How do I stop defining myself by the attention and approval of others?

>>16589176
Self esteem.
If you need aproval, your self esteem is probably shit.
Remember, self esteem is what you think about yourself, and how much do you love yourself.

>>16589193
I'm fucking garbage. Now what?

How do you gain self esteem ?

>>16589200
garbage as in how? are you a neet?

>>16589200
Sigh.. Find something you love yourself for.

It can be anything, you can love yourself because you did something others did not, for being rich even.
Just find the reason why are you proud of yourself , you dont need to tell it to others, its for yourself.

It does not need to be colosal or follow principles of society, that way you would be fucked up again lol

Spend time alone and make yourself into something you like. If you don't like what you are you change it.

>>16589206
I just graduated this christmas so yes I suppose I am now.

It wasn't even a college degree or anything, just an art school for retards, amd I gotta find a real education next. I don't want to think about it yet, I don't think any school or job is going to be looking for people before new year's anyway.

>>16589208
There is literally nothing to be proud of.

>>16589210
I'm literally always alone.

What am I supposed to change?

Find your purpose. Your path in life is very crooked right now, and you feel as though you are stuck in a rut. You are. The mountain in front of you is moveable, you just need a little help.

>>16589216
What don't you like about yourself?

>>16589217
I'm too fucking stupid to cure cancer I'm not going to fucking go to sudan to feed starving slave traffickers to lions or some shit.

>>16589221
None of it. Literally none. I hate everything about myself. Hair, height, face, skin tone, eye colour, personality, dressing style, interests, hobbies, taste in music, ethnicity, gender, lifestyle, nationality, sexual orientation

Literally

Fucking

Everything

>>16589227
Well than, change it.
Problem fixed.
You dont care about it anyway.

>>16589231
How do I stop being myself and start being someone else?

>>16589235
One step at a time.
Go and be random for the rest of the day.
Find and watch something random, listen to something random.
If you like it, continue doing it.
In time, all this small changes, in your mind, will acumulate.

>>16589235
It may sound stupid/cliche to you i dont care, but it is about changing mindset.

>>16589239
FUCKING TELL ME HOW

>>16589248
Here
>>16589237

>>16589237
But by the time they've stuck to me, they have become a part of me, and therefore trash as well.

If you put a banana peel on rot, and it starts rotting, it becomes more rot. Adding things to trash does not make the trash cease to be trash, it only turns everything placed upon it trash as well.

>>16589235
That is EXACTLY the aim of people who ONLY define themselves by the attention and approval of others.

Being liked is the same as getting laid, to be really good at that shit you gotta stop caring about it almost completely. I don't mean being an anti-social asshole and that shit, I mean just being normal.

Work on your looks and personality, step by step. Get a good haircut, buy some decent clothes after getting decent advice. Work on your attitude, smile more (or less), talk to people. Find interesting things to do, do sports, whatever. But the key is to realize that all these things are not gonna work if you do them to be liked or get approval. Get a haircut because YOU want to feel better, buy decent clothes because YOU want to. Find interest in people and listen to them because YOU are interested in them (not in a creepy-and-centered-on-a-single-individual way, just in every single communication you have with anyone). Do interesting things because YOU want to and YOU are having fun doing them. Do sports because you want the feeling of giving everything while working out and YOU want to feel exhausted and happy afterwards.

Oh and quit the fucking self-pity. The world is filled with people who have less money, are less healty, less good looking, have less access to activities and information, and have bigger problems than you do.

>>16589227
Pick one of those things a week and work on it. The next week pick something else to work at as well. Rinse and repeat until you're what you want to be.

It will take years of work.

>>16589256
I am >>16589257 and regret typing that much. Stop fucking whining you asshole. Because that is what you are if you don't change yourself instead of complaining: An asshole. Not trash, just an asshole.

>>16589260
>It will take years of work

Exactly! And before OP realizes this and starts RIGHT FUCKING NOW, I am not wasting any more time here.

By killing yourself. Or just not caring. You could do both.

>>16589257
How do you pick up good hair and good clothes when what looks good is a social construct, and entirely dependent on the opinions of others?

A diamond is only better than granite because people think it is.

>>16589272
So you're saying you have absolutely no preference or opinion and are only living for other people.

