/acegen/ - Asexual General

>tfw making a new thread drops the last thread we had off page 10 so you don't get to link it

>>7974257
>asexualawarenessweek.com/101.html
something's wrong with this one, I get told it took too long to respond after a minute of it trying to load

My gf (cis bi) is claiming she is demisexual/asexual recently. We haven't had sex for 6 months, but we used to have lots of sex. (she usually initiated too) As I transitioned things gradually tapered off. She was also date raped about a year ago which didn't help.

I can't tell what is what. Any ideas?

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>no "insert here" edition again

>>7974470
We don't know what's happening in her head so you're going to need to communicate with her and not push her ideas and feelings aside in order to fully understand her point of view.

>>7974470
Do you think there's a possibility that the fact you transitioned could be a factor in why she doesn't want to have sex anymore? I don't know your situation but I see that as a possibility that should be at the very least considered

>demisexual
I'm not really familiar with this, but my google tier understanding is "sexual attraction is only developed after an emotional bond is established". If she identifies as that and doesn't want to have sex anymore, could that mean she's losing interest in you?

This is the kind of shit you should really be talking to her about directly rather than just getting advice over the internet from people who know very limited info about your situation

I don't understand, are you asexual when you feel no sexual attraction or when you have no desire to have sex?

>>7974857
I don't feel sexual attraction to any girl or guy. I still get erections and masturbate to calm it down for the next few days it but I think of it more as purely a biological function rather than something I need anyone else to be involved in.

I think it depends on the person though. From what I understand the key thing that defines asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction - whether you still need sexual release in some form is more of a case-by-case thing since some aces don't masturbate at all

>there's another NJ anon
>we're opposite sides of the state
>I have no car

Sorry, North Jersey anon

Hi ace gen!

Possibly ace mtf here again, Just wanted to say you guys are really cool and rational unlike fucking everywhere else on /legbutts/

Romantic love is a myth.
Discuss.

>>7977855
If sex is not included, can you even call the relationship "romantic"?

>>7977886
Not that anon but yeah I'd definitely say so. You can be cute and romantic together without getting sexual. Cuddling, kissing, saying sweet things to eachother, it feels romantic indeed

We have a discord, I guess.

https://discord.gg/3wygQzD

>>7974857
Mate, it's literally in the OP. You actually scrolled down past your answer when it is the third sentence you would see.

>>7977855
Nah

>>7977886
Ya

I wish I was asexual. Maybe I am, I hate how sex complicates things. It's been a false promise to me, all my desires for connection can be met platonically and sensually. I haven't been in a relationship in years and when I masturbate sometimes I'm just thinking of colors and water and space and shit. Currently identify as gay potentially bi, but besides the occasional impulse to be a ho I'm not interested in being sexually active. Lately I've just been associating my impulsive sex drive with manic phases. Does this even qualify as ace? Anyone wanna share their understandings or have been in a similar situation? Only been with men but I'd probably be more willing to find a qt gf to life partner up with if sex was just off the table, or only strictly to procreate.

>>7979133
I don't think I'm devoid of sexual attraction entirely (though I mostly am) but I have no desire to act on it and all of my needs can be met platonically and sensually.
/acegen/ is the first place I've seen people who think the same way about me about a lot of things (such as having normal non-sexual thoughts while masturbating rather than needing porn or fantasizing)

Going by wikipedia's definition, ace doesn't require a complete absence of all sexual attraction - a low amount counts too. From what I understand, it's all a bit of a grey area where asexual is considered a blanket term that covers multiple types of minimal-to-no sexual attraction. It's all fairly new still and relatively unresearched I think.
The way I see it, until I do/feel something that contradicts what I currently believe to be a general lack of sexual attraction or interest in sex, identifying as asexual makes enough sense. If some time in the future things change I'm open to reconsidering - I'm not trying to strictly abide by the expectations of a given sexuality, nor should anyone. All labels are more just about finding something that makes the most sense rather than being a strict set of rules or expectations.

If someone asked me what I am and I'm not particularly close to them, I'd still just say I'm straight so I don't have to go through what would potentially be a "I don't get it how do you not find x attractive" "what porn do you use then" type discussion because I don't want to draw any attention to myself

When you say sex drive, do you mean you're getting hard ons and need to masturbate more to deal with it or that you want to be having actual sex with another person?

>>7980777
thank for responding!
When I say sex drive it's a desire to find someone to connect with and it involves sex. Basically I end up either masturbating or hooking up with someone, but when we're done it's kind of a feeling of disenchantment, where the 'cool down' of hanging out and listening to music and holding each other is more enjoyable than the sex. I mean masturbation is more pleasurable than sex usually because I know just what to do and all my sweet spots and the such. I have a lot of experiences of my sex drive 'fooling' me into sex.

>>7981810
>desire to find someone to connect with and it involves sex
I don't know what that's like personally. But like I said, ace is kind of its own spectrum and isn't exclusively just zero sexual desire.
Ace people can still want to be in relationships, but sex isn't typically the driving motivation (even if they still might do it). Just holding someone or cuddling them can be enough.

It's perfectly fine if you don't fit neatly into a prepackaged label, labels are just generalisations used to make identification easier. It's not like people ask directly what your sexuality is often anyway

>>7974241
hey there, now get out.

>>7981894
I'm sorry, we can't. The doors are just painted on.

>>7974470
Maybe next time don't rape her.

>>7982060
burnn

Do you think asexuality counts as a sexual orientation, or is it a different kind of label?
Ace people can still be attracted to people in a non-sexual way, and that can involve being attracted to specifically men, specifically women or both.
Is that where the ~romantic identities come from? to signify a difference from ~sexual while still having a preference?

Because there's also permutations like 'graysexual' which is somewhere in between zero sexual attraction and 'standard' sexual attraction
In my head it makes more sense that het/homo and sex-driven/not are two different spectrums, and the latter seems more like an identity than an "orientation" in the traditional sense. Maybe that's because in the past I've thought of orientation as being just about the het/homo spectrum and I've got that psychological anchor

Are sexual orientations and sexual identities the same thing?

>>7982431
I would say it's more of a label, but that's just my opinion

>>7982060
Go away /clg/.

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>>7982431
Pic related is how I understand it but it's definitely still a simplification. Lines might not be in the exact 'right' spot but the in-between areas are definitely up to semantics and subjective self-identification
It's (at least) a 2D set of spectrums, and if you fit at a certain point between them all then the label covering that area is the most applicable (but it's still up to you really since ultimately you choose what to identify as regardless)
Whether "sexual orientation" refers just to the het/homo spectrum or includes the sex drive spectrum that incorporates ace too is up for debate I believe. I've heard the term "romantic orientation" be used and treated as a separate thing when it comes to aces that don't have any sexual attraction.
Also I'm sure whether it's gender (identity) attraction or sex (genital) attraction is up for debate. This thread's probably not the best place for that discussion though.
I would suggest that "sexual identity" is a more cover-all term than "sexual orientation" since it isn't confined to just one implied type of orientation, but again it's really just bullshit semantics over what are ultimately made-up terms with no "official" dictionary definition. They're all just labels ultimately, which are just an abstract concept for grouping things together to simplify matters

>>7982883
Different kinds of sexuality:
>romantic vs sexual
>physical vs emotional/behavioral
>genital vs bodily
>self-oriented vs other-oriented

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>>7982883
>definitely still a simplification
No kidding. I like to think of sexuality as an isomorphic contour on the gender and sexuality manifold.

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>>7982883
>>7982948
Here, I superimposed your diagram onto mine to make it more clear.

why is acegen so fucking slow? do you all have lives or something?

>>7982965
How did you make this diagram though
>>7982993
More like the lack of one

>>7982993
be grateful it's not /agpg/.

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>>7982883
holy shit those axis are terrible and they shouldn't be using sex drive at all because that actually breaks the definition of asexuality.

