Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps. The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact. You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random
Cooking for entire class. Did lasagna. Made multiple baking dishes full. Filled every one except the one for the knowing ones with everything we found that could be nasty. Like old coffee, rancid cheese, ~500ml of stored cum each, acid based cleaner, chlorine based cleaner, desinfection spray, dirt from the kitchen sink, shit, piss and everything else disgusting we found. Drowned everything with the last noodle layer and in fucktons of cheese.
Served it, carefully watching that we get our untainted lasagna. The unknowing ones ate up everything and even congratulated about that awesome lasagna.
IT WAS SO HARD TO NOT FUCKING BURST INTO LAUGHING! when that female teacher tasted that stuff and said "mhhmmm that tastes awesome!"
>be freshman >bored at lunch >find tard table >one is playing with transformers >I yell "WATCH OUT THERES A DECEPTICON" >tard throws his toys across the cafeteria and screeches louder than 12 jet planes >jumps on top of table flailing his arms and screaming >trips on other tard's lunch tray, sending his food flying >tard #2 goes into ultra giga tard mode >charges at transformer tard >tard 1 yells "URRR THA DECPTICORN!!!1!" >tard 1 charges at tard 2 >by this time a circle has formed around them >tard 2 beats the shit out of tard 1 >tard 1 runs away wailing about how the autobots will return >mfw i never got in trouble >mfw the decepticons won
>>528484963 What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
I have weak ass stories. Pretty mild stuff, nothing fun most /b/tards did. And I was an absolute thicko.
>be me bunking rs and hiding behind the stage curtains >sat there with my mates eating and loling about shit >suddenly something hit me >a peanut shell >where the fuck did that come from mate >spin around and prepare to fight shit back >no one there >shout at my mates, no one has peanuts >whatever >sit back down >suddenly two more peanut shells hit me >ffs >start yelling at people again >they swear they dont have peanuts, I check >I walk around trying to find anyone >three more shells hit me from the opposite direction of my mates >I check but no ones there >from the dark corner of the stage 4 more shells hit me >I kick out at the corner but hit nothing >I would have noticed if anyone ran out of that corner >book it and go to the rs room >grab a cross and run out before the teach said anything >I ask my mate for an exorcism spell (fuck knows why I thought of that) >perform exorcism >nothing happens Still dont know who that was.
>Threw the poorest kid in school's bag into a deep puddle of mudwater and ruined it >Hid sharp knives in the sink in cooking class so people cut themselves when they went to wash up >Walked around cooking class and turned the heat up on random ovens so that some people's food got burnt to shit >Drenched a toilet cubicle in chocolate milk so it looked like someone had catastrophic diarrhoea in there >Destroyed a ramp that was a disabled girl's only way of getting into maths class defaced the wall of a teacher's room that included a photo of her baby niece and trashed her desk.
Le me getting high in the props room behind the school stage, some cunts practising for stupid shit. snitching behind curtains and touch those near the cut with my dick and jumping in the props container before they can lift the curtain.
> grade 10 comp engineering > routing circuitboards all week, boring as fuck > buddy dares me to bridge a power cord in a nearby outlet with one of the wires we were working with, and touch the exposed wire with my fingertips > do it > wall explodes, black shit everywhere > wire melts to my finger > so much adrenaline don't even feel it > didn't get shocked > teacher screams what the fuck and stomps over > irresponsibility speech > no punishment, but we weren't allowed to wire circuitboards anymore > everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
>be me >be in high school >be in 10th grade >be in FFA >be in ag mechanics class >class is learning how to weld >be first time welding >go to strike arc for first time >end up fusing electrode to welding table >freak out don't know what to do >electrode starts smoking >catches on fire Almost burned down the school shop
>be me >freshman in high school >there's some whore who hates my sister >sister's like "revenge.jpg" >take myspace photo of her >shop onto somewhat believable body >stay after school one day, just chillin in the halls >pull out pictures >pull out tape >next day, "Femanon Anonabitch, please report to the front office" >pretty sure most everyone saw the pics before they got taken down
>be me at school yr 11. >have a world book day where the school asks us to dress up. >ultra religious school, church every weds morning kinda deal. I digress. >mates and i decide to dress up as harry potter, about 9/10 of us. >i go to town looking for hp stuff. >find something better. >isdatanuncostumeisee.wav >naturally i purchase the nun costume. >turn up to school after a weird as fuck bus journey. >meet my mates at the gate, greeted by cheers. >walk into school together like a faggy little gang. >teachers congratulate mates on costumes. >shocked looks when they see me. >one asks what book im from. >um. >the bible? >turns out there's no nuns in the bible. >themoreyouknow. >end up being put in isolation after break. >escape at lunch and try to convert Muslim to cathlocism. >get excluded for one day. >come back to pictures of me up on lockers. God i miss school.
>fucked girlfriend in the stairwell between classes >caught by some dumb chick going for a smoke >didn't get in trouble because it was her word against ours >and i was known up to that point as a "model student"
we're the reason they have security cameras now huehuehue
>be me >be last day of school >prank patrol is on the loose >that'd be me and my mates >bring in ketchup sachets and tape to underside of the loos >sadly only worked once to my knowledge, fat kid sat down on the loo and it squirted on his trousers and shoes >sadly I didn't witness it but still makes me laugh to this day >put clingfilm on other loos >accidently sit on one myself but quickly remembered thank fuck >blew up condoms and hung them from the stage with "goodbye my lovers" written on them >told a teach their arse looked fantastic >got in a bit of shit for that but it was a fantastic arse That's all the pranks I can remember but like I said, it wasn't a crazy time for me, just a good time.
>be sophmore year >can get along with just about anybody >have jewfro >sitting with friends in math >there's this kid jordan >he has a mini-fro >total douche to everybody, never knew why >one day friends talking about muh fro >turn around creepily and whisper "shave your head" to Jordan >get everybody in on this >at least 14 times a day he hears "shave your head" >come april >he walks in >head is shaved >everybody is speechless
Contributing: >Figure out teacher's password for Infinite Campus (student manager) >Login >View everyone's student records >laugh at discipline records >change my grades >a month and a half later, get snitched on >expelled
>Be me >fat unlikable and long hair >halfway through 9th >7/10 short chick with DD transfers into my class >brags about being bi and having multiple girlfriends and boyfriends from other schools >one day she says she's into me >thisisbait.jpg >tries hitting on me >end up taking her behind school >"Cut the shit" >Almost punch her in the gut >she runs off crying >feelsgood
That's the closest to anything i've got. I was expelled in middle school for attempted rape, but this is a highschool thread
ok so this is mine: > be 17 > zoran is not showering very often > grabs my cap and wears it having this ultra stupid expression on his face, while running around with it > i rage, silently promising to myself to make him pay for this, cause fuckin disgusted from my beloved cap > fast forward some days, zoran is not at school > since zoran is 18 you take full responsability for yourself > and if you don't come to school you have to write some offical excuse with an explanation why you didnt come. just some formal shit like "Dear Sir/Madam XY, because of the flu i wasnt able to appear at school..." and sign it. > i grab paper&pen and start writing for him > "my dear lady XY, > because i didnt shower for many days i decided not to bother my fellow classmates and especially you with my smell and therefore won't come to school today. > also the need for xp requires me to stay home and play wow to achieve the next levels. > all my love, zoran <3" > as zoran comes back to school he has to face the principal. > they thread him he's gonna be expelled from school for such disrespect > his face is pale after he comes from the principals office, cause they were fuckin serious. > as i realize that he's gonna be expelled for real i stand up and claim the responsibility immediately > teacher takes me to the principal > they stand around me, complaining about my inappropriate behaviour but are impressed from my courage to stand up and take the responsibility for the shit i do > mfw nothing else happens
>>528481630 Freshman English, I would sit and imagine fucking this ugly girl in the class. I would get extremely horny by the end of class and masturbate in the school bathroom. It usually only took me two or three stroke before I busted my load and went to my next class.
