scholarship essay grammar/wording help

>>17002319
It's only clunky cause it's wordy
>Food should never go to waste. That's why I'm pursuing methods to efficiently process, repurpose and utilize food manufacturing byproducts.
The key to good writing is saying the most with the least.

>>17002341
fuck that was fast and effective

although, shouldnt there be a more appropriate punctuation symbol/use between those two sentences
wanna help me with the rest of my essay?

>>17002341
Or to make it flow better (if you have space)
Food should never go to waste, (additional bit emphasizing that food should never go to waste). That's why ...

>>17002353
Yeah you noticed it didn't flow that well hence my other post. You could make it a comma too instead of two sentences. Sure I'll help I'm low on karma right now.

Food should never go to waste. That's why I'm pursuing methods to efficiently process, repurpose and utilize food manufacturing byproducts. I want to make my innate love of chemistry into tangible results that benefit and improve food production. I plan to complete the Master’s and PhD Food Science and Technology programs from either the University of California, Davis, or Cornell University. It is my goal to join either of their respective projects focusing on the conversion agricultural waste into valuable products. My vision is to work in academic research as a professor of food science or as a chemist with the United States Department of Agriculture. I believe either of these positions will allow me to apply the sum of all my knowledge, experiences and unique perspective to propose solutions to problems in the food and agricultural industries.

>>17002401
oh wait hows this:
>Food should never go to waste, and as a food science student, I am in unique position to take action. That's why I'm pursuing methods to efficiently process, repurpose and utilize food manufacturing byproducts. I want to make my innate love of chemistry into tangible results that benefit and improve food production. I plan to complete the Master’s and PhD Food Science and Technology programs from either the University of California, Davis, or Cornell University. It is my goal to join either of their respective projects focusing on the conversion agricultural waste into valuable products. My vision is to work in academic research as a professor of food science or as a chemist with the United States Department of Agriculture. I believe either of these positions will allow me to apply the sum of all my knowledge, experiences and unique perspective to propose solutions to problems in the food and agricultural industries.

>>17002404
Mostly good here's a version with a more varied sentence structure.
>Food should never go to waste, and as a food science student, I am in unique position to take action. That's why I'm pursuing methods to efficiently process, repurpose and utilize food manufacturing byproducts. My goal is to turn my love of chemistry into tangible results that benefit and improve food production. I plan to complete the Master’s and PhD Food Science and Technology programs from either the University of California, Davis, or Cornell University. It is my goal to join either of their respective projects focusing on the conversion agricultural waste into valuable products. My vision is to work in academic research as a professor of food science or as a chemist with the United States Department of Agriculture. I believe either of these positions will allow me to apply the sum of all my knowledge, experiences and unique perspective to propose solutions to problems in the food and agricultural industries.
I think you can go from here but I think the two concluding sentences could be better? your call

>>17002473
Forgot to copy it oops
>Food should never go to waste, and as a food science student, I'm in a unique position to take action. That's why I'm pursuing methods to efficiently process, repurpose and utilize food manufacturing byproducts. I believe my innate love of chemistry can be turned into tangible results, as long as I have a solid plan. First I will complete the Master’s and PhD Food Science and Technology programs from either the University of California, Davis, or Cornell University. From there I can get involved in some very respectable projects - projects like converting agricultural waste into products that people can use. My vision is to work as a professor of food science or as a research chemist with the United States Department of Agriculture. Either of these positions will allow me to seriously apply my knowledge and experiences to propose solutions to problems in the food and agricultural industries.

File: 1425137235341.png (58KB, 385x456px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 385x456px

>>17002473
>>17002480
Perfect. Thanks so much anon/anonette

Oh I know the last sentence could go
>I can see myself working as a professor of food science or with the United States Department of Agriculture as a research chemist, but either of these positions would allow me to apply my knowledge, which I think could seriously benefit problems in the food and agricultural industries.