• Informed Consent Providers:
• Makeup Tutorial: http://imgur.com/a/JO33K/
• MTF Info Dump: http://pastebin.com/36HC6ZmT
• Size charts: http://www.americanapparel.net/sizi http://www.nationalworkwear.com/siz
• Transition timelines: http://imgur.com/a/qWpxv
• Voice Training: http://pastebin.com/dgipdsge
• Articles, Studies and General information about Questioning, Transitioning and other stuff: http://pastebin.com/CyW1dXV8
• Useful links about/for transgender people: http://pastebin.com/h1vLPxyV
• Transgender FAQ: http://pastebin.com/8QbKyShU
• Am I trans/trans help threads archive: http://pastebin.com/CPzj0xv9
• Basic Trans Information: http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS.html
• Hormones, and so much more: http://www.transgendercare.com/
• For your doctor: http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/
>Where we are:
#transbians on Rizon
1. What is a transbian/trans-lesbian? → MTF transsexuals who are also lesbians
2. Isn't that just a straight guy? → No, orientation is who you go to bed with, but gender identity is who you go to bed as.
3. Are bi trans girls, welcome here? → Yes but please the keep boy drama in MTF General please!
4. Are cis lesbians/bisexuals welcome? → Yes.
5. Do trans-lesbians use their penis when they are pre-op? → Some do, some don't.
TFW no one will love you regardless of your genitalia as much as Kongou.
>tfw no one will love you because you're ugly as shit
Every time I show my face to someone who's been flirty and affectionate towards me for months online they get all quiet and 'let's just be friends' despite saying over and over they dont care how I look because my personality is so nice. This happened before and after transition so it can't be just about not passing.
>tfw nowdays i never show my picture
>tfw people stay close to me because they think i'm just a shy cutie
>tfw living a lie because it's the best i'll ever get ;__;
I never thought it was as bad as the reaction I got, I have always reluctant to show my face but now it's 'literally never' -tier. Sorry anon, if you had asked me 6 months ago I might have posted it.
I`m bored :/
I thought that today i will be in good mood and will be able to chat with friends without complaining about shitty life :-|
That's really sad; I wish I could hug you and tell you it's all right. You could wear a mask if you were too embarrassed to have your face seen; I would also wear one, I'm embarrassed to have my face seen too. We could cry behind our masks and hug and tell each other we're beautiful people no matter what we look like, like an overly dramatic stage play. It would be a lovely scene, really touching, the audience would love it.
Or we could take it a step further, only communicating anonymously on an image board, attached images as the only visual representation of us. The audience would probably not love it though.
Was going to rant a bit but I typed a long blog post so I deleted it. Still saved it. Might post it later. So, instead, just a pic of my new haircut. Back to bangs.
Had a couple nurses joke about how they could wash me when I explained what dysphoria was about. Heavy innuendo too, so either they didn't get the point or they were trying to make me uncomfortable.
Because that's about the only thing left that brings me serious dysphoria, having to see and touch the things between my legs. 133 left and that last bit is gone. But yeah, nurses wash people everyday. Mostly elderly folks and cripples. But well, I wouldn't mind. After SRS, that is...
>you could consider changing your body shape
I've never shown anyone my body but im working on it!
>there is always ffs in the long run to work towards
It costs money, neets have no money. If I'd have money I'd go for electrolysis first
>tfw an older gentleman and I think his grown son were fallowing me about in Lowes.
>tfw any time I turned towards them, they looked away, and they visited the same three sections I did in the same order.
>tfw back at the farm
>tfw me and brother talking about putting a windmill or two up on the farm.
You know, you could be dangerous with that smile.
Preferred by accountants who were taught to use calculators that use it. It's the only style calculator I use.
>tfw time to do chores.
>1. If I had a magic button that you could press that would make you wake up tomorrow as a girl, with everyone else understanding you and relating to you as a girl, irrevocably but painlessly, would you press it?
>2. Alternatively, if I had a magic button that you could press that would make you wake up tomorrow still as a boy, but without any of the gender issues you've been having, not questioning your gender, and able to live happily as a boy with zero dysphoria, would you press it?
>3. If I had both of those buttons, which one would you rather press, all other things being equal?
I don't know. (I know that doesn't make sense)
>4. If I had a test that could tell you if you were a guy or a girl, which answer would you be hoping for as you took it? Which way would you try to skew your answers, if you did (consciously or not) try to skew them in either direction?
Skew towards girl.
>5. If you washed up on a desert island, by yourself, but with any amount of both male and female clothing, with no hope of rescue but otherwise everything that you needed for a relatively healthy and happy life, would you choose to present as male? female? neither? a mix of the two? one way some of the time, the other way the rest? If for some bizarre reason a lifetime supply of hormones washed up with you as well, do you think you'd take them? What if you washed up with the button from the first thought experiment - in a situation where you were by yourself, would you press it?
I'm not sure. Currently I enjoy dressing as a girl, but after cumming I want to take it off. Until I get horny again, like 20 mins later, then I want to wear it again. I would probably get bored and take the hormones because the idea of it arouses me. I would probably press the button as well, as long as I could keep my dick I guess.
>6. Let's say I had a test that asked about all of the things, very thorough, and at the end it would tell you, with 100% accuracy, whether or not you were trans. So you take it, and it tells you, "Well, you've got some mild gender confusion, but you're definitely not trans, and you shouldn't transition." How would that make you feel?
Relieved but a bit saddened.
>7. On the other hand, what if the test told you "Yup, you're definitely trans all right, and you should probably start planning your transition." - how would you feel about that?
Fearful but extremely aroused. Excited and very happy inside.
That smile is as fake as it gets, pic utterly related. So, yes, it's dangerous. I am dangerous, as a whole. Way too plastic and phoney. And I've done enough harm for a lifetime already.
Seriously, if that's earnest, you probably shouldn't transition or self-med. Keep it at the clothes level. What you describe is almost the textbook definition of a fetishistic transvestite. Don't do anything rash and keep in mind that sexual arousal and gender identity are very different things.
thanks for your reply. thing is though, the more i indulge in it, the more i want to be girly 24/7, the more I want to wear girls clothes 24/7, acting gilry in itself arouses me, i guess i have textbook agp
im just afraid its gonna get worse and im gonna lose control and go do something i will later regret
the girlier and sluttier i feel, the happier i feel. it's like a very deep seated feeling of safety, calm, and genuine happiness, like everything is right with the world.
It sounds like you want to be a girl, or at least present as one at times, but are afraid of making permanent changes, and are thinking you want to keep your penis.
Some follow up questions:
You say you enjoy dressing as a girl, but after cumming you want to take it off. Why do you feel like taking it off then? Shame? No longer aroused? Something else?
If you were to know you were not trans, why would you feel relieved? Why would you feel saddened? If you were to know that you were trans, why would you feel fearful? Why would you feel aroused? Why would you feel excited and happy inside?
Sexual arousal is clearly a part of why you enjoy acting as and thinking of yourself as a girl. Is that the only reason? If you were to suddenly be afflicted by a disease that prevented you from being aroused, do you think you would still want to be a girl, or would you not be interested anymore?
