/efg/: Erotic Fiction General

>>7264099
Yeah, if I had the bandwidth, I'd want to write this. I absolutely adore pretty boys getting the big D.

>>7264356
please it's too early for a circle jerk. Don't post off topic shit

I've got a cute request of extremely confused sexuality if anyone's interested.

It starts with a young (late teens-early 20s) gay NEET being slightly desperate to get pounded in the ass for the first time, but because >Tfw no BF, he ends up deciding to get his tomboyish futa best friend (who's had a crush on him for years) to do it, reasoning that it's not straight if you pretend it's not a girl's dick.
The sex starts out a bit limp with him just bending over and closing his eyes, but he starts to get into it as they keep going, riding her and even playing with her brests, and right at the moment of orgasm, he leans in and kisses her.
It ends with them cuddling and him deciding that he's maybe a little bi, but just for her

Reposing these requests!

A modern fantasy where dragons exist, and are fully intelligent. A condom industry exists for dragons who want to fuck others without filling them with cum, and generally those condoms are tested the way actual ones are. A few companies take a lewder approach. They pay dragons to fuck extremely tight fake vaginas, then give them huge orgasms with prostate stimulation. If a condom can survive that without breaking, it can survive anything.

It's no secret that the dragons who sign up for those jobs are huge perverts. The people who run the tests are too.


Every video game console has two versions. Inanimate ones which people of any age can buy, and living ones which are sold exclusively to adults. Living consoles are almost exclusively cute Shortstacks, and all of them are really good at sex.

A random adult buys a video game console. It gives him the best sex of his life.


Monstergirls exist, and 18-20 year old men look way more like 2D traps than they do in real life. Porn featuring both of them is extremely popular, because someone with any sexuality can enjoy it. Straight people watch the insanely hot women getting themselves off, gay people skip those parts and watch for when they show how hard the trap is cumming, and anyone close to bisexual is in heaven.

Even vanilla porn usually ends with the male almost passed out from having cum so much. In hardcore stuff it's not uncommon to for the guy to still be cumming after the girl is done with him.

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Repost.

Camazotz's lover
Tags: Male/Female, Monster/Female, Fantasy, Rough Sex, Endowment, Size Difference, Batmonster
http://pastebin.com/cf1KXsaU

>>7264382
protip: if nobody wanted to do them last time, odds are nobody will want to do them this time either. looks like you gotta do it yourself, doesn't it?

>>7264396
They were posted at the end of the thread during an argument, so I'm giving people time to see them.

>>7264304
Thanks for the plug! Fingers crossed someone is willing to write it.

>>7264498
Repost it here, just to improve the odds, eh?

>>7264372
That's actually really cute. I assume it's the futa best friend's first time, too? It just kinda sounds like that and it's extremely my fetish

This sounds like the kinda thing D. would be into, maybe try him when he comes around?

>>7264506
Good idea:

__________
I'd like to request a gay story, if anyone is willing to write one.
Specifically, I would like a fantasy story in which a young elf bard takes the D from the party's grizzled, veteran human fighter. The elf should be young, but not shota young.
The fighter is bi and hits on everyone. The elf bard doesn't know if he's into that sort of thing, but gets easily flustered every time the fighter hits on him.
One night after a successful adventure, the elf sees the fighter strike out with a bar wench and, after downing the rest of his drink, works up the courage to drag the fighter up to a private room.
He tries to take charge, but is too inexperienced to have the confidence to do so, leading to the fighter taking over. He starts gentle, but once the elf loosens up he goes at it much harder.
Also, I'd prefer it if the elf is the only one to take the D up the butt, but handjobs and fellatio are all fine.

If anyone likes writing about Traps, I have tons of requests for them. Cute ones! Ones with rape and femdom! The only thing I don't have is someone to write them.

>>7264560
>If anyone likes writing about Traps, I have tons of requests for them. Cute ones
Throw them up man, that's my thing
>Ones with rape and femdom!
Wait nevermind, no noncon, not ever. I'd rather throw you out of a helicopter, possibly on fire

>>7264573
What about consensual free use?

>>7264586
Yeah, that's good, just so's there isn't anything mindbreak or otherwise greasy shit about it. Just straight perversion in play.

>>7264590
In that case, here's a request.

A QT trap with incredible control over his ability to cum is a popular pornstar in Japan. He frequently does videos where he cums multiple times all over himself, and others where he orgasms after almost no stimulation. His most famous video is a reverse gangbang, where he finished three other people before cumming. The .gifs of his desperately clenching ass and leaking cock from that scene still go around the internet. He does have a huge weakness for other Traps though.

At some point, he does a scene like that "Withstand JV Pornstar's techniques for 5 minutes and have raw sex with her!" one. Except the goal is to make him cum, and he'll do whatever you want if you succeed.

Some other cute Trap makes him cum in seconds. Then he tells him to make his dick as sensitive as possible, and they both have crazy sex.

Really, I'd just like to see cute 18-20 year old guys with feminine bodies have sex.

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>>7264372
>>7264512

Well, I've got a commission I'm working on right now, and... to be honest, despite how enthusiastic I clearly am about futa... I'm not really into futa-on-male stuff.

I might be able to muscle through and write this, but every time I try that, it stalls. For now, I'm going to decline.

>>7264686
>to be honest, despite how enthusiastic I clearly am about futa... I'm not really into futa-on-male stuff.
Ah, didn't know that, never mind then m8.
>>7264372
Good luck, hope somebody else around here's willing to pick it up

This thread gets gayer with every new iteration.

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>>7264912
Anon you must be confused, there's nothing gay going on in this thread.

>>7264912
Where do you think you are?

>>7264925
I seriously hope there's some m/m catboy stuff coming from you, soon-ish

>>7264990
I got some Runt art in the works.

>>7264925

>Link got appropiated by litteral faggots.

Feels sad man.

>>7264998
>I got some Runt art in the works.
Oh shit, that's great.
And speaking of runt, I'm day-drunk on account of discount imitation sherry, and I've got a good idea, maybe for a quick all-lewd dip back into the borleanverse in between snek IV and the continuation of Grave goods.
Basically it's scarface femdomming runt and Schaffer at the same time in a extremely lewd bisexual threesome
like
>scarface sitting on both of their faces at the same time for sweet double oral
>scarface spanking Schaffer to make him ride runt harder while she watches
>teasing them during double vaginal, getting them to cum at exactly the same time
>taking advantage of clawless human hands for fingering play that would be otherwise impossible for borleans
And seperately but kinda related
>scarface taking schaffer and a couple extra blankets fishing so he can keep her busy with oral while she waits for a bite

Only had time to do 1000 words today, IRL got in the way.
Might as well repost the last update since the thread 404'd though.

4000 word update, new content at “You said that whatever did this took food?”

Snek 4:
http://pastebin.com/ZDNwTwtn
>no new tags

>>7265066
Those are good ideas, I did say I'd try to get some shorter stories in when I had time.

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Hey y'all!

This is a couple of months later than I had hoped, but I've finally made some proper progress. Chapter 12 is on the shorter side by my standards, and pretty story heavy, so it seemed a little unfair to post it by itself after such a long break. Chapter 13 on the other hand is the longest yet, and pretty much just a solid string of sex scenes. Both still need editing work, chapter 13 in particular, but I figured I might as well quit stalling and finally release them.

Chapter 12:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BVlHY4pbHrNHUm4-iBqOa62WnfQm_VSIDGMvK9U8k-0/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 13:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DU741xVL6NJzcv_6JhgQ9T7-dDY9rwtV3aDw6D-c_Fs/edit?usp=sharing

Neither of these chapters make a great jumping-in-point, so if the picture makes you curious I'd recommend chapter 1:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VK9bYtAGIHbCfpnzSkBLghzO5fH2-BodWhX6cv-IZiU/edit?usp=sharing

I've also received a really awesome piece of fanart from a lovely artist called Gyre. Hope you enjoy!

>>7265252
Tags?

From the picture, I'm assuming incest?

>>7265258

Sorry, and you are correct. Mother/Daughter, Sister/Sister, Futanari, excessive cum, stomach bulge, cumflation, loli(ish), very light BDSM

>>7265259
Could you tell me when the sister stuff starts chapter-wise? I'm into that but not at all into parent incest

>>7264990
<m/m catboy stuff

For great justice

>>7265296
>m/m catboy stuff*

oops, wrong meme arrow

>>7265286
You'll want chapter 2, 4, 6, 7 and 9. 10 and on are mostly all three of them.

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are there any good stories featuring cute cowgirls?

>>7265259
well, there goes my weekend

Speaking of incest, if any of the writers here know Battletech from over in /tg/, I've got a request

>>7265307
No. There aren't even any bad stories that I know of.

>>7265307

There was some forum I was on a few days ago that was linked in one of these threads that had a Sci-Fi story where a space diplomat from a rich family was captured by a futa pilot cyborg and turned into a woman. Towards the end he, now she, is turned into a cowgirl.

It was just a two chapter 11k word story but it was great.

Does it ring any bells for anybody? The forum was white and blue if I remember correctly. No idea on the name.

>>7265412
>The forum was white and blue if I remember correctly. No idea on the name.
That's probably literotica

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>>7265412
>a Sci-Fi story where a space diplomat from a rich family was captured

>by a futa pilot cyborg and turned into a woman.

>>7265416
negative. It only had 230 or so stories on it and focused on transformation fiction

Seriously though if someone thinks of it I wouldn't mind going back.

>>7265426
lmao it was wacky, but I like wacky

>>7260822

For the love of God!

There needs to be more couples like these two!

Bonus if they can procreate, too

>>7265455
Oh I got some art of Liz if you liked her:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-apart-and-7991742

Anyone else here read Slutwriter's stuff?

Specifically his "Hung Shota" setting.

>>7265458

HUUUUUNGH....So cute.

This will sate me...for now.

Need more fap fics though. Sooner than later hopefully.

>>7265455
good news is, if you want more liz, a guy around here is working on a story set during her time on borleas
Bad news, there (hopefully) isn't going to be any sex until the end because of the premise

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Very well then, we'll do this the hard way.

http://pastebin.com/4BQRMABk
Tags: incest (mother/son), big dick, slight inflation, lots of cum

First draft, so it's not very long. I'm looking to fill it out some. Please have a read and let me know what you think.

Pic unrelated.

>>7265476

Meh. Part of the fun for me is putting monster girls or whatever in their place as mothers, either willingly or unwillingly.

Though lately, I wouldn't mind mixing it up with some gentle femdom I suppose.

>>7265498
I'm really not entirely sure what to say here, as I'm not sure what you're looking for. The rapidity and of the scene's onset and the boy's inactivity make it essentially impossible for this to be anything but a quick one-and-done.

While this wasn't exactly my thing (nor did your tags really describe what happened), you're not bad at description. You evoke multiple senses and build the action well. The issue is that there's nothing here. I'm not sure of any character details (outside of enormous dick), have no idea when or where this is set, or where you would possibly go from here. If all you're shooting for is smut, keep doing what you're doing. Practice makes perfect. If you intend on ever having anything to do with an actual story, you're going to have a lot of work to do.

>>7265566
Yeah, that's why I said it was a first draft. Wanted to get the smut nailed down first and then fill the rest in afterwards.

Where would you suggest I start with filling things in? Also, what did I miss with the tags?

