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Friend told me they are cheating

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So, a friend of mine at work has confessed to me that she has been cheating on her husband for over 8 years. It gets worse because she also told me that the guy she's been fucking all these years has just confessed to her that he's very much in love with her. It's none of my concern really, but I feel horrible knowing this.

The both of them are married and have kids. They have also told each other that they won't leave their spouse.

I asked her if they'll continue the affair and she said they may. I told her to be careful and that she should end it, but I don't think she'll listen.

She says that they have been doing this for years and won't get caught, however I believe that now it's only a matter of time before they get caught since the confession has come to light.

It gets more complicated. I think I flooded you guys enough. If you want to know more I'll be happy to explain.

I guess I'm just looking for some insight. Again I feel bad knowing this information and I know it's none of my business... I just need to clear my head.
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>>17115817
I think you should tell him. It's clear she only cares about her own feelings so you don't need to worry about hers. Your friend deserves to know the truth. Esp. If she won't break it off.

It will destroy their marriage though likely
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Are the kids even her husband's then?
Are you the only one she's told? If not, you could probably anonymously tell the husband what's been going on and enjoy the shitstorm to come.
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Why do people even get fucking married? Fuck both of them.
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>>17115817

You should've shamed her for being a degenerate. If she stops talking to you that's fine. But now she knows that people support her because every time she told someone they didn't say anything about.
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>>17115826
>It will destroy their marriage though likely
and your friendship with her, and possibly your working relationship too. do some preparation before you do this OP, and make sure she doesn't have any work-related dirt on you. because if she's shady enough to carry on an 8-year affair, she's shady enough to stab you in the back. at the very least, it could make for a hostile work environment, and she might be sneaky enough to make your workdays miserable while stopping just short of provable harassment. if you tell her husband, either make sure it can't be traced back to you, or update your resume and keep your options open in case your workplace becomes too toxic.
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>>17115826
I don't know the husband. If I did then I wouldnt put it past myself to pull him aside and let him know. :/
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>>17115817
i hate cheaters. i've been cheated on twice before by 2 different exes, and it hurt me like a mother fucker. it's also why i'm afraid to commit to something like marriage. i make no excuses for such selfish pieces of shit.

that being said, i suggest you let that coworker of yours handle it, and stay out of it. if i heard this story, i would probably keep my distance from her and let her know she's garbage. none of my business, but that doesn't mean i should associate with people with such shitty character. she should be fucking ashamed of herself.

for fuck's sake, she has children in the picture and she couldn't find some sort of way to communicate with her husband so she wouldn't cheat? there is absolutely no excuse for this.
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>>17115828
She has one child from a previous marriage and the others are the husband's.

Her children are in their late teens and mid twenties.

I am the only one she's told. She says she trusts me because we get along so well. Writing an anon letter would be bad. Again I dont know the husband. I have an idea as to who the other man is. She has given hints and it leads to a young guy that use to work with us, but then it doesnt make sense given the other things she has told me about him. It could be someone I dont know, but have seen around the workplace quite a bit.

That's also where this gets complicated...
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>>17115834
I have shamed her for it. She knows my opinion on this whole matter and she does give it a bit of thought. Regardless, she carries on anyway.

I think she just wants to let it out and knows if she were to tell anyone else then it'd be worse than me knowing.
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tell the husband as soon as you get the chance like the other anon said, i mean obviously dont put yourself in jeopardy, but if you can, you really should, that's so fucked up man. not quite as bad, but similar to if she murdered someone and told you and you kept it secret
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>>17115846

>Caring about the friendship of a cheater.

Lol, if they gonna throw their husbands under the bus by cheating, what kind of moral backbone do you think they have regarding friends?

And your only argument afterwards is that she might be a vindictive bitch, so you shouldn't say anything for fear of reprisal? Stop being such a pussy.
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>>17115817
inform their partners anonymously
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>>17115846
I'm not going to tell the husband because I don't know him. I have only seen a picture of him. I've actually sort of gone through this over the summer.

Someone over heard her telling me about the jist of her affair over the summer and emailed the supposed other man's wife. It started a small shit storm because this guy thought it was me that snitched. Turns out this guy may not be sleeping with my friend, but is cheating on his wife.

Anyway, my friend knew it wasn't me because I know better. The guy thinks it's me that told his wife and hates my guts. Luckily this guy doesn't work with us anymore.

The guy my friend is sleeping with still works with us.
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>>17115857
you can find out through facebook

It's kindof your responsibility to resolve this
think about it. Would you want to know if your wife was fucking other people?
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>>17115900
can you read? nowhere did I say that OP shouldn't say anything. it's up to her if she does or not. but the phrase "don't shit where you eat" exists for a reason. and apparently you have no idea of the damage that a vindictive coworker can wreak. hope you never find out.
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>>17115864
I am. I told her that I'm hear to listen and don't be offended if I give my two cents. She knows I don't condone it.

