I am 38 femanon. I never had a relationship before as I was very introverted and didn't really had a social life. Now that I moved to a new city, I am trying to change that. Is love possible at an older age? Is it very odd that I've never had a relationship? Should I lie and say that I've had a relationship or two in the past?
>inb4 you are too old, you are abnormal, you are stuck with men who are single for a reason, captain hindsight would tell you that you've been native, etc.
I don't feel like posting a pic here
>complete sperg with people
I won't say that I am a "complete sperg" but I won't call myself a normie either (to use an /r9k/ term). I have very few friends and spend most of my time at home but it's not like I am impolite or lack social skills. I can socialise properly when necessary, but obviously I will not suddenly become very out-going with lots of things to say or whatever.
When people say "all the good guys are already taken" they really mean it. Look for recently-divorced men who, hopefully, were not in the wrong in their past relationship. Expect fathers, but look for those that treat their children well. Alternatively, make the earth-moving effort to seek out and procure one of those fellow anti-social people who are steady and childless. This will require online communication.
Hey, you seem like a nice girl, wish we could be Friends. What hobbies do you have?
Also, dont worry , you can find love at your age. Sometimes it takes a little more time but it can be done. Good luck
Btw, dads are easy to land. Nobody wants to deal with the ex wife. No childless woman wants to rear the offspring of another's loin. There are plenty of wonderful single fathers out there in your age range who literally did nothing wrong and just want love and companionship and somebody to maybe cook for their kids when they come over. That last part is a bit of a warning sign because it means he's lazy and doesn't care about making others happy, but they're usually not too bad beyond that.
>they really mean it
So all is hopeless?
I don't mind being a stepmother. Is being a stepmother really that bad?
I used to have no hobbies but now I like reading, learning new languages, etc.
Serious answer with true story.
I am a 45 yo guy. 7 years ago I met a 38 yo woman via an Internet site. We had amazing common interests and fell in love. It was kinda long distance, trans-continental actually.
She was a virgin with a lot sexual insecurities which we talked through and over time and a lot of erotic writing she eventually dropped her inhibitions and healed.
Eventually we met and everything we hoped came true. I tenderly took her virginity and she discovered she loved giving and receiving oral, she really loved my cock, still gives me boners and shivers of delight when I think of her.
We spent many delightful hours discovering the joy of intimacy as we travelled the west coast and Mexico.
Then after my contract was over I went back home to my wife.
She got over it and since we'd overcome her sexual intimacy issues she found someone and got married within a year. We still write occasionally.
So yes it's possible. Just don't carry any baggage. Baggage is a big red flag to people old enough to know what a burden it is. Work it out, test the waters, experiment and prepare to learn from minor setbacks.
It's not necessary to be outgoing that much. Just get jokes, be there, be attentive and perceptive and be able to keep a conversation going without cringe or hurting others. Guys who want a family are mostly or for you because of age, but there are a lot more who seek company. Look for divorced people. It's not really politeness, it's feminity that counts. Other than that it's all looks.
Post a pic it's not like there is anything about you that could be used against you and we could help with looks.
I don't know about the stepmother part. My stepmother obvious loves her own natural children more so it made me rather shy to accept her, but she turned out to be a wonderful mother in the end. I just troll a stepparent forum where they all complain about how shitty and spoiled their stepchildren are, and how they're jealous of the natural parent's love towards said children. If you're not a jealous person, you should be fine. Always expect a parent to love their children more than you. It's a sign of a good person, not a bad one.
Yes. Natural mothers and ex-wives can be horrible. They can do anything ranging from poisoning the child against you, to straight-up trying to ruin your spouse's life by waging child molestation charges and whatnot. This is not the norm but it's shockingly common. Trust me. I love my fellow woman but some of them are straight-up broken.
you should try dating. guys are more mature and understading at your age. i suggest trying to explain your issue to a guy once you start dating him and if he likes you then he will understand.
Uhhhh.... No.... Not really.
Desperate guys maybe but those with a well balanced life won't be interested in a woman with too much baggage unless he's a fixer of sorts.
The dating pool for guys in their 40s and 50s is huge. Lots of divorcees and women wanting a relationship but still with independence.
I'm having a ball.
she has insecurities obviously but i think if a guy genuinely likes her then they will see past that and help her through any of her issues. a guy at 40+ is more like to understand then a guy my age. agree that it still won't be easy for her and a lot won't stand for it but i think a decent amount will be willing to battle through it. most younger guys just want to fuck so they wouldn't even consider it. older guys are genuinely looking more for love.
As expected, lots of teenagers thinking they know what life is like in your 30s.
39 guy here. It's unusual but nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. Go out and socialize. There are plenty of people in their 30s who have never been married and are available. You want to hang out in circles where there are young professional working types. Try meetup.com for example to check events nearby and attend them.