>>7265458
out of curiosity, where can i read grave goods? don't see it on your pastebin list

>>7265220
>paragraph 448: pushing it with my should
>shoulder

>>7265455
Try this one, Cynical does a good job with the relationship building:

https://fourleaffics.miraheze.org/wiki/Love_Coils

Tags: [Gentle Femdom, Role Reversal, Light Yandere, Sappy/Romantic, Monster Girl, Lamia/Snake girl

>>7265580
Ah, that's because it's not finished yet. I'll be resuming updates after Snek 4. There's a good 20,000 words done so far though:

http://pastebin.com/PvhfYmN4

Tags:
>robot girls, traps, elves, massage, BJ

>>7265584
Thanks for the catch!

>>7265572
Tags should generally include everything that a reader may wish to search for or may wish to avoid. I would argue very strongly that smegma eating falls under this category.

I'm not entirely sure I would suggest starting with the smut, but if it works for you, that's fine. The biggest problem with any story like this is explaining how the hell we got here. When you have extreme or unrealistic fetishes, it's up to you to make the course of events make sense. I'm the last one to criticize people for ridiculous scenes, but you have to set the stage so that the story makes sense. Why is his mother obsessed with him? A ridiculously huge penis is not enough to make the premise realistic. Speaking of, how and why does he have a 3' dick in the first place?

Even when the story is founded on the impossible, it's necessary to bridge the gap between your world and the reader's. Part of this is making sure that your characters and their interactions are sympathetic. I find that this tends to be the biggest failing point for fantastical smut. Your characters shouldn't seem as if they know they're in a smut story. You need to define what brought them here.

>>7265605
Ah, I see what your problem is. This is supposed to be an expanded-universe sort of story, related to something else that it seems nobody else here has read, annoyingly.

I'm >>7265468 if that helps.

>>7265611
That would probably also be something worth tagging. Your reader probably shouldn't have to guess as to what the hell is going on.

>>7265616
True, that. Slipped my mind, have to remember that for in the future.

How was the actual smut, by the way? Was it too brief?

>>7265622
It depends on what you're trying to do. I personally prefer longer scenes, but it depends on how smut-heavy you're making the story and how often the smut happens. If you're worried about length, I question your use of a fade-to-black at the end there. If anything, I think you could have expanded on the part where she was masturbating while touching him.

This is for the guy from the last thread.

>Requesting forced orgasm with a Shortstack.

>No serious plot required. The premise would be a Shortstack with an abnormally great pussy and a dominant kink fucking a random guy who comes onto her. He has no idea what he's getting into.

My prose skills have died after years of inactivity and then only writing short film scripts so this is just being written as a script for a pornographic film.
I would have had it finished by now but I've been distracted over the past two days by a non-/d/ (but still pornographic) project I did.

I'm hoping that by using the script as a second draft/outline, I should be able to actually write it up in prose for you.

>Erick and the Goblin
https://www.docdroid.net/4vUtIHo/script-erick-and-the-goblin2.pdf.html
>Femdom, Shortstack, forced cunnilingus.
Can I get some feedback on my world-building and character-building? It feels like I'm not emphasising the Goblin's position as a dominant woman who likes subduing manly men enough.

Anyone have any futa-on-female recommendations, with the story told from the female's perspective? It's almost exclusively from the futa's and that feels just like a male-on-female story most of the time.

>>7265721
Do you have any preferences for setting/length/other kinks?

>>7265729
As long as it isn't shorter than 5k words, not really. I like the futa being the more dominant partner, but aren't they always?
No scat/guro, that's never really a problem on here, though.

Do a majority of stories in this thread take place in a premade setting like Warhammer, or do they take place in a world of the author's creation? I'm thinking about writing something based of my own RPG world, but I don't know if it would be kosher here.

>>7265810

It seems pretty evenly mixed. Completely original content is absolutely kosher.

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>>7265751

This might be of interest! The MC will eventually turn into a futa, but that's a couple of chapters in.

Earning a Name:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Q6FO68CWpqMBET0pjHh0HY_WxwUTDvYVahSYe9ziQzw/edit?usp=sharing

Tags: futa, female perspective, amazon, huge cocks, hyper proportions, high libido, stomach bulge, cumflation, (eventual) futa transformation

Pic related

>>7265815
Alright, cool. I might be able to write something up as an introduction. It'll be based on some of my OCs/NPCs of the setting.

>>7265835
Can't say I like gender transformation but for now this seems fun. Thanks.
I never really get who tf stories are for or what their appeal is.

>>7265671
>Dominant Goblin
Hahahahahahahah
At least to me goblins are cowards with at most thin veneers of confidence while they have almost godlike perceptions of themselves that shatters at the first sign of something stronger. But hey, that's just me and my view of a fantasy race

>>7265854

Sometimes it's simply trans wish fulfillment, but I think there are a lot of elements that can make it fun. In this case it's just one facet of a larger hypersexualisation process. It's less "oh shit, I'm a boy/girl/futa now!" and more "oh my god, blowjobs feel so fucking good". It adds options for sex, and raises the limit of how much pleasure the character can feel at once.

>Have a fetish that I'd like to see played out.
>Try for weeks to commission it, no one is interested.
>Try writing it for myself, and it's not fun to read.
>Post it as a request, and no one takes it.
>Nevermind. Going to watch some porn.
>Keep thinking about that idea.
>Okay, VR porn then.
>STILL THINKING ABOUT THAT IDEA CONSTANTLY.

What the fuck can I do? I literally can't pay someone to write this thing! It's not even something banned or really extreme!

>>7265902
You really should've just put what it was in you post just in case someone different is here who WILL do it.

Also did you put in https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nyDKegfYhIvlv7ZvGoxswIVkiG5lw1lrOeDFvZbw_WU/edit?pli=1

>>7265900
I guess I think more along the lines that the part before the transformation is for people that like futa/f and after it's for those that like futa/futa so you have to like both and like transformations to enjoy most of it.
I don't mind transformations that happen long before the story but during it just really turns me off for some reason.

>>7265902
Post what you wrote; ask for feedback on how to improve it.

>>7265908

I kind of get that. I sometimes worry I pack too many fetishes into my works, making it so specific that it doesn't fully appeal to anyone. And I also find it weird when a story is ostensibly about a super specific fetish like monster transformation or vore, but like half the chapters are the most unrelated vanilla shit.

On the other hand, I find that people are usually a lot more flexible in their kinks than they realise. If something is written well and with care it will usually be tolerable even to people who aren't usually into it, and you can always put up content warnings for the weirdest bits.

>>7265922
Isn't this a stroke story, though? Tolerable doesn't really work for that, imo. I'll read it fully later, but at a glance, at least so far, this seems like what I'm looking for(minus the later chapters, obviously).

>>7264296
Shit, I never knew I needed catboys so much in my life until now. Any recommendations?

>>7265947
Don't be shy to tell me what you think, honest feedback is always greatly appreciated.

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An ordinary guy and girl have sex like usual, except this time as he orgasms his dick grows spines like a cat's dick, and his cum inside her makes her sprout cat ears and tail. He is overwhelmed with confusion and guilt, but she actually likes being a catgirl and makes him feel better by comforting him and playing a cat for him. (Also his dick spines are not actually hard or sharp enough to hurt.)

They may or may not be back to normal after they sleep (your choice).

Has anything been written in the second person about sucking off and fucking a Trap?

>Licking him through his underwear.
>Feeling up his ass.
>Pulling on his thong, and rubbing his dick all over your face.

>>7265952
Just give up dude. Admit you're probably gonna have to actually pay to have your idea written or do it yourself

Requesting something about a femboy prostitute who is almost emotionless during sex until someone shows him prostate stimulation. I'll give more detail if anyone is interested.

>>7265951
Well, unsurprisingly I enjoyed it a lot. I think you went a little too overboard with the sizes too quickly. I like the huge, but still somehow fitting dicks, but maybe don't do multiple size increases in one scene.
Might have been more fun if she's introduced to those over several encounters. Hope Sarah doesn't transform anytime soon so I can read more of this.

>>7266054
Thank you, and I appreciate the advice! Not entirely sure what you mean by multiple size increases, Cira is the only one who ends the scene at Seal 2, but then again that is already pretty ridiculously huge.

I thought it best to escalate things pretty hard in the first chapter to give people a better idea of the themes I'm going for, but it'll be quite a while before dick sizes start to get truly crazy.

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>that feeling when you think you should make a request to possibly encourage someone to try out writing but anything you can think of is just stuff you'd write for yourself

>>7266101
Eh, it's one dick from nothing to huge. And one from huge to humongous.
You want bigger than two feet? At least that still fits, kind of, if you ignore organs and ribs. Bigger than that and you can't really do anything with it anymore.
I know there are people that like that kinda stuff but to me as soon as it would have to come out the other side, or not fit at all, it's no longer hot.

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Someone on the Affect3D boards told me he really liked my G4E fanfiction. That made me want to make a way that I could link to the rest of my work all at once.

I made another unlisted Pastebin with everything in it. I'm not sure how else to do this. If someone has a suggestion as how I should organize this, let me know.

The Total Package: A Compendium of D's Erotica and Smut
http://pastebin.com/zp36qvB8

>>7265952
DUDE. I'm busy. No one else so much as sniffed at it. And I've done TWO for you already. Give it a rest.

If I see this request again, I'm going to stop working on my commission for a day and fill your request in the stupidest way possible. It'll make Come to a Head look like Metamorphosis and EL James look like EL Fudge.

So please... give this one a rest for a while.

>>7266135
Make it anyway, if nothing else it'll give you an idea of someone else's take on that premise.

>>7266205
Don't tempt him. I kinda want to see that now.

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Anyone who likes Monstergirls, please write about an Anon dating Polt.

>>7266254
>Anon
self-insert stories are garbage

Reposting since I had the misfortune of posting it way too late in last thread.

I know I shouldn't have started yet another story, but I can't help when the inspiration strikes me. I've been stewing on this idea for a sci-fi story for a while, and I've finally managed to put some of it to paper.

It's a story about a mechanic in a far-flung future who winds up stranded in a wasteland in the care of a tribe of mostly-female cyborgs. Though when I say cyborgs, I don't mean clean prosthetic limbs. I mean, more machine than human, and the mechanical part is unlikely to be humanoid.

The Repairman
Tags: Monstergirl, no sex (yet)
http://pastebin.com/tfMEDPVb

Not much going on so far though, just introductions and worldbuilding.

>>7266282
I think they can be pretty fun. Why do I want to read about some other random guy having crazy sex with Polt?

Also quick status updates on my other stories in case anyone actually cares.

>Orc request
I'm making headway on the Orcs story at last. The inspiration has struck I just need to find time to actually finish it. I'm planning on hitting most of the scenes requested, but I don't think I'm going to be able to include a rimming scene. I'm just not really feeling it, and while I could crank out a few paragraphs to check the box, I feel it would be better left out if there's no passion behind it. I hope that's acceptable

>Iron Oxide
Part 2 is making progress in fits and starts. All I've got so far is just disconnected half-finished scenes. I need to find a way to connect them together. I'm also having trouble figuring out an overall story arc for this part. Also, just as a warning, there's probably going to be some light bloodplay at some point, so hopefully nobody objects too strongly to that.

>Everything else
Everything else is on hold, for now, although I've got another half-finished Kancolle fanfiction that I'll probably wrap up at some point if I get truly stuck on Iron Oxide.(Specifically a yuri/GTS story with a submissive giantess).

>>7265952
At this point you might have to write it yourself. If you already know what you want, who better to capture it than you?

>>7266290
Because that person has character? And stories should have characters, not just boring blank slates. Self-insert stories are one of lowest forms of writing

Requesting writing about a service for guys who aren't sure if they're gay or not. If they fill out a form, a femboy is sent to their house. They'll do whatever you want for the night, including fucking. Of course, the men who sign up for that job are all perverts. So from the second you open the door, they'll be teasing you and trying to turn you on.

