odd situation Gf (26) recently moved 3 weeks ago out of state

Now we're both uncomfortable. My gf was raped when she was a young teen and has issues from that and she had a similar look on her face last night as when she first told me about what happened when she was younger. She mentioned she didn’t know what to say or do after last night because she was stuck living here until the end of the year and was afraid of things being awkward. So since I’m still pissed off. Said i’ll talk to her and wrote up a text that she wanted me to revise for being too mean. Text is as follows

“hey I talked with (gf) tonight and she told me EVERYTHING that went on in detail. That’s not okay. Period. She’s uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do or how to stop it. I’m uncomfortable. You’re a chill roommate and I know you were drunk. Its super awkward to send this and I’m sorry I have to. But you crossed boundaries by touching (gf) like that and trying to go beyond that unwarranted. You’re a lot of fun as a roommate but and in the nicest way I can possibly say this as her boyfriend. Do not touch her again. That being said. Again I get you were drunk and moving forward it’ll be like nothing ever happened or won’t change aside from more personal space. If you blacked out. I get this text may be a surprise. Feel free to check with me in the morning if you want to call and find out what. (GF) doesn’t want to talk about it. So I’m asking please don’t ask her for her own comfort level. “

its the next morning now and I haven’t heard anything. Gf is probably still asleep and with her dog.

I have my own concerns now. Like my gf can get shitfaced pretty quick, loves wine, and has a difficult time making friends and feels lonely pretty often.
Now I’m afraid of what might happen if that happens again. Like what is the roommate going to try and do.
They have only been living together for three weeks. And when I visited for 6 days over a week ago. Roommate mentioned her concerns with my girlfriend drinking constantly and being drunk and not feeling comfortable with her young niece coming over. Now its like the tables have turned.

don’t know how to go about this from now on. I don’t think moving is an option, not for a while.
This girl was my girlfriend’s only friend up in this state. And now I think this large girl is going to pounce on my gf if she gets drunk.

I’m flying up on saturday and not sure what to say without acting like a pissed off boyfriend.

>>17285701
You act like a pissed off boyfriend, to the roommate. Make it clear that next time you won't be so polite about your response and imply the response may be physical.

>>17285693
That sounds mighty fucked up.
I have no advice for this situation. I'd just up and move away if I could at that point.

Your gf has to set some barriers. She has to tell her she's not sexually interested in her, and that the episode made her really uncomfortable.
This should make the roommate feel like she needs to put a handle on herself if she wants friends.

>>17285693
>>17285695
>>17285701
If it was a guy would you be okay with it? Gender doesn't matter. What matters is that your girlfriend lives with someone larger than her who has already shown that she will take advantage of her.

If it's a dorm have your girlfriend report it to whoever's in charge of their floor or whatever. I get that you're trying to make it work, but that's being to lenient. My gf is a small petite blonde so shit like this really gets to me.

>>17285701

>They have only been living together for three weeks.

Get her out of there. There might be some paperwork involved, and if she's the shy type she'll probably just say "oh, it's not worth the trouble." But I guarantee you, that's what she really wants. Especially if she's had past history with sexual abuse, there's no way she'll ever be comfortable again alone in an apartment with that grabby hambeast.

The trust has been broken, she's in a bad situation now, help her find a way out.

>>17285732
I should note, it is my girlfriend the one who has no friends at the moment.

There will definitely be a follow up conversation when I show up. But for now I'm 700 miles away.

>>17285742
its not a dorm. Its an apartment. My gf is doing a graduate program for the next 4 years.
I told her gender doesn't matter. Thats why I'm pissed off.

>>17285748
Yeah that makes things rather hard.
But I still stand by saying that she should set boundaries for people to respect.
I get she's a crowd pleaser(I have the same mentality), but she can't simply let people take advantage of her like that, especially if she isn't entirely ok with it.
Otherwise it'll never change.
This doesn't imply that she has to be mean or anything, just that she should demand a little respect.

>>17285755
DUDE FUCK THAT

(I thought your girlfriend was 30 not the bitch)

These aren't some wild kids who are just having fun. The roommate knows full well what she is doing so none of this is excusable. Have your girlfriend report it and then take her out to buy pepper spray. Things with angry big drunk people can go to shit fast.

The only thing you have to tell the roommate is that she fucked up so now your girlfriend deserves some space.

>>17285772
its getting close to 11am and I haven't heard from either so I'm guessing a conversation possibly happened between the two of them. I'll call soon.

>>17285817
Let us know what happens.
Godspeed OP

update.
girlfriend is awake. Phone charged. thinks roommate is either still passed out or is up and gone already. I mentioned the thread. And mentioned responses here. No I won't let her read it. She's hoping this won't be a big thing.
But she's also the type to start tearing up if anyone starts yelling.

your responses on how fucked the situation is and what I and her should do will be shared with her.

>>17285843
update 2. girlfriend is taking a shower because she feels gross after last night.

and by not letting her read. I meant the thread it self. I'm telling her everything you guys are saying. I just don't want her to know I mentioned the rape when she was younger, but I felt it was pertinent to the situation. Also I don't want to remind her she has a hard time making friends and she's a major drunk when she feels lonely.
She did acknowledge the answers saying she needs to stand up for her self.

>>17285693
you have a right to be upset/mad, that's essentially sexual assault if your gf was protesting.

if your gf is some tight-lipped pussy and was just squirming around then maybe the roommate didn't understand how uncomfortable she was and kept pushing.

two things need to happen here:

approach the roommate, have her understand what happened, detail how your gf felt about the situation, and explain that this can't happen again. perhaps recommend that she has to cut down on the drinking

secondly, you need to tell your gf to grow the fuck up and displace herself from situations that make her uncomfortable or are potentially dangerous.being this quivering mess while shit happens to you and not even communicating to the individual you're meant to live with that she can't be doing this sort of shit is a joke.

>>17285853
I'm applauding your response.

When we were speaking on the phone thats essentially what I told her in terms of grow the fuck up. I'm glancing at rooms now, she has a dog and a budget and no car.
I could spot her the difference in rent if I found the right place. But when I move, I won't be able to do that. I make double out here where I work now. Which isn't much to begin with. But moving will drop me to around 15 an hour for the same job.

Living together won't work just yet. When I move I have to live in another state 5 miles away to establish residency for my state work license.

>>17285693
update:
roommate texted back while I was on phone with gf.

"okay I'm totally weirded out with zero recollection and definitely done with drinking with her. I can't keep up and drink like she does. Obviously I was way out of control. Last thing I remember is playing scrabble. I hope she's okay. Wtd I literally just woke up. I'm done drinking around her. She is not done drinking but that's another conversation."

read that to my girlfriend and said I'll call her later and tell her everything. girlfriend said no don't wtf. And I think wants to go forward knowing she has no recollection of it. She got in her car and went to go errands once she found out her roommate was awake. Doesn't want me to say anything to roommate. But I obviously am going to. I responded back to her text by saying to give me a call when she gets a chance now that my girlfriend left. She needs to know she basically sexually assaulted my girlfriend.

>>17285693
>>17285695
>>17285701
Sounds like all of you just need to stop drinking so damn much. Not judging you guys because I used to be like that too, but you guys really should quit for your own health. Try toning it down first and if you can't tone it down you may need to try just being sober.