>loser, no friends, kissless virgin, late 20's
>spend all time indoors in front of computer
>have many coworkers
>always hanging out with friends, traveling, going to parties, talk about things they've seen on snapchat/facebook, doing interesting things themselves, most are confident, outgoing, "alpha" types
h-how do i compete with these people who are more interesting than me?... i just want a qt3.14 gf
Be more interestimg yourself. You obviously aren't getting that much life satisfaction from your indoors life in front of a computer, since you're longing for a gf. So try doing social things based around your interests, even if your interests are needy. For instance I had a flatmate a few years ago who was (genuinely) autistic and antisocial. He collected board games and never had anyone except me and our other flatmate to play them with, and then steadily alienated us to the point where we never even played with him. Then he started going to a board games meetup club thing a couple of nights a week. He found a gf there and moved out with some new friends he made. As far as I could tell he was still pretty miserable and weird, but he made progress according to his own goals I guess.
i don't even have any good interests. i watch films and read literature, that's about it. it seems like i can only really do solitary hobbies since i don't have friends.
whereas my coworkers have hobbies. some more than others. one of the guys who i worked with recently:
>good looking, confident, has funny stories (almost all about parties)
>plays a ton of sports
>has a large group of friends he does things with (road trip across america after graduating college)
>has a ton of other hobbies (hunting, DIY construction)
and i can't get into these without having friends to do them with (going to bars/clubs or traveling with friends) or show me how (e.g. hunting)
in terms of meetup, i have seen a boardgame one, and a few others that meet regularly and have people closer to my age. but i'm afraid of going there and have people finding out that i'm awkward as fuck and not be able to make friends
i'm most anxious around strangers tbqh
I don't like parties, large groups, sports or loud people and can still get laid, have gf and have people like me. I don't like telling stories either. You worry too much about what other people think of you and you're always going to be miserable trying to be someone else.
You sound like the prototypical neckbeard who just wants a woman in his life to be a sex toy. Guys like you are immediately obvious and creep women out.
Try treating women like people, you'll probably have much better luck if you're not like a huge fatass or horribly ugly.
Just going by what I see around coworkers, the guys who have stories are generally the ones people like
I'm socially awkward too, and quiet, which doesn't help me either
I don't think I creep people out..
If you are to cowardly to put yourself out in the world, you will never make friends or have those interesting stories, or get laid. Yes it might go badly instead. You take that risk or you wither and die on 4chan.
Do or do not. Everything else is an excuse.
I did not do any of that in my 20's
I stopped caring. I've learned social media tends to amplify to make things seem prettier than they really are. In a physical sense, look at how people filter pictures, then in real life, they have the worst acne.
Then again, it's a double edged sword. If you stop caring, you can also stop potentially caring about your health like going to the gym when the rest of your alpha friends pressured you to do so in the beginning.
>Seemingly unpopular opinion
If you have no friends, any worthwhile girl looking for a healthy relationship will see this as a red flag. I would work on developing a social circle or a few friends first. I wouldn't want to date somebody with absolutely no friends. Thats far more unhealthy than not having a girlfriend
If you're happy to stay the way you are, then you're going to stay uninteresting, and your chances of getting a girlfriend are slim (mostly because you're doing fuck all in your life).
If you're willing to change your ways and become more interesting, then there's a chance you'll get the girlfriend you want.
It's really up to you
They're interesting because they open up their minds to new situations often and become shaped by said experiences, making them complex, interesting, functional people.
You're essentially rotting your interesting bits of your brain by monotonously doing the same thing everyday. Your neural pathways are getting strong in only one area, instead of expanding.
If you want to change, get out there and make yourself vulnerable. It's uncomfortable, but objectively worth it.
what can i do differently? there aren't many things i can do alone
i even list some of the things my coworkers do, like here >>16883190, i don't know how i can do those things by myself
apart from hanging out with friends: for example, going to parties, trying new restaurants, seeing live sports, there is not much else my coworkers do alone
Congratulations on being fooled by social networks, which exist mainly to create envy
you now desire what these people have and are willing to spend money on it and thus those shitheel businesses are prepared to make a fortune off you and your pathetic kind
i don't even use any social networks (i assume you're referring to online networks).. i'm just lonely and notice what other people have ;_;
>i don't even have any good interests. i watch films and read literature
Those are perfectly good interests, you just need to learn how to talk to people about them.