>be me >see guy who looks like doucebag >poke him repeatedly >gets pissed >tries to attack me >fatass chases me >I run >fatasses fatass friends chase me >they run out of breath >I win faggots >lucch period is over >next day see fat fucks again >laugh at them for being fat fucks
This one happened a long time ago. I was 15-16 by the time, and lived in a small town. I was locally-known for being some sort of computer wiz, since people couldn't figure out minor shit. I guess this is all the backstory you need.
>be in class, 15-16 years old >a girl calls me from her table >I go there, check what's up. No spaghetti spilled. >yadda yadda, 'my computer is magically slow' kind of thing >asks if I can go check on the same day, since I had nothing better to do.
And I was a beta by the time. My daily routine was based on a home-school and school-home kind of thing. No partying, no going out.
>I went there before, so I knew where her house was. After our class ended, I ate something and went there. >Suddenly feels nervous when about to knock on door >Betamode engaged >Finally grows some balls and knocks on the door >A few seconds go by, doorknob finally twists >"Hi, Anon!" I guess it's worthy to mention she was wearing kinda revealing clothes. Some kind of tank-top with a tiny jeans short. Not exactly whore-ish, considering it was summertime.
>I get in, she asks if I'm hungry, yadda yadda. After a brief introduction, I go upstairs to see the machine >Greeted by a CRT screen and a white, old case, I brace for what's about to come. That things takes a whole three minutes just to boot up. >I go on with my business. Put some shit to download, readying to defrag the thing's stone disk, etc. >Suddenly, the girl hops atop the chair I was sitting. Literally. She said nothing, just turned and sat on my lap. Yes, weird like that. >"Do you have a crush, Anon?" >wut >By that point, she was completely blocking my view of the screen. That kinda pissed me off, since I wanted to solve the fucking problem and go away as soon as I could. >slowly notices something hard in my crotch >ohshit >asks her where the bathroom is, saying I need to use it real quick. She grips my wrist, almost pulling me to a corner, pointing me to a door >"There, Anon" >get in
>>528481417 >Be edgy freshman >School is ecksbawks hueg >Two floors are pretty much abandoned >Designated fuck/smoke/drink floors >Smoking a joint in the connecting staircase during a free period >Dean starts walking down stairs >Oh fuck, smells like weed, have 1/8th in my bag, so cannot get fucking caught >"What are you doing anon...." >Trip him >falls down flight of stairs >Hits head on banister >Out fucking cold, blood everywhere >mfw >Book it out of there and never tell anyone >He ends up in a coma for a month. Wakes up paraplegic with no memory of our encounter. >Everyone called him hot wheels when he came back.
>be in like junior year >at lunch with few people, randomly find unopened pack of socks on sidewalk >autist of group picks it up >eat at target across street, someone orders huge icee and bearly drinks it >on way back to school we fill bunch of the socks with icee >walk in about to throw them at people, I realize its a bad idea so I hand my icee socks to autist in my lunch social circle and proceed to sit off to the side >they go through with it, all get suspended, I dont even get in trouble >mfw it was my idea
>all the lap-sitting bullshit gave me a boner. You simply don't sit on a 16-year-old's lap and expect nothing to happen >I look myself in the mirror, and I'm actually sweating. >washes my hand, spending a good minute inside, thinking about what to do next >get out of the bathroom >finds the girl directly looking at me. Staring. Facing the bathroom's door >2spooky >"... So anon, do you have a crush?" >mfw she was my crush. Since the day I met her, which was two to three years before the day this all happened, I developed a crush on her. >trying not to sound like the complete loser I was, I held my spaghetti in for a second >"I actually have a girlfriend, femanon." >Said that without smuttering. Felt like an alpha for a sec >Obviously didn't had a gf. >Her face kind of twists. She looked weird, kinda looking like she was let down. >I regret nothing >Go to the computer room again, since I could finally start cleaning that >"A-Anon, I think you should go now" >Patiently says that I did absolutely nothing on the machine and the computer wouldn't be any faster to her >She says she doesn't cares >U wot >run back home, since I lacked a cellphone back then.
I still fap to the lap-sitting event, though. She was a solid 9/10, and by 9/10, I mean 9/10. She wasn't my crush for nothing, after all.
Still, I couldn't defrag her ATA HDD. Bitch calls me to fix something she doesn't cares about getting fixed. Unfortunately, she stopped talking to me since that day, considering how we used to chit-chat almost everyday.
>Senior gym class teacher's assistant >The teacher I 'worked' for told me to go and ask another teacher a question >The question he wanted me to ask had a yes or no answer >I walk around the school and come back without asking the teacher >I tell my gym teacher the answer was 'no' >Later on in the day I had weight lifting class >The teacher I 'worked' for came up to me and asked me if I truely asked the teacher the question >I simply responded 'Yeah.' >He said, 'That teacher right there?' >The teacher I was supposed to ask happened to walk by >He called her over >He asked her, 'Did this student come and ask you a question?' >She said 'No, why?' >I said 'Don't you remember me coming into your class and asking you? You said No and I walked out.' >She had a look of confusion on her face and said, 'Maybe I'm getting old because I don't remember that.' >They dropped the topic and said 'Okay' and laughed
>I stole the fire extinguisher in the locker room >During a lock down drill, I ran into the gym by myself...the snack bar was open and I stole all of their gatorades and candy
>>528496636 I know that feel >Be me >couple of years ago >first day of public school Had to leave private school because of the price Anyway, >Girl with long black hair comes up to me >starts talking to me Haven't talked to a girl for a good 3 years >conversation going smoothly >asks me: >"anon, do you have a girlfriend?" >ohshit_whatido.bat >"uh, yeah" >"oh..." >after that we kind of stopped talking Fast forward 2 years later >find a girl that's smart, polite, funny and kindhearted, everything I could ask for >not a 10/10 but I was in it for who she was >long story short: >went the prom >did some exploration after prom >tfw gf
>tl;dr Girl on the left asked me out but lied and said I did Eventually went out with the girl on the right
>>528497584 Inventing a girlfriend is more alpha than outright admitting I didn't had one - as far as I remember, basically EVERYONE of my class was in a relationship back then. The exception was me, the girl from this event, and a puck-ish boy that I didn't knew much about.
Meaning that answering "No, 9/10 girl-which-like-half-of-the-class-boys-would-like-to-bang, I'm a neckbeard and I do not have a girlfriend." Would be far worse than "Yes, I do have a girlfriend. Thanks for your random, senseless question.", since I was aware she wasn't a whore/was with someone.
I don't know, too. Considering that most of the IT services back then were rare, expensive and WAY far from the city in which I lived, I don't know why she subtly sent me away. We're talking about quite some time ago, but her computer was weak even for the time's standards.
> Security and Deans would ride around on golf carts to make sure us kids weren't doing anything wrong. >Stole one of them one day and rode around the school >Wore a mask so I wouldn't get caught >Someone video taped me going down the stairs and fitting it in the elevator >I was legend for a few weeks >Never got caught
Then again, if I didn't made it clear on the greentext, she did that randomly. Nothing said before, no explanation. I was opening up IE (It wasn't utter shit back then.) and she hopped on the chair I was sitting on. I never said that everyone who was single was a neckbeard, but openly admitting that to a 9/10 would be unnecessary baiting for a bad reputation/humilliation. That made you the uncool kid.
