I've known this girl for about 8 years, but not super closely...

>>16917674
Decide if you want to date her and then act appropriately for that decision.

>>16917698

this. best advice you will get.

>>16917698
>>16917700

Alright, for the sake of argument let's assume I do want to date her. What then?

>>16917714

act appropriately for that decision. (re: ask her out)

>>16917714
Just man up and ask her out on a date. Honestly it's better to get the rejection and know where you stand than be left wondering.

When you see her in person (do not do it over phone or internet), hang out and at or towards the end ask her out on a date. Do not do this to where she would confuse you as being drunk, make sure you are sober.

I was in a similar situation with my bf. We knew each other trough mutual friends for 3 years. Everytime we happened to see each other, we hit it off great. We could just talk to each other very easily and there was some LIGHT banter going on. Neither of us acted on it cause our encounters where pretty rare and we had no connections outside that social group. Then it was my
Bday and those friends suggested we go out for a drink. It ended uo being a way bigger group that i initially thought and he was there too. It was a very neat evening, but we all got a bit tipsy. Later we went to the apt of one of the friends to watch some movies and "after-party". The two of us are rather shy, but we managed to sit next to each other on the couch. We kept "accidentially" making body contact. At some point we actually where holding hands, kek.
One after the other left or went to bed so it was only the two of us in the end. We just didn't wanted this to just end. When we where alone, we just went for a kiss, which ended in a excessively long make out session. The next day we went on our first date and the rest is history.
Basically, just go with the flow and make a move when it's called for. You might need to be a bit bold at the right time. Good luck op!

How are the cunt cravings going?

>>16917714
Do you enjoy being a cowardly wuss? Is acting like one really a habit that you want to hold onto?

No one here can tell you what to do to guarantee that she'll say yes if you ask her out. >>16917748 is what that particular anon thinks would be good, and sure, that's one approach, but it's no more useful than whatever you can grow enough balls to do. You can ask her out however you want -- if she's interested in you she'll say yes, if she's not she'll turn you down.

It's not "weird" to ask her on a date or to spend time with you in person, except in that it's a departure from the way you've acted towards her in the past. So what? You're fixating on "oh no, so weird/awkward" because you're afraid of rejection.

>>16917748

This is the kind of shit that makes me feel like this is a bad decision. I'm not at all afraid of being shot down, it wouldn't be the end of the world at all. But I am worried she's going to think I've been harboring this deep interest in her or something and then she won't want to sit around and drink beer and watch football/hockey anymore without thinking I'm pining for her.

We also have not hung out sober in... I can't think of a time we've ever hung out sober. So that's out.

>>16917769

Thanks for the story. This kind of thing is helpful. A complicating factor is that she and I don't really have any "mutual" friends anymore, at least the kind that aren't exclusively my group or her group. Our main mutual friends have all moved away. For us to connect we either have to text each other to see what's up, or end up at the same bar (not infrequent).

>>16917782
Just fine.

>>16917789
Again, not afraid of anything. I'm just questioning whether it's worth pushing something I've had 8 years to make a move on if I really gave that much of a shit. I don't like developing an interest in female friends, because they're the ones that help you get laid and expand your social circle.

>>16917823
Holy fuck dude. This looks like a weak-minded rationalization to me, but ok.

MAKE A DECISION ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT.

Why are you thinking about "how should I pursue this" if you're not interested? This girl is helping you "get laid" and you want to be a bar slut right now, then obviously no, don't pursue a relationship with her.

>>16917844

It's one of those things that has been creeping into the back of my head that started with one of my best friends' persuasions. I was actually at one point trying to set him up with her, but he got a girlfriend.

He started to call me out on it from time to time, and as she hung out with some of our friends, I kept getting the "you should go out with that girl dude" recommendation.

Now I'm reevaluating something that wasn't really at the forefront of my mind for most of our time knowing each other. You can't tell me you've never done that in your life? You've always been 100% positive of what you want?

>>16917674
>"asking her out" formally seems weird and doesn't seem to fit into our style
OP i feel this heavily and it seems like everyone in here is ignoring this part. That said, I'm not sure what to do, but I wish you the best

>>16917674
Ok- does she ever initiate contact or meeting up, or are you the one who always starts the conversations/asks to hang out?

Ultimately, do what you want to do. It certainly isn't easy, but I would try talking to her and letting her know how you feel. Perhaps she is feeling the same way.

Wish you luck.

>>16917914

Is it possible that she wants something more than what would usually "fit in your style"?
I can see the potential harm in asking and it not working out as planned- but what if it does?

>>16917922

Yeah, she encourages meeting up, she posts on my Facebook wall a lot, that kind of thing.

