Get it off your chest

why why why why why why why are you there

DID I JUST SEE YOU TWO KISS?

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

No matter how much I try to get M. out of my head, she always returns, either while im awake or sleeping.

These dreams stick out the most due to the randomness of them, and that the only two dreams I remember from the past month are of her. (Yea u don't really dream much )

I was looking for a job, and I remembered where she worked, so I applied there. Got hired, and was put on her "team." We were BSing in the employers van as we drove to what I think was a job site. I was sitting in the back, sitting next to someone who looked similar to her. But the girl I am interested in was driving. And as we were talking the car infront suddenly changed lanes, and we ended up slamming into the rear of another car at like 40mph. Dunno what happened after, woke up at this point.


She does not actually work at the place she did in the dream. I don't really know why I had that dream, or what it means.


The last dream I had of her was like 3 weeks ago. It is as follows

I was back at my old High School, hanging out with some friends, and the Girl was with her friends at another table. Soon she and her group leaves to go somewhere. I get up soon after, to go and do some stuff, and I run into her in the hall a minute or so after, and we begin talking, and then we walk to my old math room where her friends are, and we continue talking, and I think one of us brings up the idea of hanging out sometime soon. I don't know where it went from here, as that's when I woke up. (Music was playing in the background while I was in my math room. Stutter by Elastica, but I was listening to that when I woke up.)

I've spent the last hour and a half writing erotic fiction about the two of us. That alone isn't terribly odd, but it's all about my uniform fetish and is all set in some weird high school marching band alternate universe. Those stupid white gloves the brass instrument sections had to wear turn me on to an embarrassing degree. Good god what is wrong with me?

I just want to fucking move on and get you out of my head! Why do i keep getting reminded of you every fucking day?! Why do i keep thinking that all the fights and difficult times we had, was because of me?

How long is this shit still gonna take.. Get out of my head

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I just want to play on difficulty Torment III.

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I was online dating a fat, ugly girl. But she had tons of money so I stayed in the relationship, she was annoying and needy as fuck. She said cringe worthy shit like "Anon, will you give me the amazing privilege of being your girlfriend?". I got tons of steam cards as "gifts to prove her love". She was the equivalent of a Feminist because her last online boyfriend "raped" her. By rape, I mean invited her to sex rp's in google hangouts even when she said no, but she still joined anyway (Think the girl that got "raped" in GTA online by modders but only she could have said no and it was on Google hangouts and Google+). I eventually got tired of her and eventually told her to kill herself and she finally did. My biggest surprise was that she wanted to be with me and knew I was a troll, which makes 0 sense.

I think I disgraced my fellow whites by being a gold digger.

(The picture is her pfp she used)

I get extremely frustrated by the shit you do sometimes but I never say anything because I don't want to make you sad, at the same time though I don't know how much more I can take, I feel like you're stringing me along and talking shit behind my back sometimes. You're so kind and nice and lovey but I have difficulty in believing it's genuine because I've never met or been with anyone like that, perhaps I'm simply paranoid and a total piece of shit. Either way, you probably won't be seeing this so who cares.

I love you.

>>17218038
It's genuine. I do love you. Just have the courage to trust in me.

>>17218038
Initials?

I just tried to watch Citizen Kane hoping I would enjoy it, since I don't enjoy any movies, but I got frustrated at the speed at which the story unfolded, and at the pressure I put on myself to enjoy what I was watching, and I shut it off in frustration.

Okay, I feel like venting about this is actually bad, but for some reason I feel like I should.

I saw her today. My ex. For the first time in a long time. I have been wanting to for so long. Just one more meet. I still love her and can't get over her. Felt weird, I didn't know what to expect. I felt good, but not like I thought I would. When I hugged her, I didn't feel much. When I kissed her, I felt nothing. But as our day went on, the more we talked, the more we kissed, touched and hugged, the better it felt.

I have been working on moving on. Now that she's back in my life, I find I can do that easier, and I'm still trying to. I wanted her back before I could really work on moving on. Of course, it's not that simple. Now I have to deal with a new set of feelings after seeing her. I have to deal with us staying in this state, knowing she's not mine and can't be mine. I'm happy with it, but my mind automatically moves to wanting more. I'm dealing with it well. I feel much better than I did when she went home. I feel happy. Even SATISFIED.

But I'm hurt. I'm so fucking hurt. You FUCKED another guy. It's not even that which bothers me. It's why that bothers me. I want to cry for you. You FUCKED someone else to fill the emptiness from your first heartbreak which happened before me. You don't want a relationship because you don't have the time or energy, but you want to feel loved even if it's fake; you just want to feel loved by someone because it makes you feel good, but you feel an emptiness. And you're trying to fill it. And you're doing this by fucking guys. You say it helps a bit. That's what kills me. This is in your words from your mouth that you said all this, Not mine. You're lost and you won't listen to the wisdom of those who know better. I KNOW how this ends up. IT DOES NOT WORK.

>>17218132
It cuts so deeply because when we spoke you said "Now I have a guy for everything. I have a guy for this and this and this and this. Whenever I want something, I have a guy I could call. If I had a guy that good give me all that in one, maybe he'd be the one I'd stick with to be my one and only. But I'm a hoe."

I said: "Well, I just want to look at myself in those categories. I'm really only missing one. I could be that guy for everything else if you wanted...but. I don't know. Maybe not this one...maybe you don't feel that."

You said: "No, you have everything. You're perfect. You could definitely be my one and only. But I'm a hoe right now." or something like that. It seemed more like you were saying I definitely have that potential, but you don't want it, or don't want it right now or something like that.

I don't know if I believe you really think I'm perfect, but shit. Why don't you do some fucking soul searching? Holy Christ. Look at it logically. How the fuck is fucking guys going to solve your issues? "It helps a bit." What the fuck? Does that not ring an alarm to you?

Damn. Why don't...you just wait. Man, maybe that's what you're doing. Maybe you're doing this with me right now only to end up stopping this tirade and settling with me, not being exclusive, but not being so wild. Even you know I'm capable of making you happy. You know you're not ready for a relationship, but maybe right now you just need one person to love and once in a while experiment with other guys when you have the urge, if that makes sense.

>>17218183
I don't want a relationship with you right now. No way. But I want you in my life. But I want you to be fixed. I want to see that emptiness filled. I want you to realize what it is. I want to be the one to fill that emptiness though too. I want to see you fixed, but I want to be that fix. Fuck. This is so hard.

I see so much in you. I want to get inside your head more. I SEE myself bringing out so much honesty and deep thoughts in you, but I also see you start to mask them when you feel like it's going too deep.

I hate that you're so confused. I hate that you faced this issue and didn't know what to do. It makes me feel bad. You started dating me after your breakup looking for a solution. You thought you just wanted a relationship again. I gave you that and you "realized" it's not what you wanted. You finally "got my attention and realized it didn't fill the emptiness".

Personally, I think that we didn't go about it the right way. I believe if it wasn't my first relationship, and I wasn't learning, I think I could have given you what you wanted if I knew what I was doing. Filled that void. But it wasn't a good mix.

My first relationship, had zero idea what I was doing, learning, causing issues, fucking up and trying to make it work. You, hurt, broken, looking for a fix, troubled, you were not ready or prepared to deal with that bullshit. You couldn't handle it. You weren't ready to come into that investment and commitment, to try and be patient and forgiving with all my ignorance of relationships.

No. You were looking for someone to give you something in full without you having to go through bullshit. Someone to help you and take your issues away. That's why it couldn't work.

Maybe you know this. I fucking doubt it. You don't think enough to know. But you're smart. Maybe you see as far as I do or further. Maybe you know and you're following through with your plan. Making me, molding me into your perfect guy. I doubt it. I hope for it.

>>17218218
Maybe no one is planning anything and everything is just falling together and going down this path, seemingly working out, because it's how it's supposed to happen. Because we're a good match?

Well, fuck. When you go into a relationship, you have to be ready for work and hard times. You're supposed to go into a relationship when you're fine, whole, and ready to go through some shit. Ready to give in order to receive. Not when you're fucked up, seeking something.

Relationships are not something you go into to fix you and your problems. They aren't a solution. No. You put in time and hard work and you get satisfaction and fulfillment. Relationships are there to complete you.

But I'm here. And I'll always be here. And I think I'm ready for this bullshit. I'll try. Give me some time, I'll work for you or with you and try to be the one that uncovers the fix. I'll try to be the one who goes through everything with you and grows with you until you're better. I want to be there for it. Maybe you'll find the solution in yourself one day. I hope that if you do, you then turn to me. I hope once your mind is clear, you feel that I'm the one you truly want. I really hope I was that special to you. Honestly. I'll always be here for you.

>>17218267
I feel like few other people would be here to do this. To go through all this pain, stress, commitment and bullshit for someone. I feel like many others would have just ditched and focused on themselves, trying to find something else that makes them feel good.

This has already made me suffer a lot. Broken me and changed me a lot. Really tested me. I give everything and don't get much in return. But this makes me feel good. I'm whole. I feel good as a person. I'm ready to make a huge commitment to this and go through the hardship until I reach the end. If it's successful, I think it will be extremely fulfilling. Because right now, I feel like I'm just planting my resources and sowing.

I think you're lucky to have me. I feel extremely lucky to have you.

This rant went on way longer than I thought it would. Thanks, guys.

A married man is in love with me.

What is it going to take for me to care about something?

I'm literally days away from being on the street, so why the hell aren't you panicking? Why the hell do you feel nothing? What is it going to take to wake you up? I am nobody, I have nothing, and I don't even know if I really have anybody.

I have no dreams, I have no aspirations. I have no desire to live, nor to die. I just don't care. I dislike myself, and I know what I need to do to change, but even as I watch myself slip further and further away each day, my will grows no stronger.

I'm just that weird kid everybody avoided. I'm just that child that was always a burden to their parents. I'm the kid that won't vote, the kid that's a waste of space, the kid that's wasting this countries resources and taxpayers money. I'm the unaware third wheel, the stupid friend, and the hopeless idiot. I'm the failure who never tried. I'm just... existing. I don't know how to live. You all expect me to be happy.... about what? Sure I've been given a great opportunity relatively speaking, but I just don't know what to do with it.

I'm just... tired. I've never been anything more than just this. Just some boring kid. Some failure.

>17216662
Why do you fall back on such terminology when you wish to avoid answering, or even facing, a question? Just because something provokes emotion does not mean such a baseless accusation has any ground.

You have always been gifted at lying to yourself, and refusing to see what is directly in front of you. You avoid facing any of these lingering doubts, thoughts, questions, and wonder why you still think of me? Truly?

Why do you assume I want you back, 'in my arms'? All I wanted was to meet, and talk. The potential benefits were apparent, I thought.

The people I hate most are the people I am the most like. I use my dislike of their similarities to me so I can justify my own behavior, like as long as I see them as bad for others it doesn't matter that I have them too. I feel lost all the time and out of my own head almost all the time, all I want is clarity and to lose the paranoia of others and be satisfied with my self, but I don't see it happening, so I just continue through the haze. Even this feels like pointless acknowledgement as if saying I have a problem will make it go away without any action from me. It's pretty petty and kind of ironic, but that's the shit I'm going through every day and I didn't wanna make a new thread just to blog.

Mia, you broke up with me a long time ago.

I'm still in love with you.

It pains me to see you date another guy. Seems like you didn't like me that much in the first place.

So why did you spend over 6 months with me? Why did you care if you were just gonna jump around?

I hate you so much for doing this to me. I hate you.

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I wish that I could see my cousins again, but I can't.
My aunt for some absurd reason, has gotten it into her head that I am a "threat" to those girls, aka that I am a pedophile. Those allegations hurt me immensely, and have pretty much ruined the relations between my family and her's. My mother is especially livid at my aunt about that shit.

