Storythread

>>53200984

"Mom, Mom, Mom! They have a fire one, come look! Hurry!"

Anna smiled as her daughter ran halfway down the aisle towards her, waving her arms in the air, before turning and running back towards the far end of the store. She followed at a more sedate pace, apologising to the shoppers who her daughter had nearly bowled over in her enthusiasm.

When Anna reached the section of the store under the "Reptiles" sign, she found Sophie had her nose pressed against the extra-thick glass of large ash-floored terrarium with a realistic-looking log smoldering in the middle. The "almost nine" year-old girl seemed to be trying to pass through the glass via osmosis, the entirety of her focus on the small glowing reptile scampering through the flames. Anna smiled at the sight for a few seconds before gently prying her daughter back from the glass.

"He's so cute! Look at his little tail!" the girl was practically vibrating with excitement, "Can we get him Mom? Can we? Can we?"

Anna's smile froze a little as she glanced at the two price-tags stuck to the glass. The one was reasonable, if a bit higher than she'd expected, but the terrarium itself seemed to be even more expensive than it looked, and that wasn't even factoring in how much it must cost to keep a flame like that going. She must have let more of her thoughts show on her face than she'd thought, because before she could say anything, Sophie entered full damage-control mode.

"He's not THAT expensive Mommy. I have all my allowance saved up, and I won't ask for a birthday present," her expression seemed caught between pleading and determined, "OR a Christmas present either."

>>53203642

Anna sighed. "It's not about the price, Honey. Fire dragons can't live in a house until they're full grown, they take a lot more care than the other types," she explained. "Why don't we go look at the green or bronze ones, or maybe they have a frost whelp here. Wouldn't it be better to get one that you can actually hold and pet yourself? And take outside with you on walks or in the car on trips?"

"No it wouldn't! None of those are nearly as smart: you can't teach then their names or to do tricks at all, except the frost ones, but you can't hold them without gloves or take them outside in the Summer before they're grown either!"

Anna floundered for a counter to these unfortunately valid points, "But they need so much care when they're small," she reiterated "and the house insurance-"

"I can keep his terrarium in my room and take care of him all myself. And the wiki says he only needs a year and a half to grown his outer scales, then he can walk around the house without starting fires just like a normal one!" Sophie's eyes grew pleading, "I can get a job and pay for his food and gas: I'll help Mrs. Matthews garden every weekend, and I'll sign up for a paper route, and I'm almost old enough to babysit... Pleeeeease? I promise I'll never complain again and get good grades for the rest of my life!"

Anna felt her resolve failing under the barrage, but made one last ditch effort. "We'll have to ask your father first, this is a big decision."

Sophie's smile returned, stretching nearly ear to ear "YES! Thank you Mommy, thankyou thankyou thankyou." She turned back to the terrarium and smashed her nose to the same spot it'd been before. "I'm going to bring you home and name you Smaug, and I'll build you your own little horde to sleep on, and feed you fresh charcoal every day, and teach you to blow smoke rings, and..."

>>53203642
>>53203657

That's all I got this week Chonicler. If you're still capping and saving these, I'd request you title that one something to do with princesses and dragons.

>>53203674
Yeah, I really need to remember to update the wiki

also, good story

>>53200928
Again, like all the other nights, she found herself staring at the sky.

It was routine at this point, though she couldn't really remember why it started. She internally explained it as simply appreciating its beauty. After all, one of the few advantages of living in this nowhere town was the complete lack of light pollution.

Hell, she thought, 22 whole years in this place on the dot and I've seen every night sky it's offered me. All that time and not even one holiday. She damned her father again for leaving without even something so simple as a card, and in a secret wisper damned her mother's death for leaving her alone. Now it was just her and the sky.

Though the stars looked different tonight, brighter and more plentiful. And then their voice spoke.

"Child, again you have come"

>>53200928
The Moon was breath-taking. It sat in the bed of stars, as though it was the source of the celestial rivers that made up the night sky. Each one flowing with a grace that only those far from the Earth could ever know. Streams of light shining on, undaunted by the dark that surrounded them. Powerful enough to keep themselves alight despite the cold and unfeeling void between their brothers. Hopeful. Radiant. Uplifting.
Amid the cool wind of the night, surrounded by the glowing splendor she failed to notice. She felt small.

>>53203995
She stood dead still. Was this it? Finally mad like everone said. But before she could raise her voice the stars raised theirs in a choir that was still one soul. In that moment the primal part of her recognized the voice of her father.

"I am sorry for this. I wished you never to have known of my world, but that is no longer possible."

His world? Am I a fucking half-alien?

"The Gods have long walked the Earth, loving the mortals who walked with them. Your mother was magnificent, with hair like the sunset and the sky in her eyes I could never had closed my heart to her."

The anger rose in her now. All this talk of loving her mother, but never even a visit? Her mind raced to find a logical awnser to this, as the factor of divine heritage had been quickly accepted.

