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NEW ONE

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NEW ONE
>>
Pooping is a relaxing inconvenience. It just doesn't make sense.
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I was anot annoying drunk on Skype last night and I'm scared of catching the shit I probably deserve. How do I prepare myself?
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My life is a complete fucking disaster right now and it is all my fault, all of it

At least I'm finally going to get better. I have to. I'm not a degenerate drug user any more and I'm starting treatment for my depression and I'm going to focus on the "serenity and perseverance" aspects of spirituality instead of spooky shit

I ended my LDR yesterday, a guy I've known I needed to end things with for ages. I hoped he'd get mad and hate me but instead he begged me to take him back and then attempted suicide again (or lied about it, I honestly don't even know). I want to email him and ask if he's okay as its been several hours but ugh. I promised myself I wouldn't, that I would go "no contact" permanently.

My next relationship is going to be someone I meet in the flesh. no more online bullshit. I'm not having sex again until I'm married, either. Enough degenerate distraction. Sex should be a reward/achievement for having everything else in your life going well.
>>
I'm lonely
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What the fuck is happening around me?
On one hand I don't want to know but energy I'm picking up is... Off.
I wasn't going to run away from the feeling this time. But, I feel like this story will have bad end. So I don't want to keep reading it. But you know what? It's always my fault. Every. Single. Time.
I guess that's my role in the story or something much worse.
>>
>>17159440
awesome first post of thread
>>
Taking life less seriously lately is actually helping a lot with my anxiety and anger issues. I just hope it doesn't make me unmotivated.
>>
I post way to often on the situation with the Girl. Now, I am sure that she only likes me as a friend, though, I am starting to think that MAYBE, just MAYBE, something is starting to happen in her head that may draw her to me.

We spoke for 5 fucking hours, and it was a nice conversation. If she did not like talking to me, she EASILY could have cut that off.

She did not outright say no when I invited her to an interesting thing. She did not outright say she's busy then, but left it at "I think I'm going to a private beach with some friends that day" So, still in fucking limbo, no outright busy's even. Obviously Im not gonna message her about that, but I am still hoping that she is free then, obviously.
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>>17159469
It'll be ok senpai. I'm sending you some energy. The good stuff.
>>
Unmotivated as fuck, so lost inside my own head I don't know which way is "up" anymore. It's all subjective anyway.. looking for a reason to live if anyone's got a spare
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I'm living at my ex's house now since my rapist's mother and 4 kids and goldfish are now living where I was staying temporarily and I refuse to deal with it.
Also I made some dope burritos for dinner tonight.
>>
>>17159435
Two jobs, school, no parental help since 19.

My two older siblings are fuck ups and my mom and grandparents financially coddle them like toddlers.

My bro has two dui's and cries about his "image" if he has to bus to work, so my mom halts her day and takes him 1 hour roundtrip to work. My sister spends all her money on boy bands (as a grown adult) then begs my mom to pay her rent each month because she spent it all.

Today was such a long day. Sometimes, I want to just quit everything and be rewarded for failure like my siblings have been.
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Still in school, grades are too bad, moved out when I was 14. I'm quite poor, have no friends, my family doesn't give a fuck about me. Have a sleeping disorder and haven't slept in 3 days. No joy in live and already bought a rope.
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>>17159778
seeing movies.
>>
My best friend is getting married to a girl-woman he's known for a year. Marriage this Sunday.
It's going to fail.
Their year long relationship hasn't been a relationship between adults. It's been a fucking craft collaboration. The last year they've been working on making everything for their wedding.

But what's going to happen when they have nothing to do and it's just themselves? It'll fall apart.

Also, it's their first major relationship. They're both in their mid twenties, and she has like half a dozen mental illnesses.

Jesus Christ, they're fucked.

The worst bit is that I'm leaving on unrelated issues.
I've been his best friend for 15 years.
Without me, he has no one.
But I don't think he realizes that.
And he won't until I'm gone.

In 6 months, when his "marriage" breaks down and he needs me, I'll be thousands of miles away.

Part of me is thinking "Take fucking that for ignoring my advice and taking me for granted".
Part of me is thinking "You've never had to deal with anything this bad in your entire life. I have, I should help."

It's too late. I'm gone. I hope he doesn't kill himself after she does.
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There's always something to remind me.
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I'm not gay but I fell in love with a guy and my head is spinning upside down and I don't know what to do... i'll end up killing myself this way
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>>17159910
Chill. Why would you kill yourself because you love someone?
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I have the motivation to go back to school and pick up a new degree/career but cannot decide and paranoid about fucking it up again, like my first major/first few years of my career.

And I think I am allowing this frustration to block me from enjoying other things in life rather then keeping it all separate.
>>
i have ideas for video games that i'll never create and i want to die because i have such a strong feeling like i need to turn these ideas into something
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>>17159910
You can love someone without being sexually attracted to someone.
Today's society has that all messed up.
Love=wanting to stay around someone you want to fuck.

In reality, love has nothing to do with sexual attraction.
Relationships do, of course, but pure love is nothing about fucking.
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Had sex with a drunk 18 year old (I'm 23) that I work with. She acted completely coherent and I had no idea she was as drunk as she was; I was drunk as well. Apparently she doesn't remember any of it and I feel like a rapist. Can't move past it.
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>>17159917
Homophobic religious nut family, engaged to a girl whom i no longer love nor desire... plenty of reasons
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>>17159925
But I do feel sexual attraction for him. I don't know what shit type of straight i was. Was I even straight? Can you find out about these things after 24 years of life? Does that even happen?
It's killing me from the inside out.
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This is a formal retraction:

Once I think I told someone that someone that some rancid fuckboi had "broken my heart." I feel that that phrase was misconsrued as being said with a lack of irony. Believe me it was ironic.


But right now, after finding out what my husband calls his girlfriend in front of my daughters, my heart is broken in a most unironic way. Feels bad, man. Feels like hell. Hurts like hell. I spent every night with him for 7 solid years, married for 10, two kids. I failed. I failed. I failed. And now he's making love to a girl he calls "Cider Girl."

*sobs*

I guess I focus on this stupid ho that fucked with me one night because it's much much easier than feeling this way.
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>>17159947
so niggerish
>yuck
>>
I was never meant to last this long. I'm just a fuckbot, a malfunctioning fuckbot. I was supposed to self-destruct in September, 2000. But I didn't. And then I wandered and wander lost for a long time just wanting someone to help me and love me. And I found it and now it's over.
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>>17159928
Well, you shouldn't marry someone you don't love. That'll just cause more problems in the future. As for your family, I think you shouldn't worry about it. Yes, I know it's much easier said then done but honestly if they cause you more harm than good fuck them. If you are in a situation where you HAVE to be around them just slowly build your escape route while playing nice.
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>>17159947
Did you really just say "niggerish?"'

That's gross. That's why no one will ever feel about you the way I feel about him.
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Finally have a job interview after over a year of unemployment due to the oilfield dropping off. Now I'm scarred this job won't go through since Iv heard government jobs are hard to get unless your a vet. I want to cry inside of excitement and fear.
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>>17159957
So you're girlfriend cheated on you with a Black man, huh?

Understandable.
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>>17159957
Spotted the nigress.

>>17159960
Kek
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>>17159965
That's it. I'm done.

You targeted me for whatever bullshit reason and I was vulnerable but in my defense I thought you were just some dopey kid. I didnn't know you were some kind of motherfucking Bugsy Malone. Jesus what a world.

However the fact of the matter is that you mortally insulted me. You insulted my body. I received no apology. You are a pussy and I'm not afraid of your gun, or your money stack, or your white boy dreadlocks and removed prison tatts. You are just so easy to hate. There's absolutely no question that you are a bad person and you should be off the street. But even if that weren't the case I'd still have a bone to pick with you. And I've got support for what I'm doing btw.
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Two fucking years since we've been apart and I still get excited over the thought of throttling the life from you. Cheating on me for six years with my best friends, family, and everyone else and then having your friends and my "friends" for you because you sucked their dicks?

I hope you're found dismembered and flayed in a garbage can outside of your dorm.
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>>17159435
I'm done feeling powerless.
I'm done feeling impotent.
I'm done. I'm just... done.
No more nights of anger.
No more nights of fear.
No more nights of being lonely.
I am not a victim. I am a fighter. That's all I've ever been.
I just never realized it.
For once, good feels.
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>>17159954
I know. I'll have to call off the wedding and eventually cut contact with the family... but I dread their reactions... and the emotional rollercoaster... if, that is, he responds to my feelings. If he doesn't i'm just going to go to the nearest bridge off myself...
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I lied to pretty much everyone throughout my life except close family to the point that every lie was a lie on top of another lie and its all kinda coming to a head now, stole money from friends not a lot only like 200 if you add it all up going to be laving my 2 roommates half way through a lease b/c i cant afford it even though i lied to them and told them i had enough money to last 6 months, and told them the reason for leaving was a better job in another city.
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TRP logic: Complaining that women are solipsistic while everything they do revolves around you.
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I think I'll honestly be alone forever. I've had sex before, but it wasn't even that great. Also she was extremely crazy and basically disappeared from my life at the drop of a hat.

Tinder seems like a giant waste of fucking time. I don't have the looks to swoon these girls. I don't really have the personality either.

It seems like I'm going to have to "settle" one day for a hagrid, pig-disgusting hamplanet. Which is unfortunate. I don't think I'm all that bad looking, just not a model or anything. I get decent ratings from /soc/. I just have a horribly boring personality. No sense of humor. I'm just artsy. But it doesn't seem to matter. Nobody asks about my music, even though I tell them I'm a musician. That's my one biggest interest and hobby.

The other day I even had a 6/10 fatty tell me I was annoying. Okay, yeah maybe I was a bit annoying, but only because you said I was "fucking cute" and were "obsessed with musicians", so I kept trying to talk to you.

Long story short, the process of finding a companion is so fucking draining to the point where it feels like a god damn waste of time.
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>>17160070
cont. because I felt like writing some more.

At this point, I am literally "being muhself" when it comes to talking to girls. All that PUA shit is horse's ass. I've fallen flat on my face trying to pull that stupid overblown garbage countless times. So now I'm just throwing caution to the wind and presenting to girls the authentic, boring me.
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>>17160070
>a hagrid, pig-disgusting hamplanet
You lost me there.
Don't feel bad judging a non beautiful woman, but expect sympathy despite not having the looks and personality?
Don't want to settle down for another ugo, but expect a pretty girl to settle down for you?
When you stop putting looks on the first place like a teenager, maybe you'll find someone. Maybe.
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>>17160077
that's a good boy, now get the fuck off the internet and stay the fuck off the internet!

no really, you gotta start seeing women as people and not prospective fleshlights. you do this by getting as much face to face interaction as possible and staying away from /r9k/ misadventures in procuring pussy. they wonder why women don't have personalities when they're going into this thinking, "can i put my dick in it?" you don't want to end up like them.

if you're 6/10 you can easily get some points by just being relaxed, so presenting your "boring" self and being comfortable with it is the first step. good luck!
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I've masturbated all day to the point where almost nothing is coming out, but it doesn't make the loneliness go away that much, a shame. But on the bright side I won't be distracted by my largely female group tomorrow at school and that definitely helps some.
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You're doing a great job and you're awesome. Smile more. Someone is thinking of you today.