>Be in class >Kid says he has a bomb and going to blow up the school >Tell him he's a faggot >Starts yelling about how I am a worthless asshole >The teacher tells us to go to the Deans office >I tell them he has a bomb >Opens his back pack >It's a fucking cherry bomb >He gets suspended >I get off and said a hero in the newspaper >A week later after school >walk to my car >Kid with the cherry bomb runs after me with a knife >Kick him the nuts >Falls over crying >Says he will kill me >Never saw him again
>be a junior, walking home one day >get jumped by some swag fags and their bitches >2 vs 1, get my ass kicked and most of my shit trashed >they laugh at me and walk away, then tell everyone >dont get mad, need to get even >go after the two girls first, let it be known I will not discriminate >come to school with a halloween mask and a pie, see 1 girl in the hallway >target aquired >palm fuck her face with the pie, then run >before anyone can react, her face starts swelling up like a blimp >loaded that pie with cat hair, shes allergic >ditch mask and change clothes in the bathroom, but everyones focused on her to notice me >one down, 3 to go >next girl is scared of birds, like TERRIFIED of them >leave a dead bird on her doorstep before school, watch a pancic attack from a distance >after that, its all birds all the time, everywhere >stickers, pictures, toys, stuffed birds you name it, >within a few days I see her become a nervous wreck, she looks visibly ill >one day before her soccer practice, toss a shit ton of bread crumbs all over the field, they dont notice becuase its bread crumbs >middle of the practice, I release a box of pidgeons I captured over time >they preform mid-air acrobats not seen since pearl harbor >watch her second panic attack this month >rumor was she shit herself >2 down >get a big bird suit (dont ask where, you dont need to know) and wait otuside his work >I had egged his car, and, while in costume, was squatting on it like I had just taken a shit >his stares at me while I jump of the car, then kick him as hard as I can in the balls >while crouched over I egg his head and then run >car was ruined, needed to put most of his saving into a new paint job >3 down >lasy guy, put a balloon on his exaust pipe >end of the day, he starts his car..POW >from a secluded location, scream "HE'S GOT A GUUNNN !" >security tackles him, drags him inside >suspended for the rest of his sports season for "mischief" I might be a physcopath
>>528481417 >be me >hang out with arabs >arabs goes to smoke pot behind school >join in >smoke the dankest pot ever >back to class while still high >feel the need to fart >igotthis.jpeg >shits >my friend sits next to me >blame him >SUCCEEDED >everyone lols >mfw
>>528499435 Saying "I have a girlfriend," is like when girls say "I have a boyfriend." It means you're not interested in the girl. You should've been flirty and just say something like "I don't kiss and tell." How could you have been this dumb?
>>Be 17 >>Every year at the end of the year, there's an optional summer camp (for jews) >>Legitimate camping, in tents. Not some gay cabin camping >>Friend (female) that I knew from a previous camp arrives. Lets call her mel >>Over the last year she has gone from a 6/10 to a 9/10 >>Only reason she talks to me is because I was friendly to her last year when she wasn't so hot >>She has a crush on my friend in my tent, hes not interested. He has his eye on a 10/10 one year older than us. >>He is a real alpha >>I'm not quite beta, but certainly not alpha >>Each tent has about 6 stretchers which we sleep on >>Mel comes to my tent and ask me for a massage >>Pretty sure shes trying to make my friend jealous >>I don't care >>Give her a great massage. >>She stretcher with me >>I gladly accept >> continue a mild massage under my sleeping bag, this time rubbing her forearms and upper legs >>Move my way up to her boobs and grab one. She doesn't seem to mind. >>Continue to fondle her boobs (they're literally perfect) >>She seems completely ok with it >>Never touched a pussy before. Nothing turns me on more than a pussy >>Decide to try my luck >>Move my hand down. To scared to unzip her jean shorts >>Move my hand up her inner thigh and up through one side of her pants. >>Still no objections from her >>Touch her panties. They're pretty warm. At this point I am hard as a rock, dont think ive ever been hornier in my life
>9th grade >annually around christmas kids from local school come for breakfast and gifts donated from the students >2nd period >the whole class and some other classes get the period off because kids are coming to do activities in said class >nowhere to go because freshman >in the hall leading to woodshop >classmate pops up from nowhere >starts tugging at something >its a locked door >wtf where does it lead >classmate 2 opens the door >follow with because nowhere to go >found out it leads to the stage in the gymnasium where apparently little kids were playing with a parachute (this door was really hidden) >decide to chill with classmates >classmate 2 leaves for 5 minutes >comes back with a lot of guys >all the girls volunteered >10 minutes later the stage is full of guys looking at the little children >its a refugee >one of them messes with the gifts for the kids >kicked out >nowhere to go >fuck
What the fuck. You're either replying to the wrong dude, or higher than a whore on crack. I'll make it other way, so you'll understand:
>goes to random girl's house to fix her PC/make it less worse >random lap sitting autism, random questions about my personal life >gave her the less pathetic answer, avoiding potential name calling >suddenly mentions she doesn't cares about the computer she called me there to fix being fixed
>interested in the girl
I was there to fix a computer, dude. I had done so before, and the only specific detail about this girl is that she was my highschool crush. I didn't wanted my crush to know I was a kissless virgin, being stuck in a place where most of my classmates weren't - and she being well aware of that.
>be me >be a freshman in highschool >be dating a smoking hot senior that most guys are constantly trying to hit on, >one day Nigger walks up to us while were holding hands and staring into each others eyes gayly at the park near school >"HEY GURL" >ignore >"HEY GURL" >ignore >"HEY BITCH IM TRYNA GET AT U" >thats it. I let go of her hand and break eye contact > she says "anon, its okay, just ignore him, he'll go away. >sit back down, start talking about English lecture (we had the same teacher) >"YO LITTLE NIGGA YOU GOT A FINE ASS BITCH, WHATCHU DOIN WITH A HUNNY LIKE DAT WHEN YOU OBVIOUSLY TOO YOUNG TO PRECIATE THAT?" >im not taking this shit anymore >stand up and in just a little over 9000 millisecconds grab my chair and swing it hard into his side >he crumples on floor, his stupid ass bright red hat with some sort of B on it goes flying into the distance >"W-W-What the FUCK WHITE BOY? >he tries to get up >hit him again while calmly instructing him to "stay down bitch" >walk away >never saw him again, i have temper problems. i probably forgot some dialogue sorry its been a long time
Me and my friends did this every day for like a month >schools in the middle of nowhere >about 1 km away is an old shed and an abandoned house >house was gross and rotten but shed was still intact >every day before school we would each get 1 (small) joint each and hotbox the shed >there was 10 of us >we would then start the trek back to school And you better believe we tricked the shit out of that shed
>>She makes an unusual sound and I suddenly had a thought in the back of my mind, maybe she's asleep >>I say (in a whisper because theres literally 5 other guys asleep on there stretchers around me) "Mel, u awake?
