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Being in love is suffering

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You know I'm desperate because I am asking 4chan for help.

Okay, to the point: there is a dude I like but he's on the other side of the planet. Same old story, right? He's kind of a popular being so he rarely talks to anybody (maybe due to a language barrier as well) but I had the luck to talk to him a few times. He's really sweet. When I said I like him I basically meant I am absolutely in an obsessive love with him. He sees me as another fan but to me he's a soulmate, the light of my life, my everything. I have strong urges to hug him, kiss him, tell him how much he means to me and treat him like the perfection he is. It hurts me because it will most likely never happen... Should I wait longer and suffer or just ... give up on life?
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>>16583262
He's not interested, doesn't share your feelings etc, stop being a pathetic creep and move on with your life. This shit is cringeworthy
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>>16583279
>just move on
Fuck off. If they really care about him, they're not moving on any time soon.
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I would give up. I had the same experience. Eventually I got tired of all the effort I exuded without results and all the dumb games she kept playing. So now I'll have to swallow the bitter pill of the truth and move on. So be it. Gl to you robot.
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>>16583285
no, pestering someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about you is a better solution
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>>16583315
I tried it. They block you and pester you back. Totally not worth it.
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>>16583279
It has been going on for over a year, how do I move on?
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>>16583331
normally, you cease contact with him, occupy yourself with other things, stop fantasizing about you two being together...
How old are you OP?
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>>16583337
I tried, belive me I tried so many times ... I'll be 18 in January
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>>16583363
then try again successfully this time, now you keep on waiting for something that won't ever happen
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>>16583371
I know, but hope is just too strong. I don't have anything or anyone else to hold on to, to believe in...
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>>16583383
He's not your savior. We can only save ourselves. The moment you understand love doesn't exist is the moment you will stop being so needy and will get much attention from men/women.
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>>16583383
christ, stop with self pity already. Learn to be rational and see hope when situation is at least a bit hopefull. This is done and done
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What's so special about this one guy? If you met him on the internet he's probably a beta-male of which there are millions you could find online.
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>>16583395
Oh ... well ... I've never seen it like this. I guess I really have no experience with love

>>16583400
That's what I'm kinda trying to do here
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Important question: do the two of you actually know each other, to any considerable degree?
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Ahh, I remember when I was 15 and in love with a seemingly amazing girl who had no feelings for me. Life was suffering and there was obviously no chance in hell I'd get her, but I kept on hoping. Until I finally understood how things work, ignored her completely, was sad for some time then got over it and realized she wasn't even that great to begin with.

It's not going to happen, OP. Cut all ties with him and move on with your life. It hurts, but the sooner you do it, the sooner you get over it and enjoy life again. Maybe you'll even find someone you love and loves you back, who knows?
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>>16583406
I really have no idea, he just charmed me I guess. I never met anyone like him
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>>16583435
So he stroked your ego, there's millions who can do that for you. Nothing special there.
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>>16583428
Depends on what is a considerable degree. We talked a bit but I'm not sure if he would recognize me if I suddenly messaged him. "Yeah, you know me, we talked once!"
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>>16583429
You sound kinda bitter, desu
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>>16583435
I can tell you what happened.

"Something about him" gave you sex signals. It might not have even been anything GOOD. For reasons that can't be summed up in simple terms of 'strong' or 'weak,' a person can become attracted to a another simply because they have the genes her body deems best for your body.

It's like a lock and key; the important thing to know is that it is an ancient impulse which has absolutely nothing to do with your long term happiness. Your body is just telling you: if you reproduce with THIS one individual in particular, then the offspring will probably have a good immune system.

I'm not even joking - it's just that this is how we've avoided dying to parasites over the millennia. Nature is an arms race, and your biological impulses want a kid who won't die to parasites.
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>>16583429
I guess I'll have to. I'm going crazy. Even my friends are saying I changed a lot this year

>>16583439
Maybe, but where are they hiding?
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What you need to realise is that the majority of the hype you have for him is all inside of your head. You're obsessed with him so everything he does and is appears to be much better than it actually is. I'm not being condescending when I say that you're too young so you don't understand what it is to be in love with somebody properly. you're in love with the IDEA that you have of this guy. You said that you've only talked to him a few times. You can't be in love with a real person with that little interactions. Even if he returned your affections you'd end up breaking up because you'd be putting 100% of yourself into this relationship while he would be putting in much less. It's not worth it.
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>>16583444
I'm not. I'm actually feeling nostalgic when I remember it.
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>>16583453
My body knows who to reproduce with based of some internet messages? I've never even seen his photo
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>>16583459
>Even if he returned your affections you'd end up breaking up because you'd be putting 100% of yourself into this relationship while he would be putting in much less
Contradiciton. Bait or just dumb.
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>>16583464
Nostalgia over pain you had? Don't have kids, you'd fuck them up with your "nostalgia".
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>>16583459
Dude, you kind of brought up my inner fears of him being an asshole irl... which ... can happen to be honest...
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>>16583466
What you don't have reading comprehension? If two people like eachother, one will usually be putting a bigger proportion of effort into the other. If he thought "hey I like this chick" but didn't realise that she was obsessed with him to such a degree, he'd probably break up with her after realising the truth.
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This guy is an internet personality or something, right?

You've barely talked to him, you've seen the public side of him but frankly public and private can be very different. it's likely that if you ever met him in person he would not be like how you perceive him.

You've constructed a vision of what this guy is like based on your experiences with him, but frankly that isn't a lot. A lot of this vision if him is probably going to be pure fabrication. Your vision of him wouldn't have any of the faults and problems that all real people have.

