Advice how do you cope with having to be someone else to get

>>17075417
>Advice how do you cope with having to be someone else to get the things you want?
I refuse to play the game. Hence why I have been single for over 10 years and haven't gotten laid in that time period, nor do I care.

Being myself is too important to me. If I'm going to be with a girl, then it's going to be with one who "likes" me for who I am, however long that may last.

>>17075420
Do you ever worry that you will wait forever?

>>17075436
Not really. I've had some fulfilling relationships before, and they've always just sort of fallen into my lap. As long as I talk to the right girls and take the right opportunities, I'm sure I'll find someone again. Maybe eventually it'll last long-term, maybe it won't. As much as I enjoy romance, I'm perfectly happy alone as well, so to me it's worth it.

>>17075417
I know this feel, OP.

As a female, I'm expected to wear flattering clothes (ie: not sweatpants and boxers), wear makeup, do my hair, and not say nigger or faggot IRL.

It's kinda disappointing that I have to do these things to find a guy who's not from /r9k/, but I get it. We all judge people based on their appearance, how they speak, and what they say. Unfortunately we can't just be our unadulterated selves all the time, and if we want to excel in society, we actually have to control and be mindful a lot of things about what we say, do, and look like. I've just accepted it as the way things are and learned to work with it. But I'd much rather toss all my makeup in the bin and wear pajamas everywhere.

>>17075449
>I'm expected to wear flattering clothes (ie: not sweatpants and boxers), wear makeup, do my hair, and not say nigger or faggot IRL.
That's... not really what we're talking about. At least that's not how I interpreted the question. I'm sure even OP and myself do the basic stuff like hygiene and wearing appropriate attire. That's kind of besides the point.

>>17075449
>I'm expected to wear flattering clothes (ie: not sweatpants and boxers)
Heaven forbid you're expected to not look like you rolled out of bed, right?

>>17075444
How do you avoid the desire for sex?

>>17075491
It helps that I'm not a virgin. I've already done it plenty of times, and it's great, but not something that I lose sleep over. It might bother me more if I had never gotten laid before, but for me right now it's kinda like "been there, done that." I've got other things to spend my time on.

Also masturbation.

Meh. It's not like men are any different. Most guys are turned off if I swear excessively and talk about horror movies and programming and obscure, experimental music. It isn't who I am on the inside that attract guys, it's how I'm dressed, how girly I pretend to be, etc.

I said fuck that noise... eventually I found someone that clicked, a real partner.

If you want to attract people totally unlike yourself, you have to put on a front. Why is that so surprising?

>>17075503
To be fair, it's kind of different with women. The marketplace is just completely different. There are soooo many guys out there who wouldn't care about any of that crap.

>>17075449
OP here.
>not say nigger or faggot IRL
I lol'ed.
>But I'd much rather toss all my makeup in the bin and wear pajamas everywhere.
I see what you're saying. We all change to fit in some way.

The difference between your plight and mine though is that there are men out there who will respond well to a chick who goes without makeup and wears pajamas, only dressing up infrequently. Let's be real here, most marriages with working parents are so hectic that most nights are makeupless pajama nights.

But that's not what I'm getting at. What I'm speaking on is that women don't actually want equality in a relationship in my experience. I'm a man and I want actual equality, as in sometimes I do the dishes, sometimes she does the dishes. Sometimes I'm taking off for the kids, sometimes she's taking off for the kids. If someone attacks the house, we both fight; she doesn't go run and hide while I go die.

I want actual equality in a partnership.

In my experience, women don't. Women want me to be the big strong man making decisions and having a plan while she grabs the kids and hides while I go off and die. Let me rephrase: women FUCK ME MORE when I act like the big strong man making decisions and shit. Women fuck me less when I have feelings and want equality.

Pajamas and makeup aren't on the same level as my inner emotional and physical personality.