>be 17 >people around school started a fight club (yes I know first rule of fight club is not to talk about it but fuck it) >so anon got invited to set fight club >"meetings" were held in different places, from forest preserves to people's basements >faces were punched in, people left bloody, end of the day everyone was friends surprisingly >one day idea came up to expand club >other schools began to come to "meetings" >at the height of fight club about 5 high schools were fighting in our club >tournaments would be held to see who was the best >anon participated in one tournament to see where he would end up >be paired with a monster of a guy (6ft 4in with boxing experience) >Anon has black belt in karate >fight ensued >One punch KO to the chin >opponent drops to floor >rival school members jump in pissed >chain reaction and everyone fights each other >anon leaves with broken finger and black eye >fight club disbanded >soap was never made >buildings were not exploded pic unrealted
back in high school >i'm senior 3 and have been pissing in the hand wash station for 3 years, cause fuck the pricks the hand wash station is one of the big round ones with 4 soap dispensers in the middle, and a bar at the bottom that you press with your foot to get water going. >some senior 1 kid walks up and catches me on first day doing this, fuck >he looks at me with my dick out, but doesn't realize that this is a hand wash station >urinals are behind me, but he came in from a different door not seeing them >I'm there pissing away with my dick out >kid walks up now and starts pissing in the hand wash station >I finish and walk away, laughing when I turn the corner >at the end of the week over the announcements I hear the principle saying something like this, "please be aware that the hand wash station is not a urinal, it is to be used exclusively for washing your hands." >I can not last to the end of the announcement and start laughing uncontrollably >teacher gets mad and gives me detention at the end of the day >see pissing buddy in detention >kid is fuming mad, tells me he got detention for the entire month of September because the VP of the school caught him >again I am laughing uncontrollably >the teacher asks what the hell I am doing >I can barely breath at this point, and try telling him but I can not go past the first syllable >the pissing buddy gets pissed and tells me to shut up >I manage to drag myself back into my seat still laughing >kid keeps yelling shut up, and teacher keeps trying to find out what is so funny >I am finally calming down and the teacher again wants to find out what is so funny >so while chuckling I start explaining, "so this kid beside me..." >he cuts me off, "I said shut up" >I restart "so this kid.." >"fuck you" this kid shrieks with the scream of a thousand pubescent boys, and starts punching me
>be me >be like 15 or something >get a nosebleed >no particular reason, just a regular random nosebleed >go to toilet >drip into sink >look at myself in the mirror >get the best idea in the world >soak my hand in blood >write a huge bloody "help" on the mirror >smear the walls red as if a tragic murder happend here >get some TP and get the fuck out of there
>>528504451 >he knocks me on the ground and just starts wailing at me, not allowing me to speak >I for no reason at all start laughing uncontrolablly, even though his punches hurt like hell >the teacher is afraid to touch this kid, since the school district said that they are not to touch the kids under any circumstance. BS I say >so he goes for a solid min or 2 working my face over, all the while I am laughing like a mad man, not even resisting one bit >some other kids pull him off, I get up, and turn around >my vision is blurry in one eye, the other is completely swollen over, but I realize that there is a lot of blood on the ground where I was >kid gets sent to juvenile jail after a plea with the courts >I go to hospital, where they get me high on morphine day in and out for 2 days while they stitch me up and make sure that I got no concussion or other things >my parents sue the school, we win of course, My university is paid for by the settlement and I get a new car, and 10k is split between my parents and me. >first day back to school after 2 weeks away I take a break during first period and take a piss in the hand wash station
>be me >16 in high school >average beta >in woodwork class >woodwork is my favorite and my best >constantly bothered by tard >tard's name is Liam >he has a face like an emu stapled onto a sweet potato >so so obese >all he does is stand around sweating and breathing heavily >Some guys in class fucking with Liam >poking him, namecalling etc. >Liam faces them "STUP EET I DUNT LIKE ET" >this only fuels their shenanigans >Liam is getting angrier by the second >he starts sweating more than ive ever seen anyone sweat >oh god its horrendous >he grabs a piece of wood from my workbench >preparethyself.mov >Liam goes full tardicus and smashes the plank onto guys head >the force of the swing is that of legend >guy falls as the wood splinters around his face >everyone shocked >it doesnt fucking end there, no sir >tardicus starts flailing his arms violently >randomly hitting anyone he can >his tard rage is reaching maximum capacity >Liam smashes his arm into a table and screeches in pain >entire class is backed up against the walls >tardicus has been injured >the fucking teacher comes back from the toilet and see's the carnage >tardicus catches him unawares >tardicus has his injured arm pressed against his chest, the other flapping in the wind >"GET UT OV MI WAY" he screeches >Tardicus sprints headfirst into steel doorframe >hes been fucking knocked out >he falls like a giant redwood and crashes into the ground >teacher is awestruck >suddenly, smell strange odor >Tardicus, as his last hurrah. Has violent shit himself
Pretended to be a foreign exchange student so I could sit in my boyfriend's math class. The whole time I spoke portuguese even though everyone knew that I was NOT a foreign exchange student and I went to this school. No one blew up my spot....I ended up ruining it when the teacher caught me talking to a kid in the class in english. Poor gullible mr. hanley
>Be me >Be 16 >Be at grandfather's house for thanksgiving >He somehow gets his hands on 2 ghost pepper plants >gives us both of them >a little less than a month passes >Dad and I start making our yearly batch of jerky for Christmas >both plants are still healthy >get an idea >make some ghost pepper extract >put a little in the jerky seasoning >only like a drop or two because it's so hot >make special piece for kid I hate (his name was Nick) >no seasoning, just extract >be day after Christmas break >mandatory lifting starts for football >bring bag of regular jerky, and the special piece of jerky >warn all my friends, and my coach finds out >he hates Nick as much as me so he doesn't care >start handing out all the jerky >Nick is a fucking lardass >easily 315 pounds at 15 years old >not even a good lineman being that heavy, just short and fat >comes waddling over in typical land whale fashion >begs me for a piece like he hasn't eaten in a month >warn him to watch out because it's a little spicy >totally disregards my warning and eats the whole piece at once >me along with the entire weight room start laughing >he looks around all confused >"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL LAUGHING AT?!?" >he starts sweating >after a few seconds he starts screaming and falls to the floor >I'm laughing so hard I'm about to throw up >he gets up and runs into the locker room to the water fountain >he slips on the tile in the hallway and hits his head on the floor >what was even better was that he did this in front of the entire cheerleading team >now laughing so hard I'm scared I'm going to pass out >he lays there and screams while I gather myself enough to finish my lift >next day >principal calls me into his office >believes story I tell him about that piece slipping in that bag by mistake >mfw nick didn't fuck with anybody anymore >mfw I probably seriously messed up his throat and stomach
>>528504451 >Sophmore year, i skipped a lot! >one day i was on my usual routine to skip 4th period then skip lunch and drive back to school for 5th >I had just left Theatre(4th) and was walking to the parking lot >got caught up by Joe the security golf cart gaurd >ISS(in school suspension) for 3 days >i had a history of skipping >so im headed into my first ISS day and my buddy comes up to me before i get there >pulls out a handful of mommys xanax >gives me 3 2mg xanax bars >i eat all 3 >did i forget to mention that today was the day of our finals? >yeah i ended up passing out as soon as we started on the test >woke up before i had enough time to finish it since i had done nothing >look at my test and its drenched in saliva >got sent to alternative school and pub intox charge >proceeded to get almost ticket at alternative school for showing up retard high status >Bullshitted my way out of it >had gotten rid of all evidence of me smuggling in the shit in my sock >(they check you when u first come in) tl'dr: i have a drug problem
I might have a good one. >be me >me and friend sitting on the stage near steps >we forgot to bring our gym clothes, so we were forced to sit there >hot girl arrives late >she forgot her uniform >I get a devious idea >she walks over to the steps >my friend decided to sit behind the steps of the stage >I creep behind him >hot girl walks on the steps >pushed friend into hot girl >friend gets pushed in between her legs and crown of head hits vagina >she smacks friend and everyone thinks hes a perv >mfw everybody called him a pervert for a month
>be me, male, 16 >freshman year >one of my friend from middle school goes to a different high school >see him every week to do sex shit, like mutual fap >push him farer and farer in the kink because he doesn't go to my hs >we buy condoms and suck each other regularly >been experimenting with analplay for years on my own >decide it's time to taste the real thing >meet friend at his place >watch stupid porn, start jerking off, as usual >tell him in a quivering voice I wanna try something different >drop his pants and suck his dick to get it hard and wet (don't even care about sucking him bareback at this point) >get naked >get on all fours on the couch >lube my hole with saliva >tell him to fuck my ass >weirds him out >finger myself to show him I'm serious >dirty talk him till he's behind me, the tip of his dick pushing against my hungry asshole >slowly slides it in >slowly thrusts >first time I feel something in my ass other than my fingers or an object >it's stretching me good, I'm so horny I feel like I can take a pounding >so I boldly tell him I want to take a pounding
>be me >go to highschool >be dressed up as peasant >Get upset with everything science teacher says and say, "The Catholic Church will come after you for saying that!" >Accept the fact that I am a thousand years behind my classmates. >Still do better at school than most of them anyway. >Physics teacher loves my trebuchet theory comparisons. >Writing teacher think I sound just like Sophocles. >History teacher accepts my version of Charlamagne rebuffing the Moores at Poitiers. > Do terribly at math. >Years later I get my BA in Medieval medicine and become a leach specialist. Thank you public education system.
