I'm on a path to self-destruction, so no one should take the time to remember me. I'm tired and done, so I want to distract myself until I'm exhausted, then continue until I fall. It won't matter, I am easily replaced and easily forgotten. You all enjoy yourselves and even the coming Valentine's Day. I'm going to use 2016 to dedicate myself only to working once I've ironed out the remaining issues with the local hospital and got the okay to pursue two jobs. Once I'm granted the all clear, I'm going to go for two and I'll be too busy to think about anything other than when my next shift is. You guys smile on, even once you've completely forgotten me.
i recently discovered that i have a sexual dysfunction that will prevent me from fucking anyone for at least a few months if not more like a year. the idea of being alone for that long makes me want to kill myself. im 20 and wanted to lose my v card this year and i had found the ideal guy, and obviously he's done with me, for this reason among others. why the fuck does this shit need to happen to me right when, for the first time, someone who /I/ like liked me back. kill me
I am socially isolating myself until the point of depression. Nothing feels real any more and I have constant anxiety and fear of engaging in social situations. I think I may be derealizing too. I know something is there, but everything plays out like a movie and I am basically numb 24/7. Been like this since my 14th, temporarily got out of it when I was 19-20, but now, being 22, it's back... what the hell do I do... I wish I could stop wasting my life behind a computer screen, the only things that are probably keeping me alive is the fact I make shitty music on this thing and like to cook tasty food (and trying a new recipe once a week is the best thing that happens to me in that whole week.)
I need her to love me, more than anything else. But I know she never will. Why the fuck am I trying in life anymore if I'm gonna end up alone and miserable no matter what. I'm about 3 bad days away from jumping off a fucking bridge, and I never used to be that sort of person. My brain feels like a rope fraying at the ends under a heavy strain. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this shit up. Maybe drugs are the answer
My name is Mike Bauer and i'm the biggest pussy there ever was. I cheat on my girlfriend and feel no remorse for it. I yell at old ladies in traffic because I don't have the balls to say what I want to say to who I want to say it to. I'm a pathetic human being but pretend like I'm better than everyone else. I'm entitled to having my room mates to pay my rent and buy me drugs for months on end, and to repay them I act like a giant pussy cunt of a man.
I had ECT today! It went really well. I mean, I was tired as shit all day from the anesthesia, and I had trouble walking and with balance for a while, but by the time I woke up from my nap when I got home I was fine.
They used ketamine as anesthesia, but I didn't get high or anything, I just had these really vivid afterimages when I closed my eyes to the point where I felt like they were open.
The nurses and doctors were all really nice, and I swear one of the psychiatrists is my spirit animal.
I didn't fucking look at your boobs. Almost never did I see a gaze more angry and fierce when my perceived transgression was noticed. Why so mad? Wanted me to grab them or something? It seemed like you just wanted me to drop into the ground. Weirdo.
I need to stop masturbating. It's not a chronic problem, I just don't like doing it anymore. The urge pops up every week and a half and I feel like I feel like garbage every time. This isn't good for my prostate, hair, or the chemical functions in my brain.
Alright, you want to hear it? This trans era and everything around it is the dumbest, most irrational bs I've ever had to listen to in my life. If you are born a male, you are a male. If you are born a female, then you are a female. There is no "switching" there is no "I don't feel right in my own skin" bs. You are born the exact way you are for stern reason. No, I will not let a trans woman change in a man's locker room and vice versa. How about instead of being a little pussy and being not happy with your gender, you suck it up, and make the best of it. This little "switching gender" thing is absolutely unnecessary. Your mindset is just weak and pathetic because you didn't want to born the way you were, so you wanna change to a boy/girl? No. It doesn't work that way. Oh, and another thing, you are not born gay. Think about how long it actually took you to "come out" and decide you would tell everyone you've decided to date the same sex as you? 15, 25, 40 years? But, yeah, you were "born gay" I bet you were in the hospital staring at the baby next to you with the same genitals thinking, wow I definitely want that, instead something I can natural fornicate with? Come on, let's hear the butthurt ways you wanna tell me I'm wrong.
>>16785075 Oh, and adding to this, "gender fluid" makes me want to cut my throat with a butter knife. Male or female. You are not born with choice to be a sugar packet, tater tot, or a box of pancake mix. It doesn't work that way.
You don't have much patience with others, probably explains why you've been so alone in your life. I see how guarded you are around others, how quick you are to be on the defensive. So why did you let me in? I'm everything you hate. I'm still a kid, even if we're only a few years apart, and how evident that was, when we saw each other last. The boy I knew, now a man, and barely a month's interval with our parting of ways. Not a stranger, but a different version of yourself. It baffles me, why you won't look for another, there are so many other girls like me, neets & losers, but I guess we're the best match for another, right now. God damn; you've made me all sentimental.
>>16785172 You can believe in transgendered people without believing in shit like "aquarigenders" and "genderfluid" people.
Genderfluidity is a thing but it doesn't at all reference going between a male and female identity in a short-term context; it's usually used when discussing emerging gender identities in children as they transition to adults.
I'm done. I want to go.I'm only here because I don't have the money to leave yet.she knows it's over but it's hard to stop hanging out when we're still so attracted to each other.I need to go my life is fluttering away I'm just so exhausted.it's all excuses I'm scared.
>>16784030 Pro-abortion people are so fucking stupid. It almost seems like they believe child was jump bumped back in line instead of born, and that it'll be born if they get pregnant again. That's how stupid they come across.
At least stop lying to yourselves. You are preventing a life from coming into the world. Its already living cells. Its not some unicorn. If you're going to be an abortionist, at least be honest about your reasons.
Its right/wrong in general? No. Its right FOR YOU, because you need to fulfill your desire to not have a baby even if you get pregnant. Just because something is right FOR YOU personally doesn't make it right.
Everyone has an agenda. Everyone has a reason to believe in the things they do. Everyone is trying to make the world "right for them".
I also find it aggravating that I say I'm pro-abortion because I can get laid more often since women will get naked and fuck more often with abortion as a backup to condom failure, yet people call ME scum or a terrible person for believing in that.
If you create an incentive for behavior, it will increase. Abortion creates an incentive for more sex because everyone has a sex drive (except those asexual freaks), so saying Im happy that my benefit is being incentivized makes me a monster? Im not going to discuss the ethics or morals of it, but everyone trying to appear moral on any issue when they're really looking out for number one gets my goat.
