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I (23/f) have been hanging out at my love interests ' (31/m) house and spending the night with him every weekend for the past two months. We spend a good deal of our free time together as friends. As my friend, He's confided in me that he's not over a previous relationship, and hasn't slept with anyone in over a year. That he can't bring himself to do anything sexual without feelings getting involved.
Today, he made a move with me though. The first move. Which has sent my mind reeling. I stayed with him last night, and when we woke up, we moved close to each other. He started rubbing my waist where my underwear hit with his thumb. He said to "tell him if he goes too far. He doesn't want to do anything I don't want to do". Needless to say, things physically progressed. I've liked this guy for a while! I was really feeling it. The way he held me and gave me his first kiss sweetly on top of my head...it was great. Anyway, long story short, It got to the point where we decided to "go for it" and were trying to find protection. He found some, and I expressed my happiness but stated I needed to go to the bathroom really fast. I legitimately had to go if I wanted to be comfortable during what I thought was to come next. When I came back in his room, its as if a switch had been flipped. No more kissing, cuddling, fooling around. And no talk about what had just happened.
I don't know if he was too in the moment. If there's feelings involved or just hormones. I'm lost. And its been nonstop on my mind all day. I don't know if it was a "test" to see how far I'd go...but he knows I don't sleep around. Maybe he had a moment of clarity while I was in the bathroom? Things weren't awkward afterwards, and we've texted today. No jokes or otherwise talking about what happened though. Also, no kiss goodbye.
What is going on here? How should I proceed? What's he thinking?!
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>>16943895
Maybe he thought that the bathroom was a ruse, your way of getting out of the situation?
To be honest, it'd be best to just ask him. If you want do be in a romantic relationship with him, you're going do have to learn to communicate your feelings. That said, I know I'd have difficulty bringing up the subject so try something more subtle. Make a gentle move with some physical contact, show you're interested and it wasn't a one-off thing.
If you're good friends, I'd hope he'd respect you more than to see how far you'd go out of fun.
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Thanks for the sincerity of your advice and response. I know the obvious thing to do would be to bring it up and ask. I've done this before though with someone else, and it backfired. Makes the guy feel pressured to define what we're doing. So, I'm honestly scared to do it again. I really don't want to mess this one up! I like him a lot! I don't even know that he knows...I try to play cool. Playing overly eager is horrible. Makes you seem needy and clingy.
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>>16943980
Well, it sounds like he was into you too. So if you really like him, it'd be worth making some sort of move soon while you guys are still tugging at the boundaries of your relationship.
I completely get not wanting to have a conversation about it, I'm horrible at that stuff and it could scare him off. As cheesy as it sounds, I'd parrot his 'tell him if he goes too far' line back to him and do something flirty. That way, you're vaguely acknowledging the previous situation without pushing it and letting him control the situation. If it doesn't work, you can play it off as a joke. If it does work, only downside is you won't know if he only likes you physically and that could screw up your relationship.
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>>16943958
This.
He thought you'd fled to create a diversion and give him time to stop and as soon as that thought clicked he lost his hard on.
A better way would have been to grab his dick or drp to your knees and kiss it and then say "hold this for me, back in a moment"
I am serious. He has issues, you need to seize the moment and push him over the edge. Once he falls off of Mount St.What'sHerName he'll be fine.
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