Try to remember that your love is not for a real person. You're in love with a construct you have made that looks like this guy and acts like how you want him to act.

If you want to get over this you need to break out of this habit of building him up in your mind. I don't know whether distancing yourself or talking to him more would make it worse, because frankly either of those could go either way. (out of sight out of mind/absence allows more imagination, vs. interacting allows you to see the negative parts/might only fuel obsession)
You need to decide what is the most effective way to break off that habit based on what you know of yourself and how you react tot things.
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>>16583454
>where are they hiding?
Try playing a mmo. Be sure to have a girly name and character. The neckbe.. erm nice guys are waiting for you.
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>>16583479
>he returned your affection
>you'd end up breaking
>he would be putting in much less
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>>16583481
While the basic gist of this might be true, it also smells like one big rationalization.
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>>16583470
I just see it as something silly and unimportant now. It's not about the pain itself, it's about the fact that I was so carefree that something so insignificant was my biggest problem.
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>>16583488
>you has a singular and plural form

what do you know
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>>16583496
I can definitely relate to that. I had a horrible relationship with a girl over the internet at age 15. It nearly tore my friendship group apart and there were some awful moments. Now we look back at how stupid it all was and laugh about it.
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>>16583496
What's significant then? I think love is pretty significant, is it not?
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>>16583481
He kind of is.

But I guess I've really fallen in love with my ideal ... I have to think about this. Because this isn't the first time I'm going through this "false love" kind of thing...
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>>16583465
If you've never seen his photo and you're falling over for him then this is already enough proof to say you are literally iin a faze you'll get over it
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>>16583529
Right, this too shall pass
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>>16583508
Love is significant. The kind of love that you nurture over many years, that comes from understanding a person, from spending time with them, from relying and being relied on by them.
That kind of idealized, baseless teenage love is just bullshit.
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>>16583529
I've always thought about it like this "I don't know how he looks like and still love him, this is true love!"
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>>16583538
That I agree with.
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>>16583538
And the question really is: does 'the kind of love that you nurture over many years" exist in females? In my experience it doesn't, but maybe I've just been unfortunate so far. Or maybe it's no coincidence after all, but one of the deeper truths of life. I don't know.
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>>16583554
It does exist, but it gets rarer with each day. Our culture is destroying it.
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>>16583570
I'm intrigued, how so?
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>>16583363
>admitting to being underage
Wew laddy

Having been there, it feels like shit but understanding and accepting the reality that nothing will come of it is really the best thing you can do. Otherwise you'll just keep wasting even more time and effort with no results and end up even more depressed and exhausted.

It won't make you feel better at first, but it will make you feel a lot better within a few months. It will be a lot easier to enjoy life when you're not occupying all your time with thinking about how much you care about someone you will likely never have. You'll feel like you're finally be free instead of being stuck in a cage with your thoughts and feelings driving you to the edge of your sanity.

You're still young and undoubtedly, you'll find some guy sooner or later that you feel just as strongly about or even more so. Someone who will actually feel the same about you.
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>>16583554
I'm sorry if you've had a hard time with that but I invite you to think about how ridiculous that claim would be were it flipped around to "all males", and how quickly people would jump down the throat of a woman who claimed the same thing. And rightfully so.

You've had shit luck, but this does not make all women incapable of feeling love. It's as absurd as claiming that all men cannot feel parental love. People are capable of feeling all range of emotions at all range of intensity levels. it just depends on the person.
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>>16583587
Maybe. But males aren't female, so who knows? We're all people, but Mars-Venus? Maybe the feminine truly is different in that respect. We can't bear children either.
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>>16583577
I addmited it because I thought it's relevant and doesn't matter anyway I think.

I always think about how it's impossible to love a person and they loving you back ... and yet it happens.
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>>16583590
Males aren't females but we're all human, and brain biology and chemistry doesn't vary -that- much. The most that it does is affect things like specialization, but that difference is pretty minimal and not consistent across the board. There may be more male hunters and female caregivers but that does not mean there isn't crossover. Biology is not nearly so restrictive, as restrictions lead to inability to adapt, and that ability is vital to survival.
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>>16583596
It always seems that way when there's someone you really like who doesn't feel the same about you.
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>>16583571
Basically feminism and all this clubbing/partying/live in the moment shit.
Women are not encouraged to be loyal and loving to one man anymore, they must be "strong", independent and have fun now.
Having fun now means getting shitfaced on a weekly basis, pursuing trivial affairs that give no long-term happiness. A fulfilling life is seen as flirting and fucking as many people now, without any emotional connection involved. Stability is no longer important when it comes to social interactions, you're told that you need to have fun now, don't worry about the future #YOLO.
Even women who have happy relationships are led to believe that there's more to life, that they're wasting their youth by not "experimenting a little". And partially, they're right, this kind of life is fun, but it dulls you emotionally. People who had fewer partners tend to have happier marriages, but we have more and more partners now. And now, even those who don't can find themselves wanting more, stuff that their spouses can't offer. We get bombarded with all kind of advertising for great things we can't have in your current life, so we're unhappy just because we know we could have something else.

I don't know if I'm making too much sense now, as it's late and I'm tired, but the main point is that we just have too many possibilities for short-term pleasure that dull us emotionally and make us unhappy in the long run. And we are actively encourage to try them.
Think about how happy a guy who lives a simple life in a remote place can be, without having any of the stuff we do.
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>>16583629
This is the reason the hook-up culture is a plague to society
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