>i'm most anxious around strangers tbqh
Work on this and eventually it will just flow.
>Those are perfectly good interests, you just need to learn how to talk to people about them.
this is true, as i'm not good at this.
even if i ignore them, i'll still be me, and won't be interesting to others
others describing their weekend:
>I did X with friends (replace X with: going to a bar, restaurant, birthday/wedding, concert, etc.)
me describing my weekend:
>I watched a couple of movies
lol ok ill tell you what's going to happen
>you get some friends
>you go to some concert or whatever
>it's fun but you realize it's not worth the effort, money, or time because it's actually not all that fun and you're lying to yourself
>you go back to doing what you did before
If OP is anything like me, those few moments spent with other (non-bastard mind you) people, are pretty fun and enjoyable.
Feeling like a fifth wheel or realizing it wasn't that long is what would get me down.
I'm sorry, but you and your friends come off as autistic retards
What the fuck are you doing with your life that a guy that just hangs around parties and follows people on facebook ends up being more interesting than you?
How have you not grown some kind of superiority complex being surrounded by people this simple?
Why do you count that as successful? Because they get more women?
I genuinely don't understand. Maybe I'm autistic or something.
>>it's fun but you realize it's not worth the effort, money, or time because it's actually not all that fun and you're lying to yourself
how do i know it's not all that fun? isn't getting friends and a gf better than being alone?
i think you're misreading posts
>What the fuck are you doing with your life that a guy that just hangs around parties and follows people on facebook ends up being more interesting than you?
i don't understand where you're getting this. a guy goes to parties and has stories from these parties.
>Why do you count that as successful? Because they get more women?
they have a social life and spend their time doing things with friends instead of sitting in front of the computer, and they get women
At certain points you'll run into anons who'll misinterpret you cos it cuts close to the bone or they're extremely autistic who don't realize that human beings are social animals.
you're a gay loser if you beat yourself over the head with such trivial shit
I'd rather hang out with an autistic retard who fucks bodypillows with a plushie sonic head taped to the top of it, who confidently loves their hobbies, than someone who's mind is in the normie social game + failing at it.
You seem like the type of shitty human who would judge others if they weren't getting women/ getting tons of friends, based off how you judge yourself.
Stop caring dude, literally no one is keeping count but you. You are not depraving joy from your life by not fitting into a perfect margin.
He's talking about his friend who has stories from all the parties he goes to
I understood that
How the fuck would anyone find someone like that interesting.
How is the bar that low for OP, and he still feels intimidated by his friends who get women.
Does he just want sex? Why not hire prostitutes?
Does he want love? Why would he want party-goers/ promiscuous people in his life?
Sex is a pretty pointless end goal to feel pressured into having to do.
And if you come at me saying "that's what humans were built for"
I guess there's no such thing as pursuit for happiness, goals, dreams, desires for meaningful connections
Nope! It just ends at sex
Honestly if OP wants to do himself a favour, he'd separate himself from these friends, focus on his strengths/ what makes him difference, exaggerate those qualities/ use them for something, and use that hobby as some sort of outlet to find likeminded people.
Because if you're honestly interested in the SAME shit as party-goers talking about their weekend and nothing more- it's literally a matter of getting off your ass and just going.
There's a high implication that he's not really wired to do that stuff naturally, which is why he should just shut that nagging feeling out of his life and just focus on some productive stuff that will individuate him from the crowd.
>How the fuck would anyone find someone like that interesting?
There's that 4chan superiority complex again. Look, people like OP and me lack (almost) any experience outside our very small sphere of vidya and tv, the party-guy is just the most visible one.
>I guess there's no such thing as pursuit for happiness, goals, dreams, desires for meaningful connections Nope! It just ends at sex
No, you're misinterpreting him again. It's not really the sex, or lack of, that is annoying, it's the social hurdles/milestones you have to pass to get there, being a virgin in your late 20s and over is usually an indicator of being socially awkward generally.
I grew up with practically no friends, but I've harboured like so many god damn skills, "talents", and knowledge, despite growing up in a poor shitty household.
They all pertain to digital media, and they unintentionally led me to some niches that can individuate me.
Has he SERIOUSLY not done anything else besides vidja and some reading?
This is really for everyone but nootropics for social anxiety are legit as fuck, namely phenibut. Designed to ease the anxiety of Cosmonauts blasting through the stratosphere while retaining mental accuity. Also works just as well for easing the anxiety of meeting new people.