I prefer the company of sociopaths like Hannibal in the TV series for this reason. "Why did you do this to me?" "To see what you would do."
I get it. I get that you want to appear moral because society says you must be moral to be acceptable, but everyone has selfish interests and wants those interests fulfilled. At least sociopaths don't lie to themselves about their reasons for what they do. Normal people SUBLIMATE all the god damn time because they think it makes them a better human being.
Sorry that my way of coping with my life is using dark humor. I didn't know you'd take it so seriously. Or personally. I really was okay before when I said that. I wasn't depressed. But now I don't feel so good. So I'm drinking to feel better. Ironic, I guess.
My socially-inept friend's oneitis is flirting with me, and I have been tempted to go for it for a while. Problem is me and my friend work together. But at the same time I love talking to her. I feel a compulsion to talk to her now, and deep down I know I'm just an asshole to my friend.
>>16785670 think of all the gutter trash that has an abortion or two by the time they are 20.
im prochoice but if youve had more than one abortion and your only reasons are you arent ready or dont want kids you should probably kill yourself or be a communal fleshlight for anyone that wants to fuck you.
And what is with all these assholes that are not providing initials? Just give someone a little bit of closure, as no one actually believes they are speaking with the person they hope, but it quiets that nagging doubt.
I'm afraid I might die alone. When I was in high school I considered myself very attractive and eventhogh I wasn't a ladiesman at least I had some girls interested in me. But I considered myself way too attractive for them(which wasn't the case anyways). Now I'm 20 year old and I look exactly the same I looked when I was 14 years old, and that sucks. I am even the same height(a fucking manlet). Girls don't even look at me anymore, when I go to parties I feel like if I was out of place. I am unattractive now, the only girls that are interested in me are fucking ugly. I never had a girlfriend, because I always thought I was too good for everyone. I only had sex once with an ugly bitch and I felt disgusted after it, now I can't do it anymore. I really feel like shit because I certainly believe I deserve better than that. I am a very good student, the best in my class. I am going to graduate and I won't know what to do with my degree, because I really feel like there's no point in living anymore. My life is so boring and lonely, I just want someone to love me(and who I love back) Why is it so difficult? Maybe if I was taller...
>>16784030 I think I'm afraid of being in a relationship I don't fully control. I'm afraid of being domesticated or claimed by any one woman, and so I seek the attention of other women. I've been in a relationship for four years now, and have been in four prior. I've cheated twice in those past ones, and am not unaware of other women in this one. Maybe I'm just an asshole.
I'm probably not going to make it as a famous musician, but I'm damn sure gonna try. Do what you love, right?
I probably should've applied myself more in high school, and not gotten so distracted at University. (How I got in my current relationship.)
My whole personality feels like I'm just lying to people, even though they call me a good person. Maybe this is a form of depression or anxiety.
I expected a lot more of myself, I think, and now I just feel like some background asshole in the book of life.
For me personally, I can't use any at all because I'm either allergic to it or it fucks up my already fucked up hormones. I deal with the reaction from condoms if I'm sleeping with someone new, but I get regularly tested and if I'm in a long term relationship then I don't use any BC at all.
If I were to become pregnant, I'd keep it. But if you asked me a few years ago when I was younger, I'm not sure my answer would be the same.
Fuck people who pretend to care and act like friends.
I'm tired of being everyone's fucking emotional crutch and the person they come to for advice. If something wrong, they come to me. But they couldn't give a shit about me when I need anything, when I'm going through fucking Hell. Even after they say how I can come to them for anything. How is it I always end up being friends with people that eventually do this shit?
I don't even know why I bother. I hate this feeling of utter loneliness I feel but I don't even know what to do at this point since I have social anxiety and can't even talk to the few people I thought I could trust.
I'm so tired of hearing "You can come to me for anything", knowing you are lying to my face. It should be blatantly clear I'm on the edge of breaking down. Or at least it would be if you actually bothered to look.
But fuck that right? You'd rather play your fucking piece of shit game all day.
I have a female friend who is single and has always been. When we first met she had kinda a crush for me, but I didn't reciprocate. Now it's been a long time and I from time to time I invite her to hang around as "more than friends"(since we are both lonely and miserable) but she keeps rejecting me and saying I'm like a brother to her. What is wrong with her? I mean, she fucking liked me, and now she'd rather be totally lonely than to date me? What the fuck did I do wrong? Maybe she likes to be lonely and miserable.
I fell out of love with my long term partner of 6 years because of the hatred i felt towards her and despised her due to her friend always flirting with her, And now i am doing that to another girl i work with who is in a rough spot with her partner.
feel like an absolute dog but she's smoking hot,Short,skinny big tits (DDs),blonde with blue eyes ( which change between blue and green )
I love my wife. She has severe anger/temper issues, but I love the fuck out of her.
Ever hear the Elvis song "Hard Headed Woman, Soft Hearted Man?" That's my life, but things have been getting progressively worse. I used to fight back at you when you started name calling or blatantly distorting facts. Five years of this has beaten me down. I just take it now. Today, you screamed at me because I didn't do dishes before you got home. It's so easy for me to call you a bitch now. You're almost proud of it. I hate you. You now have expectations not only on what house work I do, but when I should be doing it. Once I upset you, you start yelling and name calling. I'm selfish, I'm stubborn (because I won't do exactly what you want) and I'm an asshole. You've screamed at me that I ruined our 5 year old's birthday in front of her (because I didn't want to swim at the party). You've hit me on multiple occasions and have called me every name in the book, but I put up with it. I have to. For the kids. It's gotten to the point where the 5 year old actually asked me if you would get home mad. You're a shitty person wrapped up in your own self pity. I am really starting to hate you.
I can't fucking stand cheaters. They're putrid scum of the earth and deserve nothing.
How the actual fuck can you claim to "love" someone, and then break their trust and disrespect them in one of the worst ways possible?
Going behind your partner's back, the person you made a promise and commitment to, and cheating on them (emotionally and/or sexually) is the equivalent of looking them in the eyes and saying, "I do not respect, care for, or love you in any way, shape, or form. You are worthless and are nothing to me", and worse.
