Get It Off Your Chest Thread

You're going to get aids you dumb fuck.

I feel like killing myself.

>>17182965
whats up?

>>17182967
Stuck between a rock and a hard place, I suppose. I don't feel like the things that are wrong are worth complaining about, but it's enough to make me feel like not wanting to continue living.

Fuck. This situation is not clear one way or the other. I keep getting people saying that I still have a chance with her.

Why. What do they see that implies that I have a chance?

I just want to be happy

>>17182982
Life is uncertain. Thats a guarantee. Enjoy the crazy ride, or hide away from it all. Getting off early is for pussys, don't be a pussy.

I want to die but I don't want to go through physical pain.

I just want to blink and be gone.

>>17183042
I have been hiding away from it all, and I'm approaching a point where I'm not able to. I am a pussy. I know it's selfish, and I know I would hurt the people close to me. But I don't have the courage or the drive to get the help I need.

My life is unfulfilling, I'm stuck with getting just enough satisfaction to not want to violently kill myself but everything is meaningless. God I hope I die in my sleep sometime soon

I feel like my so isn't the same ever since she started taking meds. I fell in love with the way she was before the meds, and I find myself immoral for wishing that she'd go back to the way she was. I feel little to no affection and return can barely give any. Should I dump her or wait till she gets so uninterested that she'll casually dump me or worse

>>17183082
What is she feels exactly the same?

Reposting from last night

I like you a lot and you like me. What's the point of playing games here. We both know we have the potential for a great relationship. That Saturday was a fantastic night for the both of us. Even though it wasnt planned, it was real you know it. I looked into your eyes but you were showing more than that. Like I could see everything you were feeling,how much you liked me. That moment we were sure about our feelings for each other. I asked if you wanted to make it work. You said yeah but it's not the best time,you're going to college. I said i dont care when it ends,i want to make this work for as long as we can,i want you. You looked at me with those eyes again,and said you want to be with me too. You said i make you feel special,you knew i wasnt like the other guys.

In the back of my mind,you didnt move on completely from your ex. But that relationship fizzled out over the last 2 months,and towards the end you guys were fighting and yelling at each other multiple times each day. He makes you feel like shit for being yourself. Getting pissy over Small shit like your clothes,hanging out with your friends,not laughing at his shitty jokes,not agreeing when he complains,basically not catering to him. Why the fuck are you still on this guy. You say you hate clingy, picky, and desperate people. Literally what you describe him as is what you hate. You say he's immature,clings on you like teflon,makes you feel like shit,and on top of all that he wants to marry and have children with you. The man is fucking crazy for thinking all that at this young age. I know damn well you're not down for serious commitment. You flirt all the time and even identified yourself as a hoe. You play for both teams and are down for freaky shit. But he dont know that but you still on him. But despite all that,you're a loyal girl,thats proven.

I dont understand you.I used to lose sleep over you but now i dont care. Make a fucking decision or don't play with my emotions

>>17183099
She says that she feels a lot stupider, she no longer has the spontaneity that attracted me in the first place. She doesn't think in the same way and she's become extroverted whereas she was introverted.

>>17183060
What would help?

>>17183115
Are you ready to begin whatever you think needs to happen next?

I don't know what's wrong with me. Just went back from a good time with some friends at a bar and feel like shit. I feel sad and can't point what's wrong with me or what's making me sad. I want to have a girlfriend, but I keep telling myself I'm too shitty and boring to be deserving of someone else's time.

I really wish she wasn't a whore.

A poem for him

Fuck you.

I have a best friend. I don't have a girlfriend

I started crushing on a qt like 6 months ago. In the beginning I could get a nice conversation going. Maybe the initial spark was never there or I ruined with my autismo, but she started ignoring me and stuff. I wasn't having none of that shit, so I decided to distance myself and cut off contact.

Recently I learned by best friend met my crush like 2~3 weeks ago and started talking and stuff. They're not dating, but he's getting there. I'm happy for him because his ex gf turned out to be a huge bitch and he even ended up homeless for 3 weeks because of her, and he wouldn't shut his mouth about it. On the other hand I'm in that awkward phase where I don't want to see that girl but still have leftover feelings for her. This is making me unconsciously drift apart from him a bit.

I feel like shit because my actions are being illogical af, and ultimately putting an unecessary strain on one of the few people who gives a shit about me

>>17183239
Lmao same girl, same

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Being a caregiver to someone you love is one of the most stressful things there is. There have been times that I wish I could off myself or buy a plane ticket and never come back.

>>17183280
guys are assholes. fuckem all.

Im nearly ready to just give up, to give in. And forget this world. But why am I such a pussy even at being a pussy and killing myself.

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>>17183316

Danny I love you

I just farted

>>17183307
This fucking feel

>>17182983
You make her happy? Just look at her face when she's next to you in a photo, even with others around

When will a girl redeem her "one (1) free boyfriend" coupon on me

>>17183216
She could have a complete breakdown and ruin my life, so I don't know. Plus I don't know if it would be moral to just dump her over this. I read about antidepressants and apparently they do smother romantic feelings by fucking with dopamine. It completely removes the feeling of attachment, which is a major part of every relationship. I don't want to be selfish by trying to get her off it, she says she feels better than ever (hurt me a bit too)
All in all, I don't know what to do, I wish she could just vanish and I'd have closure knowing that I've been good to her throughout her illness

>>17183637
Soon anon, soon.

Or, you could cash in your "One (1) Free Girlfriend" coupon on a nice girl.

>>17183208
Super late response. But I need therapy, but I have a deep fear of going.

The girl that I am currently dating hasn't had her first kiss yet. She says that it "makes her anxious" and she wants to wait until the time is right. Meanwhile, I just want to get it over with, except I am a puss when it comes to making moves, so i'm afraid that I'll fuck it up somehow.

Why did you bring me here? Did you actually plan on me sitting here bored to death while you ignore me? You knew I didn't feel well. Why didn't you just go by yourself?

>>17183629
The thing is that we are not together, and don't have any photos together.

But I am working on that, and It looks like it won't happen with her, But, some think it will happen. For what ever reason they think it will.

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when Im home alone for a few hours, I dress myself up like a girl with my sisters dresses and make up
then I take some smelly socks Ive stolen from various female friends. I tape my mouth shut and force myslef to smell them while dressed as a girl.
Its part of a fantasy where I pretend ive been caught spying on some girls or lost a bet and they dressed me in drag and made me smell their feet. its some of the most intense fapping ive ever done and I cant stop. Regular masturbation doesnt even seem as good now

I have 2 watches and 3 shirts.

>>17183768
How old could you possibly be?

She's fucking gorgeous. Is she dangerous? She's way too good for me, isn't she
Is she gonna break my heart? No, it won't get that far
is she gonna tear me apart

>>17183977
not a girl but... I didn't have my first kiss until I was 19.

In HS no one wanted fucking anything to do with me. I come from a small town of rednecks and I was chubby as fuckkkk. People didn't HATE me but to show you how hillbilly my HS was video games and anime were completely unknown for 90% of the students. I graduated in 2005 and literally only the 4 of my friends knew what any of that shit was. Including the one girl they all wanted to bang because GIRLS AND VIDYA GAMES NO WAY We didn't even get highspeed internet until late 2006-early 2007.

It was strange going to college I took a year break after HS to work at a local photography studio that did senior portraits and sports teams photos. I was their touch up artists and they were surprised I even knew what photoshop was let alone I had been using it for 7 years and already mastered it.

I used that year to exercise and lose all my chub so when I got into college I was the coolest kid there, no exaggerations. It was a popular art school and I have been known a bit online before I even got there. When I first arrived everyone was sharing their work and when they saw my sketchbook were like "OH COOL! You're anon!" For the first few months random people would come up to me an be "So you're anon huh. I thought you would be taller, have black hair and wear a suit"

So going from a complete nobody in HS to the kid everyone wanted to be with, even the amazingly talented seniors were inviting me to their parties. Not even trying to brag here. That was literally my experience going into college. Everyone already knew me before I even stepped off the plane. I had this same exact experience when I got my first studio job as well. I walked in and did the little tour and every other person was like "oh cool, it's anon!"

I was and am still socially retarded but HS is kinda lonely for most people like me.

I'm being over sensitive and irrational but my best friend has kind of been ignoring me and it feels really bad.
I was never the type to get jealous or want to hang out with someone a lot, but I really like to spend my time with her.
Ever since the summer started she's been hanging out with other people and I'm jealous. I feel so stupid and bad for being jealous, but when she can't even bother to respond to me snaps when I know she's not doing anything.. Just feels like maybe it was one sided.
I've been really sad over it. I have other friends and a boyfriend but I still feel a little lonely.
Oh well. I'm sure I'll get over it, just sucks

I don't know what's happening. I don't know what I'm doing. Better not be some fucked up shit. I'm just going to keep moving but motherfuckers are being weird. (-_-)

I'm always honest with her except for one thing.

One fucking thing and I'm afraid if I tell her she'll leave me. If she leaves me I can't fucking deal with that, I'd end up like before. I'm so afraid...

>>17182957
Who?

I need to stop following politics. I've been becoming right wing in a liberal state and I've just been getting angry at everything since I started following it. I just want to be happy and not have such a short fuse that fucking politics gave me.

I saw someone jump off a bridge yesterday. I can't get the noise he made when he crumpled on the ground out of my head.
It was at a park and ride, and I parked right under the bridge. I was on my way to my car to head home when I heard a squishy thud noise, followed by the most horrifying screaming. I looked over by my car, and there was a body in front of my car. By the time I got over there, a guy was already calling police/medics. I didn't know what to do, and when I looked at him I started feeling sick since I don't deal with real life gore well. He lived, but I feel like I could've done more things to help, and I feel horrible since I did nothing. I've only told two people about this: my friend I talk to daily, and my manager. I haven't seen anything like this before, and I don't know how to get back to normal. I've felt sick ever since I heard him jump, and I can't hide this forever.

I'm going insane. My fuckin sister is almost 20 and acts like the most immature bitch ever. She puts her personal life on Twitter all the fuckin time and "subtweets me" all the fuckin time when she gets mad at some shit. Just now she got yelled at by my mom for some dumb shit like losing my moms charger, and keep in mind she's almost 20 in like 2 weeks, SHe stars stomping her feet and plays the victim card and all this shit. I want to slap some fuckin sense to her but she doesn't listen. NEEEVEE listens. She's like a 13 year old, always playing the victim card. On Twitter she blames me for this shit "oh my god I don't want to go on the trip with you anymore" "I wish I didn't live with you"
Holy FUCK. AAAAH IM GONNA FUCKIN SCREAM
I HATE THIS SHIT

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Despite being a well-dressed, attractive young man (18), I have never been in a relationship before. I suffer from gender dysphoria and clinical depression and feel so discontent with life.

I'm currently thinking of various methods of suicide and will most likely die a virgin.