I am 19 and kissless as well, and I could use some /adv/ as to how to start a relationship.
HOWEVER I do have some hobbies: I play guitar, I sing with a church group, and I lift. These are all things that OP could also do if he wanted to be somewhat more "interesting", though obviously they haven't helped me much since I lack confidence.
I should add that I've only ever asked one girl out, and she gave me the standard "I just want to be friends" reply so I might have waited too long or something, I really don't know what I'm doing.
i know women love to say that guys who want a girlfriend are all evil, terrible users who deserve to be alone forever, but let's try to give some constructive input here please.
he said he has no friends, so at this point it's clear if he treated a woman the way he treats "people" he would be all but ignoring them.
Try being funny. There are two types of interesting.
Those who do interesting things
Those who are creative enough to invent interesting things
Take comedians for example. There are the pure story people like Jim Jefferies who doesn't inject much opinion or creativity into his interesting stories. And they're usually only interesting because he did drugs or was drunk. Or the more abstract and creative like Daniel Tosh or Bill Burr who shape their stories around their opinions and make a nonstory into a story.
But isn't change without purpose meaningless?
It seems so vapid to go to do *certain* things just for the purpose of having done them.
I'd take working out, reading, writing, and practicing music or a new language every day of the week over going out to do "exciting" things.
Its just another materialistic appeal to stimulation rather than a a skill that is intrinsically nurturing.
> I'd take working out, reading, writing, and practicing music or a new language every day of the week over going out to do "exciting" things.
You do realize you can do that and every now and again you can do something exciting or go somewhere?
I know it's standard 4chan routine to shit on things which anons think are beneath them but come on...
If going out to "de club" comes at the expense of finishing a short story I would ALWAYS take finishing that story.
Yes they aren't mutually exclusive, but doing both half-assed is never going to be as fulfilling as either one whole-heartedly. That's what I mean.
It may seem like a false dichotomy, but it seems like a pathetic concession of will-power to choose to abandon self-development just so that you can get the chance of being laid once a week.
By all means go out to a big party every few months, or spend a day of the weekend out and about. But those situations are socially fixated, and primarily with male bonding. Way more preferable imo.
Man look, if you're comfortable spending the vast majority of your time alone doing something "nurturing", cool. You realize that learning a new language is benefited from going to foreign places or just socializing with other people who speak the language, right? Whether it in a club or otherwise?
Yes they aren't mutually exclusive, but doing both half-assed is never going to be as fulfilling as either one whole-heartedly. That's what I mean.
Man no-one's asking people to go on round the year drug binges, just a couple of weeks to take time off and relax.
The only answer is to go out and try different things, even if you don't think you'll like it. You might actually enjoy it.
Like for example, I used to think that country music sucked. But every time I went out with my friend, he'd put the country music station on every time in his car. Long story short, I began to like it and it's now my go to station on my work commute. And now I have country music to talk about with women.
The more you practice at something the better you will be at it. If you don't practice being social, you will never get out of your anxiety or even fake self confidence. Just like I won't get any slimmer if I don't start excercise more.
Just fucking ask to hang out with the guys whom you want to be like. Guy who has girlfriend: yeah, we're going hunting this weekend. You: say, I've always wanted to go hunting. Do you think I could come with you? How can you expect to have man things, e.g. a girlfriend, if you can't even be man enough to ask a question? There is nothing weird about asking to tag along. I'm one of the guys that you write about and have had many guys ask to tag along or if they can come to a party etc. Unless it's specifically a thing for family or whatever it's the more the merrier. Shit doesn't just come to anyone. You have to go get it.
you can literally do anything by yourself, especially at first
but I'll list a few which have helped me get out of a somewhat similar situation where I was heading down a bad path
- language courses - literally forces you to talk to new people in a nice environment where you have something in common from day 1
- any kind of sport - even archery; anything you can go to courses for will also help (wall climbing for example is damn fun)
- go traveling solo and stay in hostels - easier way to get into random discussions and situations with random people you're most likely never meet again
- just go out to a quiet pub to read, since you said you like reading - you'll feel exposed but after like the 3rd time you'll enjoy the beer and quiet time outside
just start doing something, the first that comes to your mind, without thinking too much
that is, if you actually realize you have to start it yourself; this board won't help you as much as you think
imagine yourself after making it, it'll help
Not that guy but would you really be in a worse place then? And most people really aren't like this it's just easy to project your own self image onto the minds of others if you have low self-esteem.