Storms' model is better

>>7982993
Small population and autists can't hold conversations

>>7983223
that's a much more logical way to put it actually
I thought of het/homo being the opposite ends of one spectrum (and sex drive being a different spectrum) but separating them like that makes more sense

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>>7983223
I redid it, not entirely sure why since yours is more academic and official looking

>>7982993
I'm a student. 4chan is a distraction so I try to keep it to early morning or late night only.

>>7982948
>>7982965
>mapping sexualities/other identities to manifolds
>sexuality space
You are overthinking this way, way too much. And seeing how quickly and easily it seems you placed superimposed that other graph, I feel like you actually made that graphic yourself. That's even worse. Why do you have to make this so damn complicated

>>7983223
This is so much simpler. I think it still has flaws, but it's simpler.

The way I like to think of it is simply if you mapped into multiple spaces. Let's say you need to look at romantic attraction. You do >>7983223. Same graph with sexual. They can be similar for an individual, or completely different, but usually similar or identical. If you want, throw in a third dimension to both. Romantic drive and sex drive. Neither affects their respective greater pictures, but simply adds an extra layer of information.

The issue with attempting to graphically and/or numerically portray this stuff is that there are so many factors at play simply because we're talking about the human brain. Not only that, but shit can be nonlinear, factors that certainly affect things in one brain may do nothing in another brain, etc. It's simply a poor way of demonstrating it all. It's a toy model, nothing more.

>>7982948
kek
no wonder the gender wars are complicated we're trying to find an isomorphism between a sex plane and an n dimensional sex manifold with 3 holes

>>7982431
>Do you think asexuality counts as a sexual orientation, or is it a different kind of label?
I'd say that it's a sexual orientation just like 0 is a value.
It doesn't really matter anyway, if you want to see it as a different label it's meaning doesn't change at all.

>Ace people can still be attracted to people in a non-sexual way, and that can involve being attracted to specifically men, specifically women or both.
>Is that where the ~romantic identities come from? to signify a difference from ~sexual while still having a preference?
Yes.

>Because there's also permutations like 'graysexual' which is somewhere in between zero sexual attraction and 'standard' sexual attraction
I don't consider 'graysexuals' asexuals. I don't think that your sexual behaviour defines your sexual orientation.

>Are sexual orientations and sexual identities the same thing?
Not at all. Sexual orientations are about attraction and sexual identities are about your brain's perception of your own body's sex.

>>7984164
>3 holes
Well I guess that settles which biological sex is best.

Clearly it's neither, as they're topologically equivalent. Topologically we have four openings, the two nostrils, mouth, and anus. Only those four are connected in such a way as to create an actual hole through the body. The openings in both sets of genitals just lead to dead ends.

If I'm misunderstanding topology, someone please explain what I'm messing up. Given that I haven't formally taken a class on it this is a huge possibility

>>7976117
Sussex anon here, not even a wiggle down there anymore. Us "animalistic" and "unrestrained" nj acers need to stick together.

If - theoretically - one WAS actually just repressed due to shit that happened in their formative years, how are they meant to go about un-repressing themselves?

>>7985585
How are nostrils different to ear holes?
Do eye holes count as a hole because they're a hole in the skin, even though there is an eyeball in the way?

>>7985420
>I don't consider 'graysexuals' asexuals. I don't think that your sexual behaviour defines your sexual orientation.
But isn't it literally a shortening of 'gray asexual'?
From what I understand, grey is about having low (but not no) sexual attraction yet still no sex drive to act on it. That sounds to me like the identity is no more about sexual behavior than asexual is.

>>7986142
lots of therapy and introspection

>>7986208
And you would be correct. People tend to equate sex drive with sexual attraction and thus combine it into an incorrect definition of asexuality

>>7986449
What would that therapy actually involve though? Just talking through it to come to some epiphany or actually forcing yourself into sexual situations to try and trigger your sex drive unlocking or something?

>>7985585
This is correct. That's why the diagram >>7982965 depicts a triple torus: humans are homeomorphic to a genus 3 surface.

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>>7986766
>humans are homeomorphic to a genus 3 surface
I don't know what any of these words mean

>>7986713
Talking and introspection with a professional that can help with your repression. Mostly sitting in a chair and talking about feelings and then getting advice on how to work on those feelings.

Repression can't just be removed. It's more like chipping away at a rock. If you see someone with repressed emotions suddenly expressing them, they're probably having a mental breakdown.

>tfw turned on exclusively by male masturbation
>doesn't carry on to a desire to have penetrative sex with a partner
does anyone else know this feel?
does it come under ace or gay, or some middle ground like gray?

>>7987432
I have a similar experience where I'm aroused by things but I don't feel the desire to act upon them in sexual acts with another partner.

These things are probably in the ace spectrum but it tends to go to shit because there's people put things like this and other "tumblr orientations" under the ace spectrum.

Technically what I have is a paraphilia called "Autochorissexualism" which was unfortunately turned into yet another orientation on tumblr because snowflakes are rampant and most cannot critically read. But as to what I call myself I just tend to say ace instead to make it easier for people since I don't really feel anything towards people.

>>7987642
That sounds a lot like what it could be. I've always thought that it's been the act itself that causes me arousal rather than the person doing it
>Autochorissexualism
Did this term exist prior to the 2012 paper? Is it an "officially" recognized thing? It's not on wikipedia's list of paraphilias - Not that it makes much of a difference I guess, since it's still just a label to describe a thing and those can be made up at any time for anything that needs it

>>7987719
No, this was coined in the paper.

>>7987736
it's weird that some of these things weren't even acknowledged or recognized until this decade
Was ace historically just not something anyone ever talked about? Or was it treated more as a hormone deficiency/illness? homo/bi dates back millenia, but it seems that ace has only really been a thing that emerged as acknowledged in the last century. Is there any grand reason for this or do aces just make less of a fuss about themselves and tend to hide due to not understanding or asking questions about why they don't feel the same way as sex driven people?

>>7987809
It was talked about and recognized under various names but it just never gained enough attention since it's 1% of the population and the numbers never got together.

It also doesn't help that various cultures and ideas of sexuality would simply place an ace person under another category. For example, if I didn't know about asexuality, I would probably think I was straight and just think I'm just another woman that doesn't get anything from sex.

What am I? I don't think I am asexual but it seems the most relevant to the way I feel. As a straight male in my early twenties, I have no desire to pursue sex or relationships even though I masturbate often and find women attractive I briefly fantasize about pursuing sex and relationships occasionally but otherwise I don't feel a strong desire to satisfy either. Women have made advances on me a couple of times in the past but i declined due to lack of interest in going any further with sex or a relationship. Am I just subconsciously scared of making myself vulnerable, scared of commitment, scared of my performance, and scared of doing something new, or do I just prefer my own company and putting my energy elsewhere? It all just feels low priority and I don't have a fear of missing out on any of it like I do with other activities in my life.

>>7988186
Ace is typically defined by low/no sex drive, meaning you don't care much (if at all) about having sex. You can still find people visually attractive or even sexually attractive, the key factor is having practically no desire to act on it with another person. It's a spectrum of its own, not just a hard zero.

>I briefly fantasize about pursuing sex and relationships occasionally
Exploring possibilities and shit like this is normal.

Ace is just a label like any other - an approximation you use based on whether it fits the best, even if it's not 100% accurate. It's not so much whether you "are" ace or not, it's entirely up to you whether you think the label fits
Going by what you've said, you could potentially identify as ace. When you masturbate, do you use porn or usually just have non-sexual thoughts that would be the same if you weren't fapping at all?

