the Handy Handjobs edition
[PAID BOTNET] http://play.esea.net
Always inspect in game, always assume the worst. Bet what you can afford to lose and most importantly always do the opposite of what /csgog/ says.
>Game Mechanic Info
Money System: http://i.imgur.com/dp4ZIQ0.jpg
Damage Chart: http://www.schuzak.jp/cs-go/dmgchart.html
Recoil Mechanics: http://twowordbird.com/articles/csgo-recoil-mechanics
>Ranks & Stats
Config Tool: http://csgohelp.com/autoexec
Livestreamer Guide: https://i.imgur.com/7u6wAGm.jpg
Open Source Twitch Chat: http://sourceforge.net/projects/getchatty
>How to git gud
Do this EVERYDAY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlCRfTmBSGs [Embed]
Watch this EVERYDAY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUgKRtAJqwU [Embed]
>Useful websites and maps/How to practice
Read and watch everything here:http://pastebin.com/zTwcpC1q
reminder to vote in csgogs knife skine poll
reminder to vote in csgogs knife skine poll
I recently started playing Csgo because I love watching Competetive Games (leagueoflegends 24/7 <3). Csgo is also, such an awesome Game and I really enjoy playing it, especially Matchmaking with my Friends. Im not that good yet, because its my first time playing a Shooter/FPS Game. I got ranked into Silver 4. Beside the fact that I dont understand the Elo ranking system (I win three/four MM in a row have a positive Kda ,but never get higher - I loose one -> instantly get demoted, but maybe im just not good enough, so its ok) I think the biggest problem in my opinion is the Attitude in the lower Elo. In 90% of my games is someone Afk, someone starts flaming, people troll or everyone sounds like a 10 year kid with an Aids Mic. Dont get me wrong, ofc they can't be Pros with Super Headsets,sick Internet connections and sick Mechanics,but I dont understand why there is always a hard lagging/perma dc'ing Teammate, or somebody that wants to get kicked and trolls. And it seems like those People dont really care about beeing banned when they play with knowing they can Dc. Also, I dont really know what Valve can do with that. Maybe I just had a unlucky streak and I dont have as much Afk's as I do now when I play more (16 MM wins atm). Would be nice if you tell me a little more about your experiences and what rank you are :). Im looking at LolReddit like 100 times a day and im New to this Reddit and dont know a sh*t . Sorry for my bad English btw, not a native Speaker.
Lads when should I use these scenario/objective-specific guns?:
>sawed-off and nova
>light buy after pistol round
as who? pistol round winning or losing team?
winning might go pistol and smg, losing might pistol rush before i can spray the bizon enough or get the nova to cooperate
t. shitter who needs to runngun and spam
put your head in a noose and jump off a table
t. shitter who is both unfunny and unskilled
How does it feel looking at the winner of the next major?
cz is a team weapon, if you have a team its god tier for certain strats, but in random pugs and mm its too weak because you rarely get more than a single kill
sawed off is hostie maps only
nova is a good anti eco weapon on certain maps because of the economy boost
occasionally it has play in the most desperate of force buys
Pros of UMP:
Cheapest smg on CT side and second cheapest on T side (1200$)
600$ per kill
more accurate while jumping and on ladders compared to the P90
way easier recoil (just pull down like with the m4a1-s and no NOT try to compensate for the horizontal left right movement at the end of the spray, the weapon will do that itself.
almost similar time to kill compared to the p90
greater effective range against armor (400u) compared to the p90 (250u) - 60% more. Greatest effective range against armor among the smgs.
