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Drugs and Sociability

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What do sober people small talk about? What do you do on a sober date? How do I meet people who've never done drugs? All my friends at least smoke weed or DRINK, which isn't a problem, I just want to meet new people. (I guess drinking socially is alright, but how do people who are actually sober mingle? What's a common ground to break the ice?

Where do you go to meet people/singles who want to actually get to know eachother and not just get high/drunk as fuck and well fuck..

Literally the only way I know how to pickup chicks is raving and waking up in someones bed. I use medical marijuana all the time for depression, and I really need it otherwise I'm to negative to be around other people. What can I practice/do to start putting myself around people who are interested in things beyond sex and drugs. I want to find someones mind to fall in love with, not their body.
- Work
- How much they hate work
- How much they hate the people at work
- "That one time at work when..."
- TV Shows
- Sports
- Pop Culture
- Movies
You can meet all sorts of people at school, work, outside classes, through mutual friends, online, even places of worship. You can talk about all sorts of things, like things you're experiencing and have in common (the class or job if you met them through that for example), your family, recreation, hobbies, interests, dreams.

Although I admit I'm not really sure about what you're asking.
Work seems to be the way I suppose. I work in a fuckin' grocery store with old people on great union contracts, retards and highschoolers..

I wish I could be fucking pleb enough to ACTUALLY care about sports, tv shows and that kind of shit.. I watch sports hockey but I don't understand how you can connect on that except getting together and drinking and watching hockey.

Isn't it weird to just bring up shit like TV shows/Movies etc. when you're flirting? When I'm not coked up I just can't chose the words to convey what I want to say. I would come off as autistic if I started talking about random shit like that I feel.

How do you casually start a "relationship" with someone you meet, how do you ask a girl to hangout with you and see if you connect? HOW DO U BRING THAT SHIT UP??? fuck I probably seem autistic. I just have leaned on drugs my whole life but I'm getting really tired of my only social interactions being partying or leading up to getting fucked.

How to you casually bring up wanting to get to know someone?
I guess I just literally don't remember what it's like to be sober anymore. I tend to bring every thought to something only a *druggy* or *hippy* or *weirdo* or *intellectual* (in some circles.. pseudo maybe..) like philosphy, or real deep shit. I like talking about meaningful things and have no inhibitions talking about myself and opinions n shit and I feel unless ur drunk or on drugs its *weird* to talk about these things in the average situation without the convo leading up to it. I know my question wasn't properly formulated. I'm just trying to gather advice I can draw on in those moments where you have to make a choice.

There was a cute girl at work today who was telling me she was new to town and stuff and clearly gave me a moment where I couldve said something. But I was stoned, and got anxious. I was to be able to have the courage to meet new people without relying on drugs, and I just don't know how to do that.

So no question, just looking for insight,.
You can definitely talk about all that stuff with people while sober. Even new people. You just have to start out with "smaller" talk, feel the situation, and it usually progresses to deeper topics naturally.
Assuming you're actually experienced and not just pulling shit out of your ass, which would probably even be beneficial cause it's easier to give advice then live it... What are good questions/topics to approach and draw on when you're talking to someone who you know nothing about? What are good subtle questions to move chitchat to something where I'm actually talking to someone who wants to hear what I have to say and vice versa? What's to fast? What's a good first invitation for a *date* or *hangout* without coming off as to fast? How do you convey to people that you don't just want to have sex with them? That sounds so dumb I know, but I actually genuinely want to learn how to stop thinking with my 2nd head and take the time to get to know girls as people not some fantasy I have in my head?

How do you lightly convey that o_o

Also I have had a very exceptional life, not good or bad, just very different. So it's hard to relate on simple things most people would like growing up, trials you face in teen years etc.. I'm 20 by the way.
I hope I have the experience you're looking for, as I've never used drugs (I don't even drink caffeine), never partied, don't plan to, and have lived perfectly fine that way.

I'm not too sure if these things can be explained, because there really is no formula or right answers. It honestly just takes practice. You will have to go through awkward moments and rejections, but that's good. That is exactly how you learn to socialize.

A little trick for talking with someone new is to remember FORD. Family, occupation, recreation, dreams. Ask them about themselves in these areas, and then tell them about you. A good icebreaker is a friendly compliment, usually on something like clothing (although this might be more of a girl to girl thing).
I guess that "FORD" thing is somewhat useful to keep in mind. Yea I get that there are no right answers, it just seems like I have yet to find myself where I want to be. I don't mind awkward moments, I just want to have some tools to draw at when I get into those uncomfortable moments to be able to make a choice I'm happy with - I struggle connecting fully to most people actually, I think to much about what to say and end up saying the socially acceptable thing that closes down any further opertunity. I wish there was a miracle answer :p - but really beyond work I don't know how I can meet sober people. Every person I'm aquinted/friends with uses, and I really used to put out that kind of image and am struggling to come back and rebuild myself a confidence above drugs.