>>17075521
Men and women have different strengths. Women aren't unreasonable for wanting you to have the strengths that are typical of the male gender.

>>17075518
There are also sooooooo many women out there who don't care about guys acting like 'Chad' who are just putting on a front to attract guys... or not putting on a front at all and not caring. Everyone walks around with silly masks for stupid reasons.

>>17075521
Having a partner isn't about having tons of sex... if you actually want a partner, why does that matter so much?

>>17075526
>Men and women have different strengths.
Do you find it "reasonable" then that men make up the upper management of most companies? After all, we're being honest about "strengths."

Now let's flip this. Are men reasonable for wanting traits "typically" associated with women? In other words, are men reasonable for wanting the fattest tits and asses and cutest faces and rejecting women who have perhaps small tits and semi cute faces and that talk too much?

Is that the world you want?

>>17075532
>Everyone walks around with silly masks for stupid reasons
Not everyone. I don't walk around with a mask at all, in fact I am very straight-forward and sincere.

Anyway, OP and I are kind of talking about two different things now. His issue is that he takes issue with traditional gender roles. I can understand that, but it's not the same issue I have.

For my part, I simply despise the cultural norm that states men must chase skirts and pursue women if they want to get with them. I have zero interest in puppy-dogging around and trying to get with every attractive woman I meet until I find one that sticks. Most of the time that means I'm single, which is fine. But it's still annoying that society has that expectation for me.

>>17075532
>if you actually want a partner, why does that matter so much?
Sex is very important to having a partner. Sex matters. Otherwise it's just a great friendship.

>>17075548
>Do you find it "reasonable" then that men make up the upper management of most companies? After all, we're being honest about "strengths."
To the degree that this isn't about boys clubs and whatnot, yes.

>Are men reasonable for wanting traits "typically" associated with women? In other words, are men reasonable for wanting the fattest tits and asses and cutest faces and rejecting women who have perhaps small tits and semi cute faces and that talk too much?
Yes, except that last trait. That's got nothing to do with this. The rest is what makes women attractive. It'd be the same for women wanting men who are muscular with broad shoulders and strong jawlines - they're not unreasonable either. It's not unreasonable for anyone to want someone who's got attractive traits, physical or otherwise.

>Is that the world you want?
This is the world we have. It's reality, and I don't really have a problem with it.

>>17075557
>>17075532
Also, I've found that the best way to have a relationship with a woman is to get her to cum on you.

This is actually backed up by science from what I understand with chemicals being released in the brain at orgasm, etc.

So when you ask "Why is having sex important to a partnership," I think a good answer is that "bonding chemicals" are released at orgasm in my partner's brain, and I want my partner to bond with me.

Interesting fact: Women cum on Chad's more than they cum on Beta Bux Providers. I can absolutely confirm this. I've always been good with my tongue - the rate of women cumming didn't change.

But when I went from 150 to 195 and started letting everyone know I was the shit? Suddenly my dick gained about an inch in girth and two inches in length to hear these women tell it. Suddenly they couldn't stop cumming.

My dick remains the same size.

>>17075557
Yeah, but you don't have to act like Chad to get a partner who wants to have sex with you, and you definitely don't act like Chad to find a partner. And once you have a partner, that should be totally unnecessary. There are so many guys out there in partnerships that act nothing like chad and they didn't get there by acting that way, either. It's not the path to a real partnership.

... Of course, this is making me realise my bf basically requires me to play the pretty princess I said I abhorred above just so I can get sex. Fuck.

>>17075417
>Advice how do you cope with having to be someone else to get the things you want?
>For example, women.
>I went from 150 hopeless romantic to 195 chad.
>But on the inside I'm still looking for a partner..... I get sad about it sometimes.
It sounds to me like you're not getting what you want. You thought you wanted lots of shallow dates and meaningless sex, and so you became someone who gets that. And it worked. Men tend to define themselves by what they do, rather than who they are, but there is power in "being".