I mean, we don't hang out a TON, because it's generally centered on some kind of event, like a sports game we both want to watch, brunch, whatever. We also both go to the same bar a fair amount, so we'll see each other there, which is neutral on each of our sides.

>>16917948

Yeah, it could be possible. You can definitely tell she's the kind of girl that doesn't like to open herself up to emotional vulnerability, so she's intentionally making herself hard to read by kinda trying to be "one of the guys." She's still super feminine, but you probably know the types.

>>16917961

I think you should tell her. I went through a similar situation and I wish he had been more open with me in the beginning. There's always the possibility that she doesn't feel the same, but if she is a genuine friend then that shouldn't matter.

>>16917993

I mean, this is the thing again... "tell her?" It sounds like this drawn out confession of something I've felt for a long time. I'm just not that passionate about it. Really, my mindset is like "we're both attractive people with decent careers that are single and have the same interests, why not see what this is like if we try it differently?"

Addressing this more seriously seems like a setup for failure.

I know I'm being wishy washy, but that's why I'm here.

>>16918013
"we're both attractive people with decent careers that are single and have the same interests, why not see what this is like if we try it differently?"

Why not tell her that?
From experience, waiting it out just made it awkward and now he won't even speak with me. If you want something- go for it. If you aren't that passionate about it then maybe it's best for you to remain friends. His friends told me he wanted more. I eventually expressed to him that I did as well. Apparently his feelings had changed and I lost a chance/friendship that I wish I could have kept. Best of luck to you.

>>16918013
what do you think youll gain from dating her? i mean it seems like you guys are very close already. getting more touchy feely when you hang out? sex?

i frequent bars too and i love being single. if i was in a committed relationship i wouldnt be able to make meaningful approaches at bars without feeling guilty. im just kinda getting the vibe that you wanna get laid and this is a good option for you,

>>16918040
If you do just want to get laid and you value your relationship with her, don't just hit it and quit it. just saying.

>>16918013
>It sounds like this drawn out confession of something I've felt for a long time.

What do you mean by that statement?

Since you want to date her, be advised. You have to go balls to the wall for this. Be prepared to lose everything, like her freaking out and not talking to you or winning everything and be together with her.

There is no definite way to do this but start by asking her to hang out. Do something based on both of your interests. No need to go to a restaurant or a bar. Just give her a great time and make her laugh. Be physical and see how she reacts to your touch. Not like creepy "i want to see you naked" physical. Just casual touches on the shoulder or the hands, casually touching her lower back like its no big deal and high-fives at appropriate moments (high-fives are always awesome). If she is not getting bothered just keep it up. At the end of the date try to initiate a kiss or something.

Whatever you do, go in strong with no regrets as if she always wanted to jump your bones. Half-assery will ruin your chance and maybe your relationship with her

>>16918040

Nah, I'm not just looking to get laid. I'd like to date someone I really like and have a good time with, someone adventurous and able to keep up with me. We're good at this as friends, and I think she's pretty attractive too. I don't know if that would translate to a good dating chemistry, but he more I think about it, the more I think it could.

>>16918050
If I pull her aside and say "I think we should date" and make a production of it, it's going to set her up to think I have deep feelings for her that I've been hiding, like I had an ulterior motive, or that she could really hurt my feelings if she doesn't feel that strongly.

In actuality, I don't care enough about this enough to have my feelings hurt if she didn't like me that way. But I don't know how to say that without totally coming across wrong.

>>16918141
yikes

you can just feel the neckbeard oozing out of this post as you read it

>>16918159


Awww. Come on now, you make me blush.

>Ducks fan

Get out while you still can OP.

>>16918141

We already casually touch, and... God this sounds overbearing as fuck, and it's exactly like I'm worried she's going to think I'm feeling if I formally ask her out.

Balls to the wall? Why do I have to treat this like she's the love of my life when all I really want to see is if we can hang out one on one and see if we can ease into something where we're seeing each other?

Don't get me wrong, I've been head over heels before. I've been head over heels for girls that were my friends before. I've been in situations where "risk it all" is a viable and important thing because I'd completely be shattered if they didn't feel like I was a god romantic fit, but this isn't that. It's just casual.

Ironically I feel like /adv/ is talking me out of it, haha.

>>16918180

Warning... The OP is a Ducks fan too. So is she. Although she is also a dirty fucking 49ers fan so this may never work in the first place.

>>16918177
no offense man, but this isnt a movie. how are you gonna advise someone to not be half-assed while proposing that he does something half-assed? you dont just play mini golf together, slowly touch her arms as you teach her how to putt then you make out passionately after convenient eye contact.