If I could just talk candidly with someone about what I think and what they think with no judgements I'd be so much happier. I feel like I'm wasting my good years to meet people every day I don't do anything.

I wish there was like one thing you could say that was super casual and it invited someone to be in a position to chat without any expectations or time limit. Or to just suspend social norms on WHAT to talk about
You should probably just stop doing drugs. When all you care about is raving and fucking, of course you'd be depressed. Find some interest, try a bunch of stuff you've never done before, find yourself a passion, then find other people who share it.
> capable of understanding philosophy

I find it hard to believe it's any more than "dude, what if, like..."

In any case, when I'm on a date, we usually talk about jobs, friends, hobbies, trips we've made, pets, funny videos, movies, stuff we've bought or wanna buy, family, stories, books.... you name it. I dont drink at all, so all my dates are sober.
I wish it was that easy. The problem is that I use marijuana to mask the depression. Not just depression, depression it managable, it's suicidal thoughts. While I know the drugs are only making it worse, I took a month off last summer from medicating 24/7 and ended up standing ontop of a building and gashing the shit out of my wrists. I don't like that I need to use pot but it's way worse when I'm around people sober. I spew and shit negativity and 5/7 days of the week I can't get out of bed without it because I get uncontrollably suicidal and rationally irrational. Depression is a whole different thing then what I'm asking here but I wish I could be sober. I don't believe in psychoactive drugs that don't get you *high* I was forced them as a kid and it was awful.

You're right though, my problem is the drugs and the drugs are a direct cause from the depression. Those problems take time to work out and I don't want to live my life waiting to get better. I wan't to meet people.

I thought about going to rehab again but it's so expensive if you're not on heroin or something along those lines.

I should probably stop doing them.. yea.

Can a sober person respect someone who is medicated if they find out? I don't tell new people I meet that I use marijuana, as the effects are just "me" now. Because I use it all the time.
Heh I get that first sentiment. That notion makes me regret my choices, as I feel like I would've been way smarter had I never divulged. I don't even necessarily talk productively about philosophy or the likes, I just am drawn towards more real topics then menial conversation. Even things like religion, politics and opinions I like to discuss without judgement - I like to hear perspective. But people just don't seem to talk about that stuff, even the druggies beyond what you said.

When it comes to getting to a date though, what is a common timeline for a new relationship? I've never been on a *date* in the traditional sense of the word. I'd love to take a woman out to dinner and just chat, but how do you get there? The inhibition of what to chat about is certainly overcomeable but I'm literally at a loss and feel autistic when it comes to "how to invite someone on a date and not come off as a creep" *without it involving liqour or drugs
>talk about religion
Just how does one do that? I'm a sober guy and that just doesn't make any sense. What is there to discuss? Where can an opinion be expressed? I don't see how it is a conversation, unless you really know your shit and have another who knows, and you can go all Cicero- On The Nature Of The Gods (a favorite of mine) with them. Otherwise it's just sharing factual information and there is no bonding or exchange of personalities. Same for history, or science or any other intellectual topic. Unless you have an opinion on it, or something to add to the facts, it's a lecture and not a conversation.


It's ok to show your interest in someone. If you don't, they're just gonna think you're really nice and taking them out because you wanna hang. If they arent interested, you drop the 'interest' aspect immediately and go back to just being a nice guy around them.

Don't do what the faggots here do and fall madly in love with a girl you barely talk to. If a girl catches your interest, go for them and take them out before you go all fucking weirdo obsession shit.
I didn't mean like talk about religion as much as opinionated topics, not to feel uncomfortable touching those topics... I guess... I had been forced into a lot of therapy and taken a lot of drugs that break inhibition which makes me able to talk really candidly about things. I'm interested in *religion* and *belief*, and I like hearing what other people think, not debating it, just chatting. Hearing perspective.. Maybe I'm weird, I feel like I tend to bring conversations to deep places really quick when I'm actually interested in someone with someone other then just menial stuff. I like to think about why as oposed to just living in the moment. That's what the coke does, it makes me able to say whatever it takes to pickup a chick, not get to know her.

Yea I figured out the last part the hard way. I fell in love with a girl when I was 14 after losing my virginity and put her on a pedestal. She broke up with me and it devastated me for years - I finally came to my senses when she died in a car accident. I haven't actually been able to *fall* irrationally in love with someone since then, hence the reason I want to get to know people for who they are not what they are.

I appriciate the advice of "it being okay to show interest." I'll try to draw on this.. I know asking for help on an online board is pathetic. I struggle feeling comfortable knowing when it's okay to show interest. I don't mind taking risks, but I hate coming off as autistic or basically your typical /b/tard type shit. I'm sometime self conscious and not confident at all, sometimes I have trouble looking people in the eyes. And the fact I smoke weed makes it hard for me to feel confident about how sober people think. I don't care if people think I'm weird but I want to at least feel more confident in taking chances. Even if what you're saying is BS lol..

Thanks for the help by the way. I probably overthink things...
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Any other honest advice/thoughts would be appreciated
Thread posts: 16
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