>Am I just subconsciously scared of making myself vulnerable, scared of commitment, scared of my performance, and scared of doing something new, or do I just prefer my own company and putting my energy elsewhere?
here's the fun part, there's no real way for you to know for sure unless you want to try counseling or attempt to face those theoretical fears to test them

>>7988335
I have a libido but like I said I don't feel a strong urge for sexual release. when I do it's only momentary with the fantasies. I find women visually appealing and sexually attractive. I often use visual stimulation when masturbating but I don't like hardcore porn. I sometimes masturbate to fantasy as well too. And with exploring possibilities I indulge in the thought making a move on a woman but as soon as the reality of it sets in the urge dissipates. Maybe the fantasy is better than the reality and I'm expecting everything to play exactly how I want it to. impossible expectations perhaps. but all these theoretical fears are just me guessing. i don't feel hung up or afflicted by any of this so it doesn't irk me. Like you said I'd have to get real experience to find out what I may be self conscious about. Me pontificating about it will just make self conscious about being self conscious. haha

>>7988481
You sound a bit more sexually driven than most people who identify as ace, but you also say you aren't interested in pursuing actual sex which is a typical ace mindset. It's up to you really, these labels don't particularly matter outside of trying to create a basic description of where you stand (and using it so other people have a general idea of where you stand)

Whether the urge dissipates because you're more interested in the thought of a relationship than being a part of one or because there's subconscious shit preventing you from going any further I have no way to tell. Like I said, perhaps see if you aren't bothered by things like vulnerability, commitment, new things etc in other contexts if you're wanting to actively determine whether those factors are actually contributing or not

>>7988526
I am in that gray area i guess. my fantasies are sexual and intimate rather than just being pure lust or romance. But if a partner fitting my ideals offered herself to me I honestly don't know how I would respond. I won't dwell on this too much and just see how it plays out over time. I was more curious since people being conflicted about it makes me question whether or not there is something, even though i don't feel insecure over it. thanks for your feedback.

>check out the legs on that girl! she's pretty hot right?
>are you a tits or an ass man?
>what's your fetish?
>why don't you get tinder? you could have sex

Do you have friends who say/ask things like this?
What do you do in these situations? Are you completely honest with them about your lack of interest or do you feign being more sexual to avoid drawing unwanted attention since you don't want to give them a whole talk about what ace is, especially if it's not a particularly close friend?

>>7989011
Kinda, but I don't really talk much to people so I guess I win
>Tfw socially autistic

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>>7986771
Imagine the anus as three separate holes that overlap. Each nostril and the mouth lead to separate holes there, taking overlapping tunnels through the body. In math that's what's going on. I'm going to answer studios else's question in this answer so bear with me.
>>7986174
Eye sockets and ear canals both lead to dead ends. You cannot follow them through to the other side. You can do that with nostrils. In theory you could send a tube from a nostril through to the anus. They connect. The eyes and ears are analogous to the coffee cup I'm about to cover.
Getting back to
>>7986771
A coffee mug is homeomorphic to a genus 1 surface, a torus. In other words, it's effectively a doughnut. The reason is that it has an incomplete hole, the part that holds the coffee, and a complete hole in the handle. See attached gif. The nostril-tunnels, if you will, overlap the mouth-tunnel. Mathematically you could pull them apart and then reduce surface features like in this gif until humans become the genus-3 surface that >>7982948 shows. This means that humans are homeomorphic to it, just as a coffee mug is homeomorphic to a genus-1 surface, a torus, a doughnut.

>>7985913
I... I don't really know what you're saying

>>7988335
>You can still find people ... sexually attractive
That's exactly counter to the definition. That's exactly like saying you can be gay yet still find the opposite sex sexually attractive. Everything else would be belong to the spectrum, but the base definition is sexual attraction and nothing more.

>>7980777
>ace doesn't require a complete absence of all sexual attraction - a low amount counts too
>>7981874
>ace is kind of its own spectrum and isn't exclusively just zero sexual desire
>>7987642
>ace spectrum
>>7988335
>It's a spectrum of its own, not just a hard zero

My God, what part of "no sexual attraction" confuse you people?
Asexual is in fact a "hard zero." You might fall somewhere on the sexuality spectrum, (though it would be more correct to call it the sexuality plane, see
>>7983335,) but asexuality itself is a single point on that spectrum, not a whole spectrum to itself.
Gay people are "kind of like bisexual people," but we don't say gays are on the bisexual spectrum. Similarly, we shouldn't say graysexuals and demisexuals are on the "ace spectrum" simply because they are "kind of like asexual people."
If you want a label that bad, you could say you're in the "low attraction quadrant" of the sexuality plane, or some shit like that; but phrases like "ace spectrum" are misleading and just plain incorrect.

>>7989817
>but we don't say gays are on the bisexual spectrum.
Nobody is Kinsey 0.

ITT: 99% of people with low libido or low self-esteem wanting a special label. You're asexual if you experience no sexual attraction. If you masturbate and find something attractive you're by definition not asexual. If you don't want to act upon it, you're celibate, it doesn't matter if it's because of religious reasons, or because human intimacy is scary to you.

>>7989838
>t. person with really low libido hating on people with slightly less low libido

Psychologist here:

>Is this a brain dysfunction?
>As much as homosexuality and bisexuality are. It has been officially accepted by the DSM-5 and is no longer seen as Hypoactive sexual desire disorder.

DSM-V is shitty in this regard because it does recognize hypoactivity in sexual desire UNLESS you self-identify as asexual, which to me is a big no no because self-identification in the Tumblr age is a big load of garbage.

Also good luck finding many actual psychologists who use the DSM-V over the DSM-IV-R which is simply more convenient and measurable. Literally every professional around me generally regards the DSM-V as useless in relying too much on self-evaluation. To add variables in which if the patient tells you something then it automatically doesn't matter is foolish.

>>7989863
Yet people still cite the DSM as thought it were truth and not a bunch of politics.

>>7989882
The DSM *is* politics. And so is in general the APA. That something is stated in the DSM, particularly DSM-V doesn't make it necessarily true (since not even actual psychologist have an agreement). It's a very dangerous slope when you add into your diagnostics book that you have to disregard elements just because the patient tells you they're not relevant (to me anyway). Things like a low sex drive or interest have so many possible sources that a person might not be aware of, that it's not as easy as taking their word for it that they're asexual.

>>7989910
>The DSM *is* politics. And so is in general the APA.
Hence the issue with eg trans people treating it as proof of anything.

>>7989918
I'm not American, but I was taught under APA tradition in my University. In general, DSM is a good format to me, it's convenient and generally carries with itself a reputation stemming from tradition, but the problem is that it was born from American academia, and American campuses are VERY influenced by identity politics.

Does asexuality exist? Yes, I'm willing to bet that some folks might be completely void of sexual attraction. Does declaring yourself as an asexual make you one? No.

I've seen the term "asexual" expand and expand with the passing of time, to house a whole wide spectrum that doesn't seem clear, and that in general seems to house pretty much anyone. It goes from the person who can't conceive sexual attraction and finds it completely alien from their experience, to people who experience sexual desire and function sexually, "but only if they have sexual relationships with different partners". It's become an umbrella term for what was classically named "anaphrodisia".

The definition in DSM-V states that these sexual desire disorders are a source of worry only if they cause distress to the person, assuming that if you identify as asexual they will not. What the label "asexual" becomes then is a potential coping mechanism to me. It's a chicken and egg debate of "did this cause you distress before you settled under the asexual label?"

The problem then is obvious: labeling yourself as asexual excludes you from looking at possible therapy for one of the reasons that might've triggered your diminished sexual desire, particularly your desire to have sexual relationships with other people.

>>7989822
I highly doubt that every single gay or straight person in the world is "just a little bit of the other side as well." Sure, most people are between 1 and 5 on the Kinsey scale, but that doesn't mean 0 and 6 don't exist.

