Off Your Chest

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Should I?

Dear beautiful person

You are beyond beautiful, your addictive soul is stunning, adoring and real. Your eyes are like liquid oceans of soothing waves, the way you hold yourself is sexy and extravagant, in a pair of old trainers. Your smile glistens and gleams as it lights your eyes with endless sparkle and wonder. I love your passions. I love your determination and your perseverance. I love your patience. I love your style. I love the soft calm following your anxious panic, and the gentle touch of your hand. I love the way you tilt your head as I look to you to guide me home. I love your hypnotic kiss at the peak of the mountain. I love your quiet thoughtfulness. I love your reflection. I love you more than the fall of crashing waves rising

I think I'm nearing the end, I can't take being a lonely waste of space any more

are we going anywhere? why should I care? because I fucking do! I can't take anymore, either we're together or we're not, I'd rather the former of course, but I want to be exclusive, at least if we try and it doesn't work out, we'll know soon enough, its been such a long time, I'm beginning to wonder if I dreamed us

It's easy to see why no one wants you. You get attached way too easily and all your opinions are so archaic. Breathe. Stop being so uptight and you might just enjoy yourself.

Did I fuck up again? FUCK I always go too hard when I see something good.

Why do I force myself to be friends with a pedo?

>>17193936
Who are you talking to?

I need you so much I love you

Every time a feminist tells me (another woman): "lol don't you feel the same way about men sexually harassing and objectifying ALL girls ALL the time?"

And I'd go "no, that has never happened to me because they never even notice me"

And they'd go "oh my god are you saying that you want their attention? Or that my viewpoints are wrong?"

Well here's the thing- these feminists can work me, a plain, invisible girl, into their sexism narrative by saying "there's a hilarity in men who fail to even notice the plain girls, and yet still dare to claim that they do hit on and make offers to every girl. There's a hypocrisy in guys who only focus on the superficially hot girls, yet dare to demand that these hot girls look beyond the men's looks and go for "nice guys"".

And I would agree with that. I would love that. But the feminists don't say that. They feel like bringing up the idea of plain girls going unnoticed due to superficiality, would damage their narrative about every single woman being harassed intensely by men every day.

And like I said, MRAs fail to notice they do in fact have standards and do in fact filter out certain girls. They are just so self-unaware and claim that every girl gets game. So I am unmentioned by everyone. Yes, feminists rant about fat girls being beautiful all the time and MRAs point out how fat girls get game, all the time. But I'm not fat. Those fat girls are loud and have social skills and their body language doesn't scream "the flavor of the day is misery". I'm skinny but plain and I do scream that kind of misery aura, with a side dose of "please don't think I'm rude or snobby, I'm really just quiet because I'm awkward and shy as hell" which is apparently the worst curse.

>>17193909
To you,
Where are you? Have you left yet? We don't talk anymore and I don't think I'll see you before I leave. You aren't answering my texts. Can't we just talk? I liked getting to know you more, it helped distract me from how much I cared about you. Now it just hurts to think about you so I block it out. I don't want to force myself to forget you, but I want to respect you. I don't regret caring about you and I wish you would open up to me, I really have tried my best and it kills me to know I might never see you again.

I'm still in love with someone I haven't talked to in months. I decided that I wouldn't talk to her to see if she would ever get back to me. Never happened, but I shouldn't be surprised. I don't think I meant a thing to her past keeping her occupied when she was alone.

>>17193996
I feel for you on that. I agree mostly, but you won't go unnoticed for long. There are lots of guys that like plain, shy girls, even if they're only decently attractive. Some would even prefer 5/10's.

I cant help but think that I made a huge mistake by asking her out on a date.

A few years ago I was a "nice guy".
Started to get really fucked up dreams, wherein everything seemed more like it was the way my mind would perceive things... like, the schools in these dreams were prisons, "real life" was essentially hell, and in these dreams, my crush didn't care about me at all.

It appeared so different to reality, yet was so much closer to the truth than I'd originally have thought.

There was another version of my crush in these dreams. Taller, skinnier, bigger boobs and dressed in a more slutty manner than most anime women... These dreams recurred each night.

This "sexier" version of my crush was telling me to be more selfish, say "no" to my crush, ditch her, ghost her etc. Basically telling me to stay away from her.

Like the loyal little beta, I'd say "no". I wouldn't let the siren toy me around.

Sometimes, this siren would lash out after I wouldn't take her advice. She'd blow up warehouses and trash them, get the police after us. I'd be ditches by any friends and even my crush, who'd claimed to have cared about me.
I'd be forced to hide somewhere, only to find the siren there, exclaiming that I'm stuck with her "forever".

After that, I'd wake up.

Eventually, gradually even, I did give up on my crush, became more selfish and learned that she never really cared about me, even as a friend.

All along the dream siren was right.

I never dream. I get nightmares like these from time to time when I'm in a shitty place. The siren isn't in them anymore... but the dreams do tell me things I'm to ignorant to see on my own.

Anyway, I'm posting this because, I thought the siren was gone... But last night, in some place between awake and asleep, I "heard" a female voice whisper my name.
I put "heard" in quotation marks because I know the sound wasn't real. It was like my inner reading voice, only I had no control over it, and it sounded like a girl.

I've been stressed out alot at work lately. I'm worrying that I might finally be cracking.

>>17194010
Thanks for that, I am on the young side so there is the possibility that all the guys are still holding out hope for getting the girls "at the top", but maybe they'll give up and settle for less as they get older. And what you said about "yeah you're plain but you'll find someone" is a lot better and logical than "you're not plain at all, I must bet you get all the attention (but you don't notice it because reasons?)"

>>17194006
I think you're wrong, and she didn't get back to you, perhaps because your response or lack-of last time that made her feel you weren't interested at a time that was important. Perhaps I'm in a similar situation, but what would I know

There's a fever

>>17194032
Yeah. I'm like that. I try to get good looking girls, but something about the plain ones is so attractive. I think it's because I know they're shy and don't get a lot of attention. That makes them so appealing to me. Not to mention the fact that they're nicer, more down to earth and not superfluously hard to get.

>>17194043
Maybe I am wrong. I don't know anymore. I never heard back from her after my last response. And rather than be overbearing, I decided that I should probably just see if she ever gets back to me. This person knows that I've always been interested in her, but possibly never could believe it. I don't know what was so hard to believe about me absolutely adoring everything about this person. I tried my ass off to not be the beta-orbiter-piece of shit that I've admittedly been in the past. Hahahaha, god damn I'm pathetic.

Downstairs neighbors, I don't mind you having loud sex, but could you NOT do it at 4 in the morning. I don't care if I don't have to work the next day, I still like to fucking sleep.

>>17193909
I have an ever growing blood lust. I am slowly becoming corrupted and theres nothing i can do to stop it.
Anon, i really dont like you, i wish i never got to meet you. You are gross, disgusting, a fake, and the biggest wannabe i have ever met. You are repulsive and i wish you never asked me to prom in front of your friends- i didnt want to be a dick and say no, so i said yes.

>>17194125
The truth is, i brought my strong alcohol so i can at least have a better time than i what would have with you. I hope you git the message when i didnt hang out with you for a majority of the night, anon, dont drag me again.

I want you to be more affectionate towards me. I don't want to come off as clingy, but...

I've fallen hard for you love, to the point of no return, I knew this would happen, I feared it, but I've always loved you

I know our relationship is taboo but I can't see me being with anyone but you and I know you feel the same way too.

I do. I want to do something about that

>>17194069
This sounds very close to my feelings, in what you describe, I certainly didn't believe it when there was a possibility my love is requited, it's too lovely, I completely adore him, and I've said too much

>>17194069
or

I miss you so much. Crushing on you for two or three years now I'm losing count. We've been hot and cold all this time but we keep coming back. Our age difference is only thing that made me hesitant to ask you out but...that doesn't bother me at all anymore all I want is to be with you. I hope I see and talk to you soon I think my recovery from back surgery is going pretty well.

Wow
Ill but somehow feeling very good

>>17193936
Initials?

You're so fucking hot I love you

fuck this life man

>>17194181
I've seen you here before.

Initials or gender?

>tfw fucked up too badly
>have massive debt
>no job no money
>back to living with my mom
>no car
>no friends
>dont eat anything all day long for most of the days, maybe a soda and like some fruit here and there
>rapidly losing weight and hope in life
>everything is my fault, nobody is proud of me i'm just a massive failure who can't do anything fucking right and never finish what i'm supposed to do
>have never accomplished anything in my life
Wish I had a gun t b h

>>17193936
Meh, I've never been a fan of up tight people but you're attitude is twice as obnoxious. Not everyone has the same values as you.l

>>17194198
From J to K.

J,
I dont think I can be with you any more.
M

K.

I want to fuck your brains out. I want to drag it out as much as possible and pin you down for most of it. You weed is always dank and I now see that we have too much in common.

Please don't compliment me again. You'll only make things worse.

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I already made a thread about this, but maybe someone here will give me some much needed advice or perspective.

Long story short, I fucked up. I had a stable relationship with my girlfriend, and after my best friend told me she had feelings for me, I broke up my relationship, because, as I told her when I ended things, it wouldn´t be fair to her to be with someone who as not 100% committed to her. Then I came down and realized, without a doubt, that she is the only thing I want.

So after 3 weeks of trying to talk to her, we talked and I told her that I was sorry for not telling her earlier that my bestfriend had told me she had feelings for me, and I told her I missed her. Of course we could not start dating again, but this was a good opportunity to get to know each other as friends (we started dating almost immediately after meeting). In the end I told her that I still had feelings for her, and I would wait for her because now I know what I want.

Here is where I need your advice or some perspective: We have hung out some times, and I believe she still enjoys my company, but I don´t know how to get us to a dating dynamic again. If I don´t talk to her, she doesn´t talk to me, if I don´t make plans, she doesn´t make plans.

My trip begins in less than a week. I have no intention of ever coming back. I have nothing left here. I am filled with wonder and anxiety. I am happy to finally take this trip, sad at what has been lost, and happy to have the chance to possibly start anew. There is only one thing that would bring me back. Sadly, that miracle just won't happen.

>>17194213
How much debt?

>>17193996
Man here.

The discourse you would love to listen to is flawed; regardless, remember that feminists are human and, as such, most are fucking DUMB. Don't expect a high-level discourse, expect them hilariously misunderstanding both themselves and the world around them.

I miss you, the old you.

Fuck dude I know your gay for sure I just wish you'd notice me more :(

L.

Our first attempt at a relationship was wonderful for both of us; and then you decided to break up with a tear in your eye because "it lacked poetry". It wasn't the lack of beauty or love or little things that show how each cares for the other... but "poetry".

Then, at the second relationship attempt, you say you wanted a relationship where you had love and hate, right?

Poetry my ass. You've been so long hiding yourself with literature that you want to see yourself as part of some tragedy. Even the name you chose shows that.

The second relationship ended in a fight. From BOTH sides. And it doesn't matter who begun it, but since you're going to question it, well, I'd say you did. ("You're hiding something from me!" over and over and OVER again, do you remember?)

You also said I was "impotent" because, unlike you, I won't simply do something stupid to prove I can. Well, guess what: after some arguing, I pissed you off with that comment just to show you I could.

I'm quite aware of the implications of my comment... and I'm aware that, as soon as your anger fades off, you'll realize I said that for the reason I said that, to make you angry. More than that: everybody around you is already noticing it.

What am I doing? Nothing.

