/acegen/ - "Look Kiki it's me" edition

Old thread >>7974241

>>8014938
>The DSM-5 accepts the self identification of being asexual.
The DSM is hardly scientific though. And "self identification"?

>>8015016

half the time people are trying to use the DSM to say that gender issues are a mental disorder

the other half of the time people say that the DSM is bullshit and fake

> hurry up and pick one

>>8013614
>>8013722
>>8014717
They say that when you enter a romantic relationship, seven people from your circle of friends get dropped.
I think that's sad. Definitely not worth it.

>>8016148
>have never had as many as seven friends
>now don't have one
If a romantic partner is equal to seven, bring it on.

>>8016240
Are you telling me to romance you?
Either this is very sudden or I misunderstood terribly...

>>8016148
>Tfw no friends
Ha, checkmate anon!

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>>8014938

>Do you have any theories on possible ace characters/people?

Lenny Belardo from The Young Pope. Chastity isn't being asexual, and practically every other person in the church in that show who took vows of chastity is portrayed as having sexual desire.

Noriko Somiya from Late Spring. She consistently doesn't want to get married throughout the movie, and basically only gets married because her father tells her to. OK, so the fact that she's only interested in taking care of her father might be some sort of fucked up Freudian repression thing, but I think she could just as easily be asexual.

what is the difference between a close friendship and a romantic relationship?

>>8017527
Fucking

>>8017704
I want cuddling and sharing a bed and living together and kissing and holding hands.

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>>8017750
That's l-lewd anon

>>8017704
is that literally the only difference though?

>>8017778
No, but I would think it's the main or at least a large one

>>8017785
But I'm not interested in sex
so what does a romantic relationship give me that a close friendship doesn't?

>>8017795
Nothing much really, if your close friends are OK with cuddling. Maybe kissing. Although it really depends on the type of close friends you have and whether they are averse to the things you mentioned earlier

>>8017527
probably kissing

>>8015065
DSM is political, and pushes for as high a rate of diagnosis as possible. Also it's generally non-confrontational in its fifth edition and goes for the carebear option of "do whatever you want hon".

I thought the point of editing the OP was to remove the mention of DSM-5 altogether?

>Is this orientation accepted in scientific circles?
is there a better answer for this? Or is reality that it's NOT actually accepted in all scientific circles?

>>8018109
>tfw ywn practice kissing with your best friend just to see what it's like

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There's a cool dude named Edward Gorey that used to write and draw books with an creepy and unsettling tone. Lemony Snicket even got some of his inspiration from the guy.

In one of his interviews, he confirmed that he was ace.

Some of his stuff feels close to the Babadook book if you like that kind of feel.

>>8018152
I edited it to be more in line to the psychologist that came on but I can remove it next time.

>>8018195
The psychologist who game in basically said that DSM-5 is highly controversial and not widely used or agreed on. That being the case, I don't see how including it in the OP adds any credibility. If anything it provokes discussion of DSM-5's issues rather than "oh okay I guess it's recognised"

>>8018219
So... removal then?

>>8018227
Unless anyone can think of a better answer for that question that's not as contestable

>>8018152
It's not. It's self-identification, and DSM-V in the has been continuously accused (particularly in the sexual and gender identity disorders in particular), as unscientific, without sufficient grounding in objective laboratory testing.

The fact that not even the asexual community seems to show any homogeneity is also troublesome, since these threads usually spend more time debating "am I asexual??" than anything. I'm not too sure that in a majority of cases the label is of any use.

>>8018236
(This is the same Psych from the other post, btw)

All in all, the DSM accepts self-identification, but you little laymen might want to stop trying to use the DSM as a Bible of what is and isn't. We don't, and neither should you, unless you're very familiar with it. Otherwise you'll just end up shooting yourselves in the foot when you call for discussions on the validity of the label because in a majority of cases you're not familiar with how to use the manual.

If identifying as asexual gives you guys any sense of peace of mind or helps you define your feelings, by all means, but the way I always see these discussions go, most people gravitating towards the asexual side of things look hopelessly confused still. It doesn't help that places like Tumblr keep adding layers to it when you guys don't seem to have made up your mind about what asexuality even means.

>>8018236
>literally asking "are you feeling sexual attraction?" and telling them maybe they should think about it more or go to a professional is now seen as "debating"


>>8018277
>when you guys don't seem to have made up your mind about what asexuality even means.
yes we do. Almost every ace thing goes with the same definition as seen in this thread.

In general, I would abstain from mentioning the DSM, because it's misleading. Most people will use it to say "the DSM confirms asexuality is a thing", when in reality the DSM really just includes the word asexual once in the whole manual as far as I'm aware, and never touches on it further than one sentence.

>>8018318
ive skimmed the section ages ago but i feel like they pretty much take the stand of 'whatever man, as long as you feel ok'

>>8018310
>literally asking "are you feeling sexual attraction?" and telling them maybe they should think about it more or go to a professional is now seen as "debating"

In most discussions I've seen, there's hardly anyone who can answer "yes" or "no" to "are you feeling sexual attraction?" and in most instances I've seen it just go on to people ending up tentatively assuming that they might be asexual.

>yes we do. Almost every ace thing goes with the same definition as seen in this thread.

What I mean is the whole ever-growing "asexual spectrum", with its varying definitions and interpretations, based on who knows what.

>>8018348
That's literally tumblr who cannot differentiate between fetishes and sexuality.

>>8018277
As a psych, what's your professional opinion on asexuality? Do you know of any commonly recognized manuals that consider it to be a "real thing"?

If someone came to you saying that they think they might be asexual (or that they don't find anyone sexually attractive), what would be your response?

Do you consider sexual attraction and arousal to be different things? Does sexual attraction require conscious thoughts of wanting to have sex with something?

>>8018339
Yes, and "whatever man, do what you think is right" doesn't add all that much weight to the discussion if you intend to use it as an argument of authority. The attitude of the DSM concerning the label of asexual is dismissive at best.

>>8018355
It can be hard to tell...

