Jobless bf wants to move in

>>16996787
Don't do it. Also dump his pathetic manchild ass.

Tell him he can move in once he gets a job, then it becomes a win/win situation for you.

>>16996795
That's not going to solve the problem, there's no guarantee that he'll contribute to the bills and rent. Especially considering he lives with his mother because it's 'more cost-efficient'. And there's also the fact that he doesn't clean up or cook and I suspect it'd get worse if OP let him move in.

>>16996787
Why is being anti-marriage a con?

You would be the only one to lose something in case of divorce.

Also if you're creating this thread with all this stuff why the fuck are you still considering senpai

Opie instruct him to get a job at walmart. Not joking here. No one is above doing retail (Though retail isn't for all personality types) and walmart is always hiring. Stick around, never be late, and do your work and they'll love you.

It's not optimal but it's something.

You need to set your boundaries down since he would be moving into your place and let him decide if he still wants to do it.

Like have a serious talk and ask him if he was joking about the furniture thing, and if he says no, then lay out what you expect from him. I would suggest, very minimal, him paying half the rent and bills and cleaning up after his own messes. At the very least. Also he needs a job before he moves in.

If he doesn't like that idea, then don't let him move in. Remember, you don't have to be mean in how you tell him, just firm. Especially if you think you can't afford the both of you.

>>16996802

I live at my parents and have 100,000$ saved up, you can put quotes in 'cost-efficient' as much as you like, it doesn't make it less true.

But regardless, it sounds like you really don't hold this guy very highly; you think he's lazy, cheap, irresponsible, and a loser...are you asking us for permission to break up with him? Well permission granted.

>>16996803
Anti-marriage is not a con, but his insisting to move in would have made more sense to me if he was after something more long-term and serious.
There are some nice parts to our relationship, we share a hobby and have lots of stuff to talk about, and everything would be good if not for his weird insisting that we live together.

>>16996825
I'm not OP, and I'm not saying it's *not* cost efficient - I acknowledge that it is - I'm saying that he sounds like a cheap-ass who doesn't want to pay rent and bills, since that's his reason for living with his mother. I wouldn't be surprised if he similarly leeched off OP if he moved in with her, even if he got a job. That was my point, and it sounds like OP has a similar suspicions.

>>16996825
I also think the cost-efficient part is true...at least in the situation with his mum, he doesn't seem overly attached to her or anything.
I'm not asking for a reason or permission to break up with him, just trying to get more opinions on this situation.

>>16996787
>28, jobless
NEET? or what is he doing with his life, anyway?
That's a big issue, bigger than how to split costs and responsabilities while cohabitating.
If he's a NEET, you can't cohab.

>>16996840
Yes, from his behaviour it does seem like that might happen. He doesn;t seem like the most responsible person with his money- last weekend I had some friends over and he couldn't afford to chip in some money for pizza- because he had recently spent a lot on getting his car washed and polished.
>>16996824
Thanks for the reply- I am not the strongest when it comes to boundary-setting in relationships, but I am working on it. And I definitely can't afford both of us. I am living on less than half the minimum wage (just my scholarship) and for now it's enough because I have cheap meals (think frozen veggies with rice or worse) most of the week so I can afford to splurge on ingredients for special occasions/when he comes over.

>>16996871
>because he had recently spent a lot on getting his car washed and polished.
He isn't doing anything with his life, why couldn't he do this himself? He does sound irresponsible as fuck, don't you dare move in with him, because it's just going to get worse

>>16996871
Then he needs to at least know that. Because what would you do if he moved in and didn't pay for anything? Would you just let that happen and lose your place? You need to think things through and ask him what he plans on doing (little bit longer term) if he does move in. Tell him your concerns as well.

>>16996871
you sound like an awesome gf and he sounds like a deadbeat. 4 months.... are you sure this is the guy?

>>16996858
His job contract expired. He is very good at self-educating via youtube videos and vlogs and whatnot, and currently he is trying to turn his main hobby into a source of income.
I did try and suggest to get a job in a similar position to what he had but the only guys hiring now are a gaming company and he won't take it because they fire people randomly all the time.

>>16996884
Ok, that happens all the time. How long has it been? If he doesn't get any money in 4 months, it will be harder to get a job afterwards, 6 months to a year and it basically doesn't happen (usually, IIRC the statistics).

He might not know how to deal with having less money available now, which isn't a good sign, but isn't a death sentence either.