>>17184476
I would like to mention that I stopped talking to her few years ago because of how immature she was. She kicked my door and made a hole in it because I was using my computer. She starts screaming like a fuckin dying pig, I try to calm her down but no she keeps fuckin yelling, so I leave the house. Looking back at that, that was fuckin terrible. I wanted to sock her in the face for how immature she is. Years later, she's pretty much the same immature bitch. Screaming and yelling, absolutely no self control or will to listen.
She blames me for EVERYTHING, but I'm the mature one. Everything jus HAS to be about her. There is not o e point where it wasn't. There was a time last year where my friends wanted us talking to each other again, but all of a sudden, SHE STARTS SHIT TALKING ME. SERIOUSLY? THEN SHE GOES OMG NO ONE UNSERSTANDS ME, YOURE ALL ON HIS SIDE, when that was NOT the case. SHES SO IMMATURE WHY WONT SHE GROW UP

>>17184478 Holy Fucking Shit Man is like your describing my life, except I have to work and fucking hate my coworkers so much that I legit want to kill them before commit suicide

>>17184494
On Twitter, she always complains about getting in trouble when ITS ALWAYS HER FAULT, then she talks shit about my mom, BUT IT WAS HER FAULT. She makes it seem one sided ALL THE TIME. I can't even show my face around her friends anymore because of how disillusioned they maybe from my sisters lies and rants. It's unbelievable. ITS THE FUCKIN VICTIM CARD

I'm depressed, my bank account's in the red, I missed my brother's birthday, I haven't been home in over a week because I'm afraid to tell my mom that I've actually been unemployed for months, and I'm pretty sure my mom hates me. I'll never amount to anything, but worse than that, I'm a shitty excuse for a son.

>>17184502
This is how I felt, friendo. I managed to overcome this feeling by finding something or somewhere I want to be. I have a goal for the next few years that's basically my only drive that keeps me going every day. I with through an existential crisis for two weeks until I found my purpose, my goal. I believe in you, anon.

>>17184497
Sucks, doesn't it? Lucky enough to be given a good face and body, yet unlucky enough to be cursed with gender dysphoria and the depression that usually comes with it.

I have been trying to repress it, but it's fruitless and is completely obliterating my sanity.

>>17184513
I'm just gonna have my friend take me to a crisis unit tomorrow so I can get back on medication, hopefully I can get an adderall prescription but I'll settle for prozac. My mom offered to pick me up and take me but I'm a giant pussy who can't tell her that I've been screwing my life up.

>>17184524
I take Wellbutrin for depression, and adderal occasionally for my ADD. I've been meditating though so I don't have to rely on it, and it actually helps make ADD more manageable and makes you feel better. Why don't you try to make it a goal to try and make your mom proud? That's one I have for my family. Where are you from?

>>17182937
I agree with a lot of what radical Islam has to say. More power to em'!

>>17183060
I know that it's not easy but reach out to somebody, anybody can help you even a little bit, even that I know that my parents don't like me they knew that the therapy sessions are cheaper than the funeral just look for help before, because even if isn't worth living is worth try it

>>17184520 I have tried to make new friends because I'm not shy and attractive so is really easy, but ultimately it got me so tired, I feel like everyone is so stupid and nobody understand me and it just get me so frustrated.
I just wanna be someone else.
Tfw you know your life is not the worse but it fucking sucks in his own weird way

>>17184536
I've thought about taking up meditation, but I haven't really found anything definitive on how to meditate, it seems like everyone does it differently. Also my ADHD makes it difficult to sit still for a long period of time. I'm from Houston, and yourself?

Going on my second week of straight insomnia.

Had to drug myself the other night just to get one good REM cycle. Felt good for a little bit the next day, but today feel like shit. I don't want to take more sleeping pills....

>>17184584
Not that anon, but have you tried Alan Watts intro to meditation?

>>17184602
No but I just googled him and he has some guided meditations that I should likely check out.

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i hate my life and just about everyone in it

everyone's a fraud and im fucking tired of it.

tired of putting on a happy face, tired of pretending i care about their bullshit, tired of trying to fit in

people act like this experience we call life isn't absurd. they just walk around looking for the next shiny thing put in front of them. and i hate it. i hate it all. WHY DOES ANY OF THIS EVEN EXIST? does anyone care? has anyone considered that maybe this all ISN'T something we should take for granted and just assume matters

fuck. im tired of it all.

>>17184617
I like listening to him on YouTube, his voice kind of adds to it, makes it easier to focus for me.

>>17183054
i know that feel. if suicide was a button i'd already be dead.

>>17184634
Go for a walk and listen to some music man, no ones forcing you to play the society game.

Step back from it for a minute and let your mind breathe.

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Why can't I get over you? It's been 1 month and a bit since you broke the illusion I was lovingly enveloped in.

I've done whatever I've wanted to do to forget you but it won't work. You're constantly on my thoughts. Fucks sake anything I do I think of you. Making a sandwich, showering.

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>>17184642
>no ones forcing you to play the society game

need job for money n shit, im stuck in retail hell right now

i have a degree (stem) but so far its been worth less than toilet paper because i didnt intern or any of that shit

i dont want to network with assholes, i don't want to interact with the public anymore, i don't want to suck up to people in interviews just to become a fucking slave

i hate this world, its not for me

I know you lied, and I don't know why you even bothered. I wish I hadn't forced myself to open up to you.

But you. I like you. You make me feel safe.

you love me, but you don't want to talk anymore. Why not? It doesn't make sense. Every second was worth it, if we can be happy again.

I don't know how I'm still alive

>>17184260
What is is?

It took me years to deal with and come to terms with what happened to me, and the fact that it was actually an awful thing and that it wasn't my fault. I haven't really ever actually come to terms with it though, and I struggle with it every single day.
I wonder how long it'll take me this time.

>>17184453
Same here. Right-wingbro in a socialist country, Portugal. Worst thing is that my concept of right-wing is classical liberalism/capitalist libertarianism. I'm a "savage capitalist" as we are called here.

So she saw me, a while ago, she told me to speak out about my issues. I threw it all on her. She comforted me.

Now she shows that she does have issues too, I try to help back, she appreciates it but doesn't tell a thing.

It hurts so much that I can't express it into words. I want to scream, cry, howl, rip out my hair, claw at my face... Life isn't supposed to be like this. It's all so hideous and miserable. From the very first day.

Most of the time, I feel like I've dealt with problems and awful things that happened to me, then I remember angry flashes, and feel insecure but I've had a long time to think about it, since suppressing it for a long time didn't help

My depression has really started to hit me hard.
I don't want to kill myself or anything, I just want to up and start over with life. Maybe in a new place or something.

But that would be a bad idea.

My best friends and me are aware that my boyfriend is incredibly abusive but he's one of those intricately manipulative types that has all his friends on the end of his words who he's convinced that he's perfectly good and it's in my head.

I want to break up and be rid of him but I want to take precautions before his friends harass me or he tries the same shit on my friends. Should I gather evidence of his abuse just in case this happens? He's already tried to convince my work manager that I'm crazy. His ex is also very aware, hence why she left.

He will blame every person he can but himself and clearly isn't going to change despite being twenty-six. How can I do this? I'm so sick of him spinning lies and trying to make himself out to be the victim when I'm the one hes forced himself upon and treated so horribly.

>>17184824
Age.

I had mind blowing sex. Fuck yes.

ffs i tried so hard to get through to this semester and i can't believe i am failing again. i already failed 8 major units last year. I can't believe that I might say goodbye to college even though i still have one more year left until graduation.

why is it so hard to get eaten up by stress and pressure? I am trying my best. I really am. But this pent up stress just leaves me having doing nothing. I want to be better. But I can't do anything to make it happen.

how do i get out of this labyrinth of suffering?

I worked up every bit of balls I had to finally see a doctor

2 months later and I still haven't heard back

I'm spending my bday alone for the first time in my life I think and hey it sucks big fucking surprise.

It's still one month away but I kept being asked "so what you doing for your bday?" and I tell everybody I don't know yet but I know I'm spending it alone.

Last year was the end of the line. I decided to suck it up and let my family organize a day with me. Big fucking mistake. Worst birthday ever. Turns out everyone came just as an excuse/opportunity to get drunk. Nobody pretty much talked to me. Some weren't even sure why they were there. I sat in a corner all day. And if I did try to get into a conversation and/or sit at the table with people I would be cut off, ignored, mocked, and when I laughed I was even told I laugh like a stupid donkey and to shut the fuck up.

When it was time to cut the cake I was trying to decide how to cut it but I guess it was too long for my sister because she immediately slapped the knife off my hand and started yelling at me that I'm retarded and a drag. As soon as I opened mouth to stand up for myself everyone started ranting on "come on it's your birthday everybody was happy here don't ruin it now". I cut the cake, left, and my sister started mocking me loudly. My mother started complaining how much her life sucks because I only make trouble.

(cont)

>>17185563
(cont)
(My sister is a grown adult by the way, much older than me, not a little sister.)

It hurts so much. I still remember barely being able to sleep as a kid so excited and I'd wake up early morning to throw a huge party and maybe go to the beach but over the years it just started degrading until it came to this point.

I have an internship coming up so I guess I'll ask them if I can do extra hours that day and spend the whole day there. I don't have money to go out and celebrate alone, I really don't. Most people suggest going out, treating yourself, being alone can br awesome etc etc but I really don't have the money nor energy and walking alone and eating alone in the middle of crowds of happy people better than me, it really hurts. I do like spending a lot of time alone, I'm an introvert, but sometimes even I need some good presence there for me. Doesn't even need to be a huge group/party, just someone there with me.

I guess I could ask my father (parents are divorced) but I already know the colossal backlash I'm gonna get from my maternal family and I'm scarrd that I'll bother him and maybe even frustrate him because he'll be worried. He has heart problems/health problems (had a heart attack 5 days before my bday last year) and he hides a lot of his suffering.

I don't have friends either, virtual or physical.

It simply dawned on me and it honestly makes me cry that my life has gotten to this point. It never was really good the past 5-6 years but now it's really rock bottom.

>>17184453
I am kinda similar to that. Except I'm quite far left on a typical liberal state. Other wise the rest is true. I just want to keep my mind of politics, but seeing all the shit going on angers me tremendously. The corruption, govt handouts to corporations. All that shit.

>>17183977
Not that one, but I'm 20 and still haven't had my first kiss.

Jesus Christ how horrifying.

JESUS CHRIST HOW ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING.

I think about suicide all the time but I'm scared of physical pain

>>17185842
I get those thoughts too, but I'm more afraid of failing and ending up with brain damage.

I feel a lot of warmth and happiness when I think of her right now. Even though I miss her, even though I can't have her. I feel nothing but positivity right now.

But if I think of it, if I think of how I only feel like this about her because she's my first, and how the situation turned out so unfortunately, I feel bad. When I think of how my first, whom I chose, turned out to be a shitty person, I feel worse.

But deep down, I know she's not a shitty person. She just has some growing up to do.

I wake up at 5.50
I eat and get dressed
I run like hell to get to a bus
I ride the buss trying not to fall asleep
I try to disract myself
" Everything is fine "
I arrive first at my job
There are piles of paper everywhere
On my desk, under it around it
When there is no more space they put some on my chair
I start working.
I hear pen clicking fast
I go make some coffee
They drink and talk about their cats, gardens, dead aquaintances
I get back to work
It is never done
As soon as I get something done I hear my name
He says it in the most disgusting manner
His compliments are full of shit
Even more work
"Go to the bank on your break and bring me this thing signed"
I eat at the bank while waiting
Old people stare
"Fuck I have only 10 minutes left"
I come back
He stares at the clock and says in a sarcastic voice "well, thank you"
I continue my work
More rapid pen clicking
I make more coffee
They talk about gardening and horse shit
Boss is gone
They talk shit about him
Back to work
The radio plays the same fucking song for the 5th time that day
Put on hedphones
" why are you being so antisocial "
Continues to complain and talk shit about our customers
There is just one more hour left
Just 10 more minutes
He comes over
He talks non stop about some shit I don't care about
Great! Now I have to run to my bus


I don't like my job.

