Have you ever reached a point where you started thinking of suicide

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>on /adv/
>"has anyone ever thought if suicide"
>MFW

>>16517240
Of course they have.
I'm more interested in success stories on how they defeated those thoughts.

I just pushed through it. College exam. All nighter. I couldn't understand the material and my mind did a snowball type train of thought.
> Don't pass exam, grades go down, drop out, we're dirt poor so nothing to lean back on, not even a citizen of the country so government won't help, family screwed.
Suicide seemed like an easy way out.
Tried to shake the thoughts with more studying. Passed the exam but have failed others without suicidal thoughts. I just gotta be aware of when my mind is doing that snowball thing. Takes a lot of mental power honestly. Suicidal thoughts are easy. Just my two cents. Idk if it helps. Substitute my stupid college exam for your problem(s). Hope it helps.

>>16517072

>What was the situation?
Constantly getting yelled at by my mother, even when I excelled (but mostly failed).
>What was the thought that finally convinced you NOT to?
To not commit suicide? The thought of my crying brother the first time, the thought of my heartbroken grandmother the second time, the thought of being a burden to all the support personel (EMT, coroner, doctor that ahs to notify) the third time, the knowledge that my friend would miss me the fourth time (years after I got better).
>How did you counter it and get your shit back on track?
It wasn't any one thing. It was a combination of things. Seeing people interact without being judged or belittled, moving out and only accepting stress that I could control, even when it was more stress than before (get a job in the recession and have my own place vs stay at home where mother could invade my room at any time), having people to talk to when things get rough, having people to be intimate with (hugging, confidence, not sex), would be the primary ones.

>>16517072
It was a series of situations throughout ten years almost.

What pulled me through is if I would've been gone, no one would've taken care of my granny (properly).

After she passed away I was very close to finally quitting, but in a sudden move I just packed up all my stuff and moved to another country. Since then I haven't had the urge yet to think of suicide.

>>16517072
>Have you ever reached a point where you started thinking of suicide as a viable solution?
I'm there right now or getting there I think.

>What was the situation?
Depression mainly.

Can't answer the other two because if I would get my shit back on track (if it ever was) I wouldn't be here.

>>16517072
>What was the situation?
Depression. School was hard, so that didn't help, but it really was all from inside. Things could be going great and I still felt complete despair.

>What was the thought that finally convinced you NOT to?
Thinking about how it would deeply and permanently hurt my loved ones, especially my younger brother, was the biggest reason holding me back.

>How did you counter it and get your shit back on track?
Therapy. Please see a professional. I saw one weekly, stuck with it for over a year, and it saved my life.

>>16517072
>What is the situation?
I feel like a void in my life, I'm almost constently bored and I find all the thing I do meaningless as I will necessarily die at some point.

>What was the thought that finally convinced you NOT to?
I find it stupid to kill yourself just because of boredom.

>How did you counter it and get your shit back on track?
I just accepted it and learned to live with it.

Yes, I have.

>situation
It started after my SO passed away. I was extremely lost, depressed, and forced to move back into a unhealthy environment. I OD'd about 1 month after his death, but was rushed to the hospital.

Since that attempt I've had several more thoughts of suicide, and the only reason I didn't was because I had nothing to do the deed without the chance of being found. So I would just force myself to sleep and hope for a better tomorrow.

I don't think about killing myself often now, but sometimes it creeps up on me. When it does I focus on anything else I can. Sit and draw for hours, plan upcoming trips, and figure out school things such as costs and which classes to take the upcoming terms.

>>16517072
>What was the situation?
Being a 20 year old high school drop out with one decent friend, autistic social skills and an inferiority complex that prevents me from accomplishing anything outside of virtual realities.

>What was the thought that finally convinced you NOT to?
It isn't logical, and it would be a burden for a lot of people.

>How did you counter it and get your shit back on track?
I haven't and I only wish I could just forget who I am and not have to associate my present self with my pathetic past.

Not the response you were looking for. I just needed to vent, sorry.

OP here.
Thanks for sharing your stories.

I've been diagnosed as clinically depressed since I was pretty young. Pre-to-early teens. Wishing I was dead hit me early on and has been a recurring thought, taking more form and substance as I got older.

For the longest time I would just push it as far back in my head as possible and occupy myself with other things til the thoughts and feelings weakened. But now I'm getting old. Not OLD old, but old enough that I'm dealing with shame and guilt of not having my life "in order by now."

I'm feeling like a burden on those around me for not being self-sufficient, and feeling like it's too late to chase down any of my goals or ambitions. The best I can do now is work my ass off to scrape by as "good enough." The thoughts of "maybe I'd be better off dead" are more consistent and pervasive these days, and my old methods of coping just aren't enough to counter the weight of the real world.

I'm fairly stable as is, and I'm medicated (Paxil and Adderall) but I'm not going to any therapy currently and my outlook feels bleaker than normal.
Was looking for others' stories to hopefully gain a little perspective.

>>16518687

>dealing with shame and guilt of not having my life "in order by now."
Don't. Everyone is winging it these days. Some have it better, through their own effort or the effort of their parents. But every single one is winging it.
>feeling like it's too late to chase down any of my goals or ambitions.
Never too late for that. Want to know why you have senior citizens in college sometimes? Because they're chasing their goals.

Don't kick yourself because you don't have a hollywood life. It's a work of fiction. Instead focus on the here and now. Focus on each problem, individually, and fix'em. Get a way to earn money, get your social circle in order, find a hobby that you love and embrace it, find those that will support you through thick and thin...

>>16517246
i have a feeling you're not going to hear that many failures

>>16517072
I want to die because I can't get through college and I have too much anxiety and depression to get a job. All of my friends who claim to understand what I'm feeling end up getting/having jobs.

I have tunnel vision of suicide, there is no other solution for me. I'm not doing it because I'm thinking maybe something will happen or work out. I'm thinking maybe I will get over myself and my rut.

>>16517072
Somewhere in my teens. Your usual 4chan story: lack of social skills, in turn lack of friends and in turn lack of ambition when you realise how many doors a charismatic personality opens.

Debts and responsibilities keep me tied to this Earth.

The only reason i haven't killed myself is because it's easier to just keep on living.

That could change.

>>16518763
Yeah, man.
That's the idea.