Where are you OP if I may ask?
>Is love possible at an older age?
Yep. Although for whatever reason you've been avoiding it, maybe not.
I would discourage lying. Yes, some people are going to look askance at this, but if they're just going to automatically reject you because of this, that's probably for the best. If don't know if you want to just let people know right off the bat (because you don't need to attract the asshats who are going to get excited over the thought of taking someone's virginity) but if you let someone you're serious about know, they'll probably be a little more understanding about taking things a little slower.
Yes, the number of fucked up damaged people in the dating pool at 30+ increases but there are a lot of decent people out there too, and most of the real dickheads at your age are going to be aiming a lot younger than you.
Don't lie about having past relationships. Be open and honest. Truthfully there are probably guys in your same position. . 38 isn't terribly old it's actually a very attractive age but then again I'm 20 and I like older women.
I'd say love is possible at an older age. It's actually more probable.
Are you sure the dating pool is still ok? You can be a minor trolling for goodness sake.
I've heard of meetup.com too. As a girl, is it safe to go alone? What sort of events should I attend? The ones for single people to meetup?
This is a generalisation. If you believe it you make yourself desperate and that's even less attractive. A lot of them are taken, some are not. You have to find them. Same with girls though.
Get a gym membership and start yourself on a good healthy diet. Nothing strenuous, just a treadmill at a walking pace and a meal of grilled chicken breast with flax oil, steamed brown rice and steamed broccoli every meal. Nothing processed, nothing with starches or high fructose corn syrup. It's all about baby steps and doing what you can as you slowly build confidence and shed pounds
Read the >>>/fit/ sticky for more info
losing weight is more simple then you realise. over weight people just lack discipline and give up on the dieting, plus when you are really big you lose weight super fast. i have two obese friends and they are constantly struggling with losing weight.
I'm not typing it again.
> I went overseas on contract (engineer). Fixed sexual hang ups and intimacy issues of 38 year old virgin while there. Came home to wife and life. She got married now that she wasn't scared anymore.
Ok? Got it now?
I'm this guy...
So although you OP may not like what I wrote I am not at all saying hope is lost. The opposite in fact.
Let's break down your issues... Firstly the land whale.... Are you really? I think you're probably not, you're just hypersensitive like every woman is about her body, especially those over 35.
I'd guess you're probably quite cute and curvy in the right places when viewed through the eyes of a man (not inexperienced boys or vapid, vain pretend men).
So, what's your BMI? Nobody here knows you. Be honest and let's see if we can't help you.
Depends on where you are obviously. But any city with a fair amount of educated professionals will have plenty of good quality singles in their 30s.
Meetup is as safe as any other activity of going out where you are. You could go for singles events if you find some, but just go to any interest group with the purpose of making new friends rather than finding love. Go to outdoors events, afterwork drinks, concert and art expos, etc.
What I meant by "actually more probable" is that when people get older, a lot of the time they actually really do want to settle down. All the crazy partying/drugs/excitement that they were getting into when they were younger dies down a little. They aren't trying to fuck everything that moves. They find another person and they have stronger companion like love for them. Now not everyone is the same obviously, so we generalize, but it's just what I've observed.
The age range has changed. What you described is now in the late 50s and older.
See those after say 40 are leaving marriages, the kids are 18+, they have a ton of money from the property sale (capital gain) and the last thing they want is to bog down again.
Women recently divorced are either man haters or sex fiends looking to make up for what they missed out on, hence the cougar phenomenonits
It's when age and health issues catch up that long term relationships reform for many people under 60.
As a single guy in his 40's, I'm looking for a relationship with someone around my age (mid 30's at youngest). If I were just looking to fuck, sure, I can find plenty of women in their early 20's who are impressed that I actually have things, am not as socially retarded as most young guys, or who have daddy issues. But I don't really want a relationship with someone that young because almost all women that age who would want a relationship with so much older a guy are going to be a mess.
It's way more fun to be around someone who knows who they are, wants to have a stable life, and is capable of organizing that for herself on her own.
And yes, as >>16798489 wrote, there are plenty of people (mostly women) who initiated their divorce and are seriously screwed up or absolutely not looking for anything serious, but there are also plenty of really good, well-adjusted people who are looking for commitment.
So ergo a 40 year old guy should pick OP if she isn't as bad as she thinks and gets some confidence.
I can say from a lot of experience that if I had a choice I'd pick 38 instead of 32. Early thirties girls are bat shit crazy, then mr right, right now, with instant family and life security and no career changes. Older ones know better, life's a compromise.
Most people don't think that way. It's like saying there are a lot of great baseball players in the group of kids that always gets picked last. Sure there probably are some good women but good women by definition are likely to be taken by 30's
So your BMI is around 31. It's a bit high but you're not short and you're not really fat depending on who you're comparing yourself to.
