I wish I had more motivation. I barely feel pleasure from anything and friends asking to play games and playing them is less work than sitting down and doping math. I like solving shit though. I'm just a depressed fuck and it is getting worse rather than better. All the joy is sucked out of life and even playing games or going out feels like a huge chore. Sure am glad anhedonia has no cure. I'd love to do some work recreationally again. I used too. I'm just dying inside more and more as the years pass.
I tend to use everything as "escapism" in the sense that I live like the main character in a game I'm playing. Pure math lets me feel like a wizard what with all abstract and arcane symbolism that only the initiated can read and understand.
In fact, I'd wear robes and carry a god damn staff if I had it. Fuck what everyone else thinks, they're all NPC's to me.
Good to know I'm not the only one. I never talk much with my colleagues, but they all (most of them) seem like socially adjusted people. On the surface I too seem socially adjusted, but in reality I abandoned all friends and family.
In my relationship >anon you are so immature and you never listen to me >"would you mind proving it?" >all you do is tell me your point of view and then you seem to ignore everything else I say. it is like the only thing that matters is your opinion >"I am sorry, this is not proof"
In math >be studying topic A where textbook introduces theorem X and subsequent lemmas >be confused or perhaps skeptical of theorem X or lemmas >search for proofs of theorem X and proofs of lemmas and find pleasantly explained step-by-step explanations >all problems resolved.
Mathematics gives me extreme comfort and a sense of security in knowing that things can be explained, something that cannot be said in the real world. Mathematics is the only thing in life that is keeping me off the balcony.
I always enjoyed the process of mathematical thinking but I never actually tried to learn it more deeply. Is it possible to learn complex math by yourself? Where should I start? Though playing chess kind of reminds me of solving problems, so if you like math, maybe you'll get into chess.
>>7768279 >Mathematics is the only thing in life that is keeping me off the balcony.
>“There was a footpath leading across fields to New Southgate, and I used to go there alone to watch the sunset and contemplate suicide. >I did not, however, commit suicide, because I wished to know more of mathematics.”
Salvation through mathematics, keep the tradition alive based anon.
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