I'd never hurt my cousins, they are like little sisters to me. I miss them so damn much, but until my aunt apologizes to me for the hurtful things she said to me, I won't show my face at her place.

When are you coming back home? I miss you.

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having assholes all around the globe, bad people who doesn't do anything good, my cousin of 18, partner of my childhood, is the one with a brain tumor and fall in comma after the surgery that suppose will heal him, but that piece of shit of doctor mess the fuck up in the last moment of the surgery.
And he still in the bed like a dead body in life untill someone unplugg him and end his missery.

I am really grateful that my parents had the means to pay me and my siblings through college, and I don't feel guilty about being rich at all.

People will roll their eyes and tell me I've had it easy, and that's fine. It's true. But I'm still going to take advantage of it with no regrets.

I am increasingly disappointed. everything has a cost and I knew it going in. I signed. this was paid before I ever started, I remember. still disappointing watching it unfold with time, even knowing the best is coming.

suppose the pain is good, reassurance that I'm not emotionally broken, just gotten really good at compartmentalizing everything... and now it's gone. I don't have time for it you know, everyone thinks I'm an asshole at this point and that I must be a cold monster but you know, I've been through more than my share of pain. no one cares about it, and it doesn't make my situation better to dwell on it, so what use is it to me? I refuse to apologize for not being hurt by things around me. I paid for the ability to walk through hell and have it be unable to touch me. i suppose the worst part is those that try to cross back over, the pain of realization having branded their soul. truly, that is a rough path once you make that choice.

My girlfriend has tattoos. I don't have any. The ones she has are pretty small and I didn't mind them. But: she got one expanded last week and it was a big deal for me due to some serious discomfort with the act of getting tattoos--probably because of how I was raised.

Her friend posted a funny Lord of the Rings video on FB and tagged her in it, she laughed and her friend replied "Can't wait for you to get your first LotR tattoo". This probably means that getting tats are a much bigger part of her life than she's letting on and it's making me want to bail. We have other issues which are making things tense right now but this one seems impossible to get over. What do?

I made a mistake; I should not be in a relationship but now I don't know what I would do without them.

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I have LITERALLY spent the last 3 days trying to think of a new username to use on websites. I've made this list and still can't decide. Help me please.

>>17219419
ThunderClaw reminds me of furries. ThunderThighs is probably going to be taken on most websites you try to sign up to. Paladean, WonderOfThunder, and Dinovolt sound the best to me. But pick one that you like, it's your username, not mine.

>>17219419
Made a strawpoll

http://www.strawpoll.me/10396429

>>17219419
Voltonix is simple, dynamic, and not likely to be taken.

If it's for a game it probably doesn't matter, but it's nice to have something clean and concise if you're going to main it.

I fell in love and she didn't like me back and it completely destroyed me. I have no idea how I'll come back from this. I feel fucking worthless and I hate myself for making you feel uncomfortable. I act like everything is alright, but the pain inside is unbearable and I feel like nothing matters anymore.

Can Monday afternoon just come the fuck around so we can talk about this wtf is going on between us? Shit, things just feel fucking awkward but I want to hang out with you

i'm gonna be alone all wednesday
all by my lonesome self
no one to go to the store with to do shopping
i'm real anxious about it too
WINK WINK GET IT WOW THERE'S A HINT THERE

are they fucking onto me?

I love you but I dont know if you love me back, stop acting so distant and make some moves yourself!

I'm just fucking tired of trying and trying and trying. I am not meant to live a normal life. Seriously. I feel like I'm about to fucking burst from the stress... I wish I did. Into millions of tiny pieces. Now.

Whenever I read about people suffering from depression it makes me feel worse because I can't relate to any of their symptoms and it makes me think what I have is different and not as easily solved.

>>17219264
leave. if you're having trouble with just tattoos you're morals don't match up.

>>17219747
Clinical depression isn't "easily solved"...

>>17219921
But I fear I have something worse because things are getting worse by the day and I don't even know why.

I am secretly into a guy. I'm not really into guys though. Women, for the most part, turn me on. But him . . . he does something to me that I can't explain. Only a handful of people know about me having a thing for him, or even know he exists. He lives in another country and I'm afraid to travel alone to go see him.

>>17220005
It's impossible to say anything from over here, but you should hit up a doctor or psychiatrist if you feel bad. You can self-diagnose by reading on the Internet, but remember to take everything with two grains of salt.

>>17220042
I should do that, you're right.

hey, fuck off.

>>17220138
No YOU fuck off.

Are we going to be doing this same dance when we're 50?
Nevermind 50, can we make it to 2017.

I'm a NEET with a psychiatric illness and i'm just finally getting my life together. It just occurred to me that if I have a kid this kid will probably have an illness like me. And it will be a brutal combination of having a kid that is harder to raise than normal combined with a parent who has a psychiatric illness that makes it harder for him to be a good parent in general

And if my kid is anything like me I have to realize that kid might need to live with me until their mid 20s or later before they get their life together.

Sucks I really want to be a parent but the challenge seems so unbelievably hard and sacrifices a huge chunk of my life.

Worst thing is if it turns out that i'm autistic and my son is born normal i'm going to fuck up his development by being socially retarded around him while he socializes with other human beings

GG life you bodied me

>>17220150
No U!
I bet ur 1 of those ppl that likes anal.

I really like you Alexander.

>>17220188
Thanks, I like me too.

beer-fiesta

>>17220189
That sounds like something he would say too D:

David, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me

I'm free, I'm free, I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I paid off the last of my college debt and mortgage.

I still love you...

...but this doesn't mean I'll chase you. "Catch me if you can" my ass, I'm dating someone else.

>>17219747
Ever heard of subtypes of depression?
For example, mine's treatment-resistant, chronic, melancholic depression.
Atypical depression is called that because melancholic was the first subtype explicitly described, and atypical was the second. It needed its own subtype since it's very different (obviously).
There's also psychotic depression, bipolar depression, etc, not to mention dysthymia and co.

Depression is not a single disease, it's a syndrome. As in, it's a way to say "the patient is fucking miserable".
For example: melancholic, serotonin modulator-resistant depression is considered to be a good candidate to be the first actual disease process characterized within the "depression umbrella", because of the particular features (many of which it shares with the schizophrenic-spectrum "negative symptoms"), abundance of sensitive signs like the PSG profile, CREST, strong heritability, etc. If doctors do discover exactly how it works in the brain, this will only apply to those patients specifically, not to anyone with another subtype, unfortunately.
Look at narcolepsy for a comparison. Type 2 narcoleptics are out in the cold right now because even though type 1s are celebrating their now-known etiology, we still don't have much of a clue what could be wrong in type 2.

Don't know why i typed that out, that's probably not what you were wondering about. Gotta get some sleep.

>>17220159
>It just occurred to me that if I have a kid this kid will probably have an illness like me.
Don't assume that. Some psychiatric disorders are basically not heritable at all, and the vast majority of the ones that are aren't guaranteed to be passed on (you can talk to a geneticist when you're planning to have kids if you're worried).
And the fact that you're even thinking about this means you would be an above-average father by my reckoning. Don't think everyone else is somehow raising their kids well, kek.

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I'm doing really well in life... I've tried my hardest and everything is working out so amazingly well. My life is mostly perfect. I've basically lost all of my friends and my family though -- I'm doing so well that talking to them is difficult for me; it's weird talking to someone working at McDonalds or someone jobless or someone with massive medical issues. I just want to be able to talk to people I used to know and relate, but I can't. I avoid talking about myself as much as possible, and I try just to listen, but I feel really alone, and like I can't talk to or hang out with anyone anymore... like there's a wall between me and everyone I used to know, and I don't know how to find new friends.

I don't want to go back to life being shit to feel ok around them again, but I don't want to keep having no one.

H,

Yesterday, I posted that I work harder for you because I'm in love with you.

Today, I found myself in the same area again, only you weren't managing it, someone else was.

I remember yesterday you telling me that you had "just looked up" my rate and saw how well I was doing.

So today, I tried to work less, perform less. Still good, because I have work ethic - just not as much as when you were running that area. I was hoping you might have read my post, and decided to put me in that same area just to see if I wouldn't work as hard without you around.
I was hoping you'd look up my work today and find that without you, I hadn't worked as hard.
That you'd put two and two together, realise this post was to you, that I work harder for you because I love you.

I know I'm distant as hell, It's damn near impossible for me to actually show affection or interest, so I have to pull elaborate shit like this and hope you notice.

Sometimes I think you can, even when a barely speak (or barely get a chance to), you have the habit of knowing exactly what I was gonna say.

C

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I made a sort of imaginary girlfriend for myself since i don't think I'll ever have what it takes for a real one. I'm ashamed of it, in fact i think doing this made me a happier and better person, i just wanted someone to know. pic related

She was probably into me and I was too beta to realize and do something and now she's gone and I'm probably not going to see her again and if I ever do I'll probably do nothing and stay as her friend.

>>17220511
*not ashamed

I think my life is over. I threw away a chance at happiness for something that never existed. I'm utterly incapable of being an adult because every decision I've made since I was 18 has bit me in the ass. Even ones that I thought were good ended up destroying me physically and mentally.

Now I sit in bed, looking for a job online, but never hoping for anything good because I chose a useless major. Now I can't even look at myself in the mirror without hating myself for my stupidity.

I'm an utter disappointment to those around me and I cover it all up by being an asshole or sarcastic. I wish I could redo the last six years of my life so it wouldn't get to this point.

>>17220549

Bitch, just throw that gender studies degree at the media, instant "objective and totally not biased in any way" news job. Maybe writing shill articles in newspapers and shit.

You got you're whole life to be a cunt, why give up and try being decent now?

And maybe, maybe, one day when you're writing about the evils of men, you'll remember this post. The little manly post from a man that gave you the hope you needed to be a bigger cunt.

And maybe you'll write, "well, it isn't ALL BAD".
And I guess that would be good enough, bitch.

Keep going, m8.

I'm 18 kissless virgin nerd with emotional problems (taking anti-depressants) and a masochist(i seriously injure myself frequently, no wrist cutting tho). Last month i've met this girl. We have a lot in common, i like having a conversation with her. Few days ago she said she loves me so replied i do too, but honestly i don't really know. I didn't talk much about myself, mostly commenting on what she says and Talking about films/books/vidya. She likes to cuddle but i dont really See the appeal of it. I don't know when to do what, mostly just copying stuff ive read in books. I don't want to hurt her but im totally lost. Yesterday she wanted me to kiss her for real, but i got confused and bursted in laughter saying "i dont know how kissing works" or something like that. Should i tell her everything the way i did here? She invited me to her place on friday

>>17218281
You complete med
Except to day I think enough of all the days passing
I want a relationship

I have a girlfriend, she's amazing and i want her and only her. But i've also been flirting with other girls, not because i want them but because i can get them, i'm good at the game, and i'm basically adicted

>>17220849
>She likes to cuddle but i dont really See the appeal of it
Ffs mate cuddling is sweet

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I fucking hate having to make decisions when my executive function's fucked and gone. Right now i gotta decide how much clonidine to take before going to sleep. Should be enough to allow normal sleep (ie not waking up screaming in pain) but not enough to depress vitals into dangerous territory (carotid pulse feels weak, propanolol is probably still in system for a few hours), since i think some people might miss me if i died. I just paid rent yesterday though, so it'd take 30 days for my body to be found (only my landlord would actually check on me).
Times like this, i wish i had a close friend so i could just text them and ask them to decide.
I'll go with 300mcg i suppose.

>>17220849
Man, that's the kind of shit I don't even dream about anymore (it's so obviously a fantasy i'd be ashamed).
You got lucky, stop worrying. Relax and enjoy the ride.

>>17220528
Had this four times
Wohoo for being oblivious amirite

I just meditated and it felt great. I used to mock people that do but now, I understand how cleansing and rejuvenating it can be.