And in any case, I wasn't saying that all homosexuals are a 6 and all heterosexuals are a 0.
My problem is with the idea of asexuality as a spectrum, when it has been an absolute 0 since the beginning.
Saying demisexuals and grey asexuals are on the "ace spectrum" would be like saying white people are on the "albino spectrum." There is clearly a difference between what defines someone as white and what defines someone as albino, though they are similar in some ways. Putting one on a spectrum named after the other suggests there is a connection, which there isn't.
Therefore, putting graysexuals on an "asexual spectrum" would also suggest a connection between the two: it would suggest that graysexuals are a type of asexual, which they aren't, the same way that white people are not a type of albino people.

TL;DR: "Ace spectrum" is a stupid and misleading phrase that shouldn't exist due to the false definition of asexuality it suggests.

>>7990162
>I wasn't saying that all homosexuals are a 6 and all heterosexuals are a 0.
Yet you are saying aces have to be 0 on the ace scale to count. Why the double standard?

>>7990184
Because by definition "asexual" means "Not involving, involved with, or relating to sex: devoid of sexuality", and asexuals define it as a lack of sexual attraction. You can't be a "heterosexual-curious asexual". Being asexual has been defined by the inability to experience sexual attraction. If you experience sexual attraction, even if diminished, you are capable of it and therefore not asexual.

>>7989863
Would you like me to change it? Psychology isn't my field of expertise so I would love to hear more of your input.

>>7990203
Psych here: I wouldn't tell you to change anything, consider my disagreement here as a slightly more specialized layman's opinion, I'm no sex expert.

>>7990213
It's not the point of being a sex expert. It's more of the fact that I may be using a bad source for my information. It's like how Egyptologists laugh their asses off when people use certain translations because they're flawed from hell to back.

>>7990199
So, the same definition that makes everyone higher than 0 and lower than 6 on the Kinsey scale bisexual.

>>7990225
Not that anon but I personally use Storms' model >>7983223 and not Kinsey's. It's a bit better since you can visualize a bunch of people floating and drifting around within their quadrant.

Kinsey is a bit too linear for me, unfortunately.

>>7990225
Psych here: I don't think that person was talking about the Kinsey Scale, but rather "asexual" being a "Hard Zero", that is: you need to experience an absolute zero sexual attraction to be asexual, with which I agree. If you experience some sexual attraction, you're definitely not asexual in my book, but merely inhibited.

>>7990224

The DSM-V still uses hypoactive sexual desire. Also I think that the assertion "it has been officially accepted by the DSM-V" is misleading. The DSM-V accepts you self-identifying as asexual if it doesn't cause you distress. The DSM doesn't say anything about an "asexual spectrum" though.

>>7990241
I agree with your model.

>>7990253
>If you experience some sexual attraction, you're definitely not asexual in my book, but merely inhibited.
Asexuality is merely that inhibition. You're defining it as total inhibition.

>>7990253
Correction: it uses, if memory serves (don't have my copy at hand) gender-specific diagnoses relating to both arousal and sexual interest/desire.

>>7990259
Asexuality is defined every time I've read it as an inability to feel sexual attraction. It's not an inhibition under that definition. If there's something inhibiting your sexual desire, then you are not asexual, you simply have something inhibiting your sexual attraction/desire (and presumably working on that element or eliminating it would remove said inhibition). It's a very central distinction.

>>7990253
Ah, got it. I'll edit the OP when if I can get there in time for the next thread.

>>7990287
For the sake of clarification: that "asexual" is accepted as term in the DSM does not equate it to homo/bisexuality, nor does it state that it is or isn't a brain dysfunction, all it does is recognize the label as legitimate if you cope with your situation through it. A.k.a. a "if it makes you happy" situation.

>Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity
>low
>It may also be an umbrella term used to categorize a broader spectrum of various asexual sub-identities.

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>>7974241
>Asexual men

>>7992386
Sounds like he just doesn't like anal.

>>7992419
or he could just be willing to have that kind of sexual contact in order for a relationship to go down

>>7990162
When it comes to categorization, derivatives like gray and demi come under an "asexual" umbrella. Ace is used both as a hard definition and a generic label. In the case of it being a generic label, it can be treated like a spectrum of its own even though only one extreme is pure ace.

While people who identify as the derivatives might not be "true asexuals" they'll still use the ace label because it is the closest fit in a broad sense and it's better than describing something even more unheard of when someone in a casual setting asks what you are

>>7990253
>If you experience some sexual attraction, you're definitely not asexual in my book, but merely inhibited.
Do you see there being any possibility of 'natural' low sexual attraction that doesn't involve inhibition?

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>>7992511
>demi
get out please

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>>7992386
>I'm a special snowflake!

just like everyone else
seriously tho, a large number of gay men don't like anal for a number of reasons.
it is painful and it can be dirty and dangerous
he's not asexual if he enjoys giving and receiving blowjobs, imho

>>7992589
It's just an example of a label that's used and placed under that umbrella. That was the only point I was trying to make. Whether you think it's a real thing or not is irrelevant because people/tumblr still use it regardless of you

>>7992643
>Whether you think it's a real thing or not is irrelevant because people/tumblr still use it regardless of you

people on tumblr think bees are being abused, thought being tan was somehow blackface, and somehow think that all white people have the same culture.

If you're wrong, you're wrong and I don't give a fuck if someone believes it to be true.

>>7992766
Whether it's right or wrong is not relevant to the point I was trying to make though.
My point is just that "ace" is used as a generic umbrella group for a bunch of different labels, including actual ace among other things. Even if you take out demi and only include ace and gray the point still stands.

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I've got libido, i love to watch porn and masturbate and foreplay is so enjoyable for me but when it comes to the sex i'm not sure. I lose my erection, get stressed and especially disgust, am i autosexual/asexualish or got genophobia?

>>7992860
You can have a libido and still be ace. Those are separate things.

However, your reaction may be due to asexuality. What do you mean by "stressed"? And what are disgusted about?

>>7992860
>i love to watch porn
Not typical ace behavior

>get stressed
if it causes you actual distress rather than just neutral indifference it's possible it could be a completely different psychological matter. There's more than one reason why someone may not want to partake in sex

>autosexual
I know nothing about that so I can't really say

>>7992963
>Not typical ace behavior
Are you new to this community?

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>>7992881
Hey, thanks for your quick answer. Well i mostly into girls and had female partners only and the looking of their genital area is makes me disgust, but it's not only about girls i think even when i watch gay porn i try to find soft-core ones. About getting stressed, i just feel really uncomfortable, but really...

>>7992991
Masturbating is common, getting sexual arousal and enjoyment out of porn is not
am I wrong?

>>7993024
No, it's pretty common. Apparently, it's a disconnection between one's identity and the stimulation

>>7993062
Does that come under actual ace or the gray area?

I'm new to acegen. Do you just argue about identity politics every thread? Because that what this thread seems like so far.

>>7993084
Not really, it's more like it comes up every so often

>>7993075
Yes and it has been actually studied.

>>7993084
Unfortunately, it usually comes to that since people tend to have different definitions of asexuality and what should behavior should be defined as such.

>>7993102
What is your definition of asexual? The one I see most commonly used is that zero sexual attraction is ace, and non-zero amount while still lacking much desire to act on it is gray. Doesn't enjoying porn require sexual attraction?

Is ace more about attraction or desire to act on it?

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We should start ticking off

>>7993139
>le plant joke
tfw too newfag to know what this is

>>7993137
Lack of sexual attraction

>Doesn't enjoying porn require sexual attraction?
ehhhhhh, I'm not a professional but apparently not? Like I said, there's a weird disconnection happening. It's a paraphilia that screws up the common targeting process in human sexual attraction (I am attracted to this person) and it ends up breaking off the connection between the subject's identity or self and the thing.

I can't post a scihub link so here's the title of the case study I read up on: "Asexuality and Autochorissexualism (Identity-Less Sexuality)" by Anthony F. Bogaert

I wished there was more research information on asexuality but it's getting there.


>>7993139
check off sociopaths, demisexual, am i asexual, tumblr, and masturbation question pls.

>>7993148
It's the usual joke people say when you say you're ace. Or something about mitosis.

