I need to improve myself fast

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I'm becoming a monster /adv/, I fell in love with a girl when I started uni, before uni I was a total shut-in, had no experience with the other sex and have no confidence in myself when I converse with them, she ended up rejecting me, she wasn't nasty about it but it was pretty much "You're a nice guy anon...". I ended up cutting my arms with shaving razors and choked myself in front of a mirror with a cable until I began to feel like I was losing consciousness, it settled after a while and I made myself go to mental health appointments, I'm supposed to be going to proper counselling soon, but I don't think I can wait that long, I ended up talking to a girl that got rejected and was overly clingy to the point everyone takes the piss out of her, it was originally out of sympathy but I'm scared I'm falling for her and don't want to feel the pain again. I ended up losing my shit at home and scared my mother and 10y/o brother when I began cutting my arm and stabbing the sink in front of them, I don't want to do this to them, I don't want my brother growing up with a crazy brother that he idolises for some stupid reason. I don't know what the fuck to do to, one minute I want to find someone, the next I end up hating myself knowing I don't deserve love if I'm this much of a monster to my family for hurting them emotionally. I know I'm overreacting to it all, but it's all too much to bear.