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Relationship/parenting Advice

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I'll keep this short. I need some input as to what /adv/ thinks about this situation.
Gf and I dating for a few months, and the ex bf bans me from seeing "their" kid knowing that means I can't see her.

The entire time we were friends and started dating he would do petty shit to express his dislike of her hanging out with me b/c he has his own issues and fucked up their relationship. He cheated on her, lied to her constantly, treated her like shit, and refused to do even the simplest task to help raise his child.

Until 6-8 months ago he wouldn't even watch her or pick her up unless she (gf) made him do it. It was that bad. Even now, she has to tell him how to parent properly, make him come get her, and has to beg him not to drop her off early when he has her. Being a single parent is hard and wanting a whole 48 hours to relax is needed at times.

Gf and I have depression, just fyi.

Anyway. She and I are dating, things were going great, then she got scared she was getting too attached so she grew distant. We had a fight, and in the heat of the moment and during a bout of depression. I yelled at her and said something I'll regret until I die. After she cut herself, and I thought tried to kill herself I threatened her. Her daughter was present during everything (2yo).
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She took a nap as she was sick and depressed. I watched her daughter and we played for about 5 hours. After she awoke, and awkwardness we talked about the situation, and she expressed her fears.

She told her ex about the situation and he said that we needed time apart so she could think, and that he didn't want me around their daughter until she thought that i was safe to be around.
Over the next weeks or so we talked about the situation, and I expressed my sincere apology for the situation. She stated that I am a great parent (her words), and that she wants things to work, but cannot because the ex said I'm not allowed to see "his daughter".

I do have a daughter in a different state, whom I had to move away from for work, and miss every day. That situation was mutual, and I still see her on skype, and plan on visiting often. Her mom and I are great friends, but were not good together in a relationship.

The gf(?) at this point wants to have things work out with me. We both get along well, I get along great with her daughter and I'm a good parent (her words). However, despite hating her ex, thinking he's a horrible parent, etc, he has told her he doesn't want me to see his daughter.
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The gf(?) stated that she couldn't have a relationship with someone who can't be around her daughter. She thinks that magically in a month or two he'll retract that statement, and all will be good. All the while, she comes over when sick for snuggles, we hang out when her daughter is with her dad and babysat, we talk on the phone (with her daughter present who expresses missing me, and crying about it), we even skype until she falls asleep at night. We talk constantly.


The gf wants all of the perks of being in a relationship, and expresses missing me. Feeling empty without me, and feels depressed because I'm not around. I feel the same. I love, and I'm in love with her. She feels the same, and that's evident. She's given me another chance from my screw up so I can prove my worth as a man.

However, we're both as a loss for how to proceed. What do you suggest?


There is no court involved in this: they never went to court for separation or custody since they weren't married, and the dad wanted nothing to do with either of them when they split.

With that said, she wants to stay on good terms with the dad as she fears he'll hurt himself. (she stuck with him for 3 years because the last almost two years she thought he was going to kill himself. As he's cut himself often, severely, and tried to kill himself) Realistically, he's more of a danger to her than i am imo. Someone that unstable doesn't need to be around their child. That's why I went off when the gf cut herself with her daughter around. Yes, they both have some SERIOUS issues they need to work through. However, I signed up to deal with her past bs, and help with that. Not deal with his shit.
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It's cool that your fucking the mom and all but fuck off that's not your kid.

Stop being a pappy to something that isn't yours.

How about you worry about your own daughter you cunt, try and do more than just skyping her involve yourself in her life and don't just replace her.

I have a son myself and if I had some nigga trying to act like he's my sons replacement father if me and my wife split id have a serious talk to that guy about it. If he couldn't respect that it would escalate from that point.

Take care of your own god damn child OP.
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>>16545195
Here again didn't read it all, but recently read this jewel.

>After she cut herself, and I thought tried to kill herself I threatened her. Her daughter was present during everything (2yo).

You fucks have no right to even have this child in your custody, what the fuck is wrong with that bitch.
That's traumatizing as hell.
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>>16545195
I'm not replacing her dad. I never intend to. However, dating someone with a cold means that issue comes up.

I moved almost 2000 miles away for work, and my ex will be moving up here in 6 months bc we had planned to move here. I'm scoping out places for her, and sending her teaching jobs I've found. I physically see my daughter once a month now and Skype weekly.
>>16545199
She cut herself and told me the pain helps. I asked, "do you want me to slap you or beat you? Would that help!?" Then I told her daughter what she did...
The father is just as bad. His arms and legs are striped and covered in scars from cutting. He cut himself so bad one night that while with their daughter (before she moved out) his shirt was soaked in blood
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>>16545233
Sorry if it seemed I was going on the offensive there but after reading this I realized I mad a lot of assumptions about you.

I will say this though you may want to reconsider your involvement with these folks.

They both sound like selfish manipulative lunatics.

For your well being and your daughters well being, stay away man.

Just read what you wrote, that shit is fucking insane how your gf(?) and her baby daddy act.

Get out now dude.
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>>16545241
All this.

You need to get her some help, ring social services and leave. Depression isn't a good enough excuse for fucking a kid up, pair of selfish arseholes.
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>>16545397
OP how would you like it if your ex said she has a boyfriend who stepping in as a dad in your place since your far away from work. you have your reasons to be away from your daughter, he has his. they may not be good. but those are his reasons. let him be her father. all your doing is showing her how shit her father is by you stepping in. litteraly ruining their relation ship.

so kindly. respect their kid. the dad is still in the picture, because he loves her. not often but its an effort. youre just shitting on that. let the man be a father.
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>>16545143
It's time to break up, OP.

You lashed out in the middle of depression, and she cut in response.

Not healthy for either of you. It hurts, but...you're going to have to break up. You are in no place to handle all this and a bad b/f being protective of his daughter.
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>>16545422
I'm not taking his place. He won't even see their daughter unless my gf tells him to or drops him off. He's 26 doesn't even have a car ( by choice) and lives at home bc he can't keep a job bc he calls out to stay at home to play video games
>>16545485
She cut After I left to get lunch. She was sick and hadn't eaten in 36 hours. I went to get us lunch, but she just wanted cuddles. Her daughter was asking to eat with no food in the house. I left, and that's when she cut. I went off when I got back. She sent photos of it to a friend that told me. So I rushed back
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>>16545422
Addendum. They have been split up for a year. She has dated other guys since then so it's not like I'm just stepping in.
If my ex started to date that would be fine. I'm not taking his place. I tell the gf he needs to see her more, and go do stuff with her instead of making his parents watch her while he's gaming.

I've even invited him to go with them bowling, the park, and museum, but he won't go if I mention it, or he thinks I'm going or suggested it
Thread posts: 12
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