If you can't look your significant other in the eyes and say that, then why the fuck do you cheat on them? Why do you dehumanize them and deceive them? Why do you treat them like garbage and make them feel worthless? Why do you want to degrade and humiliate them? Why do you shatter their world and rip out their heart - the heart that loves you?
Why the fuck would ANYONE want to destroy someone like that????? Especially someone who LOVES you, and who you claim to "love".
>>16786388 The word "love" has lost its meaning, it's not used how we imagined it to be. It's used too early, without truly loving someone. People will say it just to force someone to say it back in response, to feel good about themselves. But if you don't say it, you're supposedly the one in the wrong.
True love wouldn't involve cheating, but that's not what it means these days. Love is just a casual word to throw about now. People will claim to love people they don't even trust
All love which occurs within a few days or weeks is bullshit, and is based on the SUBLIMATION of the socially unacceptable feelings of lust and sexual desire to fuck some guy/girls' brains out into "love".
Seriously. We walk around with an unconscious 10x bigger (by all pictures of icebergs I've ever seen) than our conscious. We live on society, and we use defense mechanisms to convert anti-social behavior into pro-social behavior.
Saying "I want to fuck her brains out" is socially unacceptable, however saying "omg I've just met her but Im in love" is somehow socially acceptable, and everyone keeps buying into these lies.
>>16786414 >however saying "omg I've just met her but Im in love" is somehow socially acceptable >The word "love" has lost its meaning, it's not used how we imagined it to be. Good job, you really argued against me
Tbh I'm just a broke hood bitch all my jugging money go to the senpai I get shook down all the time all bills are past due my gas always on e like I'm always so stressed when I think of love I envision some important people who I'm not sure y they important and shit is beyond extra everything can we all just chill
>>16786485 becase women are whorse who deserve nothing. Keep fucking someone you love, till you love someone new. Go fuck yourself and figure out why you're the bad one, it doesn't happen to people who are nice
Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. I need a job. I need several jobs. I need to just focus on jobs and not have to think about anything or anyone else. Just to focus on working until the next shift. Just enough downtime for survival necessities such as eating and sleeping, then back to work.
Is this a world in which someone's emotions can truly be killed and for them to turn into a soul-less worker? Can their senses be limited solely to their current job at the time? I think this is the kind of life I want now. I want to just shut down and be a working drone. Anyone who ever wished ill on me would be happy, and anyone else would continue on as they always have as the change to me wouldn't affect them.
As I see it, this is the best outcome for everyone.
Man I'm sick of >tfwnobf All of my friends are in stable, happy relationships. I date guys but it never goes anywhere. Either I'm not that interested or he's not that interested. I'm still a virgin because so far I just can't find a guy I want to fuck, who also wants to fuck me. I don't know what the problem is, am I too picky, am I too ugly, is there something wrong with my personality, do I just have bad luck?
i love you but i don't know how to say it because you live o far away and my life isnt in order right now and i feel so cluttered and i just wish that things would clear up so that i can tell you how i feel
>>16786948 I'm fine. I don't feel any better yet -- normally you don't until the fourth treatment in the course, and my second is tomorrow -- but I'm not having any significant side-effects that I can tell. If I lost memory, it's not anything important or significant; all I have to do is wait to find out if I'll remember the events around the ECT (e.g. the next two weeks.), because for most people I've spoken to that stuff is very foggy.
I do feel a little achy but that's from the muscle relaxants they gave me so that I didn't harm myself during the electrically induced seizure.
Found out that in order to support myself and my child in my state, I'd have to make over $25/hr. My last job was $9/hr. The father makes $8/hr. Even if we marry, neither of us have skills marketable enough to make it.
Stop Stalking AJ from Queens this is SS and know I do not like you ,cannot stand you and wish you to go away!!! You giveaway my personal info like its funny!!! I could never like or love you !!!!!! You disgust me!!! Grow up!!! You are physically gross to me !!!! Suck a trillion dicks!!!!!
How do I stop hoping? Even know, when I'm crying my eyes out because she left me I still hope she'll come back and everything will be fine again. She left me 2 days ago because I probably was a bit of an ass for 2 months, because I didn't give her enough attention anymore. I didn't get the chance to work on that, because she went to the zoo with a guy I considered a friend, as a date. While we were still together. I can forgive her for that, but even now she says that maybe we'll get back together, but she'll try building something with the other guy first. How does she think I am? That I'll just wait on the sideline while they go into a relationship? Even now she says I should get my shit together, and that SHES getting tired of pointing me in the right direction. What could I respond to that? I just want to work on my issues and make everything right again, but fuck. It's just too late now.
My entire life, my parents kept me rather secluded. I spent most of my childhood pent up at home, doing nothing but playing video games. As a result, I cannot help but feel like this impaired me in some way. Like, those might have been the years I should be learning how to socialize, and instead I was a shut in. In high school, I was given ever so slightly more freedom, but because I had no idea how to really talk to people, I ended up burning a lot of bridges and alienating people because I simply did not know how to conduct myself. Growing up, I always heard from my parents "no, you're doing everything wrong" or "the world is dangerous, don't trust anyone, everybody is out to kill you". I cannot help but feel like this somehow affected my mindset in some way. I cannot help but feel like, as I have grown up, this has somehow affected how I am now. I am really insecure and not confident in myself, almost as if I do anything expecting to fail. I am scared to take the first step with anything, which can be rather debilitating. I just feel like, being told that I do everything wrong and that the world is not safe might have messed with me somehow. It's likely that my parents coddled me too much. Too afraid of letting me go out into the world and really experience, they sort of held my hand throughout my entire childhood and even through high school. They always spoiled me. And now that I am an actual adult, I find it difficult wondering what to do with my life or what to do next with all this in mind. I wonder if I am even okay. I wonder if these things are just insignificant and I am just magnifying them. I'm twenty years old, and I still live with them because I have no sense of independence and no job, so I don't see the point in moving out just yet. I'm at an age where I feel like I need to figure everything out and I have no idea where to even start, and I often think about the past, wondering how it affects my present self, or if my future self has any salvation.
>>16786485 >Men who trap me Unless he is physically stopping you, there is nothing stopping you from leaving. If leaving him means you lose financial support, that's entirely your fault for becoming so reliant on someone.
