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ashamed of being alone

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tl;dr: how do other people always have people around them. Why does seemingly everyone except me lead a functional social life. I'm super lonely all the time.

I grew up as an only child; my parents were always busy working. Had almost no connections to rest of family. In primary school I had a couple of friends. But still was alone most of the time after school. Like 5 of 7 days of the week or so. Sometimes played with neighbors kids but somehow only ever for short time periods because eventually they moved to a different town or I and my parents did. In high school I did go to parties and had a group of friends I was close with but we grew apart after graduating and moving to different cities. I've been at uni for 3 very lonely years now. I moved to this city for uni and had no connections here. And that hasn't changed much. Ofc I do hang out with fellow students every now and then but especially during semester break it gets unbearably lonely. I haven't hung out or talked with people since 2 weeks now despite living in a major city. But I wouldn't know where to meet people to hang out with. I'm not very close with any of my fellow students - sadly I'm at this very small uni so there's just a handful of them anyway. Most of them are in their hometowns right now. I don't really have a home to return to though. Now it's friday night and I'm sitting alone in my 1 room apartment browsing the web. I want to meet new people so much and go out and do cool stuff. But I don't know how. I'm becoming increasingly ashamed of almost having no friends or even social contacts in this city. I feel like such a failure. I wouldn't even dare to try a dating app because it would only be out of total desparation. Tell me, how do you have a social life? I'm in my mid 20s and I just don't get it.Is it being alone in your apartment for a week something that just happens to everyone? Because I'm deeply ashamed about it. How do other people always have people around them?
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>>16931897
I'm in the same boat. I have fears of being rejected, so I reject everyone before they reject me.
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>>16931897
I always ask random people what classes they are taking at my school to start up a conversation.
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>>16931897
http://www.meetup.com/
Gotta start somewhere
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>>16931897

>ashamed

stop being ashamed. you've been adjusting to a new life and arent used to that. whats happening happens to lost of people. its not shameful. you didnt rape a squirell. so stop acting like its something to be judged over.

that being said, first and foremost, work what contacts you have. people wont just invite you to the party, so you have to throw it. take what few connections you have at uni and ask them to do something more personal.

>hey anon you like GTA5 right? wanna do that in real life and kill some hookers? or you can just come over and play with me or whatever
>hey anonnete you like this movie though? wanna go see it? no hetero

buy a new board game and invite a group of them over to play. invest a little money on a bbq to develop your connection. look for events happening on campus and at the city and ask someone to attend with you. go hang out with them. yes they are all home for rbeak, but when they get back, get to work.

as for new firends, first and foremost, meetup.com. you are in a city, so there will be lots of meetups. even if your hobby is 'reading' you can find a group of people who want to discuss books with you. right now make a list of everything you like to do, whether its a 'one person' activity or not. then go on there and see what groups they have.

after that, here is how you make ne wpeople, copy pasted from another thread. its based around how to meet girls, but it was to teach basic social and friend making skills so applicable:
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>>16931926
the biggest and greatest tip you will get is to go outside and talk to people

>BUT ANON YOU CANT JUST WALK UP TO PEOPLE AND TALK TO THEM

you can, its totally legal. i do this every day somewhere or another.

go to a bookstore and wait in your favorite aisle. wait til someone (Anyone, not just a pretty girl) comes up to look for a book. ask her what shes looking for. if you have read that book, comment, if not, ask about it. say you are really into this genre but arent sure what to read next. shenanigans ensue. she might just be like 'oh here it is' and run off. let her. this isnt about getting everything to work. a lot of people are in their own world. keep trying til you find one who isnt.

can also do this at a movie store, at the theater, at a bar, at any place really. just wait around something you know a bit about, then talk t osomeone who comes up to that area. but you actually gotta talk. not 'wait for a nice opportunity'. act like its normal and it will be.

fuck even on the bus i just sit down and say 'hey hows it going? where you headed? oh thats cool whats that like? oh im just headed to work. yeah i work down the street, i manage an office for a psychic'

thats how i met my friend mate. we go hiking. anywho, do this, to anyone, anywhere, and you will get confidence to talk to girls you might actually be interested in.

and when you find one, talk to them the same way. casually. if something strikes up hand them your card (Get cards made) and say
>hey i gotta go, but we should keep this going, call me sometime, we'll get coffee'

99% of girls wont call you. 1% will, and thats always awesome
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>>16931918
I'm the same way. I'll strike up conversations with people and then just vanish cause I don't want them to get bored of me. Having a fear of abandonment sucks.
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>>16931924
might check it out. but desu I went to one once and it was horrible. all people there lacked basic social skills but worst of all was that they were actually not even too passionate about the actual topics and just visibly desperate to make new friends. but in that uncomfortable clingy way.

>>16931921
I don't know. I really don't want to be that guy.

>>16931918
>>16931934
yeah I have that as well. That might even be the root of all problems I guess. Because striking up a casual conversation and small talk and all that stuff isn't really that hard for me. But until I would ask someone to hang out it would take loads of time and getting to know each other.
Thread posts: 8
Thread images: 1


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