>>528506867 cont >he grabs my hips and start powerfucking my ass and then this happens: >the head of his dick hits perfectly on my prostate >every hit is like a discharge of physical pleasure in my prostate >every discharge makes me scream >cause that pleasure is so fucking intense and overwhelming I can't contain myself >it's like I'm losing my mind >and besides that, that pleasure is also building up... >my anus, my rectum and my prostate are engorging with pleasure >suddenly hear my friend groaning >I realize I'm giving him an orgasm with my ass and he's shooting his hot load in me >this crazy thought makes my prostate finally explode >holyshitwhatthefuckishappeningtome >a series of 5-6 contractions of extremely strong pleasure spreads through my rectum in all directions >times stops, my brain shuts down >collapse on the couch, shaking >feel something wet and sticky on my stomach >I ejaculated all over the couch without noticing >friend is really pissed off about that >go shit his semen in the toilet and come back to wash mine out of the couch >go to school the next day like nothing happened >never saw him again after graduating >never talked about it to anyone >stalked him on fb recently >he has a girlfriend >still wondering if he told her he lost his virginity in my ass
>>528481417 >Be me and friend >have keys to HS and go in after hours sometimes for fooling around etc >one time smell hot 8th grade girls gym clothes It was pretty hot and smelled as good as I thought they would he did some weird shit as well and often went to the girls locker rooms alone...
>taking a graphic design class in high school in 9th grade >The teacher we had at the start of the semster quit two weeks in >his replacement is this uptight Mexican dude >instead of graphic design he started teaching his architect bullshit >treats it like it is a college class and yells at us because a bunch of fucktarded high school students can't do the assignments designed for a third year college students >half the class is failing >I am passing but one of my friends is not >he wants top get back >be decent at computers at this age. >tell him how disable the password on the teachers computer and send in to a place at had cp , /b/ about year years ago now, to plant on the teachers computer. >we report it >teacher gets in trouble >teacher union is so strong he keeps his job
idk, I am still conflicted about the whole thing today. On one hand nothing too bad happened to him, on the other five gigs of cp on a high school teacher's computer should have got him fired ....
When I was in 8th grade I decided to give my bitchy history teacher who was always known to bring a mug of hot chocolate. We had her for study hall and she left the room to use the bathroom. Me and my friend P&^* crush up some exlax and run up to the hot chocolate to dump it in. My friend stirred it up as much as he could. We retreated back to our seats.
Two periods later she bolted from the classroom and she took twenty minutes. My friend in that study hall said she came back and said she was " sick" and she continued to leave every 5 minutes during that period.
>Be me, 16 years old (Junior in HS), riding the bus to school like I always did >Was kind of a loner, didn't talk to many people >Also had a liking for weed >A lot of weed >I mean, A LOT, everyday would have five or more smoke sessions >Anyways, I was on the bus one morning >Insanely high >This new 1/10 girl gets on the bus >She is the exact definition of hideous >She has these... red boils or something, covering her arms, face, etc >Bridging onto 400 pounds I would've guessed >Terribly unkempt, from a little bit away you can tell she doesn't like showers >But anyhow, she gets on the bus >Me and another kid are the only ones with open seats on the bus >She sees that my seat is far in the back, so she sits there
>>528510627 >Oh god why is she sitting here >Why >She comes over and sits down >Her backpack is full of school shit >She doesn't take it off, but instead sits off the side of the seat like a god damn moron >Sitting here listening to Metallica at full blast, not saying a word to anyone >Finally, she looks to me and goes "HAI MAH NAME ITH ASHREY" >Oh Jesus Christ no she has a mental handicap >I stare at her for a little, not knowing what to say >Finally tell her "Hi" then go back to my music >Sitting in complete silence >Devising a plan to get away from her >Stumped
>>528510763 Funny story, a girl that transferred to my school left her last school because she was out drinking and some guys put laxative in her drink. I ended up hooking up with her and telling everyone she raped my morning wood because I didn't want to admit it.
>be in 11th grade >Walking back from the bathroom when I hear loud footsteps and yelling >This massive tard takes the corner with two tard guards in hot pursuit >I get the fuck outta the way and be blazes past me leaving the scent of oatmeal in his wake >He runs down the hallway full sprint leaving the tardguards far behind >He comes up to a corner and instead of slowing down to make the turn he rams straight into it, The sound was horrifying, a Huge pop. He bounces backwards and falls limp on the ground >The two tard guards start yelling and swearing in shock >They get to his side and he isn't moving >Quickly afterwards security shows up and I laugh because the head of security ran around the same corner and looked even more retarded then the kid that hit the wall >I'm quickly ushered away from the area and an ambulance is brought in >I never saw him again but they said that he was ok
>be 15 >be in freshman year >friend gets key from theater club >uses it to get more keys, eventually master key >we break into high school at night >spray paint, break shit tonne of glass >generally fuck shit up, especially teachers we didn't care for at the time >next day they call off classes >bring in hazmat, supposedly we released lead into the air and duct work. >everyone laughs thinking it was senior prank, couldn't possibly be pussy freshmens or sophomores >tfw it was two freshmen
ended up getting busted thanks to my friend, pretty crazy shit
another story, but from somewhere around grade 6-8, I was in one of those k to 8 schools. It was a private school. I lived in a shitty part of the city and so was the school, but private is private as far as my parents were concerned >I was in grade around grade 6-8. >I walked home almost everyday, with my sister which is about 15 min from home walking >have to go through one of the worse neighborhoods >during spring I start seeing a bunch of indians riding bikes, they are the niggers of Canada, and so are niggers >One of them starts mouthing off to me hey whitey and all that jazz >I stop, "what did you just say?" >he starts throwing his hands into gang signs and starts spewing shit out of his mouth >i notice a half way decent bike laying on his stairs, "hey that's my bike" >his eye opens wide, "ohh fuck" skeets up the stairs inside his house >I open the fence and take the bike, ride it home, changes my trip from 15 min to 10 min >leave the bike in our garage off they alley, parents don't know about it >they drive me to school in the morning and I do the same thing day after day for basically the whole year >I do it to different indians, just cause. Sometimes they took their bikes in sometimes they just ran >some wanted to fight, and since they usually were in packs I left them be >Then in jr, high my parents tell me we are moving to a better neighborhood. >They start getting everything read to sell and open the garage, >WTF where did all these bikes come from >My parents have no idea, since they haven't been in there for half a decade, since it was barely wide enough for a family car. >there are over a hundred bikes >they ask each other, then me and my sister >I keep stupid, but have an idea >I start selling bikes online on Kijiji, Canadian Craiglist >sell bikes between 50 - 150$, make almost 2 grand. >i know I sold some bikes to some of the indians I sold it from, richest kid in jr. high for last year of school.