Every time you feel a bit down, just remember I'll be here to cheer you on.
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>>17159456

I miss you so much. Please don't do it. I didn't lie about it. I wanted to meet you. I fucked up. I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do. THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU COMPLETELY FUCKED MY LIFE FUCK YOU
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>>17159456

I knew you'd post here. I have done anything or eaten for two fucking days. I've been browsing /r9k/ and /adv/ 24hs since last two days. Seriously, everything I did for you, you don't remember any of that? I fucked up, I understand. I was going to meet, I had applied for passport, you broke it, you did it. You won't better, I hope so. I suffered enormously. Jesus fucking Christ, you hit me so hard. I truly loved you. I don't honestly know what I am doing anymore. What strikes me the most is that I helped you whenever you suffered. You broke over some stupid shit? And YES I TOOK THOSE FUCKING PILLS BECAUSE I COULDN'T STOP CRYING! Fuck you for doubting that. I just asked for forgiveness, that's it. I am sorry. I can't believe I am doing this on public forum. I have lost all my self-esteem, my self-respect. I am have become cringe.
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I want to die, but every time I consider suicide, I can't see myself actually going through with it. So I just fucking drink some more and smoke a blunt and I feel OK for maybe a day or two, then its back to the fucking grindstone. I am so goddamn tired of doing routine activities and work, I just want to relax forever, and never wake up.

Sometimes when I'm interacting with people I feel like I am an outsider observing the situation. even now as I am typing this I feel like there are two of me and only one of them is typing this. Idk anymore
>>
>>17159934
I think society like to make nice little labels for things so we can have generalizations, but individuals take those things as hard facts and freak out about not following societies "rules".

I've heard people say sexuality is fluid. There's also crushes, infatuation, etc. that you could be feeling.
>>
in my 28 years of existence, never really dated anyone or had sex. Sure, there is that crushing loneliness, but it doesn't last long. Part of it is a result of going whole hog into my career and focusing on college. Other part is my social anxiety that was at its worst two years ago. Getting better about it, but it still lingers at the back of my mind. I ain't in a rush to get laid, since its not something important in life, but I know I'd like to find a partner in crime and maybe get my own family going in the future. At least once I get into a more stable position in life.
>>
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I think this building is toxic, there's something about it,

it's ungodly
>>
Katie, I am so so grateful for you.
I am also grateful for the fact that you eat my ass and it makes you hot. Where else would I find that?
Please don't doubt my feelings for you. You're all I could ever ask for.
>>
>>17160586
lol that retarded fatbitch at work heard her fat face got smashed in for being creepy.

>pathetic
>>
Yesterday's items, well. My name doesn't begin with G, P or C

Thanks
>>
A and B. You's are both cunts. I thought you were my friend but now i know. And yous hate me because I'm gay? That's pretty low.
>>
After that, end of friendship. We're too perfect. I can't stay away. Can I tell them we're in a relationship now..or later?...I feel we're made for each other. They're doing my head in. I need you in my bed now! I cant get you out of my head either. I love you. I really love you
>>
Can't live without him
>>
I have fallen for him
>>
I'm writing my 'final goodbye letter' to him but I'm not sure if I should just include some/all the old drafts I've written or write a completely new letter from scratch. I've written over a dozen letters to him before and some of them are on my old phone so maybe I should go through those and re-read them to see if anything from those could be good enough. Either way, it's probably not gonna be a very nice letter.
>>
I don't think we're talking about the same man, and good luck anon
>>
>>17159921
My husband shears the same thought. He got into an IT and now is creating his own games as a hobby. If u really want to do something make it a goal a reach for it. Only u have the power!
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>>17159927
Rofl she doesn't remember... You didn't hurt her. Leave it at that and move on. What's left to think about?
>>
Always got by as a slacker in school and got decent grades, finally started working and studying super hard. Didn't improve at all, can't handle stress, lost all motivation. Just feel like I'm not good enough now.
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>>17159910
Have u had sex with him? What do u love about him?
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>>17160811
(Diff anon) my ex has a hobby in designing games too and did a course in IT (can't remember the name of the actual course tho) but I agree, if you >>17159921 have a passion for it then you really should try to aspire to making it not just your passion but a goal and achievement. The gaming world is massive, let alone the behind the scenes and creation of games. You could really make something of yourself if you turned it into a goal and learned how to turn your ideas into something you and other people could enjoy.
Good luck anon!
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>>17159469
Being around family and friends is no guarantee that you will still not be lonely.
>>
I don't think I can get pregnant
>>
I really want to start a punk band, but don't know any punks in the area that can actually play an instrument, or that want to play folk punk. I have enough instruments to supply for the whole band too. Literally just need some people willing to get drunk and make shitty folk music
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>>17160862
Through a community party :-P
>>
>>17160862
I'll be in it!
Plz be in canada
>>
>>17160928
Sorry lad. I'm in California :(
>>
It feels like I'm putting the most effort into this relationship.
>>
>>17160384
I wish this was for me.
>>
The person whom I love the most left me. I'm a mess and she's fine. Found a new love apparently.
Maybe she left me for him? Hell if I know.
But this hurts too much. At first I thought "this will pass. pain is temporary.".
I'm too defeated. The more I think, the more I suffer, more I want..peace. Eternal peace.
Suicide was never in my mind, but I started to see the appeal. No more suffering. No more over thinking. No more worrying, no more imagining her in bed with someone else.
At first it was just a flash thought, something so small that I didn't pay attention to.
But the longer I suffer for, more I want it all to end.
I won't heal fast enough. I want it to be over.

I want to die.
>>
>>17160418
> I am have become cringe
>>
>>17161074
Same
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>>17160847
I know this feel girl, it's shitty.
>>
I've been pissing out my ass for two days now. This girl wants to hang out. FAAACK
>>
My biggest fear is finally landing a job and messing up or forgetting how to do something while my supervisor is lingering over my shoulder, and then getting fired.
>>
Tried smiling at and greeting random girls today, it actually worked, they actually greeted me back! i Feel very proud i was able to do it.
>>
>>17160969
I'm in California and have entertained the thought of starting a shitty rock band. I haven't played guitar in several years, but I'm sure I could pull off punk music. What part of California?
>>
>be 32
>19 year old friend has had a crush on me for 8 months, possibly longer.
>she starts hanging around me more and I started to warm up to her

The age gap is huge by my standards, she is also super innocent and is still a virgin.

I feel like a bad person even thinking about her romantically.
>>
>>17161284
I'm in south Orange County.
>>
hhahahahahah you're only being sweet and acting all lonely now because you're fucking alone

bitch

dont fucking wish me a happy birthday you fucking fake seflish piece of shit bitch
>>
In the last two months I've been producing content at a consistent pace with above average quality, but I've suddenly dried up creatively.

I know I should just relax and do some other stuff for a bit, but I want it to keep going so badly I can't stop thinking about it and that just makes it all the more frustrating.
>>
>>17161338
initials?
>>
I've had more thoughts of suicide today and yesterday than ever before.
I'm scaring myself. I don't want to feel like this.
I hate being home.
>>
I'm at my wits end with trying to get a gf. I give people 110% and get so little in return. As a guy you're expected to make the first move, to lead but I feel people don't take me seriously and just think I'm a joke.
On paper I have the dream job, a good lifestyle but in reality I've never been so close to topping myself
>>
My home life is starting to disintegrate in earnest now.

Mum hasn't worked since November because boohoo depression but I'm not going to even bother looking for a job until June but I absolutely need a job 100% because I absolutely need to pay rent, my brother is being a cunt as usual (like me having to take him to hospital about three possible broken fingers at 2100 Saturday just gone, only to be told at midnight that his fingers weren't broken. Thanks NHS), and dad just goes with the flow because he is too laid back.

I hate dogs and what does mum and dad do? Sign up with a police program to foster puppies for the police. A golden retriever puppy has been in the house for just over a week, maybe two. I cannot wait till March, which is when the golden rat leaves.

I started a new job on the 3rd, and after 7 months I'm finally starting to get my career back on track after not working in an accounts related job since 1st October (didn't officially leave until Hallowe'en as I was put on gardening leave). I really want to pass my probation (6 months, should be certain by November of a definite decision), and I need to save up for AAT courses to further my education unless I can bat my eyelids at my current company to either sponsor me or put me through an apprenticeship (not likely for either but hey early days there) as I was thinking about buying a house the other side of the country and moving far away from this shitty household.

Why do people say being an adult sucks? I fucking love it.
>>
>>17161654
>I'm not going to even bother looking for a job until June
Mum
> I absolutely need a job 100% because I absolutely need to pay rent
My job situation after I got fired from my old job even though they never actually presented the evidence against me. Yay agency work!

Just realised how badly I wrote that, oops.

And on a related note, what fucks me off about this even more is that I gave mum the number of someone who would be able to help or advise her how to get into a job field she's interested in (freelance office admin/receptionist like) back in February while I was still employed at my old job. She's done literally nothing about it since then, instead focusing on booking a holiday with mostly dads money to Lanzarote without me (I declined to go there though, so no bitterness there). They fly out oj the 26th and come back in a week, and the dog is going away.

Going to be fucking bliss.
>>
>>17160614
No actually it was her gay coworker who got caught trying to molest a kid in the men's room at a gym.
>>
>>17161338
Fuck off, I'm sweet and lovely to him because I love him. Not someone else. I wouldn't love someone being arrogant and nasty to me, who doesn't love me back
>>
All I've thought about is him and then I imagined him with me in some knitted jumper with me as the winter draws in this year, I can't fucking help it, years of feeling we belong together
>>
>>17160822

Shit this happened to me. I failed essentially failed my first year of sixth form because I didn't take it seriously, and I was awful at my first proper job I had. I'm still amazed I lasted about 10 months there.

Just see where you are going wrong and try to fix it, be it using materials or different learning techniques. That's what worked for me, as well as hindsight/experience obviously.
>>
When I was in elementary, I fell head over heels for a blonde girl. I was vocal about it and she thought I was a creep. In middle school, we became close friends, and towards the end, we had a childhood romance together. I had never been happier. However, she started cutting herself and she couldn't shake the habit. I don't know why she did it. I broke it off with her because of that. She still loved me though.

She started dating a friend of mine when we were freshmen in high school, but I didn't feel strongly about it. She broke it off with him after a few months. Some day, she told me that she had been raped. I believed her, because she had never lied to me before. My friends were kind of cunts, and they kept making fun of her around me saying that it was bullshit. People kept saying she was doing it for attention. I didn't talk with her for the rest of high school. But at the end, I reached out to her, and we became close friends again.

That's kind of a lie. I was still developing as a person, and I kept making backhanded remarks to her about her piercings, her friends, and her life. She graduated with flying colors, but she associated with shitty people and had shitty hobbies. Shitty hobbies like piercing dude's dicks at parties. Anyway, she was kind of trashy, but I still really enjoyed her. However, I couldn't fucking stop making shitty comments towards her. Lifestyle or not, she didn't deserve the way I treated her.

