Is it possible to learn to like sex if you don't?

>>17146299
how can you not like sex? isnt it the same as saying "i dont feel pain, how do i feel pain". maybe you are not having sex properly.

>>17146305
I just don't get which part is supposed to be the part that I like. I like the attention and affection guys give while trying to groom me for sex but the act itself still feels like eating foam peanuts.

>>17146299
do you masturbate at all? Do you watch porn, fantasize about anything?

>>17146345
No, no, and not really. I've tried to look for fetish stuff since nothing normal would do, but it's all foam peanuts to me.

>>17146299
Might be a hormonal imbalance of some sort? See a doctor, have yourself checked out?
I don't know.

>>17146355
Have you looked into asexuality? I know it's tumblr-tier but sometimes people just don't like or enjoy sex and that's okay too.

Are you able to get wet at all?
Do you feel anything when you stimulate your clitoris?
Do you get sexually excited when fantasizing?
Do you have wet dreams?

>>17146319
>groom me for sex

Sounds like part of your problem is how you view others.

But let's be fair...

Age?
Boodyshape?
Living conditions?
Kinks?
Social life?
Education?

Not trying to create a structure to judge your sexworhyness, just looking to see where the deficiencies are in your life that may be making you unhappy

>>17146361
Does that sort of thing show on other kinds of blood tests? I had a drug screening for my new job a few months ago, would they have noticed if there's anything unusual?

>>17146364
I know what asexuality is, I just want to know if there's a cure.

If I can't learn to like sex, I want to learn how to ignore it. This is important.

>>17146370
I get wet, clitoris feels nothing, I don't get dreams. Does "excited" mean wet, or does there have to be more?

>>17146373
I'm 22, in shape, trying to move out of my mom's house (but having my efforts constantly crippled by procrastination), no idea about kinks, I have great friends and no worthwhile education to speak of. I'm taking the year off school to work, and I think I want to become a florist, once the school applying season comes again.

>>17146375
No, it won't show on a drug test. You should see a gynecologist.

>>17146392
What can they do?

>>17146375
>I want to learn how to ignore it
I don't get that. What do you mean by ignore it?

>>17146391
I mean, do you like to fantasize? Is it something you do? Do you feel yourself become erect (clit/vulva area feeling hot and pulsing)
If you fantasize about sex, you're not asexual.

>>17146299
In my first two relationships, I didn't like having sex either. Then I just realized the men I dated were not sexually compatible with me. The sex was boring, chore-like and all about their pleasure not mine. Foreplay was ignored, they didn't like what I liked. I am kind of silly in bed. I don't know how to explain it. I like to feel comfortable and laugh and be cute. They liked to be extremely dominant and if I attempted to act any way that was cute or giggly, they'd take it as an insult.

When I met my current bf, he was just like me sexually. Sex was fun. He did weird shit. Like he put on a luchador mask and posed. Or he rapped LL Cool J's "I need love" to me once. He'd say funny, cute stuff and make me laugh. He reacted positively to me being cutesy in bed. Or I was little red riding hood for halloween one year and he kept chanting "Who's afraid of the big bad wolf" while he fucked me in costume. I like the strange, nonserious stuff that he does. Yet he still has sex with me passionately. Our sex life is strange, but a good strange.

>>17146375
>I had a drug screening for my new job a few months ago, would they have noticed if there's anything unusual?
I doubt it. They probably only check for compounds of the drug, or associated metabolites. Checking if you're healthy at the same time seems like a waste of resources.

>>17146395
If I can't feel good about sex I can settle to not feeling bad about it. Just being able to give it out without getting a grudge and expecting something in return would be fine.

>>17146396
I don't fantasise about sexual acts.

>>17146397
That does sound sweet, but I'm not like that with sex. I just wait for it to be over and get really annoyed if it isn't over fast enough. I don't know how to make a guy cum ASAP but I try.

>>17146391
Dear OP

Your life is changing and you're trying to find a sense of order in it. I wouldn't worry too much about the whole sex thing.

I've read further into the thread. Your comfort level with exploring sex and sexuality is an important factor that I think you need to spend considerable ammout of time on. Not just having sex. But by peeling apart the layers of what does and doesnt make sex enjoyable for you. Why do you feel the need to rush? Can you counteract that and enjoy more lengthy encounters? Examine your emotional need as a component of sex or intimacy. Seems like you're just a normal young woman who had a lot of shit going on.