"hey, id like to take you out on a date" next time you see her.

oh and the guy commenting previously was right, just fucking do it. thats what a real man does. theres absolutely no reason to weigh out any subjective pros/cons, you should ask her out because you want to ask her out. and its pretty obvious that you want to. i dont understand why youre panicking over coming off as if youve been madly in love with her. most likely she will have the same mindset as you and think that since you hit it off really well as friends, dating could be an interesting option to explore. in fact, just say exactly that when you ask "we get along really well so lets try something out."

all these posts suggesting some beat around the bush method make me cringe. its like theyre being posted by high schoolers that are oblivious to how adult social interactions work.

good luck bud.

>>16918187

The advice i gave you is based on a real story of mine. But i was kinda crazy about her and it all worked out in the end.

It's always good to go "balls to the wall". It's generally good to be strong and sure about things you want. And yea escaping the friendzone is kinda overbearing because you can't know the girls reaction when things change.

Just ask her out and see how it goes. I don't know the girl or how she does things. Easing into something is much harder that it sounds.

>>16918208

The good luck is appreciated, but I think weighing pros and cons is important, at least at my age. I'll be 30 in short order, a time where A) whoever you date you should probably take pretty seriously (as long as they're a similar age), since this might be the point where you settle down, or you're wasting the final years of your prime, and B) fucking everyone is having kids and losing any desire they ever had to go out and live a little, so finding and holding on to single or active friends is pretty crucial.

In a perfect world I'd meet some girl mostly detached from my current life so I can maintain both my friends and a relationship, but it's not always that easy in a city you grew up in.

>>16918228

And that's the thing, you were crazy about her. I love that, I want to be that if possible. But the reality of the situation is that I'm not. And again, I'm not friendzoned. We don't spent enough time together for that, and I've been wedged in the friendzone enough times in my life to know what it's like.

It's not that your advice is baseless at all, it's just like trying to swing for the fences when all you need is a base hit.

>>16918232
ok so i dont really get you man, do you want a serious relationship with this girl or no? its a yes or no question. i asked you previously why you want to date this girl. you can still be adventurous, hang out and have a great time while being good friends. you dont need to be in a serious relationship to do these things. it comes off as odd to me that youre pondering this decision given what you have told us so far. i think youre trying to fool yourself and you want something more. most of the time these scenarios really arent complicated at all, we just have a desire to make them that way because we want our lives to be exciting.

>>16918232
>>16918268
oh and i want to respectfully disagree with you that your social life is over at 30. i might even argue that its better at that age if you know what youre doing and youre using your experience to expand your social circle.

>>16918268

I want to take her on some dates and see if I want a serious relationship with her. Yes, I enjoy spending time with her watching the game at a bar and having some beers. I enjoy her a lot and think she's super cute when we hang out at my leisure, and I have no issues telling her "nah, not gonna hang out today," or leaving whenever I want, or getting drunk and making a fool out of myself because who is she to say anything about it? When I see her, she's dolled up or going on some awesome vacation somewhere. How am I gonna feel when she has no makeup on and she spent the past three days watching Gilmore Girls in her sweatpants complaining about her period?

This kind of shit I don't know, so I can't tell you if I want a relationship or not. I'd be open to going on some dates and seeing if she's cool when there's a more formal acknowldgement that we're into each other, or if we can make out and get physical without making it feel like I'm hooking up with my cousin. Y'know?

>>16918280

It's not "over," you just have to be selective, and you're going to lose a lot of your lifelong buddies to the spectre of family. Sure, they'll get their "guys nights," but way too many of my friends have someone at home they have to answer to. It's harder to find people with whom you have a deep, deep friendship that can keep up.

>>16918288
ask her out, you know you have a thing for her.

you wont come off as having some secret love for her if you dont want to and you wont lose your friendship if things dont work out. who knows what can happen - but at some point you have to trust that youre both grown people that can communicate your needs. one of my friends got married for the wrong reasons, ended up getting divorced and i still catch him hanging out with his ex wife from time to time. if that extreme example wont convince you, i dont know what will.

i feel like youre very dependent on your friends and current social circle. i used to be too, but then i learned how to have fun on my own. some of my best nights out were when i went out on my own and met new people/girls just by myself. im telling you this because there are literally millions of fish in the sea - both guys to hang out with and potential future girlfriends, fuckbuddies, what have you.

what city do you live in?

>>16918331

Las Vegas.

My job ensures I'll always have something to do, that's for sure, but it doesn't change the fact that this place has a high percentage of single club rat douchebags when compared to your single, normal, well adjusted people.

Might be dozing off here in a minute, but not sure. I'll reply if I'm still up or in the morning if this is still up... Thanks for the advice either way.

good night friend, i say go for it.