Storythread

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>>53244753

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>>53244865

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>>53244888

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Gonna repost the story I was working on previously premature killed thread.

>>53209247
>>53218131
>>53218151
>>53227245
>>53229275

-----

I still remember the day they came. The elven forces from their land of Shene Edhil along with an important elven politician and a company of a hundred-plus elven warriors and mages who came along with him for protection. The elves of Shene Edhil came here to the land of Keshaodor and to our kingdom of Foltuna to make an alliance with our prince and princess who rule over our lands and kingdom, and I witnessed the elves marching to our capital city of Heiruu since I live and work at the outskirts of the capital city. My name is Kianna Wittwer, and I work as an assistant to a few milk farmers as a milkmaid to churn butter. I’ve personally bore no personal interest or disinterest to the elven people, I simply view them as different people with differing views, ideologies and abilities just like the dwarves, halfings and civilized orcs.

During the day I witnessed the elves marching into Heiruu I have noticed some of the people who lived in the outlying villages and houses outside the city walls have welcomed, greeted and even ‘fraternized’ with the elven soldiers and even wizards that arrived. A normal thing I thought, since this was a way for some people to greet foreign visitors to our lands, not to mention an elven ambassador was visiting, so this was all likely a way to show some friendliness to the eyes of the elven people and that the elven ambassador would tell good things about us when she reaches back to her homeland. I never knew the finer details that took place in the negotiations between the elf diplomat and our princes and princess other than it took about two days for the diplomat and our prince and princess to reach an agreement. And the result is a certain form of trade partnership between Keshaodor and Shene Edhil, but such political matters are best left to those who specialize it or are interested in it.

>>53245802
However I did know and was aware that a part of the agreement made by the elven ambassador and our prince and princess was that an embassy was to be setup within the capital’s boundaries. And I witnessed more and more people and my neighbors socializing and fraternizing with the elven guardsmen and overseers who’re stationed in the outskirts of Heiruu to guard and protect the construction efforts of the elven embassy and its workers and artisans. The people and my neighbors even socialized and made friendly chit-chat with the elven masons and workers who were building the embassy of Shene Edhil, the socializing between the citizens of Heiruu and the stationed elves was mostly friendly conversations. While some of the elven soldiers and mages even gave out candies, treats and some toys to children as a certain way of winning hearts and minds or showing peace and friendliness.

And almost un-surprisingly I even expected some socializing and fraternization between Heiruu citizens and the elven personnel involved some ‘fun times’ with working girls, strumpets and lusty elven men. It is said that elven people are uppity, proud, sometimes arrogant and even boisterous about their heritage, bloodlines, mannerisms, sophistication, abilities and achievements about themselves and their race in general. But alas, it seems even a sophisticated, well-traveled and knowledgeable elven person would practice in such ‘degenerative’ or an ‘unproductive’ vice such as bedding with a human whore. But of course there was also the remarkable case of one of those stationed elven personnel being, legitimately in love or falling for with a townsperson’s son or daughter, one case and instance even involved some elven mage; who was a woman, bedding with the teenage son of a butcher that caused some slight controversy between the elven personnel and Heiruu citizens.

>>53245808
However I’m not the one to really judge… Since I too also fell in love with one of those elves.

“Hello mam.” I still remembered the day he met me, greeting me with that attractive voice of his. Still remembering the image of him in his service uniform and armor, with his helmet removed and being held by his side, and having a gentle smile. He was an elf, but I noticed his face and chin was not like his elven brethren. His face looked almost human, but he had ears that were almost pointed and one thing that made him look very different is that he has facial hair, as in a very short beard, a five-o-clock shadow to be precise. And during that first time I saw him I was in a daze, almost in a trance at just looking at his admiringly beautiful face, and combined with that small amounts of facial hair.

"Uh, mam. Do you know where I and my comrades can have some refreshments? As in a pub or a restaurant here within the outskirts?” He asked with a gentle and quite genuine smile. And only after he spoke again that time did I snapped out of my trance and answered his question immediately.

“Uhm, over there… Do you see that large wooded building over there, about three blocks away?”

I told him as he replied. “Uhm mam, ALL the houses in these outskirts are wooden.”

“Oh no, the one with the colored roof? That there is Elsa’s Pub. Not sure why you folk wish to dine at Elsa’s. Surely you elves would’ve had reservations in the inner city’s finest dining joints, correct?” I inquired politely as he spoke back with a chuckle.

“Ehehehe, well it is true. But most of those eateries are too crowded with my elven brethren as of now. And me and my other elven brethren here figured we’d enjoy lunch in outskirts where there’d be a pub that is… Less accommodated, not that we’re trying to criticize, we’re just finding a more vacant venue.”

>>53245909
Then he looked back to this elven peers, spoke in their language in which he likely told them where Elsa’s pub was. And one of his elven peers spoke back to him in their tongue as they headed off in there, the smaller restaurant I directed referred to. But the elven man who spoke to me also spoke back to his colleagues in their elven tongue and he looked back at me with a smile, my gods do I love looking at that smile and face of his. I decided to speak to him again at that point.

“So, aren’t you going to go with your friends???” I asked with a bit of shyness.

“Well I just haven’t properly introduced myself yet. My name is Larrel Keaven, Lieutenant Larrel Keaven. And those group of elves you saw that I was with, they were subordinates under my command. Though I prefer to call them teammates as me and those boys consider ourselves a team instead. And what about you miss, what is your name?”

I could still not believe and remembered a blushed at such a question, but I answered still. “Kianna Wittwer is my name. I’m born here in Heiruu and have been working for nearly five years as milkmaid here in the outskirts of our nation’s capital. I mostly churn the butter as opposed to milking cows, the dairy men I work with already milk the cows themselves back at their farm, while they send the cream or whole milk to me for me to churn.”

“Your name’s Kianna? Why that is quite a pretty name for a hard working milk woman.”

I could not believe I was blushing, and even felt turned on by him giving such simple but sweet compliments to me. Probably by the fact I was never hit on or courted by anyone else, until now.

>>53245802
>>53245808
>>53245909
>>53245916
Seems like an okay story so far. You make a few grammatical mistakes here and there, but nothing to serious. The problem that really stood out for me was that you seem intent on trying to cram in as much exposition as possible. The audience simply doesn't need all that information, especially delivered in such a condensed fashion. Maybe you could try being less specific and more... impressionistic, if you see what I mean. Make a painting rather than a photograph.

>>53247273
>but nothing to serious
*too serious.

>>53247639
yes, I do see the irony of making a grammatical mistake while pointing out someone else's grammatical mistakes.

>>53248032
Happens to me all the time. Sometimes I add one deliberately, but it's surprising how rarely I need to.

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>>53249384

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>>53249410

There was a sharp divide where the fields ended and the forest began, something in the quality of the light. Too many shadows in the forest, perhaps.

The hunter walked down the thin dirt trail that separated one from the other. In one scarred hand he held a great storm-lantern, its orange light low behind the metal guard. His leather coat was worn at the elbows, from too much crawling in the mud, and stitched together across the back in many places where claws unseen had rent the material in sharp lines.

Ahead the sun was setting slowly, and the falling light seemed to bulk up the forest somehow, the individual shadows coalescing until it was nothing but a solid wall of darkness to his left.

He reached the crossroads and swung his bag down from his shoulder, pawing through his supplies. He was carrying little; a small bottle of the dark liquor, culled from the milk-flowers, that was said to kill pain. A few strips of meat jerky. Finally, a small embroidered sign he had fashioned in rough cross-stitch, with two simple words emblazoned across the middle.

He picked up the sign, weighing it in his hands. His gaze was caught by another sign at the side of the road. Made of aged wood, it stood well clear of the forest. One arm, relatively clean, with the lettering freshly painted, pointed away from the forest to a town he didn't know. The other, overgrown with moss, pointed deep into the woods.

He sighed, and unhitched a leather strap from around his neck. Taking a knife from his belt he fashioned small holes in the frame of the embroidered sign. He threaded the leather through these, and knotted it firmly. Finally, he placed the sign around his neck.

The sun had almost finished sinking below the horizon. He took a few steps towards the forest, raising the storm-lantern's shield to cast a thin beam of orange light onto the ground ahead of him. A faint trail was visible, leading deep into the heart of the forest. This he began to tread.

Within a few seconds the darkness of the forest had swallowed him. He didn't bother to look up as he ventured further into the trees. Outside the stars and moon would come out to shine, but neither was ever visible through the thick canopy of the trees around him.

From time to time the hunter passed a landmark he recognized. A great oak, its trunk split in two by some unfortunate stroke of lightning, a few pairs of red eyes glinting from its innards. The grey stone that lay by the side of the road, shaped something like a human figure bent over in pain. He stopped only briefly at each one, murmuring to himself while his watchful eyes scanned the darkness around him.

The light from the storm-lamp threw the landscape into uneasy relief, not penetrating far into the gloom. From time to time a shadow seemed to evaporate as the light touched it, streaming past his eyes in a vivid rush of deep purple, but he paid these no heed. The early tricks of the forest were nothing to be afraid of; the important thing was to keep one's wits.

The whispers were the next thing to start, sly laughter from trees he'd just passed. This too he had learned to ignore on other trips, raising the storm lantern a little higher and rattling it to show he was not afraid. They faded, but did not entirely die away.

When he reached the second oak, the one half-choked by thick vines, a bloated white owl, its talons stained with dark blood, fluttered down to land on a branch in front of him. Its head rotated to reveal the second face behind.

"What seek you, hunter?"

The hunter angled the sign across his chest up so the light from the lantern caught it. "Someone who can read, gremlin. Get gone into the dark."

The owl laughed and flew away to the west. The hunter continued east.

At the third oak, which grew from the ruins of some vast temple, its roots gripping through a broken marble altar, the hunter paused to eat a few strips of meat. The pool that ran the length of the temple was untouched by the decay around it, and he stared into the depths. A few maidens appeared reflected it in, shining and beautifully sad, but when he turned away they were only crows, hopping in and out of collapsed pillars.

"Will you?" he asked them, gripping his sign with greasy fingers, but the maidens shook their heads and the crows only cawed at him, so he went onward.

The forest had begun to grow warmer, and the air a little more humid. The hunter panted a little in the heat, and undid a few of the toggles on his leather coat, revealing rusty chainmail beneath. Above the sign that sat heavy on his chest the tooth of a dragon dangled, inscribed with a single rune.

Along with the heat the trees were changing, pine and beech giving way to mahogany and palms that still had taken on the ash-grey pallor of the forest. The voices had stopped, now, but from time-to-time the harsh sounds of monkeys screeching would reach him from the canopy far above.

Once there was an all-too-human scream, and the hunter paused, grimacing. Then he saw the lithe form of the panther, a dead monkey clenched in its jaws, and shook his head.

The fourth oak was toppled, rotted from the inside by a vast horde of termites that had since built a tower almost as high as the original tree. The hunter bowed in front of it, as was customary, and waited while the scurrying workers brought news of his scent to the hive.

Within a few minutes the side of the tower was covered with the scurrying insects, forming a vast face that looked down upon him and his sign.

"Now why, little hunter," the face mused, its voice made from the sound of a million mandibles rubbing against each other, "would we do that?"

The hunter smiled at a private joke. "I don't need you to, thank you. Just testing the principle of the thing. Thank you, your Highness."

He walked on. The mind of the hive watched after him for a few minutes, thinking on what had occurred, then sent a few hundred soldiers out after him, to observe. Half would no doubt be lost to the birds, but the rest would learn something that could be regurgitated into the memory-paper walls of the hive.

Before he reached the fifth oak the hunter stopped and cast about him in the undergrowth, gathering mud and moss that he formed into two plugs for his ears. The sounds of the forest died away and he continued with only his steady heartbeat beating in his ears.

Soon enough he saw the glow of sunlight through the trees, though he knew only a few hours had passed since he entered the forest. With one hand he freed the knife that rested on his hip and crept forward slowly.

The fifth oak was still growing green and true, by the side of a babbling brook. He walked forward into the clearing, and his heart was instantly glad. His feet passed from rough mud to soft grass, and overhead the sun's warmth beat down on him. In the distance, gathered round the roots of the fifth oak, he could see trestle tables where his fellows were sat with full horns of ale beside them. The conversation seemed raucous and full of cheer, though the plugs of mud in his ears prevented him from hearing it.

A maiden approached him from the tables, offering him a cup of wine to drink. She seemed perplexed at his lack of hearing. The plugs suddenly seemed a foolish precaution, and he reached up with a fumbling hand to flick them out.

The maiden spoke again. "A drink, Sir Hunter?" He took it gladly and drained it in one, feeling the fine wine reach down to the lingering darkness in his bones.

Abruptly, the light faded and he cried out. He was back in the dark forest, slumped on his knees in front of a shadowy figure. Behind her he could see the trestle tables revealed to be nothing but diseased roots of the fifth oak. The tree itself was infested with the crows that had been his constant companion since entering the forest. They were clustered round small bundles in the branches; with horror he recognized them as the heads of other hunters he had known. Their bodies lay around the trunk, some with weapons still clutched in their hands.

The figure above him looked down with amusement. "You have drunk my wine, Sir Hunter," it said, "and now you must do as I say - for is that not hospitality? First, stand."

The hunter found himself compelled to do so by the wine still burning in his marrow. He came stiffly to attention in front of the figure. Looking at it eye-to-eye now he saw an old crone, her skin withered around burning yellow eyes that captured his gaze.

"Turn around, Sir Hunter," she said softly, "and look back at the way you came."

Again he was compelled to, and he would have cried out if he could, for the path behind him had vanished through some magic and there was no way out of the clearing.

"Turn around again and face me."

Her eyes drank him in greedily, noting the scars on his face and the storm-lantern at his waist.

"Ho ho," said the witch softly, "a rich prize indeed to have wandered into my larder. But what is that around your neck?"

Her eyes wandered across the dragon-tooth, and then across the two words on the cross-stitched sign.

"A curious thing for a hunter to wear," the witch sneered, "'Kill me' - as if -"

The hunter watched as his right hand obediently rose and buried the long knife in the witch's chest.

>>53250097
I know I've read this before.

>>53248032
>yes, I do see the irony of making a grammatical mistake while pointing out someone else's grammatical mistakes.
That is actually completely natural. Most people can't see the mistakes in their own text, authors blindness is a term I've heard several times.

Okay, if the guy who wanted the German story translated is still around, I've finished my attempt at an English. I'll post it in the thread (from the beginning, I've made a few small revisions to what I'd already posted), in case anyone with a better knowledge of German than me wants to give me some notes. The original is here >>53217524

---------

'Be very careful.' Sana said to herself, trying to keep up her courage, her body pressed close to the cold rock. Behind her the wall of the tunnel had collapsed, opening up the passage to the sky, and a cold wind whipped about over the torn blanket of cloud. Immersed in the light of the shining morning sun, the clouds were a soft pink.

She brushed a gold-blonde strand from her face. The second time, she thought - I should have tied my hair back. She gripped the old beam with her left hand. It led along the wall, across the chasm, to the solid ground on the other side. A blast of wind shook Sana, but her feet stood firm on the small ledge.

She was very aware that this was her most dangerous undertaking so far. Master Ruven will scold me, she thought. But she was less concerned with that than she was hopeful that this time she would find something exceptional .

The researcher who had been in Ruven's shop two days ago had told them of this new secret entrance. He himself couldn't go down into the tunnels, for his work called him back to Akhor. Sana's Master Ruven would probably have gone himself, but he was getting too old for that sort of thing now. So on her free day Sana went herself - in secret - to search for the new entrance and the new unknown artefacts, which hopefully she would be able to sell in Ruven's business.

First, however, she had to get out of this tricky situation. The crag on which she'd got here had broken away under her feet, and only a daring leap onto the beam had saved her from falling into the endless depths below. Only a small outcrop offered her toes some kind of hold.

>>53253917

Sana looked down at her blue trousers. They were smeared with dirt. On her right hip there was a rope rolled up and clipped to her belt. She looked at the tunnel across the chasm, but there was nothing there she could snag the rope on.

'Of course not.' she muttered to herself.

She reached for the long knife that she carried on her left hip. Let's see if you're worth the money, she thought - although if not I'm not going to get the opportunity to ask for a refund. She drew the blade.

With both hands she gripped the handle of the weapon and pressed the tip of the blade behind the beam. The knife let itself be pushed between the wood and the rock. Sana breathed deeply. Then she stepped off the ledge and her body weight rammed the edge ever deeper behind the wood... and stuck. Sana's heart raced, and a shiver ran down her back.

After she had pulled herself back onto the narrow ledge again she got her rope and looped the middle around the knife's handle, so that the two ends dangled into the depths.

'So far, so good.' she muttered to the wall. She knotted the two free ends in several places, and at regular intervals tied them together, then let the rope drop from the ledge, down to the [sample]. Exactly as I imagined it, a rope-ladder, she thought, grinning. Then she put her foot on the first step.

Her weight only tightened the knots even more. After a few moments she was standing on the last knot, all she could see under her was the ripples and lumps of the clouds. Before her she saw the underside of her native Naberu. The flying continent went on endlessly to the horizon.

>>53253983

Sana stepped out of the last knot and dangled over the abyss. She didn't take long to consider her next course of action: hanging by her hands from the rope, she began to swing her feet. The first big swing to the rock-face in front of her brought a loud <crack> from the wooden beam. The small lurch that accompanied it was a big worry for Sana, but it was too late to stop now. There was only back and forth, swinging across the endless void. The bigger the swing, the more painful the pull on her arm. Then the stroke that carried her up to the edge of the rock... her fingers brushed a ledge... and slipped away.

Sana grunted in pain. The next swing brought her closer... close enough for her to get her left hand into a hollow in the rock. She grabbed onto it and pulled herself up, taking heavy breaths as she ascended hand over hand up the rock-face. She reached the top, exhausted, and rolled over the edge. For a few moments she just lay on her back, looking up at the roof of the tunnel, panting.

Good enough, she thought to herself. Getting to her feet, she glanced back over the edge, down into the depths. Nothing of the countries under the clouds was visible at the moment. Perhaps on the way back, she thought.

Sana looked along the tunnel. She could see as far as a bend up ahead. It leads right into the heart of the country, she decided. Maybe even in the direction of Akhor. With some luck when I get to the other end I might come up right in the city. She laughed, and shook the glow-stick she'd taken from her pocket. A warm red light shone from it, illuminating her way.

In a small rectangular chamber at the end of the tunnel she found shelves, with small hills of dust and old leather bindings scattered on the floor in front on them. Nothing of value, thought Sana, disappointed. She followed a passage to the end of the room, which led into a large hall.

>>53254001

Stone pillars supported the roof here. Light broke through a small hole in the ceiling. Countless crooked eyes stared down at Sana from the walls and columns. They were sculpted so that their gaze fell on anyone who entered the hall.

'The Eye of Nurn', Sana said softly. She sniffed the air - it didn't smell stale, and was surprisingly cool, which meant that somewhere there was still an open passageway. Her gaze fell on the small pedestal that stood inconspicuously at the other end of the hall. An object rested on it.

Butterflies fluttered in Sana's stomach. She stared at it for a moment, and then went straight for it.

As she came nearer a hot prickling passed over her skin. Her vision became a dark tunnel, at the end of which waited this artefact.

