>be virgin >meet girl >best friends with a lot of tension

It seems you're overreacting and ruining a good thing. Too bad you were a vrigin and she was not, it's not a big deal.

OP, how old are you?

You're dumb

Because it is not. It's only your fucked up pride and narcissism that ruined something good. All you were talking about is your feelings and your feelings about things that you don't even know are true.
How do you know that she didn't feel the same about sex as you did?

>getting cucked by a girl's past

fucking virgins

>>16719764
24
You only see it as overracting because youre probably not a virgin.
>Too bad you were a vrigin and she was not, it's not a big deal.
To me it was.
>>16719767
>How do you know that she didn't feel the same about sex as you did?
How could she feel that this was a special thing that only the two of us would ever share?
>>16719778
I really wish I wasnt a virgin when I met her.

I know you guys think its trivial because you have sex all the time. But for me it was such an important special moment. And I felt constantly betrayed that it wasnt that way for her.

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I really really regret hurting her. She only loved me and did everything should could to make it work.
Thinking about how much she cares is breaking my heart. Even when she was so frustrated at the situation she offered to have an open relationship so that I could 'get it out of my system' because she really thought we would get married.
Might as well post the other pic

If you called if off because of stupid shit like that than you didn't love her. You were in love with the idea of her. Your idea became spoiled and you tossed her away.

>>16719806
>you didn't love her
Oh I didnt realize you were an expert on other peoples feelings.
>Your idea became spoiled and you tossed her away
Not my idea of her. She is always perfect in my mind. But sex was completely ruined. Something that important to me was ruined.

>>16719812
Ruined by yourself. You only care about yourself. I don't know what you want from this thread, because you won't find a solution to your problem here. If you truly loved her, which you said you were ready for marriage and children so I am assuming you think you do, then you could look past it to be with her. But you can't because you don't love her. That's why you made a dumb thread on /adv/.

I feel so shitty. I dont even want to have sex with someone else. If I knew Id feel this way I wouldnt have stayed a virgin until her.

It's not a big deal, either you're a virgin or not. Sex is what you made of it, you can have a great experiencie with the girl you love or overthink about shit you can't control.

Whatever she did before getting together with you has nothing to do with the connection you had.

if you can't get over this issue then just move on and leave her alone, cut all contact with her.

>>16719834
>You only care about yourself
Did realize you were an expert of things I cared about.
I tried to look passed it. Its not that easy cutting off the part of you that thinks that sex is something romantic when its something so big to you.
>Ruined by yourself.
If anything its ruined by the guys shes slept with. She regretted sleeping with them but that was only after meeting me. Its a shitty situation.
Sometimes, when people are hurting they like to express it to people, and maybe just maybe, those people can say something useful.

>>16719839
>Whatever she did before getting together with you has nothing to do with the connection you had.
Can you not understand how people dont want to share special moments with others. If its something you share a lot its not as special as something you only share with one person.
>It's not a big deal, either you're a virgin or not
Only people who arent virgins say this. If it werent a big deal I wouldnt have been a virgin.
>Sex is what you made of it
The problem is that its a huge deal for me but not for her. And I dont want to do it otherwise.

>>16719792
>How could she feel that this was a special thing that only the two of us would ever share?
She felt that it was lovely like you, and wanted it to be a permanent thing in her life. This is normal thinking. Then you come who ruins a good relationship because my feelings about what happened years ago. For you the past was more important, for her the future.

>>16719850
Except there's literally nothing anyone can say or do to change the situation. She can't turn back time and be less of a whore. Either stop being a faggot, or walk away.

>>16719792
You kind of just need to accept it and move on.
If it's going to ruin your relationship, that's up to you. I felt similarly when I gave my virginity to my ex, to find out later on that he wasn't a virgin too. It was a let down to know we had different experiences, and to then imagine his past with other girls. But eventually you just accept it. It stops being a big deal after a little while.
Down the road, I took my current boyfriend's virginity. (And we've been together 4 years now, compared to 4 months with my ex.) I'll tell you from my end, it was very special to me, knowing that I was able to be his first. Although I'd had sex with someone else before, it did become something very special just between us. It was very different, from the setting to our openness with eachother, and even how it felt. I don't know if he has any strong opinions about me having been with someone before him, and deep down I wish that I hadn't, but even a quickie with him is more special to me than when I lost my virginity.

>>16719860
>knowing that I was able to be his first
This is also a huge part of the bitterness. Not just that she was the first. I wanted her to be. But that she would be the only one. Thats quite the commitment to not have anything returned. It hurts having sex and realizing that shes done this with others. Its not special anymore. Just some hedonistic action. Would have been better if we never had sex.

>>16719860
I was only triggered by thinking about the future. A future where I would constantly be betrayed each time we had sex. Things were fine when I was living in the moment.