>>17193996
>I'm skinny but plain and I do scream that kind of misery aura, with a side dose of "please don't think I'm rude or snobby, I'm really just quiet because I'm awkward and shy as hell" which is apparently the worst curse.
The guys who like you just have manners, we don't stare or catcall. I don't even say anything flirty unless I know for sure a girl's single, for example.

>>17194032
If you like shy guys, consider being a little more forward: you don't have to sit there passively. It's 2016, you can take the lead.

>>17194567
I'm doing nothing because I'm no child to tweet "he's a child!". And as I write that, odds are you changed your discourse. From "he's impotent" to "he's childish" to "he's chauvinist"...

I'm doing nothing because as much as I'm angry at you, saying it would make your friends turn against you when they realize you're using them as bullets against me.

I'm doing nothing because you're trying to use the old catch-22 technique, where no matter what the other people say, you want to say "I won the debate! Yay!"

I'm doing nothing because "I'm not obliged to", as you say. And while you're trying to say to others and yourself "HE LOVES ME, BUT I DON'T LOVE HIM!!!", your anger and my silence say otherwise.

"I can" isn't the same as "I will" for anyone with a bit of maturity, but I stepped down to the playground to play on the same rules as you, and you lost.

I won't call you dumb. You aren't. But you do are extremely immature and stuck into a self-harm cycle.

I can't say we won't try again. Fuck, I can't even say what I'm going to lunch tomorrow. But, as things are going now, you know what?

Even loving you, and even if you wanted to retie the relationship (I don't think you want), I would still say no.

E.

>>17194612
PS: "you're doing gaslighting" isn't an acceptable replacement to "I don't want to lose the discussion!". This hints another difference between us: I'm worried about being accurate while you're worried about winning. Life's not a competition, everyone's gonna lose no matter how well we play.

And you lost the game, girl.

I think I may be slowly becoming dependent on alcohol for happiness and temporary escape.

I love my job, the people I work with, and life altogether. But I find myself irritable and easily annoyed without it.

I realize my smoking habit is slowly killing me, and seeing bloody mucus in the morning or blood in my sneezes doesn't phase me in the slightest anymore. I need to quit, but I enjoy it too much.

I really don't want to battle a painful illness or disease before 40 but I don't feel I actually care enough to stop.

I'm pretty sure you're open to a good dicking, and you're leaving after the summer...so I'm pretty sure I could get you in bed. But I'm afraid of spoiling our last summer as friends, and I'm pretty sure that even though you're dropping your girlfriend when you move, I don't want to be a homewrecker.

But man I want you to slip me that dick homeboy.

I've got a problem.

I am usually very nonchalant, laid-back, an unemotional. I typically don't give a fuck about anything and like to do my own thing. As a result, the type of women I tend to attract are the ones who like that sort of thing.

However, when I fall for a girl, I tend to become a completely different person. I start to act a lot more caring, and I like to spend as much time with them as possible. Sometimes I can seem rather clingy, I suppose, or even emotional. This never ends well.

Wat do?

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the person who ''loves'' me puts me down everyday, yells at me and threatens my family. Because of this person my family will not talk to me. But he reminds me everyday why I'm shit and why I deserve to be yelled at.

if I leave him i fear for my family

I am 5 years older than my boyfriend.

I am his first serious girlfriend, even though he has had more sexual partners and fuck buddies.
I have had 2 serious relationships before him.

My concern is that I am at a point where I can't be bothered dealing with juvenile degeneracy and pretty much know what I want in life and from a partner.

He shows signs of being a degenerate and I don't know if we can make it.
We want to settle down in the next few years but his fuck ups every now and then make me want to run and not look back.

I guess I am looking for husbando material now and worried he is not it.

Shits gonna get tough, but im gonna get through this nail and tooth if need be.

I think she's breaking. I'm so happy. So happy, but worried.

>>17194672
What fear do you have in leaving? He sounds like he'll be fine finding someone else until he grows up.

>>17194672
It's very simple. You look at him and his potential and see if you think he has/is capable of having what you want.

You decide to either take a risk and put up with his shit and wait it out until he grows into what you want (or doesn't) or you just fuck off now. It's really not a complicated matter. This is an investment, and if you're going to do it, do it wholeheartedly. He's your little cocoon waiting to hatch.

If you're sitting there thinking about taking the risk of depending on him not to do anything too bad, you're a fucking idiot. Just leave now. You need to be ready to deal with some, in your patronizing words, "juvenile degeneracy".

If you think he's worth it, then grow with him and be ready for what may come. If you don't want to make that investment, then I'm sure he'll be happier with someone who will.

>>17194672
>>17194709
It goes without saying but I feel I should mention the other possibility: If you don't see potential in him to have what you want, then you'll know it's not worth it either way, so you could just leave then and there.

You don't have to be so dramatic

my friends brother thinks I am a f a g g o t and my friend told me. that soured my mood.

i don't like men, but I also don't like women. I have the sex drive of a fucking pine cone, but c'mon man just because I've never had a gf doesn't mean I'm taking it in the butt.

>>17193909
I can't stop being a virgin one of these days, but fucking a women that I don't love terrifies me

I feel like I want to love someone but at the same time I don't.
I think constantly about how I don't want anyone to like me because I can't possibly like more than one person and so I try to prevent that because it's not fair to them. I don't know why anyone would like me and I don't think they would but I still try to prevent it. Because of this I of course can not love someone because that would be doing exactly what I didn't want to do.
Love probably doesn't even exist, I must be delusional to think so. And so I delude myself into confusion to the point where I don't even know what to believe and become pure neutral.

>>17194639
Interesting. I would have thought most girls would love this.
After all, isn't it popular in all kinds of stories?
An aloof, quiet, loner guy who doesn't give a fuck about the rest of the world but falls madly in love with one special girl...

>>17194747
We're sort of alike. I also don't want anyone to be attracted to me, because I feel bad that I can't reciprocate it and i know how unrequited love can hurt.
And now that i may have stumbled upon a mutual situation, i feel somehow worse because i don't think i'm anywhere near the kind of guy this girl deserves. I try to remind myself that if she actually does like me, it's not "my fault" and staying away from her would hurt her more.

What is with this stupid ISP's need to try to take money earlier than the scheduled date? When something is scheduled to be at the end of the month, don't try to take it on the 23rd of the month. This was even "resolved" on the phone two days ago and they still act as if they were entitled to that payment so they suspended the service.

maybe if i killed myself i'd hurt everyone around me

and it'd be a good thing

Fuck, maybe it wasn't you who was running that fake account.... Another one showed up lately and it's been harassing someone you couldn't possibly know.... What the hell
I accused you.. I was so sure it was you, I'm still pretty sure... Man
Fucking hell
I just want this night to be beautiful.

>>17193909
White power.

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Found out today that the girl I lost my virginity together with (many years ago) is currently pregnant with a child, strangely with the ex-boyfriend of the closest friend I had in highschool. We were both in those relationships simultaneously, but not sure how the two ended up together. Just sent a message to her, my old close friend, wondering how she feels about it. Haven't kept in touch with her in years.

That relationship used to mean a lot to me, I SHOULD be feeling something. But I feel nothing.
Been too apathetic about the social life and people here. I'm out leaving the country in a few months, anyways.
Don't know when I'll be back again.

>>17194004
Where are you going?

Don't fucking do it... dont listen to that goddamn voicemail at 4am. It'll just make you cry all over again and you won't get back to sleep. That version of him is gone and you'll never get him back.

>>17193996

Like the other guy said, the guys who like you are being polite.

Seriously, I've been called creepy so much I've given up on showing any sort of attention to women. What was once "You can look but you can't touch" is now "eye rape" so I keep my fucking head down.

Doesn't mean I don't like you, Doesn't mean that I think you're ugly. It just means, that if I think your cute or interesting or anything, I'm not going to show it.

>their body language doesn't scream "the flavor of the day is misery".

Sounds alot like that whole "resting bitch face" thing. It sucks.
Unfortunately, I'm the kind of guy who'll avoid girls like this. I don't even find them cute.

They could be the nicest people on the planet, but it's really not worth the risk. Shit, there's a girl at work I've nicknamed "deathstare bitchface" because of this. She looks like the kind of girl who'd call a man a "creep" if he went up and asked her what the time was. I had intended to actively avoid her as long as possible.
But one day in a moment of boredom and stupidity, I spoke to her. She was actually sweet.

Try to understand our point of view. You clearly know how feminists have a sexist narrative, and that alot of girls believe that narrative. "men are creepy sex pests who just want one thing".
It's is in our best interests to avoid girls who may be that hostile.

It isn't about shallowness, and it certainly isn't because you are not attractive (Shit, "deathstare bitchface" is a solid 8/10), it more about self preservation more than anything else.

Essentially, what I'm saying is, don't assume it's because you're unattractive - the problem is the social issues that lead men to avoid you. It's our problem, not yours.

All you gotta do is break the "first contact" barrier and show a guy you're not a bitch, and I swear, he'll be all over you.

So I got monster drunk and flirted with all of my husband's friends except one I kinda chewed that guy out. Husband knows, chided me something fierce, understandable. Made amends, it's all good in the neighborhood but it was seriously embarrassing.

Fought with my sister in law and made a snarky comment about her egocentric hyper-career sanctimony. It's a shame, I thought she was so nice. I liked her better than my other sis-in-law. But I understand now that decorum is what it is and reaffirmed my belief that everyone's an asshole in disguise. Including yours truly for being such a drunken sloot.

My inability to form bonds and connections with the people here is really taking a toll on my health. I find too often that I'm forming a bond with alcohol because I don't understand people here and they don't understand me. I can't connect with the people here. Consequently, it makes it all worse because i just make an ass of myself. If you can get worse than zero, drinking will do that. I want to just get up and flee. I want to learn survival skills and go live off grid like my father. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of people and their sanctimony and their smugness. If I could just go be one with nature for even just a while maybe I'll reclaim some peace of mind while feeling productive.

>>17195461
>flirted with all of my husband's friends except one I kinda chewed that guy out
>Except one, I chewed that guy out.

Your husbands new best friend.
You won't like it, but that's the only guy he'll be trusting.

>>17195491
nah seriously he's not insecure about it at all he knows i'm all talk and just looking for attention

>>17194238
Sorry, I thought you were someone else

I don't forgive you for any of it.

I'm lonely. I think I'm depressed again. I'll be okay eventually; I'm just really sad and I have nobody to tell.

Look, I just really want to tell you that if you try getting cute with my boyfriend again, I am going to eat your kidney. Don't. I'll burn you, I will.