Yeah, fuck off with the negging. I'm only interested in a genuine connection, thanks

>>17220528
Happened atleast twice to me. I suspected it at the time but never acted.

I don't think I'm trans but I have thoughts about being a girl. It's not because I feel like I am one, but I can imagine how much easier life would be especially being a gay male right now. It's just that all other gay dudes tend to be huge whores. Also, being a woman in STEM is pretty much EZ mode. I just want a boyfriend and unfortunately most boyfriend material guys are straight.

>>17220964
Thinking people will go for a trans girl
actually thinking going trans will improve your life

>>17220983
Exactly, that is how I see it. Again, I do not wish to be a girl. I just sometimes wonder how much easier life would have been if I was one.

>>17221012
Just go straight man if you find a good woman you'll never go back
T. Ex faggot

>have ASPD, for the most part I am in control.
>manage to avoid the typical pitfall of addiction that is the ultimate ruin of most in my condition
>an old friend, who was very welcoming and kind to me years ago killed himself last week
>his suicide was irrational and he left behind a wife and son

I wish I felt something other than anger, admittedly my life is a pretty fragile house of cards, when nothing goes wrong I am very stable and capable. But things like this can make everything fall apart.

It also reminds me of how fucked in the head I am.

>>17221022
I appreciate the advice but I know then I won't be fully happy and that won't be fair to the good woman.

My father is verbally abusive and at this point I actually want to murder him
By now I'm pretty much fucked up in the head from him constantly causing me to have mental breakdowns and I fear that the same is happening to my brother too

>>17221032
Are you my girlfriend?

>>17221052
No I'm a dude

fuck each and every one you cunts. Im a human being not a fucking emotional punching bag

I want to die

>>17221054
No homo
Also my dad did the same until he and my mom went into relationship therapy and seperated

>>17221085
Sometimes i'm so curious as to what's behind death that i contemplate killing myself just to find out
What's your reason?

>>17217817
>be me
>have huge crush on girl for 4 years straight
>finally have balls to ask her out
>she has a bf
>mfw
>we hang out anyway
>we make out
>says she likes me but she's committed to bf
>i stalk her bf on fb
>he's a creepy old man-child with a youtube channel and he literally wears a fucking fedora
>i am less desirable than a neckbeard fedora-wearing autist faggot
>fml

>>17221098
To see her again

>>17221099
>he's a creepy old man-child with a youtube channel and he literally wears a fucking fedora
Nice dubs but I'm gonna need a link sempai

>>17221103
Who is she?

>>17221106
https://www.youtube.com/user/azzacurrey95

>>17221112
My little sister. Her and my father were in a car accident when I was twelve (she was ten) and were killed by a drunk driver.

All my life I always followed the golden rule. Treat people the way you would want to be treated. Be kind to others. Help other people. I truly cared about others.

And they treat me like shit. But you know what? I'm finally tired of it. I'm tired of always trying so hard to help someone or care for someone. Fuck people. People are greedy fucks who don't give a damn about the golden rule as long as they can get theirs. I'm just going to work, make a shitload of money, and fuck over any asshole that gets in my way.

Seriously, fuck people.

I had a huge crush on this guy from one of the many seminars I've been to this year. I wanted to get to know him so I started texting him n shit,but most importantly I wanted to know whether he was taken. I tried hinting at it several times during our texts but he keeps on avoid the question. Turns out the fucker already has a girlfriend. I was kinda disappointed but told him he was a lucky guy. He texted me back saying, '' well if you think so.''
Now idk why but I kinda hate him now. I also don't know why he would say that.

I just realized I have no real freinds, and nobody who I am sexually interested in.

Everythings just great, you know, great, just 10/10.

I seriously dont know what to do anymore

>>17220339
Initials?

>>17221134
I'm the same way man. And I can't get girls to save my life. I feel fucking miserable.

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>>17221120
>asking alexandria posters
>literal meme spouting faggot

Jesus anon...if she's into guys like this, is she even worth going after?

>>17221139
Its not that, its that I literally don't know anyone, at all.

All my "friends" leave me in the dark about everything (some claim it was due to my very strict home life -- but thats passed and its still goin on).

And to top it all off there is just nobody I even like, every girl I meet just seems like a fucking insufferable cunt.

>>17221146
they're all cunts in this day and age. women are things to fuck and nothing more

>>17221155
Being this edgy
High class girls in europe are mostly cool, went to the US once, if you live there i get where you're coming from but if you look you can definatelly find them

>>17221145
She has an incredible ass. So yes.

>>17221125
I'm sorry to hear man, that's focked up.
Were you guys close?

>>17221163
She and I were inseparable. She was only ten. How is that fair? Not a day goes by that I don't wish it could have been me instead of her. Why did she have to die?

I've been getting off to imagining my crush getting fucked silly by big buff men. Now I'm kinda disgusted by him, I can't even look at his face without the mental image of him getting creampied.
I'm a horrible person.

Once again, our mutual friends called my roommate and asked him to hang out tonight, but didn't ask me.

I fucking hate myself.

>>17221171
Brain cancer runs in both my mother and my fathers family, so i lost a lot of people I know to it and will most probably die from it aswell. After all these deaths I've hardened and I have come to accept it all. I do not mourn the dead, I remember their lives. In my eyes, their identity is not the fact that they are dead but what they were like. I don't even think i would cry if my wife died today. Like a hardcore stoic i've banished all bad feelings to affect me while still enjoying the good moments, i hope one day you can too

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I have really bad insecurity and I think everything is my fault.
I've had a massive wake up call from my current boyfriend that I need to learn to grow up. I've made a lot of mistakes and hurt him.
I deal with the crushing guilt of it all too often. Even though he spends so much time with me and makes it clear how much he loves me I still feel like I'm not good enough.
I'm always in need of reassurance and affection because of this. I hide it from him sometimes because I doubt anybody could love me enough to keep being able to comfort me without getting annoyed or tired of me.

I hope you realize I was being a cunt in order for you to get off your lazy ass. If this is going to work out you need to meet me half way. I love you, but the special snowflake routine aint paying for nothing.

>>17217817
I can't stop thinking about my ex
It's been 5 years and I think I might have feelings for her still
i want to tell her but that cannot end well at all

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Is there anything more satisfying than landing a 7-letter, 100+ point word on Words With Friends?

>>17221129
hes into you obviously

I'm jealous. My current SO has done more for other girls he was interested in before we started going out. I had to initiate a lot of things. It feels exhausting.

>>17218066

Was it too slow or too fast for you? I don't remember the movie too much but I enjoyed the story.

I wish I could see you, I miss you. I love you. I seen you for the first time in soooo long. All I want is for us to talk again. Seriously, no touching or nothing, I just want to talk to you again. I won't try anything unless you do.

>Ay o ay o how you keep it so real?
>I love the way your words make me feel

please talk to me

My best friend.

You got married to her after only knowing her for a year.
I know you. We've known each other since wee children.

We're 20 years older now. I still know you. We lived together for 5 years. Saw each other every day.

You know what I think about your marriage? I think it's gonna break. You want to marry her because you expect it at your age.

Listen. You and I will always be friends. But you've strained it the last year. I'm going to leave soon.

Where will you be when I'm gone?

I want to tell you that I'm leaving. I want to tell you that she will hurt you.

I love you, brother. We're brothers. We never had one, but in each other we do. Even back when we were kids, we knew it.

I'm leaving, but stay in touch, please. We're brothers. I want to help you even though I'm not there.

I know you will face hardship when she leaves you. And she will. You won't understand, but I do.

Please let me in when it happens. Don't face it alone. I love you.

I hope we say good bye when I'm sober. I'm drunk now so I'm open to express these emotions.
But when I leave you alone with her, let me say how much I feel.
You're my brother and you always will be.

Stop playing with my feelings, you fucking whore.
You know how much I need you, so please notice me.
I've seen how you talk to me only when you are alone, and it's pretty hard to ignore you.
It feels awful when you talk about something and then act in a completely different way.

I hope one of us die soon.

you know, you're a cool person P. I hope you excel in life. I had fun speaking to you and I was beginning to like you as a great human being and possibly more.

You broke off contact, but if you need me, I'll be around.
Just send me a textual message P.

>>17221687
initials?

>>17221711
D.

>>17218061
This actually helped a bit.

>>17218063
M

>>17220005
uhh no, that's depression retard
you're not some special snowflake literally sinking into an abyss you have depression
it can be different for everyone, some people get uncontrollably angry when they're depressed, some people just feel nothing and don't do anymore housework, exercise, or personal hygiene, some people get really sad and sleep all the time, some people don't sleep at all, you get the picture

>>17221155
and men are portable atms, hope you have a good stash or you can fuck right off, you ugly creep

Hey Anons, I work Night Shift, typically closing at about 3:00am. I find that night hours come more naturally to me, and my peak hours for cognition seem to be 1:00pm to 2:00am. However, I'm not sure where I can go aside from home and Walmart (US Anon here). I live in Cookeville, TN a college town, however the college is largely inactive this time of year. During Spring and Fall Semesters, I can go to the College Library really late and such, but not now. I want to get stuff done, personal writing and the like, but it doesn't get done much at home. Where else can I go? I'm not a club goer, and I'd rather not spend money if it can be avoided, as I'm already cutting more expenses. Thoughts?

>>17220959
Haha this. It only works on vulnerable, fucked up women. But then negging is part of an idea that you can and should emotionally abuse women. So they take advantage of them like this.

My cousin died at 22 when her partner shot her in the head with a shotgun. He was an abusive man who was also an avid fan of this ideology. Bittersweet that he killed himself in the process. My aunt is in the process of bringing my cousin's story and that toxic "red pill" bullshit to reddit.

>>17217817
I started posting some creative writing on the internet and I think I'm becoming obsessive with whether people like it or not. A lot of people on the internet/in real life have told me I have a thing for writing, which is absoluty amazing, but I crave it more and more. You can check the view count and I find myself checking it every hour or so or sometimes every few minutes. My sense of self worth has always been based off of what other people think, and I get paranoid when I see people who get tons of positive feedback compared to me. I just wish I had someone I was comfortable enough to share it with. Trusting people is hard enough, but it's even more difficult because it's kind of embarrassing to admit that I write this kind of stuff in the first place.

>>17221875
If women weren't fucked up in the head from the beginning, men wouldnt have to conjure up some giant fucking manual to make her think she's attracted to you.
Also, women are the masters of manipulation here, men are just starting to learn how the game is played.

>>17221977
women aren't fucked in the head anymore than men are, the chickens are coming home to roost because before the sexual revolution, you've been bedding wives with no recourse while seeing hookers on the side to do things you wouldn't do to your wives

your wanton disregard for the humanity of women, treating them like locomotive fleshlights, is costing you dearly. THAT'S why you have a manual to deal with them. you're unaccustomed to dealing with other humans with standards and a lock to intimacy. that you seek to prey on the emotionally vulnerable and abuse them because you can't deal with a healthy individual shows just how little you think of other human beings and shows just how much you deserve every pang of regret and frustration that you get from dealing with women.

enjoy your hell on earth you oafish fucking scumbag.

Now we get to set the standard! Your sexual entitlement means jack SHIT and will continue to remain a mockery as the feminists gain traction in political discourse. You're all fucked and abandoning your post is your only way out (MTGOW)

or picking up women with daddy issues so you can abuse them until you feel like killing them, like with my cousin

rot in hell

1/3

It's been 1 year since the lair named husband walked out my door. 1 year of freedom, but I'm not happy.

I'm a 28 year old abandoned mother of an almost 2yr old. She is so beautiful, inside and out, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

I'm lonely. Achingly lonely. I know my desires will come like a flood when I meet someone. I'm afraid. I'm afraid to invest in worthlessness again, but I feel my spirit will perish if I hold out too long. I'm a tiny drop in a huge ocean. One little fish in an enormous school. How will someone ever find me? How will I find him?