It came out that after a doctor's visit, she was pregnant from some other dude she was living with. She claimed he took advantage of her while she was high on painkillers. She wanted to keep the child, even though that would have fucking destroyed her life. We have never spoken again after one shitty evening that occurred due to that recent event. She had a miscarriage two weeks later. I don't fucking dare reach out again after how many times I hurt her. It just blows that it all could have been avoided if I just shut my fucking mouth.
>>
I tried kissing you and you said "not yet", then i get drunk and blurt out i like you and you tell me you want to take things slow. I don't know if this is mixed signals, you truly want to wait it out or if you are disinterested i just want an answer. I also want you to be happy even if it isn't with me, you're an amazing person and this is a dick move but if you want to be friends i am going to reject that offer. There's to many emotions running through my mind and I am weak
>>
>>17161813
About two years ago, a friend of mine pointed out that she was doing some half-naked "modeling" for a local photographer, but I didn't want to get involved with that. That's about the last I heard of her. The issue is, I think I've been chasing after brunette women for the last few years, because every time I meet a blonde with similar appearance, I just think about that girl. My dad recently divorced and is seeing another woman, whose daughter is very similar in features to that girl, so I've been recounting this story in my head with every encounter.

The final line of this story is: stepsister's pretty cute. I'd smash if she weren't in a relationship.
>>
I have herpes and genital warts but I just pretend like I don't and fuck anyway. Boom. Let the shit storm commence
>>
>>17161896
>The issue is, I think I've been chasing after brunette women for the last few years
So why the fuck am I so heavily gravitated towards latin girls after a breakup with my first girlfriend who was latin and extremely shitty?
>>
>>17161184
Lol, let it pass for now..
>>
>>17161931
Contextual elements.
>>
>>17161941
How so?
>>
>>17161941
That's extremely vague.
>>
>>17159794
Never quit homie. I definitely feel where your coming from but just know that everything you fight for makes you 100x better than those around you that don't know what it is to fight.
>>
>>17161955
>>17161951
I mean, it's hard to be much more specific.

By sheer virtue of being two different people, you and I would probably respond to being flipped off by another driver in very different ways. That's just being flipped off. So why is it that you love latin women after being treated poorly by one while I may be avoiding blonde women after treating one like shit?

Dude, beats me. But there's your answer: we are different people with different upbringings, giving us different dispositional qualities, who experienced conflict with most likely different types of people, who were also probably brought up differently, resulting in different dispositional qualities as well. People are different from one another.
>>
We're in love, he tried kissing me, it wasn't the first time we kissed, and I wanted to stay friends..I meant if we weren't going to be together. But I Do want us to be together
>>
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Didn't sleep this week. Pulling another all-nighter for a test tomorrow morning.
Took wrong med yesterday night and that one was hellish, still got work done though (somehow, half-consciously).
Now i'm just trying to make it another 18 hours or so till i can collapse on other meds and black out for 48, then it's gonna be back in the saddle.

I want to say i'm "barely hanging on" or "at the end of my rope" but i'm not.
I can take much more. I've endured and will endure more work with worse pain on less sleep with less sanity.
But I don't know how or why.
Just can't give up, I guess. Giving up isn't in my capabilities, i can't do it.
Can't relax, can't rest either. Can't stop working. Compulsions.

At least i've seen a little improvement on social anxiety with these meds. Maybe soon i'll manage to pin down the problem and become a functional human being for good. That'll be worth the pain, i think. At least I really hope so.
>>
I am mad, mad at myself for giving up my friends, coworkers, and family moments for you and yet you still get angry and the tiniest things. Sad part is leaving you won't ever get them back so I stay with you because I have invested too much.
>>
When I start overthinking, and my mind starts racing like I always do, like a fucking idiot, I feel like I have to go talk to her RIGHT NOW. As if the chance is fleeting, like there's a sense of impending doom. I hate this cancer.
>>
So excited about him cumming over, running my hands through his dark, thick hair, kissing me, fingering and licking my soaking pussy, while I rub and suck his big hard cock...having him shoot his hot cum over my big tits, into my gold hair, and down my throat. I can't wait!
>>
>>17159456
God bless you anon

LDRs are absolute cancer and so are people who threaten to kill themselves just because of a relaionship that's gonna end. I know because I experienced both sides and fuck that,you deserve someone better than this.
>>
>>17162100
Fuck you
>>
I reignited a spark with an old fling because I was bored and she's become a total whore with a victim complex because she's fat so she feels entitled to any and every guy because Tumblr has absolutely warped her mind.

This shit was completely revealed to me when she told me about her Twitter and it was filled with gross nudes and creepy tweets that give off a "rape" vibe. If a guy was posting this shit he would be on a watch-list.


The worst part is that she was lovely when we were talking and after becoming a born-again Christian I thought she would still be her same old self but I was completely wrong and when I tried talking to her about it, I said that I was her friend and she completely bit my head off, probably because I "friendzoned" her. I couldn't get my point across because she was too busy arguing over nothing.

It feels bad shitting on someone that I used to like but she's just become really bitter and just a horrible person in general.

I haven't bothered with her since.
>>
>>17159435
I'm scared of solipsism. I also have OCD so the anxiety is multiplied by a billion.
>>
I just told him it's over. My hands are shaking.
>>
>>17162144
Damn, this used to be me pretty much. As always, the object of the obsession changes, but there's not much I can say to provide relief. don't take nitrous or other weird drugs though you junkie
>>
>>17161070
You don't want to die. You want this weak part of yourself to die. You deserve to live and to find other women who want you, because you're the shit man. You ARE. It's just clouded behind the deep mess in your thoughts. Don't allow yourself down this hole, anon. It's not what you want, nor what you're here for.

>>17161295
It's fucking natural to like girls that are younger. And you can probably be a super first time for her. You're the man. Go and open her up, it will make her life and yours better as long as you don't fall into -being ashamed -being addicted, and she doesn't either. Work it out. Talk with her about it. Communication is key.

>>17161363
if you can't stop thinking about it, snap out of it and do it, even if it's not average quality, just do what you want to do, you've done awesome so far, you don't need to do it all perfectly

>>17161593
go out and talk to random people
don't nourish suicidal thoughts. you are what you think. change your thoughts you change your being. do something, it will change your mind, it will be busy doing something and not thinking about suicide. watch motivational stuff. go to therapy.
>>17161813
stop shutting your mouth, open it up, but don't be a condescendent motherfucker with her if she's so broken inside, just chill, don't judge, cuz if you have the feels when you think about her, you better not shut your mouth and help her get her life together, if yours is, and if you don't care, then let her be
>>17161887
at least you know your limits. but if you know you're weak, start working towards getting strong, so that she falls for you and you don't even have to ask or anything
>>17161897
motherfucker use condoms
>>17162031
tell him
>>17162053
meds won't help in the long run
please start trying to enjoy sleeping
it's when your conscious makes love to your unconscious
treat yourself well, you have one life, don't overdo or you'll die early, congrats with improving social anxiety, but don't put it on the meds
>>
I am literally beginning to hate my job, but I can't quit because it's only source of income. I just wish I could go back to being a NEET, or at least have a job that I didn't dread going to so much.
>>
I've been a fucking victim throughout my life
A fucking people pleaser
Also I judge people and my inner critique is fucking killing me slowly
I lost the love of my life due to my insecurities
I'm a fearful, passive guy
But I know I'm also fucking brave
I love being by myself when this shitstorm in my head isn't here and I feel good about myself
I love adventures and I love improving myself
I've been all theory no practices for years
I talk and talk and talk and never do shit
This has undermined my ability to enjoy my current life
I fucking self fulfilled the internalized prophecy of me being not enough
And am tired of it
I'm not humble though I sure like to think I am
I LIE TO MYSELF ALL THE TIME
I want to help everyone
But I don't help myself
I want to fuck all day
But I act like I don't have a dick around girls
I simultaneously love porn and am disgusted by my addiction to it
I want to be happy, but I don't let myself be
I find reasons to procrastinate and to not do the things I HAVE to do, or want to do, or need to do
I feel smart but I'm just dumb when I act
I'm obsessive, compulsive and a perfectionnist and am tired of it
But still, I bathe in my own shit and seem to not want to step out of it
I'm afraid of living, I'm afraid of myself and others, I fear LIFE, because it's a fucking huge responsibility
BUT I KNOW I HAVE ALL THE OPPORTUNITIES AT REACH AND JUST NEVER SEEM TO SEIZE THEM
That boy needs therapy.
>>
>>17162174
You can't quit because you don't think you can find something else
Start looking for something else
AND QUIT
You deserve to work in a place where you feel at ease
The longer you stay the worst you will feel
Start looking for other opportunities and nourishing the mindset that this is only temporary because you're working towards getting into a better situation
opportunities will come to you in this way
and you will seize them
>>
>>17162167
>please start trying to enjoy sleeping
Never been able to. Even from the day i was born, my ma and grandma always had trouble putting me to sleep. Would rock me for hours and switch like shifts.

Tried everything i can think of. All the normal shit like sleep hygiene, and about 8 before-bed medications from different classes, not to mention the supplements.
Got diagnosed with narcolepsy (type 2) at 17 (massive narcoleptic abnormalities on PSG and MSLT, REM sleep starts immediately and lasts all night).

My guess? Some yet-unknown defect in the brain causing this shit.

>>17162184
Yep, long way to say "I have serious anxiety issues".
>>
I spend most of my day at work and college, and what free time I have is consumed by my family, most of whom are a foot into the grave. I'm expected to drive them around and nag at them to take care of shit they should be doing on their own and none of them appreciate it because they're crotchety old people.

I'm becoming an angrier person, I decompress by venting when driving long isolated roads during my commute. I rarely have any time to myself, my main vice is being able to watch a chunk of a documentary with a few beers.

Short of telling them to fuck off I'm not sure what I should do. I'm tempted to transfer to a college further away and go no contact at times, but when I calm down I remember that's an unrealistic solution.
>>
>>17162184
Lol total infj. Welcome my friend. Use this knowledge to guide you and tackle your inner intuition and outter feelinga
>>
I'm scared to tell my dad that I failed a class but my commencement is tomorrow--I can't graduate with that grade...I know he'll be super disappointed in me and start yelling.

