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So, my gf of 5 years broke up with me 10 months ago. It was rough

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So, my gf of 5 years broke up with me 10 months ago. It was rough as hell but we had a good, clean breakup. I understood and respected her points

Now for the past 9 months Ive been working alot on myself, I still miss her alot tho. I saw her 2 times in real life during these 9 months. It was really weird, it was almost like we were still together. She would be really close to me and couldnt stop hugging me, almost like she was still in love. So I asked her "are u sure u made the right choice?" she said yes. So I said, I cant speak or see her anymore because it just made things harder.

Now I havent spoken to her for about 4 months and she suddenly texted me yesterday, that she wants to meet up with me. What do I do? I have no idea what to expect. Im afraid she just wants to be friends, because she mentioned it before that she would love to just be friends after all this but I cant do that. Or does she want me back? I dont know if I can handle this, but her texting me to meet up made my heart jump out of my chest from happiness Id love to see her again. But maybe Im just having false hope..

Halp?
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She got her good dicking and now wants to be in the warmth of your safety, either as a friend or to fuck again. Your choice.
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>>16589398
It sounds like she's just coming to you when she needs an emotional pick-me-up, to know that she's still wanted by someone. She's just using you. I wouldn't even be surprised if you had broken up so that she could try pursuing things with other people, but now that it's not working out, she thinks she can come back. She probably expects you to just take her back, without complaint.
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I am gonna try to keep it short and need you to read carefully.

I have been in exactly the same situation and ended up going through several breakups and getbacktogethers. Be thankful for the time with her, be thankful for a good, clean breakup. Not many people get that. Be proud that you worked on yourself, and be proud that you reflect on whats happening and are seeking advice. But do NOT have contact with her, especially do not meet her in person. She broke up with you, you owe her nothing. It is normal to be sad and to feel lonely, and she probably feels the same, that is why she wants some sort of contact. But your relationship is over, and it's never coming back.

Decline friendly and say that you moved on, then keep moving on. There are millions of nice people in this world, don't let one person destroy what you have been working on.

Good luck with your new life, OP. It is going to be great and the loneliness is going to fade away!
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Have her explain what she wants over text. Personally wouldn't do it. No where near dated 5 years but twice a girl broke up with me, came back, then left again. Once they know you'll do anything for them, they know they can leave whenever and come back when times are tough, then leave again.
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>>16589411
>>16589423

This. If you get back together, she owns you. Never gonna end well, so just be haps about the clean break up
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I guess I should decline, as I expected..

I always considered her to be 'the one', imagined spending our entire lives together. My parents broke up once, for 6 months, got back together and got happily married, still together. Maybe Im just having too much false hope. I still love her too much goddamnit
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>>16589436
>My parents broke up once, for 6 months, got back together and got happily married, still together.
But your situations are different as you probably split for different reasons (and those reasons really do matter). If you can figure out why she threw away 5 years to essentially disappear for a year, that doesn't boil down to lolpenis, then maybe you have a chance. But she'll have to come clean about everything. If life was just "too tough," or some shit, then won't she do the same thing again?
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We have a thread a like this every single day, do OP actually frequents /adv/ or is new here?
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>>16589458

She became too dependant on me, she was suffering from a pretty bad depression the last year of us being together before the breakup. I was always there to solve her problems, to make her feel better again. She went into therapy for her depression.

Her therapist also told her that she was becoming to be too dependant on me, that she wouldnt learn to be strong herself if I was always there to be strong for her. So she essentially became a hopeless mess when she I wasnt there. This made our relationship more and more unhealthy over time. I became her caretaker instead of her boyfriend.

I often at times thought of breaking up myself, because her depression and negativity at the time were also costing me alot of my energy and time. But I could never get it over my chest to leave her, and she knew I never would, because I loved her too much.

In the end she cut the cord for the both of us, she felt the need to be able to be strong on her own, and she felt more and more guilty over time for dragging me down with her, and she couldnt take that anymore. All in all it was a clean but bittersweet breakup because we both knew this had to happen.