One thing I hate most is waiting. I.HATE.WAITING. I want what I want, and I want it now. I'm terrible at being patient, at least when it comes to love. I don't want to make the same mistakes, but I fear I will. Whoever he is, he'll have to have better self-control than myself. Don't rely on me, I'll tell him. I'm wish-washy! Take it slow I tell myself, but hurry up I say.

Boy, don't be a waste of my time, because I hardly got any time anymore. My daughter is growing too fast for me to wait forever! I need a leader in my life, she needs a consistent fatherly example. Please, wherever you are, SHOW YOURSELF. ASK ME OUT. Nothing super cereal yet, just a simple date that says, hey, I'm into you and want to learn more about you.

Right now, I got nuthin...bone dry. Empty shell. Dead heart. Someone PLEASE give me a jump-start! I'm loyal, I'm honest, I'm drama free. At least I try to be.

2/3

Who am I?
I'm a wild heart.
28years alive.
1 year free.
I've got a mini-me, my little sweetheart.
I cherish green things, furry things, and plastic building things.

I'm fiercely loyal.
I'm painfully compassionate.
I'm embarrassingly naive.
I'm hyper-sensual, I'm easy, but only for one.
I'm laid-back and simple-minded.
I'm innocent, but a bit perverted.
I'm clueless, I'm friendly, I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I'm overly emotional.
I'm steadfast and strong.
I have so much love to give, but no one is here to receive.
I try to give more than I take.

I'm abandoned.
I'm alone.
I'm a homeless wanderer in this thing called life.
My heart is buried somewhere in my soul. I'm having a hard time finding her she's been quiet so long. Maybe she's dead, maybe she's barely beating. I'm losing control of my mind without her. Little flutterbly, where are you? Please wake and help this old mind settle herself. I'm going crazy up here, the mind's become a volatile creature without your nurturing. Mind, body, heart and soul, we must all work together to get this machine working. Body's got feelings running unchecked. Mind's been reading between non-existent lines for too long. Soul's been so depressed and neglected she wants to leave, and heart's been abused and left for dead. And Spirit is here alone, trying to make it all work.

3/3

You boy, whoever you are, I cannot wait to pour myself into you. Wherever you are, I can't wait for the day our souls touch. I want to take your pain as my own. I want to be your relief, your solace. Your safe space. I want to be a positivity in your life, that you mightn't speak I'll of me. I want to be your refuge from this world. I want to be there every day to hear your dreams and your anxieties. I might not have the answers, but I want to listen. I want to follow where you lead. I want you to be such a man that I trust and believe you when you speak positively of my physical being.

I want to forget I was ever lied to. Forget I was abandoned. I want to fully trust someone again.

I want us to disagree, but not so much as to generate disdain for each other. I want us to challenge each other. I want us to be active. I want to desire you with my complete self, mind body soul heart and spirit. I want to fulfil you. I want to be fulfilled.

I want give and take both ways. I want us to lift each other up onto our feet. I want to weather all storms together.

I want functional. I want crazy. I want emotions. I want quiet.

I want passionate kisses. I want comfortable silences.

I want adventures and excursions. I want quiet movie nights at home.

I don't want riches, I want security.

I don't want perfection, I want loyalty.

I want respect and honesty. I give what I get.

Whoever you are...please, come quickly...

I'm dying inside a little more each day. Soon there'll be nothing left to save.

>>17220919
But is it even ethical to think of it as a "ride" when she's seriously in love with me and i dont know what to think about it?

>>17222035
Feminists are on the way out. You're 30 years too late.

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Wish I could land a nonstress and mediocre-paid job, so I'd be able to study some shit like philosophy and sociology, sit in my basement and play vidya. I don't even need a companionship, rarely felt like so.

Bitch you better start sending me nudes you filthy whore

Anxiety before work, depression after.

Is this the rest of my life?

>>17222083
>being this delusional
meanwhile in reality...
oh, did you have this place confused for your mra hugbox?
get a fucking clue m8

>>17217817
dear me
i want to kill myself
me

>>17222225
It'll pass, do something else in the mean time

That's the thing though, I was stuck with it

it was peculiar

>>17222035
I wish MGTOW could divorce itself (heh) from MRA.

I live the lifestyle of the former, but I don't hate women; I've just tuned out of the bullshit waste of time and money they call relationships and dating to pursue hobbies.

It's frustrating as shit to be associated with those openly misogynistic jackasses when the topic comes up.

Fuuucck i just woke up next a black girl. Fuuucck what have i done I'm in love with someone els. Why I'm I such a slut :(

>>17222352
Also how do I get rid off that nigger smell. I showered like 3 times already

I fought with a girl and now she's away for 4 months. Can't contact her or nothing. What do I do?

>>17218698
Hey there Cousinlover! Been so long since I last saw you. Thought you were in jail or something. How long has it being since you last saw or talked with your cousins? Seems like those days are gone now. It does look creepy having a grown ass man obsessed with his underage cousins like you are so I see your aunt's point.

>>17221713
Initials for?

I don't wear panties about 90% of the time

It's not for sexy reasons, I just got used to commando

I'll never be able to have a real friend or gf/bf because of my choices in life but at least I'm really wealthy right? ;-;... wrong

I always thought people who said money can't by happiness were idiotic but now I see exactly what they meant.

>>17222522
It's less about having money and more a factor of how much time you have to spend working to live the lifestyle you desire.

With the combined standards of social status and wealth as a measure of success, the only way to win these days is to be born into money and never have to work.

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Everyone thinks I'm a closet homo because some of my best friends that I hang out with regularly are gay and because I care a lot about my appearance.
I've known this for quite a while and I couldn't care less about it but recently I met a really cool girl and I suspect that she's starting to think that I'm gay as well. I can't just ask her out because she lives in another country and I feel like it's too early to confess my feelings for her. I don't know what to do.

>>17222522
Mail-order bride. Or hookers. Or Golddiggers. Hanger-ons, rent-a-friend...the list is endless.

I mean, like a lot of anons you don't have a personality to get real people but you can at least buy phony ones.

>gf/bf

Fag.

>>17222393
I love how people are still using that term.

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>>17222393
Few months.
And my aunt's point is completely irrational, and unfounded. I admit that I was probably somewhat too attached to my cousins, but when the bond we shared formed, I was extremely depressed, and the company of my cousins was my only source of happiness back then. I had nobody else, and the mere fact that the girls simply just wanted to spend time with me, made me happier than I had been in well over a half a decade.

In any case, my "obsession" with them, had already faded way before my aunt revealed that she was a paranoid bitch who had been thinking I wanted to molest my cousins for years. Of course, the fact that she has had those thoughts for so long hurts and insults me, especially her allegation that my cousins have been afraid and anxious in my presence, which I doubt, seeing how they kept seeking my company, and asking me to spend time with them constantly. I never forced them to spend time with me. In fact, them pestering me was rather annoying at times. Many times, when both of our families were for example, visiting our grandparents, the girls would constantly cling to me, ask me to go out and play with them etc, preventing me from socializing with the rest of my extended family. The fact that my folks were often present in such instances, and saw how the girls clung to me, is a major reason why my folks aren't believing a word my aunt is saying.

Anyways, my aunt has basically ruined the relations within our extended family. My mother (aka my aunt's sister), has basically sworn her off and assured me that if my aunt ever spreads her allegations, my folks will sue her ass.
Does little to comfort me though, because I am far more hurt and saddened by this overall breakdown of the ties between our families. We had spent so much time together since I was a little kid, so now suddenly, me being unwelcome in their household, and the total radio silence from them, is depressing.

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Made a thread, posting it here for extra advice.

So my now ex girlfriend confessed to cheating yesterday. Sorta.

They never actually had sex though, so I don't know how to proceed. I'll explain the situation.

A few weeks ago, my ex wanted to go out. I didn't, because I was tired and feeling under the weather. I told her she could go with one of my best friends, and she did.

Yesterday, she started crying about how she couldn't live with herself keeping this buried.
She told me the way they danced felt wrong.
Later, there was (short) kiss. They even slept in the same bed.
She told me there was some groping, but clothes didn't come off and there was no skin contact. She pushed him away but felt she allowed this for too long.

I have no idea how to proceed with this.
I'm more hurt about the friend then my girl, to be honest.
When I texted him he was very defensive and said nothing even happened. I haven't texted or called him back yet.

I feel like just cutting them both out of my life.
She's begging for a second chance though.

What do you think? Did I overreact?
How should I proceed?

I'm so fucking confused and hurt right now

>>17223192
>groping
>no skin contact
wat.
Also if you believe she didn't fugg him you're a cuck and a retard.

>>17222080
Do you know how to love? What it means? I suspect the answer is no.
The more important question is, do you want to learn?
If so, keep going and keep your eyes and ears open, you'll learn a lot from the experience.
Even if it doesn't work, you'll be ready for next time.

>>17223159
Oh man, you and museum guy are the same person aren't you
I love the recurring anonymous connections we can make here

>>17223348
So what if I am?

>>17220959
it's called 'teasing' you dip

>>17219264
bail
tattoos are degenerate

>>17220511
better than nothing, amirite

>>17221139
>>17221134
instead of whining about it, either do something about it (you're not approaching enough) or quit whining and learn to accept it

complaining isn't gonna help you at all you know

>>17222031
>the chickens are coming home to roost
no, women have always been like this, but getting opressed really tends to make them behave, generally

.

>>17222057
>>17222059
>>17222061
>28
>single mother
>drove her husband away
>begging for a suitor but refers to him as 'boy'
>is 2/10 but wants a 10/10

this is masterfully written bait

>>17222505
smart man
underpants are a jewish conspiracy to tangle our downstairs parts and make us constantly uncomfortable

I broke up with an angel because of obvious LDR reasons and i dont know what to do with myself.

Sometimes I wonder if everyone feels the way I do, or if it's just me. I see people with happy lives and relationships and I'm just this lonely troglodyte.

>>17217817
I honestly do not want to exist anymore

I want to talk to you a lot and get anxiety when we don't, but at the same time I know it doesn't change anything or make either of us feel better. We're never going to be together.

>>17217817
I see people forming relationships and being happy and I can't even get a date.

Was I lied to my whole life? Is it really all about looks?

>>17223483
Initials?

>>17223568
It's about social status/number of people you know or talk to, which is heavily influenced by looks.

>>17223812
really regretting not shooting myself a few days ago

simetimes i wish i didnt have schizoid personality disorder, i want to be normal so much
and damn i really need to get laid

>>17223568
>>17223812
You still need to maintain and hone your looks, which is a skill in itself. You also need a personality if you don't have looks.

>>17223847
I know that feel.
Fuck getting laid though, it's expensive and time-consuming. Something wrong with your hands?

>>17223869
nah, but i hang out with regular people who of course have the same interests as me and i feel like im missing out on humanity and life if i cant go through what everyone has gone through
and my schizoid disorder comes with low libido, sometimes i meet chicks in bars and i know they may want to fuck but im so fucking indiferent to everything that i dont even try and that bothers me a lot

>>17220339
Who are you?

>>17223882

By the way how is your diagnosis? Was it pretty evident or neet evolved to schizoid?

>>17223159
Thank God you will never see 'those girls' ever again.

Watching your escalation, rationalization, and mental gymnastics, was truly chilling, cousinlover.

Just move on, and stay away from the playground.

>>17222505
I know you're trying to be sexy for attention, but seriously I hope for your vaginas sake you wash your pants in hot water and immediately after wearing them. The bacteria growing there is probably feral. You might not notice the stink of your vag but others will..