I've got something you guys may like. >Be me in middle school >I don't even like my classmates because they're all pretty fucking stuck up >I had bean and chorizo tacos that morning >They were delicious >I also sit on the row furthest from the teacher's desk >I've got a titan building up >I let it rip >silently >My entire row smelt it first >Fucking horrible >It took the teacher a good five minutes to calm the class down >She resumes teaching >The chain starts soon after >The row next to me suffered next >I thought the guy sitting next to me was about to blow chunks >Again, the teacher is faced with the challenge of calming my classmates >Minutes later the next row is hit >The students are out of control >Sounded a little like a zoo >Soon after, the next row is hit >Kids are getting out of their seats to get away from the smell >The teacher is through, and decides to go to her desk >They eventually sit back down >Soon after the last row and the the teacher's desk are both hit >She can't cope >She leaves the classroom >SHE FUCKING LEFT >lols were had when I got home MFW They never figured out it was me
>>528511524 >Slowly my mind fades from me >Still high, begin to stare out the window >In the middle of my happytimes she chokes out some more words >In the voice of three screechy elephants having a threesome, in the midst of orgasm she screams >"WHAT ARE YOU LIFTENING TO?" >The whole bus is completely silent now >Everyone just sitting there >People around me and retard waiting for my reply >I tell her "Metallica." >She stares at me with such concentration >Like if someone were to ask her a simple math problem >I sigh >"It's a band." >"OH HEHEHEHEUHUEHUEHEHEHAA" >Why me
>>528512457 >Back to silence >After some more silence she finally says >"DO YOU LIKE WIW WAYNE???" >I politely tell her "I don't exactly care for him, no, sorry." >She gives me that same mother fucking look again >Seriously, it was like someone just explained the whole Da Vinci Code to her in German >She then proceeds to scream >"YOU DON'T WIKE WIW WAYNE?? ARE YOU WETARDED??" >I'm just awe struck >Slowly, I look around, not replying to her >The only other empty seat is directly to my right >There's a retard I already had the pleasure to talk to in it >Devises plan to make retards attract
>be in 10th grade >Been having stomach cramps the past few days but finally feel a bit better >I get up to sharpen my pencil and let loose a pretty small silent fart, sharpen my pencil and sit back down >Soon a ruckus starts and people start coughing and gagging >It spreads until It hits me, It was the most vial smell I ever smelled >This girl started to cry and we had to leave the classroom >After the room cleared out we went back in and the school nurse followed >She proclaimed that whoever farted is seriously ill and needs medical attention >I never admitted to the vial fart of 08 and I felt just fine since
>>528510554 got suspended for 14 days because she was a christian scientist and they don't even believe in taking tylenol. THe only reason i didnt get expelled is because i lied and said it wasn't exlax it was the all natural laxative sennacot
>>528513383 >I thought about how I could make them like each other >Or how I could somehow convince her to move >Still really high >All I can think about is her getting away from me >Without even thinking, I put my foot up to her side >Just a little side note, at age 16 I wore size 15 shoes, so you can imagine how much of my foot is taking up of her side >With strengths from the gods and everything that is holy, I kick her into the seat across from me >As she gets lashed back into the seat, she hits the other retard >Now, this one is named Jarod, he was a feisty little fucker too
Lets talk about Jarod for just a second..
>This kid was king of the tards at my school >Every other retard feared him >He was the coolest kid in the school, through their eyes, at least >Jarod was never any good at "learning" >The concept couldn't come to him >He would get mad in the middle of class and rip his paper up >Or he would run out of class, slap a wall, then leave the school building >He also reeked of a hot, chili, 4 hour splatter dump
That's all you need to know of him for the next event, but is anyone even reading?
>be senior moving to a new school >fml because I was somewhat popular at my old school >end up with drama geek crowd >one day out of nowhere some reporter chick comes up to us to talk about 9/11 >completely bullshit a story of how my uncle died in the plane crash >making it as emotional as possible >reporter girl starts to tear up >everyone at my table is trying not to laugh (forgot to mention im a sand nigger) >she leaves in tears and says thank you >next day i see my story in school newsletter >mfw
and later that year i was voted funniest Arab in the yearbook.
>>528514640 >I end up watching as Jarod's face fills to a dark red >He did NOT like to be touched >He stands up, cutting Ashley off in mid sentence >She looks back at him, with the same look of confusion as before >With the screech of a billion retards, he screams an almighty >"GET OUTTA MAH SEAT!" >He lifts Ashley up and throws her into the bus aisle >Her backpack explodes everywhere >Papers everywhere, everyone is freaking out, Ashley is sobbing at an uncontrollable level >Me being the dick that I am, I burst out into laughter >Everyone starts laughing >She is just horrified >The bus stops >The bus driver stands up and walks back there >I'm still laughing like a goddamn idiot
>>528481417 Not fucked up, but the highlight of my short highschool experience.
>start of 10th grade >be notorious pervert (/b/tard since 13) >do kinky shit at school, crossdress, wear ropes under clothes, ect. >backpack full of sex toys, ropes, whatever >get together in cafeteria one day afterschool with a few buddies >starts off innocent enough, just chilling, listening to hardstyle >more friends start drifting in >start pulling out toys for entertainment >I duel a friend wielding a vibrator with a whip >we tie a cute upperclassman down to a table, girls all over him >tie a curvy freshman girl in a turtle shell, hand behind back >I lose track of the situation, as I'm pulled away by a girl and we're making out >someone got a hold of my duct tape, and the tied up girl is taped all over and gagged >at this point the supervising teacher tells us to tone it down >sadly, we comply >next day called into office with a bunch of others >everything was caught on school cameras >bag searched, pocket knife, zero tolerance, b& >had to explain concept of BDSM to administration with a big chain around my neck, fucking lol >went to online school while vacationing in florida, then took full-time college courses when I came back >0 fucks
>>528516042 >Finally I notice the bus driver walking back there >Ashley tells him what I did >He comes back to me to yell >He's going on about some stuff about morals or whatever >He stops >Is he done? >Asks me >"Son, are you high?" >ohshitohshitohshit >"No sir" >"Your eyes are red to hell and you're slurring!" >He gets on his little phone and calls the school >Talks to them for a little at the front of the bus >Walks to the back of the bus and tells me >"Son, we're gonna have to bring in actual authority." >ohno >I have a dime bag of chronic in my pocket
>>528487337 >Threw the poorest kid in school's bag into a deep puddle of mudwater and ruined it >Destroyed a ramp that was a disabled girl's only way of getting into maths class Okay those are a little bit too far. Fucking with someone because of something they cant help is seriously a dick move.