She took it from the pedestal, and it was suddenly all over again. She looked around anxiously, listening to the silence. Then she felt the warmth that was coming from her hands, and looked down. It was a black cylinder, its surface smooth and shiny. What is this, she asked herself, and crouched down. She turned it, and recognised a faint line that ran round the cylinder. Carefully she pulled at both ends, and with a hiss it opened. Colourful light shone out of the inside, overlaying the red light of the glowstick that lay in her lap.

Finally an interesting artefact, she thought delightedly. [She reached for the ring that the light came from.] It shimmered and shone in rainbow colours which seemed to flow into each other. A soft warmth radiated from the smooth surface. [She could reseal it], before it unfolded like a flower. Sana looked back down the hall. Perhaps I have here the key to the mystery of Naberu, she thought. Maybe I can also finally...

'Just as Lakali predicted...' said a muffled voice coming from the hole in the ceiling. Sana looked up in surprise.

>>53254022

An amethyst-coloured light flashed, and with a thunder part of the ceiling came crashing down. A thick dust cloud spread out. Coughing, Sana crawled aside, [pressing the ring to herself so as not to lose it - but her hand was empty! Between tears she saw the ring wrapped around her wrist.]

'Someone's there.' a voice said drily.

A woman, Sana thought. She could make out outlines, looming above her, silhouetted against the steel-blue sky. The right figure was tall, and wrapped up in a black fabric. Under a hood shone two big round amethyst-coloured circles, looking down at Sana. About her metallic hands ran lines glowing with the same light as her unnatural eyes.

Sana looked the woman up and down, and recognised the the locks of black hair, which shone like obsidian.

A shine...

.... which she had always envied [him].

The ash-grey eyes...

... which Sana had always stared into deeply

The stubby nose...

Sana felt hot tears running down her cheeks. 'Rait...' Sana let out a pained cry. There she stood. Armoured in blackened steel-plate, at her side a scabbard [and grown up].

Sana felt as if she had actually fallen in the broken shaft, and this was her life flashing before her eyes. It can't be true, she thought. All the forgotten feelings - the joy, the sadness, the rage - came back and crashed down on her soul.

'You promised.' cried Sana, and black smoke exploded from her right wrist. It lay about her body like a second skin. Astonished, Sana watched her hands as night-black claws began to form.

'We are too late.' Sana heard Rait say, unconcerned.

Sana looked at the figure beside Rait, who had pointed their right fist at her. Two halves of an arc sprang from the metallic armour and formed the weapon. Violet energy crackled and covered the surface.

'Rait, I...', the flash of light shot from the fist without warning and interrupted Sana. She was knocked down and saw her right arm spin in a spiral of blood.

>>53254102

'I'll help you', a man's voice said suddenly in her head. Without her control her body jumped up with inhuman power, straight at Rait and her shooter. No, Sana cried out internally. She crashed into the pair, throwing them to the ground. She braced herself with one arm and stayed up.

'No, leave them alone.' she cried.

In front of her the shooter recovered and, without hesitation, kicked her straight in the chest. Sana had the air knocked out of her, and flew back into the hole. Before she even landed there was another flash of light. She felt as if her chest was giving way, and a stabbing feeling in her heart. An explosion, and the pressure wave hurled her through the air. She bounced on the floor of the hall and saw nothing but black; pain cascaded through her. As she lifted her head from the stone floor, she saw between tears that the floor sloped downwards away from her.

'Best friends forever.' Sana repeated the oath Rait had sworn. Her best and only friend smiled carelessly back at her. Sana felt like she was back at their first meeting.

In her hiding place:

'It's been two years since my twelfth birthday.' said Sana. Rait nodded firmly, her curls swaying. The thin evening light that broke through the thorny undergrowth gave her wild mane that black glow that Sana so envied. It was so very different to her own radiant-gold hair.

Rait said: 'If you hadn't run away from home, I would never have found you here, broken down in tears.'

Insulted, Sana muttered, 'I had something in mind.'

Both of them broke out in laughter. Then Sana stood up and brushed off her elegant blue dress, while Rait straightened out her cheap linen.

'Tomorrow, then...' Rait said expectantly, her deep eyes shining with joy.

>>53254128

Sana looked over her shoulder through the branches of the undergrowth and recognised the walls of the Vasu estate. When she turned back to Rait she said firmly: 'I'll wait for you.' As Sana turned to go back, Rait grabbed her by the arm. Surprised, she looked at Rait.

With a determined look in her ash-grey eyes, her friend said softly: 'there's still something missing. The oath must still...' Rait pulled Sana to her, '... be sealed.'


------

I'm sure my translation isn't perfect. I had to make a few deliberate compromises where I didn't think the direct translation would work in English, and I've put square brackets around the bits I wasn't sure I'd understood well enough to translate properly. Of course, it doesn't help that this is fantasy - in future if Germanbro wants anything else translated it would help to get a summary of the story so I know what the hell is going on.

Incidentally, I thought the story itself was quite good.

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>>53254128
>>53254251

Thank you so much, it really means a lot. Wish I would be good at writing in english.

Did you have problems with context understanding or understanding from translation? Was the problem a convoluted plot or to bad of description of surroundings/enviroment?
Prologes/Beginnings are my weakpoints, thats the reason I ask. Also do you mean summary of the the whole book or the text? Do you still have interest in more? You don't have to if you don't want.
Thanks again.

>>53254415
>Did you have problems with context understanding or understanding from translation?
As an example, I knew
>über die zerrissene Wolkendecke
means
'over the torn cloud cover', but I still almost wrote 'under' because the 'over' didn't make any sense to me, until later after I'd read further I realised that she was on a floating continent.

Just a description of the story's setting and characters, and a short summary of what happens in the bit you want translated, would have helped a lot.

I wouldn't mind doing a bit more, but it takes quite a while so I can't promise I'd get it done quickly. Incidentally, why do you want it translated?

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>>53254805
Thanks for the answer.
The reason why I want it translated is because I love these threads, but I can never contribute because I think I am bad at english. I write a lot and would love to share my stories with the people who give me all the inspiration for it. In this case /tg/ in general.

Also here would be my blurb for the story as a whole:

> Her best friend: Kidnapped by the witchqueen. Her home: somewhere up in the clouds. Her heart: Now a silent Mare. But despite that Sana will not give up. She wants to get her friend back, with any prize that has to be paid. Thus she sets off to bring the witches down. She is accompanied by Roa, a mysterious man with a mask; Iza a devouted harpy and Ikalla a bitter orphan-girl, which would love to see the trimurtian Empire fall. But this empire is what they need to bring the Witches down.

The story follows Sana as she tries to get her best friend back, from whoever she thinks controlls her. They try to end the inactivity of the Empire against the realm of the witches by ingniting war with proof of the witches meddling in the empire. A lot of the plot is going to be mystery solving and gathering evidence, fighting creepy monsters in the cities by night. Like x-Files in Fantasy.

Here would be the next part, if you are interested. Don't worry about taking your time.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QJrwfCV9GqORcUL9Sj1XsiFIWMsmDdR-R0QHKEkv1C8/edit?usp=sharing

>>53249444

Steve: Hooooo-leeeee-shit man.

Hank: Told ya didn' I? Fully stocked.

Jimmy: Stocked with what? Come on guys, I can't see shit down here.

Steve: Fucking terraforming supplies man, wall to wall...

Jimmy: What? You foolin with me?

Hank: Nope, dead seri, checked 'em myself 'fore I called y'all in. This here's a gen-u-ine firster pre-supply probe.

Jimmy: Like, from Earth?

Hank: That's right, built by the good ole boys at NASA.

Jimmy: No way. No fucking way, you gotta be foolin.

Steve: He ain't Jimmy, I'm lookin at the logo right now. N fuckin ass-uh.

Jimmy: Sheeeeit, hold on a sec, I'm comin up there.

Hank: No you ain't boy, yer stayin right there and keepin an eye on that scanner. You read me boy?

Jimmy: But-

Hank: I said you read me boy?

Jimmy: I read boss.

>>53258693

Hank: Good, I didn' spend two cycles trackin this thing down just ta let some pack of Lithos sneak up on me while I loot it.

Steve: Loot it? Oh shit man, you crazy?

Hank: Maybe, but not crazy enough to call this in and let some damn Corp suit steal it from me.

Steve: Salvage regs say finder gets twenty-percent though, on a bounty this big that should be more than enough for all three of us.

Jimmy: That's for lost rovers and abandoned nests Steve.

Hank: Boy's got it. Aint nobody gonna give us twenty-percent of a supply drop, not when they could spend a tenth that lockin us up or tossin us down some Litho hole.

Steve: Awww fuck Hank, the hell did you get us into here?

Hank: What I got you into, son, is the chance of a lifetime. All you gotta do is play it cool and do what ole Hank tells you, and a few months from now you'll be sittin in your own dome, sipping real beer and watchin your kiddies run around on honest-to-God grass, while a bunch of robos tend your taters.

Steve: I don't got no kiddies Hank, you know that.

Hank: It's a fuckin metaphor, now you going to lend a hand here or stand around jawin? I pulled some records and there's supposed to be a manifest in each of there here sections, we ain't leaving today until we got those, as many samples as we can fit, and a secure Litho-fence around the area. Both you read?

Steve: Shit... I read.

Jimmy: Same here boss.

Hank: Knew I could count on you. Just treat this like any mining op, slow and smooth, no loud impacts, and pull back at the first blip Jimmy gets. Now let's see what them clever NASA boys *thought* great-grampa was gonna need to settle this shit-hole...

>>53258693
>>53258733

All I got for this week, can't spare any more time from finishing the storytime.

>>53258760
Too bad, it was engaging for a talking-head story.

>>53258760
All contributions welcome

So I'm GMing for a Pathfinder campaign and one of my party members, the Fighter has decided he wants to buy land, on which he will build and run his own Inn. Since he doesnt have skills that allow him to design and build an Inn, he's also decided to travel to the big city and find himself an architect.

This is where I could use some creative insight on how to make this architect and/or finding this architect interesting. It doesnt have to be a yearlong campaign but I feel like it would be a wasted opportunity to not make this interesting somehow.

I have trouble being creative when things are too general and open and this being a guy whom the Fighter pays to help him do a thing has too much of that for me to be able to easily think of an interesting angle on this.

Any suggestions on this or maybe a bit of brainstorming would be appreciated.

>>53274805
I'm guessing it's a straight-up Pathfinder campaign in a quasi-medieval setting, right? In which case there's no such thing as architects. What there are, are masons. Yeah, as in Masonic Lodge, secret brotherhoods, that kind of thing. Just about every trade in medieval times was organised into a guild, and the guys who built buildings (there was no clear distinction between an architect, a structural engineer, and a builder) were among the most powerful. The guild's members were bound together by powerful oaths and secret rituals which would probably have been considered at best morally suspect, at worst highly illegal (the point being that you wouldn't betray your brothers if they knew all your dirty secrets).

So, there should be some material in all that. Maybe your fighter, impatient to begin his project, goes to the guildhall out of hours and stumbles onto a secret ritual. Maybe he uncovers a plot by the masons to overthrow the city's government. Maybe he uncovers a plot by the city's government to disband the guild and arrest it's members. There's plenty of scenarios to choose from.

>>53275096
Having to deal with some kind of guild or organization is probably a good angle, yeah. I'm now also thinking of introducing more NPC, after all he's gonna need more than an architect. He's gonna need things like security, people to run his Inn while he's out adventuring, as well as suppliers. This would allow me to do some worldbuilding by having all these people be in some kind of trouble that is indicative of the region.

I'm not at all married to historical accuracy though, especially since I'm ignorant of a lot of it and so I'll probably stick to the idea of it being an architect.

>>53274285
You look across the ruined buildings and hear the mechancial hum-like voice of what appears to be a robotic thespian going over his lines.
"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: A fellow of infinite je-" the whizzing voice appears to glitch slightly, jumping ahead of itself with a much darker, dramatic tone "-et you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come; make her laugh"
The robot pauses and throws the human skull in the air, catching it as it comes down. He turns around and looks straight at you and falls over himself, dropping the skull and his makeshift cane. "AUDIENCE, AUDIENCE" it blurts as it scrambles away.

>>53266893
I don't have the time to write this, but I'm chuckling at the thought of the skeleton telling a string horrible bone puns and necromancer dad jokes to his put upon minion.

>What's the funniest bone in the body? THE HUMERUS!

>What do you call a necromancer who makes arrows? A Flicher!

>... and then I say to the gravekeeper reanimate her, I hardly knew her!

>What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? Come on, guess!

File: Brother Guts.png (1MB, 836x955px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 836x955px

Can we get a story about the Fallen Dark Angel Brother known as Guts?

Never posted in this thread before, but figured it's the right place to do it.
I've started writing a greentext some people've been asking for, and I'm not so sure about some things. Gonna post the beginning here.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YqXGDBqYAq5zlDoYAulf5GKeFIahld_6H8wgMj530MI/edit?usp=drive_web

>The format is unusual for greentexts
>It's a bit of a slow start, people might drop it because of lack of action.
>It's already obvious that the narrative and PoVs will jump around a lot in the beginning, might be too confusing.

>>53279639
I wouldn't call that a greentext, replace the '>' symbols with quotation marks and it'll read better.

>>53245916
Then he asked me.

“So Kianna, are you free later this afternoon? As in late afternoon?”

“Uhhhm, why Lieutenant Keaven?”

“Please Kianna, just call me Larell, or Lars.”

“Okay, Lars… Yes I’m free for the rest of the afternoon, I’ll just finish churning some butter for today after my break, and then I’m free… Are you asking me out-”

“On a date? Well if you put it that way, yes.” He simply said all while cutely smiling at me, as he continued. “Believe it or not, I’ve had some human women already made attempts at wooing me for being attractive, but I turned them down. After all, I’ve already found one woman who I like; and that’s you Miss Kianna.”

He leaned slightly closer to me as I giggled at him. “Ehehehe, aww that’s sweet mister Keaven- I mean… ‘Lars.’ –May I ask you though?”

“Yes?”

“You look somewhat… Different than your other colleges, you are almost just as tall as your elven brethren but your face looks almost like a human man’s, your eyes are as colorful as an elf’s but your pupils are the shape of a human’s. Also you have facial hair, short but noticeable. Are you a, half-breed?”

“Hmmmm, for a simple milkmaid you are quite observant, not that I’m mocking you for your proffesion or economic stance, just a compliment, ehehehe.”

“Heh, none taken.”

“That’s good, and yes I’m a half elf. My father is human who grew up among a human-minority society in Shene Edhil while my mother is full blooded elf. I do take pride in being a full fledge country man and patriot of Shene Edhil… But I shall repeat my older question to you Kianna, do you still wish to go on a ‘date’ with me? So we can get to know each other better?”

When he asked me again, I made my decision. And it is a yes, even though at that time we just met, I pretty much fell for him. Not only appearance wise, but I was certain he was a nice and pleasant person to be with. So I said yes to him.

>>53286483
Dude you post this every other thread, no-one's going to write your smut for you.

>>53286504
>Dude you post this every other thread

What do you mean? I haven't posted this often in the previous threads. Also who says it has to be smut?

It could just be the POV of a guy who's in a jaccuzi bath with female friends.

>>53286504
To be fair, I've never see that pic before in a Storythread.

>no-one's going to write your smut for you.
yeah, based in historical trends you may well be wrong about that.

She was betrothed to the lord of darkness. He was promised to the queen of light. For all their lives they stayed on their own side, night and day, content with their fate, never knowing to ask for more.

But oftentimes he lingered behind, to see the moon and the stars. And every once in a while she skipped ahead, so that she might look upon the red sky as the sun set. Then one evening, they both took the occasion at the same time.

Much of the meeting went to simply standing there and looking at one another, in silence. Only four words were ever exchanged, right at the very end, as the encroaching darkness swallowed her, and the final ray of the sun snatched him away:

”Let us meet again.”

And from that moment on, she hurried forward every night, and he stayed back every day. There in the border of twilight they spoke, and they laughed, and they cried, and they came to rethink their lives.

The wedding approached. It was to be at the exact same time for them both – at solstice, summer for one side of the world, winter for the other. Three days and nights before that, they met, and they had both firmly decided they no longer wished to go.

”But what can we do?”, he asked, nearly despairing. ”How can we avoid our fates?”

She, more determined than him, spoke: ”We do what I always do to see you. We run.”

And they ran.

>>53287057
>>53287057
They ran to chase the sun, yet never to catch it. They ran to avoid being overtaken by the stars, yet never to truly elude them. When she tripped, he picked her up and carried her until she could go on again. When his feet failed him and his chest burned, she returned the favor.

They kept to the twilight, where neither side had that much power, and they crossed the entire globe, twice, in as many days. They ran right past all the mountains and the forests and the castles they had in the past stayed in for a longer time. They fled right across the ocean, having little time to go around. If they had to choose between northwest or southwest, they always went with the former.

Never once did they stop to rest, though by the end of the second day they both sorely needed it.

Her breath was heavy. ”It is today,” she said, ”or for me, tonight. Just one more round.”

”And we are nearly at the north pole,” he added, hope growing in him. ”It is the polar night. The sun barely ever comes up here. We have far less ground we must cover to keep up.”

They smiled to one another, held hands for support and warmth, and prepared to run once more. Soon this would be over and they could relax.

But then a third voice spoke:

”Well, you two have spent so much time here, away from my siblings!”, spoke the duke of dusk. ”And yet why would you wish to do that? 'Tis such a momentous time for both of you!”

File: from_your_corpses__we_will_rise_by_zhange000-db9eb20.jpg (157KB, 1024x768px) Image search: [Google]

157KB, 1024x768px

These petty wars have gone for too long.
Every other night, another old man claiming the authority to judge for another country declares war on some other country for another absurd reason. We have had wars over land, over faith, over privilege, over an offensive word, over the right to declare war. It seems like every day these men keep finding another inane reason to keep dividing mankind further. This world has strayed so far from God's light, blinded by its feckless hedonism that it has gone down such a path.

It is with this reason that we, the Church of the Last Nail, have resorted to calling an Angel, one of God's chosen servants, to put an end to this madness. This world needs to be shown what a real authority can do, how a real authority can end wars. It will not be through protest, for those have never resulted in success. Petitions are always ignored by these authorities, The only way they can listen anymore is through war, so we shall give them a war. With the might of the One True God beside us, there is no way we can be ignored.

Already, we have had results. Soldiers who have heard our threats came to our church to silence our faith and prove our Angel a myth. What they did not expect was to see our heavenly soldier of feathered wings and pure white hair. They had no way to stop something that could not feel their bullets, no protection against a stake that pierced the hearts of the nonbelievers. The church grounds ran with the blood of these heathens, but then the Angel began gathering it among herself. Each river began slowly flowing upwards, like rivers in the air. Our guardian claimed that this blood could be purified to become the blood of the faithful, truly a miraculous thing.
Our proclamation that we could end this war has also brought about believers, weary souls desperately hoping that we could finally achieve some peace for our grieving world. The Angel tests these souls, ensuring that their resolve is strong and their hearts true for God.

>>53255522
Okay, I've done the next bit now. I don't know if this section was just easier, but there weren't any parts I didn't understand this time (at least, I think so), so I think your summary at the beginning was actually very helpful.

------

The icy wetness of the rain woke Sana. I'm not dead, she decided. She opened her eyes and saw over her a thick, arboreal canopy. Directly above her there was a gaping hole in the branches. She bit her lower lip and shuddered. Moist foliage beneath her rustled.

Rait...

