Total idiot

>>17287940
i feel like shrinks and shit don't do much but just provide an ear and a shoulder and charge crazy fucking fees in the process so i'd opt against a shrink

i self-medicate with cannabis and have for about 2 years cause of depression, not into other drugs as i don't trust that shit so i'd suggest cannabis instead of other drugs

continue the working out, meet new people and shit, slowly cut out drugs and you'll be fine

>>17287940
If you were steady on the meds, and doing better that you are right now, I think you have your answer

The old one will prob characterize you as an addict, but that doesn't mean he will look at you differently, just another page in the notebook

A new guy will start fresh, and have to dig into your shit to get a baseline. So if you liked the first guy i think you should stick with him

Why would your previous psychomancer not want your continued business? Don't be silly. It only makes sense that they'd want you to come back and convince you they can help. If you're afraid of people judging you just realize that's been happening before any fabricated guilt you may have.

Like anything, give it time and persevere. You'll get there if you want to.

>>17287945
Cannabis has made my anxiety even worse.

Which is weird, because I was smoking ever since high school and I've never had any problems until a few weeks ago. I feel sick even thinking about weed at all. Fuck, smoking cigarettes almost makes me throw up now.

>>17287949
Well fuck, I don't know, I liked the old one until they started nagging me about my drug use and didn't want to talk about anything else. Then I started to hate them - for fuck's sake, I don't take drugs just because I wanna "BE HIGH BRAH", I take them because I feel like shit, and it's the only thing that casts some light in my life. Is it that hard to treat the problem first and the symptoms later?

>>17287952
>Why would your previous psychomancer not want your continued business?
Well, first of all, because I proved myself as an irresponsible person who can't control himself, an who's highly self-destructive by the way.

Why would they want to treat a person who acts like he doesn't want to get better anyway? And there's no way to prove them wrong now.

>>17288001
I would be shocked if they wouldn't want to help you. If you just don't agree on what you need help with, certainly finding someone else might benefit, but I personally don't know why you're looking for someone to agree with you. That's not all it is, right? Of course not.

So, beyond that, I imagine most people seek help because they can't answer their own questions. If that question is "I don't want help so what do I do", they would still give you an answer. Just like everybody else here has been doing, they're just going to blurt their gibberish and you'll hear something you like or hate out of it. No sense in having pride over the matter, either. Unless they ask you get on all fours and beg for your meds, their laundry-list-tier directive wont be so bad. If it works, great. If not, let them know.

In your story it's given you skipped some details so I highly doubt the solution is "go back to the meds and dont drink and do drugs heehawhoo." Unless you want to talk about it to an anon with no credentials, try the therametrics again if you're able. And if its back to meds and cold turkey then why not. The moment you hate it just give them a call. Is it not their job to help people who may potentially perceive themselves as incapable of being assisted or irredeemable in society's eyes and other such possibilities?

Whether it's true or not doesn't seem all that relevant honestly. It's not remotely debatable you want help, you're not saying you don't want it, so why play devil's advocate to convince yourself to not seek it? If the individual is shit, have them refer you to someone else. The point is to receive help and make the attempt to get better, making progress need not be a constant flow of accomplished goals. You may never be done, but muhjourney etc, right?

>i hate it

>>17288001
>Cannabis has made my anxiety even worse.

This.

File: retrospectivepepe.jpg (872KB, 3072x2304px) Image search: [Google]

872KB, 3072x2304px

>>17288096
Well, let's say that I was a pretty normal depressed guy until last year - I had a normal life, college, studying, programming, playing guitar, all that shit - but I've had a lot of shit going on since.

I've fallen deeply in love and broken up a year later with a girl who most probably was a thug, a drug fiend and a pathological liar, and after the breakup I have experimented with drugs a lot - took acid twice, mdma once, railed speed dozen of times and smoked a lot of weed - which eventually lead me into
>a very hard phase which was even more fueled by my drug experimentation
which I was talking about in the original post. By that time I had lost most of my interest in programming and education which my father, who I've never been close with, interpreted as some kind of madness and suspected drug use, so we started fighting a lot and he eventually kicked me out of the house.

Now, I'm living at my grandmother's house and I just don't know what to do, I feel like shit, I've wronged almost everyone from my family and friends, my only friend is another depressed motherfucker from my primary school whom I love so much, but he's just too detached from this world and addicted to League of Legends to be any kind of support.

I just want to disappear from this world. I can't sleep for days, my appetite has gone to shit and I just feel anxious most of the time because of things I've done (like that time I pulled out a knife on my 'friend' when I was drunk because he threatened to punch me for some stupid shit and I got fucking mad because he does it all the time).


I hope I didn't leave out any other details. I hope you can give your proper perspective on my situation now...

>>17288128
Genuine apologies work for people who genuinely want you in their lives. Worth considering, but unfortunately i don't see anyone you mentioned worth getting on good terms with at this time. It's one of those things where if only you take a step forward they can still stop peering from their side of the fence altogether. But you'd know better than me.

Being full of regret over stupid shit sounds like everybody else who's looking to fill the same shoes. Maybe one day you'll be getting a drink from the kitchen or taking a piss at a gas station and suddenly think "i wish i didnt say that", suffering. Day unchanged though. You'll zip up, grab your drink, and carry on because it already happened and those 10 seconds of unhappiness wont change the fact that you still should wash your hands before you leave and not bring your drink into the bathroom.

Most people I've spoken with who express similar despair and/or regret regurgitated the same experiences to me. My own included. Every so often it comes in, reminding you of fragments in time that don't actually mean anything except for when it happened. It's better to put it out of mind, even if it persists for years to come. Perhaps someone can help with this, I have no idea. Apparently I like suffering.

As far as your physical problems, I'm no expert there either. Would certainly recommend you try moving forward, if that's not clear by now. Get help bud, but some say peace of mind starts on a full stomach. And then when you stop kicking yourself. And then maybe chug 8oz of water.Also I'm a one meal a day kind of guy, if it makes you feel any better.

But, no advice to be found here. As far as I can tell nothing really changed since we started. I hope that does give you some perspective, however.

>>17288168
Yeah, I guess there just isn't a simple answer, a simple way out.

I guess I'll most probably go back home, sort the things with my family and continue college. Lifting always managed to keep my depression at bay so I will start it again.

If you're still in this thread, may I ask, what's your story anon? What happened?

>>17287940
You would be very hard pressed to discover a shrink who did not condemn your use of speed. I have been working in that particular industry to various degrees for almost a decade now. When someone I am speaking to tells me that they are using a dangerous drug my first impulse is not to tell them that they must, by any means, stop, my very first impulse is to discover why they are doing what they are doing, where their focus is going and what meanings are associated with the focus in question.