ITT: You know what do /b/

>>593693498
I'm a well do to young man in college with everything I could want or need and a bright future ahead of me, but I suspect I suffer from some sort of personality disorder because in spite of all the opportunities at my feel I am irresistibly drawn to crime.

I voted for Mitt Romney.

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>>593693498
Well if they're true, they don't feel ridiculous or crazy...

My ex-wife is a model that's been on the front page of foreign news papers (like, canada and england I think. Smaller ones, not like super large nation wide shit).

I met the woman I'm currently dating (and probably going to propose to) by DMing a game of D&D for her?

I dunno...

My name is taylor swift

I am OP and Im a faggot

I have aids

I can see the future
check em

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>>593694319

>>593693498
Two of my toes are webbed together.

>>593694567
Your predictions are faulty.

I stole 5k+ worth of equipment when I was discharged from the army. I sold it to gangs for hydroponic equipment.

I never was pottytrained. My parents try it hard, but i allways refused to use the toilette. I still use diapers at the age of 28.

>>593693904
So you're telling me you're going to be a marvel villain

>>593694567
close.

>>593694817
Like what

I had a threesome with my girlfriend and my female cousin

I legitimately love the smell of my own farts. I sometimes will fart into a glass jar, just to enjoy them later.

>>593693498
i love licking my girlfriends asshole even more than licking her clit

>>593693498
im mick jaggers son the lions whelp
and people that betray me tickle my feet goddamned losers rofl

so hilariously easy beating this abomination
cause jesus is gonna do all the work ROFL ignoramuses just had to test the joseph

>>593693498
Exactly half of the women I've dated still have multiple scars that I gave them will their complete consent.

There is an old coffee mug in my desk that contains strips of skin I cut off of my own heels.

I currently have more funds in currency from a dozen foreign countries than my own.

>>593694953
Ammunition, optics, handhelds, body armour, uniforms, automatic weapons. Anything I could get away with.

My little sister saw my girlfriend naked before I did.

I can predict when I get dubs.

My dad's pretty rich. I'm currently staying in a presidential suite in the Renessance hotel in a big city. They have free wifi and a jacuzzi, pretty good.

>>593695339
Do you enjoy cutting people?

>>593695550
...but not trips?

>>593695666
then why r u on /b? wtf are you on /b for u faggot

>>593695666
It's the antichrist

>>593693498
im patton oswalt

I have an IQ of 115.
I once participated in a massive orgy of 30 people.
I just took a shit 15 minutes ago and the shit was a fourth of a meter long.
I am related to Britney Spears.

>>593695841
It's 1 a.m. in this timezone. I'm 17, can't go out, Although I'd love to hit some bars, even if I don't speak the local language.

>>593693498
I work on the visual effects for Syfy channel movies.

>>593695998
>115 IQ
>Related to Britney spears.

Hmmm something's fishy.

I met Mitt Romney in October.

>>593695766
I enjoy pain/fear responses. Cutting (or burning that one time) is just a good way to get them. The stronger the reaction the better. I suppose if someone could fake it well enough the actual harm would be unnecessary, but I've not had a chance to test it.

The self-inflicted usually just happens when I'm exceptionally anxious or stressed.

I can masturbate with both left and right hand

>>593695666
Satan tells only the truth

>>593694157
ex wife name

>>593693904

Can you please be more specific? What types of crime? I feel we are cry similar....

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>>593694197
Well hey she actually browses /b/ so you never know

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>bi
>pretty enough to party
>zero consideration for other people, gotta make em feel loved if you want stuff I guess.
>leave trail of relationship destruction wherever I go
>good luck everyone else
>still no stds
>stil no babbies

I'm your friend that makes your girl laugh the day before you two break up. I'm the guy getting a rimjob from your husband when you get home from work. I'm the one standing at the urinal too long when your rich ass is throwing cash all around the gay bar. I will sleep with your girlfriend, and I will do it shamelessly.

And if you didn't know any of that, I'm just a nice regular outdoors type guy. Let's go camping >:)

>>593696425
I'm not really closely related to her, only very distantly. We're something like 7th cousins, so it doesn't really matter at that point.

I've died twice.

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>>593696735
Second in a week I get satan trips. I'm getting worried /b/

Gambling addict

I have a huge crush on my aunt and stole her n00ds

>>593696450
RMoney!

>>593694899
I know that feel! (nice dubs)

I, too, yearn to rob a bank of America and put money in people's mailboxes like a modern Robin Hood.

>>593696866
*very similar

I have two different thumbs.

I am someone that you all probably would recognize but wouldn't know my name. I am D list famous.

>>593696950
Are you that charismatic? Or is it because you're bi and attractive.

>>593697671
Lemme guess, rapper?

>>593696843
>IDing yourself on /b/
>k

I'll say that she got most attention for themed stuff. Like... elaborate outfits and settings and shit. I'm not familiar enough with the industry terms to really go into depth, but she had some crazy outfits.

For something else about myself, I'll say that... I have had sex on 4 continents?

I dunno. I guess I'm a bad judge of what's "ridiculous"

I'm playing in the Australian Open tomorrow in the men's singles draw against a top 10 opponent and I'm scared as fuck

>>593696907
proven fake I thought

>>593697671
In what industry?