I realize I will have to break up with my gf in the next year because she's afraid of leaving her family and starting our own.

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I am sad and lonely, and I wish that I had someone to just cuddle and hug.
My family lives over 400 kilometers away, and I might see them once or twice a month, if I have the time to go visit them. The only relatives I have here are my aunt, and her family, but I am no longer welcome to visit them.
I got no real friends here where I live now, outside of the girl that I got a crush on, who is moving away soon. Outside of her, I got nobody here. I haven't even managed to work up the courage to tell her that I like her.

I am so frigging alone.

Lol pathetic you're pruning and getting delusional enjoy your mid life crisis

My gramps died today and I'm sort of sad now and I'm afraid it's really going to hit me sometime soon
;_;

>>17185797
>>17185805
What is going on?

>>17186046
Is this daily? This sounds really bad if it's daily.

>>17186053
Why not stay and work on her until she's ready?

>>17186046
I know this is easy to say for someone who is not stuck in your shoes, but you should really stop giving a fuck. Take your breaks and the end of your work day seriously. Don't take your boss or your coworkers seriously. Learn to handle the banter. Make them respect you. There's always two sides to oppression. Don't be afraid that you'll be fired, it does not happen that quickly. And if it does, so what? That job seems shitty. Don't fall for the styrofoam carrot.

I eat that pussy like a watermelon

I think I love her. I already told her boyfriend that I love her. I don't know if he told her already.

Shit, my best friend is dating the girl I love, and I realised I loved her when I learned he was dating her.

God, it hurts. It hurts so bad.

>>17186124
I feel for you.

>>17186127
>>17186124 reporting. I had to get almost drunk in order to tell him. It was a few months ago, and we never spoke of it since.

I see them almost every day, since we study at the same uni. I see them together, I try not to watch them. It might hurt if I did.

Shit, I just remembered that we had a party a few days ago: I drove them back to his home this very night. Did they have sex that night? I don't know. I don't want to know.

I drink every night
I think about killing myself every day
I'm a 22 year old NEET virgin
I've never had a job
I have no education
I have a place to show up daily (a workplace for people with mental illnesses) but I don't even manage to get out of bed most days
I genuinly hate myself and the entire concept of existence

i think i have given up on life

its just i dont know what to do with myself, i dont have any meaning in my life. Everywhere i go and the people i talk to, they are just sheeps. All i can think about is that they dont think of the world we live in the same way i do. All they think about is their daily routine and maybe some gossip and thats it, every fucking day. Im stuck searching for a bigger meaning with life and i cant find any.
What do i do?

i just sit and think about what to do with my life, i have no clue, no hobbies and nothing interests me anymore

i used to play video games but realised it was just an escape i dont even enjoy it anymore so i stopped that too

>>17186183
Become an e/lit/ist and read books to realize that everything you do in life is fruitless endeavor.

My family, except my mother, has given up on me because they do everything for me and I don't do anything in return. Constantly reminded by my mother to show love and care, but how do I show something that when I don't even know what it feels like. Going to college, but I feel like a train destined to crash and burn.

>>17186189
any suggestions`?

>>17186263

Start reading Albert Camus' works. It'll help you realize our world is absurd, but it'll also teach you to be happy about (or because of) it.

>>17186263
>>17186271
Arthur Schopenhauer too

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I just want to talk to him
I just want to hold his hands
I just want to cuddle with him
I just want to kiss him
I just want to tell him that i love him
I just want him to tell me that he love me

That's all i want

>>17186480
ayy bby im always here 4 u

But if you're a faggot, then fuck off homo.

>>17186492
>fuck off homo.
Why you have to hurt my feeling like this sempai?

I miss my friend but he has anger problems and sometimes I don't know why I want to be his friend. The fight we had he blamed me and I just sucked it up.

>>17186499
O-oh shit, I didn't realize you actually were homosexual. Just bantering around like the asshole I am. I am sorry, anon. I just want a gf desu.

>>17186505
it ok anon-sama i know it's banter, don't worry.

I hope you get gf soon desu~

I miss you so fucking much Kyla. I can't wait to recover from this back surgery and get back to work so I can have a chance to see you and talk to you again. I cant wait to see your smile and hear your voice again...

John

>>17186480
I just want to talk to her
I just want to hold her hands
I just want to cuddle with her
I just want to kiss her
I just want to tell her that i love her
I just want her to tell me that she love me

That's all i want

>>17186538
this tbhfam

>>17185375
by how much, and why?

Maybe her "friend" was rejected by her, and he then tried to keep us apart. "If I can't have her, no one can"

Alot of stuff she did signals some interest, but still always "busy" when I try to do something. We agreed to do something soon..


Fuck it. I'm gonna text her to ask her out explicitly as a Date. But I need to word it a certain way.

>>17186183
life is short, time goes by very fast. It is absurd, I rationalised it by thinking of life as a collective experience. We are all constantly adding to the pool of knowledge. Enjoy it, or at least try and contribute something other than hate and pity. Create, explore and love.

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I'm angry at my friend and my girlfriend for always asking me to do shit for them and when I get defensive about feeling used, they flip shit at me.

Fuck them, all I asked was to be respected back.

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>>17186480
>>17186499
>>17186505
>tfw i'm staring at a text from this cool, shy gay guy confessing his massive crush on me and don't know how to respond
The funny thing is, this is the first time anyone's expressed any interest in me.
Makes me wish i was gay too. I like girls for nothing, they don't feel the same about me.

I feel as though I'm nearing the breaking point.
Every aspect of my life is fucked up, in one way or another.
Starting with myself. Ground up. I'm a shitty person. I won't make excuses, because ultimately, reasons don't matter. A cunt is a cunt. I seem to have lost the capability to feel empathy at some point. I'm filled with envy toward anyone living a happy life. I avoid people just because of it all.
I hate myself. Not just because of what I've mentioned, but because my body is a broken piece of shit. I've an assortment of disabilities and illnesses so long it'd take a separate post to even list them all - many of which simply can't be fixed, and are a constant source of problems.
I have no interests. Nothing seems to hold my attention for longer than a month or two.
My family... well, they're not on very good terms with me, with the exception of my mother. Likely the only reason I haven't done myself in already is to avoid causing her all the pain.
My social life? Non-existent. As I've said, I avoid people. The envy is just a part of it, though. I've never been able to deal with them well. I manage just well enough to avoid embarrassing myself in basic interactions, but anything more and it's readily apparent that I put people off. I can't blame them, really.
Naturally, relationships aren't a thing. I've never even been particularly interested in anyone until like two years ago, when looking at literally everyone else I knew having meaningful relationships - sometimes with kids already - made me realize I want someone too. And yet, I have no interest in the sexual side of it all. Not that I could do jack, given my body.

I've been advised to see a shrink a few times, but there's no way. It's not even lack of faith in their ability to help - there is that, of course, but no. The problem is that they could help... with drugs. And I'm not fucking myself up even harder. Either I live without a crutch, or I end it in a year or two. No third option.

My ex girl cheated on me, I threw away the next girl for girl #3, but girl #3 friend zoned me and my only friend is siding with her saying that I tried to force a relationship even though she led me on. I'm sitting here in my room hoping to figure out a way to easily kill myself (came to 4chan for that advice actually) but my Christianity keeps making me think I'll spend eternity in hell if I do that. My friend then proceeded to ghost me all day even though we had plans to practice for a smash tournament Sunday, and I went home to try to play wow with a guy who I've been enjoying playing with only for him to log off once I said hi, relog a few hours later, and then log off again. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel so unloved and the only answer I can come up with is that I'm insufficient as a human and deserve to die because my genetics are not strong enough to deal with my problems and I shouldn't reproduce as natural selection would do.

i'm really needy and i really miss you but i don't want to say anything because you have too much other shit to stress about. but i hate knowing that you exist and i can hardly ever see you, and you hardly talk to me anymore so i feel neglected and that you lost interest in me. fuck

It's become obvious that I'm going to suffer for the rest of my life. I can't take this daily torture. It's become more than I can handle.

I've decided that it's best if I just quit. There is no reward for trying and the adage that we learn through failure is just something we say to ourselves to make us feel better.

I've considered my options and the best way, by causing the least harm through other people, is to die a slow peaceful death. I can't help my nature of being talkative and needing to connect with others. I can't just self harm or commit suicide because it would just cause conflict toward others. That's not how I want to be remembered.

I'm going to enter a pattern of drug abuse. I'll keep it discrete but I just want to not feel tortured. I've wanted to try opiates and harder amphetamines and now I can fall back to them.

It gives me an odd peace that I will finally have some relief. I'm resourceful and experienced enough that I won't have to worry too much. I just can't feel this way for any longer.

I feel like society would be better off anyways. I always felt like an outsider being a part of an underrepresented and quiet minority. It brings me solace knowing I can finally find peace

i'm so excited to see you in the morning
i'm not going to wear panties under my dress because i don't know if i can resist having sex with you before the ceremony
mm

Why does no girl look at me or find interest in me?

I'm told that i'm gorgeous and unapproachable but I can never see what they see and I call bullshit. I just want a girl to be into me.

>>17187202
maybe you're intimidating

>>17187202
If you're really that good looking then just walk up to one and talk. Walk up to any one, preferably one you're not interested in. Just start talking, see how she responds and it'll give you confidence. Then you'll be able to grow until you can talk to anyone with ease.

phew.. Just got through 360 GRE words in the magoosh app. That's the whole advanced section (advanced 1-8)

EAR,

Say something, anything, with my name, if you want me to stay. If there is any hope...

If not, I'm done with this thread.

Please, prove me wrong...

I cannot do this anymore. Please, prove me wrong.

- R

I don't know why, but I think I'm about to make a terrible mistake by asking her out on a date.

(Invited her to do something already, but Busy with her Bro's graduation. We agreed to hang out soon though. But nothing was scheduled by either of us)


It could be that shes waiting for something that is without a doubt asking her on a date?

I love my parents & family in general, and I love my friends dearly too, but the only thing keeping me from baking a belladonna pie and eating it by myself are my cats. I know my parents would take care of them but I don't want to risk hurting them anyway. Once my cats pass away (and by the time my parents will be dead too most likely), I will fucking do it withour a second thought.

I'm so fucking pissed off right now. I hate that I don't make enough money to afford rent in my area. An apartment in a decent part of town would cost me half of my paycheck every month. but I'm so fucking sick of being stuck here with my parents. My dad acts like I want to keep living here and resents me but I don't wanna fucking BE HERE, ALRIGHT?!

i can't stand it because ever since he got married suddenly it's like my sister and I weren't even important to him anymore. it was all about her and suddenly we're such a fucking burden to him. Over 10 years of his bullshit and anger and resentment. I can't even count how many times he's said shit to us like, "well I don't give a FUCK about you. you can pack your shit and get out." like we were the worst children ever. but actually we're both probably the least problematic daughters he could've ever had despite all the shit our parents put us through. Does it matter to dad that we were constantly praised by others about our grades, work ethic, general disposition, etc? Does it matter that I got my Master's and have a full time job, or that my sister is getting married and will be completing her nursing degree? lmao fuck no.