Do you feel like you need to either be a boy or a girl? Do you feel like you might be most comfortable somewhere in between? Does your answer depend on whether or not you are considering only your own happiness in isolation or also considering how other people might think?
Would you be happy as a femboy, perhaps? Maybe consider asking /femgen/. From what I've read so far it sounds most likely that you want to take on a feminine presentation because it meshes well with what makes you feel comfortable with yourself, but aren't necessarily interested in becoming female, per se. That's a perfectly legitimate way to feel, and if you do feel that way you shouldn't feel like you need to either be a masculine male or transition completely to female. Basically, I think you're going to need to think a bit about what sort of things make you happy, consider incorporating those things into your life, but don't feel that that means you need to go any farther than you feel comfortable with.
>You say you enjoy dressing as a girl but after cumming you want to take it off. Why do you feel like taking it off then? Shame? No longer aroused? Something else?
I just feel like its all stupid. And yes shame. Mostly I just feel like what am i doing, this is stupid and pointless there is no reason for me to be doing this. This is not me its just a stupid fetish
>If you were to know you were not trans, why would you feel relieved? ...
Relieved cause I guess I would stop fearing that I would someday transition with or against my will. If I were to know I was trans, I would be fearful of the changes I was gonna have to make, and how people were gonna look at me, how i would be judged etc. I don't know why it would make me excited or happy, but whenever I feel like a girl or a slut, i just feel sooooo happy inside.
>Sexual arousal is clearly a part of why you enjoy acting as and thinking of yourself as a girl. Is that the only reason? If you were to suddenly be afflicted by a disease that prevented you from being aroused, do you think you would still want to be a girl, or would you not be interested anymore?
Actually I was recently on a medicine that lowered my sex drive, my will to do girly stuff almost completely disappeared, like by 90%.
>Do you feel like you need to either be a boy or a girl? Do you feel like you might be most comfortable somewhere in between? ...
I kinda wish i had a button i could press to switch back and forth. My biggest reasoning to not transition comes from considering what other people think, mostly like I feel like I would have betrayed my culture/history etc. if I would just be some sissy gurl sex addict instead of trying to improve the world.
If I would be like diagnosed with klinefelters or something and be told i was sterile, i would probably transition desu. And yes something in between i would keep my d
thanks for your reply
what exactly is a femboy?
desu i used to have a pretty girly body, widee hips, i started working out to try to change that, and to try to kill this fetish
it kinda worked but now like 6 months later its back real strong
i dont think i could "present" as a female, the shame would make me cry in public and give me panic attacks and i would feel like killing myself
>You can be a sissy gurl sex addict and still work to improve the world, you know; they're not at all mutually exclusive.
Can I though? If all I'm thinking about is the next cock to suck/ride and im in that state of mind all the time I don't think I could be very productive at all sadly.
Tbh being feminine when I'm still like thinking of myself as a man does nothing for me. Honestly I think it's kind of disgusting. It's not depraved and shameful enough for me to be turned on, but to me it's just weakness and shouldn't be encouraged. Sorry I'm pretty judgemental, im pretty fucked in the head too
desu also I used to look super androgenous as a teenager, like even up to when I was 19, I was a couple of times mistaken for a girl, and at this time i was not trying to look like a girl, being girly didnt turn me on or anything
i did wore panties at a few times, almost compulsively, but i didnt quite understand why that was such a turn on for me
but now a couple of years later i look way more masculine, my face shape is way more manly, i think the train has gone for me, its too late anyways
>>You can be a sissy gurl sex addict and still work to improve the world, you know; they're not at all mutually exclusive.
>Can I though? If all I'm thinking about is the next cock to suck/ride and im in that state of mind all the time I don't think I could be very productive at all sadly.
You're probably not going to be particularly productive if you're feeling depressed about your situation either. There's a balance to be found; you don't need to lose your old interests and ambitions just because you are less inhibited about the things that give you "a feeling of safety, calm, and genuine happiness, like everything is right with the world". Try your best to realize when you are using all-or-nothing thinking about things, and consider whether or not that is actually a good reflection of reality.
>thing is though, the more i indulge in it, the more i want to be girly 24/7
kinda telling with your other post.
>the girlier and sluttier i feel, the happier i feel. it's like a very deep seated feeling of safety, calm, and genuine happiness, like everything is right with the world.
Oh fuck do I know that feeling. Of course muted by 35 years and lots of electroshock, but oh do I remember it. Don't do what I did and become an escort.
I think you really need to talk to a gender therapist. If you are under 30 get on AAs now to stop any further masculinization while you try to figure things out.
>If I would be like diagnosed with klinefelters or something and be told i was sterile, i would probably transition desu. And yes something in between i would keep my d
There is always freezing of sperm for use later. It's called sperm banking.
Being mistaken for a girl when young was common for me. A dress, and everybody thought I was a girl.
FFS can do wonders on a face. Don't give up yet. The area they can't change yet is the chest cavity. To many vital organs in it. I could stand to loose 6+ inches from my rib cage diameter.
>tfw this video has a few teasing shots of two gals tangoing together.
I'd love to tango again.
came out to my family 5 months after hrt started, went FT a month later. That was in October of 2014. Now I don't feel stupid wearing girls clothes because it's what's normal. I think it changed my whole perspective of what it meant to be trans when I started living it and not imagining it.
>I think it changed my whole perspective of what it meant to be trans when I started living it and not imagining it.
After a year I groaned at wearing mens clothing. I couldn't even put it on. It's all in a pile in the corner.
>come here expecting lewd mtf x female stories
>just a bunch of people lamenting their sorry lives and >tfw no gf
One of the girls I grew up with is now a professional tango dancer and did a gender studies doctorate. I'd be curious to meet her again, haven't seen her in years.
Also, I wish I could genuinely smile, and afford to fall in love again. Neither seems likely to ever happen, though.
I know one transbian that is too busy doing the lewds to come here and talk about the lewds so maybe that's common. To be honest I probably wouldn't come here too often either if I had a GF to cuddle
Oh, I could. Actually, I well might. It's definitely past due.
But having it happen without me fucking up someone else's life again is a whole different problem. And I carry too much guilt already.
Apparently Christmas without family wishing me "to choose the right way" is better :P
But from now on I will be living new year eve`s with grills :P
Have to prepare everything :3
Some memories of a client made me think of this song.
He taught me tango & flamenco. I remember thinking back then "Shouldn't I be paying you for these lessons.". In return I inexpertly taught him belly dancing. I wonder what happened to him. He isn't listed as one of his father's sons anymore. I'd have dropped him as a client if it wasn't for the lessons. I was the dom with him, and I can't do dom that well. It takes a lot out of me.
>I wish I could genuinely smile
>fall in love again
I know you can to both
I now know I can too.
If you let yourself heal that won't be an issue.
>tfw mom&dad commented we were noisy xmas eve.
48 hours later, and I can't remember what we all did. The two of them had me lost in feels.
*hugs* I wish you the best of luck, and may you find what you need.
I've become a real fan of Anna Calvi. I don't care if a musician is in or not. I'll listen if I like their music. That kinda set me apart from all the kids around.