She tells me that her husband is an asshole and when it comes to sex.. it's not as fun anymore. I told her she needs to communicate that with her husband, yet she either hasn't or tried and he won't listen.

I brought up the idea of breaking it off with both her husband and her lover. She said she doesn't want to leave her husband because she still loves him. she doesnt want to leave the other man because she has "fun" with him and cares about him.

I told her that since the man told her that he loves her, it's only a matter of time before they get caught by their spouses.

Her response? "We've been doing this for 8 years. We won't get caught by our spouses."

I told her that her chances of getting caught has increased dramatically. She won't listen.

I don't know how old the other man's kids are. Her children are in their late teens and early twenties.
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>>17115878
The thing is... I don't know her husband. If I did then I most likely would have tweeted like a little bird by now. She won't tell me who the other guy is. I have my suspicions, but nothing concrete. Everyone is secretive in this place.
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>>17115900
I'm not afraid of telling. The thing is I don't know her husband. If I did then I would be planning the best way to tell him.
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>>17115906
I can't. Her husband doesn't use facebook. I checked.

She also told me the other man and her don't keep contact on facebook. They only have each other's numbers. Supposedly.
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>>17115817
Anon,

It wasn't right for your "friend" to unload this onto you. It is not your responsibility or place to say anything about it, either.

Plus, I find it hard to believe that the cheaters' spouses of 8 years don't know about their spouses infidelity.

Either way, there is too much you don't know and it's none of your business. She is going to keep doing what she wants, despite your having voiced disapproval. Steer clear of that timebomb of a friendship. Remind her that being an adult is difficult and that she might want to consider how her kids would feel if she didn't break it off and they found out. Versus if she just came clean.

BTW - kids at a certain age know when their parents are cheating with others. I hope she isn't fooling herself.
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I agree with you, this is a complicated situation. I think that in the end there's nothing you can really do here. You would need to do snooping / stalking / private detective work just to find the husband and talk to him. That's going a bit too far. Like you say it would feel natural to help a friend who is being cheated on but it's complicated when it's a complete stranger.
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>>17115976
Thanks, I have been keeping her somewhat at a distance. It is none of my business and I want it to stay that way. I just feel horrible knowing this information.

I think her kids may know and just won't say anything. I don't know about the other man's spouse, but I do know my friend'said spouse has no clue do to his schedule with work, church and a couple other things.
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>>17115989
Not to mention the work it'll take trying to find out who the other man is. I have a couple of suspects, but I don't want to get dragged too deep in to this.

Thanks. I'm going to stay out of it. I just wish I never knew about this. I feel so bad knowing two people are being wronged and I'm the only one that knows. I can't do anything about it. I may as well grab some popcorn and get ready to tell my friend "I told ya so" when this eventually blows up on her face. Deep down I really hope they get caught now that the feelings have come out.
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>>17115817
>it's none of my business

just stop being friends with this woman at work
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>>17115926
This is so stupid

If you wanna have "fun" then break up/divorce

Jesus people are disgusting
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>>17115817
To be fair, most women are like that

>inb4 but not all women
That's why I said most.
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>>17116198
Trust me I know. So many women at my job cheat on their spouses. Some of them more than the men do.

I'm just happy I'm not one of them. It's sad.
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>>17116190
That's what I told her. Breaking someone's heart for fun is just plain sad. :/
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>>17115817
lovely.

i fucking hate things like this.

no advice to give other than to remind her of her 'promise' and her 'responsibilities as a wife and mother' but clearly, she's past giving a shit about that.

depressing. cunt.
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>>17116198
Women who do this deserve to be stone to death.
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>>17116331
Tell me about it. I'm keeping my distance from her however I can't do it all the time at work. I'm just keeping up appearances for now to avoid any bullshit.
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I think we need to keep in mind that OP uncovered two cheaters, not one. The co-worker is cheating with a married man. It is unreasonable to use this thread to react emotionally and make an statement about only one gender when both are equally represented.
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>>17116365
Right, it's already bad enough to know my friend's cheating. She made it worse since it's a married man who is in the building as well.

I think another reason why I feel shitty over this is because deep down I want to know who she is sleeping with. I have to keep reminding myself that it's not my business and move on.
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>>17115817
what's their initials? (woman and man)
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>>17116455
Woman's initials is AL.

The other man is not confirmed.

One of the men I suspect is E.C
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>>17116490
that's first and last? I think that squealing is up to your discretion, but like other anons said, don't shit where you eat. Best path would be keeping yourself distant like you said you were doing. When an affair is that extensive, when shit hits the fan, it goes everywhere.
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>>17115817
Tell him anonymously.

You would want someone to do it for you.
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>>17115817
Been doing the same for over 10 years. Pretty much the same story as your friend, kids, not leaving, crap sex at home, not likely to get caught, no intention of stopping, deep feelings for both spouse and affair partner.