>>8018363
yeah well I can only speak for myself but that's all I need. it almost never comes up so I get to just live my life, I'll leave all the other shit to tumblr

>>8018356
>As a psych, what's your professional opinion on asexuality?
I'm not a sex expert, but as a professional I worry that the label is more pathologizing of socially awkward people (who might damage themselves by convincing themselves that they're simply asexual when they might have other issues, since there's no consensus in the psych world about the whole ace deal) than it is a representation of people with an actual physical/psychological inability to experience sexual attraction.

>If someone came to you saying that they think they might be asexual (or that they don't find anyone sexually attractive), what would be your response?

If they came to me saying that, I'd assume it's a cause of worry for them, and I'd try to explore their history of personal relationships, issues of abandonment, and generally just explore their history. In most cases I've seen (I debated whether or not I myself was ace years ago) there's a lot of cases in which people convince themselves that they're not interested in sex because they simply can't cope with intimacy, or have particular complexes. tl;dr it depends on the history of the person.

>Do you consider sexual attraction and arousal to be different things? Does sexual attraction require conscious thoughts of wanting to have sex with something?

Off the top of my head, I'd say that sexual attraction is followed by sexual arousal, but not necessarily the other way around. Again, I'm no sex expert, but I'd say that sexual attraction doesn't require conscious thoughts of wanting to have sex with anything. You can feel sexually attracted to people without ever thinking "I want to have sex with them". You're just naturally attracted to them at a physical level. That's why you have all those ads with hotties in them. In a majority of cases you don't consciously think you want to have sex with them, but it provokes a sexual response.

>>8018416
how can it be hard to tell when we literally shit on anyone who uses "demisexual" around here? God forbid if someone used something like Sapiosexual or some shit.

>>8018430
In general, my point being: don't get carried away with identifying yourselves as asexual. We don't know enough to determine if it'll emotionally damage you in the long run. Take what you will from it, live your life, but take it easy.

>>8018436
I'm actually an autochorissexual tyvm

>>8018430
>might damage themselves by convincing themselves
What, how is that damaging
>>8018436
God I hate people who actually say they are sapiosexual, it's like they become a living meme
>>8018451
I-is it bad if I actually relate to that term

>>8018457
It's only bad if you treat it as if it's a sexual identity in and of itself

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>>8018451
get out

>>8018457
it's repressing feelings and denying oneself of things that increase wellness.

>>8018457
it's only bad if you start parading it around. I mean, technically I'm fictosexual or some shit due to all the husbandos I collect.

>>8018457
Because you take it as your identity, and you interiorize that you simply are unable to experience sexual attraction, effectively creating a psychosomatic disorder when the issue might not be that you're unable to feel sexual attraction but rather to open up to sexual scenarios, to name one of potentially dozens of examples.

>>8018484
But if the person is fine with it, would you still try to solve it?
>>8018474
I guess just Ace would be a better term than

>>8018430
Is there any way to know the difference between arousal and unconscious sexual attraction?

This shit is what confuses me the most. The first time I ever considered the possibility that I could be ace was when a friend asked me if I ever got erections from looking at people - and I couldn't think of a time where I ever had. I've never gotten an erection from the 'hotties' in ads (or any porn for that matter), but I have gotten erections from the thought of masturbation and while experiencing or thinking about intimate (but non sexual) moments with another person. I don't really understand how to interpret this shit, whether it is just superficial arousal or if I'm sexually attracted to those people (while still not consciously wanting to have sex with them). Not knowing what it means is what bothers me the most - but for the most part outside of these threads I just ignore it all since I don't have the capacity to interpret it and I'd rather not dwell on something that I can't progress. But I also know that ignoring and blocking out shit is by default response whenever there's something I don't/cant know, think about or handle - so that itself might be a tell for some deeper issues, I don't really know

>>8018500
Of course I would. In many cases it just means that they're fine with it because it's a learned defensive behavior, and it's potentially straining the person's personal life due to preemptively cutting them away from an arguably important aspect of life. If I'm correct and the person is just very guarded and "fearful" of sex at a very deep level, of course they'll say they're fine, because thinking of the alternative is stressful.

If someone suffered from anorexia but was eating just fine, would you not try to help them regardless?

>>8018457
It's okay because there's Morosexual now. Sexual attraction to lack of intelligence

>>8018526
>If someone suffered from anorexia but was eating just fine, would you not try to help them regardless?
>anorexic person eating just fine
...you're gonna have to run that by me again

>>8018510
Well, not everyone pops boners just spontaneously from looking at people. But idk, without knowing the details, I'd say that being aroused by the thought of intimate closeness to someone else is still a sexual experience, but to me, and of course prejudging you terribly, if I had to take a shot in the dark and go all-in in a suspicion, it hints at an upbringing surrounded by taboo, if the thought of more private, "secret" intimacy is exciting. But again, I don't know you, this is me throwing out a hypothesis out of plain guessing.

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>>8018531
>morosexual
I hate tumblr so much

>>8018540
It's 4:25AM here, so my analogies are probably shit. What I mean to say is that of course that anyone would say it's not a problem for them to be asexual, if what is a problem to them is to express sexuality. Being asexual then is the "safe" position to avoid confronting one's own fears. Then you convince yourself that those fears don't exist because you refuse to face them, and settle for "I'm just asexual".

>>8018544
>it hints at an upbringing surrounded by taboo
That's exactly what it was actually. Religious parents, "no sex before marriage", getting told off for looking at naked people on the internet even though I just wanted to see what body parts looked like, never being comfortable with nudity because I was told not to let anyone see me naked, all of that shit

>>8018548
it's kinda like watching young kids doing roblox let's plays

>>8018569
In that case, I see you in prizing intimacy and sort of more "caste" close encounters a safe way to dwell in sexuality without confronting your personal issues with the actual genital/sexual aspect of it. I'd consider looking for someone who could help you with that, I wouldn't call you an asexual if that's the case, a good therapist will be more than glad to help you through the process, it's not an uncommon thing.

>>8018577
Remember to like and subscribe guys!!!!

Who here /aloneandhappy/

>>8018627
more of a /aloneandokaywithit/

>>8018594
Thanks, therapy was the conclusion I was leaning toward myself too. I don't trust myself to be able to self diagnose any of this.
Would this be the kind of thing for a normal therapist or a specialised sex therapist?

>>8018674
wait a minute, didn't this exact conversation happen last thread and we suggested you go to a therapist?