Someone please tell me to man up.
>>
My first sexual experience was with my sister when I was 7 or 8 years old
She sucked my dick and we tried to put it in her
It happened only once and we never talked about it afterwards
Also its at that time that I typed 'sex' on google for the first time, with her
I then printed and brought pictures of girls getting fucking rolling pins in the ass to school
to show it to my friend
some older dude saw it and told the adult watching the playground
I hid in the toilet and cried hard and was so fucking ashamed
I think this has had a big impact on me but I have absolutely no clue how to deal with it
Also I downloaded CP when I was 13 and MY MOM SAW IT. I found her deleting the files on my computer in my room, CRYING, and we never talked about it
I WAS SO FUCKING ASHAMED
How the hell can I deal with this shit, I have no idea how much effect it has on me
>>
>>17162184

This is me.
>>
>>17162164
One conclusion I've come to is that while there's no way to prove it isn't true, there's also no way to prove it IS true. Am I correct?
>>
>>17162201
Actually INFP though the first time I did the test I was INFJ
>>
I miss my friend.
Why can't she still be alive?
Everything is so fucked up.
>>
>>17162207
Man the fuck up
>>
>>17162158
It's ok deep breath, and remember you did it for your happiness.
>>
>>17162207
Own your shit. You don't live for your dad. The pressure he put on you probably undermined your intrinsic motivation. You have to start living as if he's dead, meaning, he doesn't have any right to put pressure on you. Man up and start living for yourself. Tell him and his disappointment and yells shall nourish your inner man by stepping up to it and not internalizing it. You can do it, anon. And you can succeed at your studies, if you give yourself the means to do it, and you don't do it for daddy.
>>
>>17162100
Hehe I just did this to. Love morning sex. His hot cum is inside me and a little dripped out my pussy, he pushed it back inside gave it a kiss and said make me a daughter or son. Love the baby making process. Super horny for more!
>>
>>17162208
>How the hell can I deal with this shit, I have no idea how much effect it has on me
If you don't know what effect its had, how do you know it's deeply hurt your emotional development?
If you really think it has, go see a therapist that specializes in childhood sexual trauma.

>>17162201
>>17162210
Often people just seem to use the MBTI types as a cheap proxy for more specific explanations like how INFJ and INTJ seem to often be "intelligent girls (inFj) and guys (inTj) with interpersonal attachment difficulties"
I test INTJ for reference, but i identify very well with most of the INFJ memes and shit people post on eg pinterest.
>>
>>17162077
Overthinking is the worst thing and the hardest thing to stop. Maybe try wrighting your feelings down and reflect on them when necessary. It helped me, maybe it will help u?
>>
>>17162207
That was my fucking nightmare a week ago. Lowest grade was a B though. Well. If it wasn't an essential class, you fucked up, but you're not a fuck up. If I failed to graduate because of some stupid humanities credit or something like that, I'd still have considered myself graduated.

If I failed my seminar course, I'd be a fucking retard. You feel me? Did you fuck up like that?
>>
>>17162271
It was a math course required for my major. I've always been terrible at math, even as I coast through my comp sci related courses.

>>17162230
>>17162238
thanks. I'll force myself to do it tonight, he deserves to know before the commencement actually happens.
>>
>>17162261
I've done that. I still do. I find that coming on here and venting does the best job though.
>>
>>17159440
That's how I feel about sleeping. I think a 30 hour day would work better for me.
>>
>>17162201
I also get infp but the way you describe yourself its def infj.
>>
>>17162167
Hey.
>>17161070 here.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm really a mess. I've disappointed a lot of people with how I am. An egocentric, lying bastard. I've recently made peace with very good friends of mine that I lost around 10 years ago, due to these habits.
My wife left me for several reasons, some of which may still be unknown to me.
My best friend recently cut off all contact with me because I kept hurting her with how I am.

I hate how I am. I need to change. Or I need to die.

This hurts too much. I want her, she doesn't want me.
>>
>>17162390
Hey
>>17162167
>>17162184
Here
Also >>17161437 here
I feel you, man, as of right now I'm constantly thinking about my girlfriend who has lost interest in me bit by bit as I clenched on to her and felt so desperately needy for her to make me feel good again
How would you go about changing ?
Have you seen a therapist ?
Do you have someone in your life which could help you get through this ?
Are you really willing to get better ? Because I know I sure like to be drowned like I am and feel miserable, and complain, and feel like the world was trying to get me, and that I'm a worthless, but yet, I haven't always felt like that and know it's temporary, and that I need to get through this, but the easyness of holding on to her is so tempting, I always fall back into it, and it makes everything so worse, I kind of am desperate too, but I don't think about anything remotely close to suicide, I know I will be happy again, and I need to get myself to the point where I don't feel pain anymore because there'd no point feeling pain, I think it will happen through 'letting go', I think I'd need to get some therapy because the fact that I'm alone now is only a symptom of my inner loneliness, of my inner issues which I put into a blindspot for years, and which are all coming to the surface at the same time. It's tough, and I can't seem to see any light at the end of the tunnel as of right now, but I've seen it sometimes, I've felt okay with myself, and then fell back into feeling like a mess, I need to get my shit together and start loving myself once again, and once and for all, this is the best opportunity to do so, it's only when you lost everything that you can gain everything, I need to find my core values and act on them, I want to do good in this world, and it would be an insult to life itself to let myself down so long over issues like this when there is literally tons of opportunities to get better, for starters, being honest about everything. Gotta love ourselves
>>
>>17162449
there'd be no point
If she got married with you in the first place it's because you were worthy of her, and you are worthy all together
I think we need to stop hanging on to them and start getting our shit together
It hurts so fucking bad, though in the midst of this pain we can find true happiness back I think
Let's get on doing shit we love, and not trying to supress, repress, express our hurt but process it to transform it into progress and change, stop letting ourselves down, it's the default mode and it's easy to do so, the hard thing is to live through the pain and get over it over time without looking back at our mistakes, but understanding the lesson and applying the resulting behaviors that present themselves as being what has to be, what needs to be
>>
>>17159435
I know I broke up with him, I know it was the right thing for me to do too because our relationship was an awful burden. but I still love him and I miss him so much and it's taking all of my effort not to text him right now because I just want to talk to him and see him in person again but I hurt his feelings too much, I know he won't even text me back
every time I drive by his house I get damn near close to crashing my car trying to see if he's outside reading or taking pictures. I saw his dad last night and he smiled at me, that was weird. I know he misses me too.
I really wanna text him.
>>
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>>17162201
>>17162260
>>17162385
>>17162184 here
See image
I don't think I'm an INFJ, I dream too much and even though I'm serious when I plan things I really spent much time dreaming instead of acting
Maybe smoking pot for 6 years have made me dream more than I used to, but still, why would you think what i'm saying sounds like infj and not infp ?
>>
>>17162518
>I don't think I'm an INFJ
Nobody IS, deep inside, any of these types. They're test results, and the test doesn't measure intrinsic qualities directly (though it does indirectly).
When we look at that pic, we say you tested as an INFP-T.
The test results are somewhat useful since they can predict things: eg people who test with Is and Ts are more likely to be mentally ill than Es and Fs.

We can also make subjective/opinion-based conclusions: if you test INTP you're more likely to browse anonymous imageboards, if you test INFP you're probably a good person, if you test ISTJ you're not very fun at parties, etc.

Those with some psychological background can go further: to me your result of INFP-T is exactly as expected based on your description in your first post.
Results that are opposite of expected typically indicate cluster-B issues (people with such issues are usually cripplingly bad at judging their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors).
If you had tested ESTJ i would have been worried.
The high P and T scores indicate that you're indecisive as fuck, again consistent with what you're saying.

We can compare people, too. For example, you'd probably get along well and share a lot of feels with the INFJs that posted: the big difference is that they would be more decisive and more goal-oriented rather than process-oriented like you. Pic related is mine, for example.

Ultimately, it doesn't tell us a lot of deep shit. If you get your life in order, you will join those other anons at INFJ eventually. Other than that, it's just who you are. Idealistic, indecisive, optimistic, energetic, pushover, etc.

>I'm obsessive, compulsive and a perfectionnist
That doesn't match your score, or the rest of your description, at all.
Think about that.
Why would you say you have these traits when you report and test as having the exact opposite?
How are they expressed? In ways the aren't obvious, aren't tested?
>>
>>17162164
Please help me. I'm so scared. I don't want to be alone.
>>
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my marriage is on the rocks, i have no career, i can't finish my grad thesis. if these pills don't help to turn my life around, i'll end it all.
>>
so fucking scared and anxious if I chose the right guy, the right studies, the right country to live in; super jealous of random people I see on Facebook for no good reason

should probably deactivate Facebook desu, but by now I'm in many study etc. groups important for real life, and decisions are made in these Facebook groups

also it can be fun from time to time and the best way of keeping up with friends from another country
>>
I feel at ease with the complex and yet simple inevitability of physical death. I think there has been at least 100 billion human deaths (and counting) so far from what i had read somewhere a while back, so I'm not afraid of dying in all honesty. Besides, whats new?
>>
I'm a horny girl, but I'm in the middle of my first herpes outbreak. I've been masturbating 2+ times a day since most of the pain subsided. I wanna be fucked so bad. Having herpes sucks.
>>
>>17162715
being a horny slut is what sucks.

You wouldn't have the herps if you weren't.
>>
I've been stealing little kids underwear to masturbate with. I'm teriffied my parents will catch me
>>
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I hate the world, myself and the very concept of existence, I am so lonely it physically hurts yet I am too much of a pathetic pussy to even try to approach a woman with any intention whatsoever, I drink way too much and I want to kill myself every day
>>
>>17162725
Haha, you're so sweet! I don't get around. It was actually my partner that did. And he used protection. How about that? :)
>>
I just sit here bleeding out while the world is spinning around and a part of me feels like its missing, its cold, its dark and I'm out of energy. Escaping like air at the bottom of the ocean everything keeps moving and I'm just standing here pan handling for a shred of progress but I keep walking circles and forgetting where I began. I've watched this forest get planted and grow, I've watched it get chopped down for housing developments and yet I've stayed irrelevant. Hoping for just a spec of star dust to make my mark on the area around me I've neglected the other parts of this machine and now they are rusty. Putting pressure on the gates till they budge but all that will accomplish is a flood. Hiding out in the basement, the party upstairs still goes on and Its funny how I complain about all these problems yet my life is moving right along. I'm coated in gold so when you see me I look valuable but on the inside its lead and when you break in you'll realize I'm worthless so let me die cold and alone where I've always been and when you read my eulogy you'll know where I am, right where you found me.
>>
I live with three women. Two of them are an engaged lesbian couple, one is straight and will invite guys over to sleep with her.

I'm very sexually frustrated constantly and I wish there was a way to kill my libido completely. I hate feeling so horny constantly.
>>
>>17161295
How funny, I happen to be a 19 y/o female that finds older men attractive. Don't feel bad about your attraction, and don't let others make you feel bad about it either. I feel like older men would shy away from me because I'm really short, and have a baby face; I once got told I look like I'm 12. Are men not allowed to be attracted to me because I look young to others? No. But I've rambled a bit. Good luck Anon, only you truly know what you want.
>>
>>17162852
I love younger looking ladies. Especially petite ones. There is a difference between "looking" young and "being" young.

A lady can have a youthful appearance but still obviously be older. I'm an artist. I'm known for painting sexy ladies. I paint a lot of petite women with youthful features "Big eyes, button nose, little chin, small breasts" and I get a lot of shit from it. I'm 29. Girls that are larger/older/whatever are the ones that bitch about my art. However, girls that have petite bodies love it. They love that a guy can find them beautiful even though though don't have bodacious and curvy bodies.

