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Quick backstory, I have a boyfriend of 1 and a half years. Moved

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Quick backstory, I have a boyfriend of 1 and a half years. Moved out of state together and into an apartment 7 months ago. He has severe paranoid disorder, I have mild bipolar. We have grown a shit ton together. The rough times were really bad but we both reached a point we never thought we could with another person.
A month before we left we had a threesome with a mutual friend ( she has a bf who said okay), great stuff let my bf get a few pumps in but I said no more than that.
Fast foward to a month ago he went home for two days for his grandmother's funereal. Fast foward to tonight, We get a little drunk, he's fighting with mutual friend (due to the paranoia this happens a lot), he comes in from talking. I try and console him, he breaks the news that when he went home they got drunk and fucked.
What do I do now? I literally can't help but love him, and I believe he loves me (he was sobbing saying a fuck doesnt mean anything to him, and that he has delusions that I cheated). And we've built an amazing life together here but I know I can never trust him again. Also the thought of sex right now makes me physically ill. I feel weak for wanting to forgive him, I given him a hell of a lot since we've been together. But the idea of ending this honestly tears me up. Please some outside advice, even just a view on the situation.
tl;dr Amazing bf who I built a life with gets drunk and cheats with a friend we both fucked one night, what do?
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>>16595849
My 3some basically ruined my relationship. Don't fucking trust that fuck boy no matter what he says. He cheated on you. I always believe you have some level of consciousness when you are drunk. He knew what he was doing. Either way even if you do "forgive him" it'll haunt you for the rest of the time you guys are continuing dating. It's already ruined your relationship. Cut it off now. He's toxic. I don't know what to say since you're in a new town though so maybe he won't fucking do it again. But you better lay down the ground rules.
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>>16595849
My 3some basically ruined my relationship. Don't fucking trust that fuck boy no matter what he says. He cheated on you. I always believe you have some level of consciousness when you are drunk. He knew what he was doing. Either way even if you do "forgive him" it'll haunt you for the rest of the time you guys are continuing dating. It's already ruined your relationship. He's toxic. I don't know what to say since you're in a new town though. That fucking SUCKS. If it weren't for that I'd go no contact and no talk to him ever again. But you better lay down the ground rules.
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>>16595874
Ugh sorry for the double post.

Also who is this bitch? She responsible too. Knock her fucking teeth in.
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It just hurts so bad. the idea of ending all this. I fucking hate that I want to forgive him so bad.
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>>16595884
I sent a nice message to her bf.
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My other issue is I honestly believe he will kill himself if I leave him.
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>>16595887
Wanna talk about it more girl to girl on kik or something? Sometimes its tough to get shit out on here.
I understand what you are going through completely because it's basically what happened to me my first and second semester of college with my first fucking boyfriend. It's not an experience anyone should have to go through. But it definitely helped me grow as a person.
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>>16595903
I dont have a kik, got a skype? I dont want to video though
I'm vidsnail
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>>16595897
Ugh well this is a tough one. Do you really think so? God. What a fucking selfish asshole. Tell him you need a break. Then if he comes crawling back and life is better off without him do not take that fucker back unless he has also changed and developed and matured as a person.
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>>16595897
that's really not your problem.

doubt he will, though.
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>>16595908
Yeah I got a skype. I'll have to pull out my laptop but it's no problem. My username is robopeen. It's retarded. Ik. I couldn't think of anything else lmfao.
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