There is so much good music out there. Often I remember a song, but only it's feels and impressions. These are ones I at least remember enough of the lyrics, title, or artist that I can find them.
Lately I've been listening to lots of tango music trying to find what I often danced to, but I can't find it. Some of it may have been unique or local only distribution, but I mostly have just feels to go on.
>tfw absent mindedly caressing my sleeping sweetie as I read posts, and she finds and reclaims my had when I go to type a post in.
she's still asleep.
>tfw I better try and sleep some more.
>be super excited for the appointment on the 29th
>visit brother over holidays
>get coughed at by little kids
>get home sick
>probably won't be able to make it
fml, seems like I can't have good things happen to me.
Some time before I ended up on medical leave, I caught wind of a rumour at work that was both weird and creepy. Supposedly my wife died from cancer a while ago and I took on her name and I was compelled to become her. Inaccurate on almost all counts, but... I have to admit there's something at the core. Hard to explain, especially for someone as self-loathing as myself, but what instantly fascinated me when I met her was that I felt I was looking at myself from the outside. And there probably was some narcissism talking in that love from the very start. We had a lot in common both in looks and thought. Odd symmetries and parallels. I've used a picture of her as wallpaper of most computers I've used since, and I've been asked several times if it was an old picture of my younger self. I have wondered if she was FtM or a lesbian and if that could have led to her final choice.
What I know is that when she died, it felt as if I had to. And what I had to do was to hang on to the memories. Not just to keep her memory alive, but to keep living for us both.
I'm not sure what there's to cure here. She's been my life support and in a way, my better half. A cure would probably end us both.
It can work out for the girls without too much Dysphoria. I'm leery of it but I'm not sure if I could partake easily. My general thought is different strokes for different folks so whatever works?
If you take care of yourself and rest you should be feeling better by the 29th unless its something that lasts awhile. Plenty of fluids and rest, make sure to eat healthy and sensible, and some tea with honey may help the cough.
Generally even if I had any, I try not to be overly lewd in the thread. It's not my thing, sorry anon
Just put a much friendlier looking picture on my OkC profile, while keeping intact the insane ramblings I've had there to keep people away for years. I wonder if that will get me more messages. So far, I've had one person daring to write per year on average. And I ended up in a rather long and messy relationship with one of them.
I partially grew up on his music. He is one of the first few musicians I bought albums from. Blondie was first. I can't remember when I first met him, but it was early on. I never really knew him, but he recognized me the first time I was at Max's Kansas City. K is telling me it was likely one of the parties at her LI place that my parents were also invited to.
I'll admit I like Anna Calvi's cover better.
As long as I'm not thrusting, fine. Would prefer to have that damn thing inverted.
Dope yourself up on cough meds, and go. I'm coming down with a nasty cold now. Sucks! I'll have to do the cough medicine thing.
>narcissism (classical definition)
>Not just to keep her memory alive, but to keep living for us both.
I'd wondered. Your posts in the past have more than hinted at this.
>A cure would probably end us both.
I doubt it. You talk a lot of death and ending it, but you are still here. I also know getting cured will only change your relationship with her. You'll still have her in your memories.
Some MtFs end up living through their wives and gfs. I know Anne Vitale, PhD has some on it on her web site.
>tfw ice storm coming tomorrow morning.
>.1" to .3" accumulation
>tfw generator gas cans are empty
>tfw I need to go out and fill them
I know this is a bit of a overused question but how do transbians have sex?
I'm trans and passing, this febuary I'd like to start HRT, but my girlfriend and I are worried for our sex lives.
Any advice? And again, sorry to beat a dead horse.
I've been scouring the internet high and low with things ranging from it varying from person to person to masturbating often keeps your penis's functionality intact.
I guess what I'm asking is, do the majority of you penetrate with your partners?
Provided you're fine with your genitals (Let your stance on that and GID be where it is ofc.)
Honestly, maybe that's just insanity speaking but that love is the only good thing in the warped travesty I call my life, the only reason to keep that wretched carcass going. Why would I want to snuff that light? And more importantly, why would anyone want me to?
I rarely get sick. When I do, my body reacts violently, though. Last time I had a throat infection, a couple years back, I had two days coughing blood, then everything was back to normal. I just hope my immune system and out of whack healing won't cause a mess after surgery...
Well, I guess we all have our price. But mine is so ridiculously high compared to what I'm really worth it might as well not exist. But who knows, maybe someday I'll meet someone insane and wealthy enough to pay it. I kind of doubt that.
Tip from a singer acquaintance who can't exactly afford to cancel shows because of a cold: the good old lemon grog works in a jiffy, but blending in a sage infusion works even better even if the mix smells like manure.
Oh, and follow-up on the OkC experiment, already got a message: "Don't know how you do it but you barely look 22and you're pretty dope too"
>tfw cold is worse today.
>tfw chores are done, and waiting until 1 hour after taking my levothyroxine pill so I can eat, and go back to sleep.
>All women are whores
Some women are dominant and in control. They are definitely not whores.
..."you could be dangerous with that smile."... ;)
>tfw trying to deal with aspects of my former life that I find hard to understand why. The need for affirmation as a woman drove me to seeking out multiple clients. I already had an income to envy and it was set to grow quickly too. So it wasn't for the money.
Out of the frying pan, and into the fire, is the way I feel sometimes.
That would feel like a change, at least. My life is somewhere in between Waiting for Godot and the Tartar Steppe... I just spend it waiting to die in order to fulfill a promise nobody will ever be able to know the outcome of. Not even myself...
lol Like the 2nd or 3rd time I modeled when I was 14, and Gia (pic) was flirting with me. I hadn't started hormones yet. Before makeup and clothing I was on the feminine side of androgynous. After, I'd look like an adult woman. The makeup artists were masters at making the young models look older, and did the same for me while also feminizing my face some.
No, that's Gia, so is this. I was more of a string bean. I had barely enough bust that they could create a bit of valley with great effort, but no chance at cleavage.
I don't know. You see, I still had this thing dangling between my legs that she couldn't deal with. If there was another girl there, she could, but with just me, no. So the time in the restaurant worked, but the times in my place and her apartment didn't. It actually sucked because I was madly in love with her. Who wouldn't? She was an absolute goddess and didn't need makeup to look smashingly beautiful. To top it off she pressed all the right buttons when she took me out on a date. She took the guy's role, no questions asked, and I loved that. The portrayal of her by Angelina Jolie doesn't do her justice. Jolie was too timid, and didn't swagger right. Yeah, she could be as seductive as any gal, but she naturally swaggered.
Then there were the drugs. She got me hooked on heroin. I likely could have kept the amphetamines and coke use inline, but heroin use too, no. By the end of my 15th summer I was up to two speedballs to get going in the morning, and it was starting to effect my stock trading work. The stock trading for family and relatives was how I could afford to not get paid by the studio as I learned photography. It paid all my day to day bills including food and housing. The drug issues caused me to freak. I changed course, got away from them, and went into rehab. When I got back and settled, after my sophomore year of hs was done, Gia was gone. My first 2 to 3 months of my sophomore year I was taking methadone, and the rest was to give myself a break from temptation. I know I talked about the drugs and going into rehab with both Avedon and Scavullo, and I think they kept me and Gia away from each other after that. Both of my current lovers were friends with/sometimes lovers with Gia. They freely admit to keeping us apart in late '81 and early '82. I likely needed that or I bet I'd have been sucked back into heroin use.