She crossed her arms in from of her face and sobbed. My arm... she realised, shocked. Through her blurred vision she looked at her right arm. It consisted of a black material, which flowed in slow motion like honey, starting at her shoulder. Then she felt a coolness on her skin, and looked down at her chest. Right in the middle of her shirt there was a round hole, with singed edges. And in the hole, where her skin, flesh and heart should have been... a black mass that filled the cavity between her ribs. It pulsed and beat like a real heart.

Sana let herself fall back again, and stared at the grey clouds. Maybe I'll just lie here and wait for the end, she thought. Whatever you are, you saved my life.

'I can do even more for you.' said a voice in her head. It was the same one that had spoken to her when Rait appeared. Who are you? Sana asked mentally.

'I am the the Raven Spirit and I live in this artefact.' the voice replied.

And you're my arm and my heart now? Sana thought.

'Without me, you would have no heart and would die. That's the truth.' Sana stood up and shivered, freezing. She saw some rocks in the clearing, overgrown with moss, which formed an overhang that she could shelter under. She drew a deep breath of the fresh forest air, and wiped her tears away. 'I'm offering you a pact.' said the voice.

And if I refuse I die? I'm not really likely to survive without you as my heart.

'I offer you guidance and wisdom in what you pursue.'

>>53289569

What I pursue? Sana thought of Rait and the shooters. That was not the Rait she had known. She was different now. As if she were possessed. Cold, dead, as if she were being controlled, Sana thought. I must save her.

Whatever you're offering, I'll take it. How can I save Rait? asked Sana.

'I neither know who Rait is, nor how you can save her. But what I can give you are powers... turn around.'

Sana did as she was told, and froze in fear. Between the trees rested a brawny mass. Standing on short hind legs, sporting long, thick arms. The animalistic face had a squashed-in nose, and slobber dripped from a mouth lined with powerful fangs. It sniffed the air loudly, and growled.

'Are you ready to take the pact?' the voice in her head asked. A simple "Yes" was all the answer she gave it.

The beast advanced through the trees. Thick drops of water beaded on its leathery green skin. Long, dirty claws dug into the ground.

You can start any time..., Sana said mentally to the Raven spirit.

'You have had the powers since the moment you touched the ring.'

Panic spread though Sana and she turned and started to run. The beast howled and the deep rumbling echoed between the trees. 'WHAT DO I DO' screamed Sana mentally. She swung herself over a fallen tree-trunk and slid down a small slope. At the bottom she quickly rolled over a rock on her left and ducked behind it. Pounding footsteps followed.

'Control your fear. Use your fear. Your fear will protect you.'

A tree broke and crashed down the embankment beside her.

'Channel them, use their intensity, their raw strength, and give them form. Use your will.'

I have to survive and save Rait, Sana thought. A huge claw gripped the rock above her with a crunch. A grotesque face peered over the rock, dark eyes looking down at her. Sana couldn't bear the sheer terror. She struck out with her right arm and the blackness exploded from it. It grabbed the beast by the head and hurled it backwards.

>>53289588

It rolled down the hill, yelping, and broke several smaller trees before it hit a thick trunk. The tree shuddered, and leaves drifted down onto the monster. Total rage rose up in it, and it roared so loudly that the foliage around them rustled.

I understand, thought Sana. She looked down at her hand, which had now taken the form of a claw. Then, fuelled by her own fear, she let the darkness grow until she had finally sheathed her entire body in it.

Then she straightened up and roared back. Her voice was loud and distorted, and new fear gripped Sana.

The green beast twitched, and fled whimpering. It's pounding soon disappeared between the trees.

Relieved, Sana exhaled, and the blackness around her disintegrated. Joy spread through her and she clenched her fists. 'Yes!' she exclaimed, smiling. Did you see that? she asked mentally. But there was no answer. Her arm was now wearing a rainbow-coloured shimmer, like the ring she had found in the black cylinder. Raindrops trickled silently off it.

Sana stood still for a short while to calm down, waiting until her breathing and heartbeat had returned to normal. A cold chill ran over her back, her clothes were now clinging to her skin. I need warmth, she thought. She could pull herself up onto some branches.

After strenuous climbing she finally reached the crown of a tree, where the branches were too thin to climb any further. But it was high enough that she could see through the surrounding canopy. Immediately she saw that in one direction lay a high mountain range. Not too far away. In the opposite direction the forest seemed to stretch forever. Behind her, however, she noted something interesting. Smoke, she realised.


------


Is anyone else reading this? I'd be interested to know what other people think of this story (and of my translation, if you speak German)

>>53289362
Those deemed pure joined our ranks as we continued our protest against the futile wars of mankind. Eventually, we gathered enough followers that we decided to overthrow the surrounding state the Church resided in. With the our Angel strengthening our bodies and minds against the physical weapons arrayed against us by the police and reserves, we had little challenge in our conquest. Divine Weapons and tireless power put a stop to their enforcers and our belief reduced their weapons to playthings. Truly, the Angel blessed us with victory in God's name.

We declared ourselves the Nation of God, a sign of rebellion against a secular, faithless world. We opened our sanctuary to all who believed like we do that all this war had to stop. As its shepherds, we of the Church of the Last Nail, have taken up the duty of its defenders against the countless heathens that will no doubt oppose our righteous cause. More Angels have descended to walk amongst the faithful, emboldened by our crusade for God's children.

It is only a matter of time before the world believes in God once more, and on that day, we will be free of the madness that has become so commonplace. To all who hear this message and seek God's love, join us. Our doors and hearts are open to all who are truly God's Children. To those who do not yet know of God's light, we will find you, and we will make sure you love Him as we do. To those who have declared war against His righteous kingdom, we only offer a message: Run. We will not stop our mission until your selfish ilk are driven from our earth, and we will reclaim the land you have stolen from Our Father. You will have nowhere to hide.

We are the Nation of God. We are the only bastion of faith. We bring the last war the world will ever see, and we wage it in the name of He Who Is Holiest.
Beware Us.

Posts

>>53287072
>>53287057
There is something that really caught up my attention about this one. I think it has quite a lot of issues (I'll try to put them into words if I can later on), but there is something refreshingly mythological and archetypal about it.
Will we see more of it?

>>53302176
Probably not. It was just something I did as quick practice, in the span of about half an hour.

That'd explain all the issues you saw in it as well.

>>53284548
“That’s great Kianna. My shift will be done by four in the afternoon.”

He said gladly as I too was happy. “As for me, I’ll be done within four-thirty. I’ll just be going back to churning the butter. And I think you have lunch with your colleges?”

“Why yes, see you later Kianna.”

And off he went to Elsa’s Pub where he and his colleges were having lunch and I went back to my daily work. Once the late afternoon at that day reached we both met once again as he was still dressed in his service uniform and armor, but did not have his helmet with him.

“I see we’re both just in time, and it’s quite a pleasant sunset eh?” As he said that, it was true. The sun setting was a beautiful orange gold that time.

“Why yes, so where do you plan on dating?”

I asked him as he told me. “No where really specific, just a stroll around these outskirts. Just to be safe and not wander into the woods you know? And perhaps find a spot just for you and me to sit and admire the sunset? And perhaps I get to kiss you too?”

“Awww how lovely of you Lars, you cheeky and romantic of you.” And so I and Lars went on our way, taking a stroll around the villages in the outskirts of Heiruu. We simply strolled around while holding hands, exchanging personal tales; some of which are funny ones, some also just stories we make up to entertain one another. Funny enough me and Lars have bumped into other Heiruu citizens and his elven comrades who’re couples as Lars’ elven colleges gave him encouragement, and some Heiruu townspeople who were coupled with an elf also complimented on how I had an attractive half-elven man holding me.

Then after some minutes of strolling while holding hands, I and Lars found our little spot near the river bank which we can sit on and take in the view of the sunset. Quite cliché and typical as far as most romance settings and scenarios go.

>>53247273
Author of >>53245802 >>53245808 >>53245909 >>53245916 >>53284548 >>53302399 here.

Sorry for the late reply. But as far as expositions go, I was simply doing the character's narration of what transpired and POV. Or is that also considered exposition? But I swear someone else did a similar style.

>>53302313
Shame.
The lack of polish is pretty obvious, quite a few sentences sound awkward in that "I did not know how the sentence would end when I started writing it" but these things are always fairly easy to solve in post. The use of celestial bodies, and the fairytale/myth like tone and simplifications set up a fairly strong allure.
I was curious where would it go, hoping that it would eventually tie up into some real kind of natural or celestial phenomena. It all reminded me a bit of tales like the Tanabata story.

>>53302571
I'm glad you liked it, but I wasn't really ever planning to keep it going. The sudden emergence of a new character was a twist ending more than anything, and anything that'd happen after that was to be left to the reader's imagination.

>>53302526
>Or is that also considered exposition?
While the concept of exposition does not have strict definition, but generally speaking it's where the plot itself stops in order to provide with (hopefully necessary) collection of secondary info that the audience needs to know in order to make sense of the plot.

>>53302590
The last few sentences were, I think, the most confusing part of it. It made it feel like it's going to start explaining, like there is some crucial part of information missing, which is why I assumed the story would go on. Maybe a small alteration of the final lines could make it feel much more closed...

>>53302594
Well thanks pal, but since you're around here. What you think so far of my lil' tale I'm basing off an image of a half-elf soldier guy hitting on a milk maid?

>>53302629
Haven't read it yet (I'm really not giving these threads much lately, this one story just immediately caught my attention for some reason). I'll try to get around to it in a bit.

Gonna advertise my "newest" story so far from previous pre-mature killed thread again:

>>53209435
>>53209450
>>53209462
>>53209475
>>53209499
>>53209512
>>53209525
>>53209539
>>53209552
>>53209560

Asking for any feedback or thoughts. Thank you.

>>53302684
If we're bringing up stuff from earlier threads, then I suppose I could throw mine here again as well, see if someone else might read it and like it:
https://pastebin.com/YA4mChKF

>>53307422
Sometimes it's hard to tell, given the advancements of humanity in the last few thousand years or so, what really is "Man's Best Friend".
Opinions are generally divided on the matter and things given the honor of being referred to as "Man's Best Friend" can be anything. Some say booze; some say women; some say guns; some say science and more than you'd think say dogs.
Personally, I find all of them to be worthy of the spot and so can't say that I have a specific preference over one or the other.
But right now, that suits me just fine. Because, y'see. I'm sitting here, surrounded on all sides by "Man's Best Friend". Some would call my situation hell, but honestly there is nowhere I'd rather be than right here.
With by Bitch of a partner, my booze, my highly-mobile big fucking gun strapped to a moving mass of metal and the science that made it all possible. Everybody else can squabble over what deserves the title of "Man's Best Friend" but honestly, why do they feel the need to be so exclusive?
Me? I've got all of Man's Best Friends right here for another four years.
Cheers.

>>53304752
"Incredible" she said, as she watched her creations leave the gates of the frozen city. The ice at her feet the reason for the name, aside for the perpetual winter they faced each day.
The naming was hard, sure the state had already given them an official name and designation but that was never any fun, nor was it satisfying in any way. She had worked hard in their creation, their design was the lovechild of a childhood dream she had. One of White Knights to scour the lands in search of evil to snuff out, in search of innocents to rescue, in search of a doll to return to a child forced to flee their home to escape the savage conflicts that arise the world over.
"George" she muttered, calling to the one in front of the machine's march. "You are George, the oldest brother. Of all, you are surely the most gallant". Affirming his name and his personality. To her, George was her first son and would ensure that all were as siblings to him just the way she would raise her own flesh and blood.
By the time George had passed the second and third had already rolled by too. She hadn't had time to name them. But she did so anyway, in the back of her mind. They were the twins, Percival and Galloway, impatient and always ready to storm a problem head-on. "Surely, you will be fine on your travels" she said, under her breath. Watching as each of the machines continued on their way, ignorant of their mother as she stood with iced eyes in the cold night. The Mother understood that she had given up the right to give them names when she accepted the state's proposal.
Officially they were called L.A.N.C.E.R.S. and then given another designation of L.A.N.-01 through L.A.N.-09.
The people had named them Crushers. Designed to roll over and crush everything under their heavy tread.
The Mother wished she could call them Knights.

>>53302733
Did you say this was the first chapter of your novel? Have you got an overview of the whole thing? Because it would help to get some context.

>>53315910
To be honest that's a bit alarming, because I've always been on the opinion that the first chapter should tell the reader all the context they need. Give them a good overview on what the story is going to revolve around.

In essence it's your fairly standard Hero's Journey. The main character is a useless little shit who's never seen the wider outside world but would much like to. So he goes out there, meets some friends, gets into danger, and has to fake being this great and esteemed hero throughout that whole time until - surprise surprise - he becomes worthy of filling those boots.

In the previous thread I was told it seemed like a pretty standard story with nothing much truly special in there. And yeah, I suppose it is. But I don't see this as a horribly bad thing - I feel that so long as you've got interesting and remotely novel characters, you can make even a standard story work. A lot of others in this thread, or in writing forums elsewhere, are trying really hard to be innovative and unique, and in my opinion it all comes to fall flat more often than not. I think I'd rather stick to the standard story until I get better at writing, myself.

>>53302399
As we sat in our cozy little spot I could feel both of us getting closer to each other, closer and closer until we both our bodies made contact. We looked at each other and smiled, good god I will never stop emphasizing how gorgeous his smile is, then he spoke.

"So I guess this is the part where we kiss?" I was slightly surprised he asked that, honestly I never, ever kissed a person before and we both just met each other just earlier that day and now he suggest we make out? Not that I was offended, by all means I was actually eager. And wondered how those luscious part-elven lips of his tasted like. And despite the fact that he just met in a day that time, my lust and curiosity got the better of me and all I could say was.

"Yes, I'd actually love to... But this is my first time and well, I never kissed before."

"Well okay, don't worry Kianna. I'll go easy."

Then it happened, we both slowly neared our faces to each other. And we kissed, lips to lips. Mouth to mouth, and complete with tongue. It was amazing, and we kissed for nearly and hour and a half, an hour and half it was amusing I actually kept track of that time.

Alas even though our make out session lasted that long, we eventually stopped and let go of each other.

"...Wow, oh my gosh just... Wow. That felt really good Lars. I never knew a kiss felt and even, tasted that good."

>will continue soon

>>53244753
Yay, wiki update happened!

Roland was awakened from his sleep by the sounds of men and horses marching near his tent.

It must be the forces of the King of Alemar, he thought to himself. I had heard they were coming and would arrive sometime soon.

Sure enough, when Roland poked his head outside the tent, he saw a mass of soldiers bearing the Alemarian eagle upon their surcoats parading through the camp. At the front rode the King himself, adorned in golden armor, atop which sat a small yet magnificent crown befitting the ruler of the largest human nation on Earth.

Roland moved back into his tent and began to dress for battle.

There must be at least two thousand of them, he thought. With this, we shall surely defeat our enemies.

Indeed, with the contributions made by the Kingdom of Fracera, the Holy State, and the Grand Duchy of Vichia, the crusading army numbered about seven thousand strong. Such an alliance between the normally hostile nations was only made possible by the growing threat posed by the growing power of the drow of the Ayumid Sultanate.

Roland’s thoughts drifted from the war to his home and to his beloved Melisende. Although he had only been away from her for a few months, it felt like an eternity. He longed to be in her embrace once more and to live the life of peace that they had always wanted. As he strapped on his silver armor, emblazoned with the blue cross signifying his family, he remembered how Melisende would run up to him after his return from a campaign and dash into his arms. As he pulled back his blond hair and covered his head with mail coif and great helm, he thought of how she used to touch him delicately with her smooth, small hands during their nights together. He looked down at the golden cross around his neck, and he remembered their last meeting together.

>>53331425
Upon hearing the news of the Holy Crusade against the drow in the East, Melisende had been overcome with grief. She had heard of the horrors that awaited the brave souls that journeyed there, and, because Roland was bound to serve the Kingdom of Fracera and the Holy Cross, he would be forced to face those terrors as well. She begged him not to go, to remain with her and find some excuse to escape from this predicament. He knew that his position as a knight would not allow him to do that, but he attempted to console her, saying that this campaign would last for only a few short months and that the Holy Land would easily be reclaimed from the drow. Still, she continued to cry and beg. Finally, he slowly bent down and bowed his head to her. He swore that he would make it through this trial and that he would not let the fire of their love be extinguished. He would return to her. She looked down at him, eyes full of sympathy and sorrow. She turned toward the desk behind her, where she retrieved a plain golden cross and handed it to him. This was her blessing to Roland, she said, and it would help him fulfill his promise and keep him safe. The two of them embraced one last time, and he set off aboard a ship bound for eastern shores.

Roland remembered his promise, and he declared that he would keep it, no matter what the cost. He stepped outside and mounted his horse, sword in sheath and armed with lance and shield, ready to do his duty to God and King.
...

“Sister, wake up!” Shahira was woken by her little sister fiercely shaking her out of her slumber.

“What? What is it, Hadiyya?” she asked, rubbing her eyes and peering up at her sibling.

>>53331449
“The soldiers are moving out! We’re going to march!” Hadiyya exclaimed. The youth of about sixteen years of age was already fully awake at this point and dressed in traditional drow armor, though it may have been a little too large for her. She flashed a massive grin at her sister, who was dragging her slender black body out of bed.

“I figured that’s what had you so excited,” Shahira said, tying her long white hair back into a ponytail. This would be Hadiyya’s first battle, a rite of passage from child to adult for all drow. Couple that with the fact that this battle would be the one where the Ayumids would finally have a chance of forcing the human invaders out of their homeland, and Hadiyya was perfectly justified in her anticipation of what was to come.

“Finally, I can fight back against the humans and make them pay for their evil ways!” Hadiyya proclaimed with a touch of anger in her voice. Shahira didn’t blame her. As a veteran soldier of the Sultan’s Elite Guard, she had witnessed firsthand the brutality of the crusading forces and their lack of honor and decency. She wished more than ever to defeat them, and now, with a grand army of drow from all over the Sultanate, there was finally a shot.

Shahira began to get dressed, placing her steel plate armor furnished with extravagant symbols and markings upon her chest and fastening on her riding boots. As she prepared, she looked at Hadiyya. Her sister’s armor was far less polished than her own, but it was sturdy and would keep her safe in battle. Hadiyya had never seen the dangers of war, and, as her sole living relative, it was Shahira’s job to keep her safe. Their father had been killed in battle against a smaller human invasion ten years prior, and their mother succumbed to illness a short while later. Shahira and Hadiyya were the only ones there for each other, and the former intended to make sure that they would never leave one another’s side.

>>53331481
As Shahira snapped on her cone-shaped helmet, Hadiyya suddenly ran up and hugged her.

“What’s this? Are you scared already?” Shahira questioned in a playful tone. Hadiyya laughed and looked up at her.

“Shahira, we’ll make it out of this together, right?” she asked. Shahira looked down at her sister, her pride and joy.

“Of course. Now, let’s go.” With that, the two of them stepped outside and mounted their horses, preparing for war.
…

Roland looked out across the Raduid Plains from atop his noble white steed. He was surrounded by thousands of his countrymen and the soldiers of other human kingdoms. Facing them was a large force of drow, armed to the teeth and ready to destroy this army of light and holiness. The King of Alemar, who had been selected as the battlefield leader of this campaign, rode out in front of the men, delivering some grandiose address aimed at capturing their hearts and souls and boosting their morale. Roland paid him little mind, instead occupying his time with thoughts of Melisende. He glanced down at the cross, and he swore that his promise would not go unfulfilled. He would fight through any army to make it back to her, and nothing would stop him.