I feel like I'm trapped. I just want to run away from everything and never come back. I don't even care about my family. I wouldn't be sad if I never saw them again, to be honest.

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I talk to her...I play it cool. I have to "play" it cool even though I know I'm naturally in a higher position than her
...but I ruined that dynamic, so now I have to make her see it again.

Even though it's working, I have to keep it up. I have to keep up the facade and not let her know that I'm actually shaking.
Because I know how easily this can fall apart and I'm actually in the worse position. I've watched it crumble so many fucking times.

I have to keep making her wonder, curious, interested and keep attracting her to me. I have to make myself seem valuable to her.
Like a trophy or a challenge to overcome. Something worthwhile. Something she wants to have.
Something she needs that will make her feel like she accomplished something, make her feel good, like I add value to her life. Just like it was back then.

When we first met, I didn't have to work for anything. I didn't present her a challenge either because when she gave herself to me, I said "that's it" when in fact, it wasn't.
Not at all. I fucked it all up by assuming she was mature and knew what she wanted, but it became boring and she lost interest. Instead I need to play games to keep her interested. To keep the "spark" there. If it's not there, there is no us.

Now I'm here. Lucky to be here, but talking to her like when we first met. Trying to court her all over again. Playing games. Pretending. But this time, we have a ton of history behind us.

>>17187366
I realize how stupid this is. How much of a waste of time it is. How I should move on. How incredibly shallow and manipulative this is. How I should find someone who suits me better. How she's clearly not ready for a relationship and really immature. But I can't help it. She's my first, and I'm insistent and stubborn. I (think) I know what to do to make it work. I know what I have to do and I'm doing it. I have to have this. I have to have it turn out well for me. I don't want it to end in such an tremendously unsatisfying way. I can't live with that, no. I need to be able to get what I want out of this relationship. I want to exhaust what we have together so I can finally be done with it and move on happily without anything tugging at me. How long will that before it happens? Possibly years. I don't care. I'm here for the ride. I'm going to keep going until I'm happy with what happened. Until I get my fucking life back.

I really hate the suggestion that I have aspergers. It's fucking annoying. My mom thinks I have it and my dad seems like he is coming around to the idea. He said I don't have empathy for people. But I think that's a load of bullshit. I'm a bit of an asshole to my dad but it's not a lack of empathy. And my mom thinks I have aspergers because I've always been a loner. True, but I've been a loner because of extremely low confidence and self esteem. I've also been miserable during the years when I was supposed to break out of my shell but never did. Maybe my social skills aren't the best but it's not aspergers. No way. I've looked at the symptoms and they don't really fit me. I actually would say I am very good at understanding other people's emotions.

I wouldn't be surprised if other people think I have a lack of empathy or something. I know when people are joking or sarcastic but I guess people don't realize that. I used to laugh a lot but I decided one day I was laughing too often compared to others and decided to suppress laughing. Now I'm scared to laugh basically. Don't smile a lot either. So people think I don't understand their humor or sarcasm, a common trait of aspies.

I'm just a miserable person. Why can't people understand that, especially my parents?

>>17187381
I don't know...I just want to be able to look back at my first relationship as a success. Something happy and nice to think back on. I've been like that my whole life. Ridiculously invested and hard working for the first of anything. Everything. Everything else could be a dud, but the first HAS to be a success. I don't know why. I think because the first is always special and exclusive. It's like its own thing.

I have Autism. (real autism not the 4chan hurr durr autism. Used to be called Asperger's but got lumped into the spectrum, I believe.) I feel disconnected from all of the relationship partners I've had, because I don't feel as though I make myself understood when I talk about my innermost desires and emotions, my inner trials and tribulations. I really dislike it when I'll say things and only get a one-word-reply of "Why?". And I hate that I always end up falling in love with people who can't think creatively or sentimentally, only logically. When I talk, they can't follow it because I don't necessarily put everything into strict logical format and they get lost, so they just ask "Why?" over and over again.

I need someone who can see the sheep inside of the box.

I've got that feeling again...
Wanting to cut my wrists open. Too bad I'm too much of coward to do it.

I remember in high school I really hit it if with two girls (both happened to be close friends with each other)

1 I spoke to for 40 min straight in gym class bout shit. Then after that, u think she developed a crush on me. She would tease me like a teen would do if they like someone. Oddly enough, I developed feelings as well for her during that same time, but I never acted on them.

Around the sameish time, I started talking to another girl. I don't remember how we started to talk!, but by the end of it it was like she was my closest friend. She slipped me her number as well, and would call me every morning on Skype. Up to until her father thought I was crazy and had her to stop talking to me. This girl ended up dating my best friend for a year or so from early 12th to like early freshman year in college. I don't talk to her much anymore other than when I need advice.


And now here I am at 20 still a kiss less Virgin who's never had a gf

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>>17186183
I feel this

>>17187444
Fucking typos. I hate typing on my tablet at times

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>>17182937
Being an Asian girl who lives a life surrounded by white people, I can't helo but get insecure about my attractiveness. I feel like all the guys I think are attractive think I look shitty compared to white girls.

I think Asian chicks are pretty and I'm a white guy, honestly most "pretty" white girls seem kind fake to me

I think there's something wrong with me. The problem is I don't know what it truly is, and even then I won't know how to attempt to fix it.

When I talk to some of my friends, I feel like I'm talking to myself, but enjoy having an audience to hear my ramblings.

I still care about you, but I just don't think I'm in love anymore. We're both still young and could find much better suited people for each other. I'm constantly looking at and thinking about other girls and I feel like a piece of shit for doing so. I want you to be happy, but I don't want to be chained to you anymore. The emotional baggage is too much to carry.

I'm just afraid of what you might do to yourself if I left you.

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The problem that worries and frustrates me the most is that I don't know what to study. I don't have dreams like other people or want to be an office worker, so I don't know what to do. I've changed careers once because of how bad I was at the subjects I had to take.

I don't know what to do, nor what I like. Right now I just want to know what should I study or do.

One up knows me too well 0-0

>>17187463
White guys are grossly obsessed with asian girls. You're lucky. You basically trump 95% of white girls just for being a slant eye

What now?

I have a trip starting June 6th. It will last about 8 weeks. I am nervous as hell and having second thoughts about going. I have all the gear, maps, etc. so I am too far in to back out now.

I want nothing more than to see someone I once considered a very close friend before I leave. I miss him a lot.

I am taking my trip and I have not bought a return ticket. I don't think I will be coming back. I just want to reconnect with my friend. I want a reason to come back. It just does not seem like I will get the miracle I pray for.

If I don't get the mini miracle I pray for (reconnecting with my old friend), I hope that he reaches out while I am gone (he has many times in the past). Even though I do not intend to return. He is worth coming back for.

>>17187020

I am a fellow homo and this is all I want with the one I once considered a very close friend.
>>17186480

I'm considering dropping out of college after 4 years and joining the military just to fulfill a sense of self-worth.

I like to create a "body" out of pillows and blankets. This way at least I have something to cuddle and hold on to while I sleep.
>I'm so lonely.

>>17187742
Anyone else?

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>>17182937
I have really bad nervous ticks and I'm going to kill myslef by next January, the latest.

This is literally how I smile; I shit you not, I've been told several times that my smile doesn't seem genuine.

>>17182937
Can someone give some input on this?
So I've been with the same person for 8 years since I was in high school. I live with them and a few months ago I found out they cheated on me with a friend of ours. This person also has no job and mooches money off of me constantly. We worked things out but recently I've had someone I really feel attracted to showing interest in me. But I'm scared to end my current relationship because I am insecure and don't know if things would work out with the other person. I honestly feel like shit for liking another person so much even though I was cheated on. Not sure what to do?

I'm a 26 year old virgin and I'm starting to have sexual thoughts about one of my oldest and most valued friends (a girl).

I'm getting very concerned. I experienced strong lust for a friend as a teenager and it did not end well. I would like to avoid going down that path again.

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I've had pretty major anxiety and depression due to a lot of shit over the last 9 months. But something has changed over the past few weeks, even more so the last few days.

I feel like I don't really care about that kind of shit anymore. It's like I'm just so fed up with always worrying about everything and being depressed, that something has just started to click inside my subconscious. Something telling me to stop giving a fuck before it chips at my sanity any longer. It feels nice and I think a lot of it has to do with an old friend I've reconnected with and gotten relatively close with recently.

However, it feels like it's been causing my personality and views on things to change to a large degree. I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing though. I feel like I'm slowly opening up to and becoming something I always despised. I wonder whether it will end here or if I'll grow to care even less until I simply no longer care what I've become.

>>17182937
Why do I always want what I can't have and don't want what I could get. This is fucking with me

Why am I always so fucking horny all the time when I'm on my goddamn period?!

>>17188125
If you're hot iwould still fuck you. But in the shower (shower sex good workout)

>>17188125
Because your body wants to procreate, obviously

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One week left until graduation with a degree that is not leading to anything and catching myself having suicidal thoughts on a daily basis. Used to do self-harm 7 years ago, but has been pretty chill since then because I found a purpose but now I feel it's getting cloudier and I just feel an overwhelming sense of lost hope.I don't want to have suicidal thoughts because I know how fast it can spiral from there but at the same time I can't help but to think how wonderful it would be to not be alive and not have to care so much.

>>17184666
I know those feels mate, its like they are apart of everything you do. Every where you look there she is.

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>>17182937
18 kissless virgin who is a 4 on a great day. All my friends are 7-8s who i've known since childhood and have constant relationships, they assume i've had sex and i never corrected them.
I sleep on my friends couch since i cant live with my mom and hate it but its all i have.
I have some $400 to my name, no job, no highschool degree, no car/license,no skills and im waiting for my mother to pass so i can kill myself since she wouldnt be able to bear me doing it if she was still here.
I think about this every night before i go to bed.

I really hope I can keep the one friend I have as I start going through some major changes in my life

and I hope I come out ok

>>17187364
run away with me bby
we'll get a house in florida

>>17188128
I love shower sex tbqh, except I'm really short so it makes it kinda awkward, especially if the guy is tall lol

>>17188131
But it's not fair when I'm on my period, not fair at all

>>17187473
>honestly most "pretty" white girls seem kind fake to me

This so much.

Went to mostly white schools, so I think I experienced white girls at "peak" bitchiness during their teens and it has just put me off completely.

Seriously, I'd never trust a white girl. Ever.
Even when their older and seemingly more mature, I honestly just assume that they've leaned to be a bitch subtly.

Though, appearance-wise, I'm not really into asians either. I like black/mixed/Indian girls more.

>>17182937
There's a guy who works near me that I've never spoken to..but I have a huge crush on him. I've spent months wanting to speak to him but I'm too scared to start a conversation. He always stares at me and he'll wave, that probably means nothing though. I think he's married and that sucks. I'm too obsessed.