>>7266205
If no regulars are interested then it's for any new or returning writers who might stop by. I'm sorry I didn't notice if we became this exclusive club only allowing the same group of writers forever.

>>7266308
You post it every single fucking thread. Stop

>>7266303
Most protagonists in Monstergirl stories are really bland, and they don't add much to it at all. Generally non self-insert writing goes one of these three ways:

>Wheee, I'm getting fucked by a girl!

>Oh no! For a contrived reason, I don't want to get fucked by this girl. But now that she's raping me I enjoy it.

>I'm super edgy and I want to kill Monstergirls!

There are exceptions to this rule, but they're mostly really long and well written novels with more plot than porn. Some of them don't have any sex at all, and are still incredible. I'm not looking for an epic saga, just something quick and enjoyable.

Good self insert writing is really difficult to write, and it doesn't feature a blank slate at all. It barely describes one of the central figures at all. The focus is entirely on the girl, and a ton of detail is put into describing her personality and actions. The person reading can imagine reacting to her in pretty much any way the writing allows, which is challenging to do correctly. If you do succeed at writing it well, you have something a ton of people can have a personal connection with. Some of the official MGE material is that kind of self-insert. It's pretty awesome.

>>7266337
or they could have actual character like Snek's or Cynical's stories

>>7266338
>actual character
>like Snek's

>>7266338
What Snek and Cynical write falls into the category of "Really long and well written novel." I can't ask someone to write that without commissioning them. Also, Snek 1 and 2 have a basically blank slate protagonist male.

>>7264372
I hope to god someone writes this.

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>>7266212
It's either my way or the highway when it comes to stuff I'm interested in. I'd have to make up a prompt I don't give too much of a fuck about. Something like pic related might be an interesting read: the quest of an orc lady just trying to get some foreign D because she can't stand the men of her race.

>>7266338
You mean Snek's unnamed, non-detailed and totally ambiguous male characters.....

If you're going to try and make a point by using a good writer's character as an example then at least use one that makes sense....or has a name.

I'm not dissing Snek btw, I love their work.

>>7265586

Meh. Lamias and whatnot aren't really my thing. I'm more into humanoids.

Otherwise, there's no good opportunity for the girl to wrap her legs around the male character while they fuck passionately. That and when the male does a mating press, there are no legs sticking up in the air (which is pretty hot imho)

>>7266415
In the story, the Lamia wraps her snake end around the guy as they fuck

>>7265395
that sucks

>>7266409
Snek is actually a great example of how writing can allow for self-inserts and still be incredible.

>>7266418
>incredible
Don't suck his dick too hard. His stories are good, but far from incredible

>>7266418
>50 thousand words of bland, forced exposition
>incredible

>>7266337
>Good self insert writing is really difficult to write, and it doesn't feature a blank slate at all. It barely describes one of the central figures at all.

Which is why in practice it's not really all that enjoyable to read. It takes two to tango, so to speak, and turning one of the people involved into nothing more than an organic dildo doesn't really encourage the reader to imagine their reactions in any meaningful form. Worse, such a self-insert would be so blank of a slate that there would be nothing to connect to.

>>7266418
Stylistically and in terms of detail, yes. But the lack of personality and feeling he's just a stand-in for the reader is still noticeable and detracts from the quality as a whole.

I find that for self-insert stories, it's better to dispense with the plot entirely and focus everything on the smut.

>>7266426
>Turning one of the people involved into nothing more than an organic dildo doesn't really encourage the reader to imagine their reactions in any meaningful form.

If you're turning someone into a dildo then you're not writing good self-insert fiction. Great self-insert writing actually does encourage the reader to use their imagination. A weird example, but the games Sunless Sea and A House Of Many Doors are two extremely well written games that use that style almost exclusively. Aside from picking your appearance (Only in A House of Many Doors) and some small details about your backstory, you're a blank slate. By leaving the idea of who you are almost entirely blank, they spend huge amounts of time focusing on everything else. Huge backstories for every minor person you bump into! Descriptions of cities that sprawl further than the streets, which are occasionally paved with blood! Aside from a few speech options, it's up to you to imagine how you react to all of it.

>But the lack of personality and feeling he's just a stand-in for the reader is still noticeable and detracts from the quality as a whole.

That's a pretty subjective thing to say. There isn't a consensus that writing to allow the reader to self-insert detracts from quality. Some people actually enjoy it.

>>7266435
What works for a game does not work for a story: the key factor is that you are actually interacting with the world somehow, not just being told what someone is doing to you without the slightest show of emotion on your part beyond the physiological show of arousal.

I also note that you still get to define the slate within the games you list as well- fics don't even let you do that. In my mind's eye, self-inserts in fics appear as stick figures- fitting, since completely generic and featureless in every conceivable manner.

>That's a pretty subjective thing to say. There isn't a consensus that writing to allow the reader to self-insert detracts from quality. Some people actually enjoy it.

Just because people enjoy it doesn't make it good. I can enjoy it, but I do so specifically because I'm replacing the blank slate with myself as part of an assisted sexual fantasy.

As an actual work of fiction on the other hand, it's a complete joke. While /efg/ may be an exception to the rule, the majority of readers and writers here want their characters to be people, not placeholders. Self-inserts simply have no place in stories with real plot- even Snek removed many if not all of the self-insert aspects of his male MC over the course of Snek 3 and 4.

>>7266409
I think we can safely say that Snek is a "he", unless you are suggesting the existence of a woman who writes porn on 4chan, is almost exclusively into femdom, and doesn't advertise her gender or correct people who refer to her as a man.

That being said, it is kidna interesting to consider that Snek might not even be a person, but a collection of people cooperating in order to shit out tens of thousands of words a day. Maybe he's actually a computer trying to scrape together the entirety of online smut and learn how to write original fiction. I kinda like that interpretation.

>>7266461

>I think we can safely say that Snek is a "he", unless you are suggesting the existence of a woman who writes porn on 4chan, is almost exclusively into femdom, and doesn't advertise her gender or correct people who refer to her as a man.

see what I mean? it's the perfect deniability

>>7266449
>What works for a game does not work for a story: the key factor is that you are actually interacting with the world somehow, not just being told what someone is doing to you without the slightest show of emotion on your part beyond the physiological show of arousal.

There's the problem! If you're writing a self-insert correctly, it shouldn't look like you're "Just being told what someone is doing to you, without the slightest show of emotion on your part." What it should be is a template on which the reader can project their own emotions, which doesn't automatically mean an emotionless and boring protagonist. Basically it should encourage someone to use their imagination, not present a boring, reactionless husk and say "This is you."

I would also say that the line between A House of Many Doors and something like a fantasy novel is extremely thin. If you take away the small and entirely optional combat, it's like a huge Choose Your Own Adventure book. In many cases, your options pretty much boil down to "Just being told what someone is doing to you, without the slightest show of emotion on your part beyond the physiological show of arousal." Granted, it's usually violent arousal. That still counts though.

What do you count as "Self-insert fiction?"

>In my mind's eye, self-inserts in fics appear as stick figures- fitting, since completely generic and featureless in every conceivable manner.

I'm not trying to be rude, but I think that's more your problem than the fiction's problem. How would a stick figure even work in the context of a sex fantasy? Depending on the situation, I think of either myself or a version of myself somehow suited to the setting. I really love roleplaying, though.

>>7266449
>Just because people enjoy it doesn't make it good. I can enjoy it, but I do so specifically because I'm replacing the blank slate with myself as part of an assisted sexual fantasy.

>As an actual work of fiction on the other hand, it's a complete joke. While /efg/ may be an exception to the rule, the majority of readers and writers here want their characters to be people, not placeholders.

By the same logic, something isn't bad just because people don't like it. Considering I was asking for a sexual fantasy, what's the problem with my request? This whole thing started because you said it was garbage and followed up by calling self-insert stuff the lowest form of writing. Yeah, some writers don't like that. But a ton of them throughout 4chan do. Are you trying to speak for all the writers in /efg/? Or do you hate self-insert stuff so much you had to comment?

>>7266574
>What do you count as "Self-insert fiction?"

I think this may be the crux of our viewpoint differences.

In my perspective, it's where the protagonist is a nonentity specifically to fill in for the reader (and/or author, as is the case of most of what you can see of the genre in FF.net, among other places.) with the basic intention of illustrating a fantasy of some kind; possibly sexual, but could be something else. Not much of an actual narrative to the ones I've seen, they're more a catalog of sex acts than anything else. If you know of any counterexamples, tell me- I've yet to find one.

>It should encourage someone to use their imagination, not present a boring, reactionless husk and say "This is you."

In all seriousness, what's the difference between that and a "template on which the reader can project their own emotions"? It can't show its own reactions by definition, because that defeats the purpose of making it a self-inert in the first place. While I get the thing about roleplaying, you need a role to play first, if that makes sense.

>>7266582
I wasn't that guy at all. It is, however, a very commonly espoused view on this particular thread. It's been brought up before in the past, and answered in the same ways, and I'm sure the same responses will be given the next time it's asked.

At any rate, the request wasn't bad in itself but it's not the type of story our usual gang of writefags tends to make. Who the hell is "Anon" other than a totally generic dude, why is he dating Polt, what does she see in him, etc.- answer those, and you might have more luck.

But even then it's not a guarantee, since nearly all requests are ignored or forgotten. It's nothing personal, there's just too many requests and never enough writefags to handle them all.

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>>7266346
>Steel Hands Moralez
>Dennis the conquer of space secretaries
>the Paladin from the Orc fic
>Becky
>the sleazeball from the Crashland story

>not characters

k lol

>>7266611
>not being to name two of the characters at all

speak for yourself

>>7266617
I've not read them recently.

>>7266611
That's the thing though. Your descriptions are the limits of their characters, they very rarely go beyond those utterly simplistic characterisations except to artificially spout exposition at the reader. They're caricatures, not characters.
>I am a Borealan, I have humanoid characteristics, but also those of your Earth feline creatures. I'm a walking trope with no dimension. Would you like to know more?
>Hmm, interesting. Yes, I would like to know more, because when I disappear from the confines of this narrative, I go back to staring blankly at a featureless wall for 16 hours a day.

>>7266607
>I think this may be the crux of our viewpoint differences.

I think that's true. Generally when I think of self-insert stuff, it's an excuse to roleplay or worldbuild. A House Of Many Doors being a great example, because there are a lot of blanks in your backstory and actions to fill in however you want. What exactly was the look on your face when X happened? Was that dialogue said as a sarcastic quip, or was it an insult? Some quests can be self-insert, when the protagonist is basically just a way for the writer to act out what the thread says. If they have any personality, it's one that is created by happenstance. I also think Choose Your Own Adventure images qualify, since they usually include some justification as to why you're suddenly building a suit of power armor or something.

I think sexual stuff is a tiny part of that category, which is why it annoyed me that someone said self-insert was the lowest form of writing. People can do WAY worse than the stuff that Failbetter writes.

>Not much of an actual narrative to the ones I've seen, they're more a catalog of sex acts than anything else. If you know of any counterexamples, tell me- I've yet to find one.

There's a huge collection of them about Undyne on /trash/. They follow a coherent story and most of them aren't sexual.

>In all seriousness, what's the difference between that and a "template on which the reader can project their own emotions"?

Now that I think about it, this is just a difference in how we define self-insert. The example I would give is this: http://img.4plebs.org/boards/tg/image/1451/68/1451680784658.jpg It encourages you to think about how you'd react in that situation. It's also sexual, even if it's really different from what most people would think of when someone says "Write about Anon going on a date."