Frankly it's nobody else's business and if no harm is being done then why does it matter, although I can see it would have been better if OP hadn't been made a confidant to the affair. So OP, you can't unhear the confession but you can ignore it.
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>>17116520
Yeah, first and last.

I'd rather not. If I knew the husband and IF I wasn't the only person my friend told then I would come up with a hell of a plan.

And thanks I agree. It's like I said before I may as well sit back and get ready to say "I told ya so." when she comes crying to me saying that she got caught.

>>17116534

I would, but I don't the husband and have no way of contacting him. He's a stranger to me. I know his wife says he's an asshole, but he doesn't deserve this.
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>>17115834
That's the problem, people find out and then back the shitty behavior.

No one would do it if we all where decent to one another.
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>>17116549
That's fucked up. I wish I could unhear the confession.
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>>17116551
Your bound to meet him at some point.

I would go out of my way to help a brother out. How much effort you put in is up to you.
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>>17116551
>I would, but I don't the husband and have no way of contacting him. He's a stranger to me. I know his wife says he's an asshole, but he doesn't deserve this.

So if you don't know him or really anything about the situation, why does it matter if he knows? This is entirely a matter for the people having the affair, not you and not even the spouses.
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>>17116555
This is why affairs are conducted in secret.
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>>17116549
>no harm is being done

There's so much harm in so many fucking levels, you're a goddamn moron and you don't deserve a relationship.
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>>17116556
Yeah, that is true.

>>17116561
It matters because anyone in his situation would want to know even if they have no clue to it in the first place.

What you are saying is true. The thing is the friend is making me aware of the situation. I think she wants advice. She may be feeling guilty and is looking to me for help even though she won't do anything. She already knows a shitstorm is coming if her and the lover slip up. Maybe she wants me to give her a big push...
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>>17116573
How? What harm is being is being done? All I see and get is a bit more happiness. I'm not taking anything away from spouse and children, so what does it matter?
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>>17116585
You're being deceptive to your partner. When your partner finds out all hell will break lose. Cheaters always get caught.
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>>17116585
yeah talk to me in 5 years when you dont have a house, a wife, kids out of your sight and you have to pay your ass off in alimony.

Not counting the mental damage and scarring you will cause to your wife and your own goddamned kids that will most likely hate you for it.
when you're in your deathbed and your kids are nowhere to be found, I'm afraid you wouldn't have a right to cry anon
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>>17116578
>The thing is the friend is making me aware of the situation. I think she wants advice. She may be feeling guilty and is looking to me for help even though she won't do anything.

No, I think you're way off base here. People by nature hate keeping secrets. She's happy and wants to share her secret. So many times I've wanted to share my secret but had to really fight hard to stop myself.

As for wanting to know, does the cost justify the need? The cost will be destruction of an otherwise good marital partnership and a broken home for our kids. Other than libido drying up we have a good relationship and no wish to change.

Just because something offends you doesn't give you the right to interfere and destroy someone's marriage.
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>>17116598
Which is why it's better nobody finds out.
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>>17116609
the only one destroying their marriage is his wife and the other husband
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>>17116602
Not going to happen. I have made financial provisions for family and myself that will supersede a divorce and I wouldn't be alone for long. So I'm not worried. I would however prefer the present arrangements continue.
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>>17116617
How?

Are you implying that if her husband is an asshole she wouldn't know he's an ass if it wasn't for the affair? Therefore she should settle for being married to an ass because it's somehow morally superior? Or is the assholes right to be an asshole superior to her right to find some happiness without dismantling her children's lifestyle?
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>>17116609
I didn't think of it that way. It's just the way she told me sounded like she wanted to get a weight off her chest. She also told me that she feels like shit. My friend has been anxious ever since her lover confessed his real feelings. She seems to want to keep the affair up due to the sex.

How I see it, destruction is going to happen regardless. I'm not going to interfere. I already said I wasn't. It is her business after all. I already told her to be careful and if she isn't then she has alot to answer for.

This man confessing to her just made the affair a ticking time bomb.
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>>17116659
>This man confessing to her just made the affair a ticking time bomb.

I agree. It might be he's decided he's had enough of his marriage but he might be just playing up to her feelings. She may also be worried she reciprocates those feelings and doesn't know how to process this, simply because this was unspoken beforehand and she didn't have to think about it.
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Have you tried fucking her anon?
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>>17116676
That's what I'm thinking. She told me that she does have feelings for him though the feelings she has for her husband is stronger.

She told him that she's not leaving her husband.

He said he's not leaving his wife.

She did say that when this started, they both agreed that it was going to be just sex. It seems to have evolved alot more on the other man's end than hers.

>>17116690
She's told me quite a few things about herself. I'd rather not.
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Fuck up her life, she left you feeling like shit.
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>>17116780
I'd only bring problems onto myself. :/
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>>17116786
It's your well being or hers. Chose your path carefully.
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>>17116190
>>17116327
But the fun is predicated upon the secrecy. If you take it away; it falls.
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