>>17188237
Go for it. Just do some small talk

>>17188209
Haha know the feeling I'm pretty tall so its great leg workout for me and if the girl is soaped up and you fuck her from behind the soul flys from her ass crack in the air it's so awsome

>>17188188
Dude this is sad. Start do some shit find a job as a sou chef or somthing, the world is for you to take but you have to start doing somthing. I know it's hard. I also have no degree and I was homeless for a vieuw years. Skills and succes are hard earnd shit but it will come if you just keep pushing it

>Be me.
>Best friend with this girl I've known since elementary.
>Also friend with a guy name John.
>All three of us are close and grew up together as friends.
>Practically inseparable.
>Ended up going to the same University together.
>Despite being together never thought of my best friend romantically.
>Always felt like she was a sister to me.
>Chill together at my apartment one night.
>John is drinking a little to much and ends up persuading my best friend to take off her clothes.
>She does it.
> One thing led to another and we're all naked.
>Ended up having a threesome.
>First time having sex, so I'm losing my virginity to my best friend.
>Finish and tired so we all pass out.
>Wake up to realize what just happened.
>Weird as fuck but we laugh it off.
>Even though we're friends, all three of us agree to form a mutual friend with benefits type of pack.
>See nothing wrong with this idea.
>All of us are single and have sexual needs.
>Continue our friendship normally with the occasional sleeping together every now and then.
>Winter comes.
>John has to leave and go work in another city for the semester.
>I assume the threesome is over and that the sex was going to stop.
>Best friend calls me and asks me to come over to hang out with her.
>Go over expecting to watch a movie or something.
>She's naked and wants to have sex.
>Wondering why since John is gone.
>She says why not? We can just continue with the both of us.
>I can't argue with that.
>Continue the FWB thing with her.
>With John gone, I start to hang out with her a lot more.
>Not just sex but also doing regular stuff.
>Start to develop feelings for her.
>Tell her how I feel and she's okay with it.
>She tells me she use to had a crush on me.
>Take her on multiple dates.
>We're a couple now.
>John is back. We haven't told him yet that we are dating.
>He's been asking us when we can hang together. He's been looking forward to our usual threesome.

I don't know what to do. Should we tell him or continue?

Wrote a ton and then deleted it. I feel relieved.

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>>17188271
im shit at cooking anything that isnt an egg or microwaveable. i make the same sad turkey sandwich every day for myself and still manage to gain weight. I quite literally apply for 10+ jobs a week and havent got a single response back after 8 months. Im severely limited due to where i live and not having a mode of transportation. No one wants to hire a kid with 0 experience and no diploma. I also have severe depression(like everyone else) but the actual depression part doesn't really affect me due to my outlook on the world, instead I have 0 motivation. Simple shit like watching TV, reading, browsing the internet, playing video games, listening to music, fuck even sleeping is to much effort so i just lay down all day waiting for the next day so i can be one step closer.

>>17188285
Sucks man sounds like you are deep in your own shit. You have to seek succes even if it's something little. Maybe some construction work or plumping?
>i have 0 motivation
How about not beeing a totaal shit as a motivation?? No offence but that's where you right now don't you? Get your fucking ass up and collect empty beer bottles to get some cash or anything. You won't find a way by doing nothing. And if this does not work you still killed some time till you can kill your self ( I don't hope it will come so far)

So
>be me
>broke, unemployed
>had breakdown last year
>still depressed
>slowly working through it
>have chance to fix life in 3 weeks
>getting money.
>not much, like 50-80 k
>is more than enough for me
>family trying to steal it
>family trying to mooch it
>friends trying to mooch it
>partner left me because of it
>lost friends over it.
>can't get a definitive date on when
>can't line up new house without date
>have to spend a week with no place
>no money either
I don't even know if I care anymore. I don't even have the fucking money yet and there's so much bullshit.
And of course no matter what everyone makes me our to be a bad guy. Fuck this.

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>>17188311
Try that on a near daily basis but it doesnt work. Essentially
>realize im a shit
>make a plan to get my shit together
>start the plan
>nothing happens
>continue my normal no activity life
>forget about everything i should be doing/see it but dont care anymore
>next day passes
>forget it ever happened
>repeat some days later
honestly dont know why im posting right now, no offense but im not gonna take any advice since im already stuck in my own shit. Just wanted to vent even though it wont lift anything off my chest and hear what someone has to say even though i already know the answer and my response to it. It's already 5:30am and im only awake because sitting down is more comfortable cause i hurt my neck sleeping on this couch and i cant sleep without laying stretched out.
Probably am gonna kill myself eventually after my mom dies and all my friends leave me so i'm not a burden on anyones schedule, just a matter of waiting or seeing if i die first. I actually wish that i could get some lethal disease so i could have an excuse to be as miserable as i am and give some proper closure to the people near me if i die while im still apart of their lives.

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Now that the divorce is settled I want to give up. I'm really close to quitting my job, quitting everything and just letting myself rot away or just drink myself to death. I'm too tired to pick myself up again.

>>17188250
I've been trying, we even catch the same train home together, but I always back out last minute. I think it's just the paranoia of him being married/taken that's making me so apprehensive.
Thanks for the encouragement anon!

>>17188405
Does he has a ring on his ring finger?? Also just say somthing like hey nice to meet you I'm anon and I thought to say Hi bc we met so often and wanted to have little chat with you. To get the convo stay up ask him stuff like do you work there bc i see you there often, look for cloth you like on him and ask him where he got them or some shit xp its not that hard .And if he is taken who gives a fuck that bitch has to be scared of you ;) good luck lady

>>17188445
He does have a ring on his finger but the way he acts around me and other women suggests otherwise, so I'm confused. I think I will try to talk to him, I really have nothing to loose so I should just stop being so afraid!

Elizabeth is a fucking mindjob. First she was gaslighting me and then he was having her friends doing to me as well. And I would've collapsed had I not realized that this was all because she wanted to date me. What the fuck was she thinking?

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Accidentally sent a contact request on Skype to one of my teachers.
How fucked am I? Schools got an intense no contact with staff rule. I was only snooping for Skype profiles out of boredom.

How the fuck do I stop pressing the wrong buttons?

>>17188517
What's gaslighting?

>>17188574
>accidentally

You're literally the definition of a fuckboy, and I would know because every guy I've dated has been a fuckboy. Some more than others.
It's my problem because I'm still talking to you, and you still want me in your life.

I wish I could just throw my old self away, and start over fresh. I do not like the person I have become. I do not like the shitty habits I have, the lack of life experience, the failure anxiety. I don't like anything about myself, except my taste. In short, what I like about myself is my discerning nature in what I use in order to forget about how shit I am. Yay.

Is it really that hard? Deciding to go to bed one day, and get up the next morning as someone who is completely unlike how you were? Isn't that a decision I can just make? To reject everything I hate about myself, and endeavour to never be like that again?

Why is that so fucking hard? Why does my instinct prefer being a piece of shit?

>>17188669
Kinda sucks but look i could be that fuckboy so it could be wors

>>17188684
Baby steps anon you'll get there

....Happy birthday.
Good thing I got you a shitty little present awhile ago. I knew we wouldn't be on good terms for your birthday. I'm sure you knew that as well.

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I'm so tired of everything.

There's nothing I can really say. You guys are fucking rediculous. You think you understand but you don't. I know I don't understand that's why I wanted, needed help. But, I went to the wrong people just like always. I even saw that so I tried to ignore it and TRY to work on myself. You know be 'serious' which has fucked off far from me. But I never lost sight of reality I was just lost in all the possibilities most of what you put in my face and my ear. So...I don't know. The fake tables have turned. Not really though saw shit different day. Year. Life.

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committing suicide tomorrow. i've been through way too much shit for my age.
i hope everyone who actually treated me with kindness has a good life. or something. i could have worded this better.

Invasion of privacy and skewing of my words that you don't understand. Parts of my story you don't understand. But I see where to go now.

>>17182937
I have an innate urge to cum in odd places. Like the other day i came in a batch of cookies I made for my grandmothers church class. I sat there and watch all of those little kids eat my cum-cookies, they asked if i could make more.
Is this bad, should I continue on my cum-crusade or should i hang up the handkerchief?

I hope today goes well for me.

>Fuck everyone else

On an odd tip. I still have no clue what actually happened so I guess I can be happy about that. Ignorance is bliss.

>>17189101
What kind of shit?

Is it possible to have depression for pretty much all of your teenage years? I don't know what else would explain it

>>17189193
I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. I'm almost 21.

>>17189193
Yes.

>>17189225
I guess that's reassuring, at least in relation to the idea that life is just more shitty for me than for most people by default.

>>17187742
ME TOO!

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>>17189173
abused by psych ward staff and patients at 8 (shit like staff choking me, staff letting patients pee on me, overmedicating me for the hell of it etc), sexually assaulted by classmates on a daily basis between ages 10 - 15, whole family became homeless between 16 - 17. parent (still) beating my ass through all of this. theres more but i'd rather not write a novel here. life is fuckin' balls. i dont have the resources to move out or get a job.
i've got like 100 benadryls and other random meds saved up though. it's something.

>>17189268
fuck forgot to write i'm like 19 now so it doesnt look like im underaged trash

>>17189123
Are you being serious anon? If so then yes, continue on with your quest.

>>17188273
hahaahahahahaha that situation is so fucked

I can't tell if I'm toxic or if the people that are saying I'm a bad person that I think are the toxic ones actually are or not anymore. Or both.

I'm just trying to get through a day of work and not live in section 8 squalor.

i don't like my family. they have sort have always scapegoated me and kept me on the outside while trying to control my life. sorry but you can't have it both ways. in fact, you're not even entitled to the latter even if the former wasn't an issue for me.

fuck off.

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>>17189268
>>17189273
Well that's much worse than I imagined. You were in a psych ward at 8?

But please don't kill yourself anon, I ask that you keep moving forward

I've had depression since I was about 14 (22 now) I've also been alone since then too.

As I got older my suicidal thoughts and depressed lows come more frequently and stay longer and longer. I was planning on killing myself before I turn 28.

Then I met a girl. She likes me, but I love her. She was abused in the past and is trying to figure out her sexuality. She thinks she might be Aesexual. All of this is fine by me, because she makes me happier than I have been in a decade. But now instead of being depressed and suicidal I'm just empty. Because she's not sure if we will ever be together.

The thought of life without her is hell. I'd do anything and give anything to be with her, but the situation is so fucked up I don't know if it will work out.

Now I feel empty. I haven't done any of my usual shit in the past 4 days, like jerking it or playing videogames. I just don't feel happy anymore. But at the same time I don't feel sad.

I almost wish I had never met her.

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I'm a failure. I know it's going to go downhill from here. I'm not a professional, I'm a fraud. I'm not talented, I'm a liar. I just graduated from college and I have nothing to start with or go out into the world with except 1400 in savings and my childhood room at my mom's house that I've had all my life. I legit don't have much to offer anyone, including myself. I am now drowning in college debt over a paperweight degree that I dragged on to finish.

I wish I could get shot in the head.

I have bipolar disorder. Officially it's type II (primarily depressive) but I've had some hypomanic episodes (hypomania = mania lite) where I've had delusions. I've never done anything stupid like spend too much money or do too much drugs, but sometimes I can feel myself losing contact with reality a bit. It runs in my family and the people who have it are either perpetually angry or batshit crazy. I'm 20 now and they're in their 40s. I'm very scared that one day I'm going to go over the brink and never completely recover from it. So I've decided that if the medications can't make anything better, or if I start becoming like them, I'm going to commit suicide at 30. Nobody in my life knows about this.

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>>17189329
i really would like to keep moving forward but theres just so much happening and my past doesnt make it feel any better.
i just want some peace.
it feels a bit good to vent before i go through with my plan, at least.

