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Anonymous
Is this a healthy way to look at a relationship? 2016-06-04 19:05:48 Post No. 17219701
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Is this a healthy way to look at a relationship? 2016-06-04 19:05:48 Post No. 17219701
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Is this a healthy way to look at a relationship?
Anonymous
2016-06-04 19:05:48
Post No. 17219701
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I've been in a relationship for a year with my girl now - everything's great. We're in love, maturing a lot together, helping each other out, both still have our own lives, etc.
However, I was talking to my friend about relationships the other day and he mentioned something like "I don't know what I'd do without my s/o, I couldn't deal with it. Honestly, she's the one". Now, this got me thinking. I've always had the attitude in this relationship w/ my girl that if she leaves, I'll be fine, there'll be others. I don't want her to leave, ofc. It'll suck for a while, sure, but I'll move on, I got my back, I'll be okay, with time.
I told my friend about this and he seemed to think I wasn't in love, or that I didn't love my girlfriend enough. He said this was a sign of non-commitment. Is he right? I mean, I love my girlfriend, I can imagine staying with her until old age, etc. She drives me crazy, and I can see that "she's the only one for me" thinking comes from, but I choose not to indulge in it, I feel as though the relationship is healthier if you acknowledge there is no "one" or that it'll likely end, someday. I appreciate days and the present more with her if I don't don't build up this grandiose ideas of "happily ever after". We have long-term goals together, but nothing like that.
Is this the wrong way to go about it? Should I just jump in head-over-heels like my friend? I personally feel like he's setting himself up for a world of pain, but maybe I'm too jaded and half-assed in my relationship.
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I don't think this necessarily means that you are not in love or something like that. Everyone loves differently, all relationships are different.
Some would even say that having the mindset ''I don't know what to do if my SO leaves me'' is not healthy because then you would be too dependent on your SO.
It is really a matter of what works best for you. If you are happy with your girlfriend now and if you can see a future with her. If you want to be with her and you are contend with this mindset, then why should you worry about not feeling like your world would fall apart if you two were to break up?
Everyone is different
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As someone who all-too-often falls into the trap of feeling dependent on my SO, I'd say the way you feel about it is pretty healthy.
Often I let my emotions become dictated by how I feel things are currently going with my gf (even moment-to-moment in a conversation) and I have to consciously detach myself from it because I know it's bad for both of us if I come across that way.
In short, don't worry. Your friend's argument sounds like he was (perhaps unknowingly) rationalising a mindset he knows isn't good for him.
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Well both of you are right, but at the same time, both of you are fundamentally approaching relationships with a different stance.
He has invested in the relationship with the aim and resolution that he will do whatever it takes to make it work.His attitude, perhaps, is, "I have weathered a lot of shit with this girl here and came out great, I cannot deal with the trouble and uncertainty of having to go through all the trials again with someone else to find that they are not a good fit for me"
You have nothing invested in the relationship because of an attitude of "if we break up whatever I have invested in it will be for nothing". You will never go through the trials that he has with his girl, because you don't intend to from the first place.
The only thing that is crucial at this point is, whether your respective partners feel the same way.
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>>17219701
>I am in 1 year relationship.
>everything's great
>Yet I am mentally prepared for the worst case scenario.
>My friend thinks that I am too "cold-blood" and that the ability to think rationally isn't good sign of "true love"
>What do I do /adv/?
:-D
If you think this is a problem, then I have good news for you:
>You have no problem at all.
If this really bothers you, try to discuss this topic with your gf. Just be careful about picking up right words. Because saying:
>I love you, but I can still imagine keep living if we ever fell apart...
sounds a bit strange at best.
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>>17220208
I've gone through some shit with my gf, we've weathered a few storms. You do raise an interesting point, though.
Thanks for the advice so far, everyone.
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