transgendered girl very sad

With such an insightful and full of information post as for us to make judgement, I'm going to say you're just dumb.

>>16595528
i'm actually smart. maybe not as smart as you or others but yeah. i feel badly and when this happens it's hard to explain how i feel or why i feel. i kind of want to cut myself more just to express myself.

okay. i can try to explain. life is lonely and there's no way out as far as

blah okay.

it's hard even looking in the mirror and i feel like less of a person compared to everyone else. looking people in the eye is hard because i'm so very self-conscious. i have to go to work and school and interact with people just to survive, but it's starting to bother me. because i'm not a normal person and everyone knows it and i feel ugly and probably am.

>>16595510
Why not make amends for the things you've done to the best of your ability? Your guilt will not affect you and you'll be able to rightfully consider yourself a decent person if you do.
>ib4 the infinite abyss of death more welcoming to you than apologizing and asking those you've harmed what you can do to make things right with them

>>16595510
Maybe

>>16595543
if i admitted to the people involved what i've done it would probably make things worse. there was a guy i was seeing for a few months who happened to be married. i liked that he was married because it made me feel validated as a woman that some normal guys might be attracted to. it took months for me to realize that he didn't care about me as a person at all and just used me because i was so easy. he probably didn't even want me that much i don't know.

>>16595542
Have you been diagnosed with a mental illness? Go see a doctor.

>>16595565
don't think i've ever been officially diagnosed but have been on all kinds of psych drugs including antipsychotics. seeking help like that never helped.

i don't know what to do. everything makes me feel badly.

>>16595542
You need professional help. Seek it or wallow in despair, your call.

>>16595573
i'm here. this is me seeking help. you're my saviors. or you're not.

if you're not i don't know what might happen.

>>16595575
You need a licensed professional who can accurately diagnose your illness and prescribe medication and therapy to treat it.

>>16595579
i've had that a lot. even overdosed on my medications a few times. for some reason the medical help is unhelpful.

they lock you up for a few days and it's awful, and once you get out the weekly sessions with a therapist amounts to nothing. medication takes months to start working and more often than not it does nothing but make you sweat a lot and feel like nothing you experience with your senses is real. like everything is far away and you're distant in ways that go beyond the physical.

i probably sound like a little kid begging for attention but i'm honestly not, and i am a little worried.

>>16595593
Out of morbid curiosity, what have you done that makes you think you're a bad person?

>>16595607
mostly seeing that married guy for a while. wrote about it above, but it's kind of incoherent sorry.

>>16595615
From how you explained it, it sounds like he's the bad person - he's cheating on his wife and using you. If that's all you have, then no, you're not a bad person.

>>16595616
it's over now because i guess he got tired of me. but i knew he was married from almost the start and did it anyway. being touched and held was more important to me than being a decent person. i really do feel badly, especially now that it's over for some reason.

thanks though. you're nice.

>>16595627
Just my opinion, but the reason affairs are morally bad is because one person is breaking a promise of fidelity to their spouse. You aren't breaking a promise to anyone, so you're not doing anything bad. Sure, you knew he was married, but the health of their relationship isn't your responsibility.

>>16595654
it felt wrong to do it, but i did it anyway for selfish reasons. i was okay with being a bad person if i meant i could feel better about myself and have sex with an attractive guy who told me i was pretty sometimes and held me.

it's fine if you think it's okay and i'm not judging or anything. but i feel horrible for being such a weak person. and i feel worse knowing i'll probably never have that experience again. especially not in a real and good way that involves actual love and caring and things.

i really think i want to die.

>>16595672
If you found a married guy who wanted to be with you, even temporarily, then there are single guys that would want to be with you as well, you just haven't met them yet.

At the very least, if the only reason you want to die is because you think you're a bad person, you're not doing that bad thing anymore, so no reason to stop yourself from doing it. In addition, wanting love doesn't make you weak, it makes you exactly like everyone else on the planet.

You're not natural, and that's why most transpeople kill themselves.

>>16595698
something feels very wrong. i don't really know why i want to kill myself but it's there and it's very intense. hard to explain and probably no one could understand. it's like there's a big hole in my heart and it's eating away at my heart, as dumb and tacky as that sounds.

>>16595700
sometimes i wonder if people like this are right. there is something wrong with me and i can't make things right inside or out. this girl is mean and a jerk but she's not the only one. won't be the last one. maybe is right.

is this the end of my thread? made it far 20 posts. my problems aren't sexy or coherent

Im just curious as to why you felt the need to become transexual. I wouldn't become a women because I like the sexual reproductive organs that I was born with, and permanately mutilating my genitalia doesn't seem like it would change anything except regrettance in the future

>>16595945
transitioning is a choice but trans feelings are not. somehow something went wrong neurologically or something. i wasn't like the other boys and they called me faggot a lot. and i did like boys. always thought i was supposed to be a girl instead. played with makeup and crossdressing from a very young age and really liked it. it felt right. it still feels right, but my body doesn't. my face especially. it's not MY face.