I don't know. I like those type of girls. My ex was really tiny as well. I'm always wanting to ask petite ladies out or to paint them.
>>
I hate the way I'm being treated lately. I know the arrangement isn't serious, but goddamn, I shouldn't have to beg him to watch me cum. I hate that my messages are being ignored and if he keeps this up, I don't see the point of talking to him. Fuck. Now I'm sexually frustrated.
>>
>>17162872
Forgot to mention but I happen to look like a teenager myself when I do shave. I have long hair and a girly as fuck babyface.
>>
>>17161295
Another young femanon and this age gap would honestly be ideal for me.
>>
>>17162885
Why don't I know of any you girls then.

A young petite girl with tiny breasts is idea for me. I tend to only attract the complete opposite however. Tall, curvy, big breasted women. Even the asians that have been into me were as tall as I am (5'11")
>>
>>17162911
I'm 5'3, but unfortunately, I'm very womanly. I have a dirty pen pal around your age and even though I don't really fit the loli body type, we still rp that kind of idea.
>>
>>17162872
Hey Anon, girl you responded to. I'm glad to hear that those women don't deter you! Keep doing what you do. I hate when people try to censor art, a venue for self-expression. Personally, I don't mind if guys aren't attracted to me. It's totally fine to prefer a more "womanly" woman. But to refer to the men who are attracted to me as "pedophiles" in an attempt to shame them? For what purpose do they do this? That behavior disgusts me.

I'd be interested in looking at your art, if you'd like to share, Anon.
>>
I want to sock that arrogant old fart in his goddamn Glass Joe ass jaw for dicking around with my time next time he pulls that bullshit.
>>
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>>17163009
My ex hated my art. She would give me shit about it all the fucking time how they were all "underage". Despite a lot of the models or reference being in their mid 20s
>>
After a week and some of no contact u see you again this time post breakup and I still love you, I still feel we make a great couple. And I know you care about me and loved me. But you say you are incapable of loving . And it hurts so. Much that you know I did nothing wrong. That I gave you my all, my purest form of love , sacrificing alot. learned from my mistakes in last relationship.and yet .. And yet I still lost.. You said love wasn't enough. I feel worthless,i feel defeated. I feel like I wish I never existed..I love you so much.
>>
>>17162211
>>17162639
sorry man, was away. There is no way to disprove it. This is the case with all OCD though, as I'm sure you know. The improbable chance of what you fear being true is enough to make you irrationally pursue it. Certainty is impossible when you have OCD, simply, for the object of it. I really don't think there's anything I can say to alleviate it. It's probably best to try to foster some permanence or perfection in another area of your life though as a distraction, to give you something you CAN be sure of
>>
>>17163086
Initials?
>>
>>17163121
oh yeah, no way to disprove OR prove it. it's pretty simple, if you're going to see experience from an existential perspective, you are going to have to accept a measure of detachment of yourself and "the world outside." But this gap can be breached with practice, I think.
>>
>>17163082
Wow, beautiful work Anon, pretty solid if I do say so myself. Maybe one day your ex will realize how dumb she was regarding the subject matter of your art.
>>
I have no idea what I want to do for a career. I'm 19 and living in a college town and I feel like everyone is lightyears ahead of me. I'm interested in programming and writing but I just feel so behind.
>>
>>17163121
Certainty is impossible whether you have OCD or not. Therefore, OCD results from an inability to handle a lack of delusion. You can take a more mechanistic approach and describe features associated with OCD in a low level neurological sense, but the above is what it really boils down to.

Certainty is impossible. Every element you accept into your logical framework could be wrong, misframed, incomplete, etc. Therefore, belief can only be a framework wherein all elements are inherently uncertain and weighted by apparent probability, while controlling for known and to an extent, known possible unknown, sources of error. Iterate over time and develop heuristics to better assess most abstract "macro" concepts.

Barring mehanical problems, there goes your OCD. Ask yourself some questions. Maybe your memory is incorrect? Maybe you contracted x disease. Maybe, maybe, maybe.... and so what? Really, so what? What can you do about any of it? For the most part, nothing. Except learning to wait and see, and adapt accordingly. Eventually the anxiety will fade and cease to occur. It will now be truly near empty in meaning, rather than only superficially seeming to be.
>>
>>17163225
>Certainty is impossible whether you have OCD or not
of course, by "certainty" I mean the illusion of certainty, not certainty itself. But yeah, small point.
>>
I hate myself, I always manage to fuck things up, I got no motivation to get my shit togheter, the only things that I enjoy will lead me to nothing, I have suicidal toughts pretty often, I think my family would have been better without me.
>>
Due to crazy circumstances I'm finally forced to become an adult at 28. I'm scared out of my fucking mind.
>>
I fell out of love with you a long time ago. Now this is the part where I get used to not having you around. This is the end for us and the start of my life without you. Your constant need for their acceptance and approval is disgusting. I logged in for lulz and saw your ridiculous barrel roll fingers at her and the way you act like some endearing cartoon jock. You're none of those things and I'm the mirror that reminds you what you really are. Go be false with them and stay the fuck away from me you weird false barely human freak. When I said real... I meant real. I hope all the confusion and all the pain you put me through come flooding into your mind and life all at once. I sincerely hope for you to feel it deeply. But you won't because you're a deluded sociopath without a conscience but one day, I know it'll come back and haunt you. And for that fact, I'm content.
>>
I feel as though I've mentally regressed, or shifted back into a state that I use to be in quite a lot. Used to be the default. It's slightly different now, feels more peaceful, but functionally, more or less the same at its core.

I don't know what to say. It's as though I'm an empty shell. I don't know if this is a shell personality of some sort, or some sort of stripped down core self. Never could properly understand. Nonetheless, I open my mouth and strange things come out. I just watch it happen. I stumble through my sentences if I have to directly interact. There is nothing inside, I have no means or faculty for choice, nor anything to choose. Things move in a straight line. I can't choose from a spectrum of responses, things just happen. I can't even describe it, and assessing and conveying my state on both an abstract and functional sense is something I usually have the means to be decent at.

If someone said hello to me, I would have literally nothing to say. I can't generate a response because my capacity for theory of mind is crippled. There is no branching and there is no fluidity. It is not always this way. The best way to put it is that I can't make connections of any kind. Not conceptual, not interpersonal, not internally. None. There is no means building or building mental structures.

I feel like I have a spike driven through my head. It's anxiety. Ancillary, but not primary. I just want to die. I know I can't do it. Haven't drank in years, bought some vodka today. The guy told me to leave my backpack at the door, before I knew it my mouth said "just anywhere around here?" Obviously superfluous, and as though I even give a fuck what he thinks to begin with. I don't know if I'm just the wrong kind of depressed or what the hell's wrong with me. I've been trying to calm down and reconcile anxiety, maybe find a new way to be the same thing or even a new thing if that's even possible. But bit by it, it all comes back.
>>
>There is no means building or building mental structures.
There are* no means for bridging* or building mental structures.
>>
If I was killed off where no one would find my body i wouldn't mind. have been failed in so many things & so many levels that I'm afraid to set goals for myself. Just given up on everytihng. I expect parents to disown me in upcoming weeks. Will live as hobo for a while. wither away to nothingness. die of starvation or something.
>>
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>>17163196
Thanks, anon.

The funny thing is that my ex met me through my art stream. She absolutely loveeeddd my art when she met me. She lied about a lot of shit. She is one of those kind of people that have no interests of their own and will completely change their personality to match the man she is with. When she cheated on me she changed from a depressed introvert artist to loving parties, drinking, smoking, sports, socializing, didn't care for art or video games anymore. Just a completely different person in a span of a week.
>>
I know I'm permanently changed, and not in a good way either. What I'm worried about is if I will ever find happiness greater than what I found in her. I'm so fucking stupid.

She resorted to saying it was all fake/forced etc. I know to a degree it's true but it was more her "trying" rather than forcing. I truth, she was happy and all her feelings were real. That what happens when you try.

She's skewing her feelings and making it seem like it was all shit. It's so sad. Hey, so what if you "forced" it? That doesn't mean what you felt wasn't real. You were happy. You fucking bitch.

Guess what? I tried too. I can't say I really ever loved you that much. From the moment I saw you, I thought to myself "I can do better than her. She's a great person, but I deserve much better."

For the first month it was me agonizing over you because I didn't feel anything. I almost broke up with you twice because I felt so bad that you loved me so much and I wasn't returning it. Why didn't I? Because I wanted to try. And so I did. I did and I ended up loving you. You don't see me throwing it in your face and using it as ammunition, do you? No.

This is all so fucked up. And I'm not talking about "It was supposed to be like this".
>>
>>17163440
If she sucks that bad, right now, you probably dodged a bullet. Feeling betrayed and thrown out by someone you thought you liked is awful, but that's just how it can work out.

Could have been worse if you became more invested than you are already.
>>
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I wasted four years of my life on my first relationship with a woman that didnt grow me in any way shape or form, she weakened me; its been six and a half months since our breakup yet i still feel dead inside not physically but emotionally. I cant fall in love anymore even if i know in my heart i adore a woman subconsciously i feel anger and indifference toward them this has become a problem i have lost my ability to empathize, trust and fall again and i need to get help for it or im going to lose my damn mind. Ive already gotten over her in a sense but i haven't gotten over what the relationship did to me how do you get over something like that? How do you ever forgive yourself?
>>
>>17163474
I was ridiculously invested. It's been an awful recovery and I'm still not done. We didn't recently break up. It's been a while.

What I hate is that no, I don't think I dodged a bullet. She was young and has a lot of growing up to do but I can tell she has a good heart. I was down to go through all the shit I would have to in order to stay with her. It would've sucked, but I think it would have been fulfilling in the end even if she didn't change.

One bad point about her is that she really doesn't want to change. She insists on staying the same person and never changing. As if she thinks she's perfect or something. I don't know if that's something that would change but I was down to find out.
>>
>>17163502
Give it time. 6 months to four year is nothing. You need time for this. I believe you won't even be feeling the
> Ive already gotten over her in a sense but i haven't gotten over what the relationship did to me how do you get over something like that? How do you ever forgive yourself?

Part in a few months. Your feelings will keep changing. Yeah, I felt that too. It sucks. How the fuck do you forgive yourself? As you give it time, you'll think more about it and come to more realizations and you'll get the answer. Even when you think you've found it, or you feel better, you might realize something else. You might feel great one second then awful the next. You might feel good then even better. You might crash like crazy. It sucks, and yeah, you always feel like you'll be going crazy, but don't worry, you will not always feel like this.
>>
>>17163502
>I wasted four years of my life on my first relationship with a woman that didnt grow me in any way shape or form
Lol...you may feel weakened in many way, and dead, and all that bad stuff, just like I do, but do you REALLY fucking think she didn't grow you in any way? I think you're crazy. Believe me, I can relate to what you're saying. I've been broken and broken by her and then broken again when there were already a million dull pieces, and I feel like shit a lot, but I can FEEL and see the growth and change she gave to me all the time. I see it in so many ways, both good and bad.
>>
I'm gonna make this last night hot. You have done many terrible things to me, so I'm not sure why I would do something good for you, but I will. One last night and I'll make it blow your mind.
>>
>>17159435
You fucking. Stupid. White trash. Slut.

All you do at work is fucking complain about your job.

Everyone thinks you're annoying. You talk way too fucking much.