Finally, the King finished his speech. Now came the moment the men had been waiting for. Roland tightened his grip on his lance and held his shield closer to his body. He held his mount steady and prepared for the order to charge.
...

Across the battlefield, Shahira saw the human leader address his followers. She drew her curved blade and readied her shield. The sword had been a gift from her sister from when Shahira first joined the Guard, and she carried it with her in every battle she had fought in since. It remained her most treasured possession and a testament to her love of her sister.

>>53331497
She turned and looked at Hadiyya, who had quieted down now that the battle was upon them. The sheer size of the battle no doubt startled the youth a little. “Stay close to me,” Shahira whispered to her sister. Hadiyya nodded, steadying an arrow on her bow. She had always been a little better at archery than her sword-wielding sister. It would do her well here.

The trumpets sounded from behind the lines, and Shahira prepared to protect her sibling and to stay with her at any cost.
...

The calm before the storm seemed to go on for an eternity. Roland held his breath, waiting for the order to be given. His helmet hid the sweat that poured from his face as he stood on guard for the battle to commence.
…

Shahira swallowed slowly as she waited. Her entire life had built up to this moment and what would soon follow, and time seemed to flow by as slowly as possible. She waited and waited and waited…
…

“CHARGE!”

With that, the human army rushed forward towards their hated enemy. With the King of Alemar in front, thousands of mounted knights stormed forth, sand flying everywhere in their midst. Roland, despite the distraction caused by the sand, remained focused on the enemy and took up a position towards the front of the pack as the two armies mobbed together.
…

Shahira saw the humans charge and heard that final trumpet signifying the order to move out. With her sister and thousands of comrades by her side, she urged her black steed forward into a mad dash towards the crusaders. As she quickly approached the enemy line, she prepared her trusty blade for battle, and her sister pulled her bowstring back to fire as soon as the forces collided.
…

>>53331515
Roland felt the immense weight of the clash within his very soul. The sounds of frantic running had been replaced by screams of dying men and the clanging of metal on all sides. He nonetheless continued onward toward the drow host and crashed into them, spearing a horse archer with his lance. The man, Roland’s first kill of the day, fell from his horse as Roland galloped along the field to find another opponent.

He soon found one, a burly drow dressed in bright royal attire. He was most likely an emir or some other form of nobility, but such distinctions did not concern Roland. He urged his horse forward and engaged the drow. The drow’s lance glanced Roland’s shield arm, prompting a slight wince from the veteran knight, but Roland managed to slam his lance through his enemy’s arm, shattering through the limb and sending the royal to the ground. Roland turned to look at him and saw that he was dead, presumably killed by the impact of the fall. He peered at the soldier’s face. It looked strangely peaceful.

Perhaps this drow and I are not so different. Perhaps he had a loved one at home as well, he reflected as the battle raged on around him.
…

Shahira pulled her blade out from the corpse of an enemy horseman and turned to look for Hadiyya. Her sister was just a few yards away from her, having just finished off another knight with an arrow to the neck. Shahira breathed a sigh of relief. Her sibling was safe for now, and that was all that mattered.

“Die, infidel!” shouted a booming voice. Shahira was snapped out of her thoughts just long enough for her to duck out of the way of the mace of an enemy soldier. He brought his weapon back around towards her, but she parried with her blade and moved her horse out of harm’s way. Turning to face her foe, she saw that he was no ordinary warrior as evidenced by his gold plated armor and jeweled crown.

>>53331532
This is perfect, she thought to herself. This man is undoubtedly a nobleman, so by slaying him, I’ll cause his troops to lose heart.

With this thought in mind, she charged forward and re-engaged the enemy leader. There came a great clashing of steel as mace and sword flew off one another. The human’s mace had more power behind it, but Shahira’s agility and mastery of the sword gave her the upper hand. She maneuvered her blade and cut straight across her opponent’s pelvis. He toppled off his horse and fell to the dirt. She raised her blade and proclaimed her victory, hoping that news of it would reach all those around her, heartening her allies and frightening her enemies. In her jubilation, she turned back to look for Hadiyya, but she could not see her sister.
…

THWAP!

“Augh!” Roland exclaimed as he writhed in pain. Lost in thought, he had failed to observe the battle and had been struck with an arrow in the shoulder. Fortunately, it was not a serious wound, and he pulled the arrow out. Prodding his steed to move and face the enemy, he saw the drow who shot him. They were petite and somewhat feminine in appearance with a rather plain suit of armor. Seeing that their work wasn’t done, they drew another arrow and prepared to fire again. Roland raised his shield and charged forward towards his assailant.
…

“Hadiyya!” Shahira shouted frantically as she roamed through the battlefield looking for her beloved sister. She dodged corpses and duelists all over the landscape. Praying that nothing had happened to her beloved sibling, her sole remaining family member, she raced onward.

>>53331547
Suddenly, she stopped. There was Hadiyya, blood dripping down her armor. Through her abdomen was the lance of an enemy knight, and upon her face was a strange and saddening look. It was not the face of anger, or sorrow, or even fear. It was pure shock, a look of innocence that had been crushed too soon and too quickly by the cruel force of reality. Shahira had been robbed of her darling little Hadiyya, her only light in this world. Her feelings of sorrow and suffering soon turned to anger and rage directed solely at her sister’s murderer whose blue-crossed armor shimmered in the sun. She forgot all about the battle around them. This conflict was between the two of them now.
…

Roland withdrew his lance from the body of his attacker only to find himself being stared down by an extravagantly dressed drow warrior atop a sleek black mount a few yards away. In comparison to the infidel who attacked him earlier, this one gave off the air of a warrior who was well-accustomed to battle. Suddenly, the horseman let out a fierce shriek, which caused Roland to jump a little. It appeared as though the drow he had just slain had relations with the one who stood before him now, and the later was yearning for vengeance in the name of the former. Roland readied his lance and charged his enemy, who also moved towards him, swinging a curved blade around their head.
...

Burning with fury, Shahira prepared to deliver divine justice to her sister’s murderer. She suspected that, given the way the enemy’s lance was angled, the knight would try to unhorse her, allowing him to have the advantage. The veteran warrior would not fall for that trick, and she had prepared countermeasures in case of such an event. Sure enough, the human aimed his weapon at the maiden’s horse. Seeing this, Shahira leaped from her steed at the last second and grabbed the knight, dragging him off with her onto the ground to continue their duel.
…

>>53331563
Roland was caught off guard by the sheer ferocity of his opponent’s attack, but it did not last long. He dropped his lance and threw his enemy off of him, sending the drow flying off a few feet away. The enemy’s helmet went spiraling off their head, revealing, to Roland’s dismay, a woman. She was beautiful, there was no doubt about that, but her expression, contorted with rage, masked any semblance of grace or charm. Roland was temporarily taken aback by this revelation. He had heard that these savages sent their women to war, but he assumed that to be a mere rumor. Now, one of these infidel women stood before him, ready for battle. Still sneering at Roland, she grabbed her blade and shield from off the ground and ran towards him. She swung her sword, barely missing Roland’s helmet. The knight responded by slamming his shield into the drow’s face, sending her back a few feet and drawing blood. He drew his sword and charged his opponent, who quickly recovered from the blow and brought her blade down onto Roland’s shield. He pushed the attack away and stabbed his weapon deep into the drow’s shoulder. She yelped in pain but did not fall, instead slamming her shield into Roland, causing him to fall back and dislodging his sword.
…

>>53331580
Shahira grimaced. She had allowed her enemy to deliver a critical blow to her, and that was both inexcusable as a warrior and insulting to the sister she was seeking vengeance for. However, this was no time to dwell on her mistakes. The human, who had been pushed back by Shahira’s shield, charged her once more. Instead of engaging him like she had done so previously, Shahira now dropped to the ground and slashed upward at her opponent’s elbow. The knight, evidently, did not anticipate this, and stepped back after receiving the wound, dropping his shield. Shahira took this opportunity and tackled her opponent to the ground, sending the knight’s sword spinning away from him. Now on top of him, she prepared to drive her blade straight into his neck, but, in a show of great strength, he kicked her off and scrambled to grab his weapon once more.
…

Now wounded, Roland was beginning to tire. This warrior was one of the most skilled he had faced in a long time, and she stood a good chance of besting him.

Never! he thought to himself as he glanced at the cross around his neck. I promised her that I will return, and that is what I shall do.

Staring straight at his opponent, he raised his sword and charged forward, his eyes set on victory.

Melisende, give me strength.
…

Shahira’s smooth white hair began to flutter around her, her ponytail having been lost in the battle. It blew into her eyes, but even then she remained fixated on the man who had stolen her last ray of light away from her. He was a strong warrior, but her love for her sister was stronger. Shahira raised her sword and, once more letting out a ferocious scream, stormed forth to confront her foe.

Hadiyya, I am sorry.
...

>>53331594
The dust began to settle on the Raduid Plains. A great battle had just been fought there between two grand hosts, each convinced of their own righteousness and the other’s malice. As to who came out the victor during this blood-shedding, that distinction would be left to the history books. For those who died, it really did not matter much. They were gone, and their bodies covered the ground like a swarm of locusts. They rotted away in that place, surrounded by trinkets and relics of all shapes and sizes conveying some clues as to the origin and background of their owners. Swords, shields, helmets, crowns, they were all there, and they all had their own story to tell. And, in the center of the field, lay two items of interest: a golden cross, stained in blood, and a curved blade, broken in two, each one signifying its own story and its own broken promise.

>>53289617
Hey Chronicler/GermanBro

Sorry it took me a while to respond, but I've been medically preoccupied for the past few days.

I'm thoroughly enjoying it, for what it's worth, and think that you're doing a good job of bringing a language that I would love to learn to read into something that I can.

Keep it up? GermanBro, do you mind if i look at the Google doc and just peruse? I won't do anything to or with it, but I want to see how German prose is written.

File: 1439522174_Alpha RaptorX.jpg (825KB, 1702x900px) Image search: [Google]

825KB, 1702x900px

>>53334760
Here is the first chapter in german.
I also put a link to the other german chapters into the document. It's a german fanfiction site. I have written 12 "chapter" so far (25000 words)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fc0WJM5vF9inYXldScMhqZh4G-ZHCqyZkmI8Rb-5fv8/edit?usp=sharing

I am pretty occupiend until the end of the month, so probably will not be around for the time.

Also thanks for all the work Chronicler. Feel free to translate the other chapters if you want.

text bump

>>53321668
"Mhhmmm, glad you loved it dear... But I must go now, I better head back to my barracks. Me and my elven comrades have a sleeping schedule. But we'll see each other again soon... Maybe after two or three days?" It's still the weekday right now."

"...Heheh, I suppose so Lars. Well I better get a good night's sleep too, it was nice just being with you. Good night."

"Good night to you too Kianna."

Then we parted ways for now. Both of us did our thing in working our shifts during the weekend, him doing guard related duties in regards of the construction of that elven embassy. And me, churning butter and occasionally milking cows. Finally when the weekend came we saw each other again, dated by spending dinners at the evening together, sharing stories, and just making out.

Me and Lars continued this routine for weeks, just spending our dates conversing, strolling in the fields of the outskirts, sharing more stories, and the love making. Until one day in a weekend night, we decided to do it for real, actual love making: sex. The night I lost my virginity to dashing half-elf man, after days and or evenings of getting to know each other well and making out we had sex and I loved that first time. Though he did not impregnate me yet as either of us were ready to have a child or children yet, not to mention that he still lived in his homeland Shene Edhil.

But while he and I were still connected to each other's reach, I cherished it. And I absolutely loved it when he suckles and sucks on breasts like a baby. Just having a half-elf man such as himself melting in my arms and sucking my teats was euphoric.

>>53311137
He’d found it in among the trashed biomass, between the food waste and the field of teeth. When he’d tried to touch it, it had excreted on his hand. And when he’d leveled his Recycler at it, it had begun to whine.

Fortyone tapped his mic, "Hey Six?"

"What is it?"

"I got a thing here," it trotted around him in a tight circle, its hair matted and knotted, its nose dull with the compressed gunk of the junkyard.

"Details?"

"Well," Fortyone knelt down, "It's small. It's covered in hair... I thought it was a pile of used scalps to begin with, but then it started yelping. When I reached out to touch it, it... Wet me? Or something. Excreted on me. Now it's walking around in circles and whining."

"Not details about the thing, Fortyone. Fuck." Fortyone bit his tongue, stupid, stupid, his goggles started to steam up at the edges, "Details about your location, Fortyone."

"Ahh..." Fortyone fumbled between his Recycler and his Locator, "Ah... Junkyard Fifteen-C, about third quadrant."

"Junkyard," Six repeated, as though it were an especially pithy statement. The thing stopped circling him, started instead to scratch itself vigorously with one of its hind-limbs. One long ear broke free from the matted hair. This task completed, it extruded its wet, pink tongue and began to pant, watching Fortyone watch it.

Six affected a sigh, "If you're in a junkyard, Fortyone, then it's junk. Recycle it."

"Roger," Fortyone put down his Locator, hefted his Recycler. The thing started to whine at him again, two wet black eyes drilling into him from out beneath the matted hair, the pink tongue tasting the air around its muzzle the way it had tasted his hand.

Fortyone lowered his Recycler. Frowned. Raised it again.

"Sorry fella," He said, and squeezed the trigger. It flashed out of existence. Fortyone consoled himself, as he collected the quivering globs of bio-material, that whatever it had been, now it might be formed by the Market into something useful... Like a pet.

Can I just post my actual short fiction here? Or does it have to be some project based off these pictures, or are those just inspiration? It's stuff I've tried to have published professionally or plan to try and publish professionally. These threads are just going to 404 and get sorted into huge ass archives, no ones gonna really search for that shit.

>>53342744
/lit/ might be a better target audience. Not to say that you can't, just to say that it's off-thread and might not be met with the same enthusiasm that it would receive in a /lit/ critique or sffg thread.

>>53342980
That's fair enough. It's all spooky horror stories, not like actual respectable literary fiction, but I don't want to go off topic either if this is more brainstorming and stuff.

>>53342744
>Or does it have to be some project based off these pictures, or are those just inspiration?
Nope, doesn't have to be anything to do with the pictures just so long as it's vaguely /tg/ related. I guess the basic guide is: could you plausibly include it in a tabletop roleplaying game? (generally this just means having a sci-fi or fantasy theme, but if even that's too constraining for you, really it could mean anything you want if you use your imagination).

>It's all spooky horror stories, not like actual respectable literary fiction, but I don't want to go off topic either if this is more brainstorming and stuff.
you are more than welcome here, although if it's all horror stories /x/ might appreciate it as well. Hell, you could post it on /tg/, /lit/ and /x/ and see which gives you the better response.

>>53342980
>telling authors they might be better off on /lit/
Aw, come on dude, it's hard enough to get people to write for these threads as it is.

>>53343271
In all honesty, I'm not really looking for prose critique or anything (unless someone wants to say something), I just wanna spook folks and /tg/ is a creative board that I feel is more receptive to that kind of stuff. Plus it means that generally the rest of the story works if the creeps get to you. I might spread them around, depends, it sounds weird, but I kind of trust /tg/.

As for making it /tg/ related, people run horror campaigns and maybe this stuff might help people in that, I'd love that. I have a story or two I'll dig out and post here.

>>53312595
>Do you trust me?

Despite the rapid pace of my heartbeat and my mind flooding, I couldn't find any reason that could explain how this was coming to pass. I could think of no reason that Yui, my close friend, had gotten a hold of a pistol, nor why she had it aimed right at my head. No words could escape from my mouth, only choked breaths.

I don't remember anything that could possibly point to Yui having a criminal background. She was a friend in the neighborhood since I had moved in a few years ago. She always hung out with me, she laughed at all my bad jokes, and when I asked if we could go out sometime, she actually accepted. Never once did I think she did something out of some bad intentions against me. It wasn't like I was even trying to take advantage of her either, all we did together was either eat or study for classes.

The more I think of it, the more I realize that there's still so much about Yui I don't know about. We don't go to the same school, but I've never been able to see her at school. Whenever I came to her apartment, she was always alone. I know nothing about her family as a result, so I don't know if they somehow put her up to this because of something I unwittingly did.

I can feel my heart literally pounding a mile a minute. My head feels like it's in a vise. I can't hear anything. My eyes can't move. I can only look at this girl I had thought to be my best friend and how she would pull that trigger. I was going to die.

>Do you trust me?

I hear that question again. My breath was growing ragged now. I had so many things still going as I realized that these breaths would be my last. Somewhere amid those breaths was my last question.

>Why?

Yui looks unfazed. Her grey eyes still focus right on mine. Her finger closes on the trigger.

>You don't have to say a thing. Please, just trust me.

I can't say anything else. There's no way another word can leave my mouth like that. She didn't sound like she wanted to do any of this.

>>53342744
>>53343571
Postin some spookies from my collection then

-

The snow had stopped falling last night. When Frank opened the door of the thin wooden cabin, he was met with a still, pale world. The sky was a faded grey with nary a bump or split to show the sky behind it. For all he knew, that was the sky now. The mountains in the distance were nearly indistinguishable from each other, they were like melting pillars with no real top or bottom, the age-blasted rock bleeding from the vast unshifting white below and at some point vanishing into the slumbering grey. Only the scraggly corpses of the few small trees around the cabin provided any solid colour, and they were a stark black. Frank found he couldn't stare at the scene around him for too long. His eyes unfocused and lost the few minute details of the land. He had stayed in that cabin for two long months, surviving off the salted meat in his pack and boiled snow for water. But he wasn't alone, there wasn't a second now where he was ever alone.

When Frank had first arrived at the cabin, it was a godsend. The winter had fallen heavy that year and during the frequent blizzards out in the country, he had gotten lost in a white-out. When he had emerged, he was here in the vast plain of snow with only the cabin and its dead trees serving as any kind of landmark. Exhausted, he had taken up residence. At first, he believed it had been abandoned. He had knocked on the door several times trying elicit a response from any potential inhabitant. After a few minutes he simply pushed the door open to find a bare but sheltered space.

cont.

>>53344487
cont.

The wind rushed noiselessly down the meagre chimney, throwing particles of snow onto the rough stone floor. Of supplies there had been nearly nothing save for a bundle of rags and furs on a wooden frame for a bed, as well as a small, empty shelf in a corner. Frank had burned the frame over the course of weeks to make a comfortable fire. The cabin's greatest secret, however, had been its basement. It was hidden in the corner with the shelf, which had also been burned. Armed with only a hunting knife, Frank had descended into the basement, which he found to be as spacious as the cabin above. He hadn't liked it one bit. The dark down there was palpable. The light from above, even at midday during light snowfall, did not penetrate into the basement. Frank had brought lengths of wood with lit strips of rags for torches, and each one had been snuffed a few feet in. The first and only thing he saw down there was a desiccated shape some few feet along the left wall, a small pile of rotten linen under which lay something he dared not believe was a human form. It didn't move, it never moved, but he always listened for it. He didn't think he'd hear it if it did, though. It was...deep down there.

A month in, Frank hadn't made any headway finding out exactly where he was. His maps of the area wouldn't exactly note down a single cabin in the vastness, but from where he last knew he was, he figured he was a day's travel from a small town. But if that were the case, he ought to be in a relatively flat area of the country. He shouldn't be able to see mountains. He had taken walks in every direction from the cabin, but could never get very far, and even then finding nothing out there but snow.

cont.