I've had sex with several girls, some of them objectivly hot. I've had feelings for some of them at the time I was in a relationship with some of them.
You didn't really miss anything by not having fucked many girls. It's just so awesome to you because you're new to it. It wears off after a while, sex isn't that special. Also, since she's the only girl you ever touched you might be able to guilt trap her to do all the kinky stuff/have threesomes/orgies/whatever if you stays with her.

>>16719899
I know I didnt miss out on anything. Because if I did I would have been able to have some important moments with her. But its a different story when you think about how it is for them and realize the difference.
>It wears off after a while, sex isn't that special
yeah for those that go around sleeping with multiple women. Of course the concept of it being special would wear off. You dont share special things with everyone.

>>16719892
Nice projecting. She didn't betray anyone, you betrayed her. She wanted to share her love with you and a future with you, you were more concerned about your selfish feelings.

>>16719850
We are saying something useful, it's just not what you wanted to hear.

You want people to say that she deserves to feel hurt because she hurt you. You want them to say sex is the most special thing to happen in a relationship.

But none of that is true. She didn't cheat on you. She told you ahead of time that she's had sex before which is something most girls wouldn't do (not that they'd necessarily lie about being virgins but they just wouldn't mention anything about it). She attempted to remedy the situation. She did everything she should have done while you just stayed butt hurt. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship, the connection you two have is. Something could happen in a instant where you could no longer have sex ( you get paralyzed, she gets paralyzed, she gets raped and never wants to be touched anything, etc.)

>>16719856
>Only people who arent virgins say this. If it werent a big deal I wouldnt have been a virgin

We were all virgins at one point...

>>16719886
Wow, chill.
Like you place WAY too much of an emphasis on virginity.
How long ago did this happen? Because the way you're acting it was 10 minutes ago that you had sex, and 5 minutes ago that it sunk in that she wasn't a virgin and you're hyperventilating.

I'll let you in on a secret. Sex isn't special. It's your nasty ding a ling entering a smelly hole. What is special is the relationship you have with the person you're having sex with. And it seems that that's the part you threw away. You can't un-fuck her and be a virgin again. So you should calm down and start rationalizing it. Or you're not going to find a relationship that feels special to you again.

>>16719923
>you were concerned with your feelings
Yeah, because thats how relationships work. Both parties need to be happy.
>She wanted to share her love with you and a future with you
And I wanted to share those special moments with her in the future. Looks like no ones happy.
>>16719929
We all dont have sex in the same way. people who arent virgins dont get how sex is for those who are. At least those who are by choice and not those who just havent had sex yet.

>>16719935
>Sex isn't special
I wouldnt be surprised if she felt the same way.
>You can't un-fuck her and be a virgin again
I dont want to.
>What is special is the relationship you have with the person you're having sex with
I threw away the part that couldnt handle constantly being betrayed. If it were literally just one other person, maybe 2, I could have kept it as something thats really important to her. That she only gives out to the akin to how sex was for me with her. But thats not the case.

>>16719918
Why don't you just fucking ask her what she thought of it, compared to when she lost her virginity. Chances are, virgin sex was awful and she doesn't give a shit about it. Virginities are super romanticized and you bought into it. She could have just as easily lied to you and you'd be imagining your life together still. Most people would say that lying would have been worse that having a past and being honest about it. The fact that you were with someone who was honest is lucky. Both men I've been with lied to me about their past. One pretended to be a virgin, and the other pretended he wasn't. I'd rather be with someone who practiced safe sex with 1000 partners than someone who lies to me.

>>16719935
I don't think the relationships can be very special after too many partners either, that being said I don't think OP has said how many partners the girl had.

Why does it matter to be someone's first when you can be someone's last?
Being someone's first is, most likely, a matter of time. People fall in love more than once in life. Even if you care about your virginity and such, and you want to have sex with someone you love, things might just not work, you grow up, things change, whatever. And you'll fall in love again, and again.
Being someone last is different. Finding a person who you want to share your entire life with, and making love with them makes you feel special, and it's just the best way to express your feelings for the other person, is something countless times more important than being someone's first.

>>16719928
>We are saying something useful, it's just not what you wanted to hear.
I dont want to hear sex isnt important because thats not how I see it and people who sleep around arent going to understand why its important to me.
>You want people to say that she deserves to feel hurt because she hurt you
The fuck are you saying. I love her. I never want her to be hurt. Ever.
>You want them to say sex is the most special thing to happen in a relationship.
I dont need anyone to say this. I already have my answer from experience.
>She did everything she should have done while you just stayed butt hurt.
I know. Its just something that she couldnt 'fix'.
>Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship, the connection you two have is.
Sex for me is an expression of that connection. A connection Ive never had with anyone else before. Its not the same for her. Hence why I feel betrayed each time we had sex.
>Something could happen in a instant where you could no longer have sex
i dont see the point of this.