>>17193909
I dont feel like Ive accomplished anything in my life. I really dont feel like an adult
Im 21, I still live with my parents, im just finishing community college and transferring to a legit university, Im a kissless virgin whcih I really blame on my living situation. I have no privacy and no confidence to bring a girl home, maybe if I was still 16 it wouldnt look as bad but at 21 I just feel pathetic. Thats really what it comes down to, I still feel like im 16. My life is exactly the same. I work a part time job, I go smoke weed with friends and Ii go to school while living at home. I know its lame to compare myself to other but I see people my age ior even younger buying houses and starting their lives and Im stuck in this twilight zone where it feels like my life has stopped. I know one day it'll pay off and I will get my life going but then there are times where Im happy how my life is, like I still get to be a little kid for a while longer and I dont want a GF or to move out because once I do theres no going back. Im starting to get comfortable staying in my home town forever and not leaving which scares me because I swore id never do it but Im starting to see the appeal
worst of all my life isnt even that shitty. My family is supportive, I have a job, money, friends, my living situation is better then most people who have it much worse then me, so when I get upset over all of this stuff I feel like an even bigger piece of shit

he made the first move
and the second

I really do resent my family for so many things. I think they do so much for me but all they really do is just spoil me with material things. I'm depressed and my therapist has made me realize I do resent them. They're fucking idiots. I hate my grandpa. He's such a loser. All he does is nothing with himself, talk shit about everything and continue to ruin this family with his meth habit. Always fucking asking for money, starting fights with everyone when he's tweaking out. He's the whole reason why I have so much anxiety because you never know when some shits going to go down and he always acts like he's in control when he's not. And my grandmother, she's so sweet and works literally so hard, but she's such a pushover. If she really fucking cared about our family she would send her stupid husband to rehab or have him put in jail for all the bad shit he's done. He's stolen so much over her things. He's waken her up in the middle of the night screaming for a ride or money to pay off people. And she doesn't do anything to help herself and acts like it doesn't really affect us kids growing up. She's in denial about being a hoarder and it pisses me off. You care more about meaningless shit you won't ever use and won't throw it out, and because of that our house is a fucking mess and I hate being there because of it. My room is the only clear and clean place I can escape to, and I'm not even there a lot. I'm always at my boyfriends place, spending the night every day, because I used to live there and it's just more comfortable to be there. They wonder why I'm so depressed or get agitated pretty quickly, it's because of them!! And my mom, she's so wonderful. I appreciate and love her a lot. But she raised me the wrong way and because of it I developed anxiety and depression at a young age and I'm still dealing with it because of her raising me so sheltered, not letting me hang out with people, punishing me for making mistakes and acting my age. Ugh!

>>17196067

That's what you wanted though, right? It doesn't matter to me, I stopped caring a few months ago.

Maybe one day you'll grow up and realize that what you're doing is hurting other people and hurting yourself. Then again, I think you're already too lost in your own web of lies to see the light without having to lose everything first.

thanks for being there for me sweetheart. Even when we don't have the words to say and you tell me you're always here for me, I feel safe and happy. I love you, and the answer is yes

>>17195999
I don't want nor need your forgiveness as I forgave myself. I don't regret a thing. I'm glad I turned out to be who I am today.

>>17194020
And no replies at all. been 40 Hours now.

>>17196006
Don't be delusional.

>>17196170
Initials?

I think I stole someone's lunch today by mistake. Either that or the restaurant just screwed up my order. I didn't realise until I'd already bit into it, so I didn't say anything, and no one else mentioned anything about getting the wrong order, so I guess it's fine.

Weird though. We ordered as a group and got called to collect all our orders at once, so I figured I must have accidentally taken the order of one of my friends. But no one around the table had what I thought I'd ordered, so it wasn't a simple switch. And no one had to hang back at the counter having a "where's my order?" conversation. So who the fuck's lunch did I even steal? Some other random schlub who happened to get called up at the same time as our group?
Sorry, bro. If it's any consolation, it was ok I guess. Man, this place sucks.

>>17193909
I'm tired of my shitty friends who aren't really friends at all. They don't really want good for me, and are backstabbing assholes. I guess it's on me, because I decided to stay in this piece of shit town to study and settled for friends I didn't really like to begin with. Honestly fuck them. They're vapid, soulless shitholes who have no purpose to their life other than to get drunk every weekend and discuss shit-tier movies. In a few years time they'll be depressed as shit I hope. I hope I fucking abandon them forever and start a new life somewhere soon enough.

>>17194536
I'm pan, dude, but I notice you all the time. Wish you'd say something...

>>17196006
Oh... Should I quit fucking him, too, then? Shame, he's got a very nice cock.

>>17196579
who the fuck are these people? if you fuck someone else's partner, expect their partner not to be pleased about it, and btw whoever is the person fucking around, don't be surprised if partner leaves you because it hurts them, stop hurting people

I love you
I'm scared.
Totally lost in a limitless word.
Translation is lost as well.
Knowing the past can help us build a future
Mistakes are known but not brought up.
Learning is a lifelong journey
And I wish to spend it learning with you.

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>>17193909
Hanging out with a redhead and a blonde separately. Have known both for years. Both are crazy. The blonde is much smarter, but more shifty. The red head isn't as smart, but more loyal.
They're both not too loyal seeing as they're both in relationships and trying to make out and fuck around with me. Both are super hot. Both are mortal enemies of eachother. Both come running to me when their guy is an ass and want to fuck. But now it's at a pivotal stage where I can choose either one for keeps.

Which girl do I keep for the summer?

Weird. The redhead just texted me right when I typed that.

Really, fucking really,You mean to tell me after all we have been through, after everything we have created, all the experiences we shared, all the times I supported you, all the times you supported me, all the problems we resolved, all the patience we had for each other, all the understanding we had for our differences, you decide to throw away something so good to, pursue some cheap thrills because of your childish impulses. Im sorry, im so sorry I have it different then you do, they say difficulty is relative to the individual but im gonna say this anyways. Im sorry I struggle with my life situation sometimes, im sorry I was born in a poor family, im sorry I have to push myself a ton to earn my degree, im sorry that because of my studies I may not have had enough time to spend as I could have, im sorry that all I did for you wasn't enough, im sorry I may have never had enough to begin with, im sorry I was never perfect,im sorry I will never be perfect, im sorry I always trid my hardest, im sorry about doing my best for you, im sorry I loved myself enough to be fair for both of us, im sorry I loved you, im sorry for wanting to make something beautiful with you, and im sorry that I didn't know you never wanted that, I know I will never be a hero that people will dream of, but I know I am my very own superman, and I know I will be treated as a hero someday to someone who will look at me, just like how I looked at you, I will always love and respect you, but to be honest, fuck you, fuck your bullshit, fuck your childishness, fuck your unfairness, fuck your half truths, fuck your insincerity, fuck your fickle way of being, fuck your lack of resolve and conviction, fuck your weak will to hold strong in times of adversity, fuck your laziness, fuck your selfishness, fuck your lack of effort in trying to save what we had built, fuck your impulsiveness and above all, Fuck you for giving up. I will always love you, and want nothing but the best for you, goodbye Yuki

I love you so much, more than words could ever do justice to explain, although I'll try to show them anyway, those times are fleeting, our love is consistent, I love you so much

>>17196606
I'm shitposting, chill, but thanks for blowing my cover :/

I'm cucking this guy hard, but I'm not seeing any other women and I don't owe him shit. I pity him and I don't understand how his girl is alright with the situation. This is bad karma that I'll have to work off at some point, I suppose, but I really need an outlet right now, I'm so stressed.

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Can it possibly be, by constructing values through knowledge if have overriden my personality, or perhaps i have strenghtned the traits i deem "good"?

(God, that was fucking lame, but still, a decent question.)

>>17194639
Fuck man. I'm the same. Recently I've had this problem where I take people that I really like for granted and then when I finally realize how much I care about them I work so hard for their attention an just end up losing them further away.
Honestly I feel much more natural and comfortable as my nonchalant self, so I've been trying my hardest to just keep cool and get closer to them by acknowledging them more, whilst at the same time staying natural and staying myself. I think I'm managing to pushin back my immediate reaction, giving too much attention and making myself look and feel like a goof in doing so, by calmly thinking about what i want, coming up with a good way of getting it and being more assertive with the person in engaging with.
Though I'm still trying to figure something out, when I don't have time to throughly think about what I want my knee-jerk caring reaction jumps in and the chemistry that my nonchalant side shared with the girl just vanishes. Fucking sucks man.

>>17196664
Fucking typos, sorry I'm drunk.

L P

You're fucking awesome and I appreciate you a lot. Over the years you've been an amazing friend. But until recently that's been all I've thought of you. In the past you've even expressed romantic interest in me, and i turned you down. It's been a year since then and I've expressed my affections for you, yet I can't tell how you feel. We spooned eachother to sleep last week held hands and kissed but the day after when i asked you if we could try dating you turned me down? First and foremost you're a precious friend. Hoever, this is no longer the full extent of my feelings for you. I've been trying to talk to you and make you laugh as usual but the harder the try the less successful I become. I find myself distracted by how you dressed today, how great you smell, how pretty you are. I want to hold you, and to do things we haven't done before. But mostly I want you to have a good time in my company and get closer to you, whether it be as friends or lovers.

These mixed signals are keeping me up at night, you gotta chill out with those. Also, seriously We'd look fucking awesome as a couple and even if it was just for one or two dates i'd love to hear out and make the whole world jealous. ;)

>>17196001
Hang in there. :( if you can go outside. Even sitting alone in a park is much nicer than alone in a room.

I killed my mentor, yet I am not his murderer.

How can I escape this cycle of guilt?

i really really need to get laid, last night i went out with some friends and somehow i ended up in another bar with a random girl i met there and i didnt get laid
i think i talk too much about my issues so girls go like NOPE

>>17193996
I'd like to hear your voice. I'm curious.

>>17196744
Continue his legacy and make him proud.

I'm tired of this war. I'm tired of hiding and being embarrassed about my race. We have been invading the Middle East since I was in the 3rd grade and I'm 22 now. I didn't expect it to last this long and it's cast me as an outsider for too long. I hate living in the south because it just amplifies some of the things I have been feeling.

It seems like the war will never end and there is no point anymore. I have wasted the best years of my life afraid of my race because of this war and the hate it has caused. I just want it to end

>>17196231
Why would you expect a reply?

Your initial post was brief, and the implications of your initial post were obvious.

That said, it is apparent that it is bothering you, despite your brevity.

So, why do you believe it was a mistake? Why is it eating away at you?

>>17190598
E,

I almost missed your post...

As you, too, were both the best, and worst, thing to ever happen to me. Neither of us was truly ready for one another, and we both left a large amount of scars on the other; I am sorry for not being the man I am now, but I never thought it possible for emotion so strong to exist. I never wanted to hurt you, but I was as a child, and did not treat you as you deserved. I am flawed.

I, too, hate what I did, as I hate what you did. That you hate me breaks what was left of my heart. Still, I think of you often, and dream of memories we never had a chance to make.

A year and a half later, and you still feel this way... You are a smart woman, and you have to know why. You know how strong our connection is, and it is still there... Think about that. Also think on this, that both times I have said I I was done with this thread, you have responded to prevent that; I haven't posted in months, and you know I will now stay.

Meet me for coffee; try to see the man I am now, and what could be. I would come to you, again, as I did so long ago. At the least, it could banish me from your thoughts, or your dreams.

Regardless, I will always love you.

- R

feel deflated; a leftover balloon from a kids party. Abandoned, forgotten about, wasting away, slowly deflating in a dirty, dark corner.
A hollowed out Halloween pumpkin left out in the sun to decay, it’s been days and days, I’m long forgotten.
I’ve lost who I am, who I was. How do you build yourself back up again when you have no foundation? I have nothing, no substance, the slightest breeze could blow me away and I’d vanish forever.

http://sweetasnothing.blog.com/page/2/

>>17197270
if you two actually know each other holy shieeet!

a year and a half? dude she says she hates you but that anon in the other thread is right that she still loves you if shes still thinking of you daily and dreaming bout you ffs. that long? damn most relationshits dont last that long haha.

meet him for coffee! thank me later.

>>17196984
She responded every time in the past when I messaged her.

Honestly, at this point I was becoming decent friends with her, but I think straight up asking her out undid all that.

I think I'm now in a relationship..
with the love of my life

I think I'm depressed. My life has lost color since losing her and hanging on the way I am isn't helping. I want that fiery passion I had for life before I ever started dating. The happiness I had even when I had nothing. Now I'm just stressed. Mind is always busy, racing, occupied with stressful thoughts. I really do regret everything I've done. This was the wrong choice. I said I was down for the ride, but honestly I didn't expect my life to turn out like this.

