Bang Quest

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>>1571281

What's that? It's been so long you've forgotten just what the hell you can do? Or what the hell this shit even is?
WELL SO HAVE I, so here's a little refresher!

http://bangquest.tumblr.com/

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YOU WAKE UP from a drunken slumber!
The world is swirling around you, the INCREDIBLY BRIGHT LIGHT from the sun seems to pry it's way through your CRUSTY EYELIDS. A foul smell stings your "nose".
Wait. Yes. You're pretty sure that's your smell.

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>>1571299
With trembling limbs, you sit upright, your head POUNDING. Your muscles for some reason fucking KILL, as if you were thrown around like a ragdoll.
You stink
You have no idea where you are or what happened
Your entire body aches

BUT AT LE-

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>>1571304
Oh.
Well.
I guess we'll think before we drink next time, buddy.

I guess it's worth noting that YOU CAN'T HANDLE YOUR BOOZE VERY WELL, so be careful in the future!

>>1571307

Clean yourself up, take your bearings. The fuck is your staff at anyways?

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>>1571307
You spin around in dramatic fashion, nothing but trees.

Why isn't the previous night coming to you? Are you lost? Have you been captured? What could have possibly transpired?!

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>>1571324
>>1571325
Suddenly, the scenery strikes a memory.
YOU TRIED TO GET IT ON WITH-
WAIT-
YOU GOT IT ON WITH BRADI LAST NIGHT!

In a drunken bout of confidence, the madman actually did it! You barely remember what happened, but now you know why your jaw hurts so much.

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In a trembling stumble, you wander through the bramble. Perhaps a lovely breakfast is waiting for you back at camp! Complete with sunny-side up eggs, delicious toast, and beautiful women to share company with!

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>>1571338
!!!!!

The camp! It's empty! And no breakfast! How disappointing.

OH, ALSO THE GIRLS AREN'T HERE!

Perhaps they're out hunting for that aforementioned delicious meal. You're really hungry.

You're alone, naked, and starving.
It's been a long time since I asked this, but...

>WHAT DO YOU DO?

check the tent

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>>1571341
Yes! Of course! The tent!
Perhaps Maresi is in here still catching some sleep!
Or maybe they're BOTH in here his you catch my drift, heheheh, HUH?

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>>1571371
Heheh- wait

Who is...
and what are...

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>>1571372
oh...

well... there is a gnome.... umm...

>what do you do????

>>1571373
Threaten the gnome for jizzing on your tent. Demand to know what the heck happened.

>>1571373
pull out your benis and cum on his cum

Jack his ass up and demand him to tell you were the babes are

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>>1571400
>>1571381
You immediately grab the little JERK and start choking the ever loving shit out of him, making demands like "Who?!" and "Where?!" and "What?!" and "How come?!".

>"ACHHH! The HQ! HHHCHHH! Princess! BLLEHHH! The Boss!"

Through the anguished hacking and gasping, you're able to make out a few squeaked words.

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>>1571450
He frantically points off into the woods, his little legs kicking about, his littler pecker flopping sadly.

It seems the girls have been taken by... gnomes?? Could these be the very gnomes that stole the mushroom princess?!
(PROBABLY)

Worse of all, your staff seems to be nowhere in sight!

>WHAT DO YOU DO?!

>>1571455
Look for your clothes.

...If your robes are nowhere to be found, then, well, take the gnome along with you and have him guide the way.

> Bang Quest is finally back

Today is a good day

>>1571281
I'm fucking ready. You're the only reason I have the tumblr app

>>1571455
Find some damn pants or something, Quill.

At least use the lil' guys cap to cover yourself at the very least. You can't be on business with your wand waving in the wind.

Keep the gnome with you and go towards the direction he pointed

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>>1571486
You take a gander at the ol' port-o-coatrack. Alas, your signature duds aren't there.
>But they are available on the official Bang Quest™ e-shop! Child and Adult sizes available!

It looks like you'll have to go commando.
Well... you ARE crafty....