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>>17223882
it's like looking at junkies: sometimes you think damn, they look like they're having so much fun, i wish i had something i enjoyed as much as that
But most of the time you just gotta feel bad for them, they can't stop themselves.

and the low libido isn't really low libido, back when i was a horny teenager sometimes i'd fap 5 times a day.
i figure i just don't want to have sex with most people, so what. I don't think with my dick.
But I also feel pretty bad when someone's obviously interested though, like when a girl tries to flirt with me. I wish i could reciprocate, some of them are really goddamn sweet and kind and deserve a guy who can treat them right. Unfortunately, i can't be that guy.
I'd be a perfect boyfriend for the crazy exes and sociopathic bitches people talk about on here, but those girls don't want a straight-laced nerd anyway.

>>17223989
I'm the other guy but for me it was blatantly obvious for me since i'm practically a textbook case and check every box on the sign/symptom list.
Just look at the wikipedia article:
>... a palpable description of an SPD individual who actually "enjoys" regular public speaking engagements but experiences great difficulty in the breaks when audience members would attempt to engage him emotionally.
I've been on debate teams and know this feel inside and out.

And I've never been a goddamn NEET (med student right now, for example) or ever even heard of a schizoid NEET.
Most NEETs are just avoidant pussies trying to find an excuse to stay in their comfort zone.

>>17223989
diagnosed when i was like 11, it affected me a lot because according to the psychologist with SPD comes being naive, so my parents thought i was practicaly a retard that believed everything that i was told, and had no personality (hence being naive) so they assumed i would do everything my peers would tell me to do, they did let me go out with my friends but i had to come back early, and even when i was like 20 my parents would call me at like 1 am telling me to go back home, so i couldnt go out much, they just started trusting me (more or less but whatever)
of course that never stopped me from being near suicidal for like 10 years, and using a lot of drugs, but at the same time it made me get gfs and get laid once, but since i have SPD i literally have no idea how i even managed to do those things because as far as i know im like a 5/10

I feel like shit, I can't sleep because of my insides hurt. I have been awake since 7pm yesterday, I worked 12 hours in a hot ass factory. In that 12 hours the first 4 hours was in front of a hot press that is 1200°f. Then the rest of the night was me trying to get my normal machine working, with two assholes "just joking around". They would bug the hell out of me with dumb shit, get in my way when I am doing shit. The when I get mad, I am the one in the wrong because it was just joking. I am starting to think I am so stressed out that I am slowly killing myself at this rate. After yelling at them and starting a argument, I started to have anxiety and could not stop shaking. Is it possible I have PTSD from all the years of my parents fighting back and forth? I have so many lost memories too. I think I am close to the end of rope here soon.

>>17217817
WHY IS IT SOOOOOOO FUCKING HARD TO FIND A GIRLFRIEND. FUCKS SAKE

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>>17224064

Greeeat. Another day being ignored, which means another night of your childish mood and belittling comments. Before we were together I was so happy to find someone as happy and optimistic as I am. Good mask you have. Your temper and negative opinions have proved otherwise. You get mad over the dumbest shit that doesn't matter and I'm sick of being your punching bad when you get home. I purposely don't suggest things to do, not because I can't think of anything, because I know the minute we leave one thing will trigger your anger and I'll be embarrassingly stuck in public with a man child

>>17224064
BECAUSE YOU ARE PROBABLY UGLY OR HAVE A SHIT PERSONALITY
BE AWARE OF WHO YOU ARE FOR FUCK'S SAKE DONT BE ELLIOT RODGER, LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND NOTICE HOW OTHER PEOPLE ACT WHEN THEY ARE WITH FRIENDS OR WITH STRANGERS AND THEN SEE IF YOU DO THOSE THINGS OR IF YOU MAKE EVERYONE FEEL AKWARD
i met a guy who didnt like not having friends, but guess what that guy was such an aspie he made everyone around him uncomfortable, and the worst part is he didnt notice, and i have another friends with aspergers and he has friends and his secret is he actually wants others to enjoy being around with him and guess what it worked for him, he knows more people than i do and he even has a 9/10 gf who loves him

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>>17224024
>Thank God you will never see 'those girls' ever again.

Says who? I might very well see them again this summer. It's not like I have been forbidden from ever seeing them again. The reason I haven't seen them since my aunt revealed her paranoid suspicions about me is because I am angry at her, and I won't go anywhere near her household until she apologizes to me, not because she has told me that I can't visit. She just forbade me from contacting the girls (the girls were occasionally calling or texting me, and I occasionally also called them to ask how they are doing, before this shit.) I have respected her request. It's not like I ever went back behind her or her husband's back in regards to the girls, which makes her allegations even more bizarre. If I had been hiding something, I'd understand her behavior a bit more.
My folks think that it's all in her head, and that she is having some other personal issues as well.
According to her husband, there never were any suspicions about me, but given my aunt's statements on the contrary, the situation either is that her husband is lying (which I doubt, he is the most honest and trustworthy, and generally pleasant person I know of), or that the shit is just in my aunt's head.

In any case, it doesn't matter that much to me if I see my cousins again, or not. As I said before, I had gotten over my "obsession" on them already, way before this shit happened. We were bound to become more distant eventually anyways, with the girls becoming teenagers, and no longer interested in spending time with me.
Sure, it would be nice to see them again, as they are adorable little girls, and I always liked spending time with them, but not seeing them again won't ruin my life or shit like that.
What I am upset about, is my aunt thinking such deplorable things about me, and destroying the ties our families have had since I was a frigging baby, over basically nothing.

Finally, tone down your projection.

>>17224083
yeah, dont overuse the term "aspie" or it just gets ridiculous.
Basically i was the latter, but i got fucking sick of it cause the only way i could make people like me was by being a walking joke. Now i found some nice friends, but they're boring, just like girls, i feel like i need some kind of thrill with people, but i don't get that right now.

>>17224115
im talking about people with legit aspergers, the second guy i mentioned actually has aspergers and he lets everyone to know in case he fucks up and the first guy then i hope he has aspergers because it's the only way his weirdness can be explained
you dont have to be a joke and you know that, just hang out with new people and try not to be the joke unless of course you look like a bitch and in that case people will give you shit because you look like someone you can bully without consequences
after that i dont know what to tell you, stop hanging out with nerds for one because that is what i got with your my friends are boring comment

>>17217817
I'm on the edge right now. 3 months ago I said if I try everything to improve my life for a year and if I'm not feeling better I'll end it. I'm doing a bit better but I still have bad days. Sometimes I'm scraping by, nearly getting anxiety attacks but hanging in there. I don't know if I can cope with going back to work or university. I don't really care for life and everything is still boring to me. I feel like I'm on a path to being dead within a year.

>>17224115
Man, lemme be honest. If you have a diagnosis of aspergers, it's because the psychologist was using it as a wastebasket diagnosis, ie "social dysfunction NOS".

What you have is... more unfortunate, but less disabling.
Just try to work on your empathy if necessary, appreciate the friends you do have, keep both eyes open for more interesting people to befriend, and use 4chan for the rest.

>>17224149
>i hope he has aspergers because it's the only way his weirdness can be explained
Only way in common knowledge (unfortunately) hence why the diagnosis is so popular despite being clinically close-to-worthless
For example, not many people have ever even heard of schizoid (see a couple of the anons above).

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I fell in love with a girl that I met over a video game and I hate myself for it.

I think I'm not ready for a relationship but I want one so bad I might actually get one soon. I don't want to be bad to people but I feel that's the only way I'm gonna learn and become a better/less narcissistic person. That's it. Good night /adv/.

>>17224149
yea you're probably right.
thanks for the advice.
>>17224221
i agree, thanks

I like you so fucking much, I think I might even be in love with you and you say that you feel the same. I know we live a bit far from each other but you can't just give up so easily it is not so far just 4 hours with the buss and I.... just don't want to lose you.

I only date girls with mental disorders. One was borderline, one was schizoid, one was schizophrenic with suicidal tendencies, another was bipolar with extreme anxiety. The relationships with these people are often very intense and may only last a few months. But they always have such heightened emotions that I've never felt in a "normal" relationship. It's like viewing the world on LSD vs. viewing it sober. The LSD doesn't last forever but while you're tripping you feel things you'd never feel without it. I don't know if this makes me a shitty person or not.

>>17224351
>one was schizoid
>one was schizophrenic
>heightened emotions
The fuck? Were they diagnosed by someone getting dubs on /b/?

Don't think I don't know what you're up to. You're so thirsty it's ridiculous.

You're arrogant and pretentious, and your writing is not nearly good enough to justify it. You quote yourself and post selfies all day. You're just another little bitchboy from the suburbs who wants to be an author so he doesn't have to work.

I'll get you to drive 2 hours to see me, and then I'm going to shut you down. And it's going to feel great.

>>17221135
>>17223976
I'm E; she's L.
Regardless, she isn't the kind of person who browses 4chan.

>>17224522
you sound like a stellar person yourself. maybe get over yourself?

>>17224526
I know I'm a shitty person. I have at least that much self-awareness.

>>17222035
>Your sexual entitlement
my what? what are you on about?
>Now we get to set the standard!
again, what? what standard are you setting?
>You're all fucked
if you're referring to men I think you'll find that you're wrong, that level of hate will make you lonely, and that you're lumping all men into a single group... which is discrimination and sexism... I'm told that's a bad thing.

I'm sorry about what happened with your cousin, but I won't be taking any punishment for the actions of another man just because I'm a man. I think you'l find that's a pretty hard idea to sell to anyone.

I sincerely hope we never meet irl, and that you find a way to deal with your anguish and hate. seriously, I do.

>>17224560
seems sad to waste that self awareness by not changing that fact. so few people are that self aware, you at least, have a choice in the matter.

Fell for a girl across the world even tho i know im never gonna get her. Now i cant get her out of my mind no matter how i try. She is the first girl that got me feelin like this i cant sleep eat nothin. And the worst is i cant talk to girls irl cuz im awkward as fuck and a really quiet person. No matter how i try to talk irl i get shut down by my brains but when i talk online its fine. Why :(

>>17217950
Well anon, you are a fuck up in both paths of morality. Be evil, and you'll let her live and give you more free shit. Be good, and let her live and try to get her to improve.

She's dead now and you've gained nothing because of it.

>>17224445
Holly shit you made my day sir

>>17223399
Hello brother you are deffinatly not alone

>start using Tinder
>just like everyone, the only few times I've started convos with my matches I got no reply
>get superliked by qt grill
>her about says she only wants a serious relationship
>I'm 22, the only thing close to an actual relationship I've ever had is a "fuckbuddy" [long version]who lived in my dorm, it lasted 8 months but we never did much other than sleep together. I ended up feeling like shit about the fact I was little more than a fuck toy and broke it up, but by then I had developed feelings and I felt like shit for like 4 months after that[/long version]
how the hell am I supposed to start talking to a stranger with the intention of forming an actual relationship, knowing that I will have to uncover myself for her, that I will inevitably expose myself through intimacy?
how do I even do that when I have so little self esteem?
how do I get someone to care about me enough?

I guess the key would just be to stop being such a pussy

Glad I spent the longest time getting to know him, even though we both made mistakes, and I just became more and more invested him, although we spent time apart and people said if we never got together in so long, why should we now? theres always someone passing judgement about our relationship. He completes me

I let my life go to complete and utter shit.

I'd been smoking weed and cigarettes for 4+ years, not doing anything else, working dead-end shit jobs to support these habits, and letting my negative emotions take the lead into my life.

I got herpes on my finger from fingering a girl, which only happens 1 in 200,000 exposures, and I had to be that ONE FUCKING GUY. It wouldn't be so bad if it actually healed like 98% of cases do, and once again I had to be that ONE. FUCKING. GUY. Who has fucking scar tissue from the blisters which just screams HEY, I HAVE A FUCKING DISEASE ON MY FUCKING FINGER. LOOK AT ME.