>>53344518
cont.

It never stopped snowing; sometimes it was light, sometimes it was totally obscuring. It piled against the walls of the cabin and he would go out to remove it each day and choose a new direction to walk. His thoughts during those walks were of the basement and of the thing down there, of it moving around out of the basement blindly, into the cabin, infesting the place with dark. He didn't relish the idea of it looking out the misty little panes awaiting his return. He fancied one day he'd be out walking and the snow would worsen, masking his approach to the house, and he'd walk in to see it skittering back down into the dark, or turning to face him, and he could never image just what kind of face it might have. Sometimes he wondered about the dead little trees around the cabin. They were twisted and black, like the thing in the basement. He tried using them as firewood once. They didn't burn.

Frank hadn't been out in days, he had spent them mostly sleeping, listening, but now that the snow had stopped, he had been able to step out and get a fantastic view of his surroundings. The light was diffused, but unobscured by snowfall. If mountains they were, he figured they'd be his best bet as a landmark, keeping himself between the cabin and them. The land was so empty he wouldn't lose sight of the shack so fast. It was either strike out now and find a village, or starve, or freeze, or remain in the cabin with the dark in the basement. Frank went to the fireplace and struck up a new blaze with the last of the firewood. He took a length of the burning wood and set it by a wall where the flames began to creep. He tossed another torch on the flimsy rags he had been calling a bed – he took the animal furs for himself. Frank quickly rubbed his hands over the hearth, slung his pack over his shoulder and walked out the door, leaving it open. Tonight, he would either find signs of civilization or he would have a mighty bonfire all to himself.

End.

>>53344333
I could see it; her eyes didn't look like those of a killer. Her voice wasn't threatening. Even with that, she still had that gun pointed at me. I don't know why, but...I lower my head. I want to see her eyes, to remember the image of Yui's eyes as she pulls that trigger.

I hear the crack of the gun firing.

I feel all of my muscles tensing up like a freezing block.

My eyes open to find Yui still holding that gun. Smoke's rising from the barrel. My hands immediately climb all over my body, trying to probe for any injuries.

>Rei, I'm sorry. You're fine, I promise.

>Yui...what did you do?

>Rei, you're not going to freak out if I say anything, right? You trust me.

I notice Yui's hand grabbing my wrist. Compared to the steady grip she held her gun with, this hand was shaky, as if she used up all her focus on firing that gun.

>Please turn around and whatever you do, please don't scream.

I obey, still frantic. I look behind me and I see...a pool of inky black ichor flooding the ledge we stood on. By the sidewalk, I saw what caused it. It looked terrifying, like some oversized lobster. Now it just looked shriveled up, cracked like tempered glass. I feel myself drawn towards it, like I want to touch it, but I feel her hand tugging at me again.

>You don't want to touch that. It's bad, that thing was on you.

My mouth hangs wide open.

>What? How does that thing just...?

>I...have some secrets I should tell you. That thing is part of it. The gun is part of it. If you still trust me, would you mind if I dropped by your apartment?

I had wanted to spend the date looking at the fireworks. It was the reason I asked her out, after all. However, in the wake of nearly being shot and realizing that something was latched on my head, I really couldn't find a way to say no to Yui.

As we enter the small room I use, Yui immediately takes a seat on my bed.

>Rei, I have to confess. I haven't been very honest with you about my job.

>>53331425
>>53331449
>>53331481
>>53331497
>>53331515
>>53331532
>>53331547
>>53331563
>>53331580
>>53331594
>>53331614
Good story, anon.

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Anon who's been writing those "journal stories" the last three storythreads here. I don't want to keep eating up 5-10 posts every thread/make Chronicler keep screencapping it, so I've moved the stories into a pastebin: https://pastebin.com/rB8AntKf. I'll link it maybe every fourth storythread.

Bump.

>>53347681
You should post in the thread.

First, because we're only 160 posts in and I'd like to hit the bump limit before Friday comes around again.

Secondly, because of course I don't mind screencapping it or I wouldn't do it - and since I've already done the first few stories in your series I'd like to have the rest simply out of a sense of completeness.

Thirdly, I've always had the impression that people are less likely to read something if you only post the link rather than posting in the thread.

Also, I don't really like pastebin's formatting, but maybe that's just me.

>>53346737
I didn't know much about her job, only that the hours were very sparse. Sometimes her boss calls her early that she has to work right after school and she always works till the dead of night. Occasionally she has trouble sleeping and I notice it in class. Aside from those two facts, I don't know a thing.

>Yui, you're my friend, right? I'm not going to be upset.

She smiles as she looks at me. Her eyes look a bit red now, but she's the same Yui. It's enough to calm me down.

>Thanks, Rei. You see, the truth is... I'm a hunter of creatures that live...outside of our reality, in another form of it? It's hard to explain. Well, point is some of these creatures feed off people. They don't hurt people, but they always eat away parts of their minds, and you never know about it. Have you felt like that recently? Anything just...missing?

With the flurry of things just happening, I couldn't really think of it. I wasn't someone who just emoted easily.

>I...don't think I can remember.

>I feared as much. Look, the good news is that you're not gonna have to worry about it anymore. You'll be feeling a lot better in a few days. If you felt afraid of saying anything, feel something new come up, I'll be there.

>Yui, why did you do that?

It was the first question I could ask. Not elegant at all, but I still was making sense of the whole monster-hunter thing she had going on.

>Because it's the family job. My parents hunted monsters, and their parents... We go back a while. I'm still getting used to it, but I convinced my parents to allow me to graduate High School before I take up the family business, but as to why... Well, you're the first person to ever ask me out, Rei.

I took a second to pause there. I actually wasn't expecting that from her. I had honestly felt a bit cheap for springing it on her, so to hear that she actually appreciated that from me actually made me smile a bit.

>I guess I've known about the thing for a while, but...well, it's hard to bring up.

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>>53347800
I'm mostly concerned that taking up up to ten posts every thread is too self-indulgent, especially for something that's not particularly special and that will take a long time to finish at my pace.

>>53350038
“Whdeauhdrng…” Vidt mumbled incomprehensibly, stuck in that half-conscious stage between consciousness and unconsciousness. He seemed to be in better shape than I expected him to be, even accounting for dwarven hardiness.
“Good morning. Well, good afternoon.” I said, pouring him a glass of water from a pitcher I’d set aside. “Hope that bed felt better than this desk chair.”
“...Bhagz?” I refilled the empty glass he clumsily handed back to me.
“You got hammered off your ass last night. Didn’t help that you two were drinking Plova along with the Firehall.” I rushed over to give Vidt a bucket to vomit into, surprisingly enough for the first time since he lost his “contest.”

Apart from the occasional slurred call for “water” or “food” and a number of choice expletives, he wasn’t at all talkative after that.

●●●

It wasn’t until the sun had set that Vidt finally been able to sleep for longer than forty-five minutes, and I was finally able to relax. There are plenty of things I would have rather spent my day doing than giving bedside care to one of Jade’s drinking victims, but I suppose that I didn’t really have anything planned. Apart from hoping to show the party around Fieldsport, I guess.

Although Jannah and Alcance did get to go shopping and sightseeing and whatever with Jade.

Honestly, I’m not completely sure she didn’t plan this.

“Hey!” Greeted Jannah in her usually cheerful tone, when the girls returned from their day out.
“Welcome back.” I replied tiredly, giving more attention to the pages at my fingertips than to them walking through the door. Taking care of Vidt and my rusty Yeldgram made it hard to make any headway into my book, not that I was able to get through much. As I turned the page I heard the sudden sound of running feet and I leapt out of my seat, only to be pulled into the air by a human’s bear-hug.

>>53350072
“Bags!” Said a deep, jovial voice. “You’re still kicking!”
“Crawley!” I wheezed. “You’re still squeezing!” The blond giant gave a hearty laugh as he set me down, dusting off his knees while I drank in air.
“Have you gotten even shorter, or is it just me?”
“I thought I raised you to treat your elders with respect.”
“We found him while we were shopping at the market!” Jannah smiled as she dived into bed.
“They told me you were stuck at the inn taking care of one of her victims,” he said while tussling Jade’s hair.
“That’s him on the bed. Try not to wake him, okay?”
“Is there anything you can do for him, Crawley?” Alcance inquired.
“He’ll be fine later tomorrow.” He answered, pulling up a chair. “Nothing more dangerous than a hangover.”
“Plova sort of ‘shuts down’ your body. You’ll work it through your system faster than it numbs you, but when you pair it with alcohol you end up like Vidt for one or two days.” I added.
“Hey, not my fault you’re all lightweights.” Jade commented, eliciting a giggle from Jannah.
“Hey, not our fault you’re the only one with a dragon’s stomach.” Crawley replied, pinching her cheek.
“Dragon’s stomach, was it?” said Alcance. “That’s an interesting euphemism.”
“It’s a dwarven title, actually. And not one easily earned at that.” Jade beamed.
“The dwarves gave you a title?! How?” Jannah asked, her big orc eyes filled with respect for her little halfling elder.
“I think I’ll be the one to tell that tale. Bags, can you play us some music?” Crawley quickly interjected. A good thing too, as Jade always tended to embellish it.
“Honestly, I’d much rather read.” I said, dutifully reaching for my instruments. “Harmonica or fiddle?”
“I think the violin suits this story better than the harp.”
“Harmonica it is, then.”

>>53350090
“When she was an adventurer, Jade was known for two things: her way with alcohol and her way with words. She could stab or shoot just as well as anyone else, but her true skill was in talking to others. Jade knew best what to say and when to say it to get what she wanted.

“Once, as part of a job from Lyfelan, we got attend a rather nice party. A number of big names from Tennholm and even Aros had been invited, and so we had the opportunity to mingle with some of the most famous men and women in the world. But mostly we had the chance to fill ourselves with meats, desserts, and drinks completely for free.

“One of the guests in attendance was a fairly important dwarf, an army captain who won fame during the Troubles and became a lord. With him he brought enough Firehall to fill a lake, and he sat comfortably at the bar, happily chatting with the other guests. Lamb leg in one hand and mug in the other, he was enjoying himself greatly.

“Immediately after we joined the party Jade sought out some booze, and she soon found herself sampling all the different types of liquor they had to offer by the pint at the bar. The lord took notice of her behavior and the two began to talk, him also taking pints of whatever Jade was drinking.

“Jade complimented him on his liver and his knowledge of alcohol, and the lord did so in kind. He was surprised to see someone, especially a halfling, hold their drink so well. Jade thanked him, and asked the lord what was his fondest memory of drinking.
‘The royal banquet the Queen held in celebration of her coronation, and the glass of a millennium-old wine she gave me.’ The lord answered, and he asked her the same question in return.
‘A shabby little pub I’d gone to after finishing work, and a pint of cider so terrible it didn’t even deserve to be called swill.’ Jade replied. ‘It was the first time a friend had ever bought me a drink.’

>>53350101
“The lord laughed, and half-jokingly told her that he’d like to try some one day. Jade immediately produced a hidden flask of the stuff. He laughed some more, spat it out on the first swig, and laughed even harder. They continued to drink and to chat, until the lord eventually drank himself unconscious.

“A few weeks after the party, Jade received an invitation from the lord to a dwarven feast — apparently, he thought that she would make a great addition to the event and pestered our employer for her contact information. We tagged along, of course. At the feast Jade was introduced to various dwarven nobles, and she did her best to leave a good impression with them. Naturally, alcohol was abundant and as always Jade was drinking enough booze to drown in. And as always, her drinking companions ended up blacking out before she even got tipsy.

“We made our way back to Lyfelan, feeling refreshed from our brief trip to Tennholm. Waiting for us there was a large envelope and a great big barrel. The sender? None other than the dwarven Queen. Evidently, the story of a single halfling drinking a dozen dwarven nobles under had reached Her Majesty, and she had apparently enjoyed the tale. Her Majesty had consulted some nobles — including the captain turned lord — regarding Jade’s character, and had decided to bestow her with the honorary title of ‘Possessor of a dragon’s stomach.’ It came with no land, but it did come with a signed declaration from Her Majesty on official royal stationary. And a barrel of millennium-old wine.”

Jade stuck her chin up with pride at the conclusion of Crawley’s story. Jannah gave an enthusiastic clap, and Alcance looked at her with a bit of newfound respect.
“You could’ve mentioned any of that before, Bags...” Someone mumbled.
“Vidt! Are you sure you’re fine now?” Alcance asked as I put away my harmonica.

>>53350115
“I’m fine, lass.” He groaned, fumbling around to find his glass of water. “At least, I will be after some sleep. But right now I want a bath. I’ve spent the day sweating my skin off.”
“Alright, alright. I’ll help you get to the bathhouse.” I said.
“Thanks lad.”
“I’ll go too.” Crawley chimed in. “Is it fine if I use the guests’ bath?” He asked Jade.
“Just don’t let Oslon find out. Although even if he did, I don’t think he’d mind.” With that, the two of us helped Vidt up and we left the room.

●●●

“Oh, it completely slipped my mind. Bags, Vidt, do you two want to go after the bandits tomorrow or the day after?” Crawley asked as we made our way.
“What.”
“Jannah brought it up. She said she wanted to make sure that the bandits in the Foxwoods couldn’t hurt anyone else, and the half-elf — Alcance, was it? — said she’d help keep Jannah safe. I talked to some of the clergy and the guards, and it seems that we can count on thirty others to help us.” Vidt and I paused, taking in the news.
“We’ll do it tomorrow. Just let me sleep this off first.” Vidt said determinedly.

I took a deep breath and sighed. There are plenty of things I would rather spend my day doing than fighting brigands.

JOURNAL END

P.S. Buy another pint of piss cider.

>>53348767
>See, I moved here a few years ago too, a little before you did. When I was nine, I also hunted those creatures alongside my parents where I used to live. Sometimes... Well, some of my friends got hurt by these creatures too. One day, a friend of mine got hurt really badly. My parents had to flee and I with them.

I was shocked to hear that Yui was involved with something that dangerous at such young an age. I can already feel just grabbing hers just like she did no long ago.

>Don't worry. She's still alive. But... the thing is that these things are dangerous. Sometimes they just eat out the light in someone's life. Sometimes they eat so much of a person they just hurt themselves or people around them. Sometimes these things will just eat and eat and eat until their host dies.

Her grip on my bed tightens.

>If it were you that got hurt like that, I don't think I could forgive myself. So I'm glad I could save you, Rei.

>But...what if I didn't trust you? What if I suddenly freaked out?

Yui's eyes cast themselves down, her long black hair falling like a curtain over her face.

>I'd still save you, but... I'd probably have left right after. I'd rather that you forget about me than have it be all awkward between us after tonight, right?

She had a point. It would have been very hard to reconcile what had happened if I didn't trust her. If I ran, she might have tried it again until I listened. If she was right, maybe I might have just dropped dead before then. But even then, I don't think I'd ever come to resent her.

>I don't think so. I'd always remember you.

>Jeez, I'm trying to be serious here!

Yui's head leans on me.

>But thanks, Rei. It feels great knowing you're gonna be there for me.

>Trust me. Just...don't hide anything else from me, okay? We're friends, right?

>Is that why you asked me out? Just as friends?

I can already hear a haughty tone from her voice. The heavy air that hung over us both was already falling away from us.

>>53343271
cry more fag. the boards have topics for a reason. your lucky /tg/ even tolerates this self-indulgent wanky shit thread.

>>53350292
Oh boy, here comes the teej police again. Some things never change.

This thread is fine. Art threads are fine. Inspiration threads are fine. You aren't the first to whine about this and sadly you will not be the last. Hide the thread if it bothers you.

>>53350227
>...I don't know why, but I thought... I dunno, I wondered if I even had a chance with you. It's not like I even knew if you were interested.

My confession is met by a chuckle.

>You know, if you're like that when having your soul eaten up, I'm looking forward to see what an unshackled you does.

>What?

>I'm serious, if you're like this now, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. Besides, the one thing I needed was someone to trust. You're the first person to do that, so have a little more faith in yourself, okay?

I honestly don't know what's going to happen to me tomorrow. Maybe it turns out I'll go crazy from some lack of inhibition. Maybe I'll find out I'm some even tackier casanova than I thought I ever was. Maybe nothing at all will happen. A few minutes ago, I'd be terrified of all of these situations. Now though, I think I'd be happy with any of them.

Maybe it's already working right now.

>>53350506
i just applied for janitor and trust me, once i'm accepted all this off-topic bullshit will be swept away.

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>>53352755

>>53352755
Two years. That's how long Storythreads have been a regular thing. And they were an irregular thing for a long time before that. Don't you think that if the mods thought they were off-topic they might have done something about it by now?

Also, what is wrong with you? People enjoy these threads. People put effort into these threads. And you want to trash all that because... because what? I literally cannot see what you get out of coming in here, telling everyone this is a 'self-indulgent wanky shit thread', and threatening to ban Storythreads.

You know what I like most about /tg/? The people here aren't nearly as toxic as the ones on, say, /pol/. If you want to be an asshole for no reason, why don't you go there and leave people who are actually capable of making a positive contribution to the world in peace.

>>53336564
I may sound like deviant, but I just love it when Lars would suckle on my breasts during our love making sessions. And almost more than a few times when Lars and I are in our love making sessions, especially when we do it in my cozy little hovel. Lars and I just kiss, and Lars would just proceed to suckle on my breasts non-stop until we'd both get sleepy. Again I loved it, him melting in my arms as he sucks on my tits as if craving for milk while I coo to him like a mother to her hungry baby child.

We both continued our relationship for months as the elven embassy was nearing a few more weeks worth of construction. One might think the elves would quickly or instantly build a building with just their magic. But even elves who are masters of anything magic related would do certain things the old fashion way to show to the world just how good they are. And while using magic to build a structure is possible and has already been done by the elves throughout history and even native wizards who’re native to Keshaodor, doing something like that would be complicated and might have some side effects. At least that's what my lovely dear Lars told me since he speaks as an elf; part elf I mean.

And one day, just when I was done with another day of work in the afternoon in a weekday, my dear Larrel Keaven told me: “Kianna, I’ve got some news for you, good and bad… Which do you wish to hear first?”

“What happened Lars? Did something bad happen???”

“Don’t worry, I’ll explain. So, hear the good or bad first?”

I tensed at that moment, worrying what it was all about as I asked what the bad news was. “…The ‘bad’ news Lars. What happened?”

“We’ve been together for nearly months now Kianna and we have gotten to know each other quite well, and I’m happy to meet a woman who I can love such as you… But I must return home to Shene Edhil, I’m going to be leaving this country…”

>>53353883
“What???” I asked him sadly, as I felt tears about to leak from my eyes just as I heard him saying he was going be leaving and returning home, leaving me all alone.

“My tour serving as a soldier is almost about to be done since my last job is being part of a small platoon to guard the construction of the elven embassy, plus this is my last tour aswell.” Lars said almost somberly as he continued. “Heh, I’ll admit. I’ll miss my job being a soldier for the proud elven lands of Shene Edhil. Even if it meant me having many close calls, near death scenarios and bearing a few scars from previous battles I’ve fought throughout my whole career. Which I’m sure you know about from our times of sharing stories, right Kianna?”