>>16595510
its hormones
no fucking karma bullshit, no breaking "natural" course of life, no angered gods or whatever
its hormones, just go to a doctor

>>16595971
my hormones are in natural female range now. it took a couple years to get here but i know my hormones are fine now.

>>16595672
Okay some straight talk.
You have been warned.

Why are you projecting yourself onto their relationship? Honestly you are making this fantasy world where you are the sole reason this couple will separate. I'm sorry, but you don't have the right to take the credit for destroying their relationship. It was going down the shitter way before you and it would have continued down that path with or without you.

I'm sorry OP, but you are not the special irresistible girl that this guy could not resist.
This is life it happens, either you can learn from your mistake and grow as a person or let it consume you till there is nothing left. The choice is yours.

>>16596067
i know i'm not special. their marriage isn't even ending, as far as i know. sometimes i think about contacting her to tell her but that seems wrong too.

i don't think i'm anyone interesting or hot enough to be responsible for killing a marriage. but i still feel guilty and bad. it still eats at me.

Look, if nothing else, OP, I'll be sad if I hear you killed yourself. Don't do anything like that, please.

Hey OP. Please don't kill yourself. I don't think you're a bad person for seeing a married man. Temptation happens and we all make mistakes sometimes. Doesn't mean those mistakes dictate who we are for the rest of our lives. I can tell you've learned from it and theres nothing else you can do about it now. I really hope you find peace.

>>16595981
Not that poster, but I think they were talking about stress and mood hormones

>>16595542
>normal person
There are none.

>>16595654
I would feel bad too. Hooking up with someone in a relationship, and knowing about it, is a dick move.

Whatever, shot happens. You can't change the past, so move on. I've done tons of fucked up shit, am depressed a lot, want to kill myself a lot, and I'm still kicking. Just go day-to-day and fuck everything else.

Listen senpai, I'm not gonna call you a mentally ill degenerate for being a tranny, but from what I can tell you seem to have some issues either way. This doesn't necessarily relate to you being trans, but talking to a professional instead of a bunch of illiterate, socially defunct failures on a chinese papercraft forum is probably the best way to tackle this.

Feel sick to my stomach today at the prospect of going to work. I don't want to face the world.

>>16595723
why is she a jerk? it's just the truth
the world does not follow your every whim, you do not chose everything in life, your sexual orientation you can but not your gender breh

>Caring about some dude with a mutilated dick who's pumped up on estrogen
Why? You did this to yourself now shut up and fucking deal with it.

>>16597010
You can't choose either of those things.

No that's a Terrible idea...

>>16597084
you're right

>transgendered girl
You mean a guy playing dress up as a woman.
>am i a bad person?
Yes.
>i should kill myself?
Fantastic idea.
>it's hard even looking in the mirror
Because it makes you acknoledge the utter stupidity of youor actions
>i feel like less of a person compared to everyone else
That's because you are.
>looking people in the eye is hard because i'm so very self-conscious
No, you find it hard because they all know you're fucked in the head, so it makes it more difficult to pretend that what you're doing is socially acceptable.
>i'm not a normal person
Correct.
>everyone knows it and i feel ugly and probably am.
You are. You're a "woman" with a square jaw, an adams apple, broad shoulders and big hands. To any sane person, you look horrific.

>>16595510
>transgender
Why would you mutilate your body to roleplay as a girl. Thats just sad /a/non. I really hope transgender is reversible for your sake because most trannys off themselves.

>>16595510

you haven't given any information to indicate you're a bad person. The only thing you've said is you're sad and trans

delusional? sure. you aren't a woman because you do stereotypical feminine things and tell yourself you are every day. that's not what it means to be female

are you possibly depressed and need therapy? sure. Should you kill yourself? probably not unless you're some sort of child molester

Bumping so I can reply to things soon without thread dying.

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>>16597386
>No, you find it hard because they all know you're fucked in the head, so it makes it more difficult to pretend that what you're doing is socially acceptable.
i find it hard because i think they might think i'm fucked in the head. and you're mean.

>>16597879
another mean poster with nothing substantial to say.

>>16597946
i feel like a bad person for a number of reasons. biggest is the married guy whom i miss dearly. but also being trans makes me feel like i've let my parents down. especially my dad. i never met his expectations and failed at basically everything when it came to being like him. it must hurt him, and i worry both of my parents blame themselves for my being trans.

but i'm not delusional and i don't understand why you would even mention it. what good does that do me, or you?

therapy. i'd try it again i guess, but can't afford it.

>>16599044
>and i worry both of my parents blame themselves for my being trans.
It's more than likely they do. Like, you don't even like the genetalia that formed as a result of their sperm and egg mutating. Most parents take their offsprings' selfmutilation personally, from tattoos and cutting as well.

>>16599054
well there's nothing i can do about it but feel bad. and as a teenager i cut myself a lot. they probably hate my scars and see those as personal failings, too :(

not so much the tattoos. not sure you even included them.

so basically all i can do is feel guilty for everything i've put them through. dammit.