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Why do guys only change when you leave?
I was dating this guy for 3 years, I loved him he was just too unmotivated, we'd only ever watch movies and play games towards the end of the relationship, I asked him to change his ways so many times but he didn't and I left.
I seen photos of him recently and he looks really good, like he's been living at the gym or something, he's actually playing at open mics (he only ever used to play music in his room when no one was home) and apparently he's been learning Jiu Jitsu and hes in competitions for it now, why couldn't he do all this for me when I was with him?
I thought he was doing it to get me back so I messaged him and essentially he just told me to go fuck myself and called me a shallow pig for messaging him "now that [he] has muscles"
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>>16917645
You probably dragged him down. Whats the one constant in all your failed relationships?
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Honestly it was probably a kick in the butt when you left. Probably kick started him to get things done. People don't do unless they're motivated, guess the break up was his motivation.
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>Why do guys only change when you leave?
Why do women think men are projects that have to be "improved"
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>>16917645
>Why do guys only change when you leave?
Because significant personal change generally requires some kind of trauma. When nothing can ever again be as it was, and your only choices are to adapt or die, it's not as hard to sneak a few additional changes in. But when you don't HAVE to change, it's almost impossible.
This is why it's not a good idea to set out to "fix" a prospective boyfriend. You really only have one shot at doing so, and in order to take that shot, you have to leave. And you can't go back, because you'd bring back the bad old patterns too, and thus risk undoing the changes you'd sought in the first place. So what's the point?
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>>16917645
It's not just guys, it's girls too. This isn't a hard and fast rule or anything, but it's how everyone is. When you're single and want a relationship, you work out and do things to get the opposite sex to notice you. You also have more time that isn't filled up with dates and movie nights and all of that shit.
You've already hooked someone, so it's easier just to be complacent and figure things will work out. I'm too much of a narcissist to let this happen, but that's not true for most.
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>>16917645
he did it all because he realized that bitches will be bitches and that love means nothing. congratulations, you turned him into a man. and you will never have him back. suffer now.
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>>16917645
>he just told me to go fuck myself and called me a shallow pig for messaging him "now that [he] has muscles"
roastie BTFO
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Because you emotianly abused him. Get friends OP.
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He changed when you started you relationship, in order to adapt to you. Now he a) is reverting back to his old, free self and b) has plenty more time not listening to your shallow pig bullshit.
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>>16917645
Because you're not worth it anymore. He's improved his value advice yours. You left him for the same reason.
My ex dumped me, a kind, attractive (yet thin) guy, making 50k in his 20s (4x the average salary in out country) that preferred to stay with her and share himself than going out a lot.
Now I travel what I couldn't do with her, pursue my hobbies, moved to a different country on my own and because I was faithful to her for the best part of a decade, only now realised I could do better in terms of looks, kindness, smarts and career.
Why would I go back?
Well, maybe only to fuck her, she had a pretty vagina. But she isn't worth a relationship with me or even being monogamous.
This might be where you stand, op.
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>>16917645
>Why couldn't he do this all for me
>all for me
>FOR ME
So you're just pissed off that he wasn't valuable enough while he was with you. Nah, go fuck yourself.
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>>16917645
>Why do guys only change when you leave?
I stop you right here, that's not a gender thing AT ALL. Lots of girls do that too.
And to answer, it's because some people doesn't realize they have traits/bad behavior until it's too late. Breaking up triggers them more, That's all
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>>16918477
ANSWER ME, FUCKBOYS.
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Nice copypasta thread, will spread.
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>>16917645
Sounds like you got what you deserved you shallow fucking worthless cunt, left him to go fuck someone with more success and then once he becomes successful you think its only for you?
Kill yourself. That's my advice.
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Sometimes losing the people we love and care about so much is the push and shock we need in order take a look in the mirror and at least try to do something about who were are. Losing my ex-girlfriend because of my dickishness is the main reason why I've spent the past four years working on myself.
However judging the by details you've given us, it doesn't sound like his change has much (if at all) to do with you. You guys were probably late high school to undergrad age range. And people in that group tend to change regardless if they want to or were intentionally doing so.
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>/adv/ and /r9k/ share opinions on this
Maybe they're not that bad?
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