>>8018688
I've posted it a couple times just in the event that different people were on to see different opinions
There's enough of a consensus that I won't be posting it again now

>>8017527

>what is the difference between a close friendship and a romantic relationship?

if you want to be cynical, marriage is an economic institution as well as a social institution

in a less cynical way of looking at it, the economic implications of marriage mean that you're going to require a lot more trust from someone to go through with it than a friendship that you become roommates with

marriage also increases your chances of successfully adopting if you want kids

if you're an asexual willing to have sex for the purpose of having kids, you're not going to do that with a close friend

probably most important though is that marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment, and you will have a closer bond to that person than anyone else in the world. if you die first, you can die knowing that your death meant something to someone, and if they die first, you can know that they died knowing their death meant something to someone.

all of these things are things you can't get from close friends

>tfw friend talks about how he just fucked a girl a a party
how are you meant to respond to this?

>>8019057
You're supposed to go "woah, nice" and then maybe ask how they got her in bed.

>>8018956
Can marriage just be abolished?

>>8019057

ask him whether he did vaginal, anal, oral, or all three
ask him what positions they used
ask him if the orgasms were timed properly so as to be simultaneous
ask him if he saw the girl's STD test results beforehand
ask him if he knew if she was on the pill
ask him if there was any fetish play involved
ask him what conversation, if any, was utilized during sex so as to enhance the experience

>>8019092

do you want it to be?

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Any other asexual males really want bio-kids?

>>8019127

I do. But I don't want to marry a sexual and be required to fulfill their needs beyond procreation nor do I want to make an asexual woman do something they don't want to.

>>8019134

Yeah, that's the quandary. :/

>>8019092
From what I understand, kids are significantly better off from a developmental point of view when they are in a stable family environment. Abolishing any concept of "enforced" obligation to stay with the partner you procreated with would do future generations more harm than good

>>8019119
Yes.

>>8019092
why? There's barely any benefits to abolishing it that i can think of

>>8019097
Are you a scientist, anon?

>>8019332

no, I'm just an asshole troll

>>8019313
It's detrimental to society. Just live together for as long as you both want to. No need for contract, ceremony or the commitment to be together until one of you dies.

>>8019379
How is marriage detrimental to society?

>>8019384
Because it puts those three things on people.

>>8019379
Isn't there something called common law marriage

>>8019396
>contract
lol no
>ceremony
nope you can just sign a paper
>commitment
nope

are you just surrounded by amish or catholics or are you just being stupid as a hobby?

>>8019396
Commitment is important though, especially if raising children is involved

>>8019401
Not in most of the world and where it exists it should go too.

>>8019416
You're objectively wrong but if you weren't that would show it's meaningless anyway and should still be abolished.

>>8019431
I like how you say I'm wrong but don't give evidence

>>8016400
You can romance me instead, anon

>>8017750
This minus the kissing

>>8018634
This desu
I have friends and friends are okay. And two are huggy (one in particular). It works I suppose.

>>8019057
Just congratulate him I suppose

>>8019097
>not asking the angle of inclination of the bed or other fucking surface
>not measuring precise condom thickness
>not measuring lube viscosity
>not checking air pressure and temperature so as to ensure optimal performance

>>8019127
Kinda but I don't want to do the stuff leading up to it

>>8019435
It's a tangent. Stop being deliberately stupid.

>>8019449
no u, you sexy sexy man

>>8018318
>>8018339
>>8018363
The DSM-V isn't used by most mental health services, how rely instead on the earlier DSM-IV-TR. The fifth edition gave into pharmaceutical pressure and thus alters its prognosis and descriptions for many mental illnesses.

Don't you have anything better to do than to make generals in lgbt all day? The last one hasn't even finished yet, you retarded aspies.

I hate you all so much. Why don't you go take this bullshit to other website, you don't belong here.

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>>8019847
I wish I could check the no a in lgbt twice you troll

>>8019847
if I took that trip off would you die?

>>8019730
What are the biased parts of V?

>>8019910
It deletes a lot of subsets, particularly for schizophrenia, and its treatments rely heavily on medication whereas previous editions had an emphasis on therapy. My mother, who works in a mental health clinic, said that the new edition generalizes disorders for the sake of prescribing medication that often times does very little, all for the profit of pharmaceutical investors.

>>8020035
yep. Several members of the APA in charge of the DSM-V have been accused of having a conflict of interests because of their involvement with the pharmaceutical industry.

It's a troublesome book to work with because its categories are very broad. The DSM-V was built out of a worry of slapping a superspecific diagnosis on you that would be hurtful, and instead made it so that just about anyone who reads through it can conclude that they have some mental disorder or another.

>>8020035
So corrupt. I'm glad professionals just use IV instead of falling for it.

>>8020312
it's not that they use IV, IV isn't the best either, but most professionals use and have always used the DSM as a guideline, rather than sticking to it word for word, because try as it may much of psychiatry/psychology isn't a generalizable, "provable" (for lack of a better word) scientific procedure. The problem is that the general public has taken the DSM as absolute proof of things and gotten carried away with it, because they love giving a diagnosis to themselves. Asperger's comes to mind, where suddenly every other socially inept child ended up labelled autistic.

>>8020328
>much of psychiatry/psychology isn't a generalizable, "provable" (for lack of a better word) scientific procedure
aka actual science

>>8020352
Not science is actual science. Every postulation, every formula simply tries to make sense of real phenomenon while using inherently flawed language. Nature shapes the law, not the other way around. The same is to be said for social sciences. However, we know even less about how the human mind works than we know about the universe or the mathematics describing it, which leads to the ridicule of said sciences.

>>8020352
aka actual science, yes, but in any case, as long as the procedures have enough construct validity, you can establish with a high degree of confidence that you can help people. In its current paradigm though, those that push for "actual science" will be disappointed, because we don't have a better, more scientific method than psychology/psychiatry to work with human behavior, so unless those in the "muh fake science" side have a better alternative, it's what we got.

>>8020363
>Not science is actual science.
nope.

>>8020375
sure. fields can be useful without being science. but don't call them science.