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>>1572041
With your new battle armor
>Gnome Loincloth +2 defense +5 to standing motionless in garden
you march toward the so-called "HQ".
YOU'RE A MAN ON A MISSION.
YOU'LL BE DAMNED IF ANYONE TAKES YOUR CLOAK. YOUR STAFF. YOUR FRIENDS!

>>1572041
Use the gnome's hat to cover our bits while we get our clothes back.

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>>1572044
You come to a ridge before a clearing, lookin' like a perverted fantasy Rambo.
The gnome still flails about, the belt securely holding him in place.

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>>1572046
Before you sits the "HQ", a massive gnome house amid a giant field of flowers.
This looks like it's gonna require some sweet skills, buddy. Looks like it's heavily fortified and patrolled.

>What will the greatest wizard in the kingdom do?

Freeze time to scope out the place

>>1572062
>>1572051

>>1572062
We always freeze time to solve problems though

Well we aren't really solving the problem we are just looking at what we can do to solve it

>>1572051
Cast pleasure on the guard as you approach, hopefully getting him to nut hard enough he falls right off his post.

Holy shit I'm psyched to see this back

>>1572051
Use necromancy on a nearby animal corpse, surely there's one kicking about with all the ferocious beasties mentioned earlier. Have the monster siege their HQ for us.

>>1572051
Lay flat on the ground and sneak through the flower field, trying to find an Entrance.

>>1572051
Throw the belt gnome in! Announce yur presene like a super start

Bump for freeze time, the best power.

>>1572051
Burn the field!

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>>1572120
>>1572096
>>1572065
>>1572062
>>1572189
OF COURSE!
YOU'RE CHRIS QUILL, THE MOST TALENTED, AND MOST "NOT-DISAPPOINTING" PENIS ACCORDING TO THIS WEEK'S WIZARD BABES WEEKLY.
You have the world and it's most arcane secrets to unlock. This fortress is a mere playing ground for you!

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>>1572202
WITH A MIGHTY SWING OF Y-
Oh
oh yeah you're missing that.
AND your hat too. Look, you were getting by fine without your hat, but without even your STAFF? You're a magical fart, muchacho. Looks like you'll have to rely on your mind and... body...

>WHAT DO YOU DO?

>>1572204
Pick up a rock or even better a stick to be your temporary staff.

>>1572204
Ask the gnome if there's a way into the fortress
If he doesn't comply, threaten to throw him naked into the spikes

>>1572204
Pretend to be a important guard and say you have something for the ruler.

Missed you froocks
Let's do this shit

>>1572204
Metal gear solid this shit, try our hand at stealth

Casually walk in, with the gnome acting casual.

You're nothing more than the new 'fashion trend.'

Tell the gnome to tell the others to ignore his cock.

>>1572204
9 posters in between updates and no one realized he was missing his fucking staff.
>>1572237
While we're sneaking around, send in the gnome to distract the guards up front. Tell him you'll do disgusting acts to him if he doesn't comply.

>>1572204
The gnome is our staff now.

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gnome gun.

>>1572268
Get some vines and "tie" your wrists and get the gnome to bring you in as prisoner. Break out of the vines when you get inside or find your staff

>>1572288
Shit, seconded.

Call colonel Campbell for advice, then commence operation intrude N131

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>>1572288
>>1572301
>>1572229

With a heave, he frees up enough air to speak
>"HAHAHA! There's no way I'm helping you, stiltlegs! That mushroom princess is all ours now! Never helping! Ever! Uh HUH!"

Something tells me he doesn't want to help you. Thats a shame, cuz now he gets choked again.

>>1572394
Beat him up and steal all his clothes.

>>1572394
Into the spikes he goes

>>1572394
gnomes are magical right? just tie him to a stick and call a staff!

Otherwise maybe he's into choking ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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>>1572237
With incredible speed and vigor, you make your way toward the entrance. Unfortunately, as you approach, you discover there doesn't seem to be an entrance! The entire tower is surrounded by a barbed wire fence.
Armed with only a loin cloth and a garden gnome.
Too bad they're both the same thing.

>WHAT DO YOU DO?