I don't know what to do to go back to the way I was. I don't think it's possible. I committed to something that changed me. I can't take that back.

>>17196662
You are a shit head.

>>17195999
Same.

>>17194507
over 10k

>>17196505
RLM is that you?

>>17197660
I'm 1.5k in debt but I can't pay it off so I feel for you partly.

FUCK no matter what I do...it doesn't work. I can't let go now because there will be no going back. I'll move on and stop caring... or maybe I won't ever be able to move on. I don't want that. I need find a way...Please, God, help me.

I can't have a job because every job I'm qualified for makes too little money, and it wouldn't be worth paying for child care. I'd be lucky to break even. The problem is that not working is driving me crazy. I hate not having spending money, and having to rely on others for everything.

I compretely fucking adore you and want to be with you forever

I don't really understand what's happening but everyone needs to chill out. Weird stuff.

I <3 H.

Yeah. Childish, immature thing to write. Just wanted to get it off my chest, somehow.
She's amazing.

To be honest, I never really have to say anything to her, it's like she can read my mind. She looks out for me.

Fuck. It's a shame she's already married.

yeah S, fuck you

I want to bomb California and have it start anew.

Mom,
Will you just fucking die already and end the suffering?

>>17197880
I wish my mom was alive.

>>17197882
Not him, but I wish my mom wasn't given a death sentence thanks to her meth addiction. Her kidneys are already fucked, her mood is erratic and dangerous, and she's just physically crumbling.

We all tried to stop it, but she just couldn't budge.

>>17197868
Yeah, well, fuk u 2, fagarabola

I've been in love with a girl and can't stop loving her. I've dated three other girls since, and in the end I just think about her.

I want her out of my head and my heart, or to talk to me again.

you're really fucking with my head, in a good way, kike if we're together - I need you

I mean "like" stupid fucking typos

I want to live somewhere exotic. Far away from anywhere. Alone.

I don't care if my friends will miss me.
I don't care if my family will miss me.

I just want to be completely alone, even if I said that I wanted some very, very long time all by myself, you wouldn't let me go.

I am not depressed, I just want to be alone.

fuck you Oliver. Please burn in hell.

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>>17197452
>4 of Cups for the bahavior of someone who isn't replying
Hilarious

Anyway, looks like she's giving it some consideration, but her mind is elsewhere at the moment. She intends to reply, but there's some procrastination there.

Either that or she's interested in another guy. You might be the backup.

Good luck

>>17198023
I hope it's just her giving it thought.

I asked her out in person almost two months ago, and she said yes without hesitation. But her friend may have had something to do with preventing it from going further.

Basically he asked her out in front of me, she said no 3 times before reluctantly going with him. When that friend is not around, she acts a little more natural around me.

I never saw them act like a couple though, as far as I know, she is still single

>>17197926
A death sentence for being addicted to meth? That doesn't make sense.

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT YOU WOMAN

I just want us to clear things up before you leave. Why are you hellbent on being so judgmental? Maybe we never became an item but we were friends once. You're so unreasonable it's idiotic...

I just wanted to say goodbye, wish you well, and thank you for that friendship, no matter how brief. But you think I'm such a bad guy.

Every time i look at her and see her eyes i feel so lost, pretty sure she thinks i'm cute, fuck i don't deserve her.

I'm so glad I have this place. I feel better on here than in places speciffically designed for emotional support and advice.

Thanks for head fucking me for double figures years, I've enjoyed every second truly, love. I can't wait for a revelation of our relationship!

>>17198076
He doesn't mean a literal death sentence, learn some figurative language. He means it's so out of hand that she will succumb to death because of it.

All you had to do to keep me around was not constantly smoke weed, and your dad is a cunt for breaking my boombox.

>>17198203
I see

someday im gonna stop being a pussy and im gonna stop fucking up potential good things with people i have feelings with just because i dont want to get rejected

>>17198203
If he said it like "If my mom didn't give herself a death sentence" it would've been easier to understand.

There are some things in life you just can't have no matter how hard you work for them huh? Man. I can't swallow this.

No matter what I say, I'm just not suited for it - I can never talk to anyone normally. I haven't been able to hold a conversation for the longest time... maybe I just don't want to?

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I only feel a small bit of guilt.

>usually polite guy
>drinking at memorial weekend cookout buddy is hosting
>everyone eventually relocates inside for games and such
>one guy is an obese know-it-all-nerd but I try and handle it
>openly says "LOL I browse 4chan hahaha"
>awkwardly chuckle at his jokes like everyone else
>he keeps constantly (and I mean every fucking minute) loudly commenting on everything like he's funny or deeply knows the material
>he keeps creepily trying to flirt with the girl I'm dating (he didn't know we were together or just didn't care) and creeps on some of the other women
>finally correct him on something out of sheer annoyance
>he barks back about how I'm wrong
>turn and say, "This isn't going to be an argument, (anon), since the facts are backing ME up. Now YOU need to back up and also shut up. You're not funny and you're creeping people out."
>guy gets really fucking upset and leaves
>save for gf and two friends everyone thinks I 'went too far' and was a dick

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>only dated one girl in the past and pretty much have little interest in romance/relationships/women
>meet a girl on Thursday that still hasn't left my mind
>tell friends I kinda like her and they act shocked
>they don't think she's hot at all
>for some reason find her crazy attractive
>curly long hair, pretty tall, beautiful voice and personality
>her shy and very kind personality with her height, her fucking EVERYTHING made my heart fucking flutter
>feel a weird level of attraction toward her that I've never ever felt in the past

This is weird.

i'm so tired of being held back by the people who are supposed to push me. every day i wake up hating my life but still fighting it. i know i can be great, anybody can be. why can't i? I'm a ghost, haunting my own dreams. But I don't have to be, and i refuse to believe that this will continue, that i'll still be here 5 years from now. i need to tell myself more often that i am actually worth something. i'm not just some durable wasted soul. i'm too old to be here, but i'm not too old to give up.

Gas the kikes
Race was now

>>17198274
Someday will never come if you don't fucking start today. You'll keep saying someday and that day will never come. Do it now.

>>17198440
cant i only see her once a week and that day is friday, she told me that she wanted to give me her weed because she is going to have to apply for some things and they are gonna need a blood sample or urine or some shit, and since she cant smoke anymore she might as well give it to me
is that a good time to ask her out?, after she gives me all of her weed and we hang out for one or two hours depending if she wants to stay in college?

>>17198400
Stop caring what other people think. My first GF between appearance, personality, intelligence, and sexuality was 10/10 to me. My friends told me she was average.

Also related: my friends were all into losing their virginity asap until my relationship went sexual and they started trying to judge premarital sex and tell me my relationship was a joke anyway. It lasted 5 years and I did things to her that would confuse their poor little minds. No regrets.

So I guess what I'm saying is, follow your own desires, it'll make a man out of you.

>>17198460

Thanks dude. Dunno what it exactly is but she basically made my heart catch fire. Like I said it's a strange sensation since the girl I dated in the past and girls I 'liked' never evoked such a feeling.

I'm fairly certain I'll see her again next weekend. I'll try and get her number and go from there.

>>17198457
It's your call man. If you feel it's the right time then just do it. Just don't make it seem like "Hey, go out with me cuz I'm doing you a solid." That shits never good

>>17193909
I'm bad at everything I do. I have no talents, no skills, I'm not physically gifted or good looking and I'm not all that smart. I'm not charismatic nor personable. This feeling of inferiority is eating away at my soul. I lose with women, video games, at my job, at college (before I graduated), at sports, at everything. Lose lose lose. Everyone always tells me to get good but what's the point when your best isn't ever good enough?

If I wasn't so scared of death I'd kill as many people as I could before getting offed by someone. At least this way I'd get the pleasure of denying some people the charmed life they were going to have.

It would be pretty fucking great if I could have some romantic success instead of no luck because I'm fucking black.

There's this boy. Man, I hate myself
So there's this kid, and I don't know why I have these feelings for young teen boys. The kid is really fucking cute, for real. I've had but a few chances to even glance at him and he's gorgeous. But I'll never get to even be his friend. I wouldn't do anything bad to him if I were but I won't even get a chance anyway. That's probably best.
But still, I've been wondering why I, while I like girls, do not care to involve myself emotionally with them. I see people have their oneitis and their crush and all that shit, but I do not really feel that way about girls, even girls who I get close to (haven't got around to dating a woman in years), I kinda just consider them for how comfortable I feel around them. But such things as a crush or romantic feelings... nope.
But then there's this boy. It's not the first time by the way, he reminds me a lot of another boy who I had a crush on several years ago. He was roughly the same age.
I still think of that boy from back then, though mainly I just want him to fuck me.
Yeah I'm a monster and all that shit, but the feeling is not inherently sexual actually, but it's the only way I have to canalize this feeling I get.

>>17198482
she is giving me the weed, im not giving her anything
she kinda asked me out last time and i fucked it up, heres how it went, not entirely sure if she asked me out or if it was a communication issue

i was smoking weed with her about 1 month ago, we are smoking and she told me that our mutual friend (lets call her Laura) wanted to go out, the 3 of us to eat lunch together the wednesday of that week, i said sure lets do it. Wednesday arrives and i don't see her outside of the class i share with Laura, so i thought she mustve forgot or something. The next day i was using my laptop sitting in the halls and she talked to me, she told me that she couldnt go out that wednesday because somethings came up and she was busy, so she told me the same thing Laura says lets meet this friday. I say OK, friday arrives and this time i ask Laura because we have a class together if we are getting lunch together that day, and Laura says that she has no idea about what i am talking about, and that she said nothing about us eating lunch together, so i changed the subject.
i asked a couple of friends and they all told me the same thing, the girl im crushing on wanted me to ask her out, but as i said im not sure if thats the case or if it was a communication issue and im telling the story wrong so the outcome seems better than it actually was

>>17198548
m8 you are gay, and you can always fuck twinks you know, not necesarily boys just young looking men?

I'm starting to become really depressed. I can't run from it anymore. I've kept myself entertained with trying to get her back while still going out and meeting new people and having fun. It crept up on me more and more every day. It's too visible now though. I can't accept it. It's in my face and it's suffocating me. I don't know if this is reality finally hitting me or if it's just one of those days where people say they find themselves drowning.

Maybe It's just one of those days. It started when I woke up today. I don't dream much. Maybe a couple times every few months. But today, I woke up from an awful dream. One of those dreams where I'm in a very bad real life situation, where I usually beg for it not to be real then wake up and am ecstatic that it's not and everything is okay then appreciate life so much more. Instead, today I wake up from that dream and think of the current situation I'm in and I thought to myself "This isn't much better than that situation" and didn't really feel appreciation for anything.

It made realize how much shittier life is than before. It made me realize (or feel) like my attempts weren't going anywhere and I wasn't making any progress. Normally I'm more positive than that. I feel like trash right now. Lower than low. I'm really hurting and I just want it to stop.

I feel like venting on here is bad sometimes because I feel like it's a bandage solution. I feel like it makes me feel better for a bit but not actually move forward.

But I don't want to let go. I feel like perhaps I'm scared to move on. Scared I'll miss out on something great I could've had or scared I won't be able to move on and will never find love or happiness again.

Main reason is probably stubborness. I can't let go. She's my first. I just want to be happy with her for a bit longer. I just want to feel like this was a success. Not something that ruined me.

Maybe tomorrow I'll drop the facade and tell her my feelings....maybe I'll keep up the charade.

I start work on June 13th. I need to get an apartment before then. I don't have a credit history, rarely ever used a bank - I've always been a cash only person. I've never rented before - I'm moving out of my parent's house as I just graduated. I won't be making 3x my rent. And nobody has gotten back in touch with me yet. This is bad.