>>593697874
bullshit

>>593693498
>I am in the 97th percentile for human strength
>I am a former merc
>I am in a poly relationship with three girls and a cute trap

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I own a five star restaurant.

>>593697874
fuck off Roger

>>593697846
>>593697948
No. I am an actor. Haven't done anything too noteworthy for a while but was in a ton of shit years ago. Big deal shit but never the lead. I am not rich :(

my fingers are pretty fucked up

>>593693498
I was an opiate addict for 7 years. I consider myself fairly intelligent and good at science, and despite having a felony conviction for possession, hope to find work as a developer or private tutor in math and science, and perhaps get a degree in physics.

>>593698215
>>593697874

haha I wish, I'm not even ranked

im 13 and have been browsing /b/ for a year.

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i killed Martin Luther King, then I had sex with his Corpse in the morgue.

>>593698216
I love this troll, happens in every one of these threads

>>593698471
hi I'm 12 and what is this meme
also pics or it didn't happen

>inb4 perma'd

I've posted this before but:

I'm in the LCS. It's first-division league of legends.

>just soldmy company for several million dollars
>been on here for 8-9 years since i was making 50k/year as a n00b
>i live in an insane penthouse in a top 4 largest city in NA
>i bang a 9 every other week, but have a few 6-7s i keep around to treat terribly and call last minute until they get wise to it, then i cycle them out and another in

...oh, and i doooon't give a HOT FUCK who doesn't believe me (sunglasses land on face)

>>593697000
>nice trips
unnoticed post?

the girl i regularly fuck was charged mischief endangering a life by rolling a car trying to kill people in it, i let her drive me places.

>>593698360
I wish you good luck anyway. You can only win

>>593698641
le lmao alien me me /joke

>>593698682
How old are you now? Tell us what industry at least.

My ex gf literally became a prostitute after we broke up.
I am considering fucking her still.

Ok not that crazy, but still dumb af.

>>593697673
Both. also I am a psychopath. I'm good at reading people, and find virtually everyone attractive, so why not get my rocks off now and then? Often people get too attracted to me when I prefer a kind of friends/business partners with benefits deal. Not everyone can accept the benefits without feeling oh so much guilt (= I get free stuff, cool!)

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>>593693498
I have mismatched nipples

I am Moot

>>593698617
Well I guess I should be a little more specific then...

I'm in my 30s. Most of the shit you would know me from I was in my teens/early 20s.

i suck my dog dick and swallow his cum

>>593693498
i can bend my thumb

>>593695339
so
>Exactly half of the women I've dated
= 1
>I currently have more funds in currency from a dozen foreign countries than my own.
= an avg of $6.37 worth of foreign currency from said dozen countries to your $5.71 in your home currency

>>593695514
mirror?

i'm a top expert in a super specific field, i have girlfriend who lives with me as my submissive fuck-slut, a super hot mistress that's only interested in me because i'm "off limits". i was interviewed on pbs and yesterday i hung out with a former nba player

>>593698896
i'll just say 'digital media'. online shit but also a heavy sales component.

i'm 32

>>593698869

Thanks bro. I'll be trying like hell, but it's still the biggest payday of my life win or lose so I'm still pumped

>>593693498
I always have the hottest gf out of all my friends, 3 of them are contracted models for major labels (Channel, D&G, Gap).... And I think I'm going gay

I've never had a gf because I'm too idiot to have one

>>593698682
What kind of company?

>>593695507
lol you are delusional
wonder why you were discharged
my brother said crazy shit similar to this when he was discharged

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>>593698641
im on an ipod faggot ban me all you want

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I have never masturbated before. I am almost 25 years old too.

>>593699508
as i just answered, digital media tech with a heavy sales component. slowly phased myself out of sales, sold the company and all my staff

>>593699207
Nope. For whatever reason back then (~15 years ago) my girlfriend would swim naked with her brothers and sisters, and when my sister went over her house, they decided it would be a great idea to go swimming.

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I have been penetrated by 6 different male dogs in my life.

>>593699923
wtf

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>>593693498
When I was 15 I weighted around 30 kg eating 800g of rice, beans, meat and salad 3 times a day.

My metabolism is a bitch.

>>593696995
pretty much everyone that is at least 2nd generation in the us is seventh cousins

>>593696308
No wonder thier effects suck shit

>>593699923
hot as fuck.

are you cute?
email one.gold.lion @ gmail

I had a fling with my 2nd cousin.

>>593699088
Why would somebody lie on the internet

>>593700049
First was when I was 13. Had my first knotting at 15

I think I may be bi. Wanted to kiss a guy, and I'm attracted to some of them, but sex (receiving or giving) turns me off completely.

I've rap battled Eminem years ago. I use to be semi popular in the detroit rap scene. Then I moved and started a new life. its funny because i have like 30 gang tats on me and now im just an old computer nerd.

>>593695247
same dawg

>>593700279
I'm a male

>>593699088
Can you tell us a movie? I mean if you're D list, does it matter that it's know you browse 4chan? Come on anon. Ever been to the oscars or award show like that? Coolest and douchiest celeb you've worked with?

>>593693498
I rolled my 83 Camaro on seven different occasions and rebuilt it

>>593695915
are you ever gonna be funny again or is that not a thing anymore?