"But alas, the cells of those we cast to the depths have been broken, and Heaven is beseiged. I wished to give you a life , but this war needs soldiers on the frontline."

With this enrollment, the stars united into one single gleam in the sky. The solitary light came streaking down, and before her stood a sword that blazed with pure white.

"Just remember, my little girl, whenever you feel alone, look to the night sky and you will find me."

And then the stars went quiet.

She wanted more. She wanted to release the rage of two decades on absence followed by 5 minutes of nonsense. Yet deep down she recognized the truth, all this was real, and there was no point in hiding from it. So she stepped forth, taking yhe blade of starlight, and began her existence as a Scion.

First time doing this, didnt expect it to end up as a specific system, but it grew in the telling. Probably going to use this if I ever play a game of it.

I'd love some feedback on this one.

Reworked it a little bit, want the character to come across. Don't know if the nudity is too much.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1P2w3umTbYt3hkTErOcs-caoJ8C3WQi3eYBBVB0UBypI/edit?usp=sharing

>>53205199
I remember this one, the discussion we had about what feels tasteful or distasteful about the scenario, few months back.
I don't really have the time to read the new parts right now, but I hope to get to it either tomorrow evening, or the day after tomorrow. Hope you'll be still sticking around.

>>53205317
Tightened up a lot of the language, and fixed the ending to more character appropriate.

Just thinking of ditching the full nudity for typical fantasy loincloth/rags instead.

>>53203642
>>53203657
Apart from a few typos that's pretty much perfect. Well done anon.

>>53203995
>>53204293
Seems like a cool concept anon. Maybe a little too reminiscent of Percy Jackson for my taste. Writing was okay though.

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Gonna Repost my story from the two previous thread for in case anyone has not seen it yet:

Today is a bright and sunny, yet cool day, as a half elf child was going out to either play in the front lawn of her home or take a walk with her pet crabworm by her side.

"Mom, dad! I'm gonna head outside!" the half-elf girl named Halanis said out loud to her parents.

"Alright sweetie, don't be out for too long. So come back before ten its ten in the morning. It'll get hot at that time till three, so you got two and a half hours left!" Her human dad replied out loud.

"Okay dad!" She said as she opened the door, waited for her pet crabworm to come along with her and once ger pet crabworm; Snickers, was out with her. She closed the door shut.

"Where is Halanis going out to George?" Halanis' elven mother asked her human husband.

"Oh just heading out for a walk around their neighborhood. And maybe passing by one of the other nearby subdivisions." Answered the human father. "So whatcha watching Elasha?" George the human father and husband asked his elven wife.

"The local news and apparently it says some minor nobleboy from a foreign land's gonna move in here. In this city."

"Really? An aristo's child is gonna live here?"

"I guess so, I wonder where though? And when he and his associate's gonna be arriving-"

As Elasha was speaking on, the local news channel made a recent update as the screen now instantly switched to a journalist in a news-copter.

"We are now seeing the limousine carrying the nephew of a Duke from the country of Plovania heading to a suburbian neighborhood. It is most likely that this Plovanian nobleboy will be residing in a house within this residential district."

Then another news anchor was showed in the screen. "Has there been any further developments or details as to why a Plovanian noble has decided to have their child or relative moved into this country?"

>>53209435
The news anchor in the news copter flying over a residential area replied. "So far we have been told by municipality of this territory has said that the nobleboy from Plovania in question is a young man of the age of seventeen. It is also said the nobleboy is being moved in this here residential area to further studies and to also help expand international ties with Plovania and The Republic of Staoburg. And as you can see the three vehicle convoy, which is composed of two SUVs and the limo carrying the nobleboy, is about to enter one of the neighborhood blocks as seen below..." The journalist in the news-copter paused and looked to his side then faced back to the camera. "-Unfortunately we have to stop following this convoy, as according to the pilot we are running low on gas-"

Then Elasha widened her eyes as she leaned closer from the couch in the living room and looked closely to the screen of the TV. "Wait a minute doesn't that look like the very residential block WE live in???”

“…Yeah I think you’re right.” Said George as he also looked on the TV screen, but just as both George and Elasha were listening closely to the news they heard the sounds of vehicles stopping by in front of their house. George turned off the TV as Elasha quickly got to the front door as George followed. And when Elasha and George both got to the door to open it, they saw their half elf daughter Halanis with someone they never expected.

>just mere minutes ago, outside

Halanis was breathing in the fresh morning air, but something seemed odd. She noticed some neighbors outside staring to the right side of the road, she was about to ask some of the nearby neighbors but then quickly turned her head to the same direction everyone else seemed to be looking at and saw three vehicles incoming. Two SUV bearing flags and a limousine.

>>53209450

>BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SQRCUMEEt0

Three vehicles were now parked in front of the large villa that so happened to be just in front of the very house which Halanis and her parents lived in. The two flag bearing SUVs moved again, the one in the lead of the limo parked at the middle of the street, blocking two lanes as the second SUV also did the same from behind the limo, effectively blocking the street ehich the large empty villa and several houses including Halanis' were in.