>>8020394
typo, meant to say "no"

>>8020394
I think the point that anon is trying to make is how is "real science" any more absolute than psychological science? It's still just creating definitions and rules for things that aim to match with observed reality as best as possible

>>8020400
nope, actual science that can be actually tested is actual science.

>>8020404
actual science is done through the scientific method.

>>8020437
Actual science is still all just theories. Things that are replicable enough become commonly accepted, but that doesn't change the fact that we still have no way of knowing 100% if it's completely accurate or not.

>>8020448
nope, actual science is scientifically tested theories.

>>8020466
Are you suggesting that no area of psychology has any form of scientific methodological testing applied to it?

>>8020466
>>8020437
Psychology is definitely a real science.
It's just that, it's kind of a new and unrefined one. Where astrology was when the Greek philosophers proposed a flat earth with the sun and moon orbiting that, is fairly close to where psychology is now.

Point is, we'll get there eventually. Don't dismiss the baby steps.

>>8020481
nah.

>>8020437
>actual science is done through the scientific method.

A lot of Psychological research is done through the scientific method, not every study out there is a qualitative one.

Now, Psychology with a capital P is not a science, because it's a very broad area; it's effectively a field of study. Parts of it are scientific, parts of it are definitely not.

>>8020495
Not one hundred years ago we were treating people via electrocution and taking chunks of their brain out. We have come far in a short time, and there is more ways to go.

>>8020498
that's false.

>>8020524
you're wrong

>>8020524
It's not false. Psychology is increasingly concerned with the scientific method, and most of the academic literature you read out there these days follows it. Has Psychology moved to a unitary, common understanding at its core of what Psychology is? No, paradigms shift and come and go, that's why it isn't a science in the sense that chemistry is, and why people argue it's not a science at all (which is fair), but to deny that research uses the scientific method is strictly false.

>>8020537
claiming otherwise doesn't change the facts.

>>8020537
stop replying to bait
you're right, move on

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>anon why are sitting alone over there?
>why won't you talk to people, anon?

>>8020537
While there may be some *research* that is done scientifically (or as scientifically as possible given that it's a soft science,) the connection between this research and the psychological care that is given in practice is somewhere between tenuous and nonexistent. A lot of psychotherapists still believe and practice shit that Freud pulled out of his ass and that was debunked almost a century ago.

>>8020890
no literally why
this isn't fucking /r9k/

>>8020976
A simple Shitpost to bump the thread

God dammit, I think just about every night this past week or even couple of weeks I've had a cuddle dream. Last night it was that I slept over or something with some friend (nobody I actually know, just some character I recognized as a friend in the dream) and we were on opposite sides of the bed. Suddenly the friend decides they're cold and pulls more of the blanket over to them, but then promptly just moves over and starts spooning me and cuddling commences. It was cute af in the dream, but now it's just making me sad

Anyone else get dreams like this?

>>8020481
The Greeks had actually determined the Earth's radius radius (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eratosthenes)

>>8020997
Anon please stop, youre triggering memories of my dreams like these.
I had something like that, except that it was just a simple hand holding gesture and some other cute stuff that I don't remember fully now. Now I have to go Repress™.
The person in question was some qt guy I liked, but repressed any feelings anyway

>>8021008
Don't worry, we're all alone here

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>>8021017 (pic related)
Anyone here else find people cute but scared of relationships
>Tfw haven't had dreams about these kind in a while, I guess im getting used already

>>8020995
next time just say "bump" or do something that's actually on topic

There's literally topic questions in the OP, mate.

>>8021036
I mean-
Oh I didn't see that part, sorry anon
Although I wouldn't be able to answer anyway, I don't really do anything much nowadays

>>8021027
Issue I have is I'm only ever into friends, but by the time I start go to like "yeah I think I'd like to be with them", we're close to the point where I really wouldn't want to risk the friendship by asking that if they didn't reciprocate. The only time I've actually had it work out, the friend was attracted to me and I was aware of that from the start (she started talking to me by attempting to flirt, and somehow a good friendship developed from that). Damn I miss that friend. Or not the friend actually because she was insane, but what happened in the friendship.

>>8021036
Those should be at the top. They're practically invisible at the bottom.

>>8014938
>Do you know of any ace characters/people in media?
I can't think of any that have directly identified as ace
The best you can do is take a character who doesn't have a love interest and project

>>8023906

>take a character who doesn't have a love interest and project

it's a stronger bet that they're asexual if they're lack of love interest is a consistent habit that gets portrayed over a long period of time

see Jughead from Archie, after 70 years of being written a certain way, the current writers finally found out what asexuality is and went "that's pretty much what this character always was but the older writers didn't have this word to describe him "

or someone like Jean Valjean who never had a love interest in his entire life span and never expressed interest

those judgments can still be wrong, but it's much harder to make those kinds of judgments if a story only takes place over the course of a week or something

>>8023906
The MC from the book Bone People is aroace and the writer is also aroace

>>8023906
>Luffy from One Piece from the writer's word iirc
>Kars from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is aroace
>Piccolo is literally and figuratively aroace
>Voo Doo from Sirens actually identifies as ace
>Rose from The Golden Girls appears to be ace

Be honest, do you go around telling everyone you meet that you are an asexual? I am sure that 90% of you bring it up within the first 5 minutes of every conversation you have with a stranger.

>>8024917
Wow, me, talking to people? What a great sense of humor you have

>>8024917
>implying i talk to strangers voluntarily

>using ace as an excuse for the fact you have severe social anxiety

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>>8024872
Don't forget Todd

>>8025545
man, I love Todd.

im ace and i live with my aro gf who is pretty into sex n stuff what do

mostly i just use my hands

not repulse but im lazy

>>8025854
just stop stopping her from being fucked by somebody else. even just another girl if hands for fine for her

>>8025854
is she happy or is it a point of conflict?

>>8024917
>accusing us of not being able to have a conversation with someone without letting them know details about us immediately
>tripfag

ok lol

>>8028807
It's discord spam but there's no link?
Have I been memed?

Also acegen has a discord already.

>>8027557
>being a tripcode user is somehow remotely comparable to being an insufferable ace attention seeking whore.

ok lol

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>>8030157
Here, this is what you wanted right? Now fuck off

>>8030299
nah, he's just a grumpy grump.
the best way to deal with him is to meme at him

>>8030509
Yea I know I was just super irritated.