>You see, I still had this thing dangling between my legs that she couldn't deal with.
You gotta remember that some of us have never been with a girl so they dont even know how it's like to get that far.
Yeah, and I've done both as lovers and clients. As far as I know I still have yet to get into bed with a transwoman or transman.
If it's any consolation, my years form '87 to 2014 were for the most part a decent into PTSD hell. Only three good tales along the way. I managed to capture the interest of a couple authors so that they based characters off of me, and I met a singer from a rock band at an after a concert party.
First author, it was a bit dubious. She noticed I didn't react when an incident happened behind me, but instead casually turned around and assessed things and turned back to the group ready to continue the conversation. Yeah, rah, total deadening from ptsd in action. We talked about it, why I was like that, etc.. I didn't know it was ptsd then, but I kinda did know what events lead to it. We also talked about potential names for her new character as she'd just gotten an idea on part of a story of how her principal character in her series met his future wife.
Second author. Happened near the start of a science fiction convention. I arrived late, and was over-joyous happy. I'd just gotten my hotel room key and was heading to get my badge. Opening ceremonies had just let out, she emerged from the hall, and we ended up face to face. I spill my spaghetti. Normally when I get to a sf convention I'm feeling quite happy to be there. This time I was amped up much more than normal, and it wasn't due to the convention or meeting her. I'd dropped my cattle trailer off at my cousin's farm so I could carry home my new bull. Cousin breeds them, and I'd bought one of his. He took me out to dinner. As soon as I got into the cab of his pickup, I was feeling like it was a date and he was taking me out. My cousin looks like a cleaned up version of the Marlboro man. I start squashing the feelings as best I can, and they last all throughout dinner, and all the way back to his farm. I left his farm and headed to the convention. I was elated. It was the first time in over a decade I'd had any feelings towards anybody. Yeah, kinda creepy it was my cousin, but dam, I was capable of being more than an iceberg. It was in that mental state that I met the second author. She used those bright blue eyes I'd get when really happy. From a conversation I had with a friend, she chose to make the home for her female lead character be like what I described as an ideal home away from everybody. She must have been listening in. She also placed an important facility the characters visit under a corn field in the State I live in. There are some other traits that are also used.
As for that singer. I not only didn't go to the concert, but I didn't even know their music let alone who she was. They'd had 3 top 20 albums by then, and had just released their 4th album. Anyways, we monopolized each other's ears for a good three hours. I finally listened to their music the next day and liked it. Also my friend told me then that the singer was hitting on me like crazy. I was my oblivious ptsd deadened subby self and didn't notice it at the time. Arg!!!!
It's not just about looks. Actually, looks alone aren't enough either. But if you've got that spark that makes exchanging glances and a few words enough to make for an out of the ordinary experience, well, you get to meet some interesting characters.
A friend tells me I'm ultra nice. For all three of these, I was fit, not overweight, neatly groomed, symmetrical face, and had a super thick calico beard. I've also been told I can be a very intense listener that draws people to talk.
Years later, and being able to dissect myself, I can see where my feminine traits came through and how I carefully presented a smooth calm exterior which made me very easy to be around even though I was feeling totally out of place and unsettled inside.
You know I know you're really selling yourself short here... This is probably the corniest thing I'll ever say on 4chan, but you really have a knack for making people like you, and just one step away from more, without even thinking about it. So, yeah, it's been a long time coming but yes, I guess I could fall in love in you (I'll still do my best not to.) And by that I mean with your brain. I don't mean that just from an intellectual standpoint, though having an organ suited for that kind of intercourse is obviously a plus. No, I mean that which you've managed to keep in spite of going through hell. All that and not even feeling guilty about it, and you don't have to either. Don't get me wrong, that's not something I want to sully or appropriate, not that anyone could, anyway... But basking in that warmth for a while... So, yeah, cheesy. Now that's out, let's forget I ever mentioned it, OK?
>I guess I could fall in love in you
Warms my heart.
>(I'll still do my best not to.)
how am I not surprised at this... (^3^)~~~~*
I usually don't look to close at myself for fear of what I may find. I easily see my many internal faults, and try my best to never let them show or effect others, but I often fall down.
I know why I'm so careful about what I say and do. It's because I know what it is like to be shat on again and again and again. I don't want to be the one creating discord. "Do unto others as one would have done unto you." is something I really try hard to live by. No, I'm not perfect, but I try.
Not any more. That went away with being declared dead, and having my brain fucked over by conversion therapy. My estate was settled before they figured out I was still alive. I did have some good jobs post the shit, but with how fucked up I was, I couldn't maintain them. Also what I made at them has been used up.
>be good looking
decent, but not spectacular. My female self would let my male self of 20 years ago fuck me. I know I left a trail of broken hearts as I was often oblivious to them hitting on me. Oops! I'd notice hours or days later if I noticed at all.
>know the right people
You kinda got me there. I wish I was better at maintaining relationships. PTSD sucks as it deadens out ones ability to maintain relationships. At least I'm working on getting rid of it. I did have a number of lucky breaks. Dad getting his first post doc research job at placed us in a resort community where many very successful people lived. Being there meant some of them could notice my traits and skills as I grew up.
>tfw my brain is giving up for the night.
Well, I'm not afraid to look at myself, and there's little there that's not to loathe. People are still drawn to me and the best i can do is keeping them away. I know there's that veneer of phoney purity that lends me a fake air of innocuity. I never had sex with someone I wasn't in a committed relationship with (except those few times, well...) and I never sold myself (my body, at least...)
But I know I can't and shouldn't be trusted, and there's no true love without trust. Not that it matters, all I have to offer to those who have the misfortune of falling with love with me is pain and misery. Falling from grace hurts forever, there's just no fixing that, no redemption, no cup bitter enough...
Honestly, that happened a lot when I was young, so, a long time before transition. The place-to-be in the city where I was a student happened to be very LGBT friendly, and while the guys left me alone, I was offered drinks by girls more than once, it didn't go anywhere, though because I was very much between genders back then and they gave up when they realised the innocent little girl I looked like had a dick in her pants.
Other than that, I had a 8/10 aspie girl going from politely ignoring me to being best friends the moment I came out as trans. Still waiting for her to make her move. I most likely won't say no because I'd hate to hurt her, knowing that I'll probably hurt her even more doing so. Probably won't have to manage that dilemma until I'm back from Thailand, though.
Well, the worst about that kind of illness is the inflammation. Thing is, the brain can regulate inflammation up or down more than any medicine when provided the right push. Health and feelings are more tightly bound than most medical specialists would admit... Cancerologists are the worst. I wonder when they'll stop clinging to really crappy p-values and admit that stress is the prime factor in most cancers.