My hair's been thinning so bad and I know I can't do anything to stop it, my hair looks like a fucking joke.

Here I am sitting on my Mother's couch since I'm unemployed.

All I tried to do is be a good person. This is what I get.

>>17224758
>stop smoking pot
>wart remover/freezer thing for warts. also, my hands have all kinds of scars on them from working with mechanical systems, chemicals, animals, etc. no one has ever been like "UGH DUUDE WTF IS UP WITH THAT HAND. it's gonna be alright man
>shave your head
>grow facial hair
>get job
>be reasonable looking guy, living reasonable life.

that's a basic rundown of my advice. what are you going to do anon? sitting on the couch is doing nothing for you.

I tell my psychiatrist that my medication is working because I can't bother her. I feel like a hopeless cause and I'm close to suicide

>>17224772

1.) I actually did, 3 months clean and it's like nothing changed
2.) Tried that and literally everything else
3.)Going to
4.) Facial hair is patchy and pubey so no go
5.) Been applying, still waiting for interviews
6.) I am decently attractive, though my life has been far from reasonable.

I do really appriciate the help, anon. Right now I'm applying like crazy, calling places like crazy, only a matter of time until I get one. I know, but I just feel like my brain is fried. Like I have no more seratonin and dopamine in my head left.

>>17224791
>I tell my psychiatrist that my medication is working because I can't bother her.
What the fuck? No, stop. You're literally paying her for it, it's her job.
This "don't bother people" thing is the depression talking, i know how hard it is to fight but you have to do it.

Though i'm saying this despite not telling my psychiatrist that i think about killing myself every day and the anxiety issues are just as bad, since i'm tired of the roller coaster ride of misdiagnosis and idiotic prescriptions (she's the 3rd doc i've had). I'm fixing that now though, been planning out possible treatment regimens to try when i get back to the states in a month.

Don't let the disease control you, man.

well... i want to say that being the girls' best friend, when i'm want to be more than that, it's painful sometimes; but after thinking about that, i don't feel confidence in myself; it's a feeling that everyone goes in and goes out from my life, and sometimes i think that anyone will love me, because i don't have "something special" that others don't have.

>>17224817
>Like I have no more seratonin and dopamine in my head left.
gym my friend. you'll be surprised how you come out feeling hype after going in feeling like shit.

short run, small lift session, you don't even have to be there longer than 30 min, but you do have to push a little bit.

good on you for everything else. I hear you on the pubey patchy facial hair, it's an unfortunate thing isn't it? also try dr scholls freeze away for the warts. follow the directions, its gonna hurt. I got rid of a bum bump with that. some people's hands you just shouldn't shake.

oh, something that might help with resumes, I don't know how good you are at them but list what you did instead of your responsibilities.

example
Managed personal sales transactions with a revenue stream of $250,000 annually.

Monitored changes in customer preferences to determine focus of sales efforts and shared product knowledge with customers while making personal recommendations based on focus.

Successfully closed international sales and coordinated building, quality testing, customization/fitting, and delivery of product with customers' schedule.

none of that mentions that 90% of that job was stocking, labeling, and cleaning crap up... cause no one will see the value in those actions.

that's my last bit of advice that I would give to anyone looking for a job. like I said, I don't know how confident you are in your resume but that was some advice given to me when I was not at all confident in my resume and i was just coming off years of smoking pot and trying to get a decent job.

>>17224871
these always look better in terms of formatting in the little quick reply box. I have got to stop hitting enter.

>>17223358
No PUA
No misogyny
Stop insulting people

Dear you,

If you love won't you let me know. I'm dying inside

Beloved

>>17224706
step one- ask her out for some coffee

Dear modship

I wholeheartedly thank you for removing the sister-fap-ology's 4th thread eventually. It was annoying to see that thread, and it really didn't fit /adv/ at all.

With regards, anon.

>>17224904
>deny the truth goy!

hop into the oven, kike

>>17224239
Pic related. The last conversation I had with her. I can't get her to think of me than more than a friend.

>>17217817
Dear fat fuck shrink thanks for fucking up my life even worse for making that decision in reporting it to my superior at that time. By your dumb ass decision helped ruin my confidence of helping myself grow more, and learn new things in the world. Now with my confidence destroyed by you, I still struggle today in many areas that you helped ruin. I just want to call you and tell you that you are letarally the worst person in the world. You are a fucking god damn liar.

I enjoyed reading the Sister anthology. Regardless if real or not.


if the OP of those reads this, please continue with updates.

Now 40 hours of can't sleep, starting to wonder if I ever have feel asleep before? Or am I in an comma? I feel the need to sleep but my mind is not letting me sleep.

holy fuck i found out you had a bf and the floor dropped out of my stomach
how am i supposed to woo you now
i need other friends badly

I mistakenly enrolled for a summer class that I actually didn't need and now I might end up taking another semester. That pushes me to a year over from my original graduation date. I wasted my parents money and I'm mentally ill but not enough to get NEETbux. Even if I was, I'd probably kill myself from boredom and shame.

got fucking damn it

>>17224239
You're probably infatuated with her. It'll pass. Either that or stop being a pussy and make a move.

>>17224633
I fell for a girl across the world too, currently in an LDR with her actually. Best part is she loves me to death and I've been totally honest with her, for the first time in ages I feel happy and honestly pretty excited to meet her. What's holding you back, she got a bf? There's no excuse otherwise really, travel is not that expensive and if you really wanted it you would work towards making money and preparing for a move. All it takes is motivation and persistence senpai

I'd rather be a mediocre, porn addicted, thin skinned, pussy, loser, cuckold than to be yelled "be a man." I can't do anything right, I'm sensitive to criticism, and I'm pretty much stupid. I could say I wanna die but I'm not stupid or brave enough to try. I have no hope and I could for someone pathetic at the age of 22 is whine and cry til I'm dead

I wish I would obsess over studying and working rather than a girl I almost had a chance with.

I honestly need a hobby or something right now. It's so stupid and unhealthy.

>>17225364
Why didn't you just drop that course?

>>17224239
Rethink after the masturbation dude. If the girl is still in your mind, then it's a real love.

>>17223367
I don't see anything about driving a husband away. OHHHHH wait, I forgot, if a husband leaves on his own accord because he can't keep it in his fucking pants, that's still the woman's fault!

Oh I love memeneux trpers, so fucking shallow, predictable, and hypocritical as fuck.

FUCK YOU why can't you just accept all the shit I do for you and stop fucking complaining when I make one little mistake compared to all the amazing shit I do for you! Why the fuck am I still here!? Why can't I just let you go! You cause me so much pain and trouble and make me so miserable sometimes I just want to wrap my car around a fucking pole because I feel it's the only way out and away from you and all of this! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! I hate you and I love you! Why do you have to fucking hurt me so much constantly all I ever do is whatever the fuck you tell me to! I'm not me anymore...

>>17224239

A guy fell in love with me over a video game. That was more than a year ago. He confessed and honestly, we click pretty well. We're bound to meet this summer.
Sometimes, all you have to do is try.

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The thought of killing myself as been popping in my head lately not out of depression or emotional sadness but out of boredom and a lack of meaningful existence from being generally NEET for the past 6 years since HS graduation(been in local college twice now so far, it's probably lead to nowhere), though Iv have some place to seep,food to eat etc. I don't know how to give back for such generosity. I look around and everyone within my radius is secretly miserable, like a plague of shit was cast on everyone I know's lives while they try to crave out meaning of their own aswell, what a sad world we live in.

>>17225817
>I look around and everyone within my radius is secretly miserable, like a plague of shit was cast on everyone I know's lives while they try to crave out meaning of their own aswell
People who have their own problems try to help you because they know how you feel, and want to try to do some good. It's empathy.
Rich, happy people don't help people like you, because they don't know what it's like to be in that position.

>what a sad world we live in
Yes, but it's our job to make it a little brighter for each other.
Get out of NEETdom. You can, you're not retarded. There is some kind of job you can eventually learn to do. Computer programming can be learnt by oneself, for example.
Get a job, get yourself on your feet, then help others. The way to repay the people that helped you for their generosity is to be there for them if someday they need it, then to continue the chain passing it on to others.

>>17217817
Honestly i dont understand why people ask for initials in these threads. It defeats the whole purpose and you're probably never going to find who you're looking for.

>>17225837
For the same reason they pray.
People want to believe.
Hope and faith die slowly.

You want him and i understand why, but at the same time, I dont. He brags about how many girls hes fucked and is a complete chad. It pains me to think about you being treated like shit by him. I cant be with you right now but I want to be. And I think ill always regret not taking the chance I had with you.

i'm not a fallback friend
you can fuck right off

>>17218698
>>17218698
You had sexual feelings for them.You even mentioned jerking off to them.

Reddit makes me unreasonably angry.

I don't know why, but the place seems to be filled with complete assholes. And I've been here for years, so that's saying something. Maybe it's because Reddit is mostly young, American, and left wing. It seems there are a few "accepted truths" on there, and anyone who doesn't cleave to them is an asshole. Maybe it's because of the modding style, which selects for the biggest no-life cunts with an axe to grind to become mods of big subs.

But mostly it's the style of arguing. People on 4chan can tell you to die on a fire, but somehow I have better arguments here, even with people who I don't agree with. It seems chantards seem to think it's actually important to build a halfway decent argument. Reddit? Most arguments are strawmen. The Reddit way of arguing is to take one thing from the other post/person, to make wild assumptions based on that, and to argue against those assumptions. It's fucking infuriating. Not to mention that all these people just HAVE to act like huge smartasses. Oh on, you placed a fucking comma in the wrong place! This means your opinion on politics is completely invalid!

Reddit is full of people who made up their mind long ago, and plainly don't give two fucks about the opinions of others. But it's all hidden beneath a veneer of civility. This dishonesty pisses me off most of all. When I was young, when watching American movies, my father would point out that the "have a nice day" people said in these things meant the same thing as "fuck you". Reddit is the ultimate form of that attitude.

Oh, and if you think memes suck on 4chan, try using sarcasm without the /s tag, or roll up in a thread where all the top responses are lame fucking puns, or shit making endless jokes about an unfortunate typo.

And the kicker is, Redditors are constantly talking shit about 4chan! Because this place is so bad! Occasionally, you see horrible porn here, perish the thought!

Fuck them and their faux civility.

>>17225938
>You had sexual feelings for them.
No I didn't. There was a singular incident where I was aroused by their behavior, but quickly realized how fucked up it was. And that was almost 2 years ago, when I was in a mentally rather fucked up, and unstable state.

>>17225958
Agree 10x anon

I fucking HATE famous Youtubers in general. I envy them for their money and fame. I was a very active Youtuber myself some years ago, my channel was small but fun - I had a couple of hundread views on each video - one video even trended and got like 4 milion views. People told me I was very good at it and I should do more. But I didn´t. I was lazy and didn´t know shit about high end editing or anything like that.

Now Youtube is a place full of untalented fucktards doing Minecraft Lets Plays Part 500000000 and earn so much money with it. This is something ANYONE who´s a bit funny and presentable could do. I could´ve done that. Easily. But I fucked up.

>>17226117
>4 million views
Hard to imagine, do you mind presenting your vid?

But even if you think Minecraft's the true cancer...it's not. It's actually these fucking blogTubers such as Boogie, Leafy, Pyrocynical, and GradeBitchunderBitch., amongst a sea of similar dupes.

>>17226117
aaaaaand you think it's too late to grab a camera or some shit? youtube is still there mate, you can still make an account, you can still sign up for adsense... i did it not like, 3 months ago.

I don't understand.

>>17222522
Money doesn't buy happiness, but it does buy free time to spend however you want.

>>17225870
Who are you talking about?