I was nearly in the verge of tears that after all that quality time spent together, all those evenings of love making, sharing stories and cuddling in each other’s arms. He was going to leave me. But then just as the dam nearly burst he continued on, this time he had a smile on his face.

“And now for the good news Kianna, which I’m sure, will make you joyous and much, much happier.” I was able to contain my tears to hear him say the so called good news. “Kianna, will you come with me and live with me in Shene Edhil?” I quietly gasped as he just said that. Suddenly the tears I felt that was gathering in my eyes felt like they have vanished, and the feeling of sadness, loneliness and the fear of being abandoned and left alone was replaced with the feeling of relief and happiness.

I took a step closer to Lars and gave him a weak punch to his torso, since he was not wearing but just his elven gambeson instead. He was visibly surprised at my weak punch, but I quickly grabbed his face with both hands while also in my tip-toes because of him being taller. And told him.

“Larrel Keavan, do not make me anxious and or scared like that ever again. And yes, I’d love to come with you and live with you.”

>>53353522
every other week a thread does for this shit. look around, it's an echo chamber filled with ducks - everyone is quacking, no one is listening.

I'm not going to stop you from enjoying posting fiction for each other to read, like the other anon does, but I just have to say that some of the stuff I've read in these threads is just about the worst, cringiest shit I've ever read.

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Reality Consistency Shiny Objects

>>53354283
I'm not going to argue with you that everything posted here is top quality, but if you want professional quality go read a published author. The whole point is that people are here to learn, trade ideas, exercise their skills - that's how you improve. Most importantly, it motivates people to write. On a certain level it doesn't matter if what you've written is crap - often the biggest hurdle to being a writer is the first one: actually sitting down and focusing long enough to get the words down.

And it's not all bad. There are always one or two gems that were really worth reading, even moreso than a lot of published stuff.

I really need to put together a list sometime of the best stuff on the wiki (I've generally held back from doing that because it's a subjective thing and I think I ought to be as neutral as possible, but the wiki page is getting way too unwieldy for casual perusal)

>>53354274
>stop liking what I don't like
You may think there's nothing of value in these threads, but some people obviously do or they wouldn't keep coming back. You do understand that no one's forcing you to be here, right?

>>53354222
You know, dude, you use the same phrases repetitively, and in close proximity to itself. It's a decent story about looking for love, but it also lacks a sense of urgency. Something that they're fighting against, not just for. Lastly, this is one hell of a love letter to elfdom.

Keep practicing, though.

>>53344487
>>53344518
>>53344537
That was interesting. High quality prose, but I'm not sure I followed the plot. I guess I like my horror more on-the-nose than subtle and unsettling.

Got any more?

>>53360444
Thanks for reading! It's very much just a mood piece, just atmosphere, plot's pretty bare. I'll dig out something a little different, might be a bit longer.

More spookies, this one's a bit longer

-

There's an inn on the north coast, visited by a certain number of tourists every year. It sits neatly in a plot of a land a ways in from the lightly wooded road at the top of a long decline, which reaches down the sea some mile or two away. Facing it across the road is land lightly peppered with small trees, many young saplings, the trees further in, a taller, thicker, greener and older. The inn itself is low on both sides, with some bedrooms, sitting rooms and a kitchen here, its middle rising three storeys and containing landlord's quarters and more bedrooms. It resembles a small church in some respects, it's façade is mostly of wood, aged by weather but kept nicely, and its windows are thick and bright. A colourful sign sits over the porch telling the name of the inn, 'The Seaview House'. It's an otherwise lonely building whose yearly trickle of guests from the sea-side town magnifies in summer and the long road reaching far away from it into another county positively brims with traffic. Up this road huffed John Cooper, in white shirt, jacket thrown across one of his two small suitcases. Red-faced but with a contented grin he turned to face the unassuming guest-house and was hurriedly met by the attentive landlady, Mrs. Parsons, who told him not to worry and took his suitcases up to his room on the second floor while he signed in and exchanged some pleasantries with the equally red-faced, or rather red-nosed, Mr. Parsons.

cont.

>>53363607
Cooper's room commanded a view of the road from one window, the other provided a view over the treetops and down the long road he trodden that day. It was a square-ish room, his bed lay by the window which faced the road. He had a rug over the wooden floors, two chairs, a desk and a set of drawers. It would more than do for his week there before he headed on, nice, quiet, but not totally isolated, at least not for him. He understood, too, he was the only guest in the inn, so things were a little more relaxed than usual. He worked up a reasonable lunch and dinner time with the Parsons, explained he would probably either be writing or out walking most days, so he might be out, a prospect which might bother casual travellers, but Cooper had stayed in many inns, and this house held no ill repute.

It was on his third day he took a longer than expected walk. He had decided he wanted to tramp through the woods surrounding the inn that day, which, as across the road, became thicker and older the further they went back. They went far back enough to become tangled at some points and hard to traverse. The sun was high in the sky and beat down pretty mercilessly in the thinner trees, but back here, where Cooper had found himself, it wasn't hot, but it was humid, the canopy trapped a lot of wind which blew up from the sea, which out on the road, had hints of salt and made one breathe deeply. He was aiming back towards the direction of the road when he found himself, all of a sudden, amidst a small, odd clearing.

>>53363647
The land in it was upturned and, it seemed to him, to have been plucked out as if in one colossal handful. It descended downwards in an irregular slope, but Cooper didn't go into it. He felt maybe he shouldn't, he didn't know why. Maybe it was ground for saplings to be planted, maybe it was some kind of farm patch, could be belong to the Parsons', or anything else as mundane as in this part of the country. Yet he saw no work tools, no tracks or signs of equipment. It was like it was rather roughly hacked out of the ground. Soil stained and was sprinkled around much of the small surrounding area. Beyond it, all around it and above were the same old trees which reached to a cloying canopy, save for this one gap. Cooper had set a single foot in it before he withdrew, but not before the weight of his boot had made the blackish soil ooze, which slithered slowly down the dirt and left clinging trails on his boot as he took it away. Having found it odd in this old, quiet place, Cooper made a wide circle around it and, as the trees began to thin on the decline down the long road to the sea, and as came upon the road from the much lighter sprinklings, found he could see quite perfectly. He was went much further than he thought, either in his aimless wandering or in avoiding that odd patch. It made the decision for him, though, he would spend the day in the town, amidst the fresh sea air.

>>53363665
The coolness of the seaside did not reach further inland, unfortunately for Cooper, and he noted the growing heat of the day sticking here amidst the wooded road in his cab back to the inn. He had taken it slow back to the house, and was watching the trees in the growing dark outside the windows. The woods made everything seem to be growing darker, quicker. Despite their thinness, they trapped the shadows wonderfully. He thought he might found out one of these days. With the irregularity of the branches, the tree size, the density of the leaves and the dying sunlight, the constant motion of the cab made it seem to Cooper, as he lazily studied the blurred view, that some great shape tumbled through the foliage. Were it not for the sheer size of his half-vision, he'd almost believe himself.

When he got back, it wasn't quite too late, and he immediately went into the little pub which publicly operated during these months. He found Mr. Parsons at the bar and offered apologies for leaving word of his absence and hoped he hadn't caused any trouble. No trouble there, if they didn't see him by a certain time, he'd get no dinner was their idea. After sharing a laugh over a cold ale, Cooper, Mr. Parsons and the few patrons exchanged in small talk. Cooper related his day's walk, the goings on in the town, how nice it was, how the heat stuck – universally understood – but also, sheepishly, how he hoped he hadn't been trespassing in some way when he came across that odd hollow. When he looked around he was met with only baffled stares. He explained his reasons behind it and Mr. Parsons only said 'No, it's no land of ours, yours John? No? Jim? Christy? No? Well, sure, no harm, then' and the men had never left their glasses. Only one sallow old fellow offered, from under the brim of his cap, that 'it might be a sinkhole or somesuch, best you stay away from it, you know'. Talk was then led to local matters, the town fair, the crops, and the like.

>>53363682
The heat had not been kind to the rooms, and Cooper's, with its two big windows, had not fared well. He opened the door to the wall of warmth which made him exclaim under his breath. He made directly for the two windows and opened them fully, leaving his door open for just a few moments to let a breeze come in. It felt a little cooler, comparatively, when he stuck his head out roadside. Back in the room he took his bedsheets and shook them, to at least mix the air. He wouldn't be comfortable tonight, but he was tired, and hoped that was enough to counteract the atmosphere.

He pottered around at his desk until he couldn't bare to strain in the light of the little lamp. His eyes were heavy and without breaking that sensation, crawled and fell onto his bed, half covered in a thin sheet. His ears travelled across the room, hearing nothing. Eventually, they found the windows. He listened to the rustle of leaves for a while and gave a soft sigh of relief when he realized it meant a wind blew. It came in stomps, he felt, in exhalations which wafted. This is he listened to for quite some time, only once in the back of his head noting the lack of late birdsong or the chirp of insects. Just that creeping breeze. Regardless, it was only some time before the stillness took him to sleep.

>>53363699
Cooper didn't know what time he awoke, but that it was still dark when a single eye twitched open for a second. His mind drifted upwards a little, but his body still retained that heaviness of sleep, and all thought carried heft. As his ears became a little more aware, he began to discern a constant sound, something he needed to heave a thought up to process. It sounded to him, for all the world, like his windows were being closed, at the same time, indefinitely. It was a dragging sound, of wood on wood. The sound was indeed continuous, and wasn't a wind. He still felt warm and he didn't dare think Mr or Mrs Parsons had invaded his privacy to close windows. Cooper shifted in his bed, and as he turned over and his bleared eyes were caught in the clear moonlight, they shot open in an instant. Crouched, or curled up against the far wall and bent halfway across the ceiling, with one massive leg being dragged in from the window, and one hand whose curling extremities were very close to his bed, was something Cooper could only dimly recognize a colossal human figure. It's limbs were gargantuan, and, Cooper thought in his freshly-awake daze, trunk-like in their size. Its face, bereft of natural features, a sunken, smooth, stone-like mass with great black holes, now twisted to look at him.

The morning found Mrs Parsons climbing the stairs to awaken a late Mr. John Cooper. Upon reaching his door, she herself exclaimed at the heat of the morning. She knocked on his door once, then twice, called his name, and then tried the handle, finding it swung inwards. Mrs. Parsons screamed, or yelled, enough to have to her husband meet her halfway down the stairs when she had ran to find him. Cooper was in his bed, curled into a ball, straining and whimpering, and across his room, from the wood-side window, all across the floor, wall and some ways across the ceiling, was a great black smear that had left dangling trails, and had already begun to dry in the morning sun.

END

late night bump

Could I shill a friend's shitty blog here?

>>53354222
As I said that, I gently pulled down Lars' face to mine and we both kissed for two minutes straight before some on looking people decide to either gawk or scold us.

"Heh, sorry if I made you taht anxious Kianna my love. Thought it'd be SLIGHTLY 'amusing' to pull at some heartstrings-"

"LARS..." I said almost angrily at his attempts to pull my strings.

"Whoa, sorry, sorry Kianna dear. But I'm serious. I'll be moving back to my homeland, but you get to come along with me."

"But. how though? Wouldn't your superiors not approve of me coming along with you?"

"Well Kianna, I told you many times. I'm a ranking officer, a lieutenant specifically. I have some form of authority and sway that let the system and even the bureaucracy allow me to take a civilian with me "for reasons." Plus I have a couple of friends in higher places who can help me and you."

"Really? If thats true, then when are we moving out?"

"Pretty soon Kianna, about a week or so. Just be ready to pack your things."

>>53369366
Does your friend write /tg/ related fiction? Because that's what we're here for.

>>53369782
It's this post-apocalyptic sunless road trip. It's not D&D but it might count, I don't know.

>>53369804
see
>>53343271

I'd say you can run a role playing game in a post-apocalyptic setting.

>>53369871
Fair enough. I'll just drop in the first chapter and maybe someone here manages to get through it without falling asleep too many times.

Shit takes a while to get going.

https://utangard.wordpress.com/2016/11/06/the-long-midnight-part-1/

>>53335059
>>53289617
Die Saga von Sana geht weiter...

Okay, I've done the next chapter of this now. Incidentally, the title of this story is 'Heart of Light and Shadow'. And the title of this chapter is 'Harpy.'

------

Sana sat in a crouch at the edge of a small, rocky canyon, watching carefully. The rain had stopped, but the sky was still grey. Smoke rose from a big fire in the middle of the ravine. Wagons stood at both sides of the path, which led directly into the canyon and stopped at its rocky end. Sana could make out three men. They opened one of the wagons and laid out a few piles of clothes. The wagon floated in the air without wheels. How this worked, she couldn't say - she had never seen a mechanism like it before. Near the wagon a cave entrance led into a lighted tunnel. A round crystal inside gave out a golden light.

The three men went to the next wagon and pulled the linen canvass aside, revealing a handful of cages. In the biggest Sana recognised a human form. It was wearing emerald-green plumage that covered it whole body. What is that? Sana asked herself in the silence. The creature shrank back, frightened, and cowered in the corner of the cage. The men laughed. Sana recognised human features in the creature's face, the feathers reaching down over its cheeks and neck like hair. The creature raised its arms in front of its face to hide itself. Wings instead of arms, thought Sana. The men shook the cage, laughing, and the creature squealed audibly. Sana balled her fists and clenched her teeth. Rage boiled up inside her, and with it the shadow on her arm rose.

'Don't do anything hasty.' said a quiet voice behind her, and she felt cold metal at her neck. 'I'm not one of them. Come with me.'

>>53377858

Slowly, Sana pushed herself back from the edge of the cliff. She wasn't afraid - there was something benign in his voice, although she felt some sort of blade right at her neck. When she was a few steps back from the ravine she said, 'I'm standing now.', and slowly she got to her feet. Cautiously, she turned, and saw the weapon held at her head. It was a blade with a tip shaped like a hoe. The man held a second in his other hand. His blackened leather gear was clean, and a white wooden mask covered his face. The dark eyes behind them were framed by a strange skin, but there was nothing more she could see of him.

'Let's walk a little.' he said, motioning with his head over his shoulder. When they got behind some young trees he stopped and looked Sana up and down, before his eyes fixed on her chest. The hole in my chest, remembered Sana. She crossed her arms and said nothing. The man looked briefly at her, and past her through the trees, then hooked both swords onto rings on his left and right hip.

'Who are you and what is that?' he asked, looking at her black arm.

What should I say to him? Sana asked herself. That I fell out of the sky? 'Sanaray Vasu. Sana for short.' she told him.

'And the answer to my second question?'

She hesitated. 'I don't know that myself, exactly.'

He was silent, and looked at her. 'What are you doing here?' he asked.

'I'm looking for warmth and maybe something to eat. Who are you? You said you don't belong to "them".' She pointed with her thumb over her shoulder.

The stranger seemed to think briefly before he answered. 'Call me Roa, and it would be better if we got out of here, before we're discovered.'

'No, I want to help the bird-creature.'

'Bird... you mean a harpy?'

'Whatever it is, they have it in a cage and I want to free it.'

>>53377906

Roa shook his head and said: 'That down there is a black market, where all sorts of forbidden rarities are sold to wealthy people from the city. You can't just march in there and take the cage with you.'

'I can't leave her down there. I saw the fear in her eyes, and how the men treated her.' I'm not going to go without her, Sana thought. She turned and crept back towards the canyon.

'Wait, you can't... you'll be spotted. Damn it!'

Sana ignored him and peered back over the cliff. Three coaches floated, pulled by men through the entrance of the canyon. Some men came out of the cave and greeted the newcomers. Hands were shaken, but up here Sana could understand nothing of the conversation. She looked over her shoulder briefly and saw Roa between the trees. He was observing her with his arms crossed. Beneath her she now saw how the men went to the open wagons and examined the goods. A few disappeared under Sana, out of her field of view.

The harpy sat still huddled in its cage. That alone was enough the make Sana angry. She saw how her arm reformed, and turned a swirling black. A moment later she stood up, resolute, and stepped up to the edge of the cliff. Her black heart beat faster. She balled her fists and clenched her teeth.

One of the men looked up at her, and shouted something to the others. Some of them disappeared into the cave and came back with drawn swords. 'By Istanu, what are you doing?!' called Roa behind her.

Please..., spoke Sana into her mind. With a small jump Sana pushed off the edge and aimed directly for the middle of the fire. Pure fear and panic grabbed her and wrapped her in black smoke. She hit the fire with both feet, breaking logs and scattering ash in all directions. She rose uninjured from the flames and turned to look at the men, who were staring at her in shock. One of them didn't notice that the ash was burning his trousers.

>>53377922

'A witch of the night-shadows.' cried one, and he turned and ran. The others threw down their swords and followed him.

Sana grinned mischievously; she could only imagine what kind of twisted grimace her shadow-body made. But at once her fear vanished, and the blackness slowly retreated. As I thought, Sana realised. She looked over her shoulder to the cliff where Roa stood, and waved at him with a wide grin. Then she hurried to the cage where the harpy was huddled, and smiled at her.

Then she used the rest of the black force on her arm to tear out the door with a jerk. 'I'm called Sana. You don't need to be afraid now. The evil men are gone.' The harpy didn't stir, but glanced passed her briefly. Then she looked Sana in the eyes. Carefully, the avian lowered iits arms and Sana recognised two raised areas on its chest. Breasts, Sana realised. They were concealed by the plumage.

The harpy supported herself on her wings, which had thumbs, and crawled forwards. As she stretched her head out of the cage she carefully looked left and right, then climbed backwards out of her former prison. Claws instead of feet, Sana noticed. The creature stood in front of her, and only reached up to her navel. She looks so innocent and fragile, Sana thought. Suddenly the bird girl threw herself forwards and hugged Sana's waist, wings wrapping tightly around her. She sobbed silently. Sana stroked her head, feeling the smoothness of the emerald-green feathers.

Then she saw Roa marching down the path towards her. He stopped near Sana and looked down at the harpy. Tearful eyes looked back.

'What's your name?' he asked.

'I... I'm called Iza.' the harpy sniffed, pressing closer to Sana.

'Nice. I'm Roa.' He looked from wagon to wagon, and said: 'Help yourself to some of the clothes, Sana.'

>>53377940

Slowly but surely, she pushed Iza away and went to the open wagons on which the clothes lay. She grabbed a long blue shirt and plain, dark blue trousers. She walked behind the wagon, to be out of view of Roa, and pulled off her wet top. The cold wind swept across her skin and left her shivering. She looked briefly at the black ring between her breasts where her heart beat, now in a greedy tone. Then she pulled on the new top. When she was wearing trousers, she stepped out from behind the wagons again, and saw that Iza was smiling now.

Iza hopped forwards on her short legs and hugged Sana again. 'Can you not fly?' Sana asked, and the harpy shook her head.

Roa said: 'Intelligent harpies raised in captivity never learn to fly.'

So Iza can hardly keep up, thought Sana. Iza took a surprised breath as Sana grabbed her from behind under her arms and lifted her up into the air. She is incredibly light, Sana found, and she set the harpy on her shoulders. 'Hold on tight.'

The harpy let her legs hang down over Sana's chest, and rested against her neck and head.

'Let's go.' Roa decided.

>>53369688
I inquired further. “A week or so, are you really sure it’d work Lars? I mean I know you are lieutenant, but what if your higher ranking officials do not approve of you bringing me with you? And what if what you’re doing is considered illegal?”