This caused some of the neighbors and residents to whisper and talk quietly to each other in wondering who this very seemingly important person is, as the back passenger door of the limousine opened and out came a young man, or teenaged boy, dressed in a fancy and or formal dress uniform that was adorned in floral emblem pins. This teenage boy also wore a peaked cap along with hi uniform, his cap had what Halanis could tell, was a emblem that was two crossed roses surrounded by a wreath or a vine.

The regal and or important looking teen boy looked to his surroundings, looking at the on looking citizens, the general area he was in and then he noticed Halanis and looked onto her, which made Halanis quite cautious or suspicious. Halanis and this teen boy stared at each other for about two minutes till the teenaged boy gave off a smile and a light wave of a hand which slightly surprised Halanis, but gave a smile and waved back in return.

Then from the other side of the limo, out came another person, this time an older adult who was dressed in a business suit and then another adult; a woman holding a clipboard. And then the passenger doors of the two SUVs that were blocking both sides of the road opened out came some gruff looking security men who were wearing body armor. Then the older adult who came from the limo called for the teen boy by motioning his hand to come over.

>>53209462
The important looking teen boy looked behind him and noticed the older adult man beckoning him to come over. Then turned back to Halanis and simply said as he raised his hand to his middle body. "Wait here, I'll be back." He said in his foregin accent as he jogged to where the older man and that business woman with the clipboard were.

Halanis had no clear idea as to who this young man is either that he is new to town and may be moving into town. Halanis' pet Crabworm Skittles made a squawk-like sound and some light clicks, speaking to its owner.

"Nope, I have no idea who that boy is Snickers... Though he looks pretty nice. Like what he's wearing too. And I wonder what he, that business lady and that older guy are talking about..."

Halanis just looked along with Snickers the Crabworm as the boy and the older man were conversing, both taking turns in conversing with the business woman aswell. The nearby residents just watched on and traded whispers and or spoke in hush tones on the sight of a very regal and rich looking boy.

However, as Halanis and some of the neighbors and residents looked on. Halanis’ parents, George and Elasha had a good idea on who this new potential neighbor may be. Both George and Elasha guessed this rich and noble looking aristo-boy was that Plovenian nobleboy or aristocrat who was said to be moving into this very neighborhood, according to the local news.

“You think that’s him? The boy who looked on to our little girl?” George asked.

“Well judging by the fact that those SUVs and that limo there are bearing the coat of arms of the aristocracy of Plovenia. Yes, most definitely. And I guess everyone’s as surprised to see that aristocrat boy arrive her at early this morning.

>>53209475
“Hang on Elasha, look. I think that boy is coming back.” George said as he notices the nobleboy exchanging a couple more words and conversation with the accompanying older man and the business woman. Both Elasha and George also noticed the nobleboy pointing at their daughter Halanis’ general direction and also saw the accompanying older man glance and give a nod to the nobleboy. At which the nobleboy is seen clasping and rubbing his hands as he could be seen at the other side of the limousine he rode in, getting something from the passenger’s side and whatever it was, he hid it behind his back as he seemingly walked back to where Halanis was at.

Two of the security escorts were about to walk along with the aristocrat boy but he simply told them to stay and not follow by raising his hand, motioning the guards to stay still as the aristo-boy continued on.

“George… He’s coming near our front lawn again, to our daughter.” Elasha said indicatively.

“Really?” Said George as both he and Elasha looked on what was going to happen while they were within the doorway of their house.

##

Halanis could see the aristo-boy approaching her again and also wondered what he was holding behind him. Finally he walked back to the same spot he was standing in front of Halanis and he gave another big smile and spoke.

“Uh, Hello again miss.”

“Uhh… Heh, Hello to you to.” Halanis replied back meekly.

“*AHEM* Bendicht. My name is Bendicht Rhyner.” He said while maintaining his smile. “Bendicht Rhyner of House Rhyner, the noble house that makes and grows the best and most beautiful flowers in all of Plovenia, at your service.” He simply said and he looked on Halanis’ side to see Snickers, Halanis’ pet Crabworm. “Ah. I did not notice you have a pet crabworm there. From where I came from, such creatures are illegal to keep as pests and are treated as pests to be exterminated… Oh I almost forgot my manners, what is your name???”

>>53209499
Halanis was more interested now that Bendicht asked what her name is as she responded calmly. “Halanis, Halanis Ianrora is my name… So you’re a ‘noble?’ That means you’re a prince Bendicht?”

Bendicht Rhyner replied with a chuckle. “Heh, no dear Halanis. While we do have a merchant king, I’m no prince, nor am I part of the Royal Family that rules Plovania. I’m however of House Rhyner though; cousin of Andrin and Binia Rhyner.”

Halanis asked. “Soooo… What are you really gonna be doing in here? Are you and your family moving in here?”

