Im seriously sick of this shit, being her friend.
We know each other for 9 years, and im reaching the point where i dont know if im doing the right thing or not, this thing has fucked my shit up to a point i didnt think was possible.
Even thought i still love the sound of her voice calling my name, i can barely stay near her, my over-the-roof levels of empathy makes me see too much stuff in her eyes.
Im sick of pretending i dont have this feelings, or dont want something different from her, which i cant have, cause she knows what i feel for her, and i can see in her body language, non-verbal and para-verbal comunication behaviour she feels guilt, fear, sadness and pity for me.
She can see us trying to be friends is killing my soul (if it isnt already dead), and since she probably dont feel anything else for me besides brotherly love, she is feeling very bad cause she cant help me.
Im crying too much, im risking crying when while with her too, and she notice this stuff even if im very good at pretending, but i still i feel a total shit when i realize i feel jealous, angry, sad, when she talks about people i know she like or liked (and maybe treated her like fucking shit, or tricked her, and oh... the "ive told you so")
I see the fear in her eyes when she understand how broken i am, and what is this driving me to do, probably she wanted to help me, she feels in debt with me ofc, cause of all the times i helped her, while no one else was going to even hold her while she was crying.
These feels of guilt and helplessness toward me she manifesting are excruciating to bare.
Im not even capable of doing the right thing: being just her friend while suppressing any other emotion cause they are not "appropriate" (like if doing the right thing had ever granted me something, no one is going to give me a prize for my integrity, nor she will ever love me for that, but i always thinked it was the righteous thing to do)
Im probably already severly depressed from all this, and cant seem to be able to move on while being her friend, i will have to say goodbye to her, because everytime im with her a little piece of my soul dies, and right now im might have already crossed the event horizon and could not be able to restore what is lost.
I dont see any other solution, i came here just cause i know there are a lots of people who can give me a piece of their mind, i dont care if you insult me, or praise me, just tell me if there are any flaws in my reasoning cause i cant seem to trust my judgment anymore, otherwise i wouldnt be in this utter shit.
And post WOJAK or PEPES while you are at it, please
Not even one guy saying im a normie and to GTFO cause i have a female friend?
Ugh, OP, what do you want? This is a shit board for shit people. If you can't read your own shit from the perspective of an outsider, you won't understand. You've obviously put this pussy up on the highest pedestal you could build and you think this bitch is understanding any of the crazy ass "martyrdom" you're doing. Either ask her out on a date, drop this "she's a goddess" bullshit and keep being her friend while looking for other pussy, or go through with your messiah complex and kill the friendship for everyone's sins.
But no matter what, stop bumping your thread no one gives a fuck about, and take this shit to >>>/adv/
You sound like a fucking faggot seeking attention.
That being said, you should stop caring about her, stop talking to her and stop respecting her. Be affirmative.
Two things can happen.
1. She will see you as a man that respect himself and finally want your d.
2. She will move on and your will either kill yourself like a faggot or move on too.
Stop all contact
When she gets in touch, arrange to meet, kiss her
If she recoils just stay there up close, wait a bit and try again
repeat and do more until you're either fucking her or she's leaving
As she's leaving say 'that's right, fuck off you dumb slut'
I dont think robots are shit people, its just the continuos shitposting from other boards, and you are telling me r9k is not the right board to talk about feels and meme feels?
On the other hand the solution you propose like keep being friend with her while looking for pussy is fucking impossible cause i dont seem to be able to give shit about any other girl, and its been like this for years now, thats why i was thinking about killing the friendship (to try to move on), even though i know i will feel shit for taking the easy way out.
Its not hanging out i will have to stop talking with her in any other form, and to do that i should tell her to not contact me ever again (cause if she will do it i dont know if im going to be able to restrain me from responding)
Like if she tells me that is somewhere having panics attack how im i supposed to stop myself? ffs
i cannot even start to explain how disturbing this post is.
just realize that she is just another cool female that is worth being your friend. you have completely idolized her for whatever reason, making your mind block the possibility that some other girl might be even better for your type.
also, stop being a nigger. it is possible for female-male platonic friendship to exist. it's just that only few females are worth the trouble of it.
This could work if we were kids, which we sadly arent anymore
>just realize that she is just another cool female that is worth being your friend. you have completely idolized her for whatever reason, making your mind block the possibility that some other girl might be even better for your type.
Yes i maybe have done that, but i cant realize that even knowing all the shit she has done.
And what is letting you assume i dont have any female-male platonic friendship already? That only works if there is no attration whatsoever.
Btw it is kinda 9 years but we didn see/talked to each other for like 3-4 years in between this 9
I'm not here to insult you, OP.
I was in a similar situation as you not too long ago (about 3 years). My oneitis, while I did date her, ended up JUST fucking my entire mental, psychological, and emotional well-being up beyond anything I could even describe here. (I guess, what's worse, is that I was actually trying to sort out issues on top of it. It was just one blow after another.) I was living with my parents. I was NEET. I just needed encouragement... of course she wasn't going to provide that for me despite always being there for her.
So, anyway, I ended up going radio silent for about a year and a half. I took that time to literally just focus on myself. I had no other choice, either I was going to off myself (I ain't goin' out like a bitch tho desu) or do a 180 and pick myself up with everything I had. During that time, she consistently would message me, call me, text me, and even try to pop up at my new place (she found out where I lived from my parents). I just wouldn't respond or answer. I gave her NO feedback. It was hard. It definitely was hard. Even harder was being around another girl that you didn't even like and having her pop up at random then have to explain to this other girl that it's nobody ringing the goddamn doorbell. It was soul crushing to say the least.
Fast-forward time, I spoken with her. I still kept her at arms length and refused to see her though. Now, presently? She just got dumped by some super beta faggot that claimed he wanted to marry her and I'm me version 3.0. I'm fit, making and saving good money, knocking down goals, and about to move out of the area; I'm on to bigger and better things. It crushes me that she could be here with me, but you know what? Sometimes, you just have to leave people that have nothing to offer you behind. Hopefully, one day they'll catch up. If they don't... fuck them.
Stop dragging yourself through the dirt, OP. You need to re-calibrate your focus, man. Good luck.
My best friend already did date her, and she didnt even tell me about, i knew this cause this best friend told me he was dating her (only after it ended badly between the two of them)
im not even kidding
i seriously never posted on reddit, not even one time
>tfw your best friend pumps & dumps your onitis of 5 years multiple times
>he wouldn't have done it if you had the balls to tell him that you love her
man, my teenager me was weird
>tfw even on the autistic board of an origami anonymous image board no one gives a shit about you
i know that feel, bruh
Cut ties, move on, get over her. There is no other way.
After 9 years of pining after her (seriously?) that demonstrates a profound lack of confidence. She will never see you as attractive, ever. Accept it.
It would have been far better for you to ask her out 9 years ago and get rejected than to live with unrequited feelings for nearly a decade. That's so pathietic and sad it should be a cautionary tale taught to kids in an effort to prevent them from becoming betas.
The only way you can stop feeling like shit is to never see her again, move on and date other girls.
Don't ever be friends with a girl ever again.
not 9 uninterrupted years since there was a hole of 3-4 years in the middle
btw thanks for the feedback
>yet another frustrated orbiter thread
Why isn't there a flow chart for this stuff? C'mon robos we create memes so supreme they're leaking into real life, we should be able to make memes that help fellow robots.
Are you friendly with many girls beside her? I ask because I was in a similar situation. I realise now that I had latched onto the only girl I knew well because I just didn't have anyone else to pine over. Long story short when I moved away for college and started socializing with plenty more girls my oneitis subsided. Eventually it went away after I
got a few gfs.