Finally going to spend New Year's Eve with acquaintances, that I haven't seen in a year at best. My presence was, well, expected. Long drive, but I caved in after the third message asking if I'd be there. Also, there's a wonderful shop for DIY cosmetic supplies in that city and I feel like experimenting with bust creams and lip plumping balm. Anyway, I'm not sure how my transition will move the lines at that party. There's going to be a lot of wine flowing and I wonder who will end up drunkenly cuddling with me.
>innocent little girl I looked like had a dick in her pants.
I never remember doing the innocent girl look. I dressed to look older or entice or both. I suspect that had a lot to do with why I was successful at finding partners of either gender even though I was under age. Also it may have had something to do with the really loose sexual mores that were present in the late night and after hours clubs in NYC. Sex without love was easy to get. You just had to be willing. The attitudes at the end of the '70s and into the early '80s really were very different than they are now. AIDS changed things big time.
I'm afraid even with the improvements in my health, I doubt I'll be ready to party come new years eve. I took my temp. 98.6F or 2.2F warmer than my normal for the first half of December. Yeah, my symptoms are down, but...
Both K&D caught it too. They are about a day behind me in symptoms. I suspect I caught it around the time of the drive from farm to the parent's place on Christmas eve.
I need to find a good shop for cosmetics, and their base ingredients. I learned to mix and match my own.
Have fun at the party. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. ;)
For the perfume part, this is one of the best online shops you'll find US side:
As for doing things you wouldn't, I think there was a time I did a few. Like stripping in front of a few hundred students, outing myself in the process (I'm afraid I'll never see as many jaws drop at once), or being called on stage by a singer acquaintance to perform the last encore... I'm a lot less wild than I used to be, but I still have that rep. And we'll, that's not the kind of party for drugs and sex. Maybe some rock'n'roll. And I think I shouldn't have much trouble dragging someone into slow dancing over a Whiter Shade of Pale. That never gets old.
And innocent looks, well, you can play spot the tranny with this pic. This was 95, last year of high school, and I still think I look quite tame and ingenuous for someone who was hooked on codeine and drinking a lot too much at the time.
White top & black hair against the wall on the far right.
At a major disco known around the world, I swapped dresses, while in the middle of the dance floor, with the gal of a couple I'd been dirty dancing with. Then we had three way up on the balcony. We had quite a few spectators by the time we were done. Right as I was returning to the dance floor one of the club owners changed the music to Abba's "Does Your Mother Know". I suspect he knew I was under age. I went over to the music booth in a huff as that song kinda burned because I was newly estranged from home. He was giving me a shit eating what are you going to do about it grin. I was about to say something, then I grabbed his jacket, undid the halter tie on the dress and let it drop. I put his jacket on in place of the dress. While he was still stunned, I pinned him to the railing with my leg in his crotch and I groped and french kissed him. He started getting hard. I then dragged him over to the bar and down into the basement where I proceeded to make out with him. He protested I wasn't the right sex. So I removed my gaff, letting my self get hard against his leg. He dragged me to a more private part of the basement. Likely less than 90 minutes total time. I danced in the jacket for the rest of the night, and even wore it on my walk home in the morning. LOL cab fare was easy. He had thousands in the pockets. I returned it to him the next day with all but the cab fare in tact. You know, he never payed that song again when I was descending the balcony stairs. Yeah, it kinda set my reputation for the next year or more.
lol So yeah, don't do anything I wouldn't do. ;)
Yeah, I'm overweight. Stress, and thyroid/endocrine system issues. Plus I collapse anytime I try to loose weight.
Found me. And you win, you always will. The worse I could do wasn't that bad, being a small town girl set on a straight and narrow path. I'm just afraid of what I would have done if I had been in the kind of ambient you found yourself in. I had no limits other than the ones the were hard set by others for me. In all likeliness, I'd be long dead and all of my own doing...
Also, it's that time of the year again. Nightmares are getting worse than usual already. We had one of those "truth hurts" talks, if you've been in a rocky long-term relationship, you know the ones... She accused me of being a bloody megalomaniac and of seeking eternity for her only because i wanted it for me as well. Woke up in a pool of sweat...
Other than that, I felt like I'd just stepped out of a fashion plate when I double checked the mirror on the way out. People going wow and complimenting me. And all I can think is "fuck, tonight better be good because I can't wear that exact co-ord ever again"... I'm not even sure why I went out of my way to put it together. I already know that this party will be tepid and boring. I keep getting invited in hope I'll raise some bedlam that will make the evening memorable, but I haven't done that in years. Not even sure I still have it in me.
I'm a US size 6 except for my bust, which clocks at 10. Sucks when I have to buy dresses and coats, but it's not like I can make my ribcage smaller. Might gain a size straightening my back and getting the lower ribs removed, but that's a painful prospect.
>why are we all chubby
Stress, and hormones. HRT can mess with the thyroid and make one gain weight.
It was the only choice given your current looks. I don't always win. If I did, I'd never have been subjected to conversion therapy. I also have my other mistakes. I just often learn so much I usually make the right choices. Even then I still may flub.
You want to attract attention, and you are hoping the party will be interesting. I did my own thing fashion wise because I wanted to be noticed. It wasn't enough that I was wearing a Halston, it needed to be a personally customized Halston, unique to me.
Do these have an androgynous vibe at all? Are they nice? They were given to my brother but they don't fit him and they fit me.
I kinda like them but I've always been bad at knowing what looks good. And /fa/ scares me so I can't ask them and I don't know who else to ask
I guess that as much as I despise myself, and even staying quirt, I don't like being ignored or taken for granted. The wallflower that intimidates everybody without moving a muscle...
I wear my own jewellery, my own perfume, some of my own clothes and accessories too. All designed to fit the garments and the occasion. Obviously, not a single luxury item, I'd feel really bad spending money on those. My perfumes almost always vex boutique sellers who pride themselves about knowing every perfume on the market, though. I usually let them guess and throw niche artisan perfume names around for a while.
Next big project revolves around a matched vest and skirt I'm stitching from antiqued sheep leather...
I need to set up a sewing kit again. Haven't really had one for years. Unfortunately I now find setup and tear down to be blockers of my doing many things. Even with doing my light paintings and sculptures.
I had a full sewing room in the NYC home, more of dedicated area of the studio space. Just some cabinets, sewing machines, dressmaker dummies, and a bunch of tables. Kind of of a costuming shop for me and the girls. Even J used it some. C&M used it the most. They made many of their own designs, as well as some of mine. We also modified lots of clothes there. Wear it a few times, modify it, and wear it a few more times.
>an art room...
>an electronics shop...
I need a bigger home.
Given that I'm bisexual, yes if I think the joy it brought her would be worth it to endure the depression it would cause in me, and if I still had one at that point.
(pic) The pastille side of the Force.
Don't know if you'd do it but I ended up doing my nails and taking sefies while driving 80 mph on a mountain highway. I'm pretty sure you have a dozen stories worse than that, anyway.