>>17225928
Initials? I'm not looking for a backup plan. I don't have one. I'm in love with my best friend

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This isn't a joke, I've made a huge mistake and have no idea how to fix it

>Friend asks for help at his mom's house
>Been friends with this guy since I was 14
>I'm 25 now
>Building a deck for his widowed mother
>She's 52
>Her ideas for the deck are completely insane
>Going to take a long time and a lot of money to do
>Decide to stick around and help as much as I can
>It's nearing around 10 PM
>Working under floodlights
>Getting tired as fuck and haven't eaten all day
>Been working on the deck since 11 AM nonstop
>It's not even halfway complete
>Friend is already passed out on the couch inside
>Friend's mom offers to take me out to dinner as a thanks
>Tired and hungry and filthy as fuck but sure why not
>We go to some random late night restaurant
>She keeps telling me that I've grown into a handsome man
>Keeps trying to touch my hand
>It's awkward as fuck and freaking me out
>We stay till the place closes
>Full and extremely tired
>Tell her to just drive me home so I can finally sleep
>We pull into my driveway
>Somehow end up making out with her
>Making out turns into her jerking me off
>Her jerking me off turns into me fingering her
>Goes on for a solid 10 minutes or so
>Finish and realize what I've done
>Quickly jump out of the car with my pants barely on
>Get inside and lock the door
>Pass out in the living room


So now I'm scared to fuck, my friend is extremely protective of his mother since his dad died, if he finds out I did anything like this he will literally try to kill me

What if she TELLS him for some fucked up reason?!
How the fuck do I ever show my face around her again?!
What if she comes to my house to try and talk?!
Why the fuck would I do this?! she's not even hot, she looks like Ann Richards!

Went to change a light bulb in the bathroom and immediately fell onto glass bottles on the side and had the lightbulb shatter in my hand. Things are going well. I'm tired of doctor and hospital appointments already.

I have a condition that makes me itch violently in humid areas.

>>17226174
i am L and I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS

You seemed to be keen on the idea of me staying over, no matter how tired you clearly were. I don't know if I was dreaming, but my heart jumped into my throat as we fell asleep that you had murmured "I love you". When I pressed you to repeat what you had said, you just insisted "Never mind" several times until I dropped it and fell asleep. You could have been muttering anything, but I was so sure that I was hearing the words I'd been imagining that I'd have liked to hear you say. Even if I don't totally feel the same.
You told me you felt put out that I rarely messaged you first - you wanted me to. So I did, and you were pleased.
You never seemed to want to make alternate plans with me, and then you were keen to tell me you would take me out sometime.
Sometimes, we can be chatting and then I'll bury my head in your chest and you'll quietly hug me. I think we're starting to have "moments".
You wanted to carry my things for me, no matter how hard I tried to tell you I was entirely capable - which I kind of was, until I fell over and then bumped my head on my car, proving that perhaps, just maybe you were right.
You seem interested in my old dreams of having a wedding, couple of houses, picket fence and a family. You like my new plans of travelling and seem to imply that one day, we could go into business together, something I never really intended on...but heck, if you have the money, I have the knowledge. You'd be an ass to deal with though.
You keep telling me the same story, and before, I didn't really care. Now I kind of feel pissed off. It hasn't changed, but it just affirms to me that you don't want me, or are trying not to want me.
You want to buy my paintings from me, so I'm working endlessly to get them finished and ready for framing...because I love pleasing you...but I want to stop because I know that when my paintings are on that wall, you'll think of me when you see it and I'll be just that "famous artist" that you knew personally. A talking point.

I'm so tired.
Recently got the gut feeling my work was going to run out, so I found a new job. As soon as the bosses hear I'm leaving they spend an hour and a half telling me to say, telling me people are throwing work at them, so I stayed.
Fast forward to this morning and I'm told that in 2 weeks I'll be taking an unplanned break from work because it's quiet at the minute.
I can't afford the break, and I have no time to save up. I'm sick of this shit, sick of never having any money, sick of always being in debt, sick of being ignored or laughed at.

The time has come lads, I'm out, I'm too tired to carry on.

I watched people riding their horses past where I live a little bit ago. It isn't something unusual, I live in a village after all. Still, it made me sad that I'd never get to see you riding a horse. No particular reason, I just think it'd be really cute. I don't even know if you've ever been horseback before. You probably have been, at least while you were younger, so it wouldn't exactly be new to you. I'm sure you'd be really cute going around a village or a track horseback, though.

I'm in love with my friend who already has a girlfriend. The worst part is it could have worked out if I'd realized my feelings just the tiniest bit sooner. Now I'm stuck trying to keep a smile on my face whenever I see them together.

I've been in love with you since I first met you. And even though we're together now, I don't want to admit it now because I'm scared of how you'll think of me. Even when I was with someone else, I knew we were perfect for each other. I love you more than anything on this planet and no one will ever compare to you.

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>>17224103
YOU HAVE, LITERALLY, MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF THEM.

I cruise-control for cool so that you understand their is no projection, and that all know you for what you are.

Your aunt does not need to apologize, as any reasonable person can deduce why a grown man is spending an inordinate amount of time with children. By all means, explain why you have told no one in your life, even your therapist, about your feelings toward these children?

The only reason you have, 'overcome your obsession', ia because denial is the only way possible for you to deal with being unable to groom, or talk, and spend time with them.

Finally, tone down that pedophilia.

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>>17226362

>YOU HAVE, LITERALLY, MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF THEM.

Wrong.
That's something you thought up based on the single incident where I was aroused by their behavior 2 years ago.

>Your aunt does not need to apologize
Sure, she doesn't need to apologize, but if she ever wishes for the relations between our families to heal, she ought to. She has single handedly destroyed the bond our families had had for almost 2 decades, with her paranoid delusions.

>as any reasonable person can deduce why a grown man is spending an inordinate amount of time with children.
This is you projecting, right here. Just because a guy enjoys spending time with children, doesn't make one a pedophile.
My cousins are like younger sisters to me, and I spent time with them, because I enjoyed their company, and because they were, at the time, the only people who actively sought to spend time with me in the first place. At the time, their company was the only source of happiness in my life.

>By all means, explain why you have told no one in your life, even your therapist, about your feelings toward these children?
Except I have. I have told both my parents, and my therapist about the fact that I care about the girls, and how I enjoy spending time with them. This was not a secret to anybody.

>The only reason you have, 'overcome your obsession', ia because denial is the only way possible for you to deal with being unable to groom, or talk, and spend time with them.
No, the reason I overcame my "obsession" towards them was because I have gotten my life back together, after 3 years of depression, am finally back to studying, have found new friends and social contacts, and in general, no longer feel like a suicidal waste of space. Of course, I still like my cousins, as they are like younger siblings to me, but the feeling that I need their company to be happy (which is the main reason I sought to spend time with them so much), has vanished.

>>17225928
Ah the trials and tribulations of being a backup friend. I always make sure that I always get something out of it with people like that.

>>17226401
A new level of trolling.

>>17226444
No trolling here.

>>17226117
k, so you have no video and are bullshitting.
fuck off.

>>17221027
Are you sure you have aspd?

I mean, I've heard it's possible for some with aspd to feel some sort of bond. But I have it as well and I feel no inkling of care or anger or anything to a friend dying. Vast indifference.

I'd feel anger maybe if they were providing me a service and now with their death that service was gone. Like, I'd be angry at them for dying instead of doing what I wanted, how dare they stop benefitting me. Deffo wouldn't put empathetic consideration towards a wife and son being left behind, which it sounded like you were?

Eh, no big deal either way. More curious to know if you have something I don't - that potential for bonds or whatever.

i waved at you but i don't know if you see me

man i wish you would look this way

I was just about to enjoy a nice bath when the apartment people must've turned my water off

Filled up a glass of water at the sink, walked over to the tub, turned the tap and nadda

Fuck you guys give me my bath water

I fucked a tree and got a splinter.

Every time i'm waiting for a text from D, I get a random text from B (this gay guy who barely speaks english).

It's annoying as hell, but i feel bad for saying that since he just wants to talk. I fucking hate small talk with a passion though, unless it's with people i genuinely like (such as D, for that matter).

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C,
I miss you.
-J

I don't want to kill myself but I want to just disappear. I want god to just take me.

I'm done here. Please just set me free.

>>17226908

Who would be saying this? As I am a D. Probably not the one you are looking for though.

>>17226908
What's different with D's small talk?

>>17226920
M.

>>17226922
Nothing at all, actually often feel like i'm trying to talk to a brick wall.
I just like talking to people I like.

I don't know who I am. But I feel like I've only done the wrong things my whole life, particularly with my family.

I almost understand people who undertake a murder-suicide. Guilt drives such actions... like an Atlas Complex. But I stay away from everything that intoxicates so I don't ever actually build up to that.

>>17224174
I feel the same way. I gave myself a year to get over the suicidal shit, and I am relapsing i guess.

I got out of college with a 2.9 GPA in Chemistry, I figured out after my first job that I hated being a lab-slave with no prospects for advancement so I abandoned analytical chemistry and tried to focus on materials science with a focus on mechanical applications.

I joined a start-up with experienced businessmen in the field I wanted to pursue.
I've been working on the company for the last 6 months, and for the first 5 months, I wasn't suicidal and I had a lot of hope and drive. I felt like my suicidal period had ended.
Now the company is dying, I am bound by contract to the dying company, and I'm back on the job search part-time and absolutely exhausted all the time. I am also lying to my bosses, the business development isn't working anymore, and my efforts to expand my contacts seem fruitless. I just want to die every-time I look at job applications, because I know it's pointless to sit and apply for these jobs.

>>17226124

Nah I don´t wanna post something here that could be connected to me. But I just checked, right now it got 3.9. milion views (which isn´t 4 milion but you get the idea). It´s a stupid little failcompilation that somehow got a bit famous - back in the day there weren´t any big channel like failarmy, the first famous compilations were made by people like me I assume.

Haha, donßt even know most of the channels you listed. What are they about? Some stupid childish life advices or make up tutorials? I don´t dare to look it up, day was good so far, don´t want to ruin it.

>>17226127
Well technically you´re right, but it´s been over 8 years... Life changed, I do not have the time to spend it on creating a successful channel I guess...But you´re right, at least I could try - the chance is still there..

>>17226993
OK, I am assume you are the M. that constantly writes to D?

And I assume that you are not the M I am concerned with?

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>>17227086
I do constantly write to D, but many people do. It's a common first initial from what i've seen. Don't know if I'm whoever you're thinking of, but probably not, since you'd have noticed (i don't exactly hide personal details on here).

Also, just got pic related from B. Harsh world, isn't it?
I like to imagine there's someone out there for all of us, but realistically? Some of us aren't quite that lucky.

And yet again, I try to get my mind off of M. And Again a friend mentions her and asks how its going. 2nd time within 4 days someone asked about her.

Fuck. I don't know if something is telling me to message her again or what. But, I posted about her alot on here. You will already know the deal with her if you have been around for the past two weeks or so.
>>17227181
Ok, Then you are probably not the M I am thinking of as she has a iPhone, which yours obviously is not.

I'm a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and I have only recently come to understand that I don't know what I'm doing. Even with medications and therapy I say things I don't mean to say, I do things with no memory of them the next day, I have memories of things that didn't happen, I hear things constantly. My bizarre behaviour has driven me into debt and now dalliances with the law. I'm 26 and I'll almost certainly be homeless by next month. It's my fault but this madness isn't helping. The embarrassment I feel is overwhelming.

And the worst part is that by the end of today this moment of clarity I'm having now, where I realise how absurdly wrong my life is going, will disappear.

>>17227224

That´s fucked up man. Have you been to a mental institution? Sounds like something that won´t be fixed by some meds alone.

>>17227237

I have and they inevitably give me ECT, adjust the meds, then send me home two days later. I've even gone so far as to travel to different hospitals in different cities but it happens the same way.

