Landlady discovered how disgusting I am

Own up to being disgusting. Decide if you want to stay that way or change.

If you want to stay that way, let them know.

If you want to change, set some ground rules to help you out and let them know you're serious. Things like door open unless you're sleeping or masturbating. Always going to the bathroom to piss. Emptying all garbage weekly on garbage day (if your garbage collection is bi-weekly then still take it out every Tuesday or whatever).

they seem like they just want to help you, apologize and try to better yourself I guess?

The same way you got along with them before. There is no other way. It colors their relationship with you, but it need not do the reverse.

You need help, OP. Harness what you are feeling: let it drive you. See a therapist. Hell, even setting up an account on Habitica is better than nothing. But fight the urge to run.

>>16980837
>Therapy
I was considering this actually, just to get someone qualified to vent to. I'm on the verge of failing this year of my degree, and I think I hide away as a coping mechanism. Either way, I absolute hate the idea of making excuses to justify my behaviour. I simply have no idea how I'm going to look them in the eyes again.

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>>16980827
If that lady is old maybe she didn't realize it's actually piss in those bottles. I would start with apologizing for the mess, but as for piss bottles I'd stick with "Don't ask don't tell".

>>16980827
So... Not only are you a fat, greasy, disgusting piece of human filth, but also mentally challenged?

You knew you were going to be away. You know you live with other people. You know people are curious. You know you have disgusting piss bottles in your room.

Pray tell. Why did you not, at the very least, dispose of those?

You may as well be homeless, with how you 'live'.

>>16980827
They want to help you op.
Use this shame and turn it into a desire to improve. Keep your space clean in the future so you won't have to feel this way in the future.
If they start to ask you or shame you about it, apologize and say that you realize now how bad it's gotten and that you're actively working of developing tidy habits.

>>16980848

It's not a matter of "making excuses," it's a matter of getting help, dude. This kind of behavior is almost ALWAYS an early warning sign of mental illness. You should see a doctor and just talk to them and tell them what's going on.

>I'm on the verge of failing this year of my degree, and I think I hide away as a coping mechanism

You're going downhill, dude, and I think you know it. But you don't seem to know that it isn't exactly your fault. Does this behavior really FEEL like a choice?

You're actually "making excuses" right now, because it's scary to think you might be diagnosed with something. But that's be the first step to getting better. It's not too late for you yet, not even close. You can pull it all back together, but I don't think you can do it all alone, without professional advice.

>>16980832
>>16980833
>>16980837
>>16980860
Thanks, everyone. I know I'll definitely have to bite the bullet when I get back, but the positivity really does make me feel better about things.

>>16980856
Honestly, I think I'd kinda gotten used to risking it. I used to worry about people coming in, but that fear just faded over time as no-one did. I knew sooner or later it would bite me in the ass, but fuck it.

>>16980864
I really don't see what I could be diagnosed with. Outside of my little containment room, I'm perfectly normal. I've just developed a shitty habit of letting my personal space become disgusting.

Shit OP this was me a year ago minus the piss bottles. Even I'm not that disgusting. Anyway I had a lot of beer bottles laying around and pizza boxes.
Fortunately though, pizza and beer are the recipe for a party so I lied saying I had a wild party last night and couldn't clean because I was at work the next morning. I don't think he believed but it was easier for me to wake up and realize it's wrong. I've been exceptionally clean since.

>>16980938
Yeh, there likely around 7-8 pizza boxes tucked under my bed, some of them also contain the bones from chicken wings.

They say they "want to help", but I get the impression that might be in the sense of "we'll let you stay until you find somewhere new".

>>16980827
just piss in the toilet man

like, it's pretty easy.

probably easier than pissing in a bottle.

jesus christ.

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>>16980827
and I thought piss bottle is just a meme
>tfw being alive in a time when meme and reality intertwine

Do you also have poop hidden in your drawer as it is way more convenient than having to go to the toilet.

>>16981068
Not him but I've pissed in a bottle and I'm a reasonably attractive man with a long term girlfriend and a good job.

The bottle pissing thing is hard to explain until you've actually felt the need to do it. It's not that you can't get up and go to the toilet and piss, but rather that it seems somehow MORE awkward to do. Like you might wake someone up and have to talk to them, or you have anxiety that other people will hear you pee or flush the toilet at the least, and next thing you know, you're looking right at that empty bottle and tell yourself "I can just throw it out later and no one will ever know", and piss in it.

Then you fall asleep and pretend that you DIDN'T piss in a bottle last night and put it behind the TV, and there it stays.

It's... complicated.

>>16980827
They think you're a hoarder.

>>16981076
When needing to pee late at night, I usually pee in the toilet and don't flush until the next morning (or my roommate flushes if they get up before me). I do the same for them if the roles are flipped, it's just something that naturally happened. Though if you need to poop then you're shit *hehe* out of luck.

>>16981216
That's what the shit jug is for

>>16981179
But I'm happy to say goodbye to things. I don't collect anything, I just don't really do anything with them.

I just fucking hate that they have had to deal with that stuff, and I hate myself for putting them in that position.

>>16981225
I thought that was just for making jenkem?

>>16981240
I know. But most likely, they don't get it. They've probably watched some shit about hoarding on TV and diagnosed you. That explains why they said not to worry, and that they are not throwing away your things.

>>16981248
That's the prize you get for saving your waste.