>>1572394
Throw him at the fortress and let the security system take care of him

>>1572407
If the gnome won't talk, just mimic his voice and ask to be let in. and maybe wiggle him around the window(? a peep hole? ) a little for realism

>>1572407
Wait... it's a gnome fortress... cant you just like give it a good shove?

Also yay bang quest!

>>1572407
Go around the back and punch the guard in the back of the head who's facing forward?

>>1572407
Take out the sentry by throwing your gnome loincloth at him

hey.. what happened to our fabulous floppy hat???

>>1572472
Gone the way of the cloak im guessing.

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>>1572486
>>1572472
Nope! Bonus point to whoever gets it right.

>>1572491
The orc girl took it

>>1572407

remove your loincloth, and throw it over the barbs of the fence, to shield yourself from the barbs as you hop over

>>1572491

in the throes of sex it got stuck in the orc-girl's smelly orc vagina

We put it on someone at the bar a while ago to distract that bouncer

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>>1572472
We oughta summon us a living hat buddy once we get that staff back

>>1572491
Wait is that Maresi her teeth are looking significantly less sharp

also I think Bradi took our hat

>>1572499
Didn't we grab it back after that though?

Oh shit wait yeah I think we left the hat on skeleton waifu from QQ

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>>1572525
Fuck it's been a while

>>1572533
It's cool man

>>1572491
We left it back in the tavern, on some random patron's head, to distract the bouncer. RIP in pieces hat.

>>1572407
I vote we retreat to the forest, find a large stick, and fasten the Gnome to it with our belt, to fucntion as a makeshift staff. As a master of all magics, Gnome magic is a trivial matter for us to wield.

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>>1572400
You turn your righteous fist of fury onto the little twerp. With a little bit o' elbow grease, and suckin' in that ol' gut, you squeeze into the gnome's clothes.

A spitting image!
(NOT REALLY)

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>>1572458
>>1572464
You sneak around back, and... behold! What looked to be an entryway. Alas, a guarded entryway, but an entryway nonetheless.
I think I've said entryway too much, I can't remember what it means...

ANYWAYS. You spy your target. You can strike at any time with the efficiency of a cold-blooded killer.

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>>1572582
....or you can do that.

The gnome-on-gnome collision sends them both to the ground, one unconscious and the other SUPER conscious (that might be a coma, technically). You wait a moment, and no alarms seem to go off.

>WHATS THE PLAN, MASTER OF DISGUISE?

>>1572579
Walk on our knees so we look short and try to talk to the guard

>>1572585
Take the spear!

>>1572585
Search the knocked out gnome for anything we can use to infiltrate

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>>1572499
(Correct! Here's a bonus point. Redeemable on the Bang Quest™ eshop)

>>1572585
Put on the guard's clothes so we can look like a guard.

>>1572499
>>1572605
Oh yeah, shit.

Might as well keep the Gnome Cap for good, then. At least until we find a more suitable replacement.

>>1572585
I really don't think we're gonna fool anyone with a disguise. I say we just go in with the spear and see what happens.

Beddy-bye time for me my dudes

Continue tomorrow, please keep thread alive if you all can and keep those ideas a-flowin'

>>1572697
Good night man, Welcome back!

Bump

>>1572669
If we stopped doing a dumb thing just because it's dumb, how could we get anything done?

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>>1572739
What

>>1572669
This. Rely on them thinking nobody as tall as us would be dumb enough to impersonate a gnome, we must just be a really tall one.

>>1572585
knock on the front door and see if you can lure another one out. Then clobber him to.

>>1572956
We are a super scrawny mage I don't think that will go well

>>1573110
We can use the unconscious gnomes on them, that seems to work.

>>1572585
Stand up and have a good look in the fence, the wall are really short compared to us right?

God bless you op! I new youd be back!

Just step over the wall. Punt any gnomes that get near. This day gnomanity recieves a grim reminder.

Just push over the entire tower. It only looks about the size of a small tree.

>>1572585
Eat the gnomes
We're still starving, right?

>>1573110
We have a pointy stick now though.