>>17146411
grab his dick real hard and talk dirty to him.

Instant cum.

>>17146438
I need to rush because I don't like wasting my time with things I don't enjoy. The sooner he finishes, the sooner it's over with.

>>17146447
Way to miss the point.

>>17146392
If there's a hormone imbalance, what can they do? Are they just going to prescribe me more estrogen?

I don't want more estrogen.

>>17146447
This isn't something you'll solve in a month or two. What you're going to have to do is make yourself confront the emotional and social issues as to why you don't enjoy it then try to put in place the lifestyle changes (emotionally and psychologically) that eventually help you shift your outlook. My suggestions are just that, suggestions.

Find a way to make it worth your time. A fulfilling and enjoyable sex life is a good thing to have. It's not essential to a happy and fulfilling life, but it does help

>>17146521
I'm not saying your suggestions are bad, I just don't understand what they mean in practice.

What do you mean with emotional or social issues? I don't like sex because the act is boring, but I like men and men like sex more than they like me, so the only way to realistically keep a man around is to put out.

I know it's childish to hold a grudge about that, and that's why it's important to learn to like the act too, but I just don't understand how it's supposed to be good? He puts a penis in, moves it there for 20 minutes and stops.

Maybe I'm just too big and a girl who is tighter would enjoy it but I don't understand.

>>17146530
Looks like your problem is you see sex as a service you do to him instead of an activity you both enjoy.

You should do something about that.

>>17146557
How?

You might have a chemical imbalance OP. There are a lot of ppl that get help for it and their sex life is back to normal. For others though, its just stress happening in their lives.

>>17146605
Is it possible to fix hormonal imbalance at home? Do they just give you estrogen injections or something?

>>17146616
Maybe try reducing stress before pumping yourself full of black market hormones.

>>17146397
>red riding hood

what a big cock you have

All the better to fuck you with my dear

>>17146361
This or repressed childhood sexual trauma.

>>17146804
Nothing bad has literally ever happened to me in my life.

I'm a guy and I'm the same way, it's just so boring like I don't understand those people that get real into it an lose their mind over it like how stupid and primal is that

>>17146820
As sad as it seems there are baby and toddler rapists out there. By no means you'd be able to remember that.
Look up "child of rage".

>>17146906
Do you fap?

>>17147049
I've never been left alone with anyone untrustworthy. My mother is a good judge of character, my dad's porn stash was exclusively adult women and my parents never had any friends around. Neither of my parents ever trickled the slightest suspect of anything sketchy, and it couldn't have been anyone else.

Unless it's that time I apparently accidentally saw some section of a porn film when I was like 3, but there's no way that can cancel out an adult human being's sexuality completely, can it?

>>17146299

probably not

there's nothing wrong with not liking or wanting sex, regardless of what 4chan says

you don't need to change, there are other people like you in the world and it is possible to have a relationship with someone like you that is just as loving and healthy as a relationship with sex

Sorry, OP.

You might be broken.

I've met women throughout my life, several, like yourself, who either one day stopped or had always never felt pleasure that way.

Two of them went to doctors and were unable to find a cure.

>>17147083
It may be possible, but is it likely?

I want a boyfriend. I can endure sex if he's worth it.

>>17147069
>Unless it's that time I apparently accidentally saw some section of a porn film when I was like 3, but there's no way that can cancel out an adult human being's sexuality completely, can it?
Maybe this could probably be it. Childhood sexual trauma is not only caused by rape and molestation. You could have been severally traumatised and repulsed by what you saw.
Try therapy. It could help getting rid of your problem.

>>17147103
This is the part where people are going to start crying "bait", but could this cause gender identity disorder? Because I've been trying to get into treatments for it, and I've become too attached to the trans identity to start undoing it now over something like this.

>>17147148
I really don't know. I had gender identity disorder for a time, but I was molested throughout childhood though. Feeling powerless as a weak girl (even a girly cute boy with tiny wrists forced his hands down there and no matter how hard I tried to push him and struggle away HE was the stronger one) made me wish to be a boy that time. In my years from 12-20 i generally wore male clothes. I also lost all interest in sexually related stuff, didn't crave it and was even repulsed by it.

Now sometimes if I watch porn (I do when I'm stressed) I even get off to imagining being the male stuffing his cock down her throat. Other than that I'm pretty normal though. Very happily married to my sexy husband and I'm a very happy mom even.