>>17198551
Then just do it man. If it seems she likes you then just do it. I envy you man, I haven't crushed on anyone in a while and my heart is dying from lack of use. But seriously, it sounds like she wants you to just do it man.

>>17198566
initials op.

>>17198574
If you knew me you'd tell me my nickname.

Are you really going out with that guy D? I have nothing against him but you already know how I feel. I know I've hurt you but I've apologized and we used to be friends. Are you really not curious as to how it would've turned out with me before getting serious with him?

Somebody tell me what I'm doing wrong. I've got everything going for me and as nice and empathetic as I try to be, I still can't find a single friend. I feel like a failure, I'd give up anything to be good with people.

I hate fireworks, I hate being judgmental, I hatenosey people, I hate people who gossip, I hate people who steal memes its stupid ....I hate people who spread gossip..or fucking rumors...

>>17198616
Same here

It's even worse with dating. Go on a date and all contact cut or "sorry I'm busy..." For once I'd just like to know what I'm doing wrong. Why people are so eager to be friends or in a relationship with some people, but never me

>>17198616
What are your interests?

>>17198629
I used to be hot shit with girls but in the past two years I'm lucky to find one who'll talk to me. Idk man.
>>17198632
Literally have no idea. I've never been into something enough that I've stuck with it. The only interesting thing I'm doing now is writing a novel. 200 pages in.

>>17198645
I used to be very hit or miss, no real pattern, now I'm just miss and like you it's been like that for a few years.

But un like you I have heaps of interests and shit.

>>17198664
I thought your insight in having interests was going to lead to some enlightenment on how I could relate to people on an emotional level to establish friendships...

>>17198374
ahahaha
it's only creepy because he's fat
now that faggot's gonna come back here and talk about how he can't talk to women because people see him as a creep! and we get to listen to how it's because it's all our fault as a gender
thanks a lot, you jealous cock blocking retard, i bet you're an autistic little cunt who wishes he had half the charisma as that neckbeard

>male problems are caused by males fighting among themselves in the privilege hierarchy

boy oh boy is that ever true

K
You think I fucked up..and yeah, I fucked your mind over pretty bad. I get that you're pretty mad at me, but this wasn't my intention and you know it. There is never a good way to end things after 5 years. I feel like shit for how it happened, though. You keep telling me that everyone has crazy moments or that no one is perfect, which is true, but damn. I'm not your parent. A relationship shouldn't make you feel cautious or nervous. Nothing has improved after all this time and I don't think it will any time soon. The irony is that you finally got the help you needed after you realized I wasn't coming back. So I hope you continue with therapy and keep taking your meds. I just wish you would have seen why I kept asking you to get them sooner.
Best Regards

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>>17198699
>it's only creepy because he's fat

Fat ≠ creepy

I have fat friends that aren't creepy. You just have to know how to conduct yourself in social situations. Hell, one fat friend of mine is the coolest, kindest guy I've ever known and girls flock to him. The know-it-all in my post made comments like "Girls who game are sexy" while this one girl played some vidya. Add in heavy breathing, a sweat-soaked shirt and a speech impediment and yeah, that's creepy as fuck.

>jealous

Not at all. If you actually read my post you'd see that he was being an annoyance and was arrogant despite being incorrect. I'd never envy such behavior or personality.

>wishes he had half the charisma as that neckbeard

He had zero.

Stay mad, friend.

>>17198677
That was a different anon.

Interests don't matter if people aren't interested in you.

I feel like I try too hard to become like people I admire versus actually trying to develop my own personality.

I feel like I should have my own unique personalities but instead I'm just a copycat with nothing better to do.

Am I supposed to drink the blood?

>>17198750
ok, no you explained it thoroughly, i concede. sorry for being bitchy

>>17198777
adopting personality traits from people you admire is natural and normal. you might mimic them in the short term and that's also natural and normal. part of your personality is developed through your environment. how else exactly do you plan on developing a personality? the nurture part of personality comes from interaction with other people and understanding how they deal with life

Our relationship was too short for you to judge it so harshly and leave no room for anything. You don't know what could arise. I'm sure good things. Please open up your heart to me just one more time to at least give me a chance to make you happy again. I'm really not asking for much. Just one chance to see you again.

I'm losing myself over this. This is too fucked up. I'm way too depressed over so many things.

Believe me. You can't understand right now. You don't see what I see but I do see what you see and you know this. A lot of the things you say are impossible to be true, if not everything. And I can prove it in every case. But what I think actually has rationalizations.

That's why I realize at this point, it's not a matter of reason that this can't happen, but rather a lack of willingness on your side.

That's what fucking drives me crazy. There's no reason for us to be like this other than you just not wanting to try. That's why I can't let go.

Why can't I accept that reason? Because it's based off of false and fucked up thoughts. Not because you suddenly lost interest. I KNOW this.

Tell me, why don't you care or want to try? No interest? Why? Because we have nothing in common. Oh, God, that's fucking RICH. So all that time we spent we just shared nothing? The reason we moved SO FAST and got along so easily is for nothing? You only started saying all this shit after the series of events we went through.

>>17198808
Another reason...wait, you have none else. YOU LET GO OF ALL THE OTHER REASONS BECAUSE YOU REALIZED THEY MADE NO SENSE!

It's so sad because you're simply too immature for you to see anything from an unbiased, realistic amd change. Immature, which leads into stubborness, and a million other traits I won't bother to name.

I'm not saying what you say is fabricated. No, it's just grossly exaggerated and made to be bigger a problem than it is. Yes these problems existed but they weren't inherent. They were very fixable.

Look, I'll tell you what happened. Take it from me. I know you think you're wiser, more "enlightened" smarter and know everything because you're a big grown up girl! And I'm just a dumb brainwashed idiot! But try listening to me for a change, hear out a person who is years older than you and been through a lot more.

You and I met on strange circumstances. We both RAN at each other expecting a relationship. We got along so well so we were like hey let's do it! But You're far too immature and young to know what you want. I did though. So you went into this too fast. What we should have done is get to know each other a lot more. Spend time and let love grow so we could go into this wholeheartedly. You didnt realize you're not ready for a relationship. So what happened was little problems started to be fabricated and dramatized. All we thought about was stuff on the basis of a relationship and how this would work and if this is right and are we right for each other and will this work.

Instead of just enjoying each other and our time together, we focused too much on the status of the relationship, something that should flow naturally. So led to our downfall. We had too many problems and they blew up.

It sucks. Because I even saw all these red flags as soon as we met. But I took a risk and made a commitment. I TRIED to fix these but I didn't know how. I had no experience in these issues for fucks sake so I couldn't do it. Now I can though.

>>17198823
I don't even want a relationship. I just want you in my life again.

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>>17193909
Since I kissed you, I've only been thinking about you. I know that you don't want a relationship with me, I'm just a guy you can hook up with until you find someone worthy. This situation is making me upset. Really upset. I've been having huge mood swings this week when I have violent taught. I would never act on them, but I feel some great frustration inside of me. Fucken A

>Sophomore year of high school
>Girl started a rumor I was gay for lulz
>She was the type who did that kind of shit all the time
>Go to graduation party Senior year of high school
>Bump into her there
>Both drinking, I'd never been drunk before
>Actually get along for a bit
>End up alone upstairs
>Start touching her boobs
>Doesn't tell me to stop
>Keep going
>Start undressing her
>Tells me to stop
>Keep going
>She starts struggling
>Hold her down
>She stops fighting after I get her shirt off and goes limp
>She doesn't scream, although she could have
>She cums during the ensuing rape
>Bust inside her
>She doesn't ever tell anyone afaik
>I feel ashamed
>Never in my life do such a thing again, don't even drink at parties
>A few years later
>Adds me on social media out of the blue
>Browse her profile
>Pictures of her with a kid who looks just like me
>She apparently had a son about nine months after we graduated

tl;dr: raped a bastard into my high school bully

>>17198999
I don't believe this for one second. Nice read though

never posted in one of these, dont even have a real need to post this, im already at it so fuck it i might as well just let it happen, shits been so fucked lately, and i dont know what im doing, after leaving school and not going back, after seeing therapists, where is my life headed, i want to do something, i cant even trust my own comprehension of reality, i fucking need help, and my closest friend is either too busy or doesnt give a fuck about anyone anymore besides that fucking guy, and nobody plays someone other than fucking genji and mei and tracer im gonna fucking kill myself soon, who fucking reads this anyway, who would know this is me, who i am, doesnt matter anyway, why would you care, this sentence is not even a sentence, and fuck fixing it, the jews did 9/11, hitler wasn't all that bad, and the world isnt as it seems, its bed time

>>17198808
You're too dense.

>>17199515
Too dense? So I should just say fuck it and stop trying?

Yeah, I could do that and perhaps move on. Maybe take time to recover. Wait a long time before getting into something else, finding someone I have a better time with. Give her a break too. Just leave it all behind.

But why? Why abandon something I've already built? When all it needs is perhaps some effort. There's still a lot of potential, and there's definitely the possibility, so why should I leave it all behind? There's no reason not to at least try.

>>17199523
I thought you had stopped trying already.

>>17198999
You should write short stories, this was great

>>17199530
To keep her in my life? No. Am I trying for a relationship? No. Nor am I hoping for one unless some seriously dramatic changes happen.

>>17199535
Why aren't you telling this all to her?

>>17199551
Not the right time. I don't know if I'll ever say it. It might come out in bits. I hope one day I can find the right situation to tell her all at once while she actually listens. Of course, I'd word it much differently. Not so aggressively. I don't feel I could tell her anyway. Like I said, she's too young to be able to understand. She would just get back into her feelings and ridiculous thoughts just to say I'm wrong.

wowwowowow this is frustrating
i hate this guy seriously what the fuck

>>17199556
Good luck, anon. Don't wait too long.

>>17199569
>Don't wait too long.
Why

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>>17193909
Might as well try, but I'm terrible at putting things into words.

I hate myself. That much is easy to say.

I'm a hypocrite, but it's more than that. Hypocrisy is human nature. But I deny myself what I desire constantly. I'm my own bully. Every day I wake up fearing having to encounter myself, but everywhere I go I'm there.

When I know what will make me happy, I purposefully don't pursue it.

And I can't fix it.

I've tried reaching out to others for help, but it has had 100% failure rate. If it's madness to repeat the same actions time and again and expect things to change, I'm truly going mad. 20 years of professional and unprofessional help have done no good, there's no reason to believe the next person to walk along will be any different.

But then again, everyone is mad. All human life ends in death but everyone keeps living. It's madness that keeps people marching forward when they know there's no purpose to it all. So madness is itself a form of human nature, just like hypocrisy.

Yet the other drones, mad and hypocritical as they are, they find happiness. They indulge in the drugs of the earth and of their own creation and they desire to keep living. I only live because I desire not to. The day that I'm truly happy, I'll want to die - because I'll know I died at peace. But so long as my life is misery, I want to live. I want to live because I don't seek an escape, I seek a solution. I want happiness. I want to belong. I live out of spite. Spite at the earth for the hand it dealt me. I live only because by dying I lose and by living I hold on to a shred of hope that I can still win. The score is 0-28 but if I can score a single point maybe that'll be enough.

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>>17199575
I keep on living only because I hate myself. But I don't smile.

Others say that they smile when they're sad. They smile to hide the misery behind the mask. I think these people lie. They smile because there is true light inside of them and they let that show in favor of the negative emotions, but there's still some happiness there. There's still some reason to go on. I can't smile. I've tried. I curl my lips but it's not a smile. I flaunt my teeth, but there's no happiness in it. Everyone can see the cloud that hangs over me.

