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the damned EX

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ok, i need a reality check

>dating bf for 6 months
>he has a close female friend that he regularly sees
>they only do stuff on their own
>he once showed me something on his phone and a message from her popped up. there where kisses and hearts
>he has random selfies of her on his phone (he showed me one)
>he goes to her house and uses the sauna there - WITH her
>he once low key told me that she is his ex
>i suggested that she joins us when we went out as a group so i could get to know her but she refused (as he said, i don't actually know if he even asked)
>on the other hand he has cancelled plans with her to see me
>he is very nonchalant about the whole thing
>he doesn't act secretive about her but isn't very open either
>he seems to not see ANYTHING wrong with being so close friends with an ex
>otherwise he is the best bf ever, no complaints

what do? i am on a wild ride between wanting to stab the bitch and feeling like i am paranoid and they really are just friends.
to make things 100% worse, i am extremely awkward. i can't bring myself to just talk to him about the fact that she makes me uncomfortable.

pls adv... i urgently need somebody to just talk to me about the issue. he's currently with her and i am not feeling well at all. in fact, feel like utter shit.
Yeah he's fucking her on the side. 99% probability (I pulled that statistic out of my ass). But really.

Even if he's NOT fucking her, he obviously has so little regard for your feelings that he refuses to treat you well. Do you really want to be with a man who "doesn't see a problem" with being in a sauna with his ex girlfriend AND he doesn't bring the ex around to allay your fears?

A man who isn't hiding shit would just bring her around and the two of you could talk about the fact that they are using the sauna together... why? because that's how people act when they give a shit about their partner's feelings.

the fact that he's cancelled plans too? my god woman you gotta run, run now before you get absolutely shat on.
You're allowed to be uncomfortable about this, and it's perfectly reasonable. You should talk to him and tell him straight what you feel and why. If he continues to act like this, he's not only acting shady, but he's also disregarding your feelings.
>the fact that he's cancelled plans too?
Not OP, but he cancelled plans with his ex to see OP
nice. now i'm going to start crying.
what is wrong with me? why can't i just tell him that i don't like this like a normal human being?
>You should talk to him and tell him straight what you feel and why
i tried... the words won't come out of my mouth. i am a fucking coward
Feel weird for saying this, but the guy is a narcissistic cunt. If she is his ex, and probably is (if what you just said is true), then he is cheating. Dump him.
Well you're going to have to. If you need to, try writing it down and reading from that or sending it as a letter
>narcissistic cunt
i swear anon, with any other guy i would have wholeheartedly agreed. but wih my bf... it's so out of character. it doesn't make sense in the slightest. fuck
can you PLEASE help me with that? i tried and i fail miserably.
what do i even say?
Just because he doesn't openly disrespect your will doesn't mean he isn't a manipulative, passive-aggressive asshole. Still, there is the SLIM chance he is just an oblivious cretin. Come back after you've confronted him about the issue and know his opinion about the matter - though you probably won't need /adv/ afterwards.
whoa what lol, op you gotta dump this guy. there is no way he just sees her as a "friend" especially if she is an ex.

i don't care how open he is about seeing his ex, it means jack shit. he wants his cake and to eat it too and thinks being "honest" will let him get away with it to both you and his conscience.
I don't know if I can, only you know the feelings you're experiencing right now
>oblivious cretin
i strongly steer towards this. he is a bit awkward and shy himself, so it is POSSIBLE that he is just absoultely not aware of how unacceptable the whole situation is...
i just CAN'T wrap my head around the fact that he might be so downright bad. it feels so wrong. i can't imagine him being able to pull stunts like this
well, i am a hot mess. i am experiencing strong anxiety, anger, confusion, sadness, dissapointment, mixed with hope and trying to not jump to conclusions
Here's some real advice, say all this to your bf instead of strangers on 4chan.
i am painfully aware of the fact that you are absolutely right. but pls, if you could also give me advice on how to get over myself? i can't talk to him about this. i am unable to. the words just don't come out...i need help so urgently.
I'd suggest an email or a letter then.

To stab him in the back I'd phrase it like you'd want to have sex with him in a text and then when he'd show up wear clothing to tell him that it's over.
what? no! i need to learn how to have a mature talk, not do passive agressive shit like this...
If nothing's going on and he's a reasonable person, talking to him should be fine. If it doesn't go well, he probably is cheating and is upset about getting caught. Talking to him will only show you the facts, not change them. It's sort of like going to the doctor when you're sick. Getting diagnosed doesn't create the problem, it just brings it to your attention. If you think about it like this and you still can't talk to him about it, you need to consider why you feel so hesitant about that before you can think about his ex.
>you need to consider why you feel so hesitant about that before you can think about his ex
i still feel like i can't do it. what could be reasons i have such huge problems with that?
I don't know you or your boyfriend personally, so I can't say. All I can tell you is that a healthy couple should be able to talk about these things. I would suggest talking to someone irl about this at this point, because this obviously goes deeper than just the problem with his ex.
yes, it does. i'm in therapy too. but i need to be able to tackle this problem now. i can't wait till i am mentally sane and let myself get fucked over in the meantime...
Sorry, I read your whole thread and I thought the point of it was to get a KO.
Do you have any girlfriends you can talk to?
nah, that's not my style. but thanks for the suggestions anon
well, i have my sister, my mom and a good friend. i considered that, but my sister has no time, i don't want to talk about this with my mom and my friend is biased cause she knows my bf since childhood. i don't want to make her "take sides"...
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