Jesus christ you're an awful person. I feel sorry for the girl, but you kinda have any heartache coming at this point.

I'm sure the taking of your virginity was special to her too. You're getting all bent out of shape over literally NOTHING, and simply can't see beyond your own ridiculous mindset of being 'betrayed'.

Like what has she done wrong? She has done NOTHING wrong. The breakdown of your relationship is your fault, and only you can fix it. If you genuinely care enough about this relationship, then seek some kind of counselor or therapist or something. Otherwise, cut her off now so as to save her any more pain. Hopefully she'll find someone else who won't give a fuck about any of that shit, and they'll have a happy life together.

>>16719938
>>16719949

Excuses. More shitty excuses. Why did you come here? To be coddled? We're all giving you the same advice. Sorry you got fucked over by being taught that virginity and sex were special, but it's not. Find a way to deal with it, and if it's not too late, it sounds like the relationship you had was worth salvaging.

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>>16719976
I don't know how to tell you this, but your opinions are wrong.

>>16719975
>Why does it matter to be someone's first when you can be someone's last?
Because you can be the persons only. Which is far better.
>People fall in love more than once in life
Yeah which is why if it were only a very small number I could have looked the other way. Like 1 or 2. After this I dont plan on having sex until marriage. Or at least a woman i plan to marry.
>Being someone last is different
Thats the thing. She would have been my first, last, and only. it takes a lot to give that to someone. And when sex isnt as important to them as it is to you it hurts.

>>16719982
>Sorry you got fucked over by being taught that virginity and sex were special, but it's not
You dont take advice from people who cant understand you. Its just shitty advice.

>>16720003
>Abloo abloo no-one understands me I'm not like you guys

Just cut the cord with her, and let her move on.

>>16719978
>Jesus christ you're an awful person.
Sorry I dont like having my feelings betrayed.
>I'm sure the taking of your virginity was special to her too.
Are you trying to make me bitter about it.
>they'll have a happy life together.
I really hope she finds happiness. I wouldnt want it any other way.

>>16720007
Didn't he do exactly that?

You seem to be irrationally angry for some reason.

>>16720007
Why are you still trying to give me advice when you dont understand me.

>>16720012
Ah, right. I assumed he was kinda still in contact, and a break up was simply on the cards.

Is he even asking for any advice at any point in this thread then?

>>16720017
I think you should work on your reading comprehension if you have trouble with this.

>>16720013
no one will "understand" you. Ever. Deal with it, man. If you want to suffer up there on your cross, it's no skin off our backs. If you want to feel like you're in the right, go take your fucked up sob story to >>>/r9k/.

>>16720017
hard to ask for advice when everyone is shouting sex isnt important.

You seriously need to look up a definition of the word 'betrayal'.

She has not betrayed you, your pride and self-emasculation have sabotaged your relationship.

>>16720026
What advice can we give you then, friend?

>>16720024
>no one will "understand" you
literally the least helpful people of all. Why do you even try to give advice

>>16719994
>And when sex isnt as important to them as it is to you it hurts.
Maybe it wasn't before you two met, but after that she just wanted you. She wanted you to be her last. That's commitment.
I am a person who cares a LOT about virginity and sex in general. I lost my virginity to a guy I had been with for 6 years. Things didn't work, we broke up.
The guy I am seeing now used to fuck around a lot. It hurt so much at the beginning, I was so mad at him because I thought that he didn't care about sex and it was special just for me. But I know that what we have is far more important than what he had with other girls, and I know that it is special for him as much as it is for me. That while with other girls it was just sex, with me it's a physical demonstration of the connection we have. It matters more, to me. He is loving, sweet, and I can see how much he adores me and my body when we do it. I'll be his last. He'll be mine. That's all I could care for.
Grow up. Work on yourself. Seek therapy, if you need to. But really you have to overcome this, it's just your insecurity.

>>16720009
Your feelings were not betrayed. If you don't get anything else out of this waste of a thread, get that. You knew she was not a virgin and had sex with her anyway. It is not her fault, her vagina's fault, or any of her previous partner's faults that you decided, after having sex, that you were upset by her past. She was upfront with you. If anything, you betrayed her feelings when you threw her away AND added a notch to her bedpost by not thinking things through. Because it kind of sounds like sex and virginity meant nothing to you until after you had sex. Or else you probably wouldn't have done it without thinking.

>>16720034
> I'll be his last. He'll be mine
youre not even in the same situation as me. Theres nothing insecure about wanting to share important moments with others and have that reciprocated.
If I werent a virgin it would be so much easier to deal with.

>>16720050
Yeah, the biggest difference is that she's not fucking bonkers, like you OP.