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>>1572956
>>1572606
>>1572623

>"And so I says, I says to him; Look, I'll jerk off wherever I damn well please, and he-"

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>>1574201
>"Heh, hold on, this'll kill ya. Yeah, whatya wa-"

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>>1574202
>"Uh-"

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>>1574204
You clear your throat, currently in the most impressive gnome-guard disguise I'VE ever seen, so you know it must be good.
They stand there looking at you, motionless.

>WHAT DO YOU DO?!

>>1574204
Hey, this is the best porn quest out there. Don't be so harsh man.

>>1574206
Try to bluff to him that you are a gnome, and the wizard cast body swap on you, leaving you the wizard and Chris a Gnome, Ginyu style

>>1574206
"I AM THE GNOME KING, AS YOU CAN SEE BY MY DUEL HATS. GIVE ME YOUR POON!"

cool thread! How long has this been going on for

>>1574253
Quite a bit, but there is a tumblr with the full backlog if you wanna catch up, about 9 threads worth

http://bangquest.tumblr.com/

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>>1571281
Thanks for coming back.

>>1574206
>Greetings. I'm the zoning inspector for the new mushroom princess jail cell extension. I've come to survey the section where you gentlemen are keeping the princess.

>>1574206
Seconding >>1574273

>>1574273
>>1574341
I concur

>>1574273
If they ask about the height, go with >>1574214. Say you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but you've still gotta do your job.

>>1574214
>>1574379
I'm gonna have to argue against this. We need to deliver with the straightest face possible that we're a completely ordinary gnome if they're gonna buy it.

>>1574433
There's no hiding the fact that we're a tall boy. These gnomes have smart domes.

>>1574451
We might just be two gnomes on top of each other, it explains why we decided to wear two hats.

>>1574491
How would you explain the dick in the door slot if that was our story?

>>1574502
One hung ass, nordic gnome

>>1574491
>>1574505
This anon is attempting to have our dashing hero shoot himself in the foot! Clearly he is a GNOME IN DISGUISE, posting from a gnome IP.

>>1574201
>>1574202
>>1574204
>>1574206
>filename
Bang Quest Anon, hows work?

also bump.

Bls update OP ;_;

bump once more for luck.

>>1574206
Tell them to open the door and let you in. This is a surprise inspection.

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bumpbumpbump

>>1574206
Say "Don't you gnome who I am? I'm the inspector!"

Sorry lads, no update tonight. Tried to stay up late enough, but got off work too late. See ya tomorrow

Bamp

ANON, I LOVE YOU

IT RETURNS??! Fantastic day!

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>>1574273
You lay on your best gnomish accent
(which in my opinion sounds more like East Dwarf, but hey, I'm no expert)
and claim to be a position that I'm not entirely sure actually exists.

But hey, at least you LOOK professional

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>>1576272
>"AUGH! UH. WELL..."

One turns to the other and whispers

>"I-is he serious?"
>"By the six, you fool, he's got two hats! Of course he's serious!"

They frantically whisper back and forth, shooting you sweaty, nervous glances.

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>>1576279
With a surprise, the door clicks open!

Well whaddya know! You're a decent actor. Good to know if this whole "wizard" thing doesn't work out, you always have this as a fallback.

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>>1576287
>"P-please come in sir! The cells are right inside, you c-can't miss them!"

The little gnome guard graciously, and nervously, lets you into the HQ!
Success!
I knew you could do it kid!
Don't worry about that 20 bucks I just lost, that's totally unrelated! Nothing but confidence and trust over here!

>>1576287
Crawl in?

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>>1576292
You make it inside no problem!
Solid work, friend!
Excessive exclamation marks are KEY to providing recommended compliment levels!

Ok, thats enough lines and dots, guy. You made it in, with two terrified looking gnomes next to you, the entrance to the HQ ahead, and some very chaffed thighs below.

>WHATS THE PLAN??

>>1576301
Head on over to HQ, looking extra official.

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>>1576167
>>1576076
>>1574264

glad to be back, guys

>>1576301
Go search for your wand, then use it to save your friends.

>>1576301
Complain about the hole in the wall you just made. That is NOT up to code.