>>7266297

OR of the orc fic, it's ok if you don't do the rimming, I understand completely

take your time on it, but if you can, can you post an update if possible or do you want to wait until the whole thing is finished?

>I wasn't that guy at all. It is, however, a very commonly espoused view on this particular thread. It's been brought up before in the past, and answered in the same ways, and I'm sure the same responses will be given the next time it's asked.

I've been posting in this threads since they were on /tg/ and I haven't seen any widespread hate for >You stuff. I'm sure you're right though. Someone completely seperate from you is really pissed about it. I'm sorry I confused you with that guy.

>It's nothing personal, there's just too many requests and never enough writefags to handle them all.

I won't take it personally if nobody bites. I already have four requests in here that nobody has responded to! It's great that we could talk civilly about this.

to move discussion along

what all games have you played recently?

I've completed my first narrative-based telltale game, Minecraft story mode, I honestly liked what I played but don't know where to go next, should I just wait for the Guardians of the Galaxy one this year?

Also playing Digimon World Next Order, unfortunatly one of my Partners became a Platinum Numemon because I didn't hit the requirements for any of the Megas, the other reincarnated and is Now a Gaogamon

>>7266313
How about that? For the next thread, let the whole thing pass by without posting it, and then post it in the following thread and see if anyone is interested then.

>>7266667
Ah, the CYOAs. I've seen those, and those are fine even if they're not exactly what I think of when I hear "story". To me, a story is more of a coherent plot set up in advance with beginning, middle, and end, with everything moving towards an unchangeable conclusion.

What you're describing is more like the seed of a setting and a handful of choices that you can use to develop a story from there. It's good for plot seeds and hypotheticals, but by its own nature it'll be different for everyone since it includes the reader directly. I never saw any template being involved- they directly engage the reader instead. While it's fine in its own right, it's not what most people here prefer to do. I think it may have its own thread elsewhere, though.

By contrast in more conventional fiction, self-inserts are just dropped into the predefined narrative (sometimes literally so, as in some of those fanfics which can be summed up as "person-who-isn't-the-author-we-swear suddenly gets transported to (setting name here), hilarity ensues"). Hence the hate- it's a telltale sign of an amateur in that context.

>There's a huge collection of them about Undyne on /trash/. They follow a coherent story and most of them aren't sexual.

I don't really know or care much about Undertale or its characters, so I'll take your word for it.

>>7266684
Age of Empires 2: HD Edition for me. Right now anyway, I tend to jump from one thing to another on a whim.

I've never tried any of the Telltale games; so I can't really give you recommendations there.

>>7266684
As much as I like vidya this isn't the place to discuss them, but for Telltale games, TWD S1 is fine and so is The Wolf Among Us. TWD S1 is more memorable to me, but TWAU is more interesting initially and I think there was probably more passion behind it because Fables is a 'literally who' compared to the rest of the licenses they've worked with. JP is outright ass, TWD S2 is a mixed bag, GoT is smothered by its own setting because—jokes about Telltale choices not mattering aside—you know nothing you do fucking matters in the grand scheme of that universe, compared to TWD where it can have a narrative comfortably divorced from the comics or the show because there can be groups of survivors anywhere with their own stories. In GoT you're obligated to interact with major characters from the canon franchise because the driving force of ASoIaF/GoT is a web of interconnected power plays and political bullshittery, but none of the work you do in the game with those characters will ever be reflected in the books or show.

On a more thread appropriate topic, I read this a couple weeks ago and thought it was worth sharing: http://www.neilgaiman.com/Cool_Stuff/Essays/Essays_By_Neil/Where_do_you_get_your_ideas%3F

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>>7266684
More Warframe than is psychologically healthy.

>>7266684
Rome: Total War

>>7266732
Ah, you been watching MATN too? Great way to finish your afternoon off.

>>7266725
Interesting way he looks at it. For me, it usually begins with a single scene that sticks in my head (which is usually the smut), and then from there I try to figure out how the characters involved got to where they are and why, at which point I then try to get into the nitty-gritty of who they are as well. It all builds on itself from that one scene.

>>7266737
Yes, actually.
That, and these vids by a New Zealand guy who hunts wild pigs with dogs and a knife.

>>7266726
Hell yeah Warframe!

>>7266679
I'll see if I can post an update by mid-week, so you can see if it's progressing to your liking.

I suppose I'd better get moving and finish it since going purely by view count it is my second most-popular story, after all.

>>7266769

what are your most popular stories then?

do you already have an ending planned?

If not can it be something like the orcs spotting another human, and start undoing their pants and getting read to moon him, as a "here we go again" sort of thing only this time they're hoping to get banged? Its ok if you have something else planned

>>7266781
I do have an ending planned. It wasn't that one, but I'll consider it, depending on how it ends up flowing.

My most popular in terms of views are

1. XXS/XXL - My hyper/GTS futa story coming in first with over 670 views. Strange, considering I've only posted it once, and its head and shoulders above everything else.
2. Orc Trouble - A strangely high count for an unfinished story with 470
3. Roommates - My giant male story comes in third with 450 views. Though that one might have been helped by my posting it in another thread as well.
4. Iron Oxide - The only other story with significant viewership has 350 views.

>>7266769

I think about 100-150 of those views on the Orc fic are me just checking it for updates, pastebin counts multiple views from the same IP address as unique views I think, sorry about that

>>7266822

meant for >>7266812

also again the ending is up to you, I don't want to impede your progress

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2000 word update, Mutons are people too edition. New content at "One of them stirred"

Snek 4:
http://pastebin.com/ZDNwTwtn
>no new tags

>>7266916
>Reverse probing
I don't even like gay stuff that pic is just funny to me

>>7267010
>(insert proctologist joke here)

Hey I just started writing my second story two days ago and I was wondering how pastebin worked? Do I have to sign up?

I just want some people to read it and give a critique. Please be harsh. It's only 9k words at the moment so it wouldn't take long.

>>7267225
You can make an account or just post it as a guest. However, if you go with the guest route, you can NEVER make changes to it, and if you don't put an expiration date on the document when first making it, it won't go away.
I'd suggest making an account for the following reasons:
1) It's free.
2) You can edit your documents.
3) It doesn't cost anything.
4) There's no reason not to.
5) It's less expensive than something with a cost.

>>7267225
Signing up really helps, as it gives people a name to attach the story to. It also makes it easier to see other works by the same person. Post a story as unlisted for a day or so (to repel the bots), then change it to being public. It will allow people to just click on the account name and see everything else you've written.

I try to look at everything from authors I don't recognize (though I feel like I missed a few last thread), and would be more than happy to give it a crack tomorrow. I'm more than happy to be as harsh as you want.

>>7267253

So you're saying it's more than negative money, yet less than some money?

That's just the right amount.

>>7267257
I'll post it once I finish making an account, but it's pretty wild. Very specific to what I like and I'm a complete deviant.

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Alright here goes: http://pastebin.com/zdzFQ9my


Vampires(m&f), transformation(m to f), futa, slight violence, gentle femdom

Critique harshly. I want to get better at writing for when my sex drive isn't the thing pushing me to put something out. That said, this is the second thing I've written so don't expect some great work.
Amateur errors are assuredly abound.

How would you go about writing a strong character in a humanizing way? As in, not coming off as Mary Sue-ish? I've have a character that's got a lot of abilities is good with a sword, but has poor social and communication skills, an unclean diet, and is a frequent kleptomaniac due to their isolated upbringing. Is emotional weakness a sufficient trade-off for physical strength?

>>7267316
imo if it actually hinders them or causes problems (that don't further the plot significantly) then yes.

And a humanizing thing is not always getting what they want or completing a quest or whatever. If everything goes their way or they conquer every bump in the road, then it seems super fabricated.

>>7267317
What he said-;if you say they have those flaws but they're never shown or made relevant, they just look like a shoddy way of making them seem to be less Mary Sue-ish. Gotta work to make them relevant- for example, her kleptomania might cause her to make an enemy of someone whose stuff she stole.

>>7267317
>>7267322
That's reassuring. I was planning on showcasing their flaws during early parts of the story. But what do you mean by not having it advance the plot significantly, though? Because I was planning on having the kleptomania be the element that brought the two protagonists together. Plus suggestion about the kleptomania seems pretty good.

>>7267360
I think he meant it as in "not outright detracting from the plot somehow"..

>>7267360

If it's only a problem to bring characters together (advancing the plot) then it seems like it's not really a character flaw but another jigsaw piece placed to finish the puzzle.

Now if it is recurring and maybe the two characters fight over the habit when one continues it after they're together, and it causes them unnecessary trouble a few times or something along those lines then I'd say it's ok.

>>7267370
Oh, then totally, I always had it planned to be an ongoing thing.

>>7266686
Fine, but my point was that there could be new writers to this thread who might come across it.
I never tried to push it on anyone who didn't want it. It wasn't even specifically directed at you or anyone else so I don't see where that idea came from.

>>7267451
>Fine, but my point was that there could be new writers to this thread who might come across it.
aye, and anybody here interested in taking an idea o would sure enough check this place rather more than onct a bloody fucking month, and the fact is, there's been more than a few instances of "oh, this thing from a past thread doen grabbed my interest, I'm goan give it a go"

but seriously man, I'd rate the odds at twenty to one atween you filling this thing in compared to another fellow doing it for you

>>7266726

Is there seriously a warframe with breasts that large or is that just artistic license?

Guys, are there any reliable online writing courses?

I pretty much need to improve on everything, character introductions, scene setting, really just pretty much everything.

>>7267308
For convenience I'll start with the easier, specific stuff, and work my way down. Stop using such long sentences. Long sentences are hard to follow, even if the grammar is correct. You aren't very good with commas, so it's even harder to understand. Be careful of thick dialogue. Nobody just stands there and pontificates for paragraphs without interruption or pauses. Dialogue is incredibly difficult for new writers in general, and should not be a mainstay of exposition. The first biting scene was awkward and too sudden. It seemed as though he was bitten because he asked a question. You have to be careful of using too fast a pace, as it can imply relationships between events that you do not intend.

Speaking of, your pacing is way too fast. In less than 10k words, a man wandered into a house, was bitten three times by vampires, tried to escape twice, became sympathetic towards his captor, turned into a girl, and found enough time to ask for a bowl of oatmeal. It's simply too fast for the reader to grasp. This is particularly true of the scene immediately after the first time he was bitten. In a few hundred words, he was bitten by a vampire he didn't know existed, woke up in a strange place, was lectured by the world's most loquacious vampire, watched a man get beaten half to death, and tried to run away. It's important to remember that a story has two kinds of pacing, and that while the in-universe pacing may be fine (which it was here), the narrative pacing that the reader sees can be way too fast. There needs to be some kind of buffer between events as the reader adapts to the change in the story. Give the MC some opportunity to reflect, check his neck, explore the room, or any number of other things. You end up deadening the impact of a scene if you just rush between events.

(Continued)

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>>7267578
They're a little more realistically proportioned in the game, but all the female frames are unapologetically sexy.

>>7267308
>>7267840
(Continued)

I know this story just started, but I have to question why it is TG/TF. Outside of a paragraph or two of the MC despairing, there is almost no reference to the change. Almost the entire point of the fetish is to contrast his experience before with his experience after the change. You simply haven't done it yet. Even during their extended foreplay, there is no indication of how he is responding to the change. You're essentially glossing over an enormous theme and one of the main fetishes of the story.