“Well, not exactly. I’m only here to pursue education in this democratic nation of yours. My parents and other relatives decided I should study abroad since countries such as this have a wider array of schools and education, asides from reading, writing and math. True, Plovenia has esteemed educators around and schools everywhere, but my family decided I take lessons of advanced learning such as politics, economics and even the arts elsewhere.”

Halanis was intrigued and further inquired. “Really now? Maybe we might see each other at the same school… But where are you gonna stay exactly?”

Bendicht pointed at the empty villa that his limo is parked in front of while the accompanying older man and the business lady were still seen talking in front of its gate too. “That villa over there. We had it talked over to the ‘real estate’ and housing offices that we’ll be residing in there since it had a nice design. And that this suburban block is just a few kilometers from the big city.”

“‘We?’ Who’re you with?”

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>>53209512
Halanis asked and Bendicht pointed at where the business woman with the clipboard and older man that was accompanying Benedicht was. “That middle-aged man you see there. That’s my uncle, Florus Looser. He came along with me to act as a parental figure, guardian and to guide me around in the ‘more democratic’ land since certain things don’t work the same as I know back at Plovenia or in the lands that my family owns and governs. And that business lady, she’s a real estate agent whom we’re discussing ownership of that villa. And the armed men you are seeing, they’re our security detail.” Bendicht paused for just a short moment to inquire another question about Halanis herself, and then spoke again.

“So Halanis, judging from your appearance. You are a half elf, you have a beautiful elven face but while your ears are pointed they are not as long as a normal elf. Plus your eyes are of human quality and looks.”

Halanis nodded at that but could not help a small giggle. “Yes that’s right. And really, is that true? …You think I’m pretty?”

“Of course you are, not solely because you are of elven blood and genes. But even if you are a human, I think you’d still look stunning.” Benedicht said assuringly and Halanis let out another giggle and Bendicht continued. “I just speak the truth, not trying to court or woo you though hehehe, to soon yes?”

Another giggle from Halanis. “Ehehe, yeah true. Plus my mom would’ve flipped if I dated someone too soon.”

Just then, Bendicht’s uncle Florus called to him. “Bendicht! Come over here! We are heading back to the municipal hall.”

Bendicht looked over to his uncle Florus and spoke back out loud. “Yes I’m coming.” Then faced Halanis again. “We’ll have to continue such conversations another time Halanis. My uncle and other familial related duties are calling me again.”

>>53209525
“Oh! Before I leave, here. For you and maybe your parents too.” Bendicht quickly showed to Halanis what he was keeping behind his back the whole time, a sunflower. Which Halanis was slightly surprised that Bendicht was hiding something behind his back the whole time, as he continued on. “A sunflower, grown in the soils of House Rhyner’s illustrious gardens. Besides there is a reason why the formal outfit I’m wearing has floral insignias, it is my family’s crest since we grow the most exquisite flowers in all of Plovenia.”

Halanis’ pet crabworm Skittles stuck out its tongue and did a raspberry to Bendicht, finding what he just did to be cheesy. And Halanis; though initially hesitant, accepted his gift as Bendicht tipped his peaked cap before Halanis got the sunflower from his hand. Bendicht placed back his hat and immediately went back to the limo he and his uncle were riding in and the guards that were accompanying them also went back to their SUVs. Bendicht and his uncle Flores got back into their limo and so did that real estate woman who wrote something in her clipboard and went along with them.

And soon, the security SUVs that formed a perimeter on the road infront of the empty villa and infront of Halanis’ home drove, with the limo on the middle. As the on-looking residents including Halanis watched the convoy driving off until they could no longer be seen. And after that, the on-looking residents decided to continue on with their day while some simply went back inside. And so did Halanis, but as she decided to walk back inside she was slightly surprised to see her parents were there on the door front. Realizing they likely watched the whole thing happen.

>>53209539
“Looks like you got yourself a new boyfriend Halanis!” Her dad, George said jokingly with a grin.

“What the!? Dad! He’s not a boyfriend! Just a new neighbor and maybe friend! I’m not ready yet.” Said Halanis.

“Indeed, don’t tease our daughter like that George. A relationship is quite a non-laughing matter-” Halanis’ elven mom said as she was cut off by George.

“Aw come on girls, lighten up. I was just kidding I know he could be a new friend AND neighbor Halanis. I overheard him saying to you he and his guardian’s moving in to that villa in front of us.”

“And with those aristocratic nobles moving in, they’d probably make that villa look even more elegant, luxurious and fancy with the money they’re likely packing.” Elasha said as she looked at the sunflower that Halanis was given by Bendicht as Halanis decided to hand it over to her mom and Elasha inspected it closer. “Well they don’t lie when they say House Rhyner of Plovenia grow the finest flowers you’d ever see. I’ve been alive for about a hundred-plus years and they still make such top quality flowers… How about we all head back inside, this sunny day is starting feel more humid right now, I’ll go make us some juice.”