You really have nothing to lose and if you keep a good attitude the experience can only be good.
>my brother has a friend who he barely knew for a long time
>one day dude comes up to him and basically says "hey I don't have any friends and it sucks can i hang out with you?"
>brother said sure why not.
>dude starts hanging out with him and his friends
>he becomes friends with all my brothers friends
>joins that social circle, meets more and more people
>today dude has lots of friends
Hell he's my friend too. No bullshit.
High school is when it would be awkward. In school there are clubs, classes, and cliques so not having a social group to just meld into would be weird. As we turn into adults we all recognise that things like getting friends and meeting new people is difficult because we no longer have those things that school facilitates. We all see that it is harder to find social opportunities and situations when we get older and so just asking the guys to hang out is less weird the older you get.
The third is THE thing.
#1 The first helps building the third. Cash per se is an attractor, but not as huge as it used to be. It is more the feeling of wealth that cuts the deal.
#2 Gym is important, especially for casual relationships. The myth girls don't look at bodies is bullshit. I myself like all sorts of girls (flatchested, young, older ones, etc.) but even a pig like me draws a line on chubby fatties assholes or loses a boner when faced with a depressed chick. Girls don't look at appearance when they fall in love. But does this happen all the time? No.
Basically, put them in your shoes: if you could fuck anybody, would you go for the beautiful one or the average one? Yes, I know there were some normies in your high school which you still fantasize about -- but those were chicks you were somehow acquainted with. Instead, try to think in broader terms:
>One night stand
>I can choose anybody, but have no idea about their personality
Answer is: beauty makes the difference in those situation where other info is not available.
This means you have the duty to take care of your body. I said gym because there is an enforced stereotype, but if you manage to take care of yourself in different ways (e.g. rock climbing) please do.
Also, fix your diet. Learn self-control... but don't go into the slippery slope of -isms (such as veganism, paleos, etc.) unless you're already into them. When I say "fix it" I don't mean: become obsessed. Just start being healthy. You cannot imagine what taking a good crap can help your day out.
[Cont. from >>16889801 ]
#3 As I said, self-confidence. #1 and #2 will build it, but if you feel completely in distress, try therapy. I'm not joking you. Why wouldn't you ask an expert to help you ameliorate your situation? If you need plumbing you call a plumber. If your thoughts are self-defeating, here you go.
Take also a chance to fix your OTHER shit. Not just shyness. If anxiety kills your mood or if you have mood swings, fixing them will help.
People around you will perceive a relaxed person and you will not suffer that damn mood swing when things are getting hotter.
i'm not sure how to increase #1, i make average pay. looking into side jobs, but don't see anything that can make me a good amount of extra cash
i do gym, not where i am yet in terms of goal body though, but getting there
i've been to one therapist, wasn't that helpful tbqh
Not the same anon but with regards to #2 what about those of us who aren't fat? I'm pretty thin because of genetics and because I don't overeat although I don't go to the gym at all. Obviously it never hurts to be more in shape but its not something I really care about working towards. I guess find a girl whose into the skinny look?
so be a loner without friends or a gf? that sounds like terrible advice
U sit behind the computer all day maybe go to a con? maybe u watch anime go to an anime con?
Anything gf won't appear in ur room suddenly.
I went to some video game cons and there a girl sit down next to me and we talked about League and she kinda liked me.Got my first love and kiss that day.It was a huge confidence boost.
If u wan't to get a gf u have to go to clubs,or something.Stop crying here.
You have two choises here:
1. Stop spending so much time in front of the computer, join a club or something and you'll meet a girl who HAS NOTHING OF ANY SORT OF INTEREST YOU HAVE, get dumped and kill yourself.
2. Go on a dating site, like, OKCupid, find someone who has similar interests as you
It's quite obvious OP only thinks of women as something to objectify. I mean.. Every fucking reply he makes has some outrageous attention whore images posted in them.. And the sole reason behind the entire fucking post is
>i just want a qt3.14 g
You've literally pushed yourself into the retard corner over years OP, and you can't even do the most simple thing and back out of it. Stay in your fucking room dude. You obviously don't want to help yourself. You just want some easy pussy.
this must be one of the most redundant threads I've seen in a while