>>16784030 I just dont know what to do, I guess I know that you're showing some romantic interest in me, but I don't think you realise how much of a sperg i trully am. I see your snapchats with friends on the weekend and the people i call friends and i are falling out slowly. Oh god, it fucking terrifies me that i'll be like my dad, stuck with no friends for the rest of his life.
I guess my problem with trying to make a relationship out of this (probably)mutual attraction is that I feel like you only see me the way I try to be seen. It's a really stupid complaint, I know, complaining that my mask is solid. The worst thing is that I'm trying to stop these fucking feelings buy I can't. I just feel more alive when I'm near you. I'll probably have to.either wait for you to lose interest and break my heart or i dont fucking know what. I just don't see us working togather, i can't pretend to be a cheery extrovert like you all of the time. Even the somewhat extroverted fasade I put on around people is infinitly friendlier then how I actually am. This makes me feel like I'm fucking insane and trying to hide it but the truth is'nt nearly as romantic. Truth is I'm just a fucking loner and the worst thing is I don't mind it. Every time my family bugs me about getting a gf I just feel like screaming (i don't) that I like being fucking alone, but I don't even know if it's true anymore. I just feel so fucking inadequate. I'm trying to improve in every way, and I feel meself becoming an objectivly bettter individual. After the hours at the gym/running it no longer feels as shamefull to walk by a mirror. After so much time practicing alone my art is getting closer to pro level every day. I've deleted every single gaming related thing from my life (excluding.a couple on my phone, can't draw on the bus). I reached my goal of creating more content then I consume. I'me the best I've ever been, but personallity wise
I'm done being nice now. If any of you thought I was a cunt before, just wait and see how bad I am now. I'm done taking this shit and biting my lip, filtering out what I really want to say because of the reaction it might cause. I realise now that it doesn't really matter. You're all against me. Everyone is against me. None of you care about me and you all want to see me fail. Well what, you think I'm going to just lay down and die? Fuck you. Fuck all of you. I will not give up. You wont make me bow. I will succeed. I will find happiness. With or without you. And at the end I'll look back, and you'll be there in the same place wishing you hadn't missed out on me. And I wont be there anymore. I'll be somewhere better. Mark my words.
Okay, if you think you're invisible, I'm assuming none of them have made a move?
Well, that basically means two things; Either you're aren't as attractive as you think you are, and you're crazy unapproachable.
So, in short, you're either ugly, or a bitch-looking kinda bitch.
So, if you are smoking hot... than you unfortunately also look like the kind of girl who'll roll her eyes, gives an exasperated "ugh" and sigh, and then throw the word "creep" around once or twice to make sure he really got the message, if any guy so dares to try.
Not my fault bitches gave bitches are bad reputation. Guys just protectin' themselves.
>>16784146 I miss you, but my personality is changing too much in the eyes of my family. Even if we reconnected I probably wouldn't be the person you knew me as. Blame me for that, and also laugh because I brought my experiences on myself.
I wish you'd do something that would show me when(if lol) you're thinking about me...I don't know how sincere the things you said are. You never really initiate conversation with me outside of times we have to be with each other. I'd genuinely like to believe in everything you say but misanthropic feelings have already set in.
>>16784030 God dammit why do I hate you and love you at the same time. You infuriate me to no end sometimes but I think you're the most beautiful human being I've ever met and want to marry you and have children with you and retire to Europe with you but god damn you make me I'll sometimes.
some fucking disgusting bastard gave me warts after shaking their hand. you know the grossest part? I remember the exact moment it happened and the exact fucker that did it.
some homeless dude I helped once came over and was like "aww man, thank you it means so much" and all that shit. he goes in for a handshake but when I go to shake his hand he does this weird fucking thing where he angles his hand so one of his fingers like jabs my pointer finger in the side. well there's a wart there now and they're spreading. imma burn and freeze and put acid on this shit.
fuck shaking people's hands, and forget ever doing anything nice for people. that dude knew, I remember lookign at him and going "this guy is fucking disgusting". but I helped him and I shook his hand because he's just another man right, and he decided fuck this guy, Imma give him a weird ass handshake and a bum bump. recently a lot of people have fucked me over after helping them or trying to help them. fuck helping people.
this is why rich people don't help poor people. ya'll do shit like this out of petty spite and short sightedness. I don't know the dudes reasons, but that was an intentional "here's some warts you rich looking motherfucker" handshake. I'm not even rich, my taxable income for last year was 16k, but I understand the mentality now. I don't help bums anymore. dude fucked it up for everyone. now I'm gonna have months of getting rid of this shit and worrying about if it's gonna spread to my face or some shit. pretty sure there's one on my goddamn eyelid.
fucking dirty ass bastard.
inb4youshouldfeelbadforhim,you'vegotwartsonyourhandhe'shomeless. oh fuck off you hippie idealist. yeah, I've gone a little more republican. thank fuck he can get healthcare now and go to the doctor and get that shit burned off. but I don't want to be around that dirty ass shit anymore.
tired of people hating me and trying to drag me down cause of who I am. oh he's hot, smart, sane, has decent judgement,
>>16789377 and has ambition... fuck that, gotta do whatever things we can to screw that up.
fuck people man. you do you imma do me, and don't come crawling back when I got mine. I will, and I don't want your bullshit at my doorstep. step off with your petty small minded bullshit. imagining beef where there isn't any. I can bring you up with me or i can drop you. thats how its gonna be from now on.
another thing, there's a select few of you that can give advice. if I'm honest most of the advice I've gotten through my life hasn't treated me well. I need to be true to myself and my instincts and choices because I know what I'm capable of and none of you seem to have faith. so let me show you.
My friend basically started ignoring me overnight. They kept telling me its because of ~depression~, but they can't even be assed to decline invites. I'm doubly annoyed because they used to talk mountains about how much they hated it when people did the same stuff they're doing right now.
I don't really know what to do. We used to be thick as thieves, but I'm at my limit. I'm extremely tempted to call them out and just end it already.
>>16784924 literally because they enjoy abusing you... no really. I have known people like this. you should burn the shit out of that bridge and leave so that they can not follow. I've been the target of people like this before, you don't want to be in the position where if they follow you will have no regrets with shooting them in the head.
sociopaths and psychopaths are not some myth, they are literally all over the place. just because someone isn't a murderer doesn't mean they're not fucking batshit and dangerous.
