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I just got out of a long term relationship with a girl who had

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I just got out of a long term relationship with a girl who had serious intimacy issues. I'd been with her for my whole adult life, and we never once had sex.

Which, yes, is the probably most beta thing imaginable, please contain your memes, I'm aware.

Occasional hand stuff, but anytime we'd try to go farther than that she'd freak out and have to stop.

So now we're apart and I don't have a single fucking clue what I'm doing either in the dating arena or in the bedroom, despite pushing 30.

What the fuck do I even do? I don't just mean "how do I meet people" becuase yes, that too, but how do I make up for lost time?

An almost-30 dude with the dating and sexual experience of a 17-year old does not seem that desirable--I don't like my chances.
Wait 10 more years and you can live like the movie. It all worked out okay for him.

>how do i make up for lost time

you dont. you are where you are. you go in not falling for that trap again, but this is who you are.

>An almost-30 dude with the dating and sexual experience of a 17-year old does not seem that desirable--I don't like my chances.

as long as you dont wear your button that says 'im a virgin, ask me how!' girls will have no reason to assume you are a virgin. no one looks at the 30 year old who just got out of a decade long relationship and thinks 'WOW HE MUST BE A VIRGIN'. by the time a girl realizes you are a virgin it will be 'too late'. they dont need to know. most girls do not ask a 29 year old man 'what is your sexual history'. if they do, its generally to make sure you aren't a slut or have an STD.

just say you are tested and clean, havent had sex since your ex. they dont need to know anything else. if they ask what you like, say what you assume you'd like. but the chances are you dont have to worry about these sorts of conversations.

>dont just hit on a woman

its no secret that women are the ones who are approached, and they make decisions on which men to keep in their lives. that being said, desperately drooling over each and every girl as if they are a potential love interest is silly.

give yourself more value by not letting a woman sway you on first impressions alone. before you ever begin to say anything remotely flirtatious, talk to the girl. see what she actually acts like when you interact with her. have a normal conversation. if there isnt anything special there beyond her looks, friendzone her. or simply stop talking to her. you do not need to hit on each and every girl that looks good enough to be your partner.

doing this gives you more value, and the psychological effects are great. in addition, women will take you more seriously. instead of being 1 of 500 men in new york who went straight for the kill, you took the time to get to know them. whether it goes anywhere or not, this approach also just gives you practice talking to girls in a casual context. its less pressure than trying to impress them.

>only ever use dating apps as a supplement to your real life dating.

dating apps are toxic. consider the following
>people use dating apps because they arent having much luck in real life
>they go to a dating app where they are introduced to an entire smorgasbord of men who want nothing more than to bang and/or date them
>after just one day they will have seen everyone in their area
>within one week they would have talked to everyone they are interested in

so anyone who has been using the app for more than a few weeks clearly has some sort of issue. likely, they are the female equivelent of what i discussed in my first post.

they want a 'bf' but because they have a very specific idea of what a bf is, they arent finding it anywhere. instead of seeing if they have real chemistry, they are simply walking down the aisle, trying to figure out what is the ONE thing at the groccery store they can buy, based solely on pictures and labels.

if a woman is on tinder for too long, they are losing their ability to feel chemistry.

you as a man can fall into a very similar pattern here, but with the added harshness of constant rejection.

it is an app made for people who want to date, yet no one seems to have success there for very long. that should tell you something.
Go on piratebay
Download the Blueprint Decoded by Tyler Durden
Wath rsdnation rsdtyler rsdmax rsdtodd Julien Himself videos
work on your passion in life
and get on with it, I trust you will anon
>but anon, how do i use it as a supplement to an existing dating life if i dont have a dating life.

effort. lots and lots of effort. and also, doing what you like. going out is in no way restricted to bars and clubs, though if that is what you enjoy, by all means, go to bars and clubs.

the truest way to find chemistry is to experience your life in the most enjoyable way, and see how you match with the people who come into it. interacting with someone in a casual way shows you how you ACTUALLY get along, not how you hope to get along cuz you really want this to work cuz you need a gf.