Are you apple or pear shaped? Or to be direct how big are you boobs and hips?
Next face. Forget what you think you look like. Throw a photo into google image search and tell us who's a close match.
But OP isn't a bad pick. She has no experience and may well turn to play better from the bench, be a manager, coach or whatever.
Yes, she's late to try-outs but still deserves a fair go.
I am talking about men interested in OP's age range, which will be 40+. It's different to 20s dating and early 30s girl still think they're 20 something (most think they're superior).
Tell me your age?
I won't engage with under say 38 unless it's just casual sex, fun, giggles and convenience. In fact that's all I want at the moment from a woman any age (I have paid my relationship dues and now it's my turn to live).
You just happen to be an exception. It's just basic biology, one of the biggest reasons people seek relationships is to form a family and make children, and fertility on women starts to drop from 30 onwards and takes a real nosedive approaching 40.
I have big boobs and fat legs/hips. My boobs are like 34H cup and my hips are like 120 cm with ass included
I'm positive it's a whale thing and anyway here's a pic google says is similar to my fb profile pic. I have slightly more round face and smaller lips and less make up tho
>I never had a relationship before as I was very introverted and didn't really had a social life
Are you interested in a man who never had a relationship before as they were very introverted and never had a social life?
K. So you've got very large boobs. They must be very hard to manage at times being an H cup.... and big hips.
I am guessing most of your excess weight is in the boobs, hips and ass. A boob reduction and some lipo would literally make you a new woman with the confidence to match.
But even so, your face seems quite pretty based on the comparison you've posted. You're far from a lost cause.
So do you want kids?
Do you bring equity to help raise them (money, property?)
This stuff counts because at 38 and 40+ it's time to be retirement planning not wondering where the money comes from to have kids.
nah, I don't want my face all over 4chan and I don't want to get encouragement to accept myself and whatever because I need to slim down desu so I can have healthy live and maybe even babies
Considering that close to 60% of Americans are overweight and 30% of Americans are fatty fat fats, yeah.
Take care of your weight because you don't want to fuck up your back, knees, or get the betus. Being more attractive can help with finding someone for a relationship, but having a good relationship is more about not being a shitty person than it is about your percentage of body fat.
I suppose, I'm not American and here in my slavic hole most people are slim or skinny fat at worst, so I stick out like a sore thumb. I know I gotta take care of that for my own wellbeing but it would be nice to get a bf who will like me even in my fat and unfit form
still I cling to hope I'll lose it and find someone cause ending up like OP sounds pretty awful
I don't look in 100% percent like her, like I said my face is rounder. Besides that I'm not tanned at all, look kinda pasty and freckled, but I've been told my face is pretty, or cute, or youthful. I'm not in a relationship because I never sought to be in one, I pretty much limited my outside time to being at the university/at work and rarely went out. Also my body is landwhalish so I'm not surprised no guy wants to date me. And I was always being introverted, didn't socialise well in kindergaten, then spent all my free time with grandma rather than kids from my street. I frankly have no idea why I am the way I am, it's just that being with people exhausts me and I'm reluctant to start new friendships and such.
I don't want to becuase I'm scared it will spread and people I know irl will find out and laugh at me or something
Sounds like lack of endurance. You really should start exercising. There are plenty of diets to help with weight loss, and if you become attractive, it really helps with confidence.
They know I'm not happy with my looks and they know I'm a one in introverted twat, but they don't know I suffer from no bf syndrome, because I hide it very well. Or I hope so at least
You just wrote it down. Girls want guys as bad as guys want girls. If you separate yourself from them and don't talk about them it's a sign of internalized desperation. Just like the neckbeards don't want any woman and rather be friends with you. Anyone who is a bit perceptive knows what's wrong with you, if they like you a bit feel even sorry for you but know the only person who can help is you.
They do, it's a completely different problem that a lot of guys don't behave like guys. Men don't want bull dykes either. Another problem is that men shower then with attention so they feel powerful but if this is not the case like with this girl then tfw no bf.
I'm from Eastern-Europe too and people from the States just don't get what it's like. You life is basically over when you're even chubby here and no one will even look at you when every other woman is model hot.
Not trying to fuck her you dumb ass. I am however helping to build her confidence so she goes out and tries.
By the way, as a seduction technique, building trust and empathy does work. You should look those words up in the dictionary.
Yes, that it's it, innit? Still, strangely enough, it never motivated me strong enough to get fit and lose weight, possibly because my friends and family always were and are very accepting and I never gave a damn about my possible future because for some reason I was strongly convinced I'll die in my twenties.
And well, now I'm in my twenties, still alive and only just realising how bad being fat and unfit really is. But then after 20 years of bad habits it's hard to make a radical lifestyle change and stick to it. So it's all baby steps and it'll take shitton of time to change. Eh, should have become a drunkard or a slut instead of a fatso