>>16785086 just playing devils advocate here... experts aren't always right. psychologists aren't always right in the head. humans are all kinds of fucked up and there's a lot of variables at play. we tend to look at effect as cause rather than the other way around.
literally everything that is happening presented in social behaviour experiments carried out in the 60s. everyone forgot, now its all here. no one cares that scientists already figured this shit out, instead they just find new ways of explaining this shit.
question for you, why have all of the trans people I've known committed suicide post op? we're not talking people that got shit for it afterwards, these were VERY convincing women. every one. suicidal depression is not clinically regarded as sane... but psychologists will treat gender dysmorphia as the cause rather than an effect of environment.
do you have any idea what subtle chemical changes in the womb can do? the unnatural chemicals in urban environments? effects of overcrowding? epigenetics? social psychology and exactly how messages in todays media and general populace affect children?
I'm just playing devils advocate, I think everyone deserves a fair shot at being happy and comfortable in their own life, but there are very serious questions that the world needs more information about. you can't just say oh this person wants to be a woman now and thats the end of it, it can't be questioned.
Solitude is weird. It's like you got used to being alone so much and liked it but it just took one person to come up in your life and fuck this up. Now being alone feels bad, the only thing I want is to be with her/him.
I started writing shipping fanfiction a few days ago. I'm honestly so embarrassed by it I can't even tell my therapist. I just tell her I'm creatively writing and using TV shows and movies as a basis to get over the hurdle of making characters. I think my dad would lose his shit if he ever found out. He was really, really good at sports when he was younger and so was my brother and he always wanted us to be the typical masculine Alpha types. Lucky me I was always horrible at sports and gym class was a nightmare and I've always been the stereotypical friendless beta. And I fully admit I only do it to satisfy my ideal romantic relationship. They always involve a good-natured, generally genial guy and a tough on the outside, sweet on the inside girl who is secretly in love with the guy despite all the shit she gives him. I'm sure there's some sort of narcissistic psychology to it where I'm trying to deflect why I've been laughed at so many times over the years by people my own age. Whatever. I'm a wizard in the making and If it's masturbation, that's okay with me. It helps me feel better and other people like it too.
I need a job. There are places to apply, but I don't want it. None of it feels right. It feels wrong. I know I need to make ends meet but I know working those jobs will kill me. I can do the work, I can fake the gung-ho company attitude, but that's all going to cost me my soul and I don't want to slip into depression again. That's the real thing I can't afford. There are other opportunities but I don't reach for them, because they won't be enough, even if they make me happy.
If I can't pay my debts, society will come down on me like a ton of bricks and I don't know what will happen. If I worm my way into a place that pay enough, I'll be dead on the inside in weeks. I'm caught between two definitions of death and too terrified to invoke either fate, so I sit here alone and afraid, succumbing to both at the same time.
whenever I think about it, kinda feels like some of that happiness comes back and fits into a hole that never really closed up right.
I think I'm an albatross. or maybe a penguin. don't think that feeling for her is ever really gonna go away all the way. I dunno what made that a thing in the first place, we didn't even get super far in terms of like, advancing the relationship, but I've never felt more comfortable or "right" in my life. before or since. (albatross... albatross's? albatrossi? that's what I'm going with I like it. albatrossi and penguins mate for life. thats the reference I was making)
>>16789442 Are you me, anon? And that fear of narcissism is likely misplaced, since questioning it itself kind of invalidates the claim. It's more likely you're self-aware enough to realize the benefit in being paired with someone who is, for lack of a better word, dominating but emotionally-stilted. Check out the MBTI types and compatibility. I'm not saying it's perfect, but you might find something that resonates.
>>16786237 badum bum badum tss emotional vampires and toxic people *jazz hands*
walk away and burn dem bridges to the fucking ground. I do, my upstairs neighbor just did. heard him yell to what i can only assume was his chick over the phone to "leave me the fuck alone!" goin around brah, feels good. burn some bridges, get rid of emotional stress and unhelpful people, go to the gym for some endorphins and to get in shape for dat confidence boost, go start something big. bam. you'll feel better about yourself and people worth being around will come. if you build a life worth being a part of, they will come.
>>16786388 was for sure cheated on by my first gf, second gf exhibited literally every red flag possible. swore she wasn't, might've been. fortunately for me a lot of those red flags are indicators of a relationship that isn't gonna make it anyways so that ended. even if she didn't, all of those problems were there.
why? idk. I've never wanted to cheat. wish i could explain it to a degree but then I'd be someone that knows what it's like to cheat.
The human mind is also pretty damned susceptible to perspective. If you've got no real physical needs to meet our mind starts making up issues. That's why we've got those suburbans moms ranting about the devil in children's cartoons, or all this debate about social justice. There's no real issue those people are capable of effecting (sure they could pack up and move and do volunteer work, but that's only the physical distance issue. They could still be entirely incapable of doing that volunteer work due to just not thinking that way, a mental hurdle) so they make up something to stress out about.
If everyone dealt with the same issues we'd still be in our caves. It's because of petty leisure time that people can ask stupid fucking questions. Sometimes those stupid questions start conflicting, because two people have nothing better to argue about, and it escalates until one of them shoots three people to a giant rock in the sky and plants a scrap of cloth on it.
>>16789441 I'm not having problems with it oddly. cocoon mode baby. every time I come out better. I'm coming out of this with a six pack, a rebuilt car, better piece of mind, stronger self image, and a business. at the end, I'm leveraging all that for massive forward momentum toward further goals
I guess im scared of females my age who i would like to date or otherwise. I hate the thought of being rejected. I'm more worried about vidya than life. I've been changed by an evil girl who basically used me. 24 yo virgin. Can anyone help?
>>16789478 while I think its unfortunate, I'm not about to be told I'm a bad person for not having someone elses problems at the forefront of my mind who's thousands of miles away. I'm not there, I cant help with endemic corruption in africa or dictatorships in asia. I can't stop all the terrorists and I can't get everyone off drugs. I can't reclaim farmland from the sahara and I can't calm shiites and sunnis. if you would stop telling me I'm shit and tearing down my confidence or indeed will to help someone so aggressively hostile toward me maybe I could get my shit in order enough right now so that I can actually help. get off my dick.
ya dig? fuck off.
also love and the ensuing problems are not some white people shit bro. pshh.