>>528516715 >He goes back to the front of the bus >First thing to run through my mind is >Plant it on someone else >So, taking advantage of all the confusion going on from the war of the extra chromosome >I look around for bags >I notice a big pink bag with butterflies on it on the ground >It's Ashley's >DING >Slide bag of chron in as far as it can go >Gets all the way to the bottom >I sit back in my seat and wait >The cops finally show up >I get questioned, since I have nothing on me they couldn't do shit >They question the bus driver about all the paper on the bus and the fallen retard >Yes, Ashley has yet to stand up at this point
>Have access to teachers department when no one is around >5/10 milf teacher >take creep shots of her >Rub my dick all over a bunch of her stuff >steal her hand sanitizer >cum in it >the cum is obviously visible >never return the hand sanitizer >mfw I almost got caught with my dick out of my pants in the teachers department
>>528517403 >Ashely is still in the aisle of the bus, crying lightly (for a change) into her sleeve >The cops go to the back and ask her what was wrong >The two cops and Ashley leave the bus >A little time passes and they return >Jarod ends up getting expelled for throwing Ashley after about a month of discussion >They start to clean up all the papers and books >First cop is at the front of the bus, second is in the center, and Ashley is in the back >She's not even picking up her own shit >God damn retard >Anyways, they continue to pick stuff up for about five minutes until.. >"Doug. I got green over here."
Sorry this is taking so long for those of you that are reading, but its worth it
>be 14 >be on exchange program in foreign country (whole class exchange) >go to school disco.slowdancing with girls. Kinda shy. >walking with friend and our host teen home >see a cool tree on the way home. >climb it, goof around >a group of 5 girls comes walking by >pretend to be stoned >start acting really fucking stupid >girls are intrigued for some reason >tell them we have more joints at the hosts house >now two of these girls were the cutest girls from our class >9/10, sweet, cute. One with long blonde hair and a nice round >they both had boyfriends but they were in a different city >classmate and I shoot each other a glance >he says: "we've got more joints, you want to try?" >I add: "they're at the house, just 5 minutes from here >the girls seem apologetic "we want to, but we have to be home soon" >so we go home, still pretending to be stoned >get to his house. Watch night runs of south park >holy shit s01e01 this shit is funny. >Watch more of his taped episodes, including chocolare salty balls song. >knock knock >after the girls got home, they sneaked out. >just the blonde cutie and a local girl that was a little mousy >"where's the joints?" >shit shit shiy >go to study, steal a cigarette pack from the hosts dad and use scissors to cut two cigs open >try to reroll it like it was just made >present it to girls >sneak out back to crazy tree >light the "joint" >girls start behaving in a similar stupid way like the friend and I did >start laughing at everything we do or say >start singing chocolate salty balls >suddenly in the middle I forget the words >start singing 1000 clowns not the greatest rapper instead >blonde girl starts to sing the female chorus (that's just "okay" in a sexy way) >hang out a little longer. Girl and I start touching each other secretly >see my friend do the same thing to the mousy girl >host just kinda hangs out dissappointedly >go back to his house >suggest to try to sleep Contd
> Be me in 11th grade > Just heard about Russian arm wrestling (look it up if you don't know what it is) > Sit across from that one stupid kid everyone hates in the cafeteria > Ask him if he has heard of Russian arm wrestling before > He said no > Give a short, but fake, demonstration with a friend > He tries it > Punches himself in the face > Gets a bloody noes > His Aunt works at the main office > Turns out he was really cool about it and told her that it was just a random nosebleed > Everything turned out better than expected
>>528518136 >They go up to each other and examine the pot >In my mind I'm floating off >They talk for ten to twenty minutes and finally one of them comes to the back of the bus with dogs >Fuck >Luckily, I didn't have anything anymore >The dogs start sniffing around all the way to the back of the bus >They sniff Ashley without knowing that was her bag >The dog goes nut shit >The officers run back there at the speed of light and search Ashley >It turns out she had a bag of kush in her pocket already >They take her home in a police car that day >It's still not over >The next day, people are freaking out about Ashley >I ask around >Turns out, her mom and dad we're drug dealers, and they had insane amounts of narcotics and weed in their house >They got arrested, and apparently Ashley got put into foster care >I got high, kicked a retard, framed a retard, and almost got fucked in the process
Some good times. I was never even questioned after that point, and I still don't know what's happened to Ashley.
>started t get popular with a 8 and 9/10 group of girls >chilling with the hottest one >where laughing our ass over something >out of he blue she takes my hand and asks if i would go out with her >... >i fucking give her the finger and say fuck no >i walk off >face red >what the actual fuck did i just do still think about it and regret it
>be me >second year of high school >catching the bus home >see some woman with fish and chips getting into her car >throw apple out of the window >apple literally exploded into pieces as it hit the side of her face >the force makes her stumble and drop her fish and chips everywhere >didnt get in trouble some other bus did
>>528484054 And then you got arrested and put into jail
Or made up a story about what you wished you'd done in hs besides be a fat, rude, skittish neck breather who people were so disgusted by that they'd rather kill themselves than eat anything that he'd prepared.
I still have the bong. Anything I could replace the funnel for the weed with? It's made of plastic so after a couple of uses it deteriorated. Using it again would certainly bring in some highschool nostalgia
>>528518925 I'm a senior dating a freshman. As long as you've had a girl before and neither you nor her are ugy loners, nobody really gives a fuck. A couple people might razz you about it a little but it's fucking high school, kids fuck with you over every haircut, new pair of shoes, and shirt you wear. Or maybe it's different in smaller schools.
>>528481417 dane bonfett was a total asshole > he was hitting on my girlfriend, now my fiance > in lunch line with her > trying to piss me off he hits on her from the other side of me > i smile and lightbulb > act like im flattered and interested, like hes hitting on me > i look like a jock but i was a /b/tard back then too so i was kinda messed up > act like i want to fag him > he knows im not gay because girlfriend > tries "get away from me fag" > i pinch my nipple and bite my lip, moaning loud enough people look > gf trying not to laugh, gay guy i know comes over and asks if he has lube or if he wants to borrow some dane killed himself a year later and mentioned this happening in his suicide note, his sister hit me when i laughed at it. good times
This was sophomore year of Highschool Spooning >Grab as many spoons as we can from the cafeteria >Sneak up behind kids silently >Try to slip a spoon in their pocket without them feeling it >leave it in there >They find it later and get totally confused as to how they have a spoon in their pocket It was retarded, but funny at the time, now for the good stuff.
Launching >Grab a ziplock because we bring home lunch >fill it with air, but enough that it is still flexible. >it becomes a blob, like the ones people use on lakes where one person jumps down and launches the other person >put carrot in one end, smack the other end >baby carrots flu across the cafeteria like tracer rounds >kids get smacked in the back of the head by carrots traveling at light speed. >friend ends up hitting a kid who is allergic to carrots of all things >gets in trouble
Launching II >we graduated the launching of carrots and skittles to bouncy balls >2x the fun >launch a bouncy ball out of blob >flys at warp speed, hits the ground and bounces around the cafeteria hitting multiple targets. >double the damage >launch the "purple monster" Cont?