>>16720038
Im 24 years old and its not easy staying a virgin. I dont know why you would ever come across the idea that sex meant nothing to me. But I wasnt able to imagine how important it would be to me. I knew it was important and something I only wanted to share with the person I loved deeply. This was her. I didnt plan on having sex until marriage before and she knew that and understood my reasoning. I just didnt have a way of knowing how much it meant. How I would actually feel when connecting with someone like that. Ive never felt that way with another person before.

>>16720056
Must be nice being on the end where you never have to feel this way. The end where you only receive and never give. How wonderful for you.

>>16719971
More than the 1 or 2 I would have been okay with. More than you could count on 1 hand. Too many for me to ignore.

>>16720050
>Theres nothing insecure about wanting to share important moments with others and have that reciprocated.
It is insecure. You feel like what you feel for her, during sex, the connection, the special moment you're sharing is special just for you because, after all, she shared that with other people. But it is not true. She didn't have that, probably, just the cheap copy of that. She felt the same way as you did. It was special for her too.

>>16720062
That still does not make it her fault. You were not betrayed. She made it clear to you that she'd been with others, and taking the risk was your decision. You could have waited until after marriage if that was what you really wanted. The fact that you now will not be marrying the person you shared yourself with is also on you. She wanted to stay with you and it was your decision to break it off. It is in your best interest to abandon your current train of thought, because the next time you believe that you're with the woman you'll be marrying, you have sex, and either you freak out again and ruin it, or something else happens down the road, you'll end up with another notch in your own bed post. And you know, by your own logic, after you've had more than 1 or 2 partners sex automatically doesn't mean anything to you anymore.
I bet it was super hard to stay a virgin for you. The way you act I'm sure you're rolling in the pussy.

>>16720096
>That still does not make it her fault.
Where have I said she was to blame for all of this.
>after you've had more than 1 or 2 partners sex automatically doesn't mean anything to you anymore.
I dont plan on having that many ever no matter what happens. There are circumstances that could make me look the other way on an exact number like 1 or 2. Like if her ex died. Obviously I couldnt hold that against anyone.
>I bet it was super hard to stay a virgin for you. The way you act I'm sure you're rolling in the pussy.
More like beating it away. But Im glad you understand there.

>>16720088
She cant feel the same way I do about it. How can she feel this is just a special moment between the two of us when shes gone around connecting with others. Im sure she felt it was special. But just not in the same way.

>>16720138
>Where have I said she was to blame for all of this.
When you keep crying about how your feeling were betrayed.

>>16720150
So you lack adequate reading comprehension.

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Look on the bright side: at least OP was smart enough to avoid getting chained down with used goods.

>>16720030
Try saying more than sex isnt important.

>>16720156
I mean, it'd be a little easier to comprehend if you weren't a drooling retard.

>>16720149
For my boyfriend, it was literally just sex till we met. He just did it because it was fun, to get off. After we met, he experienced the connection, care and affection, and everything changed for him. He said more than once that if something happened to me he wouldn't be able to go back to casual sex, because what he had with me was SO much different and better than what we had.

My friend,

Dont be too upset at all these liberalanons who think that your feels should be smashed down and ignored. These are your feelings, your intuitions and the elements that make up your comfort, they most certainly need careful handling. As you well know!

I would guess the main problem so that she is simply isn't the woman you thought she was and the difference between the madonna you met and courted, and the somewhat used up creature she turned out to reveal herself as is just too wide for your mind to hold comfortably.

Take some therapy if you really want to be with her or just start again with some other girl after a break. I can guarantee your feelings will not be tricked again and will take a much more pragmatic view in a year or so.

Your feelings don't want to be hurt again.

>>16720160
It's like you're looking for us to give some magical cure all piece of wisdom, but the reality is that people here are giving you the truth, and you're just finding stereotypical whiny bullshit excuses to deflect from that.

Just delete her number, block her from facebook, and put this on:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd9OhYroLN0

>>16720179
>I would guess the main problem so that she is simply isn't the woman you thought she was and the difference between the madonna you met and courted, and the somewhat used up creature she turned out to reveal herself as is just too wide for your mind to hold comfortably.

She always told him that she had other partners. She didn't do anything bad, in any way.

>>16720179
This.

OP: be glad for the experience you got, because chicks dig experience. Cut your losses and move on.

>>16720156
The term 'betrayal' implies you were betrayed. Saying she betrayed you implies she is somehow in the wrong.

OP: you fucked up by showing your feelings. What you should have done was just quietly distance yourself and return to the hunt. Never let bitches know what's on your mind - they're not going to do anything good with the knowledge.

>>16720179
This.

It's pretty much what many people here have told you already, but worded in a way that you might appreciate.

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I'm shocked and appalled by the outright hostile and self-congratulatory attitude of the posters on this advice board. I swear to god there would be no mass shootings if it weren't for scumbags like you people.

>>16720195
Read the op.. You got it wrong. She only told him just before they did the deed.