I had always hoped tho that when we wouldve grown into better, stronger persons, we could be together again
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>>16589463
But not all situations are exactly the same, and some require different, thought out answers.
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>>16589470
Well, she may or may not have made some groundbreaking changes. There's still a chance that you two can be together if she's learned to be independent, has her emotions mostly under control, and you stop trying to fix everything for her. This is important information that really changes everything--I don't understand why you didn't put this in the OP.
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The only way is to move on, she chose to break up with you, why on earth would you want to get back with someone who in an instant threw 5 years of your life away. It's good that your concentrating on yourself, and keep doing that. There's no such thing as being friends with an ex partner, maybe for a few weeks you may feel like you are friends, but slowly they'll just dissappear from your life. It's in the past for a reason, go do something you love, and you may meet someone you love.
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>>16589470
Thanks for the info, this puts things into perspective. I can assure you now that you should definitely not have contact with her again, both of you got out of the relationship in the best possible way. Major depression is something you never really get rid of and it is best for her to move on as well and find luck elsewhere. Her coming back to you will reactivate all those old memories for both of you, which may even trigger depression for her again. Be strong, OP, both for yourself and for her.
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>>16589398
Dont get trapped OP this is something you need to move on from. Just say no.
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>>16589471

>long term gf brake up
>dive into a sea of dicks
>get bored
>start playing mind games with cuck
>cuck wants her back even knowing its fated to fail anyways
>proceed to ask /adv/ the obvious

So much diversity.
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>>16589498

Or she may not have slept with anyone. Again, it all depends on why they split. I left someone for a small time, due to some personal issues I had to deal with, and I came back after I recovered. I didn't sleep with, or see, other people. I was determined to get better, to be a better partner, and I did.
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OP here, what Im fearing most is regret. Regret if I tell her no now. That I will think back of this moment for years and keep wondering what could have been.

I might rather even get hurt again than have regrets... I guess this really is just a gamble, pretty much both choices can end up in regret. Who am I to take the safe way out tho, I dont want to be ruled by fear
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>>16589519
Even if you don't meet up in person, at least ask her what she wants from you through text.
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>>16589523

I just did, because of advice of anon. She said "she wanted to talk" when I asked, what about? she said "I rather tell you in person"

So yeah, still in the dark
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>>16589507

I don't know if i missed something but op didn't said anything about the reason of the brake up being stress or too much stuff going on, so i just presume she got bored of him and wanted to try diversity, which is probably the case.

Anyway its really rare a relationship grow stronger after a brake up, people end relationships for a reason
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>>16589534

See >>16589470

She has depression and became too dependent on him. It sounds like she took some time away to work on her mental health.

>>16589530
Tell her if she has something important to say then she needs to just say it.
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>>16589519

Regret is what you will feel if you went through two years of breakups with the same person, going through so much disappointment and love and fears and fulfillment and loneliness at the same time that it takes you years to get over it, if you ever manage. Don't fucking do it, bro. I have written this repeatedly.

In the end it is your decision and I did not follow the advice I got, now I wish I had.
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>>16589551
No. That'll just stress them both out and important things should be discussed in person. Tell her that it's still extremely painful to speak to her in person and youre thinking about it still. Tell her if she's going to just ask if you can be friends not to waste her time because again, it's still too painful and the answer will be no. (If that's how you feel) it could be important though, so make sure it's not that and think about it. Your call.
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>>16589585
>That'll just stress them both out and important things should be discussed in person.
If she can't give him a general idea of what's going to be said, then he's just wasting his time. I do think they should talk in person, but not until he has proper incentive. That's just going to get his hopes up, and it may be all for nothing.
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If she wants to get back together OP ask her how many people she slept with then get tested for STI

It seems like the way you speak you haven't moved on. Have you pursued other women?
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If you get back together you guys are going to fall into the same rhythm of caretaker/victim. I had the same kind of relationship, though I was you. I don't know how to be "just boyfriend/girlfriend" together anymore. I am the caretaker and that's all I can see when I look at my ex. I was an enabler.

It's what you guys set out as your normal dynamic for five years. Five years! It would be so easy to go back to what was. If you do get back together, the both of you should be seeing a therapist together and separately.
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>>16589398
Learn to use the word: NO
Thread posts: 28
Thread images: 1


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