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Disfunctional fucked up complicated relationship

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Okay this is a really long story, but I'm going to try and condense it down.
First off, I have a gf right now whom I'm absolutely madly head over heels in fucking love with, she is the first person I have ever loved so much, my first *real* relationship, we've been together for about 3 years, she is truly the love of my life, she is the only thing that makes me happy, and I think about her day and night. That being said, we have an extremely disfunctional and complicated relationship due to the beginning of the relationship, though things have changed very very much. Long story short, I cheated and she found out, but stayed with me, I left her for other women, but she stayed with me. I'm a piece of shit I know, but she was no angel, she lied and did bad things, had redflags out the ass, I just never actually caught her cheating. Well, she stayed with me after all of the heartache I gave her for some reason, and she has helped me immensly, she has fed me, put a roof over my head, spent money on me, put my priorites over hers. After 2 more years of being with her I realized how fucking much I love her, and that leads me to where I am today, I'm doing well for myself now, and I want to make up for how shitty of a bf I was, I want to give her the world, I want to be with her at my best since she was there at my worst, our relationship is nothing like it was in the past, we clearly are madly in love. That being said I've accidentally dug up some info that shows she may have cheated as well. or that she may be cheating now, but no solid evidence. I really don't want to end it with her, I legit have been planning on marrying her. But im extremely conflicted, I cant stay with her if she cheated, and after i've found out what I have, that in her past, she was a compulsive liar and cheater. (1/2)
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In her past she was one of the typical "It was rape" bitches, when it wasn't, she was just a slut and regretted it. She was apparently really slutty in her past, which she actually told me before except downplayed it, and i didnt mind toooo much, im here to judge her on her in the now you know, she said she was changed and the whole 9 yards.
She's also lied to me lots throughout the relationship, and apparently cheated a lot on bfs in the past. I'm new to the state and know no one, so I'd have no way of ever finding out.
I read a message of hers describing what she did to a boyfriend in the past, she said she wouldnt stop hanging out with guy friends just because they wanted to fuck, since they were still friends, but she ended up letting them feel her up and make out w her, because he was an asshole. Well she had some mental problem at the beginning of the relationship and thought I was an asshole (before i cheated, I was anything but) and she said literally the exact same thing "Im not going to stop hanging out w them just because they want to fuck me", well I also found out today, guys she was talking to and hanging out with at the time, she used to fuck regularly. She also lied and hid that someone she fucked before was hanging out w her multiple times. Also another occasion where she was supposedly messaging a guy she fucked before, purely for business reasons, as she did sell him adderall, but hid it from me. Still no solid evidence. But at what point does all of this add up to the point I can't ignore it any longer regardless of solid evidence? I'm almost 100% positive she cheated by now. But at the same time, I feel like I can't break it off after all ive done and shes done for me unless I at least know for a fact she did something wrong.
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I have her social networking passes, still no evidence, just lots of little red flags, and again at what point do I say that's enough little red flags, something is fucking going on. I really want to say something NOW, but I also feel the need to wait for evidence, because thats the least I could do for her is give her the benefit of the doubt, and I cant reveal I have her passes until I'm ready for her to change them. But at the same time, this makes me feel so fucking god awful and sick, I called out of work today because of it, but I can't keep doing that, this needs to be resolved soon
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PLS help
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Do you want to live the rest of your life like this? Accepting of all the redflags and her possibly cheating and communicating with other men etc. etc. etc. If you don't then end things. If you do then marry the bitch. Don't overthink it.
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>>16947216

Drop her. She's garbage.

> She was one of the typical "It was rape" when it wasn't and she just regretted it

Drop her before she says YOU raped her and YOU end up raped, in jail.
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You can't make a whore a housewife. If not now, 10 years from now, her true colors will show.
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You're pathetic. Enjoy your false rape charges when you don't let her run up $10k on your credit card.
Thread posts: 8
Thread images: 2


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