But there's a catch: you haveto be careful what you wish for. As it turns out, the hookup culture isn't really what you want. It never was. You want something deeper, more meaningful, but that's not what Chad gets, and so it's not what you get. You're only slightly less lonely, and when you count the additional strain of being something you aren't, it's altogether possible that you actually feel worse.

If you want meaning and depth, you have to be someone who meaning and depth. Someone like, say, yourself.

I will not tell you to abandon Chad completely. What I will tell you to do is reintegrate Chad into yourself. The funny thing about being someone else is that you learn quite a lot, and some of this invariably proves to be good for the mature, gestalt persona that is you. Take these to heart; make them a genuine part of you. Chad taught you to approach women, even though you were scared. He taught you that rejection is not the end of the world; that it stings, but you live, and learn, and move on. He taught you to take care of yourself, to get your life together and make it clear that you are working on your imperfections. These are valuable lessons. Hold onto them, even as you allow yourself to re-emerge.

You don't have to be people you aren't. But you DO have to learn from them. The last time any of us was purely ourselves was about a minute after we were born; ever since then, we have been learning from others. Just keep doing that.

>>17075449
I dunno, I don't think having to put on nice clothes, makeup, etc. is really comparable to trying/pretending to be someone you're not.

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>>17075626
Isn't that response just so typical?

>Waaahh I have to look nice, I'm so oppressed

>>17075615
God damn i appreciate this post (not OP btw). Thank you anon.

>>17075615
God damn i appreciate this post (OP btw). Thank you anon.

Ah, I figured out exactly what my issue is now.

Okay, so when you're a woman, you get guys coming up to approach you, right? You don't really have to "sell yourself" to anyone, so to speak. You don't have to put yourself on display and try to make guys think you're worth their time.

Well, it's different for men. Men have to be salesmen. Men have to pander shamelessly to women in order to get their attention, to even get the time of day.

I refuse to do that. I will never do that. If any woman can't see my positive traits simply through typical conversation on a normal day, then fuck her. She can have the desperate guys chasing after her. That's not the game I play.

>>17075444
I like you.

>>17075615
This is pretty excellently written and probably exactly what you need to hear, OP.

Bump not op

>>17075691
>17075691
neckbeard aaaah

I'm similar in this regard, I really could care what the girl wears. I'd rather that she didn't wear makeup as well. I'm much more attracted to the person on the inside.

The trick is unless a friend introduces to this girl you'll never find them. Girls who are "hot" typically aren't attractive.

I give 0 fucks about fashion. I'd rather walk around with a variety of plaid, joke graphic tees (not words, but like a Looney toons, or pilsbury dough boy) However at work I'm wearing a shirt and tie everyday.

>>17078228
Aren't attractive to me* I just don't want to date a fat girl, and someone who is on a similar fitness level to me.

>>17078222
>neckbeard
Not even close. I'm a normal person just like anyone else. The only difference is that I won't lower myself to grovelling at the feet of women just to get laid.

Hopefully not a "hopeless romantic" that's a fat, creepy, autistic guy with unwashed hair that writes bad poetry? That's the image I get from that.

Many people get into the sort of best-friend/soul mate kind of relationships. So you can get sex, that's what a lot of people do, stop thinking of it as an achievement. It doesn't take much to do that, it's plain. If you want to get into a warm loving relationship you have to be interesting, have some life in you, whatever. Point is you have to be a real person, whereas the meat market requires nothing but having a body and not being a freak.

>>17078507
If you're going to be elitist about it, just do what I did.

And I didn't do it because I thought I was 'better' than the status quo or anything like that. I just didn't have time to fuck around and play games with people, so I didn't.