>>1576321
this

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>>1576321
lmfao

>>1576437
Tell those two shit guards to start cleaning up that mess and if you're feeling generous you MIGHT not put it in the report.

Then hustle off while they're busy.

>>1576437
Demand to see their food preparation area and prisoner holding cells.

>>1576437
OP you are the best

>>1576301
>>1576437
ask for the tour, get the lay of the land

>>1576437
Obviously these guys aren't up to snuff. If they are underperforming by this much then what the fuck is their manager doing. Tell them you want to talk to their boss, we're getting to the bottom of this.

>>1576301
Tell them to escort you to the prisoners holding cells. No fucking around otherwise you might be cornered in such a cramped space.

As short as those guys are, they've got weapons, and no amount of acting skills will save you from bleeding(or will it???)

>>1576547
Not if you take their weapons
for inspection

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>>1576638
This

>>1576638
Oh and tear down the no jerking sign
it's a crime against gnome rights and culture or whatever

>>1576684
Perfect, maybe throw in mention of a company (fortress) team building exercise to really bring their guard down

bamp

Updates tomorrow

>>1576437
Go check on them cells.

burump

Hey OP, don't forget Cremini exists when we meet back up with Maresi and Bradi.

>>1578894
Heheheh
Just you wait

Daily bump because I missed this.

>>1578894
Who's Cremini again?

>>1579368
Lil' Shroomboy that was given to us as a guide or some shit.

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Late day, my b
concept art bump

>>1580025
nice!

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>>1576461
>>1576638
>>1576684
You inform them that all this bushleague guard post does NOT satisfy your standards. As a part of the inspection, you confiscate their spears and tear down the "No Jerking" sign on moral grounds.

The little gnomes immediately freeze as you get close to them, almost PERFECTLY still!

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>>1580461
You give the frightened little shits one last look as you check your new inventory!

Congrats, you've added 2 Gnome Spears and a Poster.

I've been playing a lot of Breath of the Wild lately, so I'm sure those spears will last you all of one swing before they disintegrate.

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>>1580465
You hustle on over to the tree.

It seems like the door has a high-tech door and security system complete with high-def camer- UH I MEAN... magician... boxes... or whatever.

Looks nigh impenetrable

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>>1580469

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>>1580471
SUCCESS!
You're in!
It seems to be an empty room.
Huh.

Oh well, looks like a dead end. It was nice having the girls while you did! On to bigger and better things, unless you have a better idea.

>WHAT DO YOU DO?

>>1580475
Push down the lever.

>>1580475
Pull the lever, Kronk.

>>1580475
That red stick angers Quill, QUILL SMASH

>>1580480
Can we at least roll perception before entering Yzma's wild ride

>>1580475
Push the lever in every direction other than the one it wants you to push it.
Does it really think it's going to fool us this easily?

>>1580475
stand on the lever and punch your way through to the top.

Look up

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So I know you did quest quest, but have you done any others?

>>1581658
Look down, look down, don't look 'em in the eye!

>>1582977
Shout out to you guys who do this
Big reason I didn't do BQ for a while is because of a lack of totally free days. I really appreciate you lads who make sure I'm able to keep my threads going when I can't attend to them.

>>1584135
You are the man, we can wait a bit

>>1580475
Use the lever. This is seems like a lot of fun.

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>>1580479
>>1580480
>>1584401
EVERYTHING IN YOUR BODY TELLS YOU TO USE THE LEVER.

BUT WAIT!

You didn't attend that 45 minute seminar on adventuring traps during your junior year of wizard college for nothing!

You follow the rule of S.T.D.!

>STOP!
Stop what you're doing! There might be a trap!

>THINK!
Think what might happen! Look at what might be a trap and imagine the deadly scenario.

and finally...

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>>1580615
>DO!
Do something! But whatever you do, don't activate the trap!

And you follow it to a D!

I'm sure whoever designed this trap NEVER suspected someone to break off the entire god damn lever.

You did great, kid! Now, don't mind me, I'm just going to head down a few floors real quick.
By the way, do you have $20 I can borrow?

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>>1584569

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>>1584570

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>>1584573
*whew*
*whew*
Hoh, boy, those stairs are a knockout. Did I miss it? Did he crash yet?