How long has it been, anyway?

your boyfriend sounds like my sister's boyfriend. she's 26 and he's 31. he still lives with his parents, has no real ambitions/goals, and works a maximum of 14 hours per week at their mutual job because more than that is "too much" (he makes extra money by buying stuff from the store, a resale shop, and reselling it which is against store policy). you're not being unreasonable, honestly. it sounds like he's looking to house hop, maybe his mom is trying to push him out of the nest? the base question here is would you want him to move in? it's your place so you hold the judgment here. if no, then simply tell him that you can't afford to have him with you at the moment. if yes, tell him you'll consider it if he gets his act together.

>>16996894
It's been one month. I know the job market can be tough, and from what he's told me he's had a lot of luck until now- started to work while he was still in uni and his last salary was pretty big if you ask me. He does have some issues with money- he has a credit from buying a car. But when I met him it seemed to me like he had his shit together- and we knew each other for almost 6 months before getting together.

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>>16996787

>he’s 28 and still living at home

>he’s jobless- and my student’s budget doesn’t always allow fancy food and drinks, which he sometimes gets whiny about.

>he is anti-marriage

>provide no money, help around the house or eventual marriage

>couldn't afford to chip in some money for pizza- because he had recently spent a lot on getting his car washed and polished.

You are dating a grade A, 100% bonafide fucking loser. The fact that you're even WITH him, forget the fact that he wants to move in, is pathetic.

He's an absolute dead end. Motivation-less, jobless, deadbeat leech who doesn't want to get married and sits around on his ass at his mom's house all day.

You're considering letting this sack of shit move in to your house rent free and leech off of you too?

Jesus, you're dumb.

>>16996917
Chill, she just said his contract wasn't renewed last month.
He's still acting disrespectfully towards her and her limited budget, but it's not all bad.
If he job-jumps right, he might get paid more than before. He just HAS to do it NOW, before the end of this month for sure.

>>16996914
Do you want to help him out right now? It sounds like he has a safe home to crash at, anyway, you could just wait until he gets a new job or monetizes his hobby, just to play it safe.

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>>16996923

>Chill, she just said his contract wasn't renewed last month. He's still acting disrespectfully towards her and her limited budget, but it's not all bad.

Honestly, his lack of employment is the least of my concerns. Did you READ any of what she wrote?

He's a grown man who doesn't have enough money for food because he spends it getting his car washed.

He is almost 30 completely depending on the women in his life to support him while he makes poor decisions, and on TOP of that is a complete asshole about it when he doesn't get his way.

Instead of being a reasonable adult and speaking with his girlfriend about moving in for a spell he just randomly suggests moving in his furniture and offers absolutely no support, financial or emotional.

>it's not all bad.

Considering he is nearly 30 years old, yes. It is all bad. Maybe if he were 19 some of this behavior might be understandable but getting a job will not help the fact that he's an inconsiderate, unmotivated asshole.

Ditch him and ditch him now. He's a fucking loser. If you have any brains in your head you'll realize that taking care of a man-child is not a viable future for you.

>>16996923
Thanks. I will try to motivate him to keep searching- heck, he knows a lot of people in the business, he has a good chance. But maybe his ego is still too big to accept a lower-paying job than before.
>>16996932 I'm helping him in the ways I can, without throwing myself too much off-balance. I'm in my last uni year and it gets hard sometimes, but he can always count on me for encouragement, advice with his small business thing and homemade food.
I don't know, 4 months of dating seems pretty crazy for me to live with someone- my longest relationship was 2 years and not even then did I live with my bf.
But yeah, if he would make enough money for himself and some to spare on me, I'm sure the things would change- he could at least do the fancy grocery shopping for me if anything.
I think his friends play a huge role in what he's used to- last time we went out to have dinner his friends (a couple) invited us for a double date and the girl-his best friend- paid his meal. Maybe since he's used to her being this generous he also expects me to be?

>>16996787
>TL;DR jobless bf hints at moving together, but would provide no money, help around the house or eventual marriage.

Lucky guy. So him living at home and him not having a job are not a problem for you? Interesting.

Honestly OP, unless he is willing to marry, and willing to take on the responsibility of basically being a House Husband, I'd would ditch him. He has to bring something to the relationship, either in the form of a Job, or the responsibility of a home.

You can't change him either. If he doesn't want it now, he probably never will. He'll just end up using you and that is it.