Wrong. Find what you like and be it.

>>16589278
You are missing the whole point of "everything about myself" thing. I do mean EVERYTHING. Not the way I dress, not the music I listen to, but every. Single. Detail.

If you put a hat on a tangerine, it will still continue to be a tangerine.

I'd really rather be you. I have no idea who you are or what you do, you might be a morbidly obese chinese double-amputee who shits himself whenever he smiles, but I'd really rather be you than myself.

>>16589284
Kill yourself.

>>16589284
I'm not asking you to change everything. I'm asking you to find one thing and change it. A single thing. Go get a haircut, or buy a new pair of jeans, or read a new book. One thing.

When you've completed thay one thing, you find one more thing to change and you do so. If you don't like everything about you then that's great news, you'll never run out of things to improve on.

>>16589328
You're not asking me to change everything. I am.

It's not my hair or my clothes. I've done everything physically possible with my hair and clothes. It's not enough that my friends and family can't recognise me. It's still me in there. And I fucking hate that.

>>16589341
You can only change everything one step at a time. There is a philosophical argument called Theseus' ship. Imagine a ship leaves it's home port. After several months they stop for repairs and replace a couple sails. A couple months more and some crew are replaced, then some timber, and after years go by you find that nothing the boat originally left with remains on the boat. The question is: is it still the ship of Theseus if it has nothing it started with?

You are not your physical attributes,nor your mannerisms, nor your memories nor hobbies nor aspirations or failures. You are something at the core, the fundamental decision maker. The chooser. And you will always be in there. Shed the surly bonds of your individuality, you are a child of all the universe seeing itself from the inside. Choose to be better, choose to remake thyself. Choose, or perish in the muck and grime of self-pity.

You have to stop being woman

>>16589358
>Theseus' ship
That's exactly the problem. If I change things one by one, I will still continue to be me. It will still be the same. But there are things that I can't change, and once everything else is changed, I will start hating them, and I'd rather not tear my eyes out of my head because I hate that they're grey.

I fucking hate that fundamental core.

>>16589368
Well then kill yourself because thats the only thing that will rid yoy of it. That core is prevelant in all living things. You miss the point of the argument, you assume the answer that the ship is the same ship is correct. There is a duality you are missing: the ship is both the same ship and not the same ship, simultaneously.

>>16589375
Well, I can't do that. I can't change every piece of the ship.

>>16589377
Nor could the crew on the ship all at once. But you can change one thing at a time. And time is the one thing you have lots of.

>>16589384
I just wish I could stop feeling so disgusting.

>>16589392
That feeling starts to leave the second you start to improve yourself.

>>16589392

I wish people would stop replying to your ignorance. But hey, we all got different wishes.

>>16589401
What do I need to do?

>>16589414
I don't know your life so I cannot give you specifics. I can't tell you how to act or how to dress or how to talk. All I can tell you is you need to constantly strive to improve yourself to be a little better than you were the day before, if it's only a single aspect. If you work on one thing a day think of how you'll be 5 years from now.

>>16589419
no

plase tell me how to act and how to dress and how to talk

any choice I make will still be made by me. I don't want to be myself, I don't want to be who my desicions make me.

>>16589429
Then I'll tell you what I tell everyone who says they don't want to be themselves: change yourself into something new and better, or kill yourself and be done with it. I am tired of reiterating myself and I have work to do. You are being greedy with my time. You have asked for advice and I have given you many posts saying the same thing: find out how you want to be and change yourself into that.

>>16589446
I'm sorry.

I just don't want to be at all.

>>16589447
Then don't. I'm highly encourage of suicide. Death solves all your problems. But even that is a choice, and one only you can make.

>>16589176
You should not worry about what people think of you,fuck what anybody thinks of you. It only matters what you think. If you thing negatively about yourself then you should work on that and try to improve your thoughts and should not work on making people think of you. I had this once, try a sport or a hobby or if there's something you enjoy to do then improve every time you do the activity. Then you will become successful on what you have been working hard at. Fame goes to those who succeed and not those who ask for it without doing a thing.

>>16589176
grow up

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>>16589446
>I am tired of reiterating myself and I have work to do. You are being greedy with my time.

eye roll