And survival instincts lead people away. They avoid me because they know that if they stand under a cloud they'll only get wet, too. So I'm alone. But being alone has its perks. None of the perks bring me joy, but they exist none-the-less and shouldn't be discounted. I have a lot of time. Time not spent playing sports or watching movies or going to bars is time I can spend observing. I can study, I can learn, and I can reflect. I can look at myself in a mirror and ask myself questions, and given a few thousand hours with nothing better to do I might stumble upon the answers.

So I at least know how I feel, but I've lost the ability to think in words. I think in graphs, pictures, and emotions. I can look at a situation and knows it's outcome, but I can't possibly tell it to you because English and my thoughts aren't compatible. I can feel the final emotional state of the people involved and know which ones will have unfinished business and which will feel resolved. However I could not adequately say what will transpire in a tangible sense, and so what constitutes as testable remains unspoken and any precognitive powers that come from watching an event play out before-hand lose all value.

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>>17199585
I find myself posting here not because I seek any absolution or assistance. If it's madness to expect help from a professional then it would be true insanity to expect it here and now.

I post here because I'm bored. I have nothing else to spend my time on. So I thought I would take the time to practice this ill-spoken language. Because practice makes perfect and the better I can become at formulating my thoughts into words the better I can assist others or seek assistance myself.

I'll end this post abruptly as the image is changing too rapidly to be of value. Although to the one who reads this, don't attempt to reflect on the words. They are not those of a normal human, and any relation you feel is only the result of your mirror neurons. Your life is not so dark and you are not so trapped.

I think "Hell" is the proper term, although Dante conflated it. The Bible never spoke of fire or brimstone, it never spoke of torture or punishment. In fact, the devil who was cast to hell was free to wander the desert and speak to Jesus. Hell is not a place of pain and suffering. Hell is Earth. To be damned is to never go to Heaven. To be trapped on the Earth. Forever. Free to wander, but never happy. Hell is big. You can get lost in it. And if you choose to do so, no one will ever find the body.

>>17199571
She may not let you back into her life after already moving on from you once.

>>17199599
Yeah...trying really fucking hard. But I think I need to keep it casual until something opens up. When I bring this shit on where I have to dump everything on her it goes badly.

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>>17199575
>I live out of spite.
> I live only because by dying I lose and by living I hold on to a shred of hope that I can still win. The score is 0-28 but if I can score a single point maybe that'll be enough.
Same here. I'm not sure what i'm even trying to prove or to whom, but I guess I'm just pathologically unable to give up or let it go. I have to at least land one punch eventually. I can't go down without a fight.
>I can't smile. I've tried. I curl my lips but it's not a smile
Me too, man. I feel like pic related trying to smile.
>I've lost the ability to think in words. I think in graphs, pictures, and emotions.
Same again. After being alone long enough, you start having a lot of difficulty translating thoughts into words. It bothers me since i used to be able to feel useful by explaining things to other people, advanced concepts, ideas, etc. Now I'm shit at that, i just confuse them. Feels terrible.

>>17199606
Live a little, anon. Bring this up with her and see where it goes. If she keeps acting like a child, she may not be worth your time anyway.

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>>17199619
Nope. Nopenopenope. Not listening to that advice. That's bad. That's a recipe for disaster nope. /adv/ has fucked me over once before.

>>17199621
Oh well. You're probably not him anyway. Good luck!

>>17199631
>You're probably not him anyway.
What's that supposed to mean.

>>17199633
That we're both in similar situations, anon.

>>17199631
>>17199633
Oh...you thought I might be someone you know. That's impossible. You'd know what to say to make me recognize you if I was. Go ahead and try.

>>17199649
Actually, if you knew me, you would have been so certain it was me after my rant you would have messaged me instantly no hesitation.

>>17199651
You're too crazy to be him. Don't worry.
Although you could always drop some initials.

>>17199664
Crazy, huh.
That's hilarious.

Do the sound of mind seek comfort in false hopes, and unspoken words?

I should think not.

There are two ways you can both deal with your situation. Internalize it eternally, or act and learn. One moves forward, the other is safety. What is safety really if you're only going to rot in place? Has life not taught us that loss is a part of gain?

I don't feel that any of us here hold the right to pass judgement on one another. We all regret something. At least we can learn from mistakes.

D,

I still think you're an ass for what you did. I still think I'm an ass for what I did too.

You know I can see your reddit comments, right? I like to think you aren't setting them up as bait or anything because that would be kind of weird.

I wonder if you still think about me sometimes

S

Just want to go somewhere far away. I hate my friends, my boyfriend and my surroundings. Hate my fucking life. I'm too nice. People think I'm naturally kind. That I live to please them. They are impressed at first, then start taking me for granted. I keep quiet but I have so much to say. Fucking losers. Yeah I accept my flaws, I admit I'm not perfect and I do, actively, seek advice and listen to others' opinion. Doesn't make you any smarter than me bitch, quite the opposite. I swear you give people your finger and they proceed to devour your whole hand. I'm keeping it cool, but one of these days, I'll be the fuck out and never look back. I know I can make it on my own, it's all the rest of them that gotta be concerned how they're gonna survive without someone wiping off their tears and fucking walking them through the simplest tasks.

>>17193909
Im a waste of space.

>>17199761
At least you are not a brony

Why do people who treat girls like pieces of shit get all the women, but someone that treats them nicely get not even the slightest of attention?

>>17199803
I know it's a cliche to ask this but it's fucking true

>>17199664
I might be a bit crazy, yeah, but fuck you. I doubt she can find anyone with my qualities again. I seriously doubt it. And they're many qualities all worth missing. That includes all the aesthetic qualities. If you have to be a little crazy in order to be the most caring and loving partner, then it's a worthy trade.

>>17199812
Correction, all partners who are that "loving/committed" are a little crazy.

>>17199761
You are indeed a waste of space, and you always will be... in the minds of others.

What are you to yourself? What do you want to be? What do you want to see? How do you wish people acted? How would your ideal partner act? What values do you cherish? What do you think this world needs?

Stop trying to force the lid onto the boiling pot, and just let yourself free. Yeah, you'll get burned along the way, but you'll also find something that makes it worth it in the end.

You can never stop others from thinking what they want, but you can always change what you think of yourself by taking action.

My only regret is that I didn't get angry. As loyal a friend I was to you all you did was put me on the back burner. I hate that I think calmly too often and rarely get angry. I hate that I let myself get caught up in your flow and I hate that I let you control me. I hate that you got me this fucking std and I hate that I didn't get angry at you for it. I hate that I let myself get so caught up in you it ruined my life. I hope you get exactly what the fuck you deserve and I hope I get to reclaim the person I used to be.

I'm abandoning all the things/people I love, one by one. Why?

haha life is good
uihhh girls
uhhh that one whos into video games - nah
exgf nah definitely not
that other girl id ask out but she doesnt live in my town
oh well
apparently im a good catch now
we'll see about that

>>17194695
You're messed up...?

>>17199556
you come across as patronising, I'm not sure what the problem is, you've only mentioned a difference in age. It sounds like trivialising over the status of the relationship, just ask them out! if that's too much for you, maybe you're the one that's too immature for a relationship. Being afraid to be hurt is not simply someone being immature, it matters more if you fall in love

>>17198062
At what point do I give up on her responding. I understand that it is a holiday weekend, so maybe just maybe she is just unable to answer.

Maybe she's considering it. I don't know. I just want an answer

I am home where I am surrounded by all of her things and can't get her off my mind. I am understanding that this is good she is leaving me for another guy, so I can now work on myself. I hope he loves her like I do, but better. Idk if anybody is going to read this medicated rant, but just know to love yourself before others and as long as you are breathing you have room to grow

I'm so scared and helpless, i din't want to en my life, I just want to have a better one

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I've been suicidal for the last twelve years and don't think I can last much longer. Was betrayed by everyone I knew when I was young and swore off relationships from 13-21, lowest point I wanted to kill people who said hello. 22, Could not stand the loneliness anymore and did not want to "wake up" at age 80 and feel regret for not bonding with anyone. So I forced myself to start being social again. mistrust\hate everything that walks but learn how to be around people and make them laugh, get invited over to homes, help people with their problems. 4 years later and I still don't feel anything for anyone. I'm happy when friends stop texting back, I don't feel any love for my parents who were near perfect, I can't get erections even with 10/10 gf with great personality I was with for months. I refuse to take pills from therapist to literally brainwash myself and exposure is the only other option but I feel like it's never going to change.

Taking about it helps me get past a few more months. Yall have a good night.

>>17199711
I like you.

>>17199772
Cheers to the man.
>>17199832
Thats pretty loaded response for little ole me. >What are you to yourself?
To me, I am nothing more then a machine.
>What do you want to be?
I want to be important to someone
>What do you want to see?
I want to see the ocean right now.
>How do you wish people acted?
I wish people would act in everyone interest, not just whats best for them at that moment.
>How would your ideal partner act?
cheerful and well mannered.
>What values do you cherish?
Intelligence and manners.
>What do you think this world needs?
Honest politicians.
I don't force a lid on anything. If I want to do something im gonna do it. Ive been burned many times along my path but I don't stop for anything. I know im a waste of space because I havent contributed enough to the world yet. Maybe one day Ill consider myself something significant.

I hate my father. If it was a different time period where it was easier to get away with it, I probably would have killed him by now. I am already completely determined to legally change my name once he's passed away to my mother's maiden name so I have nothing to do with him.

>is an alcoholic
>is fat and incredibly lazy
>was unemployed 40% of my childhood and adolescence
>was out partying 60% of my early childhood
>destroyed furniture on a weekly basis in drunken rages
>threatened to kill my mother if she ever left him
>my mother worked overtime in multiple jobs her whole life to sustain the family on her own
>father treats her like shit, calls her an idiot constantly and talks over her like she's nothing
>doesn't do any chores around the house, yells and moans whenever he has to, uses anything he does as currency to guilt trip my mother later on
>mother not only works but does all the cleaning, house maintenance, etc.
>she is a quiet, small-framed Christian whose nature is to simply endure all this
>father leaves dirty dishes everywhere, garbage on the counter, never refills paper goods or whatever, does absolutely nothing as if he doesn't have to
>has a constant air of snobbishness about him
>treats all our pets like shit, has hurt them when I was growing up
>all "generous" behavior from him is very obviously always a means of getting what he wants
>blames my mother for anything in social gatherings which over the years has socially ostracized my mother from many different friends
>frequently does things that are supposed to challenge my own masculinity as if he is saying that he is alpha dog, like Tony Soprano or some shit
>frequently refers to everything we own as his property alone despite having not obtained anything we own

The sheer insolence of his existence disgusts me.

>>17198171
I as well anon :,)

>>17198150
What it is about the eyes?

>>17200021

Are you working towards becoming important to somebody right now? Are you at the ocean right now? Are you acting in the interests of everybody around you? Are you cheerful and well mannered? Are you intelligent?

It isn't loaded, these are things you should know definitively. How can you possibly feel like anything more than a machine, or a waste of space to yourself if you don't know things as simple as these about yourself?

This isn't even digging deep yet. You've got to search yourself, Anon. What is driving you? Why do you want the things you want? What about the things you want makes them so appealing to you? At what point in your life did the value of these things become apparent?

By knowing your roots, you can ascertain a better resemblance of a perspective of your situation and the progress that you've made which will ultimately result in a sense of self-worth and less of a sense of self-depreciation.

How can you be happy if you aren't doing the things you want to do?