>>8030882
Never give a shitposter a genuine response

>>8031536
Will do. What is acegen up to today?

>>8025545
Not them but damn, I forgot about Todd

>>8024917
Wow, how original, using yourself for ideas like that

>>8030299
checked

>>8032160
I am rubber and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks back to you.

>>8032407
Tell me about BigGuy
Why does he wear the trip?

>>8032442
because he needs people to immediately know who he is because he constantly needs to make people aware of details about himself

>>8032030
Having to go on another uncomfortable semi-date because this guy just isn't getting that I'm not into him. I was happy to go out with him the first time because I genuinely thought I was just going to catch up with an old friend, but it looks like he interpreted getting brunch together very differently. Save me.

>>8033011
If you were upfront and said you aren't into him directly, what would be the consequences?

tfw keep thinking about wanting to kiss my best friend

>>8033153
weirdo.

>>8033153
Tfw kissless hand holdless Virgin
>>8033011
Whats the difference, really between a date and hanging out

>>8033369
I believe it's the romantic intention myself

>>8033375
Can you explain that in more detail?

>>8033402
For a date, it's the idea that you are trying to develop or strengthen the romantic bond between two people.

A good example of this difference probably happened to a bunch of aces. You go hangout with someone and the person thinks it's a date. Or you literally thought you were going to chill and watch netflix.

A hug in those different settings and mindsets equals different things because of the implied intention behind it. Even sitting close to each other could have a different meaning.

So the other person could be thinking "Yes, this person also wants to increase this bond" while you could be going "I enjoy this person" in a very basic sense.

>>8033449
But then again, what's the difference between a very close friendship and a relationship, if both of these include the same actions, like cuddling and whatnot
>Inb4 sex
Is that the only one?

>>8033468
No, it's mostly just what the culture would see as romantic. So for a large portion of the western world, it would be kissing. And also, the romantic intention behind it as I've said before.

The words "I love you" can mean very different things with the right intention behind it.

>>8033528
Ah I see what you mean now. Thanks anon.
>Tfw see qt and kinda want to get hug them, get to know them and stuff but always convince myself jt will never work out and then Repress feelings

>>8032407
How appropriate, you fight like a cow

>>8033927
to be honest, a cow fighting a human would be quite terrifying

have you seen those bull riding vids?

>>8033028
If he's like every other person who's asked me out and who I've had to politely let down, he'll stop talking to me entirely. We were never super close (I met him when we were working on some project teams together), but it had been a while since I'd seen him and I thought it would be nice to catch up. He clearly thought it was a date and has been bugging me to go out with him more since. He asked for my number today (as opposed to just messaging me through FB), and normally I would be happy to give it if I weren't so sure he would misinterpret the gesture. If he keeps it up I'm going to have to let him down, even if it means I never hear from him again.

>>8035122
Why does it matters so much? You're having fun, keep hanging with him. You can tell him later if he makes a move or something, until then you're just two people having fun. You could be doing the same even if you were attracted to men.

>>8034198
It is a reference to the Monkey Island game series. Holy shit, you don't spend any time pursuing relationships or sex and you don't know Monkey Island? What do you do with your time? Just spent time complaining online about how you don't like sex? Oh wait, that's exactly what you do.

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>>8035122
Wait, was that you? You met this guy in college?
Holy shit retard, just tell me you are an ace. I'm down to just being friends, I have other options too. Stop overthinking everything, I just wanted meet up because you are cute and funny.

>>8035856
I'm too shit at puzzle games so I tend to revolve around rpgs when it comes to vidya and I was mostly a console kid when I grew up.

>Just spent time complaining online about how you don't like sex?
no, it's also mixed in with some crying when I feel like I'm in a rut

>>8026838
over a day later i return

yeah she's fine with it but i could always step up my game

>>8026226
nah I don't need to stop her, she's too nervous to even talk to other guys

Bomparoni

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Hi people, I just got into this whole asexual thing and I have some questions:

How do I know that I am not just low test?

How do I know that I am not just a misanthrope?

How do I justify my existence if I accept asexuality?

How has asexuality changed your self image?

How do I maintain a self image under asexuality?

Any advice for a potential asexual?

>>8041444
Just bee yourself

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>>8041861

>>8041861
Listen to this guy

>>8041444
>How do I know that I am not just low test?
Low testosterone often affects libido (how often you want to have sex), not sexual attraction. If you are finding people sexually attractive but don't have the motivation to attempt to sleep with them, that's low libido. If you aren't sexually attracted to anyone, that's asexuality.

>How do I know that I am not just a misanthrope?
I think the first answer covers this to an extent. However, do you feel misanthropic regarding other things in your life? Is that why you're concerned? If yes, was there a time where you enjoyed those things, and was there a time you felt sexual attraction?

>How do I justify my existence if I accept asexuality?
We are all born on this earth without asking for it, and you don't need any specific reason to exist.

>How has asexuality changed your self image?
Prior to knowing about asexuality, I felt really terrible about myself. Finding out there was a community of like-minded people was very comforting. Now it's a part of myself that I am quite happy with, and I'm sure that shows in my self-confidence.

>How do I maintain a self image under asexuality?
I'm not exactly sure what this is asking, but if you are looking to maintain your current image, just do that. Asexuality doesn't change who you are as a person or how others will perceive you, as no one is going to be able to know just from looking at you.

>Any advice for a potential asexual?
Try out the label if you want. There's no reason you have to keep it if you find it doesn't fit down the road. Otherwise, understand that you aren't alone. There are plenty of us to talk with if you're having issues.

And nice trips.

>>8041444
>how do I know
external confirmation from a therapist
don't trust your own self-identification for something like this which could be the result of many different things

>>8042048
And also a doctor as well. I'm not sure if a therapist can schedule a hormone test but maybe?

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>>8042015
>>8042048
>>8042055
Thank you! This really helps. Thank you so much! Y'all are awesome! I mean it.

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>>8041871

>>8042100
You're welcome, anon.

>tfw $170USD per hour for a therapist
f-fuck

>>8042571
Wtf is it for consultation in general or like a specific condition

>>8042600
just the price they had on their website
Another one I saw was 130usd per hour. I'm not familiar with this at all, what's meant to be a normal price for this shit?