The final criticism I have applies mostly to the first half of the story, as you do get a bit better as it goes on. You are trying way too hard. The narrative voice feels like an unholy combination of Whitman and Melville. You really don't need as many adjectives as you use. Nobody wants to read a paragraph about snow, trust me. This is especially true of stories written in the first person. Have you ever narrated your own life like that? Why should he? I really hate advising people to use less detail, but I feel that it's really required here. What does 60% of the material in the first half of the story contribute? If a detail doesn't contribute to the plot, the characters, or the setting, it shouldn't be here. It feels as though you're trying really hard to write "correctly", without any understanding of what that means. Fortunately, you get bored of this fairly quickly and drop it in the second half of the story. You also don't need to narrate every single event. There's no need to spend a paragraph on climbing over a wall. What did you accomplish by writing this? The reader is perfectly capable of filling in the gaps. Most of us prefer to be able to use our own imaginations a little. Letting the reader personalize the story a bit generally makes it more enjoyable.

(Continued)

>>7267308
>>7267840
>>7267846
(Continued)

Aside from my earlier complaint about the utter lack of reference to his sudden and unexpected total transformation, the smut actually came out rather well. You don't overburden details like you do earlier in the story. More importantly, you do give the details that are needed. It's easy to get bogged down with the mechanisms of sex and forget all the good parts - the senses that observe your partner. The play biting and nosing were particularly well done. Keep doing that. I don't really have much to criticize in the smut. You did most of it well, but did not give enough material for me to really dig into its issues. I expect that I'll have more to say once the scenes get longer.

The smut is definitely the best part of what you have so far, though I don't believe that the story lacks potential. If you focus on eliminating pointless verbiage and making the pacing a bit more appropriate, it can be a pretty decent story. The only other thing I would worry about is turning all the characters but the main two into background objects. The father, so far, is nothing more than a random asshole who frequently assaults people and has pretty much no impact on the story outside of preventing his escape (which could also be done by a taller wall).

If you want more advice, criticism, or even just incoherent screaming, just ask.

>>7267850

All valid points. Thank you. I wholeheartedly agree with the pacing. I was getting bored of writing (as you picked up on) and hurried everything along so I could get to the fun bits aka sex scenes.

The TG theme for me isn't about being a girl, it's about being someone else. Like that wish of "If only I was anyone else but myself," rather than, "If only I was a girl." It's a way to start a fresh life and not have all the problems accumulated in my current one (if you couldn't tell I'm basing the mc wayy too much on me). But I'll try to incorporate the difference sex since I could have just made him locked in the house and essentially had the same outcome sans futa.

It ended with the butler explaining meeting the father which I am currently writing, but I wanted to make it where the mc came around to understand him a bit better through Adam showing that the father told him what he was getting into before biting him.

"Of course I'd take 5 minutes of being beaten up every day to live for eternity. Wouldn't you?"

"I-I guess so. I didn't think about it being that short of a time really."

"He's quite quick at it all, especially when hungry. I never get sick thanks to his changes either. Another plus." Adam said through a faint smile.

I expected the comma comment I've always had a problem with them since I put them where I want people to pause when reading instead of where they should actually go grammatically. I'm surprised I didn't get caught changing past and future tense up on accident. I always do that too.


Above all, thank you for reading it. I may post in the next thread once I've worked on it a bit more. I'd go back and change the start but fuck editing suuuucks.

>>7267876
I would seriously recommend editing the beginning. If you're serious about improving, part of that is finding your mistakes (with help), understanding what you did wrong, and correcting it. If you don't correct mistakes, you never really understand what the issue was in the first place. Editing sucks, but writing is hard, and nothing worth doing is easy.

>>7267904
ok will do. :\

could somebody critique my outline for the races I'll be using for my game?

http://pastebin.com/KHTPPh95

>>7268022

>Moon people
Why would they need to breathe under water if they come from the moon?

Other than that, they all look good and are differentiated well.

>>7268030
I'll just say they don't need much oxygen

>>7268035
or that they dont need any. that would make the most sense but is kind of hard to rationalize.

then again its a fantasy game so make it crazy

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>>7267810
Nope, you're gonna have to suss it out yourself. To save yourself some heartache, focus on one or two weak points you want to improve at a time rather than trying to do everything at once. Every time I write a story, I start out with my concept and a few scenes and as I'm working through it, I start figuring out what exactly what bugged me about a previous work that I can improve on in my new story.

>Several years ago, write a porn story
>Audience: You're fucking awful at dialogue, you're a terrible writer in general, kill yourself.
>My hatred of sucking at things drives me to go out and listen more closely to how people speak
>Write a more plot heavy story that relies on dialogue to keep things moving along
>Audience: Oh man, I love the bantz
>feelsgood.jpg but on reflection the prose is pretty flabby
>Write a story where I force myself to cut down the excess chaff as much as possible
>Audience: Dude this shit's great keep going
>feelsgood.jpg but on reflection I could use some work on pacing and structure

Cue current story, which is a miniature nightmare. 30k+ words into the third draft, 10k+ words worth of scenes axed, and I'm still not done yet. I was reading some other people's work and it made me want to work on dialogue again after this one. (Of course there were other stories in between the ones mentioned but they didn't have as clear or concrete of a goal as those.)

My best advice to you is to read a lot and write even more. Reread stories you like and try to pinpoint what it is you like about them. Look into scholarly blogs or articles involving language or writing. You shouldn't be consuming significantly more than you produce. If you spend X amount of hours reading per day, then you should spend at least X hours writing too. You can't get around it. You'll find out real quick if you actually like writing or just the idea of writing.

>>7268022
Where to start.

>Moon People
I'm going to assume your moon here is covered in water, otherwise these people would not be aquatic.

Is the skin wet looking, or literally wet? If they're amphibious for realsies they'll probably hate anywhere that isn't moist all the time.

>Demigods of the Moon
What does this even mean? I assume this refers to their better magic and tech, but you haven't really explained where the other races are at. There's dudes turning people into bugs a few entries down with a caste system, I'd say that's pretty advanced.

>Loosened
You mean Loosed.

>Rabbit-ear antennae but aquatic
You might want to describe them as sea slug-esque, otherwise they're going to get water in their ears and swim really shittily.

>Closed, judgemental society, but fucking anything and in any way is A-OK besides whatever you're going to let 'xenophilia' encompass
Closed, judgemental societies are ESPECIALLY interested on what you're doing with your genitals. Always. ESPECIALLY societies where parental lines (maternal or paternal) decide their status in life, potential ability, and inheritance. And on that note, why did they ever decide to undo the curse if they think everyone else fucking sucks?

Is anyone here interested in a futa-on-male request with light incest?

>>7268022
>Imps
>Top half human, bottom half goat
>They dig
None of these are good for digging. Have you ever tried to dig through solid earth with your hands? They're probably going to have clawed, shovel-like hands if they dig out their living spaces. And hooves suck for walking on loose dirt.

If they're stronger than humans and can shrink, breathe fire, and enchant metal, why the fuck are they afraid of human mobs? You could just sneak behind the mob while you're small, return to normal size, and then breathe fire all over their stupid village/the mob itself. And if they're capable of stealing, they could doubtlessly get their hands on metal weapons and enchant them, making slaughtering any opposing humans even easier. Even if you made their no-kill rule magically enforced, it doesn't stop them from taking humans as slaves or just beating the shit out of them when they step out of line.

And if they keep all of these powers when they turn into 'cubi, they're going to be unstoppable.

2000 word update. New content at "We stopped the truck a distance from the Daugherty property"

Snek 4:
http://pastebin.com/ZDNwTwtn
>no new tags

>>7268090
Throw it out there.

>>7268087
>Demigods of the Moon. What does this even mean?
descended from actual Moon God/Goddess

> There's dudes turning people into bugs a few entries down with a caste system, I'd say that's pretty advanced.
that's more alien biology than actual tech

> Closed, judgemental societies are ESPECIALLY interested on what you're doing with your genitals.

point

>>7268092
>Imps
>Top half human, bottom half goat
>They dig

I could say they're handy with shovel.

> If they're stronger than humans and can shrink, breathe fire, and enchant metal, why the fuck are they afraid of human mobs?

I can say they're afraid of human adventurers coming after them for messing with villages. There's not a lot of them in one group since they're assholes to each other.

> And if they keep all of these powers when they turn into 'cubi, they're going to be unstoppable.
Yeah, but they're afraid of turning into Cubi because they no longer become themselves.

>>7267841
Now if only the Devs could figure out how to deliver on their promises.

>>7268022
>Forest People
I get the mashing the Draph with Elin.

>Multiple fluffy tails
I hope no one has a bear or deer theme, it's going to look like a chunky sea urchin back there after awhile.

>Good at 'Wild Magic', can learn more magic with ease
So how are these dudes getting captured/Why aren't they fighting back? Magic in general is pretty fucking powerful, so unless wild magic sucks ass and can only make flowers bloom and unicorns cry, I just don't know how or why they're not just murdering dudes who come into their forest looking for fuck/make them get lost in the woods/redirect them out of the woods. Also no mention of any society for them.

>>7268101
It's pretty simple
>MC's half-sister comes to live with him and his family innacountry for whatever reason
>he discovers that she's futa, and after convincing her that he doesn't mind, he starts teaching her to jack off, since she's always masturbated with fingering up to that point, and they watch porn together
>this rapidly turns to him sucking and eating her on the regular, and sex shortly after
>preferably with some outdoor sex
Anyone interested?

>>7268022
>Yaksha
Au'ra! GREEN Au'ra.

The rest of this is pretty bog-standard for mountain races, no complaints/no obvious critiques to make here.

>>7268102
Quick break to reply to this.

If they need shovels to dig, then they're probably capable of making their own damn shovels, and from there, their own weapons. Man, they wouldn't even need to steal them. Even better!

If they're all assholes to each other, why congregate at all? And like...Even if there were two dozen humans or a few skilled ones, you could still set them on fire. Flamethrowers are great for discouraging just about anyone. So are spears, pointed out of a choke point in your dug den that you can shrink and fit through but humans can't. So are potentially flaming spears. Even if humans starting coming after them, even if adventurers did, normies would die in fucking droves trying to get into an Imp nest, even if it was ONE imp defending its home. Or, it could easily escape through a bolt tunnel made for its own tiny size.

I'm sure a couple highly specialized adventurers would spring up with anti-Imp capabilities, but there would never be enough to keep all the Imps from being horrible to any humans who tried to retaliate for their constant thievery.

>>7268112
shovels can easily be pretty nasty weapons in their own right too

>>7268113
Especially if you sharpen the edges, basically makes it an improvised axe. It worked in the trenches during World War I, should work there too.

>>7268115
hitting with flat part also works great for a bludgeon, especially if aimed at the head/face

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>>7265307
>are there any good stories featuring cute cowgirls?
Ugh...

>>7266303
>Self-insert stories are one of lowest forms of writing
Erg...

>>7266607
>In my perspective, it's where the protagonist is a nonentity specifically to fill in for the reader
...Well at least I won't be doing this...

Alright, so I should spill what I'm hemming and hawing about...
So recently in my lewd musings, I pondered the smut possibilities of /tg/ approved manga/anime Overlord.
Specifically, how the verisimilitude of Yggdrasil MMO could be abused by one such as myself, with its' strong roots in Dungeons and Dragons as well as sheer control a player seems to have over their NPCs appearance and behavior...

Thus, what if such a player found themselves in the same situation as Momonga.

So /efg/, TALK ME OUT OF THIS!!!

>>7268125
For a start, I've never heard of Overlord and therefore haven't the slightest clue as to what Yggdrasil MMO or Momonga are.

Or did you mean talking you out of writing it?