Halanis and George the father both were please by that. “Of course dear, you elves always make the best foods and drinks humans would die for.”

“Mhhmm, thank you for such a lovely compliment dear husband. And Halanis, I’m actually looking forward to meet your new friend and neighbor. And I have a feeling we’ll be able to meet him again, and probably his relatives who’d be along with him in staying in this country. And I’ll find a nice spot to plant this flower.”

Halanis was delighted. “Aww thanks mom, and yes let’s get back inside. We love your juice mom. C’mon Skittles, we can walk later afternoon. We’re having mom’s juice.”

Halanis’ pet crabworm clicked approvingly as they all went back inside.

>>53209552
>Meanwhile inside the limo carrying Bendicht

"We'll just reach the municipal hall, discuss that you'll be residing in that villa, sign the legal papers. Pay then we're all done-" A ring came from the business woman's cellphone. "Hold on, let me take this." She answered her phone to talk to her caller.

As the three-vehicle convoy was carrying Bendicht Rhyner and his uncle Florus Looser was on its way to the inner city area to reach the municipal hall. Uncle Florus spoke to Bendicht.

"Huh, just first day in this country and already you've been struck by a pretty girl?" Bendicht jolted his head, facing his uncle and was surprised by the question as Florus continued. "Come now Bendicht, you really thought I did not notice you chatting up with that elven girl? Tell me? You've already gotten a crush with your soon-to-be-neighbor?"

Bendicht replied meekly. "First off, she is a half elf. And second... Yes, I have an. Infatuation for that girl I just met."

Florus scooted closer to his nephew lightly patted his shoulder. "Now now Bendicht, there is nothing wrong with that. You are a growing man, and such feelings for being attracted to a girl is normal. Do not worry, pretty sure you'll meet her again soon enough once we get the legal process of moving into that abode in that neighborhood. Besides she looked like she lived in that house in front of the villa we'll be residing in."

Its true, Halanis lived in that house in front of the villa Bendicht will be staying in while being in this country to prusue and further his studies. This give Bendicht Rhyner motivation, motivation to be a good studious and well mannered boy for his crush. His crush that he just met in his first day in this foregin land.

>>53209435
>>53209450
>>53209462
>>53209475
>>53209499
>>53209512
>>53209525
>>53209539
>>53209552
>>53209560

Well forgive the dump there storythread. But I just dumped this here so that folk who didn't see this from the previous two threads can see this.

So what you think???

Is there any native English speaker, who is able to read German, interested in translating between 1000-2000 words dual-weekly from German to English for me? I can't offer money, but maybe it can help you learn the language.

>>53205126
To many, the Halls of Death are the last place they would want to ever arrive. It means the end of their lives, the point where they can never see their loved ones ever again. Their crimes are judged here, and nothing they do can avoid this.

To the Reaper, these halls have become his only sanctuary. His only job is to judge the souls of the dead and assign them to the proper afterlife out of the thousands that exist. It has been so long since he first began that the faces have all slowly blended together into a shapeless mass. He never gets attached to any of them, never asks for any more than their name. He simply judges and then move to the next.

There are only two constants in this eternity: the Halls, and his assistant, a small ebon-skinned Drow child. The child always scurries about, fetching anything his master needs. The dead often see him, but never do they ask what his purpose is. The sight of that boy leaning as his master pats his head is enough to tell his purpose. His smile when his master praises him is the one thing anyone looks forward to in these halls. To his master, the child is a trusty assistant, the one thing he could attach himself to. The Reaper cares not about where he came from or why he so eagerly obeys, but the company does much to stave away the monotonous boredom. The child similarly cares not for the countless visitors, but his time in servitude has given him more happiness than he ever knew. His master petted him, gave him conversation, and let him live somewhere where he would never feel alone. Even if each day is merely an endless series of errand-fetching, he still smiles knowing he has provided for his master.

This dynamic may never change, and that suits both master and servant just fine.

>>53215756
Ich kann ein bisschen Deutsch verstehen.

Ich kann Deutsch nicht so gut dass ich von Englisch ins Deutsch fliessend ubersetzen konnten, aber vielleicht kann ich Deutsch ins Englisch schaffen. Posten Sie ein Beispiel deines Texts und ich werde es mir anschauen, wenn du willst.

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>>53217310
Would be something like this.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QJrwfCV9GqORcUL9Sj1XsiFIWMsmDdR-R0QHKEkv1C8/edit

Would love to be able to translate it myself and then share it in these threads, but I am not confident enough in my English writing abilities.

>>53209247
I still remember the day they came. The elven forces from their homeland of Shene Edhil along with an important elven politician and a company of a hundred-plus elven warriors and mages who came along with him for protection. The elves of Shene Edhil came here to the land of Keshaodor and to our kingdom of Foltuna to make an alliance with our prince and princess who rule over our lands and kingdom, and I witnessed the elves marching to our capital city of Heiruu since I live and work at the outskirts of the capital city. My name is Kianna Wittwer, and I work as an assistant to a farmer, a few stable hands and as a milkmaid. I’ve personally bore no personal interest or disinterest to the elven people, I just simply view them as different people with differing views, ideologies and abilities just like the dwarves, halfings and civilized orcs.