I'm usually pretty good at not letting people get on my nerves but holy fucking shit. My blood boiled tonight.

Go ahead and tell the surpervisor what you said you were gonna say. She likes me better than you anyways.

Your head is so far up your fucking ass.

I hope you get into a fucking car accident and die or something.

You stupid fucking bitch.
>>
>>17163528
That's the best way to go out. Not in a bad way, even if they don't deserve it, but in a good way.
>>
>>17163542
Someone has to be a willing net negative on the world to have wishing them dead be justified. Think about what you're saying.
>>
>>17163548
Yeah to be honest with you I thought about it while I was at work. I kept thinking about how I wanted her to get into some kind of tragic accident and DIE.

And then. I thought about how much I didn't really care. I thought about how insignificant her life, or anyone's life, really is.

I thought about this for a while then I realized.

I really wanted her fucking dead.
>>
My father likely had a very different form of visual snow than me, as did my grandmother. When I drink alcohol it intensifies the afterimages and trails off of objects, but years ago when I mentioned to him as though it was the typical drunken experience, he didn't seem to know what I was talking about.

I'm talking about how when you move your head, or field of vision, all their "frames" seem to be blurred together. Feedback? Visual snow is thought to be via hypermetabolism in the left lingual gyrus and right anterior cerebellum.
>>
You're an idiot. You're an idiot and I feel bad for you. You're such an idiot I won't even bother explaining why because you're such an idiot.

I'm on the bad end though. This is all in your favor. You're not the one hurting, I am. But I feel bad for you still. Not for all those other vain, almost meaningless reasons people usually mention like "I deserve better, I'm a better person" etc, although I could use those.

Nope. I feel bad for you because you on your own are ruining memories that you genuinely cherished. Memories that were valuable and brought you a lot of happiness. You are ruining them through your own idiotic thoughts. You're running everything into the dirt.

At this point, it's not hurting me, it's hurting you. I still get to look back with a smile on my face, but regret and a scar on my heart, but now you look back with false beliefs that bring you nothing but unhappiness. Perhaps that will go away in the future, but for now, you're hurting yourself.
>>
>>17163556
imagine her dying, and then imagine having to meet with anyone who cared about her. Saying you wanted her dead to their faces. Imagine saying it to her and the finding out later that it really happened.

You might think you'd feel fine, but deep down, you wouldn't. Acknowledge this and move on. The machinery of the human mind can be tweaked to function in many ways, but there are limits. At these points it become repression and self delusion, which ultimately harms you far more than she ever did.
>>
I really wish. You would. Come. Back. Into my arms.

Just so I could have you there. Just so I could feel happy again. There's nothing more I want than to just have you there again. To hear your voice. To feel your touch. I could do without everything else, believe me.
>>
It takes ~1/3 of what it used to, to get me drunk. This guy tried to parrot to me some bullshit they told him in alcoholic counseling about ethanol tolerance not existing. I called him on it and all he could say was "the science isn't on your side." Will probably never forget that, in a good way. Though it irritated me at that time. I was too drunk to get bother getting into it.
>>
>>17163561
I would walk up to her fucking parents.

I would say to them.

You raised a fucking fat slut.

and THEN. I'd go to my supervisor...and tell her that I wished for her to die.

And then...I'd take pictures from the funeral that I will DELIBERATELY GO TO...and post them here on fucking 4chan.
>>
>>17163572
Oh. Okay.

Death isn't as trivial as you think. You won't ever (re)realize this until it's too late.
>>
>>17163571
Oh, I ate kava too. That's probably why.
>>
>>17163575
You just take life and death a little too seriously.

Look down at your feet next time you're outside.

Look at the ants.

Think about how big and small everything is at the same time.

You and me? We're both gonna die.
>>
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>>17163559
>I know better than you
>I know what you're feeling better than you

Get over yourself.

I've had an ex say the same shit you're saying now. It's like no those memories arent valuable. They were shit. Ill pretend you are her for a minute here.

You made my life a living hell from day one. Having to worry about whether or not you're entertained enough all day while I worked while you sat on your fat ass doing nothing the entire time. For years. Just doing nothing. Constantly giving me shit because you were a jealous cunt that never bettered yourself and blamed me for it. For years I held on to the belief you would get better. That you would actually try to work for once rather than browse instagram & tumblr for 12 hours a day. That you would get over your bullshit insecurities that made my life so miserable. But no. I was an idiot.

You didn't do shit while I was at work. Didn't study, didn't train, didn't work, and didn't do any of the chores except the occasional cleanup every other friday. I would work all day to come home to a messy home and get bickered at for hours. You bitched and moaned I never did anything romantic but that was clearly a fucking lie. I was the only one to put forth any type of romantic gestures. I planned all kinds of dates for us. Dinners, movies, shopping, going to the park, holiday events, gifts, flowers, everything. I was constantly finding things would could do together. I bought video games we could play with together, I bought documentaries to watch with you, board games, an entire computer to play games. Sports equipment to play catch. Equipment for the animals. Everything I did, I did it with you in my thoughts. In the end, you threw it all away so you could suck someone else's dick and tell everyone how badly I treated you.

So no, fuck you. Those memories sucked. They could have been nice if you actually bettered yourself but nope. You waited for something else to come along and take care of you so you wouldn't have to.
>>
>>17163582
I'm well aware. As I write, the ethanol in my gut is committing killing bacteria in my gut by the thousands while others still simply turn it into acetic acid. Conflict and competition seems to be an intrinsic feature of the universe itself, at least on our scale. That's just how it works.

Trivializing death is to embrace a false truth. Yes you think you see the bigger picture. We're all machines within an even grander machine, it's dualistic. for anything to live others must die, etc. You ignore that you have a degree of control, and you're ignoring how the machinery of your mind, and that of others, actually functions. You might rationalize it away. You might say everyone is responsible for themselves. But that just isn't so, there is more to it. People have a finite capacity to self regulate and control their own experience, imagine if everyone you met directly went out of their way to treat you like complete shit. You might harden yourself, you'd get good at taking it, but it would still be awful and it would eventually be hard. It comes down to a framework of value, and being honest and realistic about how things ought to be.

You and me are both limited machines. Just like the ants, just like the bacteria, and just like your coworker.
>>
>>17163597
And you 2 minutes it took for you to type those sentences would cease to matter anyways.

We are alive and I appreciate that. I appreciate the deep hatred I feel towards my coworker. And I appreciate the resentment I hold towards myself and others that speak to me. But in the end...
>>
>>17163609
Whatever man. You obviously care about your own experience, I'm just saying you're wasting your mindspace with other people deserving to die. Unless you're going to get rid of 'em yourself, best off just moving on and inhibiting their stupid behavior in the future.
>>
>>17163617
I'm sorry man I'm just pissed. I love you.
>>
I felt like putting a bullet in every panda that wouldn't screw to save it's species.
>>
Did you just forget to unfollow my main blog, or was it on purpose?
You did unfollow my secondary, so why not my main. Especially as that's the one that should be even less interesting to you.
Well, but I guess I post so rarely you simply might not have noticed.
>>
>>17162113
Haha
>>
I miss you, you're the only one I love through all these years. We were friends, but truly I love you and long to hold you in my arms again. To lay on your chest and rest with you. D, I love you so much
>>
>>17163545
Yeah.. Fucking sucks. They want a "perfect final goodbye" on this perfect night during this perfect festival in the city coming up soon, and I feel so excited by the idea of having this experience with them, but.. It's a goodbye... Cause we hurt eachother badly. But he refused to acknowledge anything bad he's done, he can seem to reason it out in his mind, and having a reason to do something bad doesn't make it right, but to him it does, and even in the mean time he made a fake account pretending to be me and has said so many terrible things... I don't understand him anymore. He showed me a side to him that I didn't think existed, and I don't wanna believe it exists. But fuck it, I guess I gotta make sure this is a good night. If not for him then for me, I just.. I realised I don't want it to be a goodbye anymore, which sound so pathetic after all he's put me through.. I can barely stand it, don't know what to do anymore.
>>
>>17163557
Asking again.
>>
The fact that you're so smug about leaving really pisses me off. You're a lazy nothing with no ambition and a superiority complex. You think because you helped your mom through her addiction that you can help your boyfriend too. He's going to hurt you. Or rob you. Or kill you. And none of us will ever find out. Because you're leaving the best opportunity you had, and throwing it away while burning every bridge you've made. Fuck you, I was the only one there for you from the start, and now, because I don't like your junkie boyfriend who doesn't repect our shared living space, you're going leave, and act like I tortured you, and forced you to move up here with me. Fuck you. Buy your own fucking groceries. And tell your boyfriend to buy new spoons, and to stop leaving his syringes on the coffee table.
>>
>>17163698
Please respond. This is something I've been iterating on for years, upon years. I need to know. I failed to explain to my grandmother, and my father. I need to know how it works.
>>
I'm so fucking sad and pathetic I need to be put out of my misery but I'm so afraid to die so soon and cling to useless hope that my life will change

I can't even vent to anyone aside from /adv/ that just adds to the patheticness
>>
Fuck I just had a really intense break down this morning because I had a nightmare about the thing I have intrusive thoughts about. What the fuck is wrong with me
>>
>>17163746
some people get the afterimages, some don't. It's part of it though for sure.
>>
>>17163752
My father described "strobing" in the dark, primarily apparent at night. For him it was intensified mainly by eating things he was tested allergic (IgA / IgG) to, which is likely histamine mediated. I get the same, but only seldom.

My grandmother (father's mother) told me it was as though she was seeing billions of tiny holes in the walls. Then later she likened it to television static. I had the same, but didn't make the connection between grain on monochromatic surfaces.

It's too late now. I'd like to understand roughly what, why, and how. I'm not searching for a cure, I just want to understand.
>>
>>17160567
DANSKJÄVLAR!

I loved that show.
>>
Why can't I just die.
>>
There is not enough room in this thread for how much I "have on my chest", wrong terminology though, I never have felt uncomfortable about it, just scared that someone someday will finally see beneath my mask. I live in my head, I cannot otherwise, should someone see inside, every relationship, every acquaintance, every family member, indeed society itself will leave me, they will cast me out into the cold for what I am.

I don't know if I am sociopath. Its a similar approximation of what I am. Mental disorders I've found rarely fall neatly into place, unless they are faked. I have been since I was a child. When I changed. When the scale and scope of this world was revealed to me, I saw the truth. The real truth that no one sees unless they are forced to.

I can mimic emotions, very well in fact, to the point where people look up to me, admire me, think that I am a "good" person, a loving husband, a upstanding citizen. I have people in my life that I have saved from themselves, people I work tirelessly to help, take care of, nurture.

But the truth is everything I have ever expressed, said, or done to or for anyone has been calculated. Designed. A ploy for normalcy. It was terrifying for a while, the fear of being seen for what I am, different, cold, unsympathetic. But after a time, I compartmentalized the real part, locked it away in my mind. If you've ever seen Dexter, its similar. Not the same at all, but the dialogue is there, what I really know, who I really am. What I desire. What I would do if I was free.