Lose all inhibitions and just be yourself. Not in a "my better looking friends say this to me to make me feel better" way, for the record. Just like.. Throw it all out there. Have some friendly conversation, and don't make it easy for them. Find out more about them, and tell them more about yourself. Get deep. Don't pander, show your strengths and flaws all at once (without over sharing, just be a fearless but interesting conversationalist). They should know what your deal is after a few conversations, good or bad. If that makes them uncomfortable, then they probably aren't looking for what you're looking for or they can't handle the truth. Let it be, they had no obligation to like you. But maybe you'll find someone just as direct, just as interesting, and perhaps just as interested in you as you are them.

Give it a shot boyo.

>>17078529
What the fuck are you even talking about, nigger? I don't need advice from you or anyone else on this. I already am myself - That's the entire point. Stop talking out of your ass to make yourself feel smarter than you are when it isn't necessary.

>>17078541
Not the guy you're responding to, but you're definetly not yourself.

>I like the idea of equality... as in true equality. I want a true partner. I also want companionship and sex, etc.
> And now there's this gnawing feeling in my gut whenever a girl spreads her legs again like "You're just doing this because I know what to say, do, and how to be."

So you're fucking girls that you don't like on the inside, while you want someone you like on the inside, while stating you're 'being yourself'. If you really were being you, you wouldn't be fucking around.

>>17078541
> "I don't need advice"
> on /adv/

Ah, right, what was I thinking.

Eat a dick, you stupid trumped-up cuck.

>>17075449
>As a female, I'm expected to wear flattering clothes (ie: not sweatpants and boxers), wear makeup, do my hair, and not say nigger or faggot IRL.
There are women that can look good (or even better) without makeup, but the are extremely rare. My ex didn't need makeup.

>>17078546
Those aren't from me, Anon. Those are from OP, which is not me.

>>17078550
I'm not OP. I was someone responding to OP and talking to him.

>Advice how do you cope with having to be someone else to get the things you want?

women arent things broseph

celebrate the accomplishments and happiness of others and this will attract more happiness and accomplishments to your own life

so dont be a jealous cockmonkey

>be yourself
>treat women as individuals with personalities

Seriously, I was watching that one documentary on involuntary celibates and all I could think was "these people cannot get banged because they can't even bother to treat women like they're people too."

>>17078617
Some people come from soulless places, with artificial culture, fake personalities, and strip-malls. Combine that with never travelling to other cultures, and some weird parenting, and you get a kid with a boxed-in toxic mindset.

>>17075417
You speak of authenticity. This is not an easy thing to live with. It's very important to me, and because it is...I will probably be single for a very...long time. People as authentic as my ex don't come wandering into my life every day.

I want respect and equality too. I'm sensitive and in touch with my emotions...but gender roles fuck me over. Everyone thinks I'm Asian. With the stereotypes of Asian males in society…I don't stand a chance, unless I live in a very diverse area, which I don't.

Don't listen to the women in this thread, OP
They literally don't understand your pain or what you are talking about
They may attempt to, but it is still lost on them

That's just how it is
That's just how the genders are and need to act
You have been fed lies about equality, while in reality females are the one who refuse to let go of gender roles, namely masculine ones

Nothing you can do about it
Drinking may help dull the pain, hold it all inside and act tough on the outside. Don't open your heart. That's just what it means to be a man.
No one ever said it's going to be easy.

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>>17075635
You're right
And I hate it

I think there's a good balance to strike. Heterosexuality is ultimately about liking what is different from you. Despite you wanting an equal partner, you probably want a woman who's naturally nurturing, sensitive/warm and kind. This is the same the other way around. That there is difference between you doesn't mean that either party doesn't pull their weight. Of course there are a lot of relationships in which this does happen, both ways, but that's when you break up and look for someone else.

If you mean 100% equal in the sense that there is nothing remotely resembling archetypes, then I do agree that it would be quite hard to find.

>>17078660
This makes me really sad. I really hope you guys find someone who makes you happy and feel equal.

I found someone for me, and it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I hope you guys find it too.