>>7268022
>Worms
Ok, the vast majority of them are not worms. That's just weird branding.

>hive mind
So, I know a lot of people think ants, termites, and bees all share 'one mind' or that the queen controls them via 'pheromones' or signals them somehow, but this isn't true. The queen isn't the brains of the operation, she isn't even the heart. She's the reproductive system. She doesn't decide where the nest goes, how it's built, or where things are placed. Workers actually decide this by working together, and sometimes they don't even agree on things. You can see inside of ant nests, where workers will 'fight' over where the new egg chamber should be by taking eggs or pupae to where they think is best while other workers take THOSE and move them to where THEY like, until it reaches consensus.

However, if what we're describing is a PSYCHIC hive mind, holy shit! These things would be spooky as fuck. Now people being scared of them makes additional sense.

Also, you might want to make ants gatherers AND soldiers since they literally have two morphs for these purposes, and dragonflies would make terrifying soldiers. So would locusts or grasshoppers.

You might want to be more specific on your queen type. Termite queens are immobile egg factories. Bee queens at least move around and get communicated with.

For 'assassins', you might want to look at fleas, bedbugs, or actual assassinbugs. Mantids are actually not that great at being sneaky. They're just good at holding still and having swords for arms.

And why are there parasite ones? Or counselors?

Pretty general possibly psychic bug race that isn't offensive 7/10

>>7268130
It's one of those manga/anime with an incredibly over powered protagonist in a world that uses video game mechanics.

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>>7268130
>For a start, I've never heard of Overlord and therefore haven't the slightest clue as to what Yggdrasil MMO or Momonga are.
Well then, here is a link to a site most 4channers hate:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/LightNovel/Overlord2012

Basically, the Guildmaster of one of the top Guilds in a Virtual Reality MMORPG finds that instead of simply being logged out when the shut the game down, he instead finds himself in the body of his Lich Player Character and that the Guilds Dungeon has been transported to some kind of fantasy world, somehow bringing to life all the NPC he and his guildmates created to run the dungeon to life.

Shenanigans and world conquest ensue.

>Or did you mean talking you out of writing it?
Preferably, since there is NO DAMN WAY I could do this justice...

>>7268147
Practice, write as simply as possible, and do what you can to learn from the experience. You probably will not be able to do a lot due to being fickle & changing interests, but there might be some lessons to learn there.

Basically: Don't write overlord, write a story or two in a setting similar to that which interests you.

>>7268147
>Preferably, since there is NO DAMN WAY I could do this justice...

Then I need only remind you of how unreadable your last attempts at writing were.


>>7268152
You haven't seen his earlier attempts at writing, have you?

(For those of you not there to see it back on /tg/, I don't think a single person who saw them had anything good to say about them beyond "this is in fact the English language, probably".)

>>7268147
>>7268154
Ok, there's another reason not to do it. Read the guides to writing instead and practice on something like this, learn the lessons, and consider not releasing it if it's not decent enough.

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>>7268103
Can you guess what my favorite frame is?

>>7268022
Looks like there's some good variance between the races, that's what you want.

>>7268158
Snake, would you ever consider writing a story with a human woman femdomming a male borlean? Because that would be fucking great

>>7268158
I got the prime version of her a few months ago....shit's hype.

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>>7268165
I can imagine some scenarios where that could happen. Really need to get through my backlog though. When I have the time maybe I'll do like a "request month" and do like five or six smaller ideas like that and make them around 10k words. There are a few people have pitched that I would love to get to.

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>>7268174
Ever watch Outlaw Star, because Borealens remind me a lot of Aisha/her species.

>>7268174
I love you Snek! N-no homo

....maybe a little bit of homo.

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>>7268022
Almost done so I'll just scrunch the last three up into one post, don't want to clutter more than I have. I thought I'd have less to write about.

>Leviathan
>sacred shapeshifters who can control the weather and oceans yet somehow are still hunted

Even when sacred animals are hunted, it's typically a big deal and done very rarely and very respectfully. Or, they're just not killed at all. Because these things are sentient, I can't even imagine how you'd manage to bag one. These things would be fucking terrifying.

>Humans
oh boy
>thin blood
>none of these other races are fucking them unless I'm missing something
So why does it even matter? Why are they 'weak' blooded? So you could have animal people? You already got animal people. Weakness or thinness of blood is not described in any other race or why any of them would ever fuck a human.

>Zoothrope
Zoanthrope. Zoothrope isn't a word.
This isn't a race, it's a template, so no comment beyond 'please do some research on animals and shit before you delve into how these would act and work'.

Overall, these are thought out on a very, very basic level with no indication that you've thought out how they mesh more deeply into the world and interact with each other. Imps destroying the countryside, moody sea-jellies destroying trade, and all-consuming insects would be stomping on just about anything that bothered them.

I get it, you're very excited, you put all your fetishes and some extra into a pot and dump it into a potential world. But if you want any of this to make sense or have any sort of check or balance you need to give it a good sanding down, especially on aesthetics. Forest People and Imps overlap in the 'short and animally', humans have nothing going for them, not a lot is explained about any of them, their societies or how any of them get a long with each other, et cetera.

But hey, if this is just something meant for a quick wank, go for it. Everyone has half-baked ideas while aroused. It's fine.

>>7268147
Then don't write it write, retard

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>>7268158
Not Valkry I am disappoint.

>>7268154
>Then I need only remind you of how unreadable your last attempts at writing were.
True, but at least here I have a character/plot outline...
CuttleDaemonette Attack was me forcing myself to put something to page.

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>>7268181
I loved that show, no small amount of inspiration there. Still no season two...

>>7268184
I'm also guilty of a little bit of homo.

>>7268218
Valkyr is /fit/ but you'd have to peel the suit to get at her abs.

I don't really have an idea of how big of a readership I have in this thread, if any, but I've made a poll for what should be my next project if any of you are interested:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uXyS9O3QnFc8j3wSf-w2CQdb0Qu24vrIi8QBfiRbwpk/edit?usp=sharing

Feedback on the latest chapters (and story in general) would be much appreciated too, see >>7265252
>>7265259

>>7268226
You really should create your own original setting instead of aping of a popular story.

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>>7268125
>So recently in my lewd musings, I pondered the smut possibilities of /tg/ approved manga/anime Overlord.
>Specifically, how the verisimilitude of Yggdrasil MMO could be abused by one such as myself, with its' strong roots in Dungeons and Dragons as well as sheer control a player seems to have over their NPCs appearance and behavior...
Just no.

>>7268087
>>7268092
>>7268106
>>7268112
>>7268144
>>7268187

Thanks, this what I needed.

>>7268332
>You really should create your own original setting instead of aping of a popular story.
But that's basically what the creators of Overlord did; They took a hell of a lot of D&D, filtered it through your standard J-MMORPG lense, and pulled the old "THE GAME IS NOW REAL" switch.

>>7268555
That's probably not what he meant, odds are he was saying not to rip off the ripoff.

Make an entirely new setting from scratch. Oh, who am I kidding, you never had the creativity required to do that.

>>7268555
D&D is often used as inspiration for fantasy because there's no set story to D&D, it's more of a guideline for making stories, places and characters. If you make a story based from overlord, a property that already established all that, no real effort is made on your part and it's just fucking fanfiction. I'm gonna assume awful fanfaction if you write it

>>7268566
>Make an entirely new setting from scratch. Oh, who am I kidding, you never had the creativity required to do that.
I do, it's just easier to adapt an existing guideline than try to put an entirely original world to text.
Honestly the reason I like the Overlord set-up is that it gives me ideas for what to do BESIDES lewdness, as it's far too easy to have everything go in the character's favor.

>>7268572
>If you make a story based from overlord, a property that already established all that, no real effort is made on your part and it's just fucking fanfiction.
But if I'm not starting out using either story or characters from the established property, is it still a no-effort deal?

>I'm gonna assume awful fanfaction if you write it
Probably, hence talking me out of it.

>>7268586
Yes, because you're using an established setting

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>>7268311
>Valkyr is /fit/ but you'd have to peel the suit to get at her abs.

Please don't do this to me. I'm so close to getting prime now.

>>7268586
How did you completely miss the part up there about self-inserts? Or do I now also have to point out that gratuitous wish-fulfillment that doesn't even pretend to be subtle makes you look more insane than usual?

>But if I'm not starting out using either story or characters from the established property, is it still a no-effort deal?

Yes, if all you're fucking doing is changing the names from the original. Any idiot can do that, so I'm not surprised you would too.

>Probably, hence talking me out of it.
I take it me reminding you that literally nobody wants to see your butchery of the English language isn't going to do that, is it?

>>7268660
Harsh.

Might be sort of justified, but still.

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>>7268667
If you actually saw his "work", you would probably agree with me. I'm almost thankful I lost the links a long time ago, they could be used as instruments of torture.

Pic related, some things never change. Even after nearly 4 fucking years.

>>7266286
This is the first I've heard of the cyborg monster girls and I must say this is upsetting. You've added to my list of shit that sounds hot/awsome. Damn you

>>7266346
How many lel's? All of them

>>7266574
I'm pretty sure the thing you're looking for is the "choose your own ending book" like the "turn to page 5 if you go into the basement, turn to page 8 if you stay in the room"
Exept with porn....
>"turn to page 5 if you finger her ass, turn to page 8 if you caress her breasts, turn to page 67 if you invade Poland"

>>7266684
For honor. It's making me want fantasy style porn even more.

>>7266286
So I read everything you have so far and I look forward to seeing where you're going with this. Any idea for future tags? Cause if bad end is one of them I'll jump ship so fast you won't even see me.

>>7268867
I haven't actually thought as far as the ending yet, but it won't be a bad end. As for future tags, I'm expecting light femdom, light bondage, group sex, maybe amputee. Also, at least one chapter with male milking and machine play.

>>7264296
About a week or so ago a random request got thrown up on here that went like this:

>>7228956
>TL;DR: Angel and succubus wanna be human, so they get unbirthed and regressed by the granddaughter of a really powerful witch.

Been meaning to write here for a while, so here you go stranger. First time writing porn and I feel the prose is a bit purple, so criticism is appreciated.

http://pastebin.com/APS8c9rv

Tags: Unbirth, Yuri, Angel, Succubus, Shortstack, Fingering, Inflation, Implied Breast/Arse Expansion

>>7268589
>Yes, because you're using an established setting
Uh, this General started via someone writing smut about a named Warhammer 40k character...

>>7268660
>How did you completely miss the part up there about self-inserts? Or do I now also have to point out that gratuitous wish-fulfillment that doesn't even pretend to be subtle makes you look more insane than usual?
Why do you make it sound like this isn't a good thing AA?
>Begin mad daemon cackling

>>But if I'm not starting out using either story or characters from the established property, is it still a no-effort deal?
>Yes, if all you're fucking doing is changing the names from the original. Any idiot can do that, so I'm not surprised you would too.
Oh please, even I have more intellectual integrity than to commit the literary equivalent of a Sonic Recolor...

Madam Minerva the Perverter is essentially the player character of yours truly, extrapolating that I remained a NEET into the near future of the Yggdrasil MMO's VR.
While a Max Level Greater Daemon (of lust) Transmutationalist and Item Crafter, Minerva is still the ERP character of a Free-to-play player, so instead of a huge dungeon filled with powerful monster underlings created via Cash Shop, her "merchant guild" is just a one-man outfit set up as a mobile Medio Cafe/Item Shop with a trio of mid-level NPC cohorts.

