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How can I discern between fatherly affection from someone (who

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How can I discern between fatherly affection from someone (who is not my father) and romantic/creepy interest? Or, harmless workplace flirting from something more sinister and serious?
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Nice cabbages.

We're gonna need more detail.
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By separating things into 'perverted' and 'tame' lables.
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>>16494324
Thank you! He is my boss, and a prof I do research with. He has given me extremely kind compliments on my personality (calling me fascinating and intelligent), and always compliments my outfits. He's had me give him a back rub, gently chastised me for smoking, and tousled my hair. We text regularly (almost every day) about not-work, he normally is the first to text. He wants me yo come over to his house so we can do a pottery project together. He is older than my dad by a few years.
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>>16494910
Yeah that seems like something more. I don't have any of my professors cell phone numbers, nor would I feel comfortable texting any of them or letting them give me back rubs.
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>>16494910
>back rub
lol you gon' get raped

If you want to know if a guy is being flirty or friendly, think about if they'd act the same way with their bros. There are no back rubs in the gym, nigga.
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>>16494910
I am
>>16494324
He wants sum fuck
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>>16494106
>>16494910
>OP is capable of misconstruing all this as "fatherly affection"

lel
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>>16494935
>>16494977
>>16494952
>>16494996
But see, the catch is he seems totally comfortable doing all this. Like, I don't want anything sexual with him and I'm sure he realizes its immoral-- wouldn't he be a bit cagey if he knew he was pursuing something bad?
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>>16495116
Or, he's done it with a lot of girls and is used to it by now.
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>>16495116
No. So far you've not reacted in a manner uncomfortable with what he's doing so he has no reason to act cagey. Immoral is not a word that comes to mind when pursuing some sweet young pussy that, so far, seems obtainable.

You're enabling this - next time things are getting too close for comfort, put some space between you, refuse to do something overtly personal and don't reply to texts until a long time has passed (hours, or a whole day).
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>>16495279
Okay... I really do enjoy talking with him, our senses of humor match up perfectly. He does not realize that I am into girls, though-- and I'm very close to making it official with this one girl I'm talking to. If I mention my (fingers crossed!) girlfriend, would he get the hint?
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Also curious, if he makes an obvious move (like, to kiss me), and I say no, what happens next?
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>>16494106

>flirting
>sinister

uhhhh
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>>16495498
Meaning, you can bother and have fun with a person, or you can talk to them with the intent of getting into their pants. Which is very bad in this case.
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>>16495496
Nothing good. Either he will fire you, or rape you (unlikely, but it happens) or he will demote you and your work relationship will get much worse.
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>>16495390
I think that would be the easiest thing to do. If he heard 'boyfriend' then he might be a bit pissed off another dude is getting what he's after. But a girlfriend means he isn't being keked. Plus he'll have fantasies of you two getting it on (seriously he will - don't be grossed out, he'll have already shot wads thinking of you anyway).

Hopefully he'll back off, Especially if he meets the gf so he can see you're 100% into her.

>>16495496
Just dodge in a nice way, and explain you don't feel comfortable. Don't over react, that just makes things difficult. If he persists or tries to force you then jump up, slap him hard across the face and tell him to stop or you'll report him.
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>>16495390
yep I would casually hint about my girlfriend if I were you.
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>>16495565
Ack, no! I'm so unused to guys paying attention to me. That's so gross. Wow. I guess if he's not interested in my romantically, then he won't care about the gf anyway He's always talking about how many "layers" I have, like how surprising some aspects of my personally are-- I guess this will be another one of those.
>>16495599
Thank you!
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>>16495565
>slap him hard across the face and say you'll report him
No. NEVER antagonize a potential rapist. Unless OP is stronger than her boss, that's just asking to get overpowered and hurt to keep silent. If he tries to force himself on you, remind him of the age difference. Does he have a daughter? You can mention her, to make him realize he's trying to sleep with someone who is just like his child.
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Stay safe op, don't text him back if it's not about work. And try not to schedule shifts when you're alone with him for long stretches of time.
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why do you think he wants to fuck you?

You're a bit of a bitch to just assume he wants to fuck you and jerks off to you.
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>>16495724
I sense a feminist
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>>16495724
>>16496328
That response sounds quite rational, it would be very mean and shocking to slap someone, not to mention insulting. How is that a feminist answer? He is a very nice person and I do not think he's capable of rape, but in general that sounds like sound advice.

>>16496261
I can't do anything about shifts, and we are one-on-one for at least 3 hours at a time every time we work together-- so I'll mention the girlfriend, and be slower to reply to texts.

>>16496309
That wasn't me. I asked whether his actions suggested romantic intent, instead of just being friendly, and other anons helped come to the conclusion that this is bordering on something inappropriate.
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>>16495116
He's comfortable because of two reasons. Firstly, he doesn't have a lot to lose. He holds a position of authority over you and is the stronger one in the dynamic. Being older he is also likely more confident and more at ease in his own skin than you are, and has more insight in your motives and life circumstances than you do in his. Not to mention if you make a fuss, he can just let you go if the case cannot be shushed. If he's experienced at this chances are he is quite well aware what actions he could still possibly explain as not meant sexually, and what actions go too far.

Secondly, he sounds like he's good at this. You are young and starting your career, of course you want to hear nothing more from your boss than that you are intelligent to the point where he actually has respect/fascination for you. He draws attention to your looks in the most discreet possible way - technically he's saying something about how you present yourself, after all, not your body or natural looks. And he throws in enough friendly, more fatherly interaction (that he probably also enjoys with a sexual undertone) for you to develop sympathy for him and feel guilty for reading more into his shadier things.

You need to develop more intuition for these things or you are utterly screwed. Take this as a learning moment, learning what signals to look out for and learning how to assert yourself in a way that does not antagonize OR encourage him.
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>>16496528
Also to add to this, some context for how you could've/should've known something was off. This man is a professional. Even if he wanted to invite you over to his house for one on one time, text you daily, and have you massage him in a completely platonic way, someone with some intelligence and life experience would realize that this is highly unprofessional and sends off the wrong signal. It is exactly the combination of him doing these odd things and not in any way acknowledging that they could be taken the wrong way that makes it more shady.

That, and in these cases it's better to assume the worst and be on your guard than to be utterly screwed for assuming it's nothing.
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>>16496528
>>16496539
Thanks so much for your insights. I was so hoping that he just really wanted me for a daughter, but this does sound a bit more likely. He has lately been mentioning ways in which he's spending friendly time with other past members of the lab (like, getting lunch with one of his old assistants). I wonder if this is done to show that everyone in the lab gets the same friendly treatment, and if I should take it at face value. He is leaving soon, like in 2 weeks, to work overseas, so I wonder if I should just stay put before then and try to keep to myself a bit more. I admit I've been enjoying our conversations and trying to make him laugh, but now I look over the texts and cringe a bit. I'll try and bite my tongue a bit more, not share the best joke that comes to mind. It's hard because he and I know so much about each other's personal life at this point, so it will be very noticeable if I suddenly just clam up. I'm worried about that.
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>>16496599
It sounds like your feelings about texting him are very similar to how people feel while flirting over text. Watch out, don't lead him on.
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>>16494910
>back massage
Please say it was over the shirt, not shirtless.
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