>>17188233
There's this weird, sort of contrived assertiveness in some modern white women that is so try hard and a big turnoff for me. I feel like that by being in the workplace they're just shouting "look at me, look at me!" I think the ones that come from the middle and upper classes are disconnected from the primary function (historically) of work: a means to make a living. It's more of an exercise of their rights as oppose to a means to an end. Combine this with how they are generally treated a little more with a little less scrutiny and with more acceptance in the workplace and you have a serious "bubble" that kind or promotes them from really understanding the point of work (besides the single moms and those that come from the gutter of course).

Not to beat a dead horse but the whole victim routine is getting old as well. I get it. We didn't allow you to have equal rights. You have them. I understand there are still issues. Focus on the ones that are important as oppose to complaining about how men look at you funny. We're biologically designed to check you out and there is no legitimate law that says we can't do that. Meet us halfway.

>>17187332
Fuck it. I'm going to text her (Can't in person, no class till August)

"Hey, I want to take you out on a date. What day works for you?"


This way their can be no I'm busy answer. It is either Yes, and we arrange a date. Or No, and I stay as I am with her.

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>>17182937
I fucking hate my father. Fuck cancer patients and fuck any asshole that thinks they can abuse caregivers. Motherfucker I don't even get paid for this shit (nor do I want money because then I'll have to do a good job), your disease got dumped on me, and when I do exactly as you say you cop a fit making threats and whining. Bitch you are in no position to bully anyone around especially since you cannot even WALK. You gonna fucking die and you're gonna treat one of the few people on this planet that is supposed to remember you like shit? Fuck them, fuck all cancer patients except for the good ones that aren't assholes. This disease sucks but dragging innocent people into the mix is BULLSHIT.

>>17189338
Dude I can relate to the suicidal thoughts. Just today I fucking thew myself down the stairs but only halfheartedly because I part of me wants to live. Never attended college so I cannot give you any advice on that but still I think you should continue trying to survive. The possibility is slight but things are chance it's just fucking slow as all shit you feel like you wanna kill yourself.

>>17189453
The women I know who came from poor backgrounds don't complain as much or draw attention to themselves. The obnoxiousness seems to be a rich white person thing from my experience. But the poor women are just so damn happy to have a job.

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Ever since I was a kid I have loved scratch off tickets. Recently, I'll get 5 $1 tickets a month. So far I tally'd my winnings and I have netted $-1 lololool

Seriously, I love this shit. A few months back I had my best run. I bought $5 of tickets and won $16. Went back, bought 15 more $1 tickets and won $50. Went back again and bought $50 $1 tickets and won $10. Bought 5 more and won $5.

It killed an afternoon and cost me nothing. My grandma use to by us kids some cheap tickets every now and then and it reminds me of that time I lived on the farm.

Life was so much better as a kid man. We were poor but we got an SNES on the farm for all of us to play and it was the best. 1993 and 6 kids(my brother and cousins) all gathered around a small shitty television that needed a pair of pliers to change to channel 3 playing Super Metroid

mm

>>17189431
You're far too focused on your past. You're not the only person to go through shit in life. In fact, most people have had fucked up shit they have gone through.

Ya just do shit to make it through the day. Like say
>is. theres more but i'd rather not write a novel here.
Writing a novel is literally what you should do. About you past. Get it written down and out of your mind. Then you can send it to publishers and you might even sell it.

I have some pretty shitty chronic depression ever since I was a kid and it's never going to go away. I have tried prety much every sort of treatment and nothing has worked. What I do from not killing myself is create art. It allows me to sorta channel my depression into something positive Most days I am suicidal but whatever.

I'm not going to say "Don't kill yourself anon that's not the way!" because whatever. If you don't do it try writing or painting or whatever to help you pass the time.

As for your method it's not going to work. Pills are a terrible fucking way to kill yourself. Odds are you will just get extremely sick and not die. At least not right away. You will damage your organs, your brain, your liver, your kidneys and other parts of your body. You won't die however. You will either spend a week in god awful pain in your apartment or if someone finds you they will take you to the hospital where you will spend weeks if not months hooked up to machines and be in agony the entire time. There's a good chance you will survive but your life with be even shitty after killing off parts of your brain and being part vegetable.

So yeah, don't do it through pills. Large caliber rifle or shotgun is much better.

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>>17189660
actually, i already do art stuff to vent somewhat. pic related (excuse the anatomy breaking pose)

i'm really reaching my breaking point though. i can get by everyday somewhat, but each time i do it's like a tiny piece of my sanity chips away, slowly but surely. sure, i can go through treatment, but i've already been through it so many times. therapy doesnt work and i'm "hyper sensitive" as the doctors like to put it to most meds.

i've already tried overdosing on like 30 benadryl pills before and it almost worked. until someone found me and then i had to drink that black stuff (tasted like licorice?).
i'm down for being a vegetable. i already sit at home vegetating anyway.
thanks for caring though, anon <3

>>17189703
Well apparently you're just retarded then. Take your pills and enjoy shitting in a bag your entire life you dumbass.

>>17189808
thank god im killing myself then, right? one less retard in the world. woohoo.

I swear there is such a disconnect between how I feel and how I act it's killing me

Well then. I had long ago given up on girls, and people in general, and resolved to die a wizard.
Then this girl comes along.
I don't want to hope. She's strikingly intelligent and disarmingly beautiful.
Deserves whatever guy she wants. Perhaps that's me.

>>17189871
Go for it anon

I never done this before so I wanted to advice on how deal with this. I suffered a traumatic brain injury before I started my job I tried to fully disclose to my boss who didn't seem interested or care about providing me with any support I gave him the option to meet with my occupational therapist from my head injury rehabilitation so he would understand the difficulties I face but he wasn't interested. He then started to bully and intimidate me at work where I couldn't stand up to him (he owns the company) so i felt my job was in jeopardy. I then helped with office move where out of an office of 40, nobodyelse need to help but for the day off required only me another colleague to come in, as my difficulty means i have trouble saying no when put on the spot i then gave up the weekend to build office furniture which i than continued it my normal working week (i was building most of these on my own) things didn't get any better when i was sacked for a joke refused a day off as i was exhusted which than lead to the worst of it where he refused to let me go on a lunch break accross 2 days told me how it fucking pissed him off that I was going over his head by asking him to go lunch. I was so exhausted that I had to call my mum to come pick me up as I didn't feel safe to drive home part of my condition is that I suffer from fatigue which impacts greatly on my speech, memory and concentration. I have been signed off sick since last year he has threatened me by email had me followed and photographed whilst trying to get better and has refused since to settle on a negotiated exits and wants me to return I have gone through greivance process which he has rigged into his favour. For me to take him to tribunal it will cost £10,000. He has left me destitute and to the point I just want crawl up in a ball and die, I just want him settle so I can try a find a job that is long term and stable for my needs please what can I do?

At times it feels like my SO just shrugs off what I have to say. Sometimes it feels like he straight up isn't listening to what I'm saying either. Like for him and anyone I could say something and all they would respond with is "hmm..." then act as if I didn't say anything. Talking to people is getting hard since it doesn't feel like anyone cares about what I have to say. Am I really that uninteresting? I'm sorry. I can't help it.

Of course I made a new friend recently who I got along with really well, but he bailed out because he (very clearly) developed a crush on me and he knew it wouldn't work out in his favour, so he said we had to stop being friends.

I don't want to be an asshole. I met this girl on tinder and we had a lot of the same interests and she didn't seem too bad looking around a 6/10 and we lived pretty close together, so I said why the fuck not. When we matched up I was already talking to another girl, which I am still talking to her, and this girl messages me, just saying like hey and stuff. She was messaging me back too quickly so I was kinda eh I'll hold off a few minutes, and I ended up giving her my number for some reason, and she seemed way to eager and that kinda turned me off, and the way she talked too it was just annoying to me. Next thing you know she was bugging me to meet up so I said sure, trying not to be mean. When I met up with her she didn't look like anything in her pictures, not that she was any different from her pictures but she seemed skinny in her pictures, and she ended up being a tumblr landwhale. She went from a 6/10 to a 3/10. Since i didn't want to be on this date anyways I made a excuse to get out of there in an hour. This was also the worst date I was ever on. She started talking about serial killers and how this community thought how hot they were. Once I left I tried not to hug her or anything, I literally just said see ya. After that I wasn't even remotely interested, so I just started giving her one word responses so she would stop. She wouldn't take the hint and continued to blow up my phone with this stupid bullshit she spewed out. So I just started ignoring her. She didn't take the hint. After a while she noticed and said, "If you don't wanna be my friend, just tell me to fuck off", so I just ignored it THINKING she would finally stop. She didn't. I'm trying not to be an asshole and just tell her off like that. What do I do.

>>17189871
>I don't want to hope.

This. Hope is like a drug.

It's fucking great... at first.

And the more you give in to it, the more you want it.

Hope is fuckin' evil for us loser virgins who've long given up and accepted who we are.

>>17190071
You fucking idiot she GAVE YOU THE WAY OUT. saying nothing is basically telling her "i want to be your friend but..." you should have just said "thank you" when she said that.

Now...i think youre forced to tell her off. Like say im sorry but im just not interested. You brought this on yourself. Man the fuck up and tell her.

D. I'm not sure why I opened up to you the way I did. Perhaps my apparent desperation, and your overly keen sentiments toward me making me feel I could trust you.

Your feeling for me I was led to believe, enamoured, captivated by your gaze, laugh, beautiful eyes, smile, passion. You led me as far into the wilderness as it was possible to be without death; here I hesitate, awaiting last breaths, as sure as they will eventually come, as you wait in the cold to love another, in progress of your ultimate pursuits, truly to behold me, as you declared to them all, even without my knowledge, my witness, though I bear it always, standing to all I know of us and how they present matters to me.

My own losses, counted endlessly fall beyond me recklessly, as smaller items than my only true loss, if it shall not make the woman of me. My caution not to accept one who doesn't love me is not disregarded, simply destroyed by truth that finds its way to us, for what is love worthy in any case, if otherwise not beneficial for the soul in nourishment and kindness. To wait I won't for what finds and makes itself of me for nothing.

For every step fallen, I built those things not given so easily, how my strength never served me, bound by restraints of old over which I had no choice; yet what becomes me, a memory of wanting more than I knew, not too much; to not love you was a task I had to overcome where you would not. To keep asides where battles seem lost was not a fond direction of mine, to which I suffer, stranded without love, to exist was nothing more than a will of words I no longer wished to speak or know. I should go there, before I would ask your hand, to miss ridicule of the highest order, none deserved or condemned to others, my heart was not fickle or of stone but strong, bold, old and sold, given freely, happily for its own match of wills.

If you know who says here, remember the place and the feeling, of all

I wish I could live a happy life. But right now I just want to die and working half my life doesnt make it any better.

I like this girl alot. She probably does not feel the same, but just to remove all doubt I'm gonna ask her out on a Date, making it known as such.

But I can't bring my self to send it, just because of the probable out come, which is a NO, and possible cutting of communication.

But there is definitely a chance that she may be willing to give it a shot with me.

Why am I so cowardly with this.

Just say you love me, baka. I'd get my shit together, stop being a neet, get a job & move to your place; just tell more what you're really think about me; showing me more interest than just a polite "you're nice" would be so nice... Too bad (for both of us) you only see me as a 'friend'...
Anyway, I'm probably an idiot to have feels for you; I guess I should enjoy our moment together, shut the fuck up & move on...