>>7993238
>It's the usual joke people say when you say you're ace
but what is that joke?

>>7993255
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexual_reproduction
specifically
>Many plants and fungi reproduce asexually as well.

>>7993255
"lol so ur a plant"

>>7992783

>>7990162 here.
I understand "asexual" is used as an umbrella term. My point was that it shouldn't be, because it's misleading, much like saying white people are "under the albino umbrella." I understand there are similarities between asexuality and the sexual identifiers often put under the "ace umbrella," but I don't think that's a useful way of thinking about it, because it implies that graysexuals, demisexuals, whatthefuckeversexuals, etc are all "flavors of asexuality." I argue that the ace umbrella/spectrum/quadrant/plane is a stupid concept simply because it confuses people when you try to explain this shit to them.

>>7993238
Which sociopath one? The '' your all sociopaths? ''

>>7993312
wait nvm there wasn't a sociopath thing at all yet
my bad

Is this the kind of shit that can really be self diagnosed, or should it really require going to a sex psychologist who can explore potential other reasons for low sex drive/attraction?

>>7993341
If it's impacting your life in an unwanted way, then yes. That's what psychologists are for.

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>>7993321
No problem anon
>>7993341
I don't think it's really necessary to go to one, but you could if you wanted to. There's no harm in doing so

>>7993238
is sexual attraction the ability to get aroused over something (ie for men, get an erection), or the desire to want to have sex with something?
Are arousal and sexual attraction different things?

>>7993520
>is sexual attraction the ability to get aroused over something (ie for men, get an erection), or the desire to want to have sex with something? Are arousal and sexual attraction different things?

Sexual attraction is basically the feeling someone gets that makes them desire sexual contact with a person.

Arousal is simply a physical reaction. If arousal = attraction that would mean that closeted gay men are bi because they could maintain an erection or that having an orgasm while being raped meant that the victim enjoyed it.

>>7993286
If someone is an actual "true ace" and they're annoyed by other not-ace-but-similar identities being lumped with them I can understand - but at the same time, I think those labels and umbrellas have been established and you'll have a hard time trying to shift what's become the accepted definitions. It's all semantic bullshit in the end really, you can either put up with it or complain and get nowhere

>I argue that the ace umbrella/spectrum/quadrant/plane is a stupid concept simply because it confuses people when you try to explain this shit to them.
Doesn't it make it simpler in a broad sense? Sure it abuses the label "asexual" to include non-zero identities but it also accomplishes the goal of getting people to understand "this person doesn't have a sex drive the same way I do". The quadrants don't work well for describing specific permutations but I'm fairly sure they're just meant to act as an abstract guide anyway and not hard science - so in a casual setting I believe the quadrants work well for roughly explaining what it is

If the quadrant was labeled gray rather than ace would it be acceptable?

>>7992467
>or him sucking me

are asexuals usually politically tumblrinas or emotionally damaged or something of that nature? what are the odds as a gay man to find an asexual woman to have a family with, a woman who isn't an insufferable SJW

>>7993588
my comment still holds. some ace people are okay with having sex if it means having a relationship with the person.

>>7993593
Really rare but that's mostly due to numbers. You're looking at maybe one percent of your population and then breaking it further down.

>>7993601
eh, figures. just cant win as a gay

>>7993603
Tfw no bf

>>7993593
>gay man
>have a family with a woman
I think a lot of women would be uncomfortable with that setup for one reason or another

>>7993624
yeah, which is why I would never want to do it with a woman with any sexual desires
this is assuming asexuals aren't just a myth to begin with

>>7993593
Why do you want that? Any reason in particular?

>>7993630
There's still going to be romantic desires so you might have a few problems.

Unless you go for an aroace woman.

>>7993631
I want a family and it would be easier to do that with a woman, not just for me but for the children
I don't know it's not something I'm seriously considering or seeking out, I'm just curious about my options

>>7993661
I feel like although the chance of the following may be tiny, it may be larger than what you suggested already: why not try to find a like-minded lesbian woman?

>>7993677
Definitely this.

>>7993677
Eh I don't know, never heard of such a thing

>>7993713
it was a bit more common back in the day where two people would be beards for each other

Is there any reason to believe that demi could not be a real thing?

>>7993980
Because only having sexual attraction after having a close bond with them is completely normal and the orientation probably only came to be due to hypersexual media and the belief that something was wrong with them because they weren't able to be ready to fuck so fast.

It shouldn't even be under the ace umbrella because you're saying "I only have sexual attraction if [insert thing here]" and thus can place even people with fetishes under the ace umbrella.

>>7993980
Demi is based on emotional, not so much about sex
>>7994117
This

Does acegen have fetishes?

>>7994135
Depends on how you define fetish but yeah I guess? At the most it has the same feeling as asmr vids.

>>7994147
I never got the point of asmr

>>7994180
I didn't really either until I found something that triggered it. It's like the moment of smelling something good but over and over again. Or the first bite of something you craved repeated infinitely. It's basically something that makes you go "oh dear god fuck yeah" and holds you at that point.

>>7994203
I normally stim and that's the closest I have gotten to something like that

>>7994229
>stim
What does this hip talk mean?

>>7994286
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stimming

>>7994286
I think they're talking about what people with autism do when feeling certain things to process them better (ex: rocking, touching certain things)

>>7994135
I only get aroused by masturbation, idk if that even counts as a fetish

If you were in a relationship and your partner wanted to have sex, would you try it just to see what it's like and/or make it a routine thing for their sake?
If you're a guy and you have, did you need to do anything to maintain an erection? Did you find your partner arousing even if sexual attraction wasn't a part of it?

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>>7994411
>implying anyone would put up with me willingly

>>7994411
I already know that I would probably become physically ill if I had sex so no thank you

>>7994458
just bee urself

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>>7994568

I think I'm aro, and maybe slightly ace.
I hate cuddling, hand holding, KISSING, and being alot around the other person. Cuddling is annoying, hands get sweaty when held, kissing is disgusting. I tolerate other people when we share activities (example: we both need to buy something so we go shopping together).
Past the period of initial affection, "honeymoon", i lose all interest when it comes to romantic actions. It tears all my relationships apart.
It's not that i don't want a relationship. I enjoy romantic actions on RARE occasions, and when alone for a long time i kinda long for some sort of affection. I just can't make it last.

I enjoy non-romantic sex, as long as it's sex and sex only. I got few fuckbuddies(of course i don't cheat on my partner when in relationship), but romantic sex is usually bothersome and unpleasant for me.

Should i accept my fate as a person unable to have a relationship with anyone? I kind of want to get married and all....

>i feel
>i think
>i believe
>i might
Asexuality in a nutshell. Please show some hard evidence before making a whole dictionary of self-reported identities, especially in a time of awkwardly confused and label-happy geeks. Most of the "ace spectrum" was made up by Tumblr and is the fruit of hypothesizing . You could ACTUALLY be hurting yourselves or other people.

>>7974470
She's cheating on you mate. It's kind of obvious.

>>7995232
>i feel
>i think
>i believe
>i might
All of these are used for ANY self-identification, including straight

>>7995268
Yes, but the definition of what being gay is doesn't change with every person and whatever interpretation they give. All I'm reading here is a majority of people who just feel awkward about intimacy or read like they have some sort of attachment issues, who are given a platform in which to simply accept that as a normal part of their experience. All of these ace categories are terribly confusing to people, and for the most part there's some terrible mental arithmetics at play to fit people into one of the categories. If I tell you, after identifying as straight my whole life, that the other day I felt like sucking a dick and I liked it, there really are only two main explanations: I'm gay or I'm bi. Meanwhile, this "ace spectrum" gathers all sorts of different things with no conclusive evidence of anything rather than it being a way to deflect emotional problems on a sexual identity.

>>7995303
You'll find a lot of people here disagree with tumblr snowflake sexualities

if a woman does not find any men sexually attractive, does not find any women sexually attractive, and has no desire for sex, what do you suggest their sexuality is?