>>8042622
I believe so but it depends if your insurance will cover it. I personally only have to pay a 10 dollar copay for someone in my network but the wait time is mega long and I still pay monthly fee.

I think there's also clinics that give cheaper prices.

>be me
>have group of people hang out with
>decide to try to distance see if they notice
>they don't care
Is this how friends are supposed to act?
>>8042622
In not very sure myself, I went to a pysch and mine was like around 100bucks take and give I believe

>>8042647
>Is this how friends are supposed to act?

What I've learnt since high school is that when it comes to most 'normal' friends, you're mostly just friends due to proximity - you can tolerate each other enough to hang out, but as soon as there's a distance barrier (eg school ends and there's no routine of seeing them) you're going to drift apart unless you have a much deeper emotional bond.

Throughout uni it's been the same thing - there's recurring people who I can socialise with in classes through multiple semesters, but we don't talk at all outside of uni. I consider it to be a mutual lack of interest, and I can't fault them for that because I'm doing the same thing to them.

It's made me question what a "friend" actually is because I'm painfully aware of how superficial it is. I don't know if it's because the word 'friend' is used super liberally these days, or my standard for what qualifies as a real friend is higher than the commonly accepted definition. If neither of us have an active initiative to contact each other outside of externally guaranteed meetups, I find it hard to call that a real friendship. But from what I understand, most people don't think that cynically.

At this point I have one person who I consider to be a close friend (I don't like using the term 'best friend' because in the past that's been one sided and I can't fault people for having other close friends), and we stay in touch and make an effort to meet up in person even though he goes to a different uni now. Actual real friendships take effort to maintain, and expecting the other person to initiate things is a dangerous mindset

>>8042725
Are you pysch anon?

>>8042887
nope
has he said something along those lines before?

>>8042909
Nah, it's just that you wrote an essay. It's fine though. Most of the times I'm too exhausted to try to maintain relationships. Does anyone else get this?

>>8042938
I can only really actively manage the one, any more and it takes up too much of my time which I have to spend on other work

are there any Ace stereotypes that you guys know of? Like in terms of jobs and stuff

>>8043008
The biggest stereotype is probably that ace people are emotionless nihilistic husks

>>8043008
in terms of jobs, I would say the stereotypical "science before sex" prudish stem majors that believe they are better than everyone due to their lack of desire

Basically, think of sheldon from big bang theory

>>8043063
So...slightly autistic as well huh
>>8043036
I think my depression would agree with this

>>8043077
People assume aces are autistic because not having sexual desire is in a similar realm to not understanding emotions properly, from a very superficial standpoint in that it's an emotional state that differs from the norm

>>8042622
If you're the anon who posted above, you don't need to go to a therapist if you're looking to have your hormone levels checked. They can't do anything about that. If you want to do that, go to a clinic and get a referral to a specialist.

If you're not that person/you want to see a therapist for other reasons, look up and see if there are any sliding scale therapists in your area, if your school/job covers therapy in your insurance, or if there are any government subsidized or funded therapists (though the wait time may be 6-12 months).

>>8043089
there is a big correlation between being ace and autistic so that's also why the stereotype exists.

>>8043117
has that been researched? I haven't heard that before

>>8043160
Not really researched but it's done by survey and has been noted in a bunch of ace groups.

>>8043117
>Tfw you contribute to these statistics

>>8042622
Wtf, I used to go to therapy and they charged me around 30 usd the hour. I'm third world tho

>>8043337
This is australia

>>8042644
I think how it works here is it's covered if a doctor refers you to a properly registered psych
I'm still covered under my parents insurance, but I guess that means they'll know if I go to anything and they'd ask me about it
fuck

>>8043380
Close enough then

>>8043063
>I'm actually a physics major
At least I'm not that specific stereotype. My friends talk about sex and related subjects a lot and I tend to just kinda passively join in (make a general comment every now and then, hardly contribute). I'm not really saying much against them (outside of comments on an individual basis, usually jokingly). I'm out to my friends and questions go both ways in regards to sexuality. So, I guess I'm like halfway to that stereotype

>>8043870
Actually what I did was combine multiple stereotypes and place them into the typical image people think of

I want to put my penis is just about anything, butts + mouths (m/f) vaginas jars of peanut butter... what's that called?

>>8043942
pansexual

>>8043942
Someone who needs a hobby

>>8043942
Its called being a dumb shitposter

>>8043337
Which 3rd world specifically?

do any of you feel like you've got some kind of obligation to still have children?
Every single one of your ancestors, going back millennia, was able to procreate. It feels weird to just cut off that long line simply because you don't feel like it. Like it's your duty to continue what every one of your ancestors achieved and it's selfish to think otherwise.
I don't know how rational this line of thought is because the counterargument is a nihilistic "why does it matter if your family branch dies, why does it matter if the world gets a negative birthrate and eventually dies out naturally" path and I don't have an answer to that either

>>8044866
>m-muh ancestry lineage!!
Not really, personally I don't care if it dies off. Anyway I'm sure my siblings could procreate if they wanted to although I'm disgusted at the thought of that. I don't really want to have kids too

>>8044883
>I don't care if it dies off
why not?

>>8044891
Why should I
I don't even like grills

>>8044899
because every single one of your ancestors was able to do it and science dictates than an animal's primary goal for existence is procreation

>>8044906
>primary goal for existence is procreation
Why should I follow these 'goals'. They can go fuck themselves
One less of me, the better for the gene pool

>>8044866
Life's only real goal is to ensure it continues to exist. Every time you so much as take a shit, you spread bacteria, thus spreading life. Plus, I can always help others out, others who may end up having kids. The way I see it, even if I don't have kids I'm still a net positive for life in general simply by existing.

If our species dies out, clearly we weren't the fittest. Another species may eventually take our place and become self-aware and intelligent enough to surpass us.

Asexual = dead inside

>>8044944
Haha gottem amirite?
>>8044942
I kind of agree with this anon

>>8044866
>implying I care about my lineage or anything about "passing of the genes"

>>8044866
>what are gay people, sterile people, or people who simply choose to not have children

>>8045029
I bet he thinks that they're some broken mutation or some bullshit and doesn't believe in the theory that anyone who wasn't straight and/or fertile people were possibly there to take care of the kids made.