Now, I also went to do a bit of last minute shopping since it's the first time in a good while I'm anywhere that could be called a city. And I think you may be onto something. Caught something like a whiff of glory.I was walking in the middle of the sidewalk, looking straight ahead, and I could feel the crowd splitting in two before my step and all those eyes on me... Usually, I'm the one stepping aside at the lightest brush. But this moment? Didn't feel good. It just felt, well... right. And that's fucking something I could addicted to.
So, I don't know how much that has to do with last night's nightmare, but maybe she's letting go, letting me be myself for a while, don't know if that will last. Not sure I want to.But right now I feel like I could pull a Lady Godiva, and by that I definitely don't mean the Velevet Underground song, thank you very much.
Oh, and the evening WILL suck. The girl I'm going with is pregnant and taking her previous baby to the party.
Ok, this really sucks. Middle-class, middle-aged couples with kids. Two pregnant women. Only singles are nerdy guys. Hummus, veggie tarts and organic fruit juice.
Everyone's square as fuck and I look like I stopped on the wrong floor and crashed the party.
I think I'm going to get shitfaced and belt out military anthems to get myself blacklisted with that crowd once and for all.
Ok, after a magic feeling, there's a major crash... Should have known, especially at this time of the year. Haven't felt as miserable in months. The buzz I got this afternoon is completely gone. Even the music sucks. Old dub? Seriously? I feel ugly and dirty and useless. I want to run out of there screaming for air.
>Everyone's square as fuck and I look like I stopped on the wrong floor and crashed the party.
well that sucks, to bad there are kids there otherwise you could have gotten some party enhancing liquids going on
if you aren't going to meet these people again then I would probably get out and eat some chinese food at home while watching Ivanhoe (1982) like everyone else
>organic fruit juice
Quick, spike it. ;)
Sounds like your friends grew up and you didn't. Nothing wrong with that in my mind. Personally I think a bit of irresponsibility is a necessity in anybody's life. I watched all my friends from my second time in college grow up, marry, have kids, etc.. while I never connected with anyone. Very frustrating. I'm now watching their kids grow up and marry. 2 marriages in June. At least they are 3 weeks apart. That'll give the parents some time to recover.
*hugs* Still likely better than the staying at home that I'm doing. Bloody flu still has me coughing. At least the fever broke some. Still not down to my normal.
Know any goof honky tonks you could party at?
Uh? Watching TV? I don't have one. Besides, I'm half a country away from home. Or from the madhouse that's my defacto home these days. Nah, next year, I'm probably going to stop being a cheapskate and either fly to meet people I've known for years but never met irl or just "invite" someone and tailor the best face-to-face cozy evening my money can buy...
Well, I grew up too early and I'm just back where I left having a life. Signed my life to the government when I was nineteen, nice lifetime contract with a respectable title, a "nice" "real job" with decent pay at a three-letter agency. And now I'm burning that contract. And keeping the benefits. Between the disability pension and insurance coverage, I have 30k a year for the rest of my days, 200k kind of illiquid equity and 100% free time. Except I won't have much to do with all that...
Well, happy new year, I guess. Nothing happy about it for me even though it's bound to have the most changes I had in my life in a long, long time... I guess that's worth a phoney smile.
How's the dating scene in WA? I've been racking my brain about transitioning for a while now and I think the only major thing stopping me is how difficult it would be to get in a relationship, which is already difficult enough for me as a dude because of social anxiety.
Happy New year to you too. :)
It's 6.5 hours before it comes here.
Me... Hips are size 16 to 18 now, but I could diet them down to 14 to 16. Chest, 20 to 22 now, and started at 18 to 20. With bust growth, I'm not sure I can go back.
Work on your social anxiety as you transition. As for WA social scene, it would be better to ask in /mtfg/ and /lesgen/. I'm not sure any regulars here are from WA.
I see everyone posting pics of their faces... but I'm WAY to shy to do that...
However, because I'm still super hyped for these ARs I built and the fact that I'm going to help build a friends AR tomorrow, I'll post a pic of my shooting one of my new babies...
Plenty on /mtfg/ but here? Not so much. I guess I post a lot of them. Then again, it's pretty easy for me. Looks are the part,of "everything", as in "why are you crying,you have everything going for you", I can least disagree with. Deep down, I still don't believe a thing, but what I feel deep down, they call psychosis, so...
Doing a bit of light reading in the middle of reading a book.
>As we delve further into the topic, it emerges that gender has long been a preoccupation for her. "When I was a child, I really wanted to be a boy. Not just in an 'Oh, I wish I could wear shorts and play with cars' way, because I did that anyway, but in a deep-seated way where I felt wrong in myself. I remember talking to my parents when I was five or six and saying I should be a boy."
>That she's always been drawn towards the masculine finds a fruitful, vital outlet in her stage persona. "For me, transcending gender is the ultimate goal," she says. "For men and women, the gender roles we're assigned are incredibly limiting. Being a woman, expressing masculinity is an interesting thing to do. When on stage, I feel powerful. I feel like a woman and a man."
Kinda confirms suspicions I had. She hasn't identified as transgender, but damn, if that isn't a near admission.
i don't know any more /tlg/
i'm terrified of transitioning even after losing all this weight and trying to stick to the feminising diets and exercises and i still can't see the feminine in me, all this fucking dysphoria is killing me but i'm scared of being this ugly fucking comedically manly woman.
At the same time though i'm so uncomfortable with this fucking body i can't bring myself to start a relationship with anyone or even bring myself to even sexually pursue girls.
It just seems i should fucking just get on with it and die alone already.
Have some Lolis
i have been but the one i've been to has been pretty useless, all i got was hypotheticals like "if you had an option to perfectly transform yourself would you?" and yada yada, and then i ran out of cash.
and it's not even about going loli tier, i'm just posting that to cheer myself, it's more about being remotely close to even being womanly.
true, it's just also a bunch of things, especially having broad shoulders and being 6"4, maybye i'm just drunk and being a downer on new years
Well, guess I only feel comfortable around weirdos. A spinster friend showed up real late, got drunk real fast and had more hugs and kisses for me than i could have wished. Also, the tween daughter of one of the couples was funny enough. Thought I looked "really cool" and "like a viking". She also spent most of the evening running around the flat on all fours. Really quirky.
Also, please remind me of never getting into BDSM. I had to unfasten way too many zippers, hooks and buckles before going to sleep...
Not even close, still in closet and budget is really low. I guess I'll try to get into the gov gatekeeping program again this year knowing perfectly well I won't get through because I don't meet the criteria. At least then I can say I tried and mope with a good conscience
Idk it's extremely taxing to travel with 5 different public transport lines to wherever the fuck the NHS has moved this year, explain my shit to a layman shrink so they can write the referral to trans clinic. Then go waste time at the trans clinic just to get denied because I don't meet their arbitrary criteria.
The benefit I guess is that having official records of it might finally get the army off my ass so I don't have to do the military service, though last time they completely ignored the psychologists analysis saying that I'm not at all fit for service and just postponed my service.
Well, reviewed what's to come for 2016 and I guess what's in store would make anyone happy. SRS and ID change are secuely planned. New insurance may cover part of the SRS, and they'll improve on my upcoming disability pension. So, I'm set to go stealth and live more comfortably than 90% of French people, without working. Now if only I could get a younger body, a memory wipe and a firmware upgrade to fix the melancholic depression bug, I guess I'd be fully functional.
