pros and con's dating someone older

>>16633124
It's not gonna work out

It's not gonna work out

>>16633124
It's not going to work out, not because of the age difference but because

>but he doesnt have a job and he kind of just sits around at home and he doesnt really know what he wants to do in the future

>>16633130
We're not planning on moving in together or anything so is this still going to be a problem? Why is it a problem?

It's not gonna work out

>>16633134
It implies he's a forever manchild, and anyway normal male 25 yo male wouldn't go after 18 yo girl, because young pussy aside, guys know young girls are pain in the ass and not a good relationship material (too many discrepancies). From what you told us he seems like a worthless guy, who can't find a girl his age (bc girl his age would nag him to grow up and take care of his life most likely) so he goes after easy, young girls

Lets say he gets a job and his own apartment, will it be green flag then?

>>16633155
No

>recently met a guy
>really love him and he loves me
It's not gonna work out

>>16633147
This. When I was 17 I dated a 23 year old and after we broke up I realized so many things that were wrong with us. He was with me because he couldn't get girls closer to his age because he did nothing all day but play video games and he didn't have any future plans. We were in love and it was nice but I started growing up and he didn't, still hasn't. There's usually a reason guys like that go for teen girls.

>>16633164
Like I'm very cynical but damn you have no faith

>>16633147
>>16633167

That's is what i say to my losers friends who always go for teenagers

They don't have the balls to get a woman who is doing something in life

>>16633147
This. Holy shit teenage girls are fucking awful people

Flip side, 29 yo male with a high end job. Love dating 18-20 year olds because I dont have to deal with any bullshit. Then again it's like 3 month stints.

A girl who dates an older man is like a boy who dates a girl with huge tits. Maybe they really are attracted to their partner's personality but there is a 99% chance they are dating for the wrong reasons.

>>16633134
You can't just not do anything.

>>16633467
Do i try to change him to meet my standards? That just seems shitty..
Or is that what im supposed to do and try to make him a better person?

>>16633134
Because even without you living together he can't take care of himself. Let's say you do move in together, what's the magical transformation that's gonna come and change him from a bum who does nothing all day to someone who can get and keep a job? You also said he's not sure what he wants to do in the future so what does he have a degree or prior job experience in? It's great that you guys love each other but there are other important factors that need to be worked out/addressed as well.

>>16633488
He has a basic education in engineering but doesnt have an intrest in it any more...
I'd like to belive that he'll change his mind if i keep bringing the subject up that i dont like that hes just sitting around at home and that i wont keep the relationship going if he doesnt get a job and move out of his parents house but idk.. maybe that'll make him motivated

>tfw 18 yr old girl who likes a 24 yr old guy
am i doomed /adv/?
he's got a good head on his shoulders and is currently is in college for a biology major (he delayed college a few years to go to military school)

>>16633546
This is my thread bitch leave

>>16633178
>keep telling that to yourself cause your friends prefer young and ALIVE girls

>>16633167
>He was with me because he couldn't get girls closer to his age

Funny thing. I'm 23 yo right now, I sit all day playing vidya and I can score girls my age, but still prefer younglings ;)

Tbh, girls under 18 are harder to get for me.

>>16633588
>I can score girls my age, but still prefer younglings
No you really can't, it's why you go for 18 and under, because it's easier and know you it. Don't lie to yourself bro.

>>16633546
You're not doomed. However you need to ask yourself what makes you attracted to him. You have many more things in common with someone your age.

>>16633602
Lol, funny thing that I've only ever been with girls over 18

>>16633546
Girls usually go for older guys, it's always been like this and it's cool.

Look at people's parents, for example.

>>16633607
We have everything in common. We became friends first, and I only consider people dateable if I've been friends with them.

>>16633622

So why the fuck are you even worried?

>>16633622
You can't have everything in common. You are at completely different stages of your life. He has things about him that a 18 years old don't have. Is there a possibility that any of those things figure in your level of attraction?

>>16633638
>You can't have everything in common.

>2016
>still thinking that age equals maturity in our day and age

>>16633546
It's not gonna last, that is all. Your maturity levels will grow more different with time and he will find a girl on his level,

It's pretty common for guys to date younger girls as starters and then as they mature to leave them behind and find a 'real' gf closer to their age

>>16633366
>>16633588
>>16633602
Gonna be that guy: how do you score the young girls?