>>7995337
Couldn't tell you. Women can have sexual/desire dysfunctions (in fact it's more common in them than men) and it doesn't mean it's an issue of their sexuality. A bunch of psychological and physical issues generate sexual dysfunction, and even just your relationship with sex. To then assume that must mean definitive proof of asexuality sounds like people latching on to the "I was just born this way so I don't have to do anything about it" mentality.

I don't deny that there might be some people that for whichever reason are born/develop being unable to experience sexual attraction, but whenever I read these threads most everyone seems perfectly fine in the realm of having sexual desire, what they're not okay with is intimacy with another person, which to me as an outside observer sounds like a personal issue, not a sexual identification.

>>7995268
>All of these are used for ANY self-identification, including straight
Wrong, for being trans you need an objective diagnosis of GID.

>>7995370
If you fap to the idea of sex, would you consider that sexual desire?

>>7995400
>the idea of sex
wtf is this avant garde shit?

If you stimulate yourself with sexual thoughts to masturbate, of course I consider that sexual desire. As far as I'm concerned, I'd consider masturbating part of sexual desire, because it /is/ a substitute for sex.

>>7995385
People still self-identify as trans whether you agree with it or not

>>7995409
What if you masturbate without sexual thoughts?

>>7983223
Is this backed up by real science or is it just an abstract concept that makes sense but has no proof?

I wish I had an ace gf to cuddle. I don't need sex and I think a relationship without sex can be really peaceful and nice.

>>7995543
Masturbating is a sexual urge. I find it very paradoxical that someone can tell me that they feel "no sexual attraction" but still feel sexual urges. I could concede that an asexual guy told me he needs to masturbate because his balls are bursting (still dubious, in any case), but then what about women who identify as asexual and still masturbate? There's really no "release" in female masturbation at the genital level, it's more of an endorphine rush. So why should I simply accept that someone who is sex-functional and finds pleasure in masturbation was "born" with an inability to conceive sexual attraction, when the simplest explanation is that something psychological is holding them back? It also doesn't help, again, that asexuals have no actual consensus on what the hell being asexual means.

>>7995580
>I think a relationship without sex can be really peaceful and nice.
those are called friendships

>>7995584
Love > Friendship

>>7995534
That doesn't make them genuinely trans.

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>>7995580

>>7995534
People also self-report hearing voices and that doesn't make it real. The day that OCD stops having pangs of dysphoria as a possible symptom, or when childhood dysphoria starts being a permanent thing rather than something that goes away, we can start 100% trusting self-identification.

>>7995626
friendships involve platonic love

>>7995583
I masturbate because I get erections and my dick gets sensitive. If I didn't, it would be an active annoyance in my everyday life to have constant erections and physically react to the slightest touch or bump. I've had blue balls multiple times when I didn't bother for a long enough time. When I masturbate I don't use porn and I don't have sexual thoughts - I'm just thinking of normal shit the same is if I wasn't masturbating - eg what I plan on doing today or some assignment that's in progress.

I'm not a female so I have nothing to input on that front

>why should I simply accept that someone who is sex-functional and finds pleasure in masturbation was "born" with an inability to conceive sexual attraction
Just because you have a biological need to ejaculate periodically doesn't mean you have an emotional desire to involve another person in that. It doesn't mean you're scared or disgusted by sex, just that you are indifferent towards it and have no desire to seek out a partner for sexual purposes

>>7995638
Is the point you're trying to make that some self-identifications are irrelevant or that all of them are irrelevant? Because I believe the latter but it only matters if there are more serious consequences like mental illness or transitioning or whatever

>>7995568
Abstract concept like Kinsey's scale.

>tfw got hard when writing something affectionate to a close friend
what did my dick mean by this
is this that demi thing?

>>7996048
please don't be serious

>>7996057
the story's true but the demi bit was just memeing
I get erections from a few rare things like that but it doesn't translate to a conscious urge to have sex with them. I don't believe I fit the true definition of ace but I also can't relate to the sex drive/desires/culture of "normal" people.
It could just be because of a religious upbringing where abstinence was dictated from childhood and lust was shunned (especially homolust) - I don't really know and I don't think I can either unless I go to counseling or some shit

>>7996100
I think those are just called no reason boners

>>7996115
but it's replicable and specifically initiated by that

>>7996124
idk then maybe you need to go to counseling like you suggested already

>>7996124
I don't see why writing something affectionate to someone couldn't be seen as a subdued sexual thing, especially if you come from a family with sexual taboos.

If you get aroused from something relating to a person (appearance, emotions, whatever), is that inherently sexual attraction? Or is sexual attraction specifically the desire to have sex with them, which is not the same thing?

>>7998054
In basic terms, it's the feeling you get that makes you desire some kind of sexual contact with them.

If you develop sexual attraction to someone after you know them for a long time does that end up invalidating your own identity? Does that make you straight, or not really?

>>7998230
That makes you a straight person that just takes a bit longer and is very common.

>>7998230
There's a post somewhere higher in the thread that says how modern society focuses so much on sex (especially porn culture and media in general) that people are just expected to find people sexually attractive at first sight, but for some they aren't interested in having sex with someone until they have bonded with them on an emotional level
I don't know what kind of science it's backed up by but it makes sense to me. Just don't go treating it like that is itself a sexuality, demi is a tumblr meme

>>7998282
Come on man, if the degree to which one has sexual attraction is not a sexuality, then asexuality would not be a sexuality.

>>7998298
Ace means you don't find anyone sexually attractive
If you find either men or women sexually attractive, you fit under the het/bi/homo fine. The degree or frequency to which you find things sexually attractive aren't what sexuality labels are for
That's how I understand it at least

>>7995036
What would be wrong with developing something resembling a relationship with a fuck buddy? If you become close friends with one, how much of a difference is there at the end of the day?

If you're straight but also Ace, or if you're gay but also Ace how would you define your sexual orientation when someone asks you?

Do you say yes when someone asks you if you're gay?

>>7998733
I'd say "Yes but not sexually. I'll cuddle a guy all day but I'm not into sex at all."

>>7998733
I actually still do not have a good way to answer this without getting into a conversation about sexuality.

>>7998743
As a gay guy do you get a lot of flack? Or are there guys that are looking for relationships beyond just sex that are okay with that?

>>7998751
Seems like the reason most people ask is to see if you're willing to date them. Why not just say you're gay, and then if the topic of sex comes up just say you're not really interested.

>>7996048
I don't know. I have similar things as well. I just don't pay much mind to it.

>>7998298
That's more the qualities someone finds attractive. Clearly they don't find looks attractive but find friendship attractive. That isn't a sexuality, that's preference.

>>7998783
"I'm gay but no homo"

I feel like someone is just making all the permutations they can come up with now and asking them rapidly. Why are you doing this, anon?

>>7998773
No one knows I am and I will never tell because I am afraid of people judging me.

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>>7998803

>>7998803
Does that mean you don't date?

>>7998917
Yep! Not like I'll ever find a compatible asexual person in my life

>>7998773
I feel like it'd be necessary to be upfront about not being interested in sex because these days most people treat it like an expectation and it'd likely even be a dealbreaker for some

>>7974241
All those questions.

No one gives a shit - NO ONE. Not one single individual in the face of planet earth gives a single fucking shit about your patethic existance.
The truth is you just want to be LGBTs to be "progressive" and "cool", but you don't belong. You don't belong anywhere. Acegen makes as much sense as me making a group with other people who have dogs that start with the letter H and calling that a sexuality.
Fuck off already.

>>7999131
you're a big guy

>>7998803
>>7999091
holy shit are you me

>>7999131
MARK THAT OFF THE LIST, BOYS

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>>7999310
I got you, anon

>>7999355
Man, I am so tempted to spout off the remaining squares.