And there it stays, and will stay. I don't feel a need to step out from the shadows. A, curiosity I suppose, hence what I am doing here.
>>
i can't see who replied for a month now, so i have to follow threads backwards
>>
>>17163783
One day, I will fuck up and someone will finally kill me. Something will finally kill me off. I want this misery to end.

For now, I think it's time I finally unravel and eliminate the limiter that may have been placed on my mind. I've felt it for years. Only now does it begin. I won't live this for another year, shit is falling apart around me. Whatever I locked away is mine now. I hope.
>>
I wrote a thread about it, so here just read this

>>17163790
>>
I hate life I'm 20 have friends and I'm in college but I've never been in a relationship. I'm starting to feel like shit anytime I read or watch anything with romance in it everything just seems like a lie. I'm doing poorly in school and I just don't see a reason for anything anymore
>>
>>17163809
For fuck's sake, that doesn't even make sense. Fucking up is implicit as far as being killed by someone else.

There are two small clusters of memory I haven't been able to access for years. I don't know why I got rid of them, but I need them back. My mind forces me out, but it is time.

I need to make rapid progress now. The time for false confusion has ended.
>>
I really, really wish you wouldn't just disappear. You know how much I worry. If you end up ruining this weekend for me just because you haven't thought to check your phone, you will make me very sad.

I don't ask for anything from you but I would really like it if you could stop doing this.

Ps - I really hope you're ok.
>>
>>17159435
To err is human: to forgive, divine.
>>
>>17163818
I have clusters of memory that are locked away. Any attempt o access them by force yields problems. All my emotions reverse and I become confused. Or other shit.

Please advise. I need to get passed this. Whatever is inside I need to know.
>>
>>17163833
Looking for advice from anyone who has experienced this. I need advice, and I'm tired of walling this off and feeling so alone. I've been alone my entire life.

Whenever I try to access these memory clusters my mind forces me out and reverses all my emotions. What could I have stored here? I need whatever is. Something is deeply wrong with me, and I need whatever it is.
>>
>>17163849
Help...
>>
>>17163853
And of course no help comes. How could there be help.

Father is gone. Mother barely knows me. I need to find a way to force my way into whatever these clusters are. Fucking hell, I should have asked father. He knew me better than anyone.
>>
>>17163862
FUCKING FUCK. THE BILLS ARE CLOSING IN. WAKE UP.
>>
I miss you, Zoe. I wish I had met you in real life, not on this online bullshit. You are the best. I hope you're doing fine. I am okay(My stomach is fine and pills have finally worn out), but I don't know for how long. My friends have given up on me, and I am very lonely. I hope you do contact me someday because I need you. Your presence magically cured me. I love you. I will always do.
>>
I hate 4chan but can't leave
>>
i think i'm an alcoholic, if not well on my way to getting there
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
>>
i've been starving because i'm too anxious to eat anything, or i just forget, and i'm afraid to talk about it even though my friends obviously know because i'm a trainwreck
>>
OH MY FUCKING GOD Z.Y. AND C.H. , CAN YOU JUST STOP BEING PRICKS WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN WANT IM ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

regards, T.
>>
I get cold sores on my mouth sometimes but as I don't have oral sex when I have one, I don't have it genitally. I feel lucky. Being careful keeps it in check
>>
I crave connection and I hate myself for it. I want to be happy independently but part of me really wants to be appreciated even in a small way. I'm there for my closest friends and they aren't there for me. That feeling makes me reconsider my friend choices but I don't know where to go to meet knew people who I feel will fare about me as much as the people I already know do.

I feel alone constantly and it's pathetic. I feel like I put on a face of confidence around people but when I'm by myself my insecurities really start to take hold on me. I feel like I'm too hard on myself sometimes but I also feel like I need to be in order to improve as a human being. I just want to get rid of this feeling of wanting to be apart of something or accepted
>>
Fight off your demons.... I couldn't be a rock today, I broke down like a flat tire lacking air strewn across some desolate highway. My grandma is being buried today and I can't even attend the funeral. You get to the point where you just let it go. I held such resentment for her for the longest time for not saving me from the evil clutches of my mother. Witnessing my busted lip for screaming in the bathtub. Let bygones be bygones. You only get one family. Wish everyone in my family that claimed to be religious actually walked the walked instead of spitting up rehashed spiritual garbage, you don't pick and chose who you forgive. If that's how you play religion enjoy your carved idol, you're no better than your aggressor. I'm not perfect, I am flawed beyond my means but at least I'm trying to be a decent human being. Time waits for no one. I wish I had a sense of family. I don't. Thanks for letting me rant.
>>
>>17164027
Are you me
>>
I've worked here for a fucking year and I'm overwhelming sick of being reprimanded for not remaining up to date on a constantly changing store policy that none of you cunts can agree on.

I still ask managers how to do something I'm unsure how to do, only to be yelled at by a different manager for being self-aware and following instructions perfectly.

I hope you seven dysfunctional lunatics have fun telling your staff how to scan an item for the 300th time because I'm not going to do it anymore.
>>
>I'm going to post a picture of me with another girl in hopes for a reaction
>I know she's incredibly jealous
>This worked for my friend who accidentally did it when he was in the same situation as me

This is fucking pathetic. I can't believe how far down I've come. It probably won't work either.
>>
>>17163952
Yeah...I was like this for a while. No food no sleep no drink. It's an awful feeling. When you feel so hungry it hurts yet you can't eat anything.
>>
best of friends, and he says he's in love with me after years, knowing how I feel...and I spend the next 10 years of my life telling him how I feel the same. FML. I can't take anymore
>>
who are they?
>>
free the lovers
>>
I wonder if I am lucky that she still speaks to me after I tried asking her out within the first weeks of knowing her?

Now a month and a half later we can talk for several hours easily at a time.
>>
Could you be more excited about this please?
>>
There are men uglier than me with gfs.
There are men with shittier personalities with gfs.
There are men poorer than me with gfs.
There are men whom all three applies to and they still have gfs.

Yet I don't.
What the fuck is so fundamentally wrong about me. What makes me so repulsive. Someone tell me so I can change myself. REEEEEE
>>
The only way I could talk to her is by dreaming. Who am I kidding, she probably blocked my contact. I really miss her. Everytime I think about her. I wish I could confess to her that day, but nooo, I pussied out instead.
>>
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I spent today with the girl I got a crush on. I helped her with her school assignment and we hung out in the city together.
When we got back to the apartment complex we both live in, her father called her. I overheard a bit of the discussion, where she told him that she had gone to hang out in the city with me.
>mfw I overheard her father ask her if I had proposed to her.

She also just invited me to come watch a movie with her in her room.
>>
>>17163590
>>I know better than you
>>I know what you're feeling better than you
No, I'm taking from her words the things she said which only happened to change once she got in her emotions.

She valued them and looked back on them fondly but all of the sudden...nope. They're shit. Why? Because she seemed to say she was bored, or not enjoying herself, or didn't have fun. She was forcing herself. Lol. What a load of shit.
>>
I was hoping I'd give you herpes, then blame it on you. The guilt combined with the inconvenience of having to tell new partners about the herpes would have likely convinced you to stay with me.

Unfortunately that didn't happen.

I rarely have breakouts anymore but as long as we keep fucking unprotected, there's always that chance.

Your friends were right. I'm not a good influence. But I found you and I want to keep you.
>>
>>17164405
thinking you're entitled to anything is probably a key factor.
>>
I BOTTLE IT ALL UP
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I PUSH THEM AWAY SO THEY TAKE IT PERSONALLY AND ASSUME I'M A SHITTY PERSON AND HATE ME
I'M LOSING MY MIND
>>
I am feeling intense self loathing, I can't stop being mad at myself for failures both great and petty.
I am formulating a plan to better myself, doing small things today but, It all feels like a lie.
A horrible lie. A stupid one that kids no one. I'm so ashamed, I hate myself.
>>
>>17164663
Initials?
>>
>>17163225
Original guy who's dealing with it here. You're right about the delusion part. I don't want to be even possibly delusional. Because like I said before, while it is impossible to disprove soliptism, it's also impossible to prove it. The same goes for other people having consciousness. They could or they couldn't. So it all comes down to choice. What do I want to believe in. This would be an easy question for most people, they'd believe in others. But I'm scared of being wrong and in delusion.
>>
I've finally realised that I'm not scared of the world. In fact, I think the world is beautiful.

Rather, I'm scared of myself and much my mind controls me.
>>
>>17164663
Wouldn't it be funny if they already had herpes?
>>
I want you.
>>
I love you, don't hurt yourself.
>>
I love you, don't hurt me.
>>
File: 1462811181597.jpg (82KB, 600x762px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1462811181597.jpg
82KB, 600x762px
Im drunk at a birthday party.
A friend said behind my back that im asexual. 8 don't make any aproaches because im deeply hurt and have a depression.
Im going to see a therapist soon.
But i still feel useless like shit because reasons.
Should i kill myself?
>>
I turned from a bluepilled whiney beta who was all around really nice to everybody but also completely useless and pathetic in every aspect, to a redpilled alpha who is now actually successful and hardworking.

Also now an asshole to a lot of people, a lot more hateful and almost non-existent empathy bordering psychopath level. Have more friends and am socially "upper tier" in whatever situations I'm in due to my personality now, but also a jerk to a lot of people. I feel like I flipped from useless freeloading beta sociopath to hardworking and successful alpha psychopath.

Not sure if causation or correlation but it's been on my mind today.
>>
A guy hit on me from his car, and I exchanged numbers anyway because I'm bored and don't have many friends. I know he wan sum fuk, but I'm really hoping he'll be cool with just chilling at the arcade with me sometime. I have a boyfriend, and made sure to tell him that (twice).
>>
I paid too much for a dress that's too small (was supposed to lose weight, kek) and I have nowhere to wear it to. So here I am, wearing the fucking dress while I eat peanut butter and graham crackers alone on the couch

i chose this life.
>>
All I want is to be by myself and not need anyone. But I can't and now all I have are videogames to try and ease this sorrow and loneliness I feel . Why won't it stop. I hate everything there is about being human .
>>
>>17163122
Mine? R H
>>
In college..... When i carried you back to your room after you blacked out from drinking.

I raped you with a condom on.
>>
>>17163794
if you think you might be a sociopath you are definitely not one.
>>
>>17163794
and who are you, then ? what would you do ?
>>
>>17165254
Don't concern yourself with them. Who the fuck cares if they called you asexual lol people always said that about me when I was depressed I made it look like a compliment.
>>
>>17165322
Find a balance. Easy as that. A lot of people have a good balance and they are the special ones who stand out and have a lot of charisma. You don't need to be a run of the mill faggot alpha. Being the cool, nice, down to earth one is the best.
>>
I don't know what to do, but I don't want to sleep, since the night is my favorite, the tiredness oddly compelling.
The loneliness is killing me, but the music sounds so much nicer, the isolation deepening the sadness and yet I like the night so much more than the day.
Even if I could find a friend in the day, they wouldn't truly mean something to me till I knew them in the night. But no worries there, daytime acquaintances seldom come forth.
well fuck the rest, fuck all I've said, fuck this life and the pessimistic lack of a next one, fuck my inability to feel anything from internet text.
And fuck me and how terrible I have made myself.
>>
>Crushing loneliness
>Find girl
>Date
>Not that into her, she loves me
>Tables turn completely
>Break up
>Feel like shit
>New girl
>Hopping from girl to girl
>Not satisfying
>Doesn't feel good
>I wish I never started dating
Love was, in all seriousness and without exaggeration, the only thing I desired from life. The only thing that brought me happiness and the only thing that motivated me at all to do anything. Nothing else. I feel it's ruined for me now. I'm so hurt by this.
>>
my cat is dead and Im very sad.
>>
I've come to a point in my life where I've realised I hate the person I am.