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>>1584579
Well would you look at that! You survived!
I'm gonna have to put a raincheck on giving that $20's back, by the way.

After plummeting who knows how far, the room crashes to a halt as it impacts with the nice, hard ground.Your vision spins and multiple bones feel dislodged, but you know what, I think you'll be ok.

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>>1584589
Before you is some sort of brightly lit dungeon, the white lights seem to drain the color out of the room.

A gnome sits before you, tapping away at something.

>QUICK! WHAT DO YOU DO?

>>1584593
I'm an inspector. Call your boss and demand he get out here so I can yell at him for having a faulty elevator. I assure you this WILL be in the report.

>>1584593
Enter the office, say you're doing a thorough check up on the entire gnome headquarters..

>>1584593
Attempt to lure the gnome out of the dungeon and knock him out.

>>1584722
Use your BOYISH, RUGGED CHARM to lure the female gnome out.

>>1584593
Don't worry, I'm a professional.

>>1584593
>>1584774
BONE THE GNOME

>>1584593
Ask what their boss is doing.

Hell yes! Its back!

>>1584813
BONE THE GNOME

>>1584593
Wait, is there seriously a sign right next to the gnome telling us that this gnome in particular is the secretary, or there's an actual secretary somewhere off to the right?

Either way, continue the charade and grumble about the elevator not working properly, I mean what the hell, OSHA's gonna have a shitfit.

>>1571281
i missed you so much, all i can ask for is more thicc + tight clothes

Thanks for coming back OP.

>>1584813
>>1584915
BONE THE GNOME

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>>1584774
>>1584700
You lay your thoroughly roguish charm onto the gnome, who immediately gasps

"A-A TWO HAT!"

It seems people know you mean business around here.

>WHAT DO YOU DO?

>>1585742
Snap neck, take hat

Three hats will probably make us gnome god

>>1585742
>>1585810
probably do gnome god

Seduce her, sex her, and after take her hat

>>1585810
second

>>1585810
>>1585830
>>1585931
We meet the first female Gnome and you guys don't want to fuck her?

I really think we should[spoiler]kill her and become gnome god.[/spoiler]

kill her, fuck her, then take her hat?

>>1585742
Ask for directions to the holding cells?

>>1585742
Just ask her for her fucking hat, we don't need to kill any innocent bystanders, damn

>>1585742
Become Gnomish Christ

>>1585742
I'm in agreement with not killing, we can get her hat through other means

Handcuff and take her to downstairs to the interrogation dungeon for questioning.

>>1585742
Fuck her so good she passes out, then take her hat

Become the Fuck-King of Gnomes

>>1585742
Taking 3 hats will make it obvious that we're an impostor, do not take her hat
Instead, fuck the gnome

>>1585742
WE HAVEN'T SMASHED IN ABOUT A MINUTE, WE FUCKING THIS GNOME RIGHT IN IT'S THICC-ASS LIPS!

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>>1585810
>>1585830
>>1585973
>>1586099
>>1585833
You want that hat. Oh, you want it so bad. But your mind is torn. How will you get that hat?

You weigh your options. It looks like the acquisition is definitely through fiendish means no matter what. On one hand, you could beat the thing near to death.

On the other hand....

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>>1588658
it looks like it's DTF.


So, my lad,
>what is the OFFICIAL plan?

>>1588662
(oh jesus christ, uh...)

We need to take her to a safe place to knock her out. Ask the gnome to guide you to the holding cells, as the building is too convoluted (and a definite fire hazard) for you to get there yourself. In return, you'll put in a good word for her to your supervisors, maybe get her a promotion.

>>1588662
That girl gnome has one hell of a bulge

>>1588662
Grab her and smash her head into the wall and take the hat because she is no beauty

Seduce gnome with sexy times and then tell it to go to a secure place where they cant find you. Once inside, knock gnome out, steal hat and magical security card/key

>>1588662
Walk right past them.