Lynn Drakainia - Red-headed Dragonoid Dragon Girl and Pugilist
Lynn is the teams' "bodyguard;" The primary tank and damage dealer when out Adventuring to grind for Crafting Reagents.
Possessing a high Moral and Diplomacy score like the rest of Madam's Medios, Lynn is always ready to jump to the defense of the weak and helpless, but being the one primarily designed for doing damage means she's also the most likely to throw the first punch.

Bessy Hathor - Holstaurus Cleric, team healer and substance provider
A large, doting cowgirl with a motherly demeanor, Bessy tries keep everyone in good spirits...

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>>7269367
Cont-
When not keeping the team alive on their quest grinding, Bessy usually tends to the Cafe's various agricultural ventures to grow their own crafting ingredients.

Solvent Delta - The Shaggoth Maid that serves as House and Shop Keeper, with the only actual connection to a character from Overlord.
Namely, her appearance is an in-universe copy of Solution Epsilon, one of the Pleiades "Battle Maids" of Nazarick (The characters someone like me would have the most interest in when it came to the famous tomb).
However, despite looking like twin sisters, the two slime creatures are nearly diametric opposites when it comes to personality.
Epsilon is a sadist and LITERAL man-eater, where as Solvent is a kindhearted friend to all living things, even somehow being the vegan version of a creature that can eat anything.
This is, of course, meant to be used to lewdest effect with her constantly "polishing" everything and everyone.

>>7268660
>>Probably, hence talking me out of it.
>I take it me reminding you that literally nobody wants to see your butchery of the English language isn't going to do that, is it?
Well it HELPS!
Yeah, I suck when it comes to actualizing anything, but as you can see I at least have some character concepts, and a few story ideas on top of that.

>>7268668
>I'm almost thankful I lost the links a long time ago, they could be used as instruments of torture.
Well then here you go!
http://pastebin.com/ycLR74kn
Mindful, this was the version I actually did edit a bit.

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Advice for writing bad ends?

Specifically the thought processes, I guess, of the poor unfortunate in question. Beyond the obvious stuff (orgasms, etc) I mean.

>>7269435

Can we get some ND x AA femdom up in here

>>7269594
He seems to have a habit of shit talking other authors while actually producing very little himself.

>>7269597
At least AA's shit isn't an incoherent mess. Did you even look at his "fic"?

>>7269597
>>7269601

These two reasons are exactly why I'm asking for related femdom.

>>7269597

Isn't that that exactly what AA routinely does to snek? Or were you talking about AA to begin with?

>>7269611
>>7269597
SIDF pls go

>>7269612

Who?

>>7269614
Snek International Defense Force, duh

>>7269617

I had no idea this existed but now I want to know more. I take it making people think you're in this causes lots of anger and shitposting about Snek?

>>7269622
u should know, cuz you're already in it

>>7269626

I'm not, but I want to be if that counts? Snek is a pretty cool guy

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>>7269617
>>7269635
I think "intergalactic defense force" sounds better.
I'll make some t-shirts.

>>7269635
A shame that his fanbase is full of lunatics who go mad whenever someone doesn't slobber all over his dick like they do. It's a mystery why he tolerates them.

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Hey.

Hey guys.

How about we all respect our difference in taste and appreciate all the authors giving us their craft for free?

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>>7269367
>>7269435
Sigh.

Look. You've been fishing for encouragement pretty hard here, I get it, you want some validation for your ideas and needs. But it's reaching an embarrassing peak and you need to make a choice instead of waffling on the fence like a mincing steer going 'SILLY BOYS TALK ME OUT OF IT! TALK ME OUT OF FALLING OFF THE FENCE! TEEHEE!'

1. Just fucking write it. Shut the fuck up and write it. Don't talk about writing it, just write it, post your progress, let people see your work and judge if you wasting your time on this is worth it. The upsides being that you might get some practice in, the downsides being that if your posting style is anything to go off of the dialogue is going to be a trainwreck and also no one may like it. But at least you will have fucking DONE something.

2. Don't fucking write it. Do something else with your time, but don't spend it beating around the bush here with your fucked up genitals himming and hawwing in a very obvious attempt to gain encouragement. The best way to gain encouragement is to have at least something to show for it, and you don't, beyond disjointed, barely-thought out ideas that make your dick hard. Put in some fucking effort, get our hands out of your pants, and impress us, or stop posting.

>>7269655
The asshat has always been like this. Bad enough he latched onto /wst/ back when we were on /tg/.

>>7269657
You're on /d/ now, half of us have never been to /tg/ let alone kept track of whatever drama went on in /wst/, let the guy post his stories and if they suck we can make up our own minds.

>>7269659
But he did, in >>7269435

>>7269659
That's the problem. He isn't going to post stories, he's going to shit around like this and then disappear, his erection sated for the time being. Just because some of us are trying to tell him off for past behavior on another board doesn't mean that, on a new board, he's suddenly going to be productive or helpful.

And on that note, that's going to be the last I discuss this guy and his 'story' because the thread is cluttered enough.

>>7269659
Well, he has. And it does.

And even then, even though this boil on the arse of humanity has been here since the start, he's only ever produced that one, pretty lousy story.

Even AA (no offence mate) has a better productivity record than that.

>>7269672
None taken. At the absolute minimum, I can say that even the worst stories I've written don't read as if they were written while I was tripping balls.

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>>7269655
>1. Just fucking write it. Shut the fuck up and write it.
Yeah, last time I did that we got CuttleDaemonette Attacks...

>the downsides being that if your posting style is anything to go off of the dialogue is going to be a trainwreck and also no one may like it.
Wait, what?

>2. Don't fucking write it.
>The best way to gain encouragement is to have at least something to show for it, and you don't, beyond disjointed, barely-thought out ideas that make your dick hard.
Hence why I'm asking if I'm onto anything.

>>7269617
>>7269642
>I think "intergalactic defense force" sounds better.
>I'll make some t-shirts
What is this about defending Sexy Space Sneks?

Apparently this guy was quite a character on the "other, unnamed general" as well. Earned himself a spot on the go-to filter pastebin.

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>>7269706
>Yeah, last time I did that we got CuttleDaemonette Attacks...
If that last work is your best effort, then this effort is all wasted. Take some fucking time on this if it's so important to you. No one wants to see your half-baked shits.

>Wait, what?
Your posts are just awful, almost pseudo-roleplaying shit. The way you write to communicate here is hard to slog through. It's like someone put normal sentences through a weeaboo translator and spat it out here. If this is how you write normally to talk to other people via text, it's a good indication of how your characters will talk. And it's going to be horrible.

>Hence why I'm asking if I'm onto anything.
Again, that's just TEEHEE fence-sitting. Just do it you insufferable trashcan of a person, you might redeem yourself slightly. The 'sucked into an MMO' genre has been run dry, harems have been run dry, all of the facets of your idea are crustier than your week-old briefs, if you want this to be done just write the fucking thing. No one else is going to hold your hand unless it caters to their weird specific fetishes, because this is a weird specific fetish board, and if you just wanted to cater to strangers just fill out some centuries old requests.

STOP POSTING. WRITE A FUCKING PAGE AND THEN COME BACK. IF YOU CAN'T DO THIS, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WRITE THE REST OF IT EITHER, AND YOU'VE WASTED THREAD SPACE AND TIME.

>>7269706
What happened to you?
You used to be cool
[spoiler] nah, actually just obnoxious, but you produced product and that's more than you can say about 90% of this place [/spoiler]
[spoiler] how about admitting you fell off the writing wagon because you ran out of actual ideas, and shitposting is how you cope [/spoiler]

>>7269717
>>7269718
>>7269720
You realize this kind of drama is how you got banned from /tg/?
Leave him alone, if his stories are terrible and he's obnoxious we'll find out for ourselves soon enough.
Pretty sure we've had this conversation before on the subject of other authors too, filling up the thread complaining about them is not productive.

>>7269717
>Apparently this guy was quite a character on the "other, unnamed general" as well. Earned himself a spot on the go-to filter pastebin.
Wait, which general is that?

>>7269718
>Your posts are just awful, almost pseudo-roleplaying shit.
Uh, that doesn't help point out what the problem is...

>The way you write to communicate here is hard to slog through.
This is closer, but...

>It's like someone put normal sentences through a weeaboo translator and spat it out here. If this is how you write normally to talk to other people via text, it's a good indication of how your characters will talk. And it's going to be horrible.
...This kinda undermines your arguement.
Just saying "It's SHIT" and "went through a weeaboo translator" doesn't help explain what the actual problem is.
Was it too verbose, did I use too much flowery language?

Hell, AA, wasn't their an old pastebin on how to give proper constructive criticism?

>YOU'VE WASTED THREAD SPACE AND TIME
Not possible here on /d/, where this thread is a continuous general on a slow board.

>>7269728
There still is, the link is right here:

http://pastebin.com/1s1fLktL

For your sake, I'll give you my attempt at it.

I'm trying to think of something you did right here, there's very little I can find in your fic that I can actually say you did right.

The writing style resembles a stream of consciousness, and not in a good way.It reads like you're writing everything down the moment it goes through your head without taking any time to clean it all up. I don't know about anyone else, but I'd rather not go through a smut story thinking that it was written by James Joyce. The characters are just as poorly defined, and due to the style I have trouble understanding what the hell is even happening, let alone figure out if it's supposed to be erotic.

As for your proposed story, everything you listed in your post has been done before (and probably by someone far better than any of us combined), and we can't tell how good or bad it'll be unless you can actually write it. Otherwise, you make yourself look like a self-centered twit who needs other people to make basic decisions for him. If you still can't decide whether or not to go through with it, just flip a coin.

>Uh, that doesn't help point out what the problem is...

Look at it this way. Is the way you post here the way you talk in real life? Most people don't put Random Emphasis and GRATUITOUS CAPITALIZATION on words, it makes you sound like a lewder version of the Time Cube guy. Same goes for the ellipsis overuse, it's awkward to read and makes it sound like you've forgotten what you were about to say partway through a sentence.

And above all, just practice. Don't wait for someone to praise you or tell you that you should keep writing, just do it. You'll never get better if you never try.

Is there a list of requests anywhere? I feel like working though some stuff.

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>>7269797
On the master smut list, mon.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nyDKegfYhIvlv7ZvGoxswIVkiG5lw1lrOeDFvZbw_WU/edit?pli=1

'ere. Pic unrelated.

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Content time.
3000 word update, new content at "I quickly changed the subject." I promise more nasty snake fucking soon and less exposition about operating farms in Kansas.

Snek 4:
http://pastebin.com/ZDNwTwtn
>no new tags

>>7269817
You said that last update, are you trying to bore us to death?

>>7269834
>You said that last update
No I didn't:
>>7268098

>>7269838
still boring desu, hurry up with the sex and be done with it, not like there's much more plot left with the ayys out of the way

>>7269844
Client paid for 70,000 words, I'm only half done.

>>7269797
There's some in this thread already that could use some love
>>7264372
>>7264382
>>7264520
>>7264606
>>7265339
>>7266036
>>7266307
>>7268107
A bunch of people seem interested in the first one in particular

>>7269851
What, your client gets off to boring farm life?

>>7264296

>>7249570
Tavern wench/adventurer yuri request complete!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZmJMqRyo7FVFHsxLLdtqYTfx3cLuJ5r9L1215RqO-74/edit?usp=sharing

>>7269887
https://youtu.be/I-rWZ88AnVQ?t=63

>>7269887
>>7269844
If you want one and done fapfics then you're in the wrong general

>>7269901
Are you pretending?

>>7269844
> "stil boring desu"
I love reading about the story and the plot and what not. The sex is just second hand when reading it

>>7269817
digging it, keep on keepin' on

>>7269891
Holy crap, yes!
Reading now.