so write down a list of all your hobbies, and find a way to externalize them. most people live at least near a city these days.

go to any and all hobby shops and ask about local events. gun shops might have hunting trips. or you can just go to a shooting range. comic book stores have game nights. or live commentary movie nights. if these shops do not host events, offer to host one through them, after all it will only lead to more money through them.

you can even go to a more casual store, lets say, a book store, and stand in your favorite aisle (lets say, horror). talk to everyone who comes by looking for a book. ask what book they are looking for. tell them what book you are looking at. try to spark a conversation abotu your favorite author. maybe take some suggestions. if you really hit it off, try to trade numbers.

its okay if it doesnt pan out. this isnt a scoring system. there is no man in a cloack in space making down on a cosmic chalkboard how many failed conversations you had. 99% of interaction is dumb. you are waiting for the 1% and enjoying talking about your favorite things with strangers until then.
Hey OP.

I'm a 21 y/o with more sexual experience than most people. I've had over 100 partners, as well as one serious long-term relationship.

Your sexual experience is a bit of an issue, but not as much as you think. When I was 16, I gave oral for the first time. My partner was convinced I was lying about it being my first time, so much so that they were actually angry at me for being 'dishonest'. I have always been skilled at sex, because I made it a point to research everything before having my first sexual experience. I have read numerous .pdfs and articles on how to please my partner, and it's paid off. Knowing the theory of it, and being earnest, are the only two real requirements. Experience does help to hone those skills, but you certainly don't need experience to know what you're doing.

Read http://t2mh.com/esoteric/She%20Comes%20First.pdf

After you've read that, spend some time pandering around on google, reading articles on sex and how to please a partner. Read up on how to kiss as well; you are probably not very good at it.

Once you've educated yourself, put yourself in a position to have some hook-ups. Go to bars, approach many women, or use tinder (get a woman to take your photos for it and design your profile, dont use that shitty hiking photo from 2011). Casual sex is very good for practicing, as the stakes are much lower. After you've had sex with the woman, ask her in as normal a way as you can, just say something like "hey, so you're actually only the second person ive had sex with. i'd really like to know how it was for you and what could have been better."
honestly sex isn't hard. it seems like this insurmountable feat because we as a society place so much value on this act, and we have this inherent desire to feel accepted by others, and if we are lackluster in bed, we are afraid of rejection.

that said, i will explain to you "sex"

you literally put your penis inside of her, pull it out most of the way, and do it again. try to angle your penis in different directions at different times. with practice, youll get better.

i mean things dont look fantastic for you, but honestly sex is not this big hurdle youre making it out to be.

ive had a fucking ton of sex in my life, it's not something to stress about.

If a man hits on me or is even a little flirtatious right off the bat, I become disinterested immediately regardless of how attractive he is. Just talk to her like you would talk to a man who you were trying to become friends with at first. You can hit on her later in the conversation, or maybe the next time you see her.

This is solid advice as well.
Hey man,
don't think like that. Having sex is so simple that even bacteria do it. It's the most natural, simple thing in this entire world.
Don't try to make up for "missed experience, " trust me. It's unfortunate for you that your ex wouldn't have sex (though probably she's just very smart and good for her), but sex is not hard and not worth having to be worried over.

I lost my virginity because I wanted experience. Not because I loved anyone. (Also I'm a domme and I was a horny shit so I felt like half a human without doing the teenage thing) Big mistake. There was little to gain from it.

Just look at my boyfriend. He lied to me about not being a virgin, and then he gave me head and I came. I've never had an orgasm with a man in any way before him and he was a virgin. I thought it was not possible for me to experience orgasm with plain sex, but he proved me wrong and it was his first time doing all of those things. (Also the fact that he was a virgin before me is endearing as fuck and I wish he didn't lie to me. )

it's not about experience, it's about being focused and having something underneath the sex that's driving it (like love).

Hope that helps.
Thanks anons.

I'll read what was suggested and put myself out there. Here's hoping I'm not as doomed as I feel.
>giving up all your interests and hobbies for some girl

dont self fulfill any prophecies or anything.
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