“Fret not Kianna, like I said. I have friends in higher places which include the bureaucratic system and higher ranking officials, few of whom are close friends who go way long back, and even others who owe me favors too after I did huge personal favors and assistance for them. And I plan on using the favors they’d owe me to help you come with me and help give you an easier process of becoming a legal migrant heading to Shene Edhil. Plus, three of those higher ranking officers who’re friends of mine and owe me favors are also here, overlooking certain construction processes and procedure for the elven embassy in your land’s capital.”

“You’d really do all this for me? I don’t know what else I could say but… Thank you and how much I really love you Lars… I’m sorry, but I think we should meet again maybe later tonight or tomorrow, with all this information and news. I got a lot of things to prepare, tell a few friends and my bosses that well, I’m moving out with you; my half-elf boyfriend.”

“Don’t you mean your soon-to-be-husband?” He said with a cheeky grin, oh Lars my lover.

“Oh you handsome elven lech~”

“And I love you too.” He said with that cheeky grin, and then grabbed my hips and started kissing and nibbling at my neck as I childishly giggled at the tickly feeling of his kissing and nibbling on the side of my neck. Coupled with his touch on my hips.

“TEHEHEHEHEHAHAHA! Stop Lars! Stop it; we’re out in public aren’t we? And I still got today’s work, and don’t YOU have today’s work and duties yourself?”

>>53388068
“You’re right, you’re right Kianna. Well then, I guess we’ll go our separate ways for today and meet tomorrow. I’ll tell my friends in high places about my- OUR little moving-in-together plan. See you tomorrow love.”

“You too dear.” Then we both got on our own ways, after I accomplished my tasks for the day I broke the news to my few bosses who’re milk farmers who give me the whole cream I churn. I also told my neighbors and few friends in the outskirts of Heiruu and all of them; even my bosses were happy and or glad for me that I found a kind and loving lover and boyfriend. A few of my neighbors and my two bosses said that I should look forward to moving in to Shene Edhil with Lars, since it is always said the elven land of Shene Edhil is enchanting and magical. And that following day I was able to pack all my belongings for my journey in moving in with my Larrel Keaven in his homeland. Lars and I met up again, this time he had one of his elven friends with him. The ones who were in high places and who’d do him a favor by making it easy for me to be with Lars in his trip back home to his country.

We were at old Elsa’s restaurant as Lars’ friend, who was a captain and ranking officer like Lars, showed me a few papers. Which were immigration documents and said and joked that if I were to move in with Lars, especially emigrate to Shene Edhil in the normal way I’d be queuing in longer lines and signing far more papers and documents along with numerous background checks. But I’m lucky that I get the short cut thanks to Lars and his friend, and so I signed the papers I needed to sign and Lars’ fellow ranking officer asked me questions ranging from my name, education, job, and whether I’d be learning to use magic or not. Which I find puzzling since I’m but a normal human my whole life and have never casted a magic spell nor uttered a magic word like any mage would.

>>53388493
And after signing those few papers and asking of questions, I was all set and considered a legal migrant heading for Shene Edhil, atleast that’s what Lars’ fellow ranking officer said so as he said I’ll just show my immigration papers to the elven soldiers. And Lars even joked that he can just tell the soldiers to look the other way around and not mind me coming along with me. And finally Lars’ fellow officer said I can look forward emigrating to Shene Edhil and becoming a human citizen of the elven lands since there’d be plenty of farms and fields that could use people such as me to work as farmers or to work in the fields and crops. But Lars said he’s got a cousin who works as a merchant running a shop who could use an assistant, plus there are fellow humans in Shene Edhil whom I can socialize with too. And that was it; I was now considered a legal migrant and new human citizen of the elven country and lands of Shene Edhil as I even shook hands with Lars’ friend as she told me I should be glad to be with a man like Larrel Keaven.

And that there is the story of how I, a human, am now living in the elven nation of Shene Edhil with my half-elf lover Larrel Keaven. It has been four days since me and Lars left Keshaodor and set sailed for Shene Edhil, Lars said he’ll be working as a security guard for a money lending business owned by another cousin of his when we reach his homeland. And I could also be working as a field hand in one of Shene Edhil’s many farms. Or I could simply work as an assistant for Lars’ merchant cousin…

But in the end, I and Lars are looking forward to make it to his homeland and get married. And maybe even have kids one day, beautiful part-elven-part human children and live our lives together as a loving husband and wife once officially married with the blessing of the elven gods or goddesses. Or as a happy family if we’d have kids.
-----

There you go, finish.

>>53388701
And finally: >>53355181

What do you mean my story's 'a love letter to elfdom?'

Came here at the suggestion of /co/ so forgive me if this is the wrong thread or board.

Some anon asked me to RP to a Harry Potter theme a few months back like it was 2007 again. I produced an intimidating outline that caused that anon to quit the RP before we started, but they said it was well written and should be made into a fan-fiction story so I want to get some opinions and ideas for it if it's that alright.

Should I post it here or is there some better-suited thread/board for this?

>>53391461
Yeah, Harry Potter RP/fanfic falls within our area. If you want opinions on your RP this is at least as good a place to come as /lit/ or /co/.

Also, see >>53343271
> I guess the basic guide is: could you plausibly include it in a tabletop roleplaying game?

>>53392968
Thanks, anon!

filedropper - /hprptemplate

>>53363607
>>53363647
>>53363665
>>53363682
>>53363699
>>53363790
Also good. I kinda get vibes of Stephen King from you.

You could maybe do with a little less detail, though. I'm not saying cut it down entirely - the richness of the descriptiveness is what gives it atmosphere. It just gets a little dense in places.

>>53388716
It's the way you romanticize literally everything about the elves, constantly having either main character fawn over them/their culture. It feels less like the girl fell for the half elf and more like she's just a knife-ear romantic, damn the persona of the elf himself.

>>53350128
You're good at establishing the dynamic between your characters. Prose is okay, could use a little work in one or two places but nothing major. e.g.

>stuck in that half-conscious stage between consciousness and unconsciousness
Repetition should generally be avoided. You could have just said:
>stuck in that fuzzy stage between consciousness and unconsciousness

Oh, and I really wish you'd remember to leave an empty line every time you start a new line. Makes things much easier to read.

>>53393068
For those of us who don't really want to download a file, could you post a googledocs, or a pastebin link or something?

>>53397262
Can you see this?
https://pastebin.com/kfhjiGhQ

>>53383353
Hear ye, children, for i'm about to tell ye the tale of of the Devil and his Bride. 'tis a tale ye parents forbade me from tellin'. but they ain't here right now.

'Twas a long ago in the nearby woods where a powerful witch lived alone inside a ramshackle hut. She had turned to warlockery barely out of her babe years, when her parents bargained for her siblings' future with another witch. The witch tutored the poor girl before dying herself at a pyre, leaving the child, now a nubile woman, alone. Her life was toiling at her cauldron, brewing elixirs and medicines for the few who visited her. She entertained many a guest, some for a longer period than others, but never did she have anybody she could call close. Her loneliness grew unbearable and she turned to the darkest of magics to find somebody to hold her. Men and women both young and old were charmed with spells and cursed to live with the witch, but alas 'twas not what the witch had craved for. Their embraces cold, their eyes empty or filled with terror and anger and their wooing words hollow and meaningless, the witch was forced time after time to capture these poor souls within her home's confines, hidden in jars, drawers and secret safes. As a final act of desperation she used a spell even her own mentor forbade her from using to commune with beings beyond our mortal realms. 'twas then she met the monster called Barnabas.

>>53398430
Risin' from the cauldron's bubblin' contents, the monster introduced himself and demanded to know why would a mortal disturb him. The witch had made her contracts and worded it carefully before even talkin' to the beast. She wanted for the being to remain at her side as a servant and companion in return for her own soul and a soul of a person willin' to sacrifice themselves for her each month from henceforth. Barnabas agreed for it sounded profitable and remained at the witch's side. But 'twas not what the beast thought it would be. His powers weren't used to reap vengeance, to claim power or to do, well, anything he was normally tasked with. His days were spent pickin' flowers for the witch to make decorations with, wipin' out spider nests in the house and listenin' to the lonely babbles of a young woman. Barnabas was baffled by the nature of his contact as he was out of his element. Like a smith with an easel his work was graceless and bore the marks of an amateur. What Barnabas expected to net him a fair few scorns and warnin's, something he used to fuel contempt towards his masters, he was instead met with kindly chuckles and a warm smile. He cared naught for it, for a while, as his payments due were paid on time: A soul for each month of a willin' person. 'course they were not willin' in the sense we'd call willin', but trapped within a jar for years make's even the most unwillin' man say anything to his captor. Seasons came and went and Barnabas remained. His ties to his dark masters weakened, a cause of his absence from his infernal home. No longer filled with contempt and greed, he learned to view to world in a different light. The witch no longer lonely was content with her lot in life and the eventual end as her supply of former "lovers" dwindled to nothingness. The day for payments due came and the witch welcomed the end with open arms as she was satisfied. Barnabas came forth with the contract, written in blood upon the skin of man.

>>53398698
Then he tore it. The contract had become null and void as naught bound Barnabas to this world anymore and the witch was free from the chains that bound her to this beast, as was the beast free from her. Yet Barnabas remained. He had grown fond of the lonely witch and intended to remain with her for as long as he physically could. Even against his nature, Barnabas had lost his desire to fool mortal men, to whisk away their souls and to twist their wishes against them. All he now wanted was to see the lonely witch smile warmly and chuckle kindly as he bumbled about. To listen to her babble, to find her flowers for decoration. Before Barnabas could hear the witch's reaction, they were set upon being vengeful men and women, those from whom the witch ad stolen sons, daughters, lovers and siblings from. The witch ran, not wantin' to die at the hands of an angry mob. Barnabas remained to drive the mob away. After several minutes of tusslin' and rampaging, the mob ran away, leavin' Barnabas wounded, but in good health. Barnabas then set to follow his mistress. As he spotted her, lying calmly under a brush, a man struck at the beast's head, taking off one of his horns. Barnabas threw the man a great distance as he approached the witch. To his horror, the witch was bleedin' on the ground with a knife wound near her ribs. The beast tried to bind the wound, but the witch struggled against it. She said that she wanted to die today, for she feared that if she did not do so, she would die alone. She'd not wanted Barnabas to remain, for he'd be gone one day before her death and she'd not the heart to take her own life. Nor did she want to die to a blade filled with anger. With her own blood, upon her own skin, she wrote a new contract. For Barnabas to kill her and in return claim her soul as his own. Bound by a contract, he had to do it. With tears in his eyes, Barnabas held her hand as he gave the witch one last embrace, that of sadness and care, before chokin' her to.

>>53398925
But 'tis not the end yet, children,

Barnabas claimed her soul, a small, fragile white thing, quiverin' like a child in the cold. With care, he carried it to his lost horn and planted both of them in the ground. From it sprung a large, white leafed tree that did not shed for the winter nor bloom in the spring. It simply lived through the seasons. Barnabas then severed his final ties to his master, labeling himself a rebel and a traitor. With his new found freedom, he cared for the tree, brought it flowers to decorate it with, wiped out any critters who'd make a nest in the tree and for hours he'd just stare at the tree, noddin' and hummin' as if the tree talked to him. He'd stay there for hundreds of years, before he'd finally grow weak and tired of livin'. He wrapped the tree's branches 'round his neck and set both on fire. The fires burned the tree and the beast to ashes which then were carried by the winds across the lands. Some say that from those ashes flowers would always spring in pairs, one white and one dark, but always intertwined.

'twas a story me own pappy told me, but yer parents ne'er wanted me to tell it to ye's, for they feared ye would take upon dark magics to summon a devil to reenact the whole story. Hogwash the entire thing anyways, so ye lot's parents can go suck eggs.Now scamper along, I have to tend to me garden again. Darned thing keeps sproutin' weeds and flowers that are a pain to pull since they's roots are always tied together.

File: 1282081973628[1].jpg (113KB, 1276x555px) Image search: [Google]

113KB, 1276x555px

>>53397998
yep, that works. I'll take a look at it tomorrow.

In the meantime, have a Harry Potter themed bump

>>53400704
Cool, thanks anon!

>>53394878
Must be mistaking me for someone else pal. You see I just saw the picture that I posted at >>53245802 and thought to my self "Hmmm, I guess looking at this, I got me a short tale of some peasant woman falling for some foreign soldier, etc."

I guess you must be reffering to another author who's an even bigger elf-fag than I would be.

>>53400704
this image fills me with a rage like i've never felt before

>>53404320
Hate for Chinese Cartoons?

>>53244753
Thanks for updating the wiki and adding muh story Chronics. Thought you were almost dead.

>>53387994
Heh, might come up with something with that pic when I get home...

>>53377959

Chapter 4: Slave girl.

Even after hiking through the woods for a long time, Iza still felt light on Sana's shoulders. Almost fragile. In the last light of the day, the harpy had begun to hum, and only stopped when Sana put her down. Sana stretched her neck and looked up through the leaves. The clouds were broken, and she could see pieces of the clear evening sky. The refreshing scent of the forest lay in the air, mixed with the cool moisture of the earlier rain.

Roa emerged from between the trees with some twigs and branches. 'There's a stream for drinking water over there.' he said.

Sana watched him pile the branches, pushing the thinner twigs in between, before he reached into his pocket and lit a flame with a few strikes of firewood and metal. And it did not escape her that he immediately retreated back a few steps, and watched it from a distance.

'You can add wood if you want.' Roa said. He went around the fire, giving it a wide berth, to Sana, and handed her two small balls. They were greenish brown, and felt solid.

'Eat one of these, and give the other to Iza. Oh, and swallow, don't chew.' Again, he went the long way round to the other side of the fire, and settled down at the base of a tree.

Sana handed Iza one of the little balls and swallowed her own. For a short moment she had a grungy taste on her tongue, but it disappeared after she swallowed a few more times. 'Ugh', moaned Iza beside her, and Sana saw the harpy chewing before she swallowed. Sana stroked her head, before she settled down on a trunk near the fire, appreciating its radiant warmth. Iza hopped to her and settled down next to her, before she lay her head on Sana's lap and gazed into the fire.

'What are the witches of the night-shadows?' Sana asked, facing Roa, who was looking at her. 'One of the men in the canyon called me that.'

>>53406204

Roa didn't answer for a few moments. Then he said, 'Enemies of the Imperium. People who enter into a pact with Mahren, and want to bring about the downfall of the Empire.'

'Why would they call me that? Because of this?' Sana raised her right arm, before letting it fall again.

'Yes. I mean, I saw you from up there. A figure shrouded in shadow and darkness. But I only know of witches who can conjure up the Mahren which they ride on, or which fights for them. I've never heard of witches who've are fused with the Mahren, like you.'

'Maybe I'm not a witch then, and it's not Mahren on my arm.'

'I don't know who or what you are, but you don't seem to want to destroy the Imperium. I mean, you don't even have any idea where you are, am I right?'

Sana looked back into the fire. I might just as well tell him, she thought. He seems to want to help me. 'I come from Naberu. I don't know if you've heard of it. It's a continent, high up in the clouds.'

'No, I haven't. But why are you here?'

Sana began to tenderly stroke Iza's head. By then it had gotten dark, and Sana couldn't see anything outside of the firelight. She asked: 'Do you know who Lakali is?' Sana saw how Roa straightened up and stared at her.

'How do you know that name?'

She told him what had happened so far, up to her crashing out of Naberu. Then, when she told him about the fight with the monster in the forest, he interrupted her. 'Wait a moment, you fought a green Ifrit... and won?'

'Well, "won" is going a little far. It would be more accurate to say I drove it off.'

Roa shook his head and let her finish telling her story. Finally he said: 'So the witches are making their move.', and settled back down again.

'What do you mean?'

'The name that your friend said, Lakali, is the name of the immortal Witch Queen, commander of the Nightshadows.'

>>53406216

'Then she has Rait under her control.' Sana took a breath. Then she said: 'Where can I find her?' It was the first time that she'd heard Roa laugh. It was a deep rumble.

'What exactly are you planning, Sana? Are you just going to walk into the forest and take Rait away from her?'

'If I have to.'

'All right, listen to me. I admire your extraordinary abilities, which you just got today from your arm-thingy-artefact-whatever. But we are talking about hundreds, if not thousands, of Nightshadow witches, each with their own mahren. No one, except the Templars of Light, can stand up to them.

'I'll find a way.'

The wood in the flames crackled softly and Iza's deep breathing could be heard quietly. 'You'd better get some sleep now.' said Roa.

Carefully so as not to wake Iza, Sana lay on her side. She held the head of the harpy gingerly in her hands and placed it beside her on the rustling foliage. Iza immediately edged towards her and pressed against her chest. Sana lay her arm over the delicate-looking creature and closed her eyes.

I will find a way.

* * *

'All right, Sana. Here's the plan.'

She rubbed her eyes and saw Iza, who was poking the extinguished ashes with a twig. Roa stood on the other side of the fire looking over at her. The morning light of the sun shone warmly through the trees, and a pair of birds sang in the distance.

'I need a few moments.' she said, getting up and walking past Roa.

>>53406224

It didn't take her long to get to the stream, and she knelt down and scooped up the clear water. After drinking a few more times she stood up, and blinked. She saw something fiery-red. She rubbed her eyes again and saw a red-haired woman lying there in the undergrowth. 'Roa!', she called out loudly over her shoulder. Then she jumped across the stream and ran to the lifeless body. She pulled the woman out of the undergrowth and realised that it was just a girl. Maybe thirteen or fourteen. She was covered by a piece of cloth which could hardly be called clothes. Just as Rait was, thought Sana.

Roa reached her and at once helped her turn the girl over and feel for a pulse. Chains which were attached to handcuffs rattled slightly.

'She's alive. Let's bring her to the water, and we'll try and wake her.' said Roa.

Sana nodded and together, each holding her under one shoulder, they dragged the girl to the stream. Roa quickly scooped up a handful of water and dumped it mercilessly over her face. Snorting and crying out, the girl's eyes tore open as she jolted in panic.

'Stay calm.' said Roa, and Sana gripped her hand firmly. The girl's gaze jumped skittishly from one to the other.

It took a few moments, then she began to speak with a surprisingly deep voice. 'The Ifrit...'

Roa said, 'There's no Ifrit here, only me, Roa, and that's Sana.'

The girl looked her in the eyes and Sana immediately recognised in them a keen sharpness and focus.

Just like Rait.

'What's your name?' asked Sana.

The girl looked into her eyes and answered: 'Ikalla. I'm from Vintal.' Ikalla sat up and rubbed her temples. 'The Ifrit, it attacked our caravan to the black market.' she said. 'But it overturned it and destroyed everything. That helped me to break out. And then I ran.' She looked down at her wrist, which still had the iron about it.

'How old are you?' asked Sana.

'Fifteen.'

>>53406231

Roa stood up, and held out his hand to her. 'Come with us.' he said. 'We'll take you to Iskanda, the Imperium will be there...'

'The Imperium.' spat Ikalla suddenly, the disgust in her voice contorting her face into an angry scowl. She slapped his hand away. 'Where was the Imperium when we were sold by the orphanage! Where was the Imperium that night the trader bribed the guards of Brasswat not to search the wagons? I shit on the Imperium and those arseholes.'

For the first time, Sana saw something like confusion in Roa's eyes.

'Those were exceptions.' he said. 'I know reliable people in Iskanda who will help you.'

'As far as I'm concerned the whole Imperium can go die.'