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>>7269891
>>7270055
This is just great, exactly what I was hoping for. The character intros are quick and effective, and the meat of the story revolves around the sexy times. I'm also happy you spent as much time as you did on the foreplay, particularly the undressing. A lot of authors neglect that part, and it's always enjoyable to read it in detail.
Very sexy, very fun read.

I notices one or two things you might want to look at.
At the bottom of page 1, there's a bit that says
>asks a strange voice in a german accent
First, it should be "asked," and second, the phrase "german accent" comes across as odd considering this is a fantasy story (or is the dwarf just a short guy?). It might be more effective to make up a name for the culture with that accent, then describe it (or go the easy route and exchange all the Ws with Vs).

The tense issue popped up again on page, second-to-last paragraph:
>Matilda says
Should be Matilda said

Finally, and this is more of a style or worldbuilding choice than a mistake, the use of the word "panties" is also a little out of place. All the other terminology seems to be from a set time period, but panty is a relatively modern word, and so comes across as anachronistic. I've actually done the exact same thing before (same word, too), until someone kindly pointed it out to me.
You might have to research the clothing used to cover naughty bits at the time, or just say something like "the last few linens, those covering her most intimate place" or somesuch.

Anyway, those are my two cents. I enjoyed this story thoroughly and cannot thank you enough for writing it, Heane. I'll certainly be following your work in the future.
That being said, your style seems familiar. I feel like I've read your work before, but don't recall the name.

>>7270107
I'm glad you liked it! And thanks for your feed back.

I figured using the settings equivalent of German, Romischen, wouldn't have really described what it sounds like. And I wasn't certain how it was viewed to actually type out an accent.

I know I have an issues with the tenses. I've been trying to fix it, but I run A LOT of ttrpgs so present tense is sort of ingrained in my head. If it wasn't for Anonymouse there would've been many more mistakes.

Yeah, it was brought to my attention that "panties" was a poor choice of word. Must've missed fixing that though.

This only the second things I've written, and I've never published/posted under a different name.

>>7269817
>I promise more nasty snake fucking soon and less exposition about operating farms in Kansas.
>tfw agricultural management is your fetish
oh well, it was good while it lasted

As an aside, Hot Coffee was cute as fuck and I hope you find the time for more like it, though I think you meant barista, not barrister. Unless post-ADVENT only practicing lawyers can sell hot drinks.

Took a break from writing for a long time, but I finally wrote a new story on FP. I'll pastebin it later if there's any interest for futa/maid smut.

>>7270264
Tenses are difficult for many people. I'd suggest just ignoring it on a first draft. Just getting something on paper can be the hardest part, so you should focus on actually finishing the draft.
Once you go back and edit those issues will get fixed. And I find that the more someone works like this, they'll find themselves naturally making fewer errors without really thinking about it.

>This only the second things I've written, and I've never published/posted under a different name.
Hmm. Well, I stand by what I said. I'm going to keep reading.

As for the language issue, you might try something like this (though this example is overly wordy, I admit):

"Vant to get out of here, schön?" asked a voice in a Romischen accent, the over-emphasized vowels and throaty sound easily distinguishing the stranger as foreign.

Also, found a quick guide for writing a German accent on google:
Rule 1: Pronounce all "W's" as "V's"
In German, the letter "w" is pronounced as a "v," as in "was" or "wehrmacht." Carry this over into your English for a significant impact. Vat this does is start to add a Germanic flavor to your speaking. Use it only vere you pronounce the "w" in English; you vouldn't use it for vords like "write" or "wriangle" but you vould for "we," "webster," "war," and "was."

Rule 1.1: "Wh" is just "v"
For vords vis a "wh" write it simply as "v." "What" is vat, not vhat.

Rule 1.2: No two letter words
For vords like "we" make it "vee." No two-letter vords!

>>7267308
Gonna continue this? I like it

>>7270280
I roughly understood how to do it, my issue was with how it is received. I don't recall reading many, if any stories, that have done that.

>>7269574
Depends how you want to write it. You can write it as submission, being broken or remolded as something else, or with a twist (where it seems like a bad end, until they're back to what they normally do till their free time). I'm not a fan of non-con, so I'd twist it into something consensual, but think of what's going on, what fetishes are involved, and what's involved in them.

If you want to write well, write a character that's interesting in a situation that makes sense.

>>7269817
Snek, have you ever thought of writing Warframe smut?

>>7270287
Well, it can be a tricky thing. It is pretty easy to go too far with accents and make them ridiculous, annoying, or just plain hard to read.
Anyone who has read the first few Redwall books will know all about that. Those moles, man, those moles.

Honestly, it's not really a big issue. It's just a little odd to read the word "German" in a story like this, but that's hardly a story-breaker.

By the way, what sort of stuff interests you, and what was your first story (I don't see it on the Master List)?
I'm guessing you're cool with yuri, since you already wrote some, but what other kinks might show up in future works?

Here's the first 2000 words of the Krell fic I've been teasing for so long, expect updates to be sporadic for a while as I still have a lot of work to do on Snek 4.

Highway to Krell:
http://pastebin.com/hE1muHCb
>no tags yet

I will attempt to create a 'hetero' and a 'bi' version as I did with Outpost, but it may not be possible due to the content, I'll see how it goes!

>>7270294
I'd like to when I get time, maybe something with a frame going haywire and molesting the operator.

>>7270267
Oh, good catch lol.

>>7266254
Me gusta!

>>7270297
>Highway to Krell:
Are we sûre this isn't actually D. pretending to be snek?

>>7270333
Well they're technically crocodiles, I have to pay homage to the pun master.

>>7270336
Robert Lynn Asprin?

>>7270296
I'll go back and fix it, I'm trying to make it and myself better.

>what sort of stuff interests you
Uh... I'm not certain exactly what you are asking.

>what other kinks might show up in future works?
I don't know yet. I've basically just been skimming the requests.
I'm sure there is more, but off the top of my head, what I like is:
loli, size difference (large M x small F), Beast/Monster x F, fantastic races, large insertion (and accompanying stomach bulge), mild cumflation, anal, futa, yuri.
Really what I like is anything with a female smaller than it, if that makes sense. Female in this case could probably mean anything cute and feminine.
Most deviant of all: love, romance, impreg,

My first story was the Werewolf/Lara Croft request.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Y9nSys3DGOj2rY1pyCqXIsB_8-MRf34RiojUy3smFXE/edit?usp=sharing

>>7270297
Doesn't a relationship with a Krell mean it's Bi just from a genetic standpoint?

>>7270297
Looks like it's time to wait again. Binge reading yo shit is the way to live my man.

I've never wished death upon someone for their smut writing but there's this "writer" on literotica that has me thinking some pretty homicidal thoughts. samuelx is now the bane of my existance, the amount of shit he has on the site makes me mad, it makes their smut list look longer, then I realize that his shit is everywhere and my soul dies a little more.

This is a question for something unrelated, what do the collective anons here think is the best way to incorporate dryad into a city? Without the city being the standard "elven Forest village." Dryad being for this discussion wood fey who are bound to a particular tree. Some ideas that I had
>"child" dryad is a bonsai tree spirit or any other house tree
>MILF fruit tree (gotta get that juice)
>weeping willows that try to cheer up mourners at cemeteries

>>7270390
Modern, Fantasy medieval, etc? Either way, cities usually have parks or small areas with trees/plants in them.

>>7270366
That kink list is almost identical to my own. I think I like you.

>Uh... I'm not certain exactly what you are asking
Basically, the kink list you just provided: what you may be interested in writing. I ask so I'll know what sort of requests I could shuffle your way in the future.

Anyway, thanks again for writing that story. You rock!

I kinda have a problem conveing frame transitioning.

Meaning describling what the character is doing without it seeming a list of actions.

>>7265952
fuck it you know what? I've never written smut, but I do write the occasional fiction and am trying to write a novel. I've written for news sites too, but I am actually going to attempt this for you. did you want her to be just a neko, or do you want the fur dispersed across her entire body. A literal cat-girl as it were. Lemme know,. I'll check this thread tomorrow.

>>7270518
Just neko please and thank you.

>>7265412

No luck remembering yet?

Sounds like something I wouldn't mind a peek at.

this is annoying. 4chan isn't letting me post.

and now it is. okay. finally. this is what I have so far. I apologise if it's too girly. I think I'm too romantic and mushy to write smut.

Let me know if you have any advice. http://pastebin.com/mx1aikWD

>>7270709
tags

>>7270713
because I felt sorry for some anon and wanted to challenge myself?

>>7270724
what? Just tag the content in the story, nigga

>>7270724
tags are little things that tell anyone without actually reading the story what fetishes are involved
m/f, gay, consensual rape, floor tiles, Ohio, etc

>>7270728
it's not finished yet. I will once I'm done. That post expires in a week. Only started writing it tonight.

>>7270733
then why post it?

If you're not gonna tag it because "it's not done" (Almost every other writer still tags their shit by the way) why the fuck should anyone care?

>>7270731
right. I'm sorry. I thought you said fags. I have a shitty monitor, and I thought you were calling us fags. my bad.

>>7270738
I wanted feedback from the guy who requested it. that's all. I've never written erotica before.

>>7270728
Hand holding, oral, M/F, Minor Transformation (Neko), paizuri and footjobs. That good?

>>7270390
An Apple tree in a farmer's garden, the spirit of which has a particular affection for one of the farmer's sons (or daughters, or both)

>>7270366
Here's a idea: a pair of futa werewolf twins are married to a pair of smol elf twins, and are in a bit of a 'friendly competition' to see which one of them can successfully impregate their waifu first, because elves are known to be extremely difficult to impregnate(the secret is that they consciously have to decide to ovulate, and these two have a secret pact to draw it out as long as they can for maximum wolfdick), and the twins start trying increasingly lewd shit to try and get it done (like say knotting the elf and then fingering them through several anal orgasms with all the cum still inside)
It ends with the two elves announcing that they're pregnant at exactly the same time

>>7270390
Hmmm... I hadn't really thought about dryad fiction until you mentioned it, but I would be interested to see how a dryad would function in New Mureybet, the setting of my slime fic.

Maybe there's a certain distance the dryad can be from their tree, or any tree? Maybe they just need to be watered and lit to be OK for a time before retiring to the glen?

As far as erotic potential... lots of sap? Nectar? Buds? I can see this working.

>>7270392
I was originally thinking in a medieval fantasy setting but I would appreciate input for modern fantasy as well.

Doing some brainwash/breaking in a slave/pet ERP at the 'mo, and the domme has some control over dreams. Considering giving her juices within the dreams some addictive qualities, but I need tips for how to describe it. Could any of you toss a newish writer some tips?

>>7271079
One tip I can give is to picture yourself there in that scenario, don't be afraid to use metaphors. If something reminds you of another similar act, take note of it. Best tip I can give you would be to expand your vocabulary. Maybe even spend an hour looking at a dictionary.

>>7270390
>>7271054
I don't remember exactly where, but there's a culture somewhere where the tradition is that the family plants a tree the day a child is born and consider the two in some way linked fate-wise
Say a fey bonds to that tree and by extention the kid, is their friend/guardian-spirit like growing up. Sixteen-twenty years later....

>>7271102
That's not a bad idea. I suppose I'm more trying to decide on what kinds of effects to give the 'drug,' I mean, providing really intense sensation works, but I feel like there's a lot of room for creativity here.

>>7270843
Wowzers! You just kind of crammed as much of my list into that request as you could, eh?

Well I definitely find the idea arousing, I'm not sure about writing multiple partners like that, especially if it's simultaneous.