I hate my relationship, I hate the fact that I'm a doormat, and I hate that I don't know how to change it. I hate that whenever I open my mouth, all I seem to do is piss people off.

I just hate myself, and want to change.
>>
I don't identify well with the men of my own generation.
>>
I don't want to hurt you or make you feel worthless. Ever. You're amazing.
>>
Significant other is more than likely cheating on me, but they come up with an excuse for all the evidence I find no matter what.

I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to find solid proof without actually setting up a hidden camera or some shit like that, but even then I feel like they'd just come up with an excuse of some sort, because that's what they do every time I confront them with something.

Another part of me wants to look the other way ignore it for the sake of our relationship, but I can't for some reason. I love them more than I've ever loved anyone else, and would hate to lose them for any reason, even if they were cheating.

It fucking sucks. I love them so much.
>>
>>17166274

Don't quietly suffer for the sake of the relationship while he/she hurts you without regard for your feelings. He/she certainly isn't sacrificing anything for your benefit.
>>
My little sister and my Mom are trying to set up a friendship between me and some other dude. It sounds pathetic, I know.

I'm worried he won't like me, or he'll think I'm too weird or awkward to be friends with or whatever.
>>
>>17166274
LMFAO.
You.
Don't.
Need.
To.
Prove.
Shit.

You feel bad? You don't like the situation? You're not happy? You believe it's true? Fucking leave. You don't owe her fuck all. Just get up and leave.

> I love them more than I've ever loved anyone else, and would hate to lose them for any reason, even if they were cheating.

Oh. So you want to address it so you can try to fix the problem? Sorry man. Can't give advice. This is on you. It will suck.

The only thing I would think to work is pack up and leave and see what she does but you know her best and she probably wouldn't fight for you. I feel really bad for you. I was in a situation like this. I wanted someone no matter what. Willing to throw away all pride and self respect. The only thing I can tell you is that you need to make yourself realize how you don't love her, how she's not worth it, how bad of a person she really is, but that's not something you can force.
>>
I didn't want you to leave me alone, but you're repetitive with the ways you hurt me. You just kept at it. When you came back around, I knew nothing was going to be different....so I said it was best you left me alone. I honestly think it would be best if you didn't have issues with commitment...or issues with alcohol.
>>
>>17166287
>>17166312
You guys don't understand.

I feel like I'd be twice as miserable without them. Like, if I leave them there'll be this emptiness inside me that won't go away no matter what I do.

That's part of what makes this all so frustrating.
>>
>>17166372
As if you aren't a drunk yourself.
>>
>>17166372
Stop using gender neutral language you fucking autistic faggot, you're on an anon board.
>INB4 but you'll judge me

Yeah, there might be a deep emptiness. You'll feel like trash. You'll wish to have stayed. But honestly, is it worth staying in a shitty relationship and feel worse? To what end? The only thing you could hope for is the relationship ending in a way that makes you happy. How likely is that? At least if you leave, you'll recover and feel great later on. At this point, you'll be hurting yourself for a long time and only to have all the time wasted and end up being hurt anyway.

Look I won't tell you to leave. Do what you have to do. I know how it feels. Just know what you're walking into is very dark and deep. Either choice will suck. Maybe try staying with them and using them to detach yourself. Constantly forcing yourself to like them less until one day you can walk away easily. Maybe try staying and getting what you can out of it.

You will likely watch her drift away from you day by day and you'll feel that she doesn't like or care for you anymore. That is the worst feeling ever. When you're in a relationship with someone but don't feel like you are. I'm someone who naturally forgets the bad, but of all the shit I've been through, I can tell you I remember that feeling well and I never ever ever want to even risk putting myself through it again. It's disgusting. I'm still in love. I still want that person in my life, but I refuse to ever be in a relationship with them again or, at least, to ever invest in them again like I did.
>>
Stop texting me at this hour.
>>
I'm incredibly depressed. I kind of put on a facade to hide it. Thought about suicide, and started to privately see a therapist (which I didn't tell my family about). The semester ended, I became more depressed, started drinking again, and I don't know. Still thinking about suicide. Sometimes everything is just too much, and I know that sounds like a pussy thing to say but that's just how it is.
>>
>>17166431
Hopefully something a bit relevant as to us all
Are having the same fears, shedding similar tears
And of course dying in so many years
It don't mean that we can't have a good life
>>
I just think suicide would hurt my family more than I could ever imagine, and my friends too. Sometimes it just seems as if it's better off that way, though. It's like one of those feelings you get in your gut, you know? Like you know you have to do something.
>>
If I was attracted to you I don't think i'd be so hesitant to try a relationship with you. Oh, and if you had your own place...
>>
>>17166437
Sometimes it just helps to have someone to talk to. That's why I'm here. I just make myself so anxious about suicide and for some reason this constant depression. That's the thing. I really can't tell you why I'm sad. Been like this for years... I never let it effect my schooling and my relationship with my significant other until this summer. It's just building up and a voice in my head thinks that maybe I should do something about it.
>>
I wouldn't mind dying.
>>
>Anon, what are you doing?
>Writing scholarship essays
>It's 4 o'clock in the morning, why on earth are you writing scholarship essays?
>Because I've lost control of my college finances
>>
I just don't get it. All of it. I try to do so much for so many people. I tried so hard with you. You weren't perfect, I wasn't either, I tried and so did you. But it seems that doesn't get remembered. The good times dont get remembered. You seem to be hung up on making me feel worthless. Unwanted. Jealous. I find myself wanting to talk to you again, and then I remember what happened last time. What happens when I talk to you everytime. It's a paradox I can't seem to solve.

I'm not trying to "play the victim" either. Just had to get this off my chest. It really messes me up mentally, cause I'll want to talk to them but have to reassure myself "this is how it'll end, this is how it's always been". Assuming that's normal? I've stopped talking/trying to talk to them for a good amount of time now but can't stop thinking about them regardless. It might be a mild form of OCD. That being said, I wasn't ever that close with anyone before this person, and I haven't been since. That sort of thing leaves a lasting impression in anyone...but I wish I could stop dwelling on it. Wish I could stop dwelling on the past.


There's more but I won't list it. Life's just kinda fucked at this point. I just...exist to exist. Drifting from place to place. I thought I'd be in a better spot 6 months ago and now I'm in a really bad spot. I shouldve prepared better, couldve easily prepared better. Now, we're humans, we all make mistakes. But as an adult, I should've known.

Fuck.
>>
>>17166440
Oh wow.

>everything that has nothing to do with a relationship is what keeps me from giving you a chance
>>
>>17166614
>Everything that has nothing to do with a relationship

Are you not supposed to be attracted to your significant other?
>>
What's the point of achieving things?

Like am I supposed to just rack up achievements and "success" so I can compare myself to others and feel better and treat them like shit?

I've never understood this, or why people are motivated by accolades and achievements.
>>
I'm not good at making friends, but he's been talking to me for so long and then suddenly he just stopped.

I asked him if he wanted to go drinking the other week and he didn't respond. Like just say you're busy, don't be a dick.

But I'm worried something has happened, obviously, because I'm socially inept and unable to brush things off. Who's been talking shit behind my back? Was I being a bitch? (I don't remember being one but it's possible)
Did he run into a bunch of delusional TWERPs who convinced him that I was degeneracy incarnate?

Yeah, yeah, I get it. I'm real egocentric. But the fact remains that I have a friend who is not talking to me and I'm too afraid to ask why and I'm just pissing away my time here and...

Ahh, who gives a shit. I don't have the energy for this anymore.
>>
I'm 20 years old. Fucked off in highschool, but go to uni. I made bas grades this semester, needed good ones to transfer into college that interests me. I live at home with my parents, and unemployed. Never had a serious girlfriend.
>>
>>17166649
>20
You're still a baby! You've got a couple decades to make something work. You can do it, just stay motivated. I think that'll be your biggest task. If you slack off and sit on your ass for the next 10-20 years, you WILL have something to come confess about.
>>
>>17166668
Just a little worried because this is a defining moment in my life. Also it sucks that my best friend moved to Cali and another good friend I found out is moving away too. I don't really know who I'm going to hang out with when school starts. Maybe I should study in the library 24/7
>>
I hate pooping. It's so incredibly annoying.
>>
I`m a fake, i`m a psychology student and my whole class is the usual leftist feminist gay people, and i`m extremely right wing and i think they are complete degenerates. I do pretent i respect them though, and i`ve seen my fellow comrades be defeated by this movement and lose their social life. I however, am at the core of their friendship, they trust me, some of the girls are in love with me, and everyone thinks i`m the good and politically correct guy. This image is so strongly sustained by them that even when i say something that would trigger them, they accept it, because they know i know more than them. I feel like a double agent, in the middle of those people, listening to their deepest secrets, their sincere eyes, while i have another life out of university, while i am the worst kind of person, and i feel nothing for them, and bend their emotions to my needs. I don`t feel the least bad about it, it actually makes me feel supreme, that i can keep the mask no matter what, while so many other fall. Am i some kind of a cold hearted psychopath? I can keep talking.
>>
As I scrolled past threads in the catalog I saw a picture of "happiness" written in the sand.

And then I remembered that you can't spell happiness without penis
>>
I'm 26 and I've never had a girlfriend and I'm fucking fed up with being alone. I'm not ugly, I'm not socially awkward. I've slept with, give or take, 60 women. I get numbers and go on dates regularly. But it never fucking lines up. Either neither of us are interested, I'm interested and they're not, or they're interested and I'm not.

I'm on a holiday with my best friend and his girlfriend of 6 years and they're going on all these couples activities and using 2 for 1 coupons and shit and I'm just tagging along like a fucking parasite.

I just want to know what it's like to be in love. I'm beginning to fear I'll never feel it. I'm lying in bed in the hotel while they're getting a couple's massage and I feel like shit.
>>
Imagining to put your tiny useless dick into a tiny chastity cage gets me incredibly horny.
I'm not even usually dominant, but you are just such a loser I can't help it.
Having you play with your ass while denying you to cum. Shoving toys up your boypussy and making you wear girlish clothes. Thinking of this makes me really wet.
>>
None of my friends talk to me. I haven't talked to anyone in months.
>>
I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself for falling in love with you. I would have done anything for you. I'm a fucking fool and I should have known better. I'm so glad were not together, I'm a fucking mess. You deserve better.
>>
Aaah you got fat and it's bugging me!
>>
>>17167650
shit happens
>>
Came on the window a few days ago and didn't notice

Parents definetly saw that
>>
Someone please make a new thread
Thread posts: 318
Thread images: 16


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