>>17147277
I don't want to seek therapy if it's going to thoroughly undo who I am as a person.

>>17147287
I love my life and it didn't change who I am. After changing schools I got away from the toxic environment. The harrassment stopped and a few years later I noticed I was attracted to guys. It was a very heavy yaoi dominated time in my life. I felt like a gay man trapped in a womens body. But then the memories emerged and I dealt with flashbacks and depression/breakdowns for like over a year. I could finally cope with it and turned finally normal. I decided to have almost a year of therapy to finish it perfectly and it helped very well with my depressions.

It's your life and your choice in the end. If you're happy you're happy. I hope I could help you out a little.

>>17147329
I've never been hurt or harrassed, though. I've just always felt bad and feel slightly less bad in male clothes.

>>17147371
Well I don't know it maybe it really was the exposure to porn. Made you feel awkward and not innocent/defiled to know that much about sex when being that young. This could lead to deeper psychological issues and feeling like an outcast making it worse.
>I've just always felt bad and feel slightly less bad in male clothes.
But I know that feel bro.
It took years until I could even get used to the thought of wearing dresses. It was a transformation ever so slowly over the course of 16 years. Now look perfectly fine on the outside. Only maybe not so facionable. I still am not your average girl though, playing vidya, working at IT department, I hate girly manipulative behaviour, all around I'm pretty tomboyish still.
The sexuality is not black or white thing is not a meme.

>>17147477
The first time I got turned down for a trans diagnosis I forced myself to wear skirts, dresses and feminine shit for three whole years. I couldn't even stomach wearing jeans, not even in the winter, because they are boy clothes.

I have fairly feminine hobbies and interests, history and literature and arts and stuff. I just wish sex was not a thing that exists so I could spend time and be close to men and still feel safe.

>>17147487
Yeah I know that feel too. I can tell you how I overcame that fear. At one point in my life I made pretty close friends with a mixed group. I felt safe enough with the girls and after I got to know to the boys I felt safe enough with them too. Ever so slowly i could open up yo casual friendship with boys. The first relationship went pretty bad though, he borderline raped me (I didn't like him touch me down there because I didn't enjoy it, I was fine with only jerking him but he still did touch me and I was traumatised again for a good while.....) then he cheated on me.... But my second boyfriend (now husband) was really really sweet. He always was very understanding, kind, patient and always going at my pace, always trying to make me feel good too about dating and sex. Never has he given up even a year into the relationship. After about a year of being the kindest funniest wonderfullest guy on earth I could trust him enough to really let myself go and be vulnerable. That was the moment sex felt really good, i mean really really and I could even reach orgasm.

>>17147567
I don't mean that I'm scared of all men at all times, I just feel unsafe around the ones who feel like they're allowed to fuck me.

I've gotten fucked many, many times and I know it doesn't hurt but I still automatically dislike any guy who wants to do it to me, no matter how sweet and nice he is otherwise. It stops feeling pleasant as soon as I realise he's just grooming me for sex.

>>17147567
I forgot to mention that I only ever so slowly changed my style of clothing after I could trust my then boyfriend now husband. He got to know me with my baggy boy clothes and still loved/loves me for who I am and whats underneath those clothes. It was only mega bonus points for him as I started wearing girls clothes. Now I even like wearing dresses in summer and he still gets hot as hell about me. After 10 years of marriage.

>>17147602
I'm still going to get a sex change.

If testosterone injections don't get me horny, I'll just kill myself and be done with this shit planet.

>>17146438
You act like it's easy for a girl to manage a relationship without having sex.
My sex drive has ruined every relationship I have been in

>>17146513
Doctors have been pretty dismissive for me, since they don't see why females would need to be sexual.

In my research I've heard that gingko bilboa and black cohosh are supposed to help.

It does other things than upping estrogen, it does things with your blood floor or something.

Progesterone is also another option. That one I'd suggest getting your hormones checked first.

I haven't tried the supplements because I've given up on relationships anyway. I haven't gotten my hormones checked because I don't want to pay for the doctor's bill.

You should try those things, though.