>>17200080
No not currently, I'm not worth enough to consider being important to someone. No, I do live near some lakes, but I like the vastness of the ocean more. I try to lookout for people around me, not as well as I could but I only divind myself into so many pieces before my ability to act falters. I consider myself well mannered but not cheerful, I try to keep my chin up though. I would consider myself intelligent, but I don't have backing for my claim. I don't know what drive me anon. That is a question I have put a lot of hard time thinking into, and I still don't have an answer. Because they keep me content. I don't want to do a lot honestly. They appeal to me, because like I stated they keep me content. When I learned how hard the world was without them.

I don't consider my self a happy person. And I doubt I will ever be anon. Content. That's the closest thing I get to a feeling of satisfaction.

What drives you?

I have awful allergy problems that make me feel like Im sick if I go outside too much.

But I cant focus and work when I feel antsy and trapped. I spend every day stuck indoors and my body gets upset and stressed from doing nothing. Then I go outside and run and feel worse. I dunno. I feel like Im just going to be trapped indoors

>>17200163
Go see a doctor and get meds for it.

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>>17193909
I do find you sexually attractive. Your 18 years old and so am I. You shouldn't get annoyed by finding out that I am any different to any other guy. I'm not a pervert unless all men are and if all men are perverts, then what is wrong with being a pervert?

>get up at 10a after working until 2a last night
>mom immediately gets mad at me for not getting anything done
>tell her it's because she keeps trying to get me to do everything at once and i'm tired
>no, anon, you're just lazy
>ok
>well you need to help clean this house
>mom, i have work at 3
>WELL WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IF WE GET UNEXPECTED VISITORS
>fine. start cleaning
>30 mins later she wants me to help her buy a tv for memorial day
>why the fuck are you waiting until the last min
>spend an hour looking at tvs (only the overpriced ones are on sale)
>turns out she doesn't have any money anyway
>now mad at me because i refuse to fuck up my savings so she can watch tv once a week
>fuck off back to cleaning/half preparing for work
>asks me what i'm doing for lunch noonish
>tell her i'm not hungry
>i want burgers anon i don't know where anything is in this kitchen help me anon
>practically make her burgers, forces me to sit and eat with her
>it's almost 1.
>start preparing for work seriously now
>mom hears shower running
>what, you're leaving already?
>no but...
>well before you start getting ready for work, i need to you help me with something on my computer that i've had a problem with for a week
>now? yeah! before you go!
>have to wait 15 mins for her to finish a game
>turns out her "problem" is an update prompt solved in 3 clicks
>no fuckin' words for this
>hops in shower to hear her calling my name as i'm toweling off
>what
>make sure to buy a, b, and c from the store today
>...what else
>can't you get stuff out of the closet for me
>been sitting here doing nothing for 10 minutes
>hasn't asked me to do a thing
>finally get up to sort out my work bag
>oh anon! i just remembered! before you go...

I'm pretty sure she's just fucking with me. Is she?

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I'm unsure about everything.

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>>17200497
You are me. I am getting lost in thinking till my head starts to rip itself apart. Exhausting.

>>17199651
That's funny... why would she want you to recognize her? Why would she message you after reading that tirade? All the more reason to grit her teeth and continue moving on.

Furthermore, if he has such thoughts as you, then he understands even less about me than I had thought. And he is too stupid for me to entrust him with another chance at that. Maybe she feels the same. Doesn't matter if she is "right", what will matter is the feeling she gets, and that is how she will make decisions. You aren't doing anything but wracking your brain over something already lost. So chill out for a while, turbo nerd.

>>17200545
It truly is exhausting.

This new job is not what I expected it to be, things can become super stressful from chill in 2 seconds flat.

On top of that I have the eyes of my friends, family and co-workers on me and the smallest mistakes do not go unnoticed.

Pay's good tho.

Please let us make this happen.

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ive molested multiple guys ranging from 16 to 25. And continually molested my brother for a year and a half. I hate myself because of it I dont know why I cant stop. I have literally considered suicide but i am too scared to go to jail. I still do consider suicide and this whole addiction makes me terrible at finding a relationship.

Yes I did cheat on you with her. I did have to choose between you two. I chose you, but not for the reasons you think. My heart is still with her.

>>17200746
You a guy or a girl?
Because if former, kill yourself, you disgusting freak, and if later, plz share some stories.

>>17200710
"icould just go out"
assuming youre fat and single. only your fault anon.

>>17200812
wat?

I still have gay thoughts about cheating on my gf with black dudes who've befriended me on the internet and I keep teasing them with pics of me in anime meido costumes

>>17193974
Is his name shawn?

>>17200682
I believe we can do it.

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I'm being a dick to my gf right now. Shit hasn't been that we'll the last year and I kinda miss the passion. Feels like I am the only one investing shit or taking an effort in our relationship.

So yesterday something happened and today, the entire day, I 've been dead silence to her and basicly being a dick to make her feel bad to teach her a lesson

Am I an asshole?

Initially, my dream started out with me playing MWO, which I probably play too much. It transitioned to where I was at some time of celebration; there were lots of people and I think there were many past friends or acquaintances, but I definitely saw some family members. What surprised me the most was the fact that I was sitting next to what I assumed was my GF, and I genuinely felt happy, loved, and content in this situation.

Then it progresses into a nightmare. I'm wielding some ice pops and they transform into pipes which I keep flailing around and hitting the ceiling and walls with. My past teacher and then random classmates who I didn't recognize/remember were there, ridiculing me for my stupidity.

I woke up feeling unwell and start feeling extreme guilt, remember things that have happened in the past. My mind was filled with feelings of extreme guilt from things I did in the past which ended up hurting those I genuinely cared about but looking back, I took them for granted. Tears started to flow and I cried silently.

Thanks Wellbrutin?I don't want to feel these feels ever again, at least not the negative ones.

In the past I was able to remember my dreams in much more detail and for longer, especially the good/happy ones. Other events I saw were glimpses into the future, which happened in real life and gave me extreme feelings of deja vu. This still goes on, but I'm so clinically depressed the feelings are 90% gone. I'm basically a mostly emotionless zombie.

One positive recurring thing I see in my good dreams is the girl of my dreams. Sadly I can't remember many details about her, not even her face. I just hope the dreams I had about her come true and that my life turns around.

It's said that dreams are an extension of your life when awoken. If something's on your mind, even subconsciously, then they might be processed in your dreams. I've also heard that the people you see in your dreams are people you've seen in real life, even if only in passing.

Lay the fuck down mom. I am 20 years old. I know how to take care of myself. Stop worrying to much. I don't need you to buy me clothes, I can do that all by self. Stop calling me every 5 hours, it's annoying. I don't need you to bring me coats on a cold day, because I already have a bunch of them and I am not fucking dumb enough to not use them.

>>17200997
Yes. When you stop communicating you stop being a friend. Instead of being childish and "punishing" people you care about with the silent treatment you should be talking to your girlfriend like an adult.

>>17199873
>you come across as patronising
I do, because I've given her nothing but respect and as a result, got nothing but her filthy, abhorrent, arrogant condescending attitude in return. I never normally have this attitude, I'm not that kind of person and I'm pretty disgusted to see myself act like this but damn, she needs to hear a few things.

>just ask them out
We used to be together. It's not a matter of just asking them out. And I don't think she's scared to be in love. She's just not ready to handle a relationship. I think it could have worked if we slowed down and stayed friends for a while first, but now she's saying she wants to be loved but no relationship. I believe her. I think she's a bit confused and I think I'm partly the reason for it. I really do think she wants love but I think after me it kind of fucked up her views and feelings. When I was with her, she seemed to start focusing less on me and more on other guys. Then I got that "I don't want to be tied down" shit. Then it just seemed like she was only going after other guys because she was no longer interested in me after all that'd happened. Now it seems like she's back to how she was before me. Just single and not doing much with anybody.

I think she does want love, but isn't ready to make the commitment.

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>>17201111

>>17200546
>Why would she message you after reading that tirade
She absolutely would. Knowing her like I do, that would've surely gotten a reaction. Not that I'd want it or hope for it. I'm glad she'll never see this.

> Doesn't matter if she is "right"
No, it doesn't, and yeah the feelings are absolute in dictating what happens. That's why I'm trying to see if they can change into something else. If someone feels a certain way based on false thoughts, thoughts that you forced yourself to believe/convinced yourself of, then clearly that person is missing something. If that's the case, then it means without those false premises, the feelings would be different. I want to see if they can actually change into something more rational, and then see what happens afterward.

Saying that "feelings" shit doesn't prove much. If you took a course of action in the heat of the moment, does it mean it's right? If someone pushed you accidentally then you hit them for revenge, and in that moment it all felt right and made sense, then afterward perpetuated your reasoning for doing it, despite it only being something so temporary and in the moment, does that make it right? If you calmed the fuck down and took a step back to really evaluate the situation, would you still feel the same way? I doubt it. This is the same situation. It's narrow thinking, immaturity and stubborness. childishness.

>But she's just not feeling it so it doesn't matter either way
Well then I'll just continue to persist and see if that changes because why the fuck not, right? I'm not saying she HAS to change and this is her fucking duty and responsibility. I'm only saying I see possibility for another outcome and I'm trying for it.

>turbo nerd
Christ.

I just want to fucking end myself right now, maybe i should

I can't believe I'm stuck in the friend zone of my ex gf whom I'm still in love with.

>>17201112
As if you're a fucking adult?

Fucking fatty gtfo.

>>17201217
>ex gf
You can get out of it.

>>17201235
You're only helping me prove my point.

Started seeing a girl a little while ago. Nothing serious, neither of us wanted a relationship. It went really well. We got along super well and saw each other regularly and she was even raving about how great I was to her friends. It was pretty much a given that next time we saw each other we were gonna take each others' virginities.

Last week she broke it off out of nowhere. Completely unexpectedly, no one saw it coming. Literally happened through text mid conversation in the evening after we had been having a great conversation all day prior.

It's affected me so much more than I expected, and I'm genuinely hurting from this. We have several mutual friends so I still see her a lot. I saw her the other day and I felt really weird and empty in a sense. I'll definitely be seeing her later this week too, and alcohol will be involved too so who knows what could happen.

I don't know what to fucking do.

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>>17201303
>implying you're talking to the same guy

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>>17201206
This.

>>17200780
im a guy. and i might. just working up the courage and making sure i leave everyone off well. i am needed right now but soon...

>>17198733
Hahahaha, oh fuck. This sounds familiar, but I was never mad at this person;only myself. I knew this person for five years, but what helped the most was getting off of medication and therapy. What a fucking joke.

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I just realized I'd be making 1520 before taxes per paycheck, not 760. I'VE BEEN FORGETTING TO MULTIPLY BY TWO. I'M RETARDED. I THOUGHT I'D ONLY BE MAKING 1520 A MONTH BUT IT'D BE 3040. I DON'T HAVE TO FIND A GHETTO APARTMENT. I CAN LIVE COMFORTABLY. I'M SO MUCH MORE EXCITED THAN I WAS ORIGINALLY

I'll admit....I can't wait to see you tonight. I'm interested in what you have to say.

I kinda just put on the latex stuff that are actually meant to be worn by my s.o. and I liked it.... A lot....

Whew, that's off my chest.

>>17201421
Each person handles things differently. But being with someone like that is hard when they don't even want to help themselves. In my case, K was looking for validation where it wasn't even there. Nothing I did was helping, nothing I said made them feel better. But now they are starting to get a little better. Their mind is clearing a bit and they're enjoying therapy so hopefully one day they find happiness where I couldn't provide it.