Cons of the ump:
Smallest magazine (25 bullets) among the smgs
Pros of the P90:
Bigger magazine (50 bullets)
Fastest time to kill at point-blank range by a very small margin
Cons of the P90:
No addition kill reward (300$)
relativley hard and random recoil
way too expensive (2350$)
enemies have armor:
bizon is utter shit
ump is as good as a famas until 400u
0u-249u: P90 kills 10ms faster than the ump
250u-399u: Ump kills 60ms faster than the p90
400u-..._ P90 kills 30ms faster but engaging with an SMG at such distance is retarded
enemies have no armor:
ump is always better than the P90
MP7 is slightly better than the ump from 150u to 460u
i dont even use the nova tbqh the automatic is way better
Any of you play in SEA? I live in Indonesia and usually connects to Singapore, but now Volvo added servers in other part Asia and it fucked me ad my ping, got queued with Russians severeal times
Setting maximum ping for MM doesn't help somtimes, what do?
>9-2-2 at MGE
>still going against 4-stacks of MG2 players
fucking derankers man fucking kill yourself fuck off FUCK OFF DO IT AS FIVE DONT WASTE MY FUCKING TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCKING RUSSIANS MAN WHY WHY WHY CANT THEY HAVE THEIR OWN FUCKING SERVER THEYRENOT HUMAN THEYRE NOT ON EVEN GROUNDS WITH REAL EUROPEANS THEY CANT BE ALLOWED TO BREATH THE SAME AIR OR PLAY ON THE SAME SERVER
7 out of 10 7 out of 10 fucking losses derank duos DUOS THEYRE WASTING THE TIME OF THREE ABSOLUTELY SUPERIOR BEINGS THREE ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS
>after 2 rounds one guy just starts ghosting
>3 rounds later, other guy buys shotgun, shoots me in the face with it in spawn and gets a 30 min cooldown
why can this be done with no punishment whatsoever
>nu hellraisers getting fucken destroyed
thats what happens when no dosia
not everyone laughs like a fucking hyena when they find something funny
i can find something funny as fuck but outwardly i'm just smiling
the amount of times i've laughed in my life in that loud "HAHAHAHAHAH" fashion can be counted with the fingers of one hand
I'm sorry to hear that, anon. I hope life gets better for you.
ESL is with ESEA and they've said they will be unbanned from pugs and scrims but not from league play. Faceit and CEVO haven't said anything, so I'm guessing when the ban is up there, they can play league? They do seem the more lenient on them since they can already play pugs and FPL while banned.
>unnatural high-contrast finger wrinkles
>hideous af uncut nails
>gamer-tier pale skin
legit why did they have to fuck up the hands
>ump is only good smg
>better compared to p90
>compared to p90
>compared to p90
>...however shit compared to mp7 etc
soo... it's literally only better than the p90, which is specialized gun that you can't really compare with others (such as the bizon itself)?
i get volvo is trying to make their shitty game look modern and compete with annual latest-gen releases like cod, to try to still appeal to kiddies who don't want to play a game because "muh grafix"
but they really fucked up this time and made the hands look worse. gloves better, but arms are shit. gj volvo
>tfw dropping a 42 bomb and losing due to derankers
im gonna stay a smurf forever why did i have to stop playing for 2 months reeeeeeeeeeeee
I think valve fucked up the ranks more than just decay actually, it looks like the entire distribution is fucked and is going too low
gonna be like a month before it settles probably
valve should just admit that some people are simply worth more than others.
in votes to kick and surrender first worlders should get 2 votes, or 2nd world tier trash half a vote. It just cant be that a random russian child has the same say as a swede. 2 russian kiddies can stop 3 gods from deciding whatever they want.
This just cant be allowed to continue.
>Come back after long break
>Be absolute shit
>queue with three other anime avatars
>the random we get talks shit about anime in the warmup
>mfw we're deranking and by round 5 he's begging us to kick him
>tell him we'll kick him if he says sorry
>make him apologise to each one of our waifus one by one
>go afk in spawn without kicking him
its true what they say about animes being bullied irl and using anime as an escape, its also true that animes have shitty personalities and online act like this when they can hide from their physical and social reality
This makes me want to pound your boipussy so badly
Is there any way to download a GOTV replay of a game you're currently spectating from the Watch tab?
I ask mostly because Olofmeister is playing a game now where he got a webm-worthy knife kill.