>>7999366
Same, I really want to tick off the sociopathic ones

>>7999366
>>7999512
it doesn't count if you're just memeing

>>7999587
nah, it'll work if I make it sound real

prove that you're not repressed (you can't)

>>7999587
I feel like it's kind of true though
http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

Am I one of you?

I remember being an awkward 13 year old... all my friends were talking about sex and chicks like irrational horndogs... and I just couldn't understand that at all. As a teenager, everyone thought I was gay, but mostly because I showed no interest in anyone.

As an adult, I started longing for a relationship, mostly because I felt lonely and depressed. I have dated both males and females, and had sex with both. I cannot really say I hate sex, but I am almost indifferent to it. However, I must admit that I do like being wanted by other people. Sometimes I did initiate sex with my partners though, but mostly because I wanted to make them happy. I don't think I ever had sex in a selfish manner. I remember that girls would usually say that I was gay, and guys would become depressed thinking they were doing "something wrong". I had only 2 partners that were okay with the way I viewed sex.

I have been single for over 5 years now. I haven't had sex in all this time. I am completely okay with that, but sometimes the concept of sex feels so foreign to me that I feel as if I were a virgin again. I don't want to be in a relationship right not, but I think that I will want that eventually. However, I am already stressing out about the sex. Honestly, I am just tired of explaining people about what I want.

>>8000168
Sounds about right. Welcome.

How many of you are OK with cuddling?
Is Ace truly superior

>>8000564
Cuddling is the best thing ever when done with someone you love, I approve.

>>8000564
I really love it but I've had some bad experiences where people took it the wrong way so that part of my brain has been cauterized for the time being.

Does anyone else here fap when they're bored? Also, if I use porn to help me with that, is it considered Ace?
>>8000622

>>8000622
Woops meant to ask what happened

>>8000691
Do you want to have sex with the people you see in porn?

>>8000564
Cuddling is my favourite thing
I try and sneak hugs from my friends whenever possible

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>>8000691
depends on how you feel about the porn you're looking at

>>8000697
>grow up being lovey dovey as a kid
>get physically close with a dude in elementary school
>dude doesn't like it at all
>never do it again because i realize it's bad
>eventually taper it off until it's nothing in high school
>go to a hippie private school
>cuddling comes back as a thing
>meet up with a high school friend at his campus
>cling to him
>cuddle
>he thinks it's some kind of sexual tension thing
>...well shit never doing that again
>taper it off again and it's now basically dead

>tfw physically close friend that I hug, rest on etc
>he doesn't seem to mind
>not sure if it's within the realm for just a friend or if it that shit is more intimate than that while still not being sexual
>don't know if I should ever bring it up in case it makes him uncomfortable because while he's also pretty effeminate and sensual he identifies as straight

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>>8000724
FeelsBadMan
>>8000707
Not really

reminder that hugging someone without consent is no different to rape

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>>8001304

>>8001319
it's the ace equivalent of penetrative rape
hugging is an intimate action that has the potential to only benefit one side if the other doesn't consent

>>8001328
Whatever, I haven't gotten any hugs in a long while and I've gotten used to it anyway

>>8000564
Cuddling is the best fucking thing ever, I love it
But no, ace is not superior.

>>8000691
I do. I also use porn. For me porn is just something I can passively look at and focus on, preventing me from getting distracted by my thoughts. I'm rather certain I'm not using it as most non-aces do. If you're like me in this regard, you're probably fine.

>>8000882
Some people just like physical contact. I have one friend who's like this and he's definitely straight. You can ask him if he's actually okay with that, but if he seems to not mind I don't see much point to it.

>>8001356
I'm sorry, anon :c

>>8001979
Isn't Ace the endgame though, no need to be bogged down by relationships and sex

>>8002044
Many aces still want relationships, they're just not motivated by the sex part
which in many ways makes it harder since in modern society sex is practically an obligation in any relationship even before marriage. In many cases sex is even the primary driver of a relationship, which is a contributor to the high divorce rates because people stay together based on sex rather than the ability to tolerate each other as people let alone close friends

>>8002055
>Tfw you will never get your consciousness uploaded online and have a perfect qt bf there

>>8001328
the ace equivalent of penetrative rape is penetrative rape

>>8002101
What's the lesbian equivalent?

>>8002108
Penetrative rape.

>>8002083
>ywn be around when they finally develop ai that you can fall in love with

>>8002211
Or you can upload your brain and be the ai I fall in live with, anon

>>8002397
>falling in love with yourself
disgusting

>>8002405
What's wrong with AGP?

>>8002422
when the fuck did I say that? Also, it was sarcasm.

>>8002405
I'm not samefagging

If I had a childhood where sex was shunned and I was sheltered from being exposed to it, is there any way to know whether my lack of sexual desire is just "natural" ace or if there's actual repression going on?

>>8004992
You could try going on sex apps and the like

>>8004992
therapy would help.
Or you just think and go "why don't I want this?" if you're not emotionally constipated and can understand your emotions.
If not, you could go to a professional and they can help you through the process of thinking like that.

>>8005099
like tinder?
I don't care about seeking a sexual relationship. I'm not repulsed by the idea of sex but I have no interest in trying it with anyone until I'm in a proper emotional relationship first - which is basically the polar opposite of sex apps. The reason WHY I think that way is what I'm not sure about.

If it was actually self-enforced abstinence, I would have expected that there would still be some kind of conscious desire to have sex with people accompanied by conscious "no I shouldn't do that" thoughts - but that's not what I get. There's a few things that get me aroused but it's not accompanied by any "I want to fuck that thing" thoughts at all. The whole concept of arousal and sexual attraction being different things is still new to me and it's made me realize I don't know if I even understand what sexual attraction is, perhaps because I've never experienced it?
I don't know how the brain works, I was indoctrinated in that shit way before puberty, so I don't know if it could just be second nature and I don't /need/ to think about blocking it out on a conscious level because the subconscious is already doing it for me - is that a thing? Does the subconscious work like that?

>>8005357
You really are just thinking much too hard about it. There is nothing wrong with avoiding hookups. What you should do is wait until you are dating someone you like, and when the time come for sex you can have this conversation with them and see how it plays out. You will know whether there are problems or not.

>>8002405
Yeah I can't date myself, too many flaws. Devs can fix it in post though

>>8005357
An incredibly, incredibly large number of people are indoctrinated that way and the overwhelming majority throughout history have still come out "normal". I'd wager to bet that your history of any form of indoctrination is for the most part unrelated.

>>8005386
that sounds like a terrible idea and would probably major problems. People don't even like having differing political views so why do you think sex would be any different?

>>8005905
Why not just Uninstall yourself though

>>8006275
nah, the trick is to add mods

>>8006288
So...rooting myself and adding modules? Sweet

>>8006313
no I mean like skyrim mods

>>8006322
Oh I see. Which one would you choose though

>>8005925
That's an interesting point that I hadn't considered.
There was a thing that happened when I was around 12 that might have contributed to it though - I was looking up pictures of naked people just to know what body parts were meant to look like, dad found out somehow and confronted me about it. Generic "what you're doing isn't right" kind of shit - he thought I was masturbating to it, I didn't realize this at the time because while I had started masturbating I hadn't figured out the connection it had to porn. When I told him I was just trying to learn more, he just got more angry because he thought I was lying. It didn't get any further than that - I didn't even get punished in any way - but that event stuck with me because it was the most "in trouble" I'd ever felt. Possibly because there was a whole week in between him saying he needed to talk to me and actually talking about it so there was a whole week of that "oh shit" feeling, or maybe because since anything sex related was already a taboo it just felt more serious.
Since then I've always felt guilty to some extent when seeing nudity in any context - I don't know that it really counts as "trauma" though, considering the amount of much more genuinely traumatic shit that can happen to children. Plus nudity and sex are different things so I don't know if it'd even be related or if it's a separate issue.
I might have a nudity issue as well though - when I was really young mom told me "don't show your private parts to anyone" - which was probably just for the sake of looking out for pedos, but I've also always been uncomfortable being naked in change room settings too. I would be that kid who used the cubicle to get changed. But being naked isn't consciously a reason why I'm not motivated by sex so that might not be relevant here

>>8006358
Probably the macho man dragon mod

>>8006363
>nudity issue
Are you me
>>8006371
Wtf don't give me nightmares

>>8006275
Why would I uninstall myself? I'm just waiting for patches to be released. Maybe I can be fixed without rebooting!