Usually I feel great, content with my life, glad that I've got friends and family and a steady job, etc.
But every now and again I just feel... I guess "broken." I feel like there's still so much I never got to do as a teen or young adult and catchup feels all but impossible.
All my friends and family are getting married and the like and I'm feeling more and more like a third wheel in those situations and like I should be trying to find a girlfriend and eventually wife, yet I've generally ignored romance so I'm generally retarded with women, one of many things I "missed out" on.
I occasionally reflect and just wish I could go back and not fuck it up the second time around. I think of how I had so many dreams and never pursuing them because I felt dreams never came true.
I dunno if this me becoming aware of my age or what, but I don't like it.
>>16789521 I don't know either, even though I'm awfully guilty of it myself. I can only offer my observations.
Speaking of "working men and women" though: The first world (well, 'murrica at least. I have no idea where you're coming from so feel free to ignore what I'm saying) places a LOT of emphasis on "sacrifice now for pleasure later" to the point that its bog standard to dig yourself into thousands of dollars of debt by mid-twenties and spend the rest of your life working to pay it off (if you don't die first). The best indicator for the start of this mentality was way back during the industrial revolution which was literally all about turning people into machine cogs. Take that with a grain of salt, though, since I'm just echoing what others have said.
The end result in the same. People end up not having the time or energy for themselves. The self-flagellation comes about when a person realizes how fucked their internal lives are, how they aren't reaching for their dreams, taking care of their emotional needs, etc.
They realize this and are overwhelmed by years of self-neglect.They have absolutely NO way to deal with it because they've been raised in a society that teaches them NOTHING about personal care. It's all about sacrifice for the greater good, the company, the family. Any notion about personal success is demonized unless cast under the veil of social good, yet we idolize those who have achieved personal success. Children receive conflicting messages with enough intensity to create mental whiplash, no wonder america's youth is so fucked.
This all comes across as very "The MAN is bad!" but it's more of a self-perpetuating cycle. Everyone is a victim to it, at the same time they echo the messages that led to that mentality in the first place. The initial concepts ARE good, but its all taken to an unhealthy extreme. Peer pressure a bitch, fo'sho.
>>16789612 I've never felt peer pressure but this is a good post
I'm Murican' too but my parents were not religious and allowed me to find my own way
I didn't really realize the debt meme was still had its hooks so deep inside of our culture
A product of frustrations seems most plausible the way you framed it
Sacrifice for the greater good is bullshit on a personal level if you aren't affected the ENTIRE system (IE you are the carrier of a world ending plague) ; and the victim mentality is very evident today (though also not very new)
I would recommend people reading the Tao To Ching for personal perspective but I memed too hard and nobody takes me seriously so fuck it
Chipotle is revolutionizing the fast food industry. It is so effective at what it does that these super mega corporations have all pulled money together so that someone cries "outbreak" and all the stupid people wouldn't know otherwise. Now they're trying to win you stupids back with a free burrito. Buy chipotle and stick it to the man.
>>16789643 >>16789697 Hey, I'm sticking it in my bookmarks even though it looks a little thick at the moment.
Emotions ARE nonsense, and there's no right answer. Considering that a large portion of the population uses emotions instead of logic to solve problems, you'd probably be right in saying they're less intelligent. The distinction is what kind of intelligence. They might not be the best at math, or programming (good lord, trying to explain why I "know" the code is wrong, and being right, but being unable to supply satisfactory evidence), or any other academic science that relies on hard evidence, but they're good at talking. They can bring people together and strive for ideals.
But don't ignore false causality. Bad emotional juju can royally fuck people over. Any sort of negative experience and bad mood negatively effects performance.
Are people less intelligent because they're emotional pansies? Or are they simply performing poorly because of a series of bad experiences?
>>16789783 People like you slightly restore my hope for humanity
Tao Te Ching quote I really like :
When there are many restrictions in the world The people become more impoverished When people have many sharp weapons The country becomes more chaotic When people have many clever tricks More strange things occur The more laws are posted The more robbers and thieves there are
Therefore the sage says: I take unattached action, and the people transform themselves I prefer quiet, and the people right themselves I do not interfere, and the people enrich themselves I have no desires, and the people simplify themselves
As for your final question I think its both. *Assuming no biological defects in the brain* Most of it I think its from their inability to express themselves to their satisfaction due to social pressure, lack of knowledge, or lack of personal courage.
>Guy A learns early and often how to talk to and treat girls so that they like him and long for him. He could have sex any time he wants because numerous girls think he's cool. he gets laid nightly and everything thinks its okay.
>Guy B reads a pickup artist book to act like guy A, and thus improve his chances of having sex. Everyone thinks he's a monster who's manipulative, but guy A's 'natural' capabilities, which were learned from trial and error, aren't manipulative. The sex he wants and gets is fine.
I was a fool to break up with you knowing how much you were to me, and yet, i still say to myself i was glad to fall outta love. 5 years together felt like solid concrete, but even with all that weight of pressure , something had to give. Im sorry Sheila . :(
I want to kill myself, and I want to die. I want the entire essence of a void to swallow me whole and take away any format of my existence. Not because I want to be an edgelord. But because I don't want to face anything else, I'm weak, Adnan tired. Everyday I go to work, and go to school and face awkward situations that make me wish I'd die. I have nothing going for me at this point. I'm 19 and a virgin. The only girl I ever truly loved left because I couldn't swallow my pride. And I'm all alone now. All my friends have left, and I've faded to just a sad shadow of who I used to be. I can barely pay attention at college, and I just want to get this over with.
