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Should I visit this girl?

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Need opinions, semi-complex backstory so I'll try and shorten it best I can

>Meet girl at work couple weeks back
>Walk her home after work, we hit it off, exchange deets, get a hug
>Go for coffee couple days later, goes really well, get another hug
>Ask her out on a proper date, solid full night, have lots of fun, lots of flirting, she asks me if I've told anyone about her yet, we're both really connecting
>She ends up asking me if I wanna go and stay at hers
>I oblige, we go back and watch a movie, then we start kissing, end up getting undressed and kissing in bed
>It was so late, we were both exhausted, and we kept laughing at bumping into each other, we decided to call it a night and try again another night so we didnt have sex

>Downside: She was going home the next day for the xmas holidays, and I was staying in our uni city for the next couple weeks for work

>She said on the night that we can talk over phone, and seemed really keen on the idea of me coming to visit her when I do come home (We live relatively near each other in our home cities)

>Next day, text her that I had a great time the night before, she texts me back that so did she, but she's sorry but she's not ready for anything emotional, its just too soon

>I say thats cool, I understand, hope we can still hang and stuff
>She says of course

>Over next week text her every couple days, as the week goes on text each other back more and more

Now we are here. Im going home on xmas eve. I was thinking about asking to come visit her in between xmas and new year, I just really wanna see her in person again.

She wont be coming back to our uni city until early january and that'll be for exams. I just really, really wanna chance to see her again.

Do I do it? Or do I just keep texting her and playing it chill?

I still dont know how she's feeling. If she still wants to date me again but just keep it slow, or what.
Sounds like she just wants to fuck
she's not ready for anything emotional because it's too soon...... sooo you can either convince her to change her mind or watch her change her mind on her own (or of course she doesnt, but if she does) this ends in a couple months with her breaking her heart because if she wasn't emotionally ready now and then decides she is in a couple weeks or months, she isn't and hasn't had the years it takes to sort though that issue
her breaking *your* heart


I think you're over dramatising this a bit. I found out she had recently gotten out of another relationship, and we'd only known each other for a week when we went out on the date.

I think it was just legitimately moving a bit too fast for her and she didnt wanna get tied up in another relationship so fast


I dunno. The other relationship I mentioned came out when we were being honest with each other on the date. She told me about breaking up with her long term boyfriend a couple weeks earlier, I told her "Oh, I hope Im not just a rebound then" and she assured me I Wasnt.

Apparently she didnt want a relationship for a while, but I convinced her (Her words)

I mean also with the fact that she was asking me if I'd told anyone else about her yet, seemed very disappointed that she couldnt go on the idea for a second date I told her about (on account of her going home) and while texting her she's said she missed me, and seems to still think of us as close. Im just not sure how close

We were talking about music, and she plays piano. I asked her if she would know anything that I would (named a couple bands) She said she didn't but she could learn something I liked.

Little things like that strike me that she still thinks of us as a romantic thing.
i've never known anyone to get over that problem in a matter of months UNLESS it was because they just ended a relationship. sorry, i didnt know that was why
oh and you convincing her of wanting a relationship is a red flag. if you do end up in one, you need to make it clear beforehand it has to be up to her. and because it sounds like she'd need to think through that without talking to you so she's not *convinced* by you, you'd probably want her to think through that alone

Sorry man I'm not getting you, what do you mean?
i've never seen someone go from being emotionally unready for a relationship to emotionally ready for a relationship in a matter of months, unless the reason they aren't emotionally ready is because they just ended a relationship a little while ago. that's entirely different than being emotionally unready out of immaturity

Well its certainly not out of immaturity. We're both a little old for that.

How is me "convincing her of wanting a relationship" a red flag?

>Sounds like she'd need to think through that without talking to you, so she's not convinced by you, you'd probably want her to think through that alone

...why exactly? Im pretty sure this is just a case of her being afraid to get back into a relationship because things were going so well between us, not a case of her being not sure if she liked me or not.

When I say we really hit it off, we really did. We had a great time together and we both kept realizing about how well we go together. Im pretty sure it just scared her
it's rough to have a discussion on here sometimes. and this is why: you convincing her of wanting a relationship isn't a red flag if she's an adult about shit. yet 90% of people who come here are going after people who don't sound too mature. ignore what i've said, and i apologize for treating this as if you two aren't grown adults. congrats on finding someone who's mature though =)

Sorry anon, like you say I think its just a case of poor communication over text on here. Thank you for taking the time to reply and try and help me anyway
now responding to the situation as if you're both adults: it sounds like she needs her space. that next day after having said to visit when you come home being the day that she says she's not ready makes me really hesitant of going forward with what the plans were. you know what i mean?

Yeah I agree. Thats why Im a bit iffy about the idea. If she feels things are going too fast, then asking to go visit her at home might be a terrible idea.

But then, I wanna see her at some point. And I dont wanna wait until she's coming over for exams in early January because its gonna be nearly a month since we've seen each other.

And she's not coming back full time to live until the start of February.

So I feel like I need to do something, but Im not sure what.

Maybe this week I could just say to her I really wanna see her again/I miss you, whatever sounds less clingy and more like I just wanna meet up again soon?
if it was me, i'd be feeling exactly the way you do, or at least i would have a few years ago. maybe it's that i've gotten between with signs or maybe it's because i'm not in your situation that i can see just how severe it is that the next day after plans have been made being the day she said she's not emotionally ready. it's basically like she said take a hint, im not ready to meet up. did she for sure? no, not necessarily. that 10% chance she didn't is why you wanna ask her incase she didnt say that the next day as a result of the plans being made and that having been what made her realize she's going too fast. but is it worth the risk? not from my perspective =/. i wish you didn't have to wait a month, but if it were me i would wait and keep up the talking while making sure she initiates at least 40% of the conversations or so
***maybe it's that i've gotten better with signs, not between.
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