Had it coming, redditor faggots deserve what you did.
hmm i guess that's possible but i'd assume whoever this 5th is he has been playing scrims with c9 just on his main acc and the teams they have scrimmed against simply haven't leaked it due to integrity or some shit
csgog was one of the few places sticking up for fnatic not only during the handshake incident (which was perfectly reasonable for fnatic) and also during the boost
the boost drama was just our guys spam in the general
reddit were the bullies as they always have been
I've posted about him before. hes really fucked up and a legit psychopath.
raised almost entirely by a single mother, his dad is a stock trader/economist at a university who was never around
his mom was probably a opiate addict or whatever morphine is
he killed animals for fun when we were little
he has like 5-10 girlfriends and he cheats on them and verbally abuses them, tells them theyre ugly etc
hes socially manipulative as fuck, he got people to all piss in our other cousins mouth and force him to swallow it while he was passed out at a party at his house
hes dropped out of school several times, hes like 27 and in school again for some trading bullshit at a community college
his mom died from mysterious causes, probably the opiate addiction related
he took all his inheritance and lived on a luxury apartment in an expensive city trying to gamble the money on the stock market
went broke, now he leeches off our grandmother
she took out a loan on the house our grandfather (dead) had paid back to support him and his sister who is at an expensive overseas degree for like 5 years now
he has parties at her house and does cocaine etc, he will literally fuck girls in front of our grandmother and she goes to the neighbors house to sleep sometimes
my extended family are trying to figure out how to handle him because hes bleeding her dry
hes so fucking scary, the scariest part is how he gets people to like him even though hes downright evil
yeah I mean hes a fucked up dude man
and he looks exactly like freakazoid, its all I can think about when I see freak
hes a bit smaller but he plays and teaches tennis at country clubs so hes fit
when we were little I remember him playing a "game" where he and his friends would get a kid from his school/neighborhood and make him stand against a wall while they threw rocks at them
they played that "game" with one of the gifted students in his class and gave him a serious life changing concussion and he never faced any consequences from it, it was just one of the things where everybody knew who did it except the people who could and should have prosecuted
the guy with the concussion was never the same, he went from a a+ student who skipped grades to failing out of school
Thorin @Thooorin 3m3 minutes ago
It's sad to think that olofm, the best player of 2015, might have retired at the end of 2014 due to abuse from the community.
what happened to tecmeister in 2014?
he wanted to retire because of that?
>mfw i have woken up every day for the past 20 years
life is like a box of choccos
better to have thrown it away when you had the chance
old meme coming through
this meme was before you youngins time
she is a flight attendant
csgog found her really fast
>tfw reformatted computer like 1 and a half years ago and so lost a lot of pictures
rather have that than literally the same posts about anime over and over again with ten minutes between them
one of the posts are mine
>some people here literally don't remember when JW was our literal guy
>A team at the highest level of CS that's been to 100's of LAN's and played on every anticheat client known, with people literally sitting behind them watching there screen, and watching what keys they press on there keyboard, are cheating.
Ok man, whatever you say.
>can't find that picture of /csgog/ having a lot of posts about ebola
can anyone post that please?
i believe the first post was something like "everyone in this thread has ebola now"
and then someone responded to it saying "aaaaaaaaaaah fuck this fucking blows man"
>that feel when no one ever posts your oc
>we will never go back to mid 2014 csgog
just fucking end it all lads
i remember that picture inspired me to make this a long time ago
man i love these
could have sworn i had a picture of this saved with cadian saying "you feel it" and the other dude saying that he feels it
how retarded am I being by considering buying go for the marketplace? I'm sitting here watching the steam market place and seeing a whole bunch of shitty things flying off the figurative shelves and can't help but wonder if I could at the very least use CS:GO to pay for itself.
Good cheats don't give a shit about any anti-cheat client, and the cheats we're talking about aren't super blatant like the ones you see in MM all the time. Of course they're not gonna see them on the screen at LAN.
it honestly makes me want to die my lad
why is csgog so fucking boring nowadays
like year ago we had 20+ memes on rotation and this thread was pure funposting and fantastic during tourneys
now its all reddit and warowl subscribers
it's useful, my mouse used to always roll over the cord and my sens is pretty low so if i tried using tape it'd just rip off
if you've got 20 bucks and dont have anything to spend it on it's a decent purchase
> alright i think i will play some csgo today!