Now Sana saw something like anger in Roa's eyes, and he spoke seriously this time: 'The Trimurtian Imperium...'

'Spare me the shit.'

Sana got up and said to Roa, who now had pure rage in his eyes: 'It'd be better if we go back now. Iza's probably already waiting for us and wondering where we are. Ikalla, stay with us for now. Then you don't have to find your way through the forest without company, and when the time comes we'll still have the opportunity to discuss this.'

Roa took a long look at her, and Sana could see in his eyes as the rage abated. She helped up Ikalla, who gave Roa a dirty look.

That look lasted until they returned to Iza, who was peeking out timidly from behind a tree.

'A harpy, huh?' said Ikalla, and eyed Iza, who was now standing behind Sana.

'You wanted to tell me the plan?' said Sana, looking at Roa, who was watching Ikalla closely.

The girl interrupted, 'What's up with your face, anyway? Why are you wearing a mask? Are you ugly?'

Roa walked past Ikana and stood in front of Sana. Now that he was so close, she could for the first time see exactly what the unusual skin around his eyes was. It was dark and scarred. And now she understood why he sat so far from the fire last night.

>>53406238

He began: 'When you told me about Lakali, it was immediately clear to me that something was looming on the horizon. The witches are becoming more active again, and they want to attack the Imperium from within and without. Like so many times before.' He took hold of her right arm and raised it between Sana and himself. 'But they're not ready to attack yet. They seem to be searching for something. Something like what you bear on your arm. Maybe just that, maybe something else as well. But that means that we can strike at them if they're unprepared. If part of their plan is missing. He let go of her arm again.

Sana asked. 'And what's my role in this? I want to free Rait. If we get rid of the witches that's all right with me, but Rait is the most important thing here for me.'

'I'm afraid that will not happen quickly. But as I said, i have a plan.'

Ikalla said: 'You're not serious, right?' She stepped between them and looked from Sana to Roa. 'So you want to go into the Nightshadow forest and take on countless witches? I don't know what's going on with your arm, but I doubt that you could do it even with hundreds of Mahren and someone who knows everything about it.'

She turned straight to Sana and said: 'Listen to me. I don't know you and you don't know me, but I know Roa. I knew I knew that name from somewhere. From the wanted posters in Vintal, which are hung out in front of the garrison. He is an outlaw, sought because he takes the law into his own hands and hunts criminals. Play the hero in Iskanda and...'

'I am loyal to the Imperium.' said Roa.

'Your fucking Imperium is corrupt. Why else would you have to work outside the law?'

'The guards' means are limited.'

Ikalla turned to him and said: 'You mean because they dismissed you? It was all over for everyone to read, the incident with the witch!'

>>53406248

Roa grabbed her by the arm and pushed her behind himself. Then he turned back to Sana and said: 'In Iskanda we'll try to find out what the witches are planning. Unfortunately there are still secret cults and their followers there. We'll go to an old friend of mine, with you and this information. The information then reaches the right people at the top, who then set the Templars in motion. [We then have the means, during this war, to penetrate from the red cliff into the Nightshadow forest unnoticed]. There's only one problem. From there on we're blind - that is to say, no one knows how things look in the Nightshadow Forest, or where to find the Witch Queen and Rait.

'You're all totally crazy.' said Ikalla. 'Sana, don't do this. It's suicide.'

Sana heard Iza say behind her: 'I know no one asked me, but Rait is clearly really important to you. If I had someone that important to me, I would do anything to save them. And if you want me, then I'll be by your side Sana. Even though I can't really do anything and I'm not special.'

Sana smiled and stroked Iza's head. 'What exactly is my role?' asked Sana.

Roa's eyes sparkled and he said, 'You are our trump card. Something that they can't expect or plan for. I want you to practice. I don't know how exactly, but you'll know best. I want you to learn to control this thing and bring it to its absolute maximum potential, because I can promise you that if you ever meet the Witch Queen you'll need everything you have. What do you say?'

Best friends forever, thought Sana.


------

Is Germanbro still around? What do you think of my translation?

>>53397172
Thanks for the feedback anon. Yeah, I agree about my prose; it's part of the reason why I'm hesitant on continuing to eat up storythread posts with it.

Regarding the empty lines, I'll do that from now on. I was using only linebreaks instead of empty lines because that's the way I've seen
dialogue handled in print, at least how I remember it; I've been listening to audiobooks and haven't been reading really much fiction lately but that's a pretty stupid decision considering that it reads awkwardly on a computer.

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>>53406266
I am still around, but very busy at the Moment, sorry. I really like the translation. Haven't found any mistranslations so far. But what do you think about the story so far? Interesting Characters? Plot too slow, fast? Any Problems I overlooked?
Thanks so far.

>>53387994
>Mood Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NknjE2SBPxw

Day 1:

Today's the first day I've been on the run. I ran away from home, had to run away, go away as far as possible. Away from my dad who I loved and whom I look up to, until that evil woman Janna; met with my dad. I hate her, I hate her I hate her I hate her! She ruined my life, broke the love between me and my dad. Mom died in horrible accident and dad ever since has never been the same, but I was there for him. Even though I was just twelve that time and I'm fifteen right now, I've always put him in mind, his well being and even hapiness. But I guess that's not the case anymore ever since Janna and dad met.

At first I thought Janna was an okay woman, maybe she'd help make dad happy and be a good new wife and a good step-mom. But she was horrible! Not to my dad but to me, she hated me, wanted to get rid of me. She always lied about me, about my behavior, about my grades in school and that I was mean and disrespectful to her. And my dad believed her, ever single word and lie she said about me. I told dad my grades are good! And that I have always been studying, attending classes on time, participating in classes, passing tests and exams, good behavior. Even my teachers help tell the truth, and what Janna said about my grades and schooling is false.

But even with that, my dad STILL believed HER! And to prevent the teachers from "intervening," Janna convinced dad to pull me out of school. And now Janna and dad forced me to do house work, cleaning, some cooking and chores. While Janna was the "Bread Winner" of the house, and because of that my dad became lazy and even meaner to me, his own son. But even if dad did not believe me, I still loved him and I was convinced Janna did something to make my dad believe her no matter what.

I'm tired after all that running away from the house and into the forest and trekking in the fields. Better rest now.

>>53406632
Day 2:

I sleeped well enough last night, good thing I planned well enough in running away... We live in a country side in a community, far from the city. I wanted to run into the forest first so that no one back at my community would know where I ran off to, I didn't want my dad, especially Janna to find me or had a clue where I went. Then I'd make my way to fields and find my way back to the road leading to civilization. And maybe I can find me a new home and maybe a new family, or maybe I might end up finding my way to the big city. Again, I sure do hope Janna wouldn't find me, not even dad. I don't wana go back there, not anymore, not ever. There's nothing back there left for me, not even friends in the community or school. Was always a "weird" kid, just kept to myself and was shy. Tired again from all that trekking, still in the woods, maybe I'll find the fields again and hopefully the road.

Day 3:

Still in the wild, I finally got to the fields but no sign of people, not a farm or a house or any people. Better keep moving, I gotta find that road, road leading to a newer place, a town, or the big city.

Day 4:

Still in the fields, no town, no people, nothing! Now I'm lost, I can't believe of all the things I packed: clothes, lots of food, medicine, sleeping bag, tent small enough to fit in my bag and this journal for me to write stuff. But I didn't bring or have a map or a compass, stupid me! I know we should follow a river or stream that might lead to civilization, but I haven't found a river yet. I admit I'm starting to get worried. I really hope I do find the road or a river, writing so far's keeping me calm...

Day 5:

Getting really worried. I did find a river, a small one. But I was always told to find a river and follow it leading to people. But this river's soooo long! I was really tired from just following it. I checked my food, its starting to run low. PLEASE great gods who made this world I hope I find a town and people who can help me.

>>53406772
Day 9:

I can't believe it WRONG WRONG WRONG WAAY!!! WRONG FREAKIN' WAY!!! STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID ME!!!!

I followed the river in the wrong direction and... Ugh! I'm in coast line, a beach I- I just don't know anymore! I've spent the past four days following the river IN THE WRONG DIRECTION and I ended up in the coast line where the river ACTUALLY STARTS, STUPID ME!!!

I already got myself hurt by tripping on some rocks and getting cuts on sharper rocks. Good thing I had medical aid items with me, placed Steri-Strips on my wounds...

Have been rationing my food as best as I can... Tired, can't go back the other way, just a few more days worth of food left. Better ration... Sleepy~----

Day 16:

Is it day sixteen? I honestly can't remember, getting tired, I got like two packs of crackers and two bottles of water left... Lost, don't know where I am anymore. Not familiar with surroundings... Should I still keep writing? So tired...

Day 23 ???:

I don't know how many days to be honest. I just ran out of food and water completely... I guess this is it then? Fifteen year old Paul Garrison, ran away from home, lost in the open wild. Actually surprised I didn't come accross dangerous wild animals like cougars, angry boars or even wolves OR BEARS.

Must have been lucky during those days... If only I followed the right way of that stream now I'm gonna die... Still writing on, maybe someone will find this along with my dead self.

I guess this is it? If I'm gonna die now and today. I guess I can do it in this coast line. In view of the beach, the open sea water and sunset. Atleast I'm gonna die with a pretty view in this beach.

Even though I ran away from home to get away from my bad household... I still love my dad, I know deep down he's still the dad I love and know. It just that evil woman Janna.... If dad is regretting what happened, believing that evil cunt Jana and begging for forgiveness for making me run away. I forgive him... Farewell cruel world.

>>53406407
I'm actually quite enjoying it. I feel like I haven't got very far into it yet, but given how much is left to translate the pace is reasonable.

I guess I feel like Sana is shaping up to be a bit of a Mary-Sue, but I suppose I'll just have to wait and see.

Your worldbuildings seems good, and you deliver it well, weaving it naturally into the story instead of just inserting giant chunks of exposition.

>>53406335
>Yeah, I agree about my prose; it's part of the reason why I'm hesitant on continuing to eat up storythread posts with it.
stop being so nervous. Amateur writers posting their stories is whole point of doing this.

>>53406632
>>53406772
>>53407206
desu it wouldn't be a bad story if you ended it there, although obviously it doesn't have anything to do with the pic so I'm guessing you have more to add.

You write a convincing teenage boy, in that I am torn between sympathy and wanting to smack him.

>>53406407
>>53409061
Can...can you bin it? Or compile it? To read all in one spot?

Asking for a friend.

>>53419260
Of course I have more to add, it ain't the end yet silly. Just stopped there 'cause it was late night at my timezone. And I'm glad you got the type of story I'm writing this week/thread. Hope the mood music I used fits.

>>53407206

...Dear diary... Today is- I don't know, miraculous???? I met a woman, not just any woman. She calls herself a "Lamia", a snake woman or "monster girl" as she says it and her name is Phoebe. She found me lying on the sand, carried me to her home which was a trailer hidden within the nearby woods. I was quite shocked when I woke up in a warm bed and to see her, smiling and having a tray of food and drink. I guess I woke up from the smell of smoked fish.

"There, there sweetie. It's okay, you're safe with me now. Easy there boy, just sit up straight slowly and I'll help you eat." She told me when I woke up from the smell of the food, she did help me eat and drink after being hungry and thirsty to near death. She said I was to rest up after eating and drinking what the food and water she gave me. And after falling back to sleep from the tasty smoked fish and refereshing water she gave me, was when she and I talked.

I got up, walked out of Phoebe's trailer home and saw her on the coast line and saw me. She wavved at me to come over and sit beside her then we begun talking as it was still early morning at four thirty from what I saw in her clock at her trailer. Naturally she asked me what was I doing trekking all alone by myself and how I got lost in the wilderness thanks to the pack she saw carried with me. I told her everything; why I ran away thanks to that fucking witch Janna, my plan to run off to a new town or the big city and find a new family. And how I got myself lost even further in wilderness by following a stream the wrong way and ended up in this coast.

>>53424621

Phoebe noticed I was tearing up at that I was tearing up at that point. And I honestly told her why, not only 'cause I'm lost. But there's no way for me to head back home because there's nothing left back there for me. Because I'm scared dad would be furious thanks to whatever influence Janna has over him. And also Janna herself, who knows? She'd have me sent to where? Jail!? Because she probably lied that I'm a "bad child" or a "delinquent." I honestly just kept goin on and on till I was aware I was tearing up about how my simple life with my dad was ruined by that bitch Janna. I was a good boy, I was an honest son! I did good in school! I studied well! I EVEN KNOW MY ALGEBRA FOR GOD'S SAKES AND THAT WITCH JANNA HAD TO RUIN MY NAME MY IMAGE AND CHARACTER! I HATER HER I HATER HER I HATER HER!!! YES I'M WRITING IN ALL CAPS JST TO SHOW HOW FRUSTRATED I WAS!!!

But then I remembered she started singing, or well she was humming that time. Still singing, she calmed me down with that voice of hers. I guess it was magic? Because as soon as she kept doing that singing or humming- whatever, I stopped my angry spiel and just calmed down. I even stopped shedding bitter tears and just listened to her. And after what felt like five minutes, she wrapped her snake body around me and hugged me with it. And she also hugged me with her human half body.

"Shhhhhh. Its okay Paul. Don't be so angry or sad anymore. Live with me and be with me instead. I promise you will be more happy with me more than ever. So cheer up Paul, Phoebe will help make you a better person, and I'll love you good. So stay with me and you'll be happy. Now give Phoebe a kiss."

Then she kissed me. It was kinda, magical I say. Never thought I'd kiss a girl, or a Lamia like Phoebe. Though she said there are other lucky human guys like me who are with loving monster girls. And she boasted about how monster girls like can be just as loving, or much better in loving and caring normal human women.

>>53424859
After our kissing session, she let go and told me I should relax and enjoy my new home. She's got lots of books she collected from and with the help of friends and other humans who're "pro-monster girl." She said I'll meet her friends and other human guys who also got monster girl lovers too. Right now I should just sit back and relax while she goes gethering for food. And she was not lying about the lots of books part. She has lots of it in her trailer home, more than enough to keep me entertained while she's gone...

>next entry

Dear journal, it has been two weeks since I have now started living with Phoebe, my new Lamia girlfriend. She and I have been making love with kissing so far, but she also taught me how to gather berries, "fruits," and mushrooms that are safe to eat. And I even taught myself how to fish with the useful books I read from Phoebe's book collection. We help each other on chores from gathering firewood, gathering food provided by nature and water for us to drink. And we even entertain ourselves with stories we make up, its evening right now- [the entry ends at this point as there's a clear indication the writer was interuppted while writting]

>>53424993
>the entry following the one that ended prematurely

Dear journal. I could not believe what just happened last night. I had sex... I had sex with Phoebe. It started when she begun singing while I was writing a journal entry and I stopped. She did told me before that Lamias like her have the ability of having an enchanting voice that soothes and calms a person. Making it easy for Lamias to acquire a male human as their husband. And she used it on me to be compliant to her as she "forced herself" onto me, at least gently, softly and lovingly.

Basically I was raped because I had no say in this. Her natural born ability of having an enchanting and hypnotizing voice practically paralyzed me and made me obey everything she said. From telling me to strip my clothes off and letting her have her way with me as she coiled her snake body around me. And then she took my virginity at that point and "making me a man" as she puts it.

Normally such an act is horrible and criminal and I'd be mad for being used like that... But I was not mad and I'm not mad or furious right now either. Because I loved it, loved the feeling of not only sex with Phoebe, but the feeling someone holding me, embracing me and loving me. Such feelings and love that have not felt for almost a long time. And a sense of belonging, with someone I'd love for the rest of my life.

I'm writing this entry right now while at bed, just a few hours from the moment I had my first time sex with Phobe, my Lamia girlfriend. And maybe soon-to-be-wife. Getting sleepy now, should probably rest. I'm wondering what lies ahead next day, with my dear Phoebe.

>>53425148
Day 1:

I'm starting my new journal entries by listing this as my first entry for my new life.

It has been two whole months and a week after Phoebe and I have officially declared ourselves a "married couple." There was no priest or wedding ceremony to make it "official" but me and Phoebe are happy with loving each other. And I can get used to being called husband and calling Phoebe my wife, or "darling."

There have been changes, changes to my body specifically. I may be a fifteen year old teenager who's expecting further puberty. But the puberty I expected not only came soon just a week after having continious sex with Phoebe. But it was an unusual feeling, I've grown slightly taller than my average height as I'm now about chest height to Phoebe and I've even grown some slight muscles.

Yeah that's right I have some muscles. Not muscular, but slightly toned. Phoebe told me its a process called "Incubisation." In which I become an Incubus, but I don't transform into a male version of a Succubus, but I gain magical body changes by having constant sex with Phoebe. The magical process of incubisation includes genital enlargment and body changes such as increased muscle mass and increased height. Though the changes can differ judging from the monster girl herself and her human husband. Basically I become a human man that's "convenient and or ideal" for a monster girl, or in this case; Phoebe, my Lamia wife.

I'm getting used to not only becoming an "ideal man" for Phoebe, but living the life with her. Gathering food and water, gathering firewood, cleaning and maintaining the integrity of her trailer home and lots and lots of great sex with her. I also am looking forward to meeting Phoebe's fellow monster girl friends she says live nearby; hidden from other humans. Along with their husbands who're fellow humans such as myself.

Well I'm preparing dinner for her and myself right now with the big fish I caught this afternoon...

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>>53400704
>>53397998
okay, timezones being what they are this still counts as tomorrow for me.

Two main points:
- I think you need to be more specific about what your main character is trying to achieve. It's something about a new type of magic and non-vocal casting, but that's a little vague. The last thing you want is people getting three quarters of the way through the story and asking 'wait, why is he doing all this again?' Along with that, be more specific about what the scrolls are. Because as it stands they're really just a macguffin.

Point 1b - be a little more detailed in explaining /why/ he's doing it, i.e. give your character some sort of motivation.

- The other point is that I don't think you need to include the Vatican. Firstly, religion and Harry Potter don't mix. J.K. Rowling went seven books (and a play and a movie) without mentioning it, and that was a good choice because once you start to bring religion in it raises all sorts of awkward questions. Also, the Vatican is a bit... well, basic. I'm not sure how to explain it better than that, but let's just say I don't think putting people in mind of the Da Vinci Code is a good thing. Another problem is that you have your characters travel to it by train. I don't know if you're American and just don't have a detailed knowledge of European geography, or if you were trying to stretch a point, but I don't see anyone travelling from Scotland to central Italy by train.

Maybe you could use the British Museum in London. Plenty of ancient material, no religious themes, reachable from Scotland by train.


I think you've got the outlines of a decent fanfiction story there. Be interested to see it if you ever write it up.

>>53404320
how d'you like this one?

>>53419260
Well my story for this week's thread's done.

>>53406632
>>53406772
>>53407206
>>53424621
>>53424859
>>53424993
>>53425148
>>53425363

So, much better and satisfying. Thoughts people?

>>53425572
>okay, timezones being what they are this still counts as tomorrow for me.
No a problem, I'm just thankful you took the time to read it and offer some feedback. I'll see about making those changes you suggested - thanks again for the input.

When I post again I'll put "HPRP Outline" in the subject since you seem interested in it. I'll even namefag as "Bannerguard" if that helps.

>>53425363
>>53425722
>a montergirl 'incubising' a pre-pubescant teenage boy.
Okay... very romantic, I guess. I mean, it's not bad, just a little disturbing.

>>53426279
cool