>>16720213
I agree, OP does sound like the school shooter type.

>>16720213
Passing judgment on strangers is easy. Guiding others to find what they're looking for in life is hard.

>>16720205
Sad to say this is very true!

>>16720223
That's not true.

Op you should have thought about it before you went through with it. This is the problem when your a virgin and your partner is not. You didn't lose it to some one that was a virgin and now it's too late to change that. Your best bet is to stay with her and live with your decision.

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>>16720256
>stay with her

And give up forever?

>>16720336
If he loves her and shes still trying to make it work then why not. It won't get better if he gets another girl if she's a virgin or not. He messed up and now it's time to man up to his decision. If he can't do that then he'll just have to try and find someone else.

>>16720176
>just sex
I cant understand this idea
>>16720197
Not saying its her fault she cant return it. But that doesnt change that she cant and engaging in it just betrays my feelings.

>>16720256
>Op you should have thought about it before you went through with it.
I did. But you cant understand as a virgin. Its not like someone who was in my shoes came and gave me advice to make an educated decision about something Ive never experienced. I thought I could deal with it. I couldnt.
>Your best bet is to stay with her and live with your decision.
I just cant deal with having sex with her. It hurts and creates bitterness.

OP, did your girlfriend actually say ANYTHING that gives you reason to believe she that having sex with you was NOT an emotional connection? You claim that "it was only special for you", but is that true? Did she say that it was not special, or did you just assume that was the case? It is possible to develop deep emotional connections with multiple people throughout one's life. It is foolish to assume that she does not love you just because she may have loved someone else before.

>>16720360
So you're saying she should never have had sex with you? That, despite you saying you were fine with it, she should have refused you sex until you got your virginity out of the way on someone else?

Its just so shitty. Like if I took her up on her offer to sleep with other girls Id probably get over it. But Id feel even worse and so would she. But at least I could move passed this.

So now OP can never have special sex. Even if he found a virgin, now he'll have shared it with this other girl who he ended up hating and breaking up with relatively quickly.

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>>16720351

>OP talks about a man
>Leave him right this instant! He's an incurable scumbag and you can definitely get better!

>OP talks about a woman
>How dare you stop performing for her! You owe her your life, because she got you off a few times.

>>16720398
Men are valued for their experience.

>>16720383
Ive never said anything about what she should have done. You cant change the past.
>she should have refused you sex until you got your virginity out of the way on someone else?
Worst part is that even though this is wrong it wed probably be together if it were the case. If I fell for the casual sex meme I wouldnt be here. >>16720398
Very possible and Id understand her feelings if she did since Im here. For me Id be able to look over a couple. Ive heard people compare it to marriage and it resonates well with me. A very limited amount of marriages before you is fine. Not a lot. marriage obviously isnt important anymore after 1 or 2. Unless theres mitigating factors.

>>16720376
I don't think that someone needs to tell you how exactly you'll feel if you make a decision to have some type of inferance into what you'll feel like after. Anyways looks like you have to choices. Fix the sex issue, or move on. It's unknown until you try to fix our if there is solutionuntil you try to fix it. And if there's no solution or fix them you move on to someone where the relationship dynamics work better and you have a healthier relationship with.

>>16720380
>It is foolish to assume that she does not love you just because she may have loved someone else before.
I dont want a love thats been shared with many people. I want something special.

Behind every paternity fraud, there sits a man too fucking stupid to get away from a whore before it's too late.

OP was smart enough to get out before it's too late.

>>16720403
My response would have been the same regardless of gender

Not exactly the same thing but sort of related might be a good read for you OP https://whoism3.wordpress.com/2012/11/17/confessions-of-a-reformed-incel/

Apparently the bitterness and feels never disappear, you just learn to live with them.

Congratulations, OP, you're not a virgin anymore.

Now you have everything you need to chase skirts until you find what you're looking for. Get out there and make it happen.

>>16720419
You must understand that this idea of sex only being 'special' when you're only on your first or maybe second partner is one that only you and a small amount of people are going to have.

Most people can find a real connection and real meaning in sex with their partner regardless of how many other people they or their partner have been with.

This problem is one restricted to your own perception, and that really isn't anything other people can help with.

I still wish you the best of luck finding that spark again though.

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>>16719748
Jesus Christ, this isn't Chasing Amy. Get over your cuck self and realize that you fuckers both shared a moment. She had sex, waaaaaaah waaah, cry us a river. You're losing your fucking mind over her having a relationship before she was with you? She loves you, and you might not have long before you lose that too. Stop being a fucking faggot, pick up your nuts and apologize like a man, goddamn it.

>>16719748
>op finds a good relationship
>op suddenly overreacts
>op shits the bed and ruins an otherwise great relationship

I truly hope this is a troll thread, I really do. I hope someone isn't autistic enough to do this.

Op, no matter how you rationalize it, the problem was with you. Not her, not her past, you.