>>16996954
>He's a grown man who doesn't have enough money for food because he spends it getting his car washed.
Yeah, he does love his car and getting mods for it and other complicated things.
In the pizza thing what bothered me most was not even offering to pay the tip for the pizza. You know, any contribution no matter how small.
Instead, the biggest part was paid by my guy friend who ironically is also my ex (we were never serious but imagine how bad my bf looked in his eyes)

>>16996787
He's a leech. You had your fun with him but it's time to cut him off

You seem like a bit of a people pleaser or something. I wouldn't let him move in, maybe blame it on the lease or landlord if you have to.

>>16997072
Maybe I am being too nice to him... I don't want to let him move right now. Maybe later. after 2-3 years if he will have a stable career. But I wish he stopped insisting and hinting.
And the apartment is mine- I'm really lucky because the utilities don't cost a lot and I can afford not having a roomie.

>>16996787
>28 year old man living off of mommy
>Anti marriage
>Doesn't pay for basic things like meals
>No mention of job hunting
>Trying to invite himself to live in your home

What are you doing with your life? Why do you believe you have to settle for such an obvious piece of shit? Do you have not a shred of dignity/self respect? Where are your parents?

If I was your father I wouldn't let this old man do this to you, sweetheart.

>>16997028
Yep this. You need to get rid of him.

>>16997111
The trips of truth have spoken.

>>16997111
she's only 21, she's got her shit together in a lot of ways but she's going to have to learn this lesson the hard way. fingers crossed he doesn't get her preggo.

>>16997111
He is searching for a job, but halfheartedly if you ask me. as in, he won't take anything worse paid than what his last job paid him, and also won't take jobs he sees as too 'lowly' for him.
My parents are divorced and currently only my dad lives in the same country as me. I did mention this guy and my dad said that unless he's paying everything for me then he's not my boyfriend. lol

Thanks for the concern and regarding my self-respect, even though this thread centers around my relationship with him I do plenty of other things with my life. trying to improve myself and get better in my career field etc.

Also I should mention I'm not from the US, I'm from a small European country- so that might make a difference, culturally. Here it's common to live with your parents until you get married.

>>16996871
>I have cheap meals (think frozen veggies with rice or worse) most of the week so I can afford to splurge on ingredients for special occasions/when he comes over.

You sound like an awesome girlfriend. I hope I can find a girl who will do that for me.

>>16997136
Wow, oh shit, do you think that he might be trying to make that happen? ....I have a medical condition that makes me fertile very rarely (like once a year or less). We do it without a condom because of this.... it's been a while since I thought of the risks of this. Thanks for the wake up call man.

>>16997157
No, I am serious, but I was genuinely shocked, I never considered this before. He hates kids and wouldn't want one, and I hate the feeling of condoms; we stopped using protection at my suggestion, and he always pulls out.
I mean, with my condition you need a fertility treatment if you want kids, and I take a pregnancy test just in case every few months.

>>16997198
sorry, deleted my post b/c it felt unnecessarily antagonistic

Yeah, don't feel bad about setting boundaries. Sounds like you don't want him moving in, so don't let him until he shapes up. And if you don't see him as a long-term thing then don't let him move in at all.

>>16997256
Thanks. I'll do that. It's just that all my friends are saying ohh but he's nice to you, he drives you around and stuff, don't be a bitch and not let him move in, love finds a way! -_-
well...it was nice hearing some other opinions on this.

>he wants to move in
>we've been dating for 4 months

Stopped reading there. This is all anyone here should have to know before telling you to ABORT ABORT ABORT

>>16996787

OP.

Your concerns are 100% legitimate. Let's run through a few things.

>He is anti-marriage.
Then why are you with him? Are you in this relationship to move towards a life long relationship? If so, then this is something that you'll need to address sooner or later, regardless of how long you put it off. If he really doesn't want to get married and you want to, then your relationship is already dead. It's just about when you're both willing to admit it. Again, your concerns are legitimate, so is his in this regard (to an extent). He's made himself clear, neither of you are 'wrong' per se, but you are completely incompatible in this regard.

>Unable to bring income/being a parasite.
Ask yourself, is this okay? If not, you simply need to let him know. This is your life. You're the one who is in charge of making it a good one. When you avoid hard issues because of potentially hurt feelings, you're not doing yourself any favors. You need to have the courage to stand up for what YOU want. Do you want a partner who will contribute and bring something to the table? Then get one.