One of my "problems" is that I have a lot of insight into my problem. I can tell when I'm delusional, but it doesn't stop me from believing them. I know I'm not hearing things but I still physically hear them. My doctors see my logic as proof that I'm "not that bad" even when I've pretended to be illogical to get more accurate treatment.

I generally do okay if I just stay home and go to work and try not to talk to humans but I'm paying for a DUI that I don't remember getting (I don't drink) and I'm like $300 short of life. I almost thing I'll survive better homeless. I tend to wish for madness.

Why won't you talk to me? Are you angry at me? You don't instigate any conversations and when I do it's met with "yeahs" and "yup". You broke my heart a week ago but I wasn't mad. I didn't lash out and I was very calm about it. We talked before we dated and now it's like I don't exist to you. Just talk to me again like old times when we were friends. Everyday I hoped you'd take me back but I've given up hope. I just want a simple one on one conversation like we used to do.

>>17227264

I wish you best of luck my friend, I´m studying psychology and I´m about to learn how to treat this kind of illness. Well, as far as humanly possible.

Do you have a family or friends to back you up a little bit?

By wishing for madness what do you mean - you wanna be life just as a blur without your moments of clarity? Like not having to have self awareness to the point of feeling ashamed?

It´s the illness that´s controlling your actions from time to time, there´s no reason why you should be emberassed - you as a person are NOT the actions made by your illness.

>>17227264
you're not and they don't do ECT for schizophrenia.

>>17227276

Sounds like she moved on. And so should you.

>>17227314
I've been diagnosed with panic disorder, major depression, dysthmic disorder, and, over the past year, paranoid schizophrenia with agoraphobia. I don't know what you want me to tell you here, I've had ECT under General anesthesia four times now so if they "don't do it for schizophrenia" then I don't know why they do it.

>>17227304
I have family (I've gotten progressively worse at friendship as my illness has gotten more prominent) but they're all either dirt poor or at their wit's end with supporting me. They've done all but cut off contact entirely.

And yes, I honestly wish I didn't have the moments of clarity at this point. When I have them it's like waking up into a nightmare.

>>17227349
>then I don't know why they do it.
Depression.
Severe depression, treatment resistant depression.

>>17227314
"Schizophrenia" covers a lot of different kinds of mentall illnesses. Pretty sure there some where ECT is a possible treatment.

>>17227361
it's more likely that anon is depressed with psychotic symptoms (Or just an ignorant liar caught in a lie), given their other "diagnoses," and they're exaggerating on the internet.

I love you, M.

I should talk to more people. I should talk without boundaries. I should be open. I should be doing the stuff I love. I should love the stuff I do. I should be happy. I should be sad. I should make me life worth it. I should find my own meanings to life. I should spend more time with you. I should spend more time with myself. I should care about both. I should live. I should die. I should fight. I should cry. And most of all I should stay.

>>17227349
Not that anon, but they do it for the depression.
The thing is, it's less likely to be effective in schizophrenics (unfortunately, we have very few options for the negative symptoms, which more likely explain your dysthymia/depression: it was likely the prodromal phase).

Schizoid here so i understand half of what you're dealing with, the depression side (never had any delusions or psychotic symptoms though, even when i've purposely tried to induce them with extended sleep deprivation and high-dose amphetamine). Docs have recommended inpatient for ECT many times but i've always declined. My memory is fucked to hell already and i won't be very functional with it any worse (already struggle to remember names and faces of friends).

Get a genetic test if you're curious. The L-5-MTHF regimen also helps significantly if you have the MTHFR defect, it's one of the only well-replicated treatments for the negative symptoms iirc and can be done on top of almost every other medication regimen. The big thing is that it helps with the cognitive symptoms as well, helping you keep thinking straight through the fog.

>>17227361
>>17227375
I suspect that they either never told the shrinks about the delusions, or suffered from a long prodrome, during which the negative symptoms were diagnosed as dysthymia and depression (melancholic subtype, treatment-resistant). The panic disorder diagnosis (agoraphobic) makes this even more obvious: adding the delusions wraps the whole thing up into schizophrenia (the depressive symptoms --> negative symptoms, and panic/agoraphobic --> paranoid symptoms).

>>17227376
>tfw M
>tfw pretty sure i could lurk these threads for a thousand years and never find a message to me

>>17227412
You already left.

>>17226117
Oh hey Cloud8745 you bitter twat.

I can have this idea of a plan. I know what I would want to do and it would make me somewhat succeed. What I mean is that I have a good plan and I like it.
But I can't stick to it. Peripheral considerations always get in the way and I get distracted. A part of this plan has been with me for years, and sometimes the idea raises back to the surface. But since it's a thing about computers and programming languages, all the noise from other parts gets in the way and I forget about the original plan and try to focus on other stuff and completely forget about the original idea.
Some of it has been beneficial, for now I have somewhat good standards regarding the art. But I'm also too prone to focus on the noise, on irrelevant stuff. Occasionally I remember what the plan was, but the other stuff gets in the way and i diverge. Right now I can see what a good path would be, but I know that my biases along with other stuff are just about to get in the way.
I need to find a way to remind myself to focus on this and keep the rest as just hobbies so to say

>>17226341
I feel exactly the same, love. Exactly :)

>>17226341
Tell them!!! don't let fear prevent you from expressing yourself. Who knows. they may feel the same :)

And just out of curiosity... Initials?

>>17226341
I know. I am pretty great...

Could it be that you actually liked me? I mean, I always got sort of mixed signals from you. One moment you're telling me to kiss you, the next, you're making out with another guy when we were supposed to be spending time together... I don't know. I tried not to take too much from it, I was trying my best to put my feelings aside just so that I could spend time with you. In a way, I was almost fine with what we had. I remember the night we cuddled for a bit on the couch while you took your frustrations out on my poor arm, I remember us wrestling on the couch, I remember walking from school with you every day.... I'd convinced myself that I was just stupid. Stupid to think that somebody as amazing as you could ever possibly have any interest in somebody like me. I was so afraid that you'd wake up one day and see the person that I saw. The person I disliked.

I know it isn't fair, but I guess I've heard about a few of the lies you've told. I think I can understand why you did, and of course I understand that they were more likely half-truths. Still... I've got to wonder... Is that why you're still seeking me out after all this time? Is that why you always inquire about my dragons?

I don't know if I'd even know how to react to that.

A part of me wants to believe that it's something more than boredom and a factor of nostalgia that both drives you to and away from me. I can't help but take it personally when you respond so eagerly, but then never contact me again.. It tears at me.

I don't know what to do, and I don't know what to think. The evidence tends to suggest that I'm ultimately not significant, and so that's what I believe.

I've checked my messages every day, you know. For two months straight. I don't even use that site anymore. Your the only one that bothers to contact me through it. I'm sorry.

i wish i could have relationships with other girls like in my animes..

i'll never have a sister from another mother, hurts me bad

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The more time that goes by, the more I figure this shit out. Please, LET ME HELP YOU. Allow me to. I know I need to do my part by coming off and going about it in the right way, but I need you to keep an open mind.

I'm not looking at you with any romantic intentions right now. I'm not even doing this as a lover, or a partner, or anything of the sort. I've put my feelings for you completely aside for now. I'm doing this simply as a friend, or just as a human helping another human out. I don't like to see you, or ANY person in distress like this.

I've seen it for a long time. I couldn't pinpoint it, but now I can. You're broken. You need to be fixed. You're going about this in the wrong way. Like I said, I figure things out more and more each day. I'm nowhere near done, but damn, I'm making progress.

I'm not trying to be the one to fix you. I'm not trying to be your fucking hero. I just want to help. You're going to be doing all the work, but I want you to LET ME GUIDE YOU. At least let me point you in the right direction. You won't move on like this. You aren't even living right now. You're fucking stuck in a shell, LOST and confused as fuck. The image I picture you in my head is as an animal frantically looking for its home. I can see the look on your face. I see your expression. I know your thoughts. It hurts me.

It was my first relationship. I knew nothing. I had no idea. I was confused myself. Trying to find a solution, not knowing what the problem was, not knowing what was wrong, not even knowing where it stemmed from. I was literally clueless. After some time, because of my fucking inexperience, I started to think "Hey, maybe this is normal. Maybe it'll go away with time"

No way. I was wrong. There was a problem, that was NOT normal. It was not me. It was not us, it was you. And it causes problems for everyone. It only hurts you though. I'm staying right here. I'm going through this with you. Not only because I love you, but because I love people.

Everyday that passes through, we're getting closer and closer. The teasing, the tickling, the laughter, the excuses to see each other. It feels like falling in love, slowly and steady. Anytime a step closer will bring us to a point there's no turning back from. But it couldn't be so simple, could it?

We're both already in a relationship. A step back, a step further -- it won't matter, either way, it'll hurt someone.
Why do feelings refuse to be rational?

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>>17227806
When you're finished with this, I hope I'm there. I hope you turn to me completely and with a clear mind. When this is over, if it turns out that I don't complete you and we drift apart, I will be ready for that. I will be crushed, but I'll be happy that you've become yourself again. I'll be happy to know you're back to normal and clear of all problems, ready to move forward. It will be enough knowing that I saw it through and helped you get there, but I will be crushed. There's a lot I want. There's a lot I wish for. But I won't think about that now.

>>17227806
Please give Initials anon? You sound so familiar it's scary. And you really don't have any feelings for me?

>>17227806
>>17227846
I was the problem? Pray tell how.

>>17227846
I answered before that I am complete. I am ready, and wanting a relationship

I -REALLY- want to hook up with a hung guy and I'm trawling things like planetromeo but I'm so afraid of STDs and getting found out and anxiety in general that I can't dredge up the balls to go for it.

I've done it before but it was like 16 years ago when I was 14. I absolutely loved it, I even turned down the guy's offer to blow me because I was having so much fun sucking his massive cock. Just thinking about the possibility of having something like that again, possibly on call, is making me diamonds.

How do I conquer this crippling fear aside from the usual "JUST DO IT!". I need a strong logical argument that wrecks my fears.

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>>17227846
It has been a journey. I'm down for the ride, like I said from the day I met you. From the day I committed. I'm doing everything I can, putting my heart and soul into this. So far, it feels good. So far, it feels worth it. Will it be worth it in the end? I don't know. I hope so. If this works, it certainly will be. But for three months, when you were trying so hard to end it all, it was not worth in any way. It was too premature, incomplete. It was too early. Cut short. That was not worth it at all, but I tried so hard to rescue it that it's finally continuing. After all that grueling pain and suffering, it finally got rolling again. I hope it doesn't stop again. I am a persistent mother fucker.

>>17227847
I have a tremendous amount of feelings for you. But they need to be put on hold. They're not ready to be used right now. You're unable to cultivate them. You know how, but you're not in the position to do so right now. You need to get over this wall first. When you're ready, and I see that you're ready, we can try this again. An honest, truthful, wholehearted attempt. One with nothing holding us back.

I miss you so much that it hurts but I still get angry at you over stupid shit and say things I regret. And since you're not actually here I feel that all my apologies aren't good enough. I'm afraid I'm going to say something that takes it too far and you'll leave. And that would destroy me. I love you.

>>17227806
>>17227846
>>17227901
None of the replies are from the person you wanted to read. I, myself, am not sure if this is for me. It seems like you struck a bunch of people in one go.

>>17227936
I know for a fact the person I'm talking to isn't on here and I'm happy about that.

We've hit the bump limit.
New bread: >>17227944

>>17227901
I spoke with you for several hours the other night and thought..anyway, I was ready to commit to him completely. Now,you show he has backed off when it's truth time? I think you are delaying all this potential, and..you don't say who you are

>>17221245
Initials?

>>17227376
>tfw M
>tfw gf regularly visits this website
>know she would never go to this board
still kind of makes me feel nice