>>16720453
The meaning of sex can never be the same if its something used casually.

>>16720427
You're never going to find this artificial definition of special love that you made up. You're only going to find disappointment.

>>16720485
How do you know? You were virgin. You don't know what this means for her.
Maybe she grew up, maybe she changed her mind, maybe she understood that she wants something different and more meaningful.

>>16720467
>Get over your cuck self
Not about to live with being a cuck.
>She had sex, waaaaaaah waaah, cry us a river.
Must be so easy for people who sleep around to want to be accepted by those that dont. Only take, never give.

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This is a confirmed bait thread.

Please stop giving op the attention that he craves.

>>16720489
Special things arent something you share with everyone. Nothing artificial about it. If its something you give to everyone nothing is special about it.

I really feel for you OP but what is the point of this thread ? You're only going to get either /r9k/ responses telling you to leave her or reddit shit like >>16720482 and >>16720467 telling you that your feelings are irrelevant and you should disregard them entirely (which is a stupid idea). No one can get it unless they experienced exactly this situation.

No one can help you decide what you should do about it. You shouldn't try to take advice from people who didn't go trough exactly this situation.

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>mfw op constantly tells people they can't understand how he feels
>mfw when op keeps claiming to know that what she felt wasn't special

>>16720497
> You were virgin.
Which is exactly why I didnt know going in and now that I do its not as easy to overlook. She may want something more meaningful but its too late to give it the meaning it has for me.

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>>16720485

>>16720504
Because if I talk to myself I might end up choosing another shitty option and taking her up on her offer.

>>16720520
>taking her up on her offer

I don't care if it's simply more bait at this point. What was her offer?

>>16720518
Im sure thats what people who arent virgins like to think.
Is it my opinion that she is the only person sex has been used to connect with for me and that itself gives it meaning and makes it special for us.

>>16720511
Doesn't matter what she felt, she's a whore.

Good job OP, you did the easy half. The hard half is get back in the game.

>>16720527
Did you not read the thread. Everything isnt bait. Sometimes people experience things

>>16720514
>its too late to give it the meaning it has for me.
You don't know what meaning it has for her. And you don't even really care, it seems.

>>16720527
see>>16719804

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>>16720534
>you don't know what she felt!
>therefore, the rest of us can make assumptions on what she felt.

>>16720419
OP I'm trying to be sympathetic to your position but on one hand you want something special that that person has never had with someone before then you turn around and give a 1 or 2 number as acceptable. You cannot have it both ways, Like other anons said you now are soiled. If you find a virgin you know she was never with anyone else but then she may feel betrayed or if you find a girl with one and the guy died she still had that connection with another man so a connection with you would not be special.

Having said that I fully understand why you are disillusioned when you fell in love and lost your virginity to a girl that fucked half a dozen guys before you. She obviously views intercourse very differently than you do.

>>16720534
Ive heard what she has to say about it. Ive heard what shes said about sex before we got there.
But you cant turn something you share with everyone into something you choose to share with only the person you love this deeply.

>>16719792
Think about that. You felt betrayed because of shit that happened before she knew you existed.
Think about how dumb that is.

>>16720551
You did the right thing OP. One solution she offered was to have you go out and fuck other women. That proves to me she doesn't view sex as special.

>>16720546
Im not asking for it both ways. Something can still be special if you share it with a few people.
Like a statement on things you only give with people you love this much. Id be happy if I ever found a girl I love as much as her and shed know that she means at least this much to me when we do. Instead I get some used gift that she gives out to multiple people. Glad that my expression of love for her is returned with some used goods.

>>16720551
Why not?
People change. She learnt what "meaningful" sex is now. You're giving away your future together for her past.

>>16720502
You're a retard. As with everything in life, sex is what you make it. Nothing has intrinsic value. The only people who thinks sex is some magical disney experience are the people who can't get out of their house and have some. So they build up a fantasy that will inevitably be shattered. Want to learn more about sex? Start having some. Then you can learn that it's as magical or meaningless as you want it to be.

>>16720499

This. Please stop replying to op. This thread is cancer.

>>16720573
Deal with it faggot, OP isn't the only one who dreads the idea of our first time being with someone who just wants to snag a wallet now that she's done hoeing.

>>16720570
>Your opinion is wrong

>>16720557
Its not her past betraying me. Its what we can never have because of it that is.
Imagine instead of sex, you were born with 1 gift. A gift you can only give to 1 person. And you give it away before finding the person you love. Then you receive it from them but dont give it back. Of course Im going to grow bitter. To make the analogy more fitting to what Ive said lets just say you were born with a small handful but theyre all gone now.