>>1588662
Rid the world of this hellish beast and ascend to Gnomeliness

>>1588662
ABORT ABORT

>>1588844
seconded

>>1588662
cross your eyes and imagine that hobbit girl from the tavern, then use your smoothest pick up line to seduce her/him?

>>1588662
Make sweet love to the gnome of your dreams, baby.

>>1588662
Close your eyes and think of England

>>1588662
Take 'em to the break room that the sign hopefully was pointing towards, brain 'em, acquire hat.

Of course if there's more gnomes along the way claim safety procedures.

>>1585810
>>1585830
>>1585931
>>1586530
>>1586836
>>1588844
>>1588973
Yes

>>1589407
We're not sexing her, but she's just a secretary, a cog in the machine. She's done no harm and we're basically killing an innocent creature. I hope you all realize that this'll SEVERELY affect our character alignment.

>>1589421
Have we killed anything yet?

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>>1589428
Closest we came was having our penis best be bit by Maresi's shark teeth. Otherwise, no , not directly.

>>1589439
minor eldrich bro survived and we later used him to throw a table at orc girl. Also minor eldrich bro was supposed to be on guard last night.

>>1589421
Alright, sure. We'll manipulate her with our superior rank and possibly our dashing good looks. As long as we get that third hat.

>>1589439
Sacrifice her to the eldrich powers, but keep her hat

>>1589560
that's true what happened

Or, we get eldrtich bro a gnome hat and have him start out ranking these keebler nerds.

>>1589694
>>1589962
No staff, can't summon

>>1589966
tape gnomes together to make a staff?

How does magic work work? Being a powerful wizard surely we know the workings of magic well enough to figure out how to make a temporary staff

>>1590023
Or create a summoning circle of feces and gnome blood

>>1590023
We could use the spines of the gnomes to make a makeshift staff
Im sure i'd be useful as a necromantic staff

Why do ya'll wanna kill this perfectly fuckable gnome?

>>1590127
The real question is why the hell are we even interacting this much with the gnome in the first place instead of exploring places ourselves or asking for relevant information.

>>1590254
Yeah, fuck it, we'e already hot shit with two hats, let's not get greedy. Explore the office.

could we perhaps still burn the gnome to cinders? we've done fire stuff without the staff before.

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>>1590023
AN EXCELLENT QUESTION!

When you're accepted to wizard college, you're given a magical hat. Hats amplify human's natural magical ability! If you graduate, however, the Grand Dodo will grant you a unique totem! Totems are unique, but any ol' magic hat works.

In fact... now that you think about it... you can feel trace amounts of magical amplification coming from.... THE GNOME HATS!

Now this is just a theory, but you gotta trust me. YOU NEED THAT HAT! I'd bet a hypothetical $20 on it!

>>1590772
UHHH. UMM. N-NO! WE'VE NEVER USED MAGIC WITHOUT THE STAFF, YOU DUMMY.

HEHEHEH

Heh....

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>>1590855
You lead the secretary into the dark, secluded ruins of the room. They take your hand ever-so eagerly.
Your stomach churns at the thought of the sins you're seconds away from committing.

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>>1590858
SINS THAT WE SHALL NEVER AGAIN DISCUSS.

You take a moment to either think about what you just did, or block them out. Either way, lets not worry about it right now; It's bad for your psyche and you are NO Cupid.

But it was not in vain! With the three hats sitting atop your noodle, you feel their collective power gift you with small amounts of magical power! Looks like you have a bit of your old power back! Don't go crazy with it, or you could get the poops!

>>1590863
THE GNOME WAS BONED

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>>1590275
You mosey on over to the wall where a tiny map sits that I'm just now realizing is waaaaaaaaaaay to high for gnomes to read. It looks like there are some rooms around you, with a large chamber further within the dungeon.
Your mind begins to ache trying to read the gnomish script, a high buzz coming from the soul-sucking lights.

Looks like the room nearest to you is the BREAKROOM.

This is a beard scratcher, fella. I've never seen such a mind-numbing labyrinth! It'd take days to explore this, minutes even!

>WHATS THE PLAN

>>1590871
Go right. It looks like that's where the loot is.