New question, what do aces think about PDA

>>8045039
It makes me uncomfortable but I try not to display anything negative. Kissing is the weirdest thing that makes the most disgusting sound.

>>8044866
On second thought, you sound like a breeder. Fuck off

>>8045052
He doesn't really sound like a breeder to me. More like one of those people that got that "pass ur genes and make little yous" hammered into his head.

>>8045065
Isn't that what literally breeders do? Fair point though

>>8045081
I mean, he's ace so at the most it's like other lgbt people that want a kid of their own.

>>8045087
>he's Ace
Or he could be a bait..?

>>8045065
it's this, I'm trying to deal with internally conflicting worldviews and rationalising irrational beliefs

>>8045039

I like hugging
I find any excuse possible to hug my friends

>>8045101
If you want to "pass ur genes" just become a sperm/egg donor.

>>8045107
>>8045039
wait does "PDA" mean you being involved in the action or seeing the action in public?

>>8045112
In this context I meant seeing it in public, but you could interpret it anyway you want to

>>8045107
Don't they find it weird

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>>8043117

>>8045173
I'm too lazy to properly arrange these sources and quotes into something readable on this thread so here's the link to various sources that you can read up.

http://asexualresearch.tumblr.com/post/83243577975/how-do-you-feel-about-the-study-that-there-may-be

inb4 "tumblr"
Just look at the quotes and sources

>>8045039
I don't want to see anyone slobbering on each other, but if people give each other a goodbye kiss/hug, or if people are teasing each other with a butt smack/pinch or whatever, or if people are curled up together on a couch or in a chair, I don't care at all.

https://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/what-kind-of-asexual-are-you

What's everyone's result?

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>>8046069
I got asexual, not surprising.

>>8044942
I feel the same way. So what if I never have kids of my own? I'd be happy helping my friends raise their kids and being everyone's auntie. If you want to go the ~evolutionary advantage~ route, it's actually pretty useful to have some asexual people in a group, since it allows for more individualized attention to be spent on each kid, which will help them to grow up healthy both physically and mentally.

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>>8046069
Okay, that's fair. I probably do fap too much.

>>8046069
The questions are very badly written.

>>8046688
It's always going to be badly written on those sites

>>8046152
>grayademisexual

>>8046688
They don't account for AGP. Do I count as "sexually attracted to others" if I'm not attracted to them as others?

>>8047323
what do you mean by not attracted "as others"?

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>>8046069
Wtf is this test

>>8047378
this is not a scientific quiz

>>8047375
I'm attracted to girls by imagining myself as them, not by wanting sex with them.

>>8047386
I know but still it's really inaccurate
>>8047443
I'm pretty sure that's normal

>>8047397
so you're a fag?

>>8047457
More like a tranny.

>>8047463
Why is T everywhere now

>>8047501
because people keep self diagnosing when they really don't know what they're talking about

>>8047481
I'm closer to that than anything else.

>>8047583
Just because you're close to something, doesn't mean that you are.

Trans tends to be built on dysphoria

>>8045038
>doesn't believe in the theory
Hypothesis until there's ample evidence and no equally strong opposing things.

>>8045038
Hug=k
Kissing=please don't

Mostly it just makes me sad

>>8045107
Yeee hugs

>>8045165
Get better friends

>>8046152
Please don't post this garbage

>>8047443
More normal than you think

>>8047828
I have some dysphoria.

>>8049227
>get better friends
But I already did that, anon
My best friend is loneliness

>>8049227
I'll post whatever I want.

>>8025545
I think the guy from Archie who eats a lot too
>oh look, there's a list
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Asexuality

>>8049780
>tvtropes
wew
e
w

>>8049432
I replied to the wrong person. Meant to do
>>8046069
Please don't post this garbage

Tfw you are a useless waste of space with no talents

>>8050436
Shitposting is a talent.

>>8050438
Not in the 'real world' apparently. You can't get exactly brag about that

>>8050367
no fite me

>>8051933
Please don't post. You're garbage.

>>8050171
Troper tales was the best part of that site

>>8053413
no u

>>8053516
It went downhill when they censored the incest trooper tales.

>>8053552
hory shit, I never knew about those. I gotta find those on youtube somewhere now

>>8053575
is this the pony board

>>8053585
no, it's the "let's make fun of people" board. Though that can be said for the whole site.

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>>8049780
I had forgotten about Varys. He's great

>>8053602
i'll be on my way out then, fuck everyone!!!11

>>8014938
I saw the OP cat sticker and a bernie sticker on the back of a car

Which one of you cucks was it?

>>8053724
Was there also some kind of coexist or darwin fish sticker on there as well?

>10 posts in 30 minutes
woah slow down

>>8053735
Maybe

I'm gay, but so disgusted by most sex acts that I end up feeling closer to asexuals than to sexuals. There's just a few short list of proscribed things I'd want to do. People are just so ugly and dirty, and I'm not even a germophobe.

As much as I think gray asexuality and other Tumblr orientations are a meme, gray a really does fit me best.

Low test bf never.

>>8053751
We need to be the new mtfg
>>8053829
R u me

>>8053903
Alright, I'll bite. State (if USA) and how old?

>>8053829
>People are just so ugly and dirty
do you think there could be a reason why you feel that way?

>>8053952
In my case I had slightly stunted growth in early puberty due to a bad undiagnosed food allergy. Like right after I fixed my diet, I grew a foot and doubled in weight (I was 60 pounds in eighth grade). So Ive always thought my early sexual development was affected, mentally.

>>8053943
>USA
Failed the first test
>age
I doubt you would be ok with me
Sorry anon, soon

>>8053973
is that the kind of thing that could be treated with therapy though?

>>8054007
I don't know. Now that I'm living on my own in the big city with an okay earning job, I've vaguely considered sex therapy. I am an adult now and can do what I want. But I feel that any attraction I might gain wouldn't be coming from the natural me, and it sounds disgusting. Vaguely arousing, sure, but only vaguely.

>>8053994
Bummer, man. I feel like homoromantic aces men are practically nonexistent.