>>16720566
No OP you kinda are asking for it both ways (there can only be one, one of a kind) but I agree with your larger point of not wanting a girl that fucks for sport. I hate you didn't listen to your inner voice that likely was warning you before you had sex with her. Just know this. You can have special intimate loving sexual relationships with more than one person, you'll see that as you grow older, but never fall for the propaganda a relationship with a promiscuous person the same, again.

>>16720570
>Want to learn more about sex? Start having some.
Yeah, desecrate the thing you hold valuable to see if its valuable.
You only say this because you cant understand its meaning because youd desecrated it too much. Probably just looks like a used napkin to you.

>>16719748
I bet a hundred dollars OP's ex is already fucking another dude

>>16720582
No, I want a one of a kind, Id accept less. I dont want something given out easily.
It shouldnt be that hard. Im not satisfied with
>but youre the most important person im giving this thing I give freely to
>>16720565
She didnt want to offer it. She almost cried from enjoy when I harshly rejected it. But its literally the only thing I see that can force me to get over it. Like if I forced myself to turn sex into something meaningless or at least betrayed the ideas myself I would have to look passed it in our relationship.
She says she only offered it because shed be willing to take the blow if it was either that or us not being together.
now that Im saying this though for all I know it could have been a trap to see how much I loved her. Like she might have tried to use it against me if I said yes. Who knows.

>>16720580
Neither of you lost anything.

NOBODY respects male virginity - it's a stigma. If anything, you are now far more likely to bring home whatever girl you ask BECAUSE you aren't a virgin anymore. You'll be less nervous, less awkward, less hesitant; all of those things were only holding her back. She seriously did you a favor by getting rid of yours, but that doesn't mean you should marry her.

>>16719748
I went/am currently going through a similar situation, OP. The main difference is I knew the girl for a long time and I know all the men she slept/fooled around with. I also had a negative view of sex to begin with because I’m asexual, but I don’t know how much that matters. I know it hurts a lot to think about her with other guys, and I hate to tell you this kind of shit, but it will get better. I asked my gf about it and got her to tell me the situations and happenings on some parts, though some, despite my morbid curiosity, are probably best left unknown. You gotta think about things from her perspective too, y’know. Just as she loves you, she probably loved the guys she was with at some point. That might actually hurt more than the idea of her having sex, but again, you need to compare your perspectives and rationalize your thoughts through them. Have you ever fallen in love before this girl, OP? Even if you didn’t actually date, you still felt those feelings, yeah? However, compare that to now. Are you still feeling those feelings for those girls? Do you still want to go and be with them? If you’re answering yes, then you probably shouldn’t be in this relationship. It’s unfair to your girl and it’s gonna hurt you more. Now look at her perspective. Yeah, she had sex with those guys. But does she actually still like them? No, cause if she did, she’d be out pursuing them and not being with you. She loves you and she doesn’t love or care about those guys any more. Even if she once felt something special when they had sex, she doesn’t feel it now and won’t feel it again unless you wimp out and leave her over something this fucking stupid. It’s hard, but you can get over it or just leave the relationship. If you’re really that selfish that you feel like only your feelings are valid and should influence whether you’re in a relationship with this girl or not, then just get out of there and let her find someone who cares.

>>16720588
Or you could sit around on the 4chinz and talk about being foreveralone and that all the wimmunz are whores. How's that working so far? Also double lulz for "valuing" something you've never had. That's like me saying that I want to be an astronaut, but it would be meaningless because someone has already walked on the moon. How could it let someone else walk on it besides me? That whore.

>>16720579
No matter what your kindergarten teacher told you, opinions can actually be wrong.

>>16719748
OP you're fucking this up for yourself and for her.

It's clearly special for her too.

>>16720606
>NOBODY respects male virginity
I actually got a lot of respect for it because I could have ended it. Im not nervous, awkward, or hesitant. maybe if I were I would have thought this through more before it got to this point.
>She seriously did you a favor by getting rid of yours
This idea is disgusting.

>>16720612
Personal preference actually can't

>>16720605
>Like she might have tried to use it against me if I said yes
you will pay for it I promise that

But again she wouldn't have offered it so flippantly. She knows how easy it is for her to do this and disrespectful to you to assume you could.

>>16720569
She can understand, but she cant share in the feeling. She can never have sex with me and think this is something unique to us. Or even this is something unique to those who Ive truly loved this much. Only I can do that. And it detracts from the value of the connection.

>woman offers an open relationship
>woman has already proven that she's far better at laying men than OP is at laying women

Am I the only one who caught this? OP gets the short end of the stick either way.

>>16720632
who was her first time with? How special do you think he was to her?

>>16720626
>flippantly
Nah it was something that came at the end of a serious conversation. When she felt she really couldnt change my mind. It sounded more like something someone suggested to her.
And I know nothing good can come of it. Its a shitty solution to a shitty problem and will only cause more problems down the line. But its like, do I want to deal with those problems with her or not have her.