>>17182937
I suffered through my teens, why didn't I get to enjoy my twenties like normal people? Time's passing and there's nothing I can do to get it back. I never thought it'd be like this.

>>17188200
Don't know why you said Florida of all places but yeah sure. I just need to get the fuck outta here.

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I love picking my nose. I love the different types of boogs and how they feel coming out.

The most generic ones are the "skin" boogies that are flat and wide. On top they are hard but on the bottom they are gooey like if you leave nacho cheese out too long. My personal favorite are the ones that feels like a hard grain of rice but when you start to pull it out it's attached to a larger gooey ball. You can just feel your nose just clearing right up as you pull that goo boulder out.

My second favorite are the stretchers. They have an end that's a bit more firm but still gooey and when you start pulling it out it's still connected to your nose on the other end. You keep pulling it thin and long to see how long it can stretch out before snapping and either hitting your face or finger. Kinda like those "hand" gummy toys you whip out to get stuck on stuff. Usually by that point the booger has gotten cold when it whips back and it feels so good.

Other notable boogies are the thin crunchy ones that are long and crunchy "lump" boogers you can use two fingers to pinch it and pull. One of the harder (sometimes painful) boogs are the super rock-hard corner buggers. You can usually feel them in the corners of your nose like something is lodged in there and they are annoying as shit. You have to really chip away at them with your nail to loosen them up some before you can get to it. It's incredibly frustrating how they are cemented in there.

But wow once you do get it out your nose feels amazing. You can just feel the extra air flow and can breathe so much better. Feels good son.

People that eat them are disgusting. People that do it in public are disgusting and people that don't put them in a tissue and wash their hands are disgusting.

It's like cleaning my ears. It's basic maintenance but oh god it's orgasmic. A good boogie hunt and eat cleaning is the best way to end the day.

I'm really nervous because you arent here with me and it's so difficult to deal with. I try to distract myself and live my own life, have other friends, but my mind always comes back to you.

I don't want to be clingy and freak you out but god damn do I need you here with me.

B and B

this is like we, must I compare thee?

So I have an EXTREME phobia of medical procedures. I have an infected tooth that needs pulling, but I can't bring myself to do it. I have been in the dentist chair twice this month and haven't let them start an IV despite being on a shit ton of anti-anxiety drugs. (I got a tattoo last month, so it has nothing to do with needles or pain.) I just can't stand the thought of the post-op situation. The gauze, the sedatives wearing off, the painkillers... It makes me sick to my stomach.

I'm wasting doctors' time. I'm wasting my father's money. I had to get a coworker to cover a couple of my shifts for it. All for me to pussy out last minute.

I know this infection could get into my bloodstream and kill me if left untouched for too much longer. I fucking know. I want to get this over with, but I physically cannot bring myself to do it. After each failure I bawl my eyes out. I'm such a worthless piece of shit. Hell, maybe I'm better off just letting it do me in, or maybe I should speed up the process and put a bullet through my brain.

I can't fucking do this, and that alone is eating away at me. I don't think I can take another failure.

I'm a homeless college student. Been homeless for two months now.

I keep getting the run around from landlords and this shit is killing me.

I really don't want to pursue a career as an electrical engineer. I really want to pursue a career as a musician more. I'm way better at music than I am at anything else.

At this point, I have no one holding me back except my fears of being homeless again. I have a full-time job that I enjoy going to everyday, but it's only seasonal. I have a good college GPA and only two years of schooling left. But I fucking hate it. I'm afraid of losing my musical talent in the midst of my homelessness. If this keeps up I'm afraid I'm going to lose it all.

I got to get away from this shitty town and find motivated musicians. I need people to play music with who are just as serious as me.

Today was a pretty shit day. Spilled spaghetti and made myself look stupid. That couple on the bus made me uncomfortable. A rough week in general but I'll pull through.

R,

You were the worst thing to happen to me and the best all the same. You stole, lied, manipulated, deceived, abused, and broke me too many times to count. I now have an anxiety disorder thanks to your shit. How could you do that to someone you claim is your soulmate?

I hate what you have done so much, I hate you, yet I still think of you near daily and you are sometimes in my dreams. I don't know why you can't leave my head.

E.

>>17189841
This is your motivation to change, stay with it

>>17190374

same here

>>17188233
I don't really like white girls too much, with the exception of girls from sweden, finland, those northern european countries.

Asians and middle-eastern girls are really good looking too.

[spoiler]And I really think that hijabs and nun habits are super fucking cute. Like, not in a sexual way, just they're super cute to me.[/spoiler]

>>17190598
I doubt they did any of those things. I bet you most likely got into the relationship at the wrong times and at the wrong maturity level and age, or setting.

All you need is forgiveness. You don't hate this person if you dream about them still and think of them near daily, op. That's still love right there if you're wondering.

Why not just fix it?

>>17190403
Initials please?

>>17190251
Well I sent it. Now I can't even look at my phone. Its turned off, so I don't have to see her response so soon

>>17190646
I know right.

The days when there is nothing in there really sucks. Just massive disappointment.

V
I hate what you did to me, we never had anything real and i acknowledge it but it felt that way for me but you didnt care. Thanks to that im stronger, im less of an idiot and i hope karma gets back at you.

Also, N
Im gonna make a move on you because i know i will never see you again and i will not let another person i feel something meaningful slips into the void of my mind and life for the x time.

F

It's been long enough, you should really come back home now. Ya know, I really want to move to the same city as you. Because we'll never be together any other way. But that type of behaviour is so creepy, isn't it?

Im such a fucking dumb ass, I just dropped off my ex gf, from idk what to call it it was just like.one of our dates we used to have, but now we are "friends" but I just love her so damn much, and my friends have abandoned me because I pushed em away . And now she's my only friend but I wanted to cry so many times during our hang out because to me it was just like how we were just a handful of weeks ago. I love her so much and I hd a great time but now I feel like dying from this pain.

>>17190373
because I live here
and the offer stands

I have off work for days and days
I changed my number last night and now they can't call me in
God, do I feel so relaxed. Like I'm on a fucking hammock in Barbados
All my bills actually got paid this month
Fuck it, life is good for me right now. Hope all y'all will be feeling as good as me come tomorrow

I don't need half-ass shit responses to my troubles.. like if you're going to give me sympathy then choose your words carefully because it feels like you pulled that out of a hat.

I've decided I'm going to end my addiction to porn. I'm 20 years old, and I have erectile dysfunction because I have been masturbating like an animal since I was about 12. And my fetishes have become to extreme to hold an erection during sex with my girlfriend. She's the only one I've told this to aside from writing this down. That also means I'm staying the hell away from not only my favorite porn sites, but 4chan as well. I've become desensitized. And I need to get my head back on straight. I'm starting back up at parks and recreation tomorrow. I haven't looked at porn in a few days now. I masturbated last night, but I'm going to go without. My girlfriend is starting her period pretty soon, she says. So we're not going to want to have sex anytime soon. 2 weeks at the maximum according to her. That lines up perfectly. I don't think I'll be back to good by then, but I'm going to seriously try for her. I still get erections from touching her, but not during sex. I can get hard from her, but I can't maintain. So maybe things aren't so bad. But they're definitely not good. I don't know how long it will take, but I'm going to regain control of my dick. And undo any damage I can. I have to do it not just for me, but for us. I love her too much for this shit.

Fucking stupid cunt it was one horrible night of me making an asshole of myself in front of your retarded friends. I NEVER WANTED TO GO TO THAT FUCKING PARTY AND YOU HAD YOUR FRIENDS' PARENTS BASICALLY TRAP ME THERE. I was polite. I came inside for a few drinks because I was just supposed to pick you up.hours pass. "Hey can we go?" "No in a little bit" More drinks, more hours. "We should leave" durrrrrrr we can't leave because you shouldn't be driving. FUCK YOU I was tricked into this retarded shit. All I wanted to do was just go home and now I was cursing off some of the sweetest people I've ever met because I felt trapped. Now you and your stupid retarded friends hate me and whisper shit about me at work telling you to break up with me because of this. What you've never made drunken mistakes? HA. I FUCKING FORGAVE YOU FOR CHEATING ON ME AND DID NOTHING. Maybe we shouldn't be with each other because thats still burned in my head. But I love you. You fucking sexy dumbfuck. I alienated all my friends for you. I would have nothing. I don't know what to do.

Found out a few hours ago one of my best friends from highschool killed himself yesterday. Leaving behind a wife and a child.

I can't make sense of this. I moved away and haven't had much contact with him in the past few years. He was a good guy, I don't understand why he would do this and leave behind his family.

>>17191009
As opposed to taking them with him?

>>17191026
I'll be honest, that would have been a hell of a lot more logical to me.

>>17190996
leave her

man do the one right thing in that relationship and end it for fucks sake

you should have just left by yourself and said you were getting too drunk you idiot

the hell is wrong with people no girl is worth that much shit they all have their periods and will get old, find someone that doesnt have you jumping through awkward hoops

>>17191030
Maybe he actually loved them?
Or maybe they're what he was.trying to escape. Either way, the world will never know. Sorry bout your friend

I sometimes hate how I get angry and push people away from me. Im insecure and don't have tge greatest confidence within myself

>>17189703
holy shit someone needs to take an art class or dozen

26 year old manchild rolling through
Last time I had a job I was probably 20, and that one only lasted a day
It was at a gas station, got it after pestering the owner for a while, dude who was supposed to show me how things worked suddenly decided not to so I had to learn as I went which was awful given how nervous I was
Probably short changed a few people, including the dude who came back with like three friends to demand his money back
Pussied out after my shift was over

Did go to college for a while to dick around in different subjects, eventually dropped at 23 leaving a nearly half done computer science degree
Have done fuck all since then except feel sorry for myself

Somewhat coming around lately though, go to the gym, been improving my hygiene, and am a hell of a lot more social/outgoing than I have ever been

I'd like to get a part time job doing anything but I fear my non-existent work history at this age makes me unemployable, that and a lack of degree or skills, plus I'm insecure as fuck about my performance, feel like I'd just be wasting an employer's time cause I'm bound to screw something up
Fuck's sake I don't even know how to drive

I've been thinking suicide is probably it for me, figure I could do myself in after my dad dies. Hell I thought about doing it when he was having a stroke last year, was figuring I could just let him die then take his gun but I ended up calling an ambulance, been taking care of him since then. He's in much better shape now, almost better than before except for some lingering balance and vision issues, I cook his meals, give him his meds, take his vitals, he does everything else on his own.

Suicide probably isn't in me, a real hero would just do it regardless, right?

I really do want to change my situation, get a job, maybe go back to school but I just don't know what to do, where to start. Keep sitting on my thumbs about all that.

Sometimes I think I'm afraid of actually getting out of this rut.

I have a friend that just wandered off without so much as a goodbye. He eventually told me he didn't want to talk anymore. I don't know why. Every time we got together we had so much fun. I knew he had anxiety problems. So, I left him alone.

he eventually reached out to me after a few months. We have been texting for months. He says he still considers me a friend. He says he still wants to meet up. He says he still misses me. He says we need to catch up.