>>8054029
>the natural me
the counterargument to this is that the "natural" you hasn't come out yet and you're just familiar with the one that was influenced
That being said I'm no psych and I don't know how much of an influence food allergies would have over that (or whether missing out on that stage of puberty while everyone else is experiencing it could have a long term impact)

>>8053952
he's true though
people are gross

>>8054062
For perspective, I didn't start masturbating until senior year of high school. That shows how delayed things were to me.

>>8054083
Hehe I'm not that anon you're talking to but I had a similar experience. I have no idea how we got onto the subject, but in my freshman chemistry class my friends were like "Wait, you don't..... *moves his fist up and down on the table* " I felt pretty proud of myself for being the oddball

>>8054045
If it makes you feel any better im uggo

>>8054095
I'm not proud of being like this. Maybe I was a little smug when I was younger, but now I don't see being asexual as a positive. Though it sounds gross to me, I know on some level that it would be better if I were fully sexual, since I'd have more opportunities to share a life with someone.

Anyone here feel like fapping is boring? Like I can be in the middle and find it super boring and just want to get it over and done with

>>8054167
it's kind of a chore tbqh

>>8054167
I like the feeling but it's something I literally schedule in ahead of time and do mainly just to avoid sensitive hardons in public

>>8054178
That's what I was trying to say

>>8014938
CUTE GEN TITLE!!! Just passing buy!

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>>8054206

>>8054200
I'm the growth-stunt anon from a few posts up. What do you mean by a sensitive hardon? I can get hard in public, but it never ever lasts more than a minute before it's gone. Is that not normal?

>>8054252
I mean it's sensitive to the touch (touch meaning incidental bumps and rubs from clothing and the environment) in a stimulating way that maintains it for a longer period of time (more than a minute).

>>8018152
google "Lori Brotto Asexual"

>>8041444
>How do I know that I am not just low test?
You could always get tested for this. I did.
>How do I know that I am not just a misanthrope?
Sexual people can be misanthropes too.
>How do I justify my existence if I accept asexuality?
You can only just give a name to what you are experiencing, and try and find others like you.
>How has asexuality changed your self image?
In subtle ways it makes me feel less worthy of love.
>How do I maintain a self image under asexuality?
Probably the same way other members of LGBT have had to maintain self-esteem despite being bashed by society. It's a process. Again, communicating and networking with others like you will help.
>Any advice for a potential asexual?
Grow a thick skin. Both normies and some LGBT people will be mean to you. Do you research and expect to be constantly bombarded with ignorant and invasive questions.

>>8044944
which came first though: the chicken or the egg?

>>8044866
This question is going to sound really asexual, but how much unprotected sex do women in their 30s have to have before getting pregnant?

>>8054167
If I could have no libido and never have to fap again and just stop getting erections (all without fucking with hormones, as those are crucial for other things as well), I would be far happier with my life

>>8054206
>buy

>>8054454
Minimum 1, neglecting pregnant from pre-ejaculate or artificial insemination.
For a better answer, try googling it.

Hey guys, we're... We're done after a week? Wow. Time for topics. Someone suggest something so the dude has some content
</hypocrisy>

SAGA: sexuality and gender acceptance
Some people have moved towards 'SAGA' instead of 'LGBT+'.

Here's the reasoning for it:

1. It encompasses ALL aspects of human sexuality (kinks, fetishes, LGBT+ community, BDSM, romantic orientations, the study of human sexuality, sex workers, etc.)

2. People don't like how LGBT+ has basically become 'alphabet soup' in its 'longest' form

3. People feel that LGBT+ is a good starting point, but doesn't quite capture the complex nature of human sexuality (like how societal pressures and previous experience with trauma can greatly affect one's perception of their own human sexuality)

>>8054503
At least "SAGA rights" sounds cooler than "LGBT rights".

New topic will be how do you know you aren't repressed

>>8054503
will people start wearing blue SAGA hats

>>8054542
Sex therapy? Experiment in an environment designed to be safe and accommodating?

>>8054454
It depends on a lot of things.

Women can only get pregnant during ovulation, so the ~week or so before a period. So for the rest of the month, essentially it's impossible (although a second egg could be released, or release could be early/delayed, throwing off the cycle).

It would also depend on the guy's sperm count and how healthy they are.

From couples that I've known who have attempted to get pregnant, it's taken them anywhere from 3-8 months of trying, but none of these people had any fertility issues that I know of. These folks are ranging from mid-20s to early 30s, though, so chances might be a bit lower once women hit their mid-30s.

>>8054503
I don't want kinky cishets thinking they face the same level of oppression as queer folks just because they're into BDSM, so no thanks.

>>8054557
>Women can only get pregnant during ovulation
see i didn't even know this because I've been fed "don't have unprotected sex or you'll get her pregnant" my whole life
What is it that requires "trying"? Do sperm not have a guarantee of reaching the egg even during ovulation?

Does someone have the Discord link so it can be included in op?
>>8054554
Idk, unless you have a better idea on what edition to pick

>>8054569
>what is basic sex ed
How does it feel to be 3rd world

>>8054567
SAGA isn't about oppression Olympics(like LGBT). It's about educating and accepting variations in human gender and sexuality. We need a different group because some of us find LGBT to be too stifling.

>>8054591
Excuse moi, I'm third world and sex ed here is just fine. That anon is just lazy and doesn't want to google things.

>>8054642
Tfw not americuck
Also, new thread >>8054669

>>8054569
Trying meaning attempting to get the woman pregnant, so not using any birth control, along with tracking ovulation and making sure they have sex more often during it.

No, sperm do not have a guarantee of reaching the egg. Low sperm count and unhealthy sperm can affect this, along with just plain luck. Along with that, even if an egg is fertilised, there is a more than 2/3 chance it just doesn't take.

>>8054591
We don't get proper sex ed in christian schools
When I was 12 they split us into boys and girls, the boys were just told about erections and pubic hair and we were told about how you ejaculate semen, but they didn't explain how
They didn't teach us boys about periods until science in 9th grade. They covered contraceptions in science and PE that year, but they still skimped over the details of how you actually have sex (besides 'penis goes in vagina') and they didn't cover the specifics of the apparent challenges involved in managing to conceive