>>17147584
>It stops feeling pleasant as soon as I realise he's just grooming me for sex.
That's the problem. Either you only ever met huge douches OR you kind of misunderstand and are projecting. They're not grooming you to have sex. They simply want be with you. Enjoy your company, be intimate, intellectually and physically. If he loves you he'll even not care about his own satisfaction. In fact he'll just feel satisfied if he can make you feel good. I always asked my husband why he tried so hard back then, this is what he told me.

Try to think more positive, not projecting and let the anxiety go if you really misunderstand the boys for only wanting sex.

>>17147624
I'll just get testosterone. The more I think about it, the more the thought of some guy's slimy dick changing who I fundamentally am as a person ceases to seem like some sort of a happy ending.

>>17147630
>some guy's slimy dick
What about a girl?

>>17147634
I can wish and hope and try with all my might, but there is nothing in my power and no quantity of porn that has been able to make me like girls. Not even a little bit. Not even trans girls.

>>17147628
I'm afraid I'm not as lovable as you are. On a first date I'll still have to be fists up in defense.

>>17147652
How old are you even? You seem very young. Try to give it some time and take it slow. You surely are lovable, I'm not like a 10/10 myself either. Just average.

Especially if you really can't like girls, I really wouldn't recommend testosterone... Try anything else before.

>>17147663
I'm 22. I've had my fair share of relationships and I've seen the league of men that I have access to.

>>17147667
Fairly young still. Only douches then? Really try not to think about man like they're some sex crazed monsters. They're only human too. They only want to be close to You. I have a son myself and he's the sweetest being on earth. Think about it.

I wish you good luck, OP!

>>17147697
Not douches. The only guys actually wanting to DATE me are the ones who are so emotionally damaged that being in a relationship with them is hell. My longest relationship lasted two years and was literally only held together by his best efforts, and sometimes against mine. At one point I threatened suicide if he ever contacted me again and he did it anyway.

Guys aren't all slimy predators with no interests except for one. The ones who aren't like that are so much worse.

The ones who'll settle for a lack of sex are broken. Therefore, is it not logical that I should break myself in and learn to tolerate sex?

>>17147711
>Therefore, is it not logical that I should break myself in and learn to tolerate sex?
Definitely. That's what I did. He was kind, caring and sweet so I allowed him to touch my body, fondle my breasts and stick it in. And I could trust him enough to not feel disgusted and raped like with the first boyfriend. He'd always ask and read the mood so it was very fine.
Just make sure you are OK while trying and if he's not sensitive enough and you feel bad or forced into something just dump him. But first give him a chance.

>>17147752
And never forget relationship and sex are always about communication. Don't assume he can read your mind. Tell him what you feel and listen to what he feels as well.

>>17147752
And where do I find this perfect man who'll love and worship me from the first date?

Most guys who figure out their date is damaged goods turn on their heels and get the hell out of dodge.

>>17147761
If you don't search you won't find. Why do you think you HAVE to sleep with them on the first date anyways? Why not first just make friends and then turning it into a relationship? This worked for me, why not for you?

>>17147760
Won't he be turned off and insulted if I tell him to hurry up and get it over with?

Nobody likes a straight man's dick like a straight man does. They think their dicks are beautiful and the most important part, the core and heart of his being. nothing will hurt and insult a man more than not liking his dick.

>>17147773
Normal people don't go on OkCupid looking for friends.

>>17147774
>Won't he be turned off and insulted if I tell him to hurry up and get it over with?
He will. The key is telling him you have issues with relaxing and feeling good during sex. But you'll try your best to solve the problem. And why tell him to hurry up? If you really care for him be patient.

>>17146355
Hey i got news for you. I know a case about a man that doesn't feel pleasure with sex, so he try kill people and he discovered that it feels so good for him. I had an orgasm the first time he killed he was crazy af tho and you should see a doctor (sorry my bad english but i bet you gety point)

>>17147779
Girl, don't you have any common sense? Quit the shitty app and pick up some nice hobbies/interests. Go out and enjoy your life and casual friendships with normal people. If you don't want to put any effort into getting your shit together don't complain about your misery.

>>17147797
Like (L) this answer

>>17147789
Because unless he wants to see me cry, he HAS TO hurry up. I don't understand how something completely painless can be such torture, but no matter how brave I think I'm going to be this time, once I get into that situation I am willing to do literally anything to make it stop.

>>17147797
I always try but the compulsive thoughts about dating and sex always come back.