>>1590871
Go to the breakroom, and steal not only the hats of any gnomes inside, but the tiny tables and chairs to create weaponry.

>>1590871
on the one hand we can scope out the break room for loot or a clue to our companions whereabouts. Or we can head the other direction and likely rescue someone right away.

>>1590871
Does that secretary arrow refer to the current room or is there an adjacent room full of administrative aides? Is this a military base? Are the gnomes mobilizing for a greater conflict? How organized are the gnomes? Am I over-thinking a farcical porn comic?

Better to just head left and start hitting things. Also, inspect the figurine in the trash. Knowing which waifus the gnomes consider to be garbage may prove useful.

>>1590871
Go right. Always go right.

>>1590871
>>1590997
Take the figurine. Chekhov's Figurine.

>>1590871
Take EVERY hat you can find.

EVERY HAT.
Also go to the breakroom.

>>1590871
If that was the secretary there may be some files and things in her desk, maybe we'll find a clerical error for our inspection

>>1590871
WHAT IS THAT PINK HAIRED THING?
INSPECT ALL IN THE ROOM!

>>1590871
>go to breakroom
>kill gnomes
>take hats
>debone gnomes
>make heretical occult gnome bone staff

>>1591324
seconded

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>>1591324

>>1590871
grab the doll, for right

walk straight through the wall to the back room, gnome walls ain't shit.

y'know, looking back on it, I really miss our hat. we should open a portal back to the tavern and get it back.

what's that in the trash. Could it be mushroom princess?

>>1591324
please and thank you

>>1591324
Don't forget the trashcan doll

>>1590863
did you forget you were posting on a porn board? I demand to see hot bearded wizard on bearded lady? gnome action.

>>1591324
this is good for the timeline

Bumparoo

>>1590871
Oh shit, is that our crusty-ass figurine that got robbed from us?
Our staff might be close, search through that shit!

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Sorry guys, just gettin' home from a looooong day of work, so I'm a-hittin the hay. Update tomorrow!

This has been a blast, I'm so happy to be back.

>>1593108
See you tomorrow OP

>>1590871
Wait, is that our moe figurine in the trash?!

Either way, let's check the breakroom. Gotta find our or some loot.

>>1593108
just found out about you and bang quest 3 days ago. this is the funniest shit I've ever read

>>1593108
Glad to have you back. That nearly a year(!) off better have been worth it. Having an erection reserved for 300+ days isn't easy.

They trashed the Moe figure of our waifu! This disrespect cannot go unpunished.

holy shit i thought you were dead

Bumperdidoo

bumperino

Bumpgasm

Bump for the future.

>>1597390
>>1597379
>>1596757
>>1596164
Thanks guys. Sorry about the silence, folks, living that working-a-double-every-day life at the moment. Would that I could make a living off BQ.

Thanks for the patience, it means the world

>>1598366
Good luck at work Anon!

Also, doing lewd art is very difficult to get a profit started in until you become popular or find a niche. Mabye you could start your own webcomic with a Patreon or something?

If your having trouble with time i can help with the art

make a patreon, i'd give you money just for bang quest!

boomp

Hey, hey lets get a bump going here, we got some girls to save

Bump for good luck!

bumparoony

>>1571281
Why is this shit allowed on here but not on /tg ?

>>1602228
Because all quests are now directed to /qst/, but that was stupidly made a blue board, so smut questers look elsewhere.

bump to keep this alive

>>1603269
This is dead though.

>>1603658
YOU will be dead if you don't shut
I have waited a year for this and I refuse to let anyone ruin it

>>1603671
Well you just broke post limit with this post, so

>>1603682
Whos going to make the next thread?

>>1603699
The OP obviously.

>>1603707
I will.

Sorry again guys, this week has been hell. Keep an eye on tumblr for the next thread.

>>1604085
At least you came back, Good luck Anon!

>>1604085
No worries, some things just take priority.

>>1572557
This. And while under time stoppage iirc

thread: bumped

>>1607121
Its past post limit smartass
Can't be bumped

>>1608273
Well fuck, time to go down with the ship lads

>>1609185
Gentlemen, it has been a privilege playing with you tonight