>>16720641
inb4 some random chad who forgot about her because he had better prospects elsewhere

>>16720638
yep, she would be out fucking that afternoon

>>16720645
>something someone suggested to her
Gosh OP this actually sounds worse to me. Who is she talking to about this that would consider this a good idea?

>>16720647
...and of course /adv/ still expects OP to marry the skank

What is it about betamales that turns them into even more rabid feminazis than the women?

>>16720641
Highschool bf. Not as important as she means to me.
>>16720638
It was implied that she wouldnt but I wouldnt have anything to say if she did. Would create an unfixable mess.

>>16720638
She probably wouldn’t sleep with anyone because it would just make things worse, dumbass. She’s trying to help out OP and make him feel more comfortable with himself and their relationship, stop with your /r9k/ posting.

>>16720665
>probably
not good odds anon

>>16720660
and the others OP, how many? She care for any of them or just sport fucking?

>>16720671
I only said probably because I really don’t know the girl, but if she’s not completely retarded and was looking to actually help things, of course she wouldn’t.

>>16720652
Probably therapist. She has a really shitty therapist. Like the free kind that does it for a group of people. Her therapist has told her to do terrible things. But I think she listens to them when she cant talk to me about something.

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> all these cucks to whom sex and love are not special

OP has two choices now.
> he settles with her, but will be forever bitter for only having something inferior
or
> tries to find new girl, not being able to give the new girl his all, ending up settling either way

There is no happy ending when you find out you can never be happy. The beta advice is to deal with it and settle.

>>16720683
Fuck. You mean there are therapist telling women to resolve relationship problems with an open relationship and she listened? Damn

>>16720676
Of course she didnt go through all of them. The only other one was her ex. She lumped the others together as a phase and I didnt pressure for details.
Talking to your virgin bf about all of the guys youve slept with is a terrible idea.

...and this is why people avoid virgins, lol.

>>16720701
this is why people avoid loose whores, lol.

>>16720696
Her therapist has suggested to people that they cheat on their partners.
therapy is all about making the person infront of you feel better no matter what damage is caused apparently.
Meaning if a girl is having trouble not sleeping around and talks to her therapist, shed get talked into doing it and that anyone who says otherwise is wrong. They affirm the persons feelings and tell them to take the path that will make them feel the best. I wouldnt be surprised if emotional people (women) were really vulnerable to this.

>>16720699
>She lumped the others together as a phase
Oh, the ole phase fucking. Gosh, that could be 1 or 100 guys and not a good sign. I had one girl I was dating that tried to make a pitch to be exclusive bring up the sex talk, asked me and I told her and she look kinda shocked it was a low number and then told me her number was more than 50 and less than 100. She was 27

>>16720701
If she avoided me we'd still be happy.

>>16720708
oh god. Run OP. You don't know but your ex may have cheated to make herself feel better

>>16720714
She was using that as an example of how bad her therapist can be at times.
>>16720709
her phase only consisted of less than 10. No Id like to assume that the total number was less than 10 but she could have kept going outside of her phase.
Im willing to look passed who she used to be. Im in love with who she is. But my feelings are getting crushed here.

>>16720731
>But my feelings are getting crushed here.

There's no better time than now, to realize how little the rest of the world cares about a man's feelings. Stop fishing for sympathy and just get back in the game. Sympathy isn't going to do you even good, even if the internet had any to give.

>>16720766
I know no one cares about a guys feelings. Im not fishing for sympathy. But Im not about to listen to people say sex isnt important.
Might as well order a few hookers and try to get back with her after it.

>>16720804
Every man should hire a prostitute at least once, so he will know what a pussy is worth.

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Why not just abstain from sex completely? You become used to it after awhile and with the plethora of porn is it really worth the possibility of getting cooties,child,money drain or any of the other issues that comes with such social interaction?

>>16720884
>>16720851
No idea why it deleted your post number from my post.

>>16720731
10 is a phase? that is almost a starting football team and I get why this shit hurts you.

>>16720907
hoeing for grades phase

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>OP lost his virginity to a v-card collector

Cheer up, I'm turning 32 in a few weeks and I still have mine.

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>you need to Man Up and accept her past
>bitter virgin!


Did I stumble onto r/feminism?

>>16720996
/adv/ is worse - /adv/ is more like /r/relationships

/r/feminism is for feminists who aren't blistering-hot angry at the moment

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>>16721009

It's still a bunch of degenerates shitting on any kind of morality as oppressive, sexist, dumb, etc- so yeah, any kind of Reddit

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>>16721013
It's just a different set of morals.

One organized religion says you're not allowed to have sex outside of marriage. One organized religion says men aren't allowed to gripe about their one and only being vast and many. What's the difference? One is tax-exempt; the other is tax-funded.

>>16721030
one says be a whore, the other says dont.

>>16721030
You don't need to be religious to be repulsed by sluts.