>>8006363
I too have an issue with my body, but I think it's separate. I seriously want you to think a lot about the possibility that your history with your family is unrelated.

Unrelated, is anyone else incredibly uncomfortable with the knowledge of someone finding you attractive?

>>8006988
>is anyone else incredibly uncomfortable with the knowledge of someone finding you attractive?

I think I would take it as a complement personally

>>8006988
>is anyone else incredibly uncomfortable with the knowledge of someone finding you attractive?
Me
>>8006988
What if the dev gave up though, and there arent going to be any more patches?

If you've ever been in a relationship that got to that stage, how did your partner take it when you said you weren't interested in sex?

If you use porn you're not a true asexual

>>8007210
>what if the dev gave
I think this is the case

Hey guys we're close to the bump limit after not even a week. That's pretty damn cool

>>8007892
Well I hope someone has a good idea what's the next edition going to be

>>8007952
"how do you know you're not just repressed" edition

>>8007973
OK now someone just has to edit the op pasta if irrc

>>8008005
Something about taking out the DSM-5 bit since it's not particularly accepted in psychology communities?

>>8006988
>is anyone else incredibly uncomfortable with the knowledge of someone finding you attractive?
oh dear god yes
I basically base my outwards appearance now to make sure less people come to talk to me but now it's getting warmer and I'm going to die.

>>8008010
Yea, that

A few of you are saying you're uncomfortable with someone finding you attractive
Can you think of a reason why that's the case?

>>8008051
You know when those annoying straight guys get all pissy about having gay guys checking them out?

It's like that but not with a fucking stick up my ass.

>>8008051
Normally I would assume that in the case where I'm found attractive, they would want to get into a relationship with me, which I wouldn't know how to make it work at all

>>8008051
A lot of people, especially women, are trained from childhood to be "nice" and never to reject anyone, even if it means hiding how they feel. They may even fear that something awful will happen if they say no, as these things do happen sometimes. They'll never know the pleasure of totally shotting down someone eho's hitting on them, or leading them on for a little while only to set up the perfect situation to humiliate them later.

>>8008083
hello sociopath anon. I didn't know you were coming around this thread.

>>8008083
Teach me your ways
(I'll update the bingo later)

If you're genuinely disgusted by sex (ie not just neutral or indifferent) would that be a sign of a more serious psychological issue?

>>7977855
I let a cartoon-character explain it to you because I am too lazy to write my own opinions about it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rWunrNejmA

>>7999355
>>7999688
>to be a sociopath you need to have a grandiose sense of self
I thought all of you had low self-esteem, like I do

>>8008123
could be depending on the person in question

for me, (pardon the food analogy) it's like trying to eat something I don't like. The textures and tastes don't mix well with me.

>>8008171
Really makes you think, doesn't it

>>8008051
I don't want people wasting time thinking about me that way. I also just generally feel that it's weird that someone might find me attractive, and I don't like that feeling. Not totally certain why that is

>>8008083
Welcome back, sociopath anon. We may or may not have missed you

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>>8007856

>>8008114
Don't try an elaborate scheme to break someone's spirit on your first try. Just work on making yourself look presentable and don't tell people you're ace as a way of letting them down easy. Remember, it's not you; it's them. If they ask why you're rejecting them, turn it around and ask why you should accept. Try to hold back laughter as they feebly try to explain what makes them worth your (or anyone else's) time.

>>8008711
Thank you based anon

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>>8008773
Why are you getting advice from this anon? They have been in this gen talking about this sociopathic shit for months.

>>8008891
I haven't been that active here due to other factors, and didn't really see that anon much. Why not though

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>open /lgbt/ after months of break
>first thread is someone's asshole
Not impressed. At all.

Also, first anime girl of the thread. Even the gay threads post more of these.

>>8008051
I've had many guys tell me that I'm attractive and even a few male friends out-rightly saying that they masturbate to fantasies about me, which although creepy, doesn't unsettle me at all (I attribute this to my failure to understand sexual behavior). If anything, I don't mind because it means that if I hang out with them they'll expect something and their face after they realise that the girl who they saw as their walking schoolgirl fetish is actually not interested in sex at all is hilarious, like >>8008083

>>8010506
>male friends out-rightly saying that they masturbate to fantasies about me
is that a thing that people do? openly admit to shit like that?

>>8010557
It seems so with the circle of people I know. Once they think they've reached 'close friend' status they seem to lose a sense of decency and perhaps think they can openly say that shit because 'just a bit o' friendly banter innit' or they want nudes. [spoiler]That and they're probably just desperate virgins.[/spoilers]

>>8008942
>why should i not follow the advice from a bad person who is telling me to humiliate and belittle people
holy shit are you stupid

>>8010607
I can't think of a reason why they'd openly admit to that unless they were hoping it'd somehow propel it forward into happening in real life (or they were drunk and had no filter). Even if that was the case though, it's such a tactless way to approach the situation

>>8010616
They deserve it

>tfw best friend gets a girlfriend and you get jealous of the girl

>>8013614
>>>/lgbt/agpg

>>8013636
wew
It's more because now it feels like there'll be personal shit he'll share with her instead of me, in a way kind of like I'm getting downgraded? Does that make sense at all or is it arrogant as fuck?
Though it's also kind of made me realize I don't really understand what the difference between a close friend and an actual romantic relationship is to me, given that sex isn't a motivation for me at all.
I guess there's shit like an expectation to move in together and get married in a romantic relationship and they usually tend to come more from a perspective of meeting someone new and "trying it out to see if it works" - as opposed to friends who are usually a matter of circumstance rather than seeking them out. Friends are a bit more 'stable' and long term, at least until you're married. But when it comes to the actual day to day interactions (or even the difference between a date and hanging out) I don't really know how it'd be any different. Having close friends seems to even make more sense than a romantic relationship, assuming friends are okay with cuddling (which in my experience they have been)

>>8013722
>Tfw no qt friend to cuddle
>feels like there'll be personal information he'll share with her instead of me
I get you. I think it's only natural
Now you just have to break them apart and claim him for yourself

>>8013955
there's been "repressed" and "true asexual" posts

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>>8013979
Yea I was thinking about that and wasn't sure If those counted

>>8014115
Might as well move the no A in LGBT to the free space
Alternatively I vote we rename that space "unsafe space"

How do asexual people have sex?

>>8014205
Ace people can still get aroused, that's a separate matter to sexual attraction
sex is still possible

>>8014205
Missionary position for the /sole/ purpose of recreation

>>8014237
Unironically this. Well, I guess positions is quite irrelevant.

Why haven't you gotten a qt christian partner yet?
They won't care about sex either, at least not until marriage

>>8014186
Maybe, make a straw poll and and we'll see
>>8014360
>Tfw no qt Christian bf
Because my lack of faith conflicts with them desu

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>>8002405

>>8013722
This. I'm so fucking scared of my friends getting married and forgetting about me. We've know each other since we were 4 years old, I can't live without them.
I hate that I'm never gonna be the most important person for someone.

>>8014360
because I'm an edgy kid that's not religious

>>8014205
We use our ovipositors to impregnate the host

Someone edit the op pasta and I'll make new thread

>>8014830
Nah, I'll make it myself. I was waiting for it to finally go off the board since some people like to complain but I'll do it now

>>8014938
>>8014938
>>8014938
>>8014938
>>8014938
NEW THREAD YA FAGGOTS