During the day I witnessed the elves marching into Heiruu I have noticed some of the people who lived in the outlying villages and houses outside the city walls have welcomed, greeted and even ‘fraternized’ with the elven soldiers and even wizards that arrived. A normal thing I thought, since this was a way for some people to greet foreign visitors to our lands, not to mention an elven ambassador was visiting, so this was all likely a way to show some friendliness to the eyes of the elven people and that the elven ambassador would tell good things about us when she reaches back to her homeland. I never knew the finer details that took place in the negotiations between the elf diplomat and our princes and princess other than it took about two days for the diplomat and our prince and princess to reach an agreement. And the result is a certain form of trade partnership between Keshaodor and Shene Edhil, but such political matters are best left to those who specialize it or are interested in it.

>>53218131
However I did know and was aware that a part of the agreement made by the elven ambassador and our prince and princess was that an embassy was to be setup within the capital’s boundaries. And I witnessed more and more people and my neighbors socializing and fraternizing with the elven guardsmen and overseers who’re stationed in the outskirts of Heiruu to guard and protect the construction efforts of the elven embassy and its workers and artisans. The people and my neighbors even socialized and made friendly chit-chat with the elven masons and workers who were building the embassy of Shene Edhil, the socializing between the citizens of Heiruu and the stationed elves was mostly friendly conversations. While some of the elven soldiers and mages even gave out candies, treats and some toys to children as a certain way of winning hearts and minds or showing peace and friendliness.

And almost un-surprisingly I even expected some socializing and fraternization between Heiruu citizens and the elven personnel involved some ‘fun times’ with working girls, strumpets and lusty elven men. It is said that elven people are uppity, proud, sometimes arrogant and even boisterous about their heritage, bloodlines, mannerisms, sophistication, abilities and achievements about themselves and their race in general. But alas, it seems even a sophisticated, well-traveled and knowledgeable elven person would practice in such ‘degenerative’ or an ‘unproductive’ vice such as bedding with a human whore. But of course there was also the remarkable case of one of those stationed elven personnel being, legitimately in love or falling for with a townsperson’s son or daughter, one case and instance even involved some elven mage; who was a woman, bedding with the teenage son of a butcher that caused some slight controversy between the elven personnel and Heiruu citizens.

>>53215756
I had a try at the first few paragraphs. I may come back and do some more later, but it takes a while.

-----


'Be very careful.' said Sana to herself, trying to keep up her courage, her body pressed close to the cold rock. Behind her the wall of the tunnel had collapsed, opening up the passage to the sky, and a cold wind whipped about over the torn blanket of cloud. Immersed in the light of the shining morning sun, the clouds were a soft pink.

She brushed a gold-blonde strand from her face. The second time, she thought - I should have tied my hair back. She gripped the old beam with her left hand. It led along the wall, across the chasm, to the solid ground on the other side. A blast of wind shook Sana, but her feet stood firm on the small ledge.

She was very aware that this was her most dangerous undertaking so far. Master Ruven will scold me, she thought. But she was more hopeful of finding something exceptional this time.

The researcher who had been in Ruven's shop two days ago had told them of this new secret entrance. He himself couldn't descend into the tunnels, for his work called him back to Akhor. Sana's Master Ruven would probably have gone himself, but he was getting too old for that sort of thing now. So on her free day Sana went herself - in secret - to search for the new entrance and the new unknown artefacts, which hopefully she would be able to sell in Ruven's business.

First, however, she had to get out of this tricky situation. The crag on which she'd got here had broken away under her feet, and only a daring leap onto the beam had saved her from falling into the endless depths below. Only a small outcrop offered her toes some kind of hold.

Sana looked down at her blue trousers. They were smeared with dirt. On her right hip there was a rope rolled up and clipped to her belt. She looked at the tunnel across the chasm, but there was nothing there she could snag the rope on.

'Of course not.' she muttered to herself.

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>>53218425
Thanks so far, should the thread be dead by then, you can also send it per email. It's on top of the document.

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Would any of you like to read my story/poem about a lake monster? I'm kind of shy with this sort of stuff and would love some feedback.

>>53218983
I say post it. The community is actually really supportive here usually

>>53218998
Okay, what's the best way to share it? I can post it in like 20 minutes.

Would y'all prefer the "broken" 5 page poem, or the condensed version? Content wise, they're identical, I just like writing in stanzas and separating my thoughts with line breaks. Both ways it reads just fine, I just read the "broken" version a little better aloud.

>>53219045
Look back over the thread and see how people do it. For particularly long pieces, to avoid posting ten times, just link a read only google doc.

>>53219045
Either's good.

>>53219168
How do I share it as read-only? I'm not very good at computers.

>>53221509
Share, give permission for anyone who has the link to read only.