>be in highschool >be pretty good looking >have girls flirt with me >ignore them completely >go out with 3/10 senior year >break up after graduation >look back on all the chances I've had >maybe I'm gay
>score a date with 7/10 cute little asian chick >want her to think I'm cool and edgy >bring her to local theater for a movie >have a friend pass in a microwave through the fire exit (welfare theater, no alarm) >plug in to outlet under screen >proceed to make us some microwave popcorn >fat theater owner bursts in >waddles hurriedly down the aisle oshit, he's mad as fuck >kicks us out, keeps my moms fucking microwave >few weeks later, joined the army >never saw lisa-marie again
I went back to that theater not long ago. Sand niggers own it and a mouse ran across the bottom of the screen. The years have slipped by, my home town is in decay
>be me in 9th grade health >big ass motherfucker, still am >6'1 220 pounds at the time >hated stupid anthem and standing up for it >"please stand for the playing of our anthem" >decide not to >some itty bitty asshole decides to try and make me >grabs bottom of chair legs and pulls/tilts me out on to ground >fall on ground, him and his mates have a good laugh >urdunkid.jpeg >stand up and walk over to him >ask him if he regrets what he just did >"lel fuck uu" and flips me off >him and his mates laugh >smack him in the back of the head >he gets mad and stands up, tries to be intimidating >wrap my arm around his neck,pull his face into my chest >swing my body back then whip him forward, send him flying >cracks his chin off a table, then rolls off and hits his head on the ground >lays on the ground for a second with his eyes closed >after a second he rolls onto his hands and knees to get up >kick him hard in the ribs and he falls back down >my buddy on the other side of the room shouts at me >"Anon he's had enough" >ask if he regrets it now, then sit down teacher wasn't in room, never got in troue pretty tame but its what I got
>>528519530 I use the bong piece from my acrylic bong, id suggest using a socket wrench socket, especially if you get screens. Screens are definitely worth it I bought 3 bags (of 5 each) for 2 dollars at my smoke shop
>be me, junior, 16 >im a t/a for special ed class last period >theres also a senior t/a with me whos solid 10/10, we'll get back to her >this kid named jacob has an unreal obsession with girls feet >every time he goes to the bathroom or gets water i have to accompany him in case he decides to rush a girl and fuck with her feet >one day jacob decides to dip from class >teacher starts panicking >"anon, take carly with you go track him down" >give him double thumbs up, say "you got it boss" >we walk around for about five minutes before we see it >a full out attack on the populace >there are about three girls all wearing gym shorts and tank tops with literally flip flops and/or no shoes making posters on a bench by the cafeteria >about thirty feet from them is one of our campus monitors in a golf cart >between both of them is jacob, eyes locked on and hands charging >i dont even hesitate, run over to jacob >its too late, hes already wrist deep in their shit >i can only stop and watch as the campus monitor hits him with the golf cart >he flies a good three feet as the females and i watch in awe >mfw he gets up with one of the girls flip flops in hand and takes off running to the office like a fucking gorilla
>>528519727 another lunch line one > waiting on asian girl darla who is picking the white cheese out of a mixed cheese ben > ask "hey darls...what the fuck are you doing?" > "yerrow cheese is bad for you" > get bored of waiting, grab cheese with hand > drop cheese on plate, go to leave > jabba the hutt comes flying from the kitchen > "jala bookiolokanna no cheese with hands or waka noko han solo" > i laugh at the bitch > she flips the fuck out and writes me detention > later called to the principles office > apparently the hut was so mad that she only wrote "cheese" on the slip > i dont explain > get to leave due to lack of explanation
>be me >be sophomore in hs >be in gym class >guess what day it is >that's right >it's penis inspection day >instructor sorts us into a couple lines based on last name >get put towards the back >talking to my friends whilst waiting in line >suddenly.gif >get to front of line >"next" >wut >"next, please" >holy tits >nurse is fucking hot 10/10 blond girl with massive fucking tits >like seriously >fucking melons on her chest >anyways >walk over to sexy nurse >"pull down your pants, honey" >calls me honey >BONER.jpeg >pop a boner in the middle of fucking class >nurse giggles, inspects me >"ok, you're all set" >walk away >didnt even get her number >mfw
>had a competition with a friend to see who could steal the most ping pong balls in table tennis in PE >collect 100 at least >keep them in my school bag >some faggot grasses me up to dumb ass PE teacher >comes out with a pingpongball bucket for me to put stolen balls in >fill up first bucket >he said "that's a lot of balls" or somtheing like that >fill up second bucket >"gee that's a lot" >half fill 3rd bucket and only get made to do litterpicking instead of suspention for "stealing school property" because the teacher liked me
>>528518185 >We go to bed. Three beds, one room. >two girls, two guys and a beta host too timid to say anything >shit shit shit I don't know what to do next >I don't want to wreck their relationship >the guy is alright >I'm in bed (with clothes), under the covers with one of the cutest girls I've seen >being a fucking lancelot >resolving in my heart not to do something wrong >she asks me: "what are you thinking about" >I don't want to answer truthfully >maybe a superficial answer? >the airconditioning made my mouth feel dry >"I have dry lips" >she giggles and kinda licks her lips "me too" >took me a day to figure out how she misinterpreted me >fuck fuck fuck what now? >try to do something before I spaghetti all over the place >friend and mousy girl are kissing and dryhumping like crazy >I say "wait two minutes, then come to the bathroom" >she says "okay" just like the song >okay in the bathroom now. Don't actually have a plan. >take off my clothes >feel weird standing in the middle of the bathroom >go sit on the toilet >might as well take a piss >too nervous, also start to shit, by accident >hear her in the hallway >suddenly realize this is a shit situation and idea >no time to flush. Put the lid down and put my jeans on (no underwear or wiping) >she looks a little surprised to see me without a shirt >I may have been an insecure faggot, but high gymnastics and break dancing eid give me a nice body >I tell her to come over and let me hold her >she says "okay", again like the song >she kinda purses her lips and closes her eyes >she feels so soft, maybe I should kiss her? >feel her ass. Nice! Boner of the infinite. >she starts feeling my ass. Gets chunky stuff to come loose and I feel them falling down inside my jeans. >she still has this angelic eyes closed lips pursed look >okay, fuck it >just as I decide her face is contorted with disgust >"what's that smell?" >she opened the toilet and went "ewww!" Loud enough to wake my host parents >host mom comes in. Contd
>>528519718 maybe you live in a more enlightened part of the country, but in my school that wouldn't go unnoticed. when I dated a college chick for a good year my junior/senior she was teased for dating me until I turned 18
>Le me getting high in the props room behind the school stage, some cunts practising for stupid shit. snitching behind curtains and touch those near the cut with my dick and jumping in the props container before they can lift the curtain.
>senior year >Decide to smoke a bowl before school >Show up at school >See friend >Ahshithehigh.png >We start filming stuff for our senior video >Having awesome time >Need to find some bitch >Ask the detention teacher if she has seen her >Tells me to go to the detention room >I walk in >"Sam you are suspended" >What why >"We suspended you yesterday" >lolwut.jpg >Go to walk about the building >Peak head into the Resource officers office >MFW The princible, dentention teacher, and the police officer are in there >MFW they tell me to go to princible office >MFW they know i'm high >MFW Probation for 6 months
>>528521429 >I have to say I wasn't feeling happy. In aforeign country with jeans lined with shit on the inside >with a horrid stench >being caught without a shirt with the gf of a kindoff friend >they looked at my jeans >saw the noodly italian stuff seeping out of my pants >mother said "just clean it up, send them home and go to bed" in a stern voice >never heard anyone sound so dissapointed >girl said bye and left >she never told anyone as far as I know >although people did hear we ended up in bed >semi-friend starts giving me shit for over a year >girls seem to think I'm cooler now >fuck that. Who cares. I need to test my millstone deck. The end (will answer questions)
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