>>16789697 no, I didn't. first you implied anyone involved in the conversation was a retard, which, immediate unwarranted hostility and you can go fuck yourself. I'm not feeling it, I'm not about it.
second, you implied that it was a race issue, using a racist tone, and then invalidated the problem of love lost as if the conversation was in any way related to someone not being comfortable or knowing if they're gonna wake up. AND THEN if we backtrack a little, you imply that horrible, unsure life is purely a lifestyle lived by people that aren't white.
dude you don't even know who you're talking to or what I've been through. you don't know shit. in here calling me unintelligent. nice high horse for someone so arrogant and narrow minded.
get the fuck up out of here and go troll somewhere else. you are all fucked up son. starting conversations that don't exist to prove something no one was asking about.
my ass has to work tomorrow and i don't feel like being tired as hell or I'd go through african geopolitics and history as well as asian juntas. I'd school you on western intervention in issues they've got no place even thinking about. I'd tie in your nice little quote there too along with other classics of eastern thought while I told you exactly what i do and why I'm not contributing to the overwhelmingly white intervention through ineffectual organizations that merely contribute to corruption and the dependancy of peoples exploited for years that need to find themselves and their own confidence. we could talk about victim complexes on a global scale and collective dehumanization and it's psychological effects on a nation and what is needed to recover from decades and decades and decades of systematic, soul crushing oppression.
"this shit for everybody on my testicles, Please make sure you put the rest in your mouth, ho"
>>16789827 "Spite is the most powerful human emotion.", as my roommate puts it. Tell someone not to do something, and they'll put all their effort into making it happen. I think Tao Te Ching is something I could appreciate more in small doses, with time to digest and think about.
Knowledge is power. Or perhaps more redundantly, Understanding is understanding. I would agree that the major issue is the inability, as you say. The cause could be a hundred different things, but for me personally it's the social pressure to be right and productive that causes me frustration. I have no desire to be rich or famous, but I would still like to impact mankind positively. The "ambition without recognition" is something people I have encountered struggle to comprehend, a mentality they still seek to "fix" me of. I abhor dealing with money. I understand its use in society and its importance to actually staying alive, but the thought of devoting my life to "making money" fills me with disgust and seems pointless. Even though others I know would swear its the only way to secure a future. I would rather try to live a fulfilling and universally contributive life and die early than spend years 'waiting' to live, as I see it.
Kind of spun the tale end of that into subjectively, but whatevs.
>People like you slightly restore my hope for humanity Thank you. I mean it.
> With enough determination, you can make any man fall in love with you, and the procedure is simpler than you think. To summarize in three words: give, withdraw, repeat.
So, when a guy gives in compliments or confidence by talking to a strange girl, then withdraws because he wants to go hang with his buddies, then repeats, he's being deceptive, even though he wants sex but he isn't thinking about his behavior as being deceptive?
What one guy does naturally because of who he is, when it isn't consciously done as a tactic to get laid, is cool even when it results in him being laid, while another guy does the same things to get laid, and does and it isn't cool, but deceptive?
you know how many nice guy threads there are in adv that say >be yourself and be confident?
No girl like a guy that looks like hes sulking in a corner worried about getting punched. They dont think "i want to fuck that guy". They think "this guy that's talking to me and seems to have no worries is much more sexy".
So when people tell "nice guys" who have problems with women to "be themselves", and they as themselves are putting out the wrong social signals at all times by cowering in the corner, the only way to counter this is to say to them "be confident instead and outgoing", which is being a false self, ego deceptive, but that kind of so called advice is okay?
This is what I mean about you hypocrites. You'll tell people to be themselves when their selves are not successful at getting sex or a relationship. You'll tell people to be confident if they as themselves aren't getting successful sexual or romantic relationships (e.g. be fake/manipulative by deceing people as to your true self through being confident).
>>16789888 >Guy A Gives, withdraws, and repeats because he naturally wants to fuck girl Y, but he also wants to hang with friends in the bar. He goes to his friends because he wants to split his attention. This makes girl Y more interested in him because he's not falling into the trap of putting all his interest in her, which is a turn off for girls.
>Guy A then comes back, to girl Y with heightened interest. Guy A wants sex with girl Y and talks her up and they eventually fuck later that night.
>This is all cool and fine.
Guy B has problems getting laid. He reads PUA and hears about give, withdraw, repeat. He mimics the same acts as guy A, finding other ways to spend his time in the bar, so that he can fulfill the G/W/R method. This gets girl Y to find him more interesting, he chats her up, and they fuck later that night.
>This is horribly manipulative deception.
Guy A's only crime was of ignorance, that he was doing things which makes girls interested without realizing it, because who he truly is, is a guy that wants sex with pretty girls at the bar but also wants to hang with friends.
Guy B's horrific crime was doing the same shit as guy A while KNOWING that it would increase his chances of getting laid. He is lying about who he is because instead of cringing in a corner, he pretends to be confident (something nice guys threads all advise), and then consciously acts out the same kind of behaviors Guy A does which is what gets Guy A laid.
>>16789881 understanding is indeed power, which I think is what you wanted to say.
what you're not understanding is the reality of the world. you wanna make a difference? make money. what possible lasting effect do you think you're gonna make on a planet of over 7 billion fucking people dude? you got a big head on you, don't you? I don't endeavor just to make money, I endeavor to make a fucking mark. a dent in the shittiness of the world.
you say what you want to sound cool or smart or edgy, whatever shit you've gotta fulfill subconsciously... thats the reality that you need to understand. if you actually care. if you actually give a shit about making a difference, becoming another broke hippy isn't gonna cut it.
ya'll both all kinds of fucked up and egotistical. fucking psuedo intellectual, philisophical, self righteous, idealists. yeah, great. thatd be an amazing way to live... if things were as you wish. but they aren't. work with reality.
if you want to live like that, thats fine... but you're gonna have to come to terms with the fact that you don't actually give a shit about changing the shitty things in the world. the old guard of the rich aren't gonna do shit, so we need new thoughts in the upper class. that means you and me getting up there.
>>16789916 let me ask you this. regardless of the recognition, regardless of what people think of you (indeed most people will have strong negative opinions of you when you amass significant wealth, people like you perhaps) regardless of any sort of reward at all... which do you think helps more?
standing at a soup kitchen for hours and then patting yourself on the back?
volunteering for doctors without borders and helping maybe a couple hundred people?
being rich and contributing to, for example, the green energy revolution in africa that is already developing. contributing to more a more centralized, powerful solar grid bringing power to millions along with jobs, technical innovation, education, skills, more business, contributing to regional stability?
feed your ego or feed the ego of millions and maybe, maybe, you get something out of it too besides knowing you helped that much.
what's the reality?