>>53221528
Thanks buddy, if you'd like to read it, here's the link:

The Beast That Lurks Within The Lake:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1K8TFALz5zvZfQNi3TNdIxfEYYGqrP6bn0fIwLUu1AWI/edit?usp=sharing

>>53218151
However I’m not the one to really judge… Since I too also fell in love with one of those elves.

“Hello mam.” I still remembered the day he met me, greeting me with that attractive voice of his. Still remembering the image of him in his service uniform and armor, with his helmet removed and being held by his side, and having a gentle smile. He was an elf, but I noticed his face and chin was not like his elven brethren. His face looked almost human, but he had ears that were almost pointed and one thing that made him look very different is that he has facial hair, as in a very short beard, a five-o-clock shadow to be precise. And during that first time I saw him I was in a daze, almost in a trance at just looking at his admiringly beautiful face, and combined with that small amounts of facial hair.

"Uh, mam. Do you know where I and my comrades can have some refreshments? As in a pub or a restaurant here within the outskirts?” He asked with a gentle and quite genuine smile. And only after he spoke again that time did I snapped out of my trance and answered his question immediately.

“Uhm, over there… Do you see that large wooded building over there, about three blocks away?”

I told him as he replied. “Uhm mam, ALL the houses in these outskirts are wooden.”

“Oh no, the one with the colored roof? That there is Elsa’s Pub. Not sure why you folk wish to dine at Elsa’s. Surely you elves would’ve had reservations in the inner city’s finest dining joints, correct?” I inquired politely as he spoke back with a chuckle.

“Ehehehe, well it is true. But most of those eateries are too crowded with my elven brethren as of now. And me and my other elven brethren here figured we’d enjoy lunch in outskirts where there’d be a pub that is… Less accommodated, not that we’re trying to criticize, we’re just finding a more vacant venue.”

>>53218425

She reached for the long knife that she carried on her left hip. Let's see if you're worth the money, she thought - although if not I'm not going to get the opportunity to ask for a refund. She drew the blade.

With both hands she gripped the handle of the weapon and pressed the tip of the blade behind the beam. The knife let itself be pushed between the wood and the rock. Sana breathed deeply. Then she stepped off the ledge and her body weight rammed the edge ever deeper behind the wood... and stuck. Sana's heart raced, and a shiver ran down her back.

After she had pulled herself back onto the narrow ledge again she got her rope and looped the middle around the knife's handle, so that the two ends dangled into the depths.

'So far, so good.' she muttered to the wall. She knotted the two free ends in several places, and at regular intervals tied them together, then let the rope drop from the ledge, down to the sample. Exactly as I imagined it, a rope-ladder, she thought, grinning. Then she put her foot on the first step.

Her weight only tightened the knots even more. After a few moments she was standing on the last knot, all she could see under her was the ripples and lumps of the clouds. Before her she saw the underside of her native Naberu. The flying continent went on endlessly to the horizon.

I've basically completed my novel. It's pretty /tg/ related in that it's Sword & Sorcery and takes rather a lot of influence of related stories.

Does that count?

>>53227245
Then he looked back to this elven peers, spoke in their language in which he likely told them where Elsa’s pub was. And one of his elven peers spoke back to him in their tongue as they headed off in there, the smaller restaurant I directed referred to. But the elven man who spoke to me also spoke back to his colleagues in their elven tongue and he looked back at me with a smile, my gods do I love looking at that smile and face of his. I decided to speak to him again at that point.

“So, aren’t you going to go with your friends???” I asked with a bit of shyness.

“Well I just haven’t properly introduced myself yet. My name is Larrel Keaven, Lieutenant Larrel Keaven. And those group of elves you saw that I was with, they were subordinates under my command. Though I prefer to call them teammates as me and those boys consider ourselves a team instead. And what about you miss, what is your name?”

I could still not believe and remembered a blushed at such a question, but I answered still. “Kianna Wittwer is my name. I’m born here in Heiruu and have been working for nearly five years as milkmaid here in the outskirts of our nation’s capital. I mostly churn the butter as opposed to milking cows, the dairy men I work with already milk the cows themselves back at their farm, while they send the cream or whole milk to me for me to churn.”

“Your name’s Kianna? Why that is quite a pretty name for a hard working milk woman.”

I could not believe I was blushing, and even felt turned on by him giving such simple but sweet compliments to me. Probably by the fact I was never hit on or courted by anyone else, until now.

(will continue maybe tommorow)

>>53229259
Sure. I can't promise anyone here will actually read a full length novel, but if you post a link I'll have a skim through it.

>>53229459
I'll just drop in the first chapter for now - best not overwhelm anyone here with hundreds of pages of text wall.
https://pastebin.com/YA4mChKF

>>53229626
I liked the story well enough, except that it seemed... cliched isn't exactly the right word, but there didn't seem to be much to differentiate it from any other fantasy book. The prose was okay, but I thought it could use a bit more touching up here and there.