I hate myself more and more every day.

>>17201562
That's good to hear. I hope your K gets better. I can understand the "being with someone like that is hard when they don't even want to help themselves."

I was once that type of person. Unfortunately I was fucked up on prescribed medications that were making depression/bi-polar unbearable. It's still pretty tough at times, but adjusting cognitive thinking can do wonders.

I can't get him out of my head, I've never even met this person in real life and I can't get him out of my head, make it stop I don't know why this is happening and I don't even really care, he just lingers there in the back of my mind it's driving me insane make it stop

>>17201623
Nice voice and way with words?

>>17201632
What?

>>17201635
Most likely reason to obsess over someone you've never met.

Why am I always by myself. Nobody is ever here by my side in public or during the day doing things with me. I'm never home I'm always at work so quality time with my family whom I kind of resent never happens. I'm at my boyfriends place a lot. But we only really actually hang out during the night. He has his own things to do during the day, but sometimes I wish I was there with him. Or if he was with me while I was doing meaningless things like going to the store or something. I'm always alone. It hurts but I've learned to deal with it and that sucks. I shouldn't be doing everything by myself. I'm only 20. I don't even have close friends to hang with. All I do is go to two jobs and work on my side business. I put more hours into working than I have going out or vacationing, having fun. There is never a day off for me, unless I'm vacationing somewhere without wifi I will be using my occasional off days to work on something. Is success really a lonely road? Have I just never given myself the time to invest in relationships with others, because it feels like all of my time invested goes towards my future or whatever

>>17201644
Yeah, we talked for a really long time too. He stopped messaging me and now I feel really awful and I don't know why, we where just internet friends, it should bug me this much.

>>17201657
How long ago did he stop messaging you? How long were you messaging before he stopped?

>>17201680
We probably messaged everyday for a couple of months. He stop messaging me at the end of Febuary, but I still worry about what happened to him since he always said he would stop messaging randomly without warning. Maybe that was a lie, the unknownness is what's eating at me mainly. Maybe I was just too anoying or stupid.

You're a piece of shit.

I love you, I respect you, but you are the most close-minded, ignorant, biased fucking hypocrite I've ever met. You get mad over the littlest things, shut down or downright talk over anyone who'll prove you wrong, disrespect people who didn't even do anything to you and most of all, you aren't half as well-informed as you think.

You may be my father, and you raised me well. You raised me to not take any shit and to stand my ground. But whenever anybody that's not your boss stands their ground and tells you to try and listen you get all fucking defensive and shut them down.

"You need to do some research."

No, you need to stop being a fucking asshole and be a goddamn human being for once.

Fuck you. I love you and I hope you a happy fucking life you hypocrite.

2 months ago, I felt cared for for the first time in what seems forever

The past 1.5 months left me feeling completely alone and discarded

And now I feel lighter than I have in years. I feel like I've finally started to take the major steps I need to within my head to stop caring so much about what others think of me.

Fuck you Kam. You're not sick your just mad she turned you down. Stop being a faggot. You're making work uncomfortable.

>>17201699
That's four months ago almost. Did you ever try to message him to figure out what happened? Is he still coming online on whatever app you guys were using to talk or has he been offline the entire time?

Are you both single?

>>17201590
Thanks. Hope things continue to get better for you as well! :)

>>17201733
I messaged him after a few weeks past saying he didn't have to talk to me and I hope he was well. Shit was going down at his end, I'm worried he might have committed suicide. He never messaged back.
We where both single I think, but I swear it wasn't like that. We never swapped pictures and decided to remain anonymous, we where just pen pals to vent too. I shouldn't be as consumed as I am about it but I have bad abandonment issues already.

I fucking miss you martha, i cant stop thinking about you. It's making me go crazy. I should have told you. I love you. I miss you. Even if e haven't seen each other in years. I can't first you. I will never stop loving you.
Peace

>>17201787
Bruce?

>>17201760
It's only natural to miss a close friend especially when they just disappear without telling you that something is going on. I wouldn't start thinking you're losing it or anything quite yet.

I'm guessing there's no social media or anything that you can use to find him?

Brad Petrey didn't deserve punishment.

I can't believe you're even talking to me. I can't believe you think of me enough to message me before I message you.

This kind of attention is new to me and I'm so afraid that any day now you lose interest and disappear.

>>17201809
No, I know his first name and what country he lives in and that's it. Thanks by the way, it feels good to get this off my chest.

I love you as the sun rises and falls, as the moon shines and fades, as the stars glisten in your eyes, I am taken, fixated, obsessed, blessed

I feel so confused right now

>>17201832
Yup, np, I know how it feels and I've gone through the same thing myself. Having a close friend to chat with all day is nice but it can be too nice. It's easy to get addicted and if they disappear suddenly you go through dopamine withdrawl which can make you feel like you're losing it.

Try to focus on yourself and the things that are within your control. I know it's hard but there's literally nothing else you can do right now.

Good luck anon.

D, I'll never stop loving you're

>>17201849
Thanks, I appreciate you talking to me about this. I feel a lot better now, I'll take your advice.

It was weird, I was standing next to your bed watching you fumble for a condom and out of nowhere I thought "oh my god I'm going to marry him."

I must be crazy because that's not happening.

>>17201155
Please just ask her, reading your post was frustrating, just try to make it work, sounds like she has feelings, ask her out. You'll know then how she feels rather than speculation. She could be in love with you

>>17201908
I don't think you understand the situation. Either that or you're still hanging on to the idea that you might know me. Or this is an elaborate attempt to get me to fuck up so she can finally cut me off and force me to move on. What part of any of my posts gave you the impression that she has any feelings for me? I can't say she hates me because that would make me an idiot, but she really doesn't like me. If I ask her out, which I have before multiple times, she throws a fucking fit of rage and tells me to leave her alone then ignores me and I have to start back at square fucking -1 to get her to warm up to me again.

My emotions feel so horribly entangled and I just don't know where to begin with straightening them out. I'd like to start straightening them out with this one girl, though. She feels like an enigma, but at the same time, she seems like such a cute, lonely person who needs someone. My mind's all flustered from the thought of dating her or getting to know her better, though. Is it an act? Would she even be interested? What is she even looking for? I want to play it safe and keep it as a friendship, but jumping in and just going for it might turn out to be the best decision. Maybe I'm overthinking stuff and I should just rest it off.

>>17201908
I'm not the person who you are replying to but i also have a similar situation.

Any chance you'll give Initials? Or Initials of guy you like?

>>17201946
Back to square 1 it is then

Most of the time, I think you might just be a fuck boy, but then we start talking about random shit and I have to remind myself not to take it seriously because i am not invested, yet. I'm over thinking it, it's silly, but I think about you a lot and what it feels like to be underneath you and...i like it.

I dunno what your end game is but as long as it isn't ghosting me I'm good. I just like to know when I'm being left. Then I know I can find someone new.

>>17202129
Initials please?

I really wish I could see her again. I want to see her again. I hope I'm making some sort of progress. Please.

I'm a real piece of shit. All I want to do is sleep around and be a manslut but I'm not confident or outgoing enough to accomplish it.

I wish my libido would just die off because there's so many other things in life to appreciate than sex.

I don't know what I was supposed to do or still am. I'm not trying to please people although it will be seen that way regardless because you can't control what other people see. But, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck is going on. Back to nothing.

>>17193909
I am beginning to feel like life is meaningless

You are the only one who I came close to telling important things. I'm glad I didn't. You would have told our two mutual friends, would have had them promise not to tell anyone else. And you know what? I know they really wouldn't tell anyone else. Shame that you have no sense of confidentiality.

I wish it wasn't this hard with this much uncertainty.

Quite honestly, I can admit that it'll only be worth it if this works. It won't be worth it if it doesn't after all this time, stress and life spent and wasted away on this.

>>17193909
There's only three single females who I'm around in my life right now, one is a chubby mexican who I think has already been railed by several of my coworkers, one is 27 and sexually repressed and acts like a dyke, and the other is a fat and also acts like a dyke but not as much

even if there where young skinny normal girls in my life I wouldn't talk to them at all because I have no respect for myself and can't envision any girl being comfortable with being seen in public with me and showing me to her parents

I probably won't get laid until I'm 25 and I'll most likely be drunk when it happens

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2 AM in the morning, contemplating my meaningless life and wondering if I'll ever get off this damn train, I call my future, that's destined to crash and burn.

I don't think I'll make it in life.

I just want to own a house, work, and come home to play vidya and browse the internet. Fuck relationships, fuck kids, fuck continuing my lineage.

I just. I just wanna make it. I really do.

Yep. I really am slowly becoming more and more depressed. Reality is really starting to kick in. Can't run anymore. I don't know how to deal with it.

I don't know how to deal with it because I'm ruling out all options but one that I'm stubbornly insisting on. There's nothing besides that option that I will consider.

>>17203046
Nah fuck that shit. Let me write what's really on my chest.

It's almost 2 AM. The night is dark and quiet, peaceful to be honest. But this peace can only last for so long. Soon the sun will rise and the day will begin anew. I'll wake up, jump on my computer, and waste another 16 hours of life away on games, anime, and 4chan. I'll jump on skype rarely to chat with friends and play games together. I'll jump on soundcloud and listen to trip hop or vaporwave. I'll watch a few twitch streams and have a few laughs here and there. I'll blank out on whatever chores or duties I have today. I'll forget about the things that need to be done to help my future. I'll do all these things in combination to escape this shitty world we call reality.

So it's 2 AM. I'm tired as hell, but I wonder if I should fall asleep. Here I am contemplating life and wondering about how I'll deal with this unavoidable fate called reality. Maybe I should just go to sleep and blow this over. Maybe these thoughts will be gone when I wake up and I'll go back into the usual loop. But I know I'll have to face reality sooner or later so why keep running? Is this really all I can do? Am I really this meaningless and lazy. Am I simply unable to come to terms with everything that's going on around me and face it. In a few months I'll be in college and then on my own with a large--yet small in comparison to other colleges--debt. I'll have to find jobs, work, and muster up enough cash, experience, and more till I can finally live on my own and not have to worry about struggling to pay bills and such. I'll have to learn how to cook lunch and dinner meals for myself so I don't starve and spend unnecessary cash on fast food and delivery. I'll have to file tax returns and whatever other shit that comes up in the mail, email, or wherever. I'll have to find a house that affordable and that I can work with both cash-wise and life-wise. Whatever I haven't listed I'll have to deal with as well...

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>>17203133
Continued.

I don't even know if I'll make it. Maybe I'll fail in college and drop out. Maybe I'll become some bum and fail my parents--they've already told me I've failed them in a way. Hell I've treated them like shit for 8 fucking years. No wonder everyone except my mother has left me.

I'm fucking too tired to continue writing, but I don't want this night time peace and contemplating to end. I want to plan out my life, my future. I want to know that I can make it. But I'll never know. I'll never know.

Reality fucking sucks. I wish I could end it like I ended my family ties.

So do I fall asleep and let myself slip into this loop, or fall asleep and face reality? Whatever decision I make I need to make soon. Or else it'll be too late to choose.

Night /adv/. I hope you all get through your shit. I can only hope I can get through mine.

I just want this to end. To all stop. To be solved. Fixed. My way.

I'v never loved anything nor have passion to do anything,I plan but never act, while with the choice of a thousands paths might as well give me none.It's starting to get to me it really is, I choose one thing it isn't as I imagined I drop it now I'm back to square one,wasting resources and time,I'm about to waste myself or rather it's been on my mind as a option for along time just sitting on the table as i keep desperately try to putting more options on and try not to think about it.