Every time in the past 3 months that I suggest something, he says he will be there. Every time he has backed out or made up an excuse to not be there. The last time I wanted to take him out to a lunch to celebrate his birthday. It came time to meet up and have lunch and he said he thought it was cancelled since he thought it was at noon. The day before he reminded me that it was for 3pm. He made up an excuse to be elsewhere....again.

I sent him the bday card I was going to give him at the lunch and he said he loved it. He said he was not expecting it and it made his day. I wished him a happy bday on the actual day and he said he was surprised because no one else seemed to remember.

I don't know if he actually wants to be friends or if he is just having fun stringing me along. After all, he was the one that reached out to me. We used to be such close friends and thats all I want again. I don't know whether to cut him out of my life or not. Part of me says yes, the other part of me remembers the good times last summer. I will always cherish those memories.

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>just spent 5 minutes looking at Harlequin fetuses
>cause why not

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>Girlfriend breaks up with me
>Loses interest/care for me
>Says she removed all memories we had
>Everything
>Get back together later on for a short period
>Doesn't last
>She really stops caring for me
>Really dislikes me
>Can't ever see her
>Doesn't want to talk
>Doesn't want anything to do with me
>Cares nothing for what we had, has no attachment to anything with me
>I try to accept this, but I'm still in love with her
>Still want her back
>By now, few months have gone by
>She gets high one day
>Sleeps for a bit, wakes up
>It's late
>Offhandedly link a profile picture of hers
>Tell her it's my favorite one
>She links a picture from way back
>When we were together, happy and everything was fine
>Says she likes that one

I can't believe this. That hurt so fucking badly I can't even explain. That was so unexpected, a part of me was killed and revived at the same time. I feel like I was hit with a rock.

I have no idea what im fucking doing and i just want my dreams to come true. I dont want to be the only one who has ambition of getting a dream job in my relationship. I just want my life to work out for fucking once for crist sakes. If there is a damn god then this is his chance to peek my interest in even bothering acknowledging him.

>>17191360
She probably just likes the way she looks in it.
Move on dude.

>>17191366
Probably. But why would she say she removed everything if she didn't. And why would she even care for that picture when I'm right there, glued to her? It's not she could ever use it unless she does an awful cropping job. I'm not even looking into it like it means something. I just can't believe she had that. It makes me wonder though.

>>17191360
What was it that made your relationship take off in the first place?
Losing that or just having a weak foundation to begin with is why people just lose interest.
Why do you want her back so badly? She treats you like crap and all.

>>17191380
Our dynamic changed. She no longer had to pursue me. I accepted and loved her then she stopped loving me. I was all over her whereas before, she was all over me trying to get me to love her.

>>17191380
>>17191389
Mind you, there was a connection. There was love and common interests, but there was too much focus on our relationship and where it was going for us to actually take time to enjoy ourselves. It was always "what's going on. What's the status of the relationship" and I focused so much on her it was just like...there's no longer anything interesting about me.

>>17191240
Sounds like the guy really needs help (as in, therapy). It's called avoidant PD when it gets that bad.
It's not fun for him, not at all.
Try to help if you can.

rescued a dog today... then found out it needs like $200 in vet care for intestinal parasites. I'm gonna have to take him back cause a total of $500 on a $20 adoption from the shelter is not okay with me.

I feel like a terrible person. I know it's the best option all around... but I feel terrible. this was a bad idea.

>>17191434
You're not. And don't you dare let any of those people make you feel worse.

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I met up with a friend after work tonight at a bar she was at with a couple of other girls. She had to leave as I got there and I left too because she was leaving

I really should have stayed and hung out with those other girls as they were having fun and I could have had fun with them.

Now I'm here drinking seltzer water and posting on /adv/. Why am I so stupid?

>>17190957
Chill dawg

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i have literally nobody to talk to about anything.

i'm not close to my mother and i dont even speak to my step father. my friends arent really even sure about my interests, we just hang out and do whatever they are into. i'm 19 and i've never even had a gf because i dont want anyone to be close to me.

also, since i'm letting off steam, i also feel like i missed my youth already. whenever i'm picking up my siblings from high school and i see couples holding hands or kissing i get extremely angry or sad or both. it can literally put me in a bad mood all day. i'm going crazy because i feel like i have nobody to vent or talk to. i started talking to a girl a few months ago and we went out and had a nice chat but she told me she was busy the next 3 times i asked her so i just assumed she wasn't into me and started ignoring her to protect myself, and now we don't talk anymore. i don't know what's wrong with me. i just want to be normal

>>17191604
Look into escorts in your area. You seem like you are sexually frustrated to the point of negative results. Its not shameful to pay for sex.

>>17191623
while that's definitely true, i don't know if that'd make me any happier.

seeing my friends pick up girls at parties and stuff just infuriates me. seeing how easy and effortless it's done makes me sick. i'd probably feel weaker and more emasculated having to pay for an escort, in my mind.

i just want a genuine human relationship with a girl that i can share my feelings and buy things for and go on adventures and fuck on the beach. cheesy shit like that.

I don't know where you are, but I need you.

>>17191623
also just wanted to let you know that since you mentioned this i looked around backpage out of curiosity and found out the massage parlor i drive by to work every day is actually a prostitution business, with cute asian girls. might look into this, thanks senpai

>>17191604
You are normal. Normal people feel the need for emotional connection with others. Those who don't are the abnormal ones (eg schizoids, psychopaths).
>i dont want anyone to be close to me.
Fix that shit. Go to therapy if you have to. It will ruin every relationship before it even starts.
>i also feel like i missed my youth already.
At 19? Hell no. You can say that at 30.

Go make some actual goddamn friends, then they'll help you meet more girls.

Did you really have to start coming into my dreams too?

>>17191685
I can't go to therapy. It's expensive and I don't want anyone to think I have problems and ask me about them, or worry about me. I was just hoping a relationship would fix that for me, it seems like directly going against my own feelings of safety and comfort have helped me out before.

As for the friends thing, I'll have to soon anyway. The core group is moving away at the end of the year and I'm staying here. I'll be alone again. A little terrified of that desu

I find the smell of my balls and farts intoxicating.

you're all getting blunt advice tonight. personal circumstances have sharpened focus and dulled tact. listen.

Danny, I miss you dearly. I hope you have not forgotten about your special friend. I know you're growing up, and I'm proud of you, but I really miss you. I just want to hold you. No words just love

Please come back

there are days when the reeking smell of fear in the world around me disgusts me and there are days when the smell of many pissing their pants elicits empathy and a drive to instill courage. some days both. some days it feels contagious and I feel such a deep hatred for my connection that I lash out.

>>17191734
>I don't want anyone to think I have problems
Top kek. We all have problems, man. Serious problems.
The only completely sane and secure people are retards and vegetables.
The fact that you try to hide your problems doesn't mean (some) people can't see them anyway.

Met a girl just over a month ago, hit it off really well and started talking. Nothing serious, and I never wanted anything serious, but we started seeing each other.

She broke it off the other day, and while it shouldn't be a big deal because it didn't last that long, I'm really struggling with it. I was so close to finally losing my virginity but I guess not.

It just fucking sucks we really hit it off.

I hate falling in love with someone, and after many years, followed by months of wooing me, he casually mentions he's seeing someone (not seriously), followed by "oh but if I could be with you, I'd choose you!" what a load of bullshit, really I've never heard someone so full of shit. If you loved me as much as you say, you wouldn't be doing this to me. Fuck off. If you can't put me first, I'm going to start seeing someone else. Bye

I had plenty of offers, and turned them all down for you

you know, since we had started getting together, and for a long time before, I stayed true to you. It's not ok to just accidentally be fucking someone else in the meantime

Every time I try to ask for advice here my threads get ignored, yet every time someone posts about "muh crush omg" they get 10+ replies in a short amount of time.

Why can't I ask anything remotely serious on this board ffs?

>>17192011
Because yours are probably more specific and are harder to answer whereas plenty of people here have gone through the generic relationship shit so it's easier to answer.

the incompetency of others has costed me again. monetarily and emotionally. how unfortunate. thank fuck I was just generally observant or this would have turned into thousands of dollars and possibly massive medical issues on top of it. the level of incompetency is criminal frankly.

some day. some day I'll be surrounded by people that can be relied on. I feel their out there, but not right here, and I can't quite reach right now.

anyways this whole thing has been absolutely disgusting, tiring, and disturbing, and it's going to be a mess and a time sink that is going to get in the way of other things I need to do, before this is done.

what a pain in the ass. I really didn't have time for this. could have all been avoided by people doing their fucking job.

>>17182937
I think I'm in love. Or at the very least deeply infatuated and devoted. I know it's crazy, because it hasn't been a week.

I'm so tired of explaining myself. how about you trust, stop thinking the worst, and observe rather than assume if you're so fucking interested?

while you're at it, get the fuck out of the way. you're impeding your own understanding.

And once again I fall for a guy that already has a girlfriend.. fucking hell im tired of this.

Theres this girl I have a huge crush on and may like me back. She likes to get physical quick and around her family.
Shell pretend to fall down and then squirm around on the ground in a kinda provocative manner and I dont know what to do about it. I dont touch people very often my whole life and this has made me freeze and not know what to do.
I have all the drive in the world to try and get better but I have absolutely no clue on how.

I'm actually really upset that a particular friend removed me from Facebook. I'm not sure what I did wrong, I was always nice to him. I'm more upset than I thought I should be

I can't tell if I'm just insecure or if I'm finally seeing myself for who I am. I just want some peace with myself

>>17192539
10 bucks says his girl/boyfriend made him do it

>>17191397

I wouldn't know where to begin. We exchange text messages every once in a while. I have offered help. I have told him that if he needs to talk, I am there to listen. He knows he can call me anytime about anything and I will pick up. I don't know if it is depression or what.

I want to help. I want to do what I can to rebuild the friendship we had. He knows that. It just seems like he doesn't care.

>>17192624

To build on that, I know of his rough childhood. He doesn't tell many people.

He once told me that he would rather run from his problems instead of deal with them. He also stated that when he feels he gets too close to people, he will cut them off. He would rather hurt them before they get the chance to hurt him.

as I said, I wouldn't know where to begin.

>>17190668
Nope, they did all of those things. I have the scars and issues to back it up.

I can never forgive what has been done to me. I will never be able to get past it and let them back into my life again without the knowledge that one day I may come home to a drunk who has gotten a hand on my gun. No thank you.

>>17191905
That's probably true, but I judge myself based on the people I'm surrounded by and none of them go to therapy or anything. I was depressed in high school and I thought it kinda ended when I graduated but now it's coming back and yet I still don't think anyone actually knows. Nobody has ever brought it up to me anyway. How expensive are they anyway?

>>17192624
>I have offered help. I have told him that if he needs to talk, I am there to listen. He knows he can call me anytime about anything and I will pick up.
Most guys will never take you up on this offer. We don't want to burden anyone with our problems, we'd rather suffer in silence.
>He once told me that he would rather run from his problems instead of deal with them.
Yep, that's basically the core problem with avoidant PD.

If he doesn't want to change, there's nothing much you can do other than keep being his friend (ie you have to prove you aren't like others, that you aren't actually going to hurt him somehow, that he's safe around you and can trust you). That helps.
The rest, he has to do himself.

>>17192754
Depends on the country and whether your insurance covers it (obviously). Highest i've seen (out of pocket, USA), was $95 per session.

Is this going my way or not? Is this working at all? I wonder how bad I feel when I finally lose hope for good and give up.