>Watching The L Word ten years late
>All it does it make me envious and depressed that the best status I can ever achieve is "transbian"
>Actually can't even do that, cause I'm technically bi
No matter what I do, I just can't shake this feeling of being a second-rate female. I anticipated it and accepted it would happen a long time ago, but it's still killing me.
I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep now.
Thanks for giving a heads up on a movie to avoid because that's basically my feel constantly and I don't need any more reinforcement. Dont mind if I join your long-distance ter-riddled sleepover.
>Now if only I could get a younger body, a memory wipe and a firmware upgrade to fix the melancholic depression bug, I guess I'd be fully functional.
They gave me the memory wipe, and it just fucked me up worse. My firmware was also downgraded to closer to normal. Damage was done during the electroshock.
A younger body would be nice. I wish I could just go back to when I turned 14 and start over with starting transition then. Snip the balls, and start estrogen. I'd likely be an artist, photographer, or hedge fund controller now. Yeah, I'd never have had the wild sex year as I wouldn't have as strongly needed the affirmation of my femininity. I may still have gotten hooked on heroin. I was mentally really fucked up at that point, and the reasons Gia hit on me would still have been there. I doubt C#1 would have asked me out. I'd have been visibly female by then so I maybe wouldn't have headed to Monaco that first time. At the beginning of that 16th summer, when she asked me out, I was dressing as a guy. Yeah, it would have changed things a lot. I likely wouldn't have had as many investors in the hedge fund later on as I wouldn't have had money coming in from some of the really rich guys I had as clients. Between two of them, they pumped over $15M a year into it. That alone increased my income each of those years by a good $140k and made purchasing the building possible when I was 17. Interesting to think about what may or may not have changed, but a bit depressing too.
hehe, no wonder I just asked for expenses + gifts instead of cash. Cash had to be reported, and 60% of it would vanish.
I gave away many paintings and art prints too. If I sold them there would be the commission to the gallery, plus 61% taxes on top of that. A $10k painting sale would have netted me less than $3k.
>tfw 244 this morning.
My tops are all baggy. I hate showing my belly. Boobs, I'd show them off if the belly wasn't there. They are filling out now. The bases are also getting more depth to them and even filling in some to the middle. I wish they would fill in to the top, but I know many cis girls who never did.
Honestly, that was deeply tongue in cheek. Sorry that it brought some of the bad back. Actually, I'm worried that I will have to accept getting shocks at some point in the next four years to get an uncontroversial report stating that all therapeutic ways have been exhausted and that my depression is a permanent state.
As for what I'd be now if I had had a real choice, most likely dead. Suicide, car crash or OD. Meeting Chiara and what happened afterwards was an extremely unlikely turn of events and it put a stop to my suicide attempts and sundry self-destructive behaviours. It pretty much collapsed the Schrodinger cat box my life was at the time. I had reached a point where everything was a blur. After the black out, and the panicky memory bonding I did (some of that was seriously questionable and... well, harrowing, physically and mentally.) , I found some clarity back at least.
There is a very high chance of memory loss with electroshock, and it isn't permanent. So if you can avoid it, do so. Many of the memories I've gotten back are full of obvious holes. I think Ketamine and similar would be much better. No damage to the brain, but they are also temporary.
>There is a very high chance of memory loss with electroshock, and it isn't permanent.
I should clarify. The positive depression reducing effects of electroshock are not permanent. The damage to the brain that causes memory loss is permanent or at the minimum very long lasting.
Cisles here, I'm meeting up with this girl tomorrow for coffee and she just sent me a message to tell me that she's trans. I like her so I'm excited to meet her tomorrow but I'm worried I'll say something shitty and fuck things up with her. I'm pretty inexperienced with dating in general.
Just treat her the same way you would treat anyone else really. That's about all the sage advice I've got for you.
Treat her like you'd treat any other girl. If she blows up over you crossing some line she never specified that's on her and trust me, you dont want to be with one of the crazies that expects everyone to be a mind reader.
Scent changes on HRT, interestingly enough. It probably varies some between people, but in my case what I've noticed is that my underarms don't get the same strong musky smell that they used to, and my pre-ejaculate doesn't smell like much of anything anymore. (Probably because I don't produce semen anymore, that probably was responsible for the smell.) Not that that should necessarily be a major deciding factor in whether to take HRT, but if you like the masculine smell of your body you need to be aware that you probably won't keep smelling the same as you do now if you go on HRT.
I'm probably gonna keep wearing baggy clothes but I also want to try getting a grungy kinda punk look going.
But I'm not going to do anything until I get my looks fixed up... which is a long road that I've only just begun...
Do you have a "type", /tlg/?
What is it?
For me it's fat chicks
You're damn right it is.
>whiny, bitchy, and entitled
>says 'fufufu' unironically
There you go. Enjoy.
I like flat chested girls too 'ya know. Just because I like chocolate ice cream doesn't mean I'd turn down vanilla if it was in front of me.
It's still ice cream. You're still qt.
My sister was there for dinner yesterday, hadn't seen her in a year. She's still bitter as hell about the botched surgery that left her barren and got her on a lifetime HRT script. She commented on how much I had changed and how I definitely looked the most womanly in the family now. There was more than a bit of jealousy in the way she said this. Not to mention how she chided me about wearing clothes I'd never dare to wear if I still had a "real job".
I guess she's right on that last point. Throwing all semblance of normalcy away earned me back freedoms only the young, the obscenely wealthy and artists are usually allowed.
Help me, /tlg/. I'm attracted to boys, I lock cock, but for some reason, lately, all I can think about is my fellow MtFs. I really want to meet someone like me. I want to be able to have a conversation and feel understood. I don't know
Nightmares season is open. 17 years today. Feels like yesterday. And I've been doing what I shouldn't do, thinking about what I did to remember. I often say that I wove my memories of her into the fabric of my own self, but that's a fucking euphemism. What I put myself through, well, let's just say I have a hard time telling memories of what really happened from memories of nightmares. I'd be serving a life sentence if I had done what I did to someone else than myself...
I've only pieced together bits of what you've gone through in reading your past posts, but even so it's clear you've gone through some terrible times in your life, beyond what I could understand really. I'm sorry that I can't do anything but wish that you have dreams of only good memories.
Do you ever feel like youre less trans for liking girls? I dont mean to inflame you all or suggest you are, but sometimes when Im introspecting it gets counted as a reason Im not trans and I dont know if thats the way it should be or wha.
Uh, no. I'm personally quite comfortable with it, but the agents of social sclerosis aren't. It was one of the reasons I was gatekept from the "official", insurance covered transition protocol, until 2009, though. And I'm not even really a lesbian, barely a political one. I'm asexual, definitely. I despise males enough to know I'll never be het, though, and that's something I can't hide. That was enough to bar me from transitioning within the lines. So, yeah, fuck those heteronormative reactionary assholes and don't let them get to your head, there's nothing wrong with hating guys and liking girls.