>>17078719
Let me tell you something, my friend

I did find someone who made me feel happy and equal. Having someone at my back in equal footing in this harsh world was one of the greatest feelings I ever experienced. I felt absolutely invincible and it was perhaps the greatest thing to happen to me as well. As long as we supported each other, we could do anything.

Very easy going, we could talk out any of our problems without judgement and gain the full support of the other.

But there was an eventual snag in our relationship. And she wouldn't tell me what was depressing her. I figured to just give her time and she would open up eventually and I would help her as I always did, but things only got worse.
Eventually I manned up and aggressively forced it out of her. And I fixed the problem also by force.

And she couldn't be happier afterwards. She even admitted that she was quite excited that I yelled at her. She liked the aggressive me and found it more dependable. For some reason, it didn't sit right with me, but I kept quiet about it.

I'll still respect her more than any other woman for being honest about how she truly feels.Things are a little different after that. I just accepted my role.

>>17075417
I hear you OP, on top of the things you mentioned, I'm also a geek/nerd. I have to hide that side of me constantly with women, as must find it a turnoff or at best, immature.

>>17078660
Fucking redpillers. Keep the cancer in the containment threads, creep.

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>>17075691
>Okay, so when you're a woman, you get guys coming up to approach you, right? You don't really have to "sell yourself" to anyone, so to speak. You don't have to put yourself on display and try to make guys think you're worth their time.
LOL! Women don't have to "sell themselves," don't have to "put themselves on display?" That's exactly what women do, although the way they sell themselves is typically more passive than the way men are expected to sell themselves.

As much as the gender roles suck as a man, women have it worse, as anyone could be some psycho that will kidnap them, torture them, and/or kill them. Knowing what I know, if I have a daughter, she will be strongly encouraged to take a self-defense class or study a martial art, so she doesn't have to think about those things as much as others do.

>>17079022
>That's exactly what women do, although the way they sell themselves is typically more passive
Oh no, a girl has to look pretty. Give me a break.

Men have to look good, too, you know. But they also have to do MORE. Just looking good isn't enough for men, but it sure as hell is for women.

>>17075417
Frankly, I don't fake anything. Everyone can see exactly who I am, and I answer every question as honestly as possible. Don't hide my "power level" or anything.

This is mainly because I saw my parents' marriage. My father is an introvert, and never managed to find anyone remotely compatible. He married my mother, a raging extrovert, and past the first year he couldn't keep up the act anymore. She stayed for the kids, and was miserable throughout the entire relationship. Nothing but anger, sadness, arguing, yelling, fighting, etc.

I'm not going to do that to a girl. 21 now, haven't found anyone yet. Perhaps I never will.
But if the alternative is following in my father's footsteps, I'll gladly die alone.

.>>17075526
>Women aren't unreasonable for wanting you to have the strengths that are typical of the male gender.
Yes, that is unreasonable. It's 2016. That's called "sexism".
If I say that any proper woman must be able and willing to cook me dinner, clean the house, iron my slacks, stay at home all day caring for the kids, never talk back, be perfectly submissive in bed and in public, and always defer to my judgement, then I am very old-fashioned and shouldn't expect to find such a woman in this day and age.
And if I insult, belittle, disrespect, or generally look down upon women who don't behave this way, then I am rightfully considered a chauvinist ass.

I don't expect women to fulfill their historically traditional role. They shouldn't expect me to fulfill mine.

>>17075521
Are these the specific problems you have? The only thing you said women aren't doing with you is fighting off intruders. Equal rights/responsibilities don't mean equal strengths. If you're looking to find someone 100% equal to you, that's going to be hard in general, let alone for a relationship.

>>17078617
oh fuck off you double nigger
I treat everyone equally, it got me male friends only
they like me despite being fat, ugly, beta but for woman I'm like a freak better to be avoided or talk shit to
many funny things happened when I was socializing with my mates with their girlfriends or female friends, woman just can't comprehend how I can be friend with their boyfriends