> remember i got in silver 4 after a shit calibration
> we lose the pistol round because my team is retarded
> pp bizon shitters use their crutch to mow over us 15-0
> we can not do anything because they outgun us every time at midrange
> my team is to busy fucking buying armor defuse kits and smoke grenades to be useful
> on top of that I dropped a fucking 10 bomb so pretty much carried the game
> I derank because of this
Fuck this game. Valve please fucking fix the bizon being capable of this bullshit. At least stop matching me up with shitters who buy defuse kits.
it actually makes me really sad
even though there was a lot of imcute shitposting it was fun to band together to hate tali and his buttbuddies
reminder that tali is literally a homosexual
i dont know man. i hope we bring it back in 2016
>tfw was just about to post that same picture
my version is called 1408182434804, though
i guess you saved that one a day or two later, i don't really know how unix timestamps work though
still, it's cool to think about
>implying there weren't some great nights when harveyfag got btfo
whatever happened to this man?
it was as if he was brought in for like a couple of weeks and then murdered and thrown into the ocean
I am having a stroke at this very moment after killing the last terrorists
I am dead fucking serious
I would go and defuse the bomb but it's too late since I have no kit and can't run to save since I am on low HP
This will be the last thing I will every type in my life
i can't find the kenis pictures i'm sorry
I am have huge blisters filled with blood and I can feel my intestines rotting at this very moment after losing 250 friends due to ebola
I am dead fucking serious.
I would go get a phone but I'm having bleeding internally and can't move my legs nor move my hands
This will be the last thing I every type in my life
My mouse died and I'll be going in the store to buy a new one.
Thinking about buying the Logitech M105. Is this good?
I had a stroke during the finals of the cs:go tournament, losing $230 betting on Fnatic to win over NiP
I am dead fucking serious
I would call a priest, but I traded my phone for unprofitable junk.
This will be the last thing I will every type before my spirit has to leave this world (for 9 months at least when i might be able to resell them for the same price and only lose $10 through steam tax)
why didn't you help me /csgog/
goodbye lads i'll miss you all
i really enjoyed posting on /csgog/
i really did
One thing you guys are clearly missing is the snap at the very end of his shots. Watch all of them, very closely. He's nowhere near the head, as soon as it shoots it snaps to the head - hence the triggerbot. More than likely he has a ring0 triggerbot which is ESEA proof. Yes, they have that and it's around $100+ per month. Can't wait until he's caught and banned. You don't see the best players in the world doing that type of shit, much less a random with no league on his bought steam ID. This isn't a hater comment, it's the truth. If you watch the video and think that's legit, when the x-hair jumps to the head at the end of the shot, you're more than likely 15 or younger.
>harveyfag almost never spams the thread anymore
>built in smoothing
Criteria for a good mouse
>Greater than or equal to 500 DPI
>Not advertised as a gaming mouse
>No useless LEDs
>Not more than 5 buttons
the real nigga hours and twitterspeak was when /csgog/ started to go down hill i think
For an example this is what prediction will do to you.
Holy fucking shit guys I just won big
post steamids, I'm doing a giveaway
I fucking hate casual mode
>teammates will literally ignore enemies that are shooting at them
>they constantly run in front of you when you're shooting an enemy
>they always do shit that makes them look worse than Silver 1s
catch me if you can faggots hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey, /csgog/. I'm a nova player looking for tips on my aim. My aim is pretty bad at close range but far ranges I pretty much don't stand a chance. Any advice?
webm related, my aim
I can see through it just fine. See?
Does anyone have the leaked csgo girls nudes?
Like a year ago Hades leaked Di and Artstars nudes, and all the imgur albums are deleted. Does Anyone have them?
Here are their twitters:
i posted this on esea and got banend
post your bhop trax famalam