>>16633476
You cannot make someone a better person, no matter how hard you try. If he's unmotivated and aimless at 25, he going to be the same at 40.

>>16633622
>We have everything in common
No you don't, I've known a lot of people and not one of them have I had everything in common with, it's not possible.

OP did you ever straight up talk to him about this? Like about more details of what he might want to do or has planned? I know you might be afraid to come across as making him commit and be serious so soon into the relationship but if you're more mature in this situation and he refuses to be employed/somewhat responsible, is he worth staying with?

>25
>No job
>No plan

Yikes. My husband was 25 and I was 20 when we met - 5 year age difference. But, we were both working, he had his own place, I was finishing school, and we both had plans. It's one thing to not have a job; I understand it's still tough for a lot of people to get jobs, but to have no plan to change that? Does he have a degree? Is he taking classes? What's the point of being with someone who lives with their parents and does nothing all day? He sounds lazy and unmotivated and if he's not suffering from depression or something, that's not going to change. You're just going to end up being a second mom to him.

You're just starting your adult life. He's well into his. It sounds like he has no reason to change, and you don't want to stay stuck with a guy with no motivation and no future. Do you really want to end up moving into his parents' house and watching him play LoL and bitching about how he never pays attention to you? There's so much out there to experience. There is so much life to live. There are so many people out there who will help you grow and enrich your life. This guy is a lesson, not a life partner.

>>16633775
Different older guy here. It's easy to score younger girls, you simply need to be everything that guys her age are not. Mostly this is stuff that you have by default and don't even have to think about. I'm in my 30s and have a stable and well-paid job, have seen and experienced things around the world, have my life together in general, and don't behave like an angsty teenager. So it's not weird at all that girls in their 20s would be attracted to me.

>>16633971
He does have depression and so do i. I feel like hes the only one that fits me and that there's no one like him in the world. Maybe its just love talking here but id feel bad if i had to break up with him because of this. Id be worried what he'd do if i left him and im worried what id do if he left me

>>16634230
The group of people you know is so small and your standards are very low because you are inexperienced. I can guarantee that there is a better fit for the both of you. You are young and your feelings are intense. Heartbreak hurts, especially at your age.

Age differences don't matter as much when you're older, but you're still young enough that it does have an effect. Like I said, your life is just starting and there's so much for you to experience and so many people to meet before you meet the person that's right for you. All I can do is say from experience this isn't going to work out, and if you continue to stay with him because you "love him," you won't end up happy. We let ourselves be controlled by this idea that we "love" someone when really, it's just a replacement for the fear of being alone. Don't let yourself stagnate and be held back by someone with no motivation when you're just starting out.

Honestly though, it sounds like you've already made up your mind. I'm not going to tell you it's a good idea or encourage you to stay. I wish you the best of luck.

>>16633124
Its doomed. Im 26 and unemployed since a layoff. I know this because Im unmotivated to do shit but look for a job which is tough. I have no plans anymore. My plans were unrealistic at best. Im selfaware of my situation and that women my age want more. At the moment, I cant contribute shit so I wouldnt waste time getting women my age or younger. I as 26 y/o man with no real plan prefer to be alone and find ways to make it better for myself than go for any chick because eventually she will get tired of my bullshit and leave me to rot. Ill be setting myself up for humiliation if I did and I cant blame her. Even if it takes a decade or it never happens, I will be admant about not attempting to get a gf at all until I get my shit straight. Thats why I dont even have a facebook, because I am nowhere. Its sad but like I said, Im looking for ways to get better so I guess thats a bit of motivation.

You either need to have a serious talk with him or leave him. Hes stagnant like me and time will only tell if he shapes up. That can be a while from now so most likely you will leave.

>>16634285
Thanks for being honest anon

>>16634358
Well shit..

I'll honestly have a talk with him about the subject later this week. Thank you anon

Jesus, I dated a guy like this for two weeks. And I used the term extremely loosely, it was more like a glorified booty call.

We're both 26, and I'm gonna outline our differences and you can do the math on why it didn't work.