>>53229259
how many words?

I'm working on a novel at the moment, a good solid way through, and need a touch advice if anyone has any experience with young adult fiction.

Just how mature can you really make things and keep it acceptable to that age group? Not easy to toe the line between boring and too explicit.

I have some nude scenes, but no sex. But, even characters smoking seems like it could be touchy.

>>53234897
174,090.

>>53235275
So long as you don't get too descriptive you can get away with it just fine. The fourth Harry Potter book had the main character get naked as well and no one really cared.

>>53235309
Yeah, the main difference with nudity between regular and YA books seems to be descriptions. I'll have a character mentioned as naked, and offer no further details at all.

It's other things i'm having trouble with though, like how far can you go with elements that a young person would face like drugs, abuse.

Harry Potter of course dealt with abuse in the very first book, but it was always somehow in a non-tense setting. We felt sorry for Harry, not scared for him.

>>53235298
That's a hefty tome, mate. Fantasy is one of the only genres you can sell a first novel of that length though

>>53235373
I'm aware. I had a rough storyline in mind when I started to write it, and kept going until everything important had happened and it was at the end. Took me about three months.

>>53235394
Didn't consider splitting it into two books?

>>53235423
I think it passed my mind at some point but there wasn't really any good point to split it in - no climax in the middle where the protagonists dealt with the main problem of the first half and could then move on to the rest of the story in part two. The driving question was always whether they'd get to the very end right away, so just splitting it up in the middle would've felt unsatisfying, with all the questions still unanswered.

Think of the first Star Wars movie. Sure, the Empire was always there looming in the background as the great big conflict, but for the most part the movie involved rescuing the princess and getting rid of the Death Star, which they'd managed by the end. They didn't bring up the Emperor or any other bigger questions until later. In my story that doesn't really apply.

>>53235501
But the first star wars story is, at best, a 80k word novel. If you're going 150k words, you better have a gripping damn story to keep people interested.

Also, singular novels don't sell, publishers just aren't interested, as they make a lot less money than even two part or three part series do.

>>53235586
I'm perfectly aware. Unfortunately I write primarily for myself and for my own amusement - the sort of stuff I myself would like to read. Actually getting it sold would be nice but secondary.

My previous book stands at 368,048 words. Maybe I'll manage to cut the next one by another two-thirds and then I'll have a shot at something. In the meantime I guess my only hope is to find people who decide the first chapter's neat enough to keep going.

>>53235741
Well pushing 400,000 words is pretty nuts. That is clearly writing for yourself, yeah. Rowling had trouble getting Phoenix published at over 200k words, and this was after she was the top selling children's author in the country for a couple years.

>>53221584
It's pretty good. I like your prose more than your poetry actually. It's very rich; maybe in some contexts it could be considered a little pretentious but I think it works here. As for your poem, the fact that you went with a basic ABAB rhyme scheme is kind of mis-matched with the tone of your prose - maybe if you'd used something a little more complex it would have worked better. Taken in and of itself though your poetry is okay - although with things like trying to rhyme 'true' with 'careful' I can't say it's perfect.

Overall, I'd say you've got something worthwhile there even if it has room for improvement.

>>53237115
Thanks anon, I'm just so happy to have someone read my stuff. The dialogue for the "harbinger" was rushed, but I intentionally fucked with the rhyme scheme to try and give it a disjointed "dream-like" quality, but I'm glad to know I missed the mark, I can finesse the shit out of it. Maybe internal rhyme could do the same thing a little more effectively.

Like I said earlier in the thread I wrote the whole thing as a poem and just cut the line breaks, so I'm glad it works as effective prose.

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A base coat of Phthalo Blue
A second of 7:3 Dark Sienna and Yellow Ochre
A dabbing of Indian Yellow to begin the horizon

I forget when I started painting this piece
Only that the place looked so dreary
It's been a long time since then,
But seeing it take form
Only made me feel happy

Some Mountain Mixture with a touch of Midnight Black,
That should help start giving clouds weight
And mixing Indian and Cadmium Yellow,
Should be enough to help cast some light

Now that this lake is here,
Some water needs to flow through
I'll put in a few falls
A few ripples and now it's moved

Titanium White gives us brightness
Yellow Ochre and Van Dyke Brown gives us bark
Some Sap Green to begin some trees
And some more Van Dyke to highlight the dark

This tapestry needs more color, so why not rainbows?
Bright Red, Cadmium Yellow, and Prussian Blue among others
This way I know it'll draw eyes
Blend some more Prussian and any overflow can be covered up.

It doesn't matter if I make it a perfect piece
Life is perfect even with the little imperfections
Just because there's a little mistake
Shouldn't mean that it should be abandoned

At this point all I need are the little brushstrokes
Browns and Yellows by the cliffs,
Blues by the water,
Some reflections like mirrors and I think it's done.

And like that, I made the landscape, another part of the world
Another piece of the tapestry to adorn with
I think I know where I'll put it.