>>17147814
Try and try again. It's difficult, I know. Like everything else in life which is worthy to achieve.
>>17147803
Thats no problem. If you can't take it anymore tell him to stop. He will understand and even finish for himself if he needs to.

>>17147814
Relax. You have severe anxiety issues. If you ever consider seeing a therapist, don't forget to mention this.

>>17147836
Won't he be just as mad about getting all worked up, sticking it in and not being allowed to finish? In that state of mind there is no guarantee he won't just keep going and later say he didn't hear/understand your protest.

>>17147843
I've been on hold for a therapist for months now. People with more important issues take priority.

>>17147848
He won't if he's a decent human being. Yes he could abuse the trust you build for them and borderline rape/rape you. See my story. Fell down, dusted my self off, dumped the shitbag and tried again. This time with very much more caution though.

>>17147869
But do you really want all of your fears to hold you back in life? Do you really want to grow old without tasting the life to the fullest?

>>17147869
So just get fucked again and again?

Having to walk through a minefield again and again in hopes of finding that one bomb that doesn't hurt doesn't sound very encouraging.

>>17147851
On hold? Find a different therapist then. I've never been on hold for more than a week and I've been to over a dozen therapists.

>>17147880
Go out, find some nice guys, build some friendships, choose the one guy who you really really would like to be with, see how he feels about you, trust him and tell him about your issues, slowly to proceed to relationship, trust him enough to try having sex.

It's not some meeting 500 guys through okupid in 10 days and have sex with all of them scenario. Now gtfo 4chan and okupid.

>>17147904
how likely are they going to be ok with me having a sex change? On the internet I come with a warning label.

>>17147920
Find out yourself ;)
That's the fun part of life :)

>>17147930
So do whatever gross hedonist shit I want and hurt as many people as I like in process?

>>17146786
Under rated

You have a terrible attitude, believe all men are grooming you for sex, suffer from serious anxiety and depression, most likely have some form of mental illness, etc...

Crying during sex is not normal, nor should it be consistently painful. This reeks of repressed sexual abuse, or some form of anti-sex indoctrination.

You need therapy, first and foremost. Working on yourself should come before even attempting a relationship; that much is obvious just from your posts in this thread.

When you find someone you actually care about, you need to tell them exactly what you have told us. They will be understanding, will move at your pace, and want to help you enjoy exploring your sexuality. You will need a lot of personal growth, in my opinion, before you will have the mindset to reach this point.

Many never enjoy sex, and many not as much as they could, as some never find their kink. Watching porn, and trying to find your kink could be very beneficial.

>>17146786
>>17148005
More like samefag.

Generic as fuck.

>>17148013
It's not physically painful, just unpleasant in the nails-on-a-chalk-board -sense.

I am already in line for therapy, and have been there since the 5th of last month, and I am currently just trying to survive the wait by any means necessary.

I have a kink for fat guys but there's like a 90% chance I just find them less threatening and less capable of hurting me.

>>17148051
The therapy will help, greatly. Stick with it, even when it becomes tiresome, and frustrating.

It is possible. As such, you should keep exploring. Seriously, if you discover your kink, it could very easily change your attitude regarding sex.

>>17148110
So I should keep looking for tolerable strangers from bars and fuck them regardless?

I don't have the mental resources to make more friends than I already have. Meeting new people is painfully exhausting and I need that energy to go to work and put up with my family.

>>17148126
No, I suggested watching porn, and continue to. I'm sorry, I thought it was an obvious corollary when I suggested you keep exploring.

As such, watch porn. Discover different kinks, and with luck, one may do something for you.

>>17148173
I found one I was capable of masturbating to, almost even orgasmed once, and then it slipped and it doesn't do anything to me anymore.

How does one explore kinks? Go on DeviantArt and click "random", and then try to find the non-furry version?

>>17148189
What was the kink?

>>17148173
>As such, watch porn. Discover different kinks, and with luck, one may do something for you.
This really could help. For me it was rape fantasies. Specifically of girly baby faced guys who were bat shit crazy in their head.
It doesn't really help getting off though. Watching and fantasising about my "kink" was only kind of sexually arousing. I got wet, but it didn't feel good exactly. I felt rather sickened and anxious. I could never ever masturbate to those fantasies. Still it helped me to cope with what happened, to get used to the feeling and one day even to let it go.

>>17149255
Forgot to mention that I could never self insert in those fantasies. The girls who were abused were always only fictional characters from anime/manga etc.