I've had a license and have been driving ever since I could. He hasn't gotten a license yet (maybe has by now, I don't keep track).
I moved out completely on my own when I was 24, would have done sooner only I kept signing leases and didn't want roommates. He's lived with his mom most of his life but for a brief stint at an older girls apartment.
I've had steady jobs since I was 18. He hadn't been working for a while when I met him.
I have my own car, a job that pays well, and my own place.
He likely works a part time job, no car, lives at home.
Oh, and he's an alcoholic in denial. I drink, but I don't need to drink every day.

And as far as I know, he wants me back. But I'm about to start banging someone who lives like two blocks away and has a pretty okay job. So peace out, dead beat!!

I wouldn't waste your youth on a guy that'll likely be in quarter life crisis mode soon.

That guy sounds like who I'd be if I don't get my shit together and do something

>>16633984
How do you usually met them?

Sup, presently jobless 27 year old living at home hooking up with a 20 year old sophomore (started having sex when she was 19). We've been together for 4 plus months, she's falling hard for me.
Never expected that much of an age gap between me and a girl. Not surprised, and still at times a little self-conscious about the age difference.
She's very intelligent, super fit and on the dance team, and has her shit together, but there's no denying that there is at least a minor generational gap between us.
She says something is 'V cool,' which I have refused to address because I don't need help sounding like a geezer.
She has nice friends, but I shudder, and absolutely despise walking into her dorms, the handful of times I've had to do it.
She's an ABC who looks 14 also, so that makes it... weird.

We met at my previous job though, and she is the one who chased me. She was always flirty with me, and I brushed that shit off and just joked around with her while ignoring the connotations. Because she was 19, of course. But she kept goin and goin, and eventually got one of our coworkers to give her my number, whereupon she contacted me and asked me to go on a hike with her.
4 months later...

I've had a few discussions with friends about the situation. One older female friend of mine acknowledges that maybe there's something after 4 months, but she says she will always have issues with it because of the age difference (she is almost 30).

Happy to answer questions.
This kind of thing isn't for everybody. Lord knows I'm still surprised by it.

>>16635888
Is she trying to change your current situation with you being unemployed and still living at home? How does she feel about sll this?do you see a future with her?

I just turned thirty, my fiancée is nine and ten years older than myself... best decision of my life.

>>16636047
She doesn't say anything about it, and i make enough jokes about it that i dont think it seems a taboo, or even potentially embarrassing topic. Of course awareness of how my situation can be perceived isn't a substitute for anything. I seem to be progressing enough as a human being that she doesn't start to worry about that. I think.

She has a very strong personality, kind of crazy but in the outgoing, assertive, confident way. Just by being older and more experienced I have at least the illusion of more maturity than guys her age.
That seems to do it for her. That seems to do it for a lot of girls.

i've had a relationship with a man 17 years my senior and was recently interested in another guy who was also that much older, but it was more of a mild crush. i'm 24.

the first guy was terrible to be with. he was a doctor and very wealthy and intelligent, but he was also an unconventional person. he tended to always date women in their early 20s, but he never respected them. he was manipulative and cruel.

with the second guy, it was more straightforward: he was also very intelligent and pretty successful in his career, but he was immature--it was obvious why he got along so well with someone my age.

the way i see it, both of these men never could've dated a 40-year-old woman because they lacked maturity. i am "mature for my age" and tend to get along better with older people, but typically, if they want to date me, either they're immature, don't actually respect me, or both.

with 25 and 18, it's different, but i don't know. age always matters. you want someone who will add value and help you grow. if this guy has no job and no direction in life, you're only going to be stagnant with him.

>>16636265
i should add that the pro of dating someone older usually IS that they're more mature and have more to teach you. but then, if they're that mature, they'll find a mature woman their own age.

so i just can't really see a pro to dating an older guy if he doesn't have much going for him.

>>16633147
A woman his age is already divorced with 2 kids. And they usually have kids to be NEETs themselves.

>le full time mom

>>16633124
a 25 year old who doesn't have a job or any motivations isn't going to do you any good

any romantic idealization of his situation that you engage in is only going to make it worse

you don't love him. you think you do, you might have yourself convinced you do, but in a few years when he's long gone you're going to realize you never did.

the age difference isn't the problem, it's his lack of motivation. it's not cool, romantic, or interesting; it's damaging and contagious. you will get hurt.

>>16636333
Is this situation forever doomed or can it be fixed some how?