Not really, basically all of my feeling less girl feels are about poor passing and inexperience about being trans. Maybe it becomes an issue if I ever find a GF and she's super cute and I'm sort of hon-ish but the preference itself no.
Came out to my gf. Said she was totally OK with it, and also that she was asexual. Which explains why we had no sex in our 4.5-year relationship. Which also explains why she didn't really notice I was 6 months HRT.
No surprises, both parties satisfied. We cuddled for hours afterward so pretty good feel tbdesu.
Filled a few more boxes at my place this afternoon. I'll feel better when that house is sold. Lot of work ahead to get a good price, though...
Rifled through all the old pictures. I miss taking pictures, but film is way too expensive even with a home lab these days. And I can't justify splurging on a 6D until my body and face are fixed.
I don't remember if I've ever posted some of those pics here. I should do a proper scan of all the strips and dias I have and then safely mothball all of that.
I'm surprised that /tlg/ actually seems to have a higher quality of discussion, and less pointless talk about lesbian sex stuff/ less lesbian anime shitpost than /mtfg/.
In fact I'd say /mtfg/'s quality has been rapidly declining for several months now.
Is it okay for a straight trans girl to post here, just as long as I don't talk about boys?
I'm dating a t-lez girl... Which is extremely weird because I'm a t-lez as well.
I got stuck with the idea of her not being a "full woman" at first, but then I realized that was like not accepting myself... I gave the whole thing a chance and it was great, I can't express in words how happy I am right now.
Just wanted to tell you girls ;_;
ive got a couple of questions.. im still closet trans although i have long hi lighted hair, im 23 and really want to get on hormones in the uk what do i have to say to a doctor to get them and how long does it take to get them? also can i get refered by the walk in centre?
You have to undergo psychological therapy, then you have to get your psychologist's consent to ask an endocrynologist for hrt
I'm 23 too, I've been taking them for 5 months now... No regrets, the best decision I took in my life.
It's entirely reasonable. There are many couples that just love each other's presence, and sex isn't needed.
We're a much more relaxed group. Also a bunch of us are on the older side so maybe a bit more settled in out personalities and lives.
*hugs* Cool that you figured it out and it worked out for the two of you.
I'm beginning to think it sucks that I can't stand males and that I still have something of a moral compass. With all the guys treating me like a lady and trying to gain favor here, I could definitely profit. Both tempting and abhorrent. As for girls, Chiara's nagging me from the back of my head as soon as I look at one a bit too much. Just a mental projection, but I empowered it so much she can send me into a guilt trip at any time...
I don't know about her, but with very few exceptions most of the guys I've been with have tried to take advantage of me in some way or another. That combined with how 4 bullies treated me as I grew up I've got a major hangup about guys.
I really want a working Point Of View gun.
Well, there's a visceral side to it, senses wise, I'm very sensitive to smells, and male scents just offend me. Then, there's the political side. I'm convinced that patriarchal structures: private property, wage slavery, patriotism, organised religion and family are very much the root of everything that's wrong with our societies.
>tfw too insecure, anxious and depressed about how badly youre doing with transition to even come to /lgbt/ anymore
4months hrt today, shall i ever be a qt?
Your modern state is one of patriarchal oppression and all it deserves is being smashed. As for mansplaining cavemen like you calling feminists idiots, all it ever does is to prove we're right.
I'm also very sensitive to smells too, but mens smells attract me, and so do women's too. Thing is I'll see a guy I like, then remember what happened with others in the past, and become a frozen ice cube in a second. All emotion drains away. I do know I can have relationships with some men, but they all were on the feminine side. I wrote up a bit thinking about the few men I liked, and decided I couldn't post it. To many details on two of them. Seeing neither was/is out on being bi, I won't out them.
The patriarchal system of accumulate as much power and wealth as possible while stepping all over others is quite fucked up and causing lots of problems. I'm sorry that you can't see the problems with it.
Ugh, I get what you're talking about with the smell. I'm lucky to be too stuffed up to smell people most of the time, but the musky smell adult males produce is pretty disgusting. I'm glad that HRT has mostly stopped me from smelling like that, at least.
There are definitely many things wrong with all the things you mentioned (although I'm not sure if I know what they might be replaced). I'm not convinced that males or patriarchy are necessarily the cause of structural problems in society, in any case; I'm not certain that they aren't either, I just haven't done the necessary reading and thinking on the subject to know if, for example, matriarchal societies that have existed necessarily lack the bad aspects of the things you listed. I'm not saying that you are wrong or right, just that I'm honestly aware that I'm ignorant.
Most of my perfumes include a rather large dose of real civet absolute. It's not overpowering or even detectable by someone who's unfamiliar with it, but people react instinctively to it. It's a predator's scent, after all. And there's a lot to gather about the real personality of people who talk to you from their reactions to it.
I once made the most over the top perfume I could think of while keeping a somewhat pleasant smell, something I based off my memories of India. My own high-salicylate tuberose note (real absolute is too expensive for me...), civet, ylang, tagetes, cumin, frankincense, costus, and old synthetic musks that can't be used in commercial perfumery anymore. That one was a headhunter. A friend told me it positively smelled of sex.
You are evil ;) lol
I don't know what was all in some of the perfumes I used, but I have to avoid strong florals. Often they make me sneeze. Anyways, a few I used used I know included civet. They were all by a couple of different small perfumeries that made seductive scents for men who loved men or men who loved women, and were trying to seduce their partner. Remember this was pre HRT so I still had a mostly male hormonal system with a normal masculine scent. I used to place only a tiny bit on my neck and upper chest. The bulk I placed just below my breasts. They would combine nicely with the sweat from dancing, and get wafted up into our noses when we kissed. The top of the dress or blouse would hold it in until we came together, and then the embrace would push it out into our faces. This is why side boob is bad. It lets the scent escape to the side instead of being pushed out between the breasts and directed up to the noses.
> I once made the most over the top perfume I could think of while keeping a somewhat pleasant smell, something I based off my memories of India. My own high-salicylate tuberose note (real absolute is too expensive for me...), civet, ylang, tagetes, cumin, frankincense, costus, and old synthetic musks that can't be used in commercial perfumery anymore. That one was a headhunter. A friend told me it positively smelled of sex.
I couldn't help but be reminded of this:
To be honest, I don't wear civet to seduce. Only to assert my presence before I even have to speak. Matched with the right clothes and attitude, it does wonders to get dominant types to confusely yield without even starting their domination games. But yeah, got to agree with your assessment, I'm pure evil...
Oh, I know it works great to close in upon sub girls. But given I'm asexual, monogamous and in a committed relationship, I don't have much use for that. I'd rather use it in a way that enhances my natural presence and screams, "the badass is in!", yeah. Pity internet doesn't have an odorama protocol yet, I'd have sent you samples of the ones I wear the most.
Was sorting pics, and I stopped on that one, from about a year and a half ago. And, well, other than the fact that my boobs have pretty much stayed the same, I'm thinking my hair would look a lot better if it wasn't that thin and flat. I have a serious aversion towards 80s style, but I'm beginning to think a root lift would take my looks to another level altogether. Is that something I should try or a really bad idea?