"The truth can be pain, and I hate to do it Either face the music, or get away from me stupid Super glue it down, now it better not move See I'm not the best, but I'm in the top two And I'm not that friendly when this cup is empty It's a side effect from trying to find the fucks that sent me See I didn't just happen, I was made this way By the same egomaniac that paved this way"
everyone wants to work with me because my budget is always higher than a motherfucker but im such a pushover when its my friends...i never know how to tell them when their idea is a million percent fucking whack
I regret breaking your heart and I hate myself everyday for doing so. I didn't mean to and I really wish I didn't. We don't talk anymore, and our goodbye was really hard on me - harder on me than you think. I know you did it to better yourself, so you get out of your depression, and all I want is for you to be happy and to get better. But fuck. It's only been four days, and I miss talking with you like crazy. And I've been thinking about you, wondering how you're doing and how you've been, so much, these past four days. I love you and I hope you get better...Maybe you'll see this, maybe not. Just know I'm here for you. 'Til we talk again...
>>16789907 I don't think there's enough time in the world for me to understanding the entire world's reality. I understand my little chunk of the world, and I'm doing the best I can to get a job with the degree I have so I can fund my pseudo-intellectual, philosophical, idealism bullshit.
I have no intention to be another broke hippy, but the reality I see is that there is a very large and complex game to play to get that well paying job and keep it. A game I am very, very shitty at, and when you mess up it has long reaching consequences. It's very frustrating.
It's also very frustrating when I do indeed want to help people, but have no goddamn clue how to go about it. Because, as you said, there's seven billion people in this fucking world that's been around for millenia. What's one pissant going to do in measly few decades?
I don't see what's happening the world at large because I'm so caught up in my own petty issues, trying to make ends meet so I can pay off debt.
Your post seemed really aggressive, but then >that means you and me getting up there seemed really inspirational and chummy and I have no idea what tone i should be reading
>>16789916 I was raised by a man who valued the dollar above all else. I recognize it's necessity and worth in my own life, but it is not what motivates me. Possibly because I spent years living with someone who had been turned into a bitter, regretful ignorant because of working for that reward, and I don't want to become that. So I devalue money and focus on the intangible benefit of my work; helping other people do their work by making their programs not shit and spaghetti code.
Just remember that there's more important things out there than chasing girls and getting your dick wet.
Go to school, study and work hard, make a career for yourself doing something you love. Go out and meet new people, be confident or fake it 'til you make it. Work on yourself, it's okay to admit to yourself that you feel like shit and don't like the way your life is.
But the only way you're going to be comfortable with yourself and your life, is by being who you want to be. It's okay to not be okay, but there comes a point where you need to realise that your life and problems are not going to fix themselves. Only you can fix them, and you should so you can be happy.
It takes time and effort, but it's well worth it in the end.
>>16789942 do any of you even know about how solar is already one of the biggest energy providers in africa? do you even know how quickly african markets are growing and the thirst for knowledge and technology that is growing? you only see the bad in the news by and large and it keeps everyone in this pity party for africa thnking oh those poor people. THOSE PEOPLE are fighting back against the lot the world gave them after decades and decades. they are not poor people. they are quickly becoming strong people. they're fighting corruption all over the continent. they're finding industrial and tech solutions for the path forward. they're retaking and rebuilding their countries after years and years of war. there's plenty of problems but I'm sick of people having this mentality of "oh those poor people" they don't need your personal, direct, help. they are more than capable of doing things themselves. are you saying they're less than you? in any way? is that what you are suggesting? that they need our food, our doctors, our tech? that's a stop gap. they need help getting the tools and stability in their region needed to find themselves and show what they're capable of.
>>16789980 I get intense when I'm passionate about things. lots of people assume I'm pissed. I really couldn't tell you what tone you should take from that. its just how I talk about things I'm passionate about. I could be talking to a friend about some new green tech thing and they'll just be like "dude, way too intense"
well you seem to be on a good track then.
>and when you mess up it has long reaching consequences wrong, I was homeless for awhile, now I'm starting a business around when people tend to be just starting careers. homeless, with no credit, nothing but a car. how bad do you think you can fuck up? it hasn't been but a few years man. I've been a drug addict, drunk, abused in every way in the books. exactly what do you think you're going to do that is going to have such long reaching consequences? do you plan on murdering someone? cause that'll carry what, like 10-20? that might do it.
its in your head, its been ingrained since you were a kid, its reinforced by the media. you are far more capable than you think, you can move a lot faster than you think toward your goals, there are no dues you need to pay to anyone for success, there is no guilt you personally need to feel unless you personally did something bad.
sort out your moral compass, don't hurt people, become sure of yourself, read, learn, soak up everything in the now, use it all. go and do what you want and when you're sorted and you've got some power to you use it to fix some of the problems of the world in a meaningful way.
kinda a general post. but seriously... you don't learn in school about the reality of things. how to get ahead. all the little tricks and ways of thinking you're really gonna need. there is always a way.
learn, look at how things are really working and you'll see the base issues to work on that'll help the most.
That story you've told me recently revived some unpleasant memories in my mind, and now, for the first time in YEARS, I feel like everyone is laughing at me. Just like I felt in fucking highschool. Take yesterday for example. I couldn't shake off the feeling that your friends think I'm some kind of loser weirdo creep.
>>16790027 Intensity and conviction is the tone I will read, then.
>its in your head, its been ingrained since you were a kid I know it, but I'm always forgetting it. Fear gets the best of me. I was raised in some kind of conditioning where I wasn't allowed to think or express my own will, and failure was a worse outcome than not trying. Not trying to make excuses, it's something my therapist worked out for me. When I first went in for therapy I would physically blue-screen when verbally asked about what I actually wanted in life. That gradually progressed into normal panic attacks, where I could stammer out answers, but at the start I would just shut down. I still face a huge mental blockade when actually thinking about the future, and it takes a huge amount of effort to ask myself "what do I want?".
blah blah blah, pity party. You don't want to hear about that shit, you want to hear about what i'm going to do about it. (To which I don't really have an answer, and is why I come here to try to and help others, because it helps me think through my issues).
It's general, but it does help. One of the tenets I live by is "everyone has a story", and your post reinforces that.
You know... I work really fucking hard to keep my word in our relationship. Even when I'm against the clock or had multiple commitments within the day, worked for over eight hours and had a long commute home; if I told you do I'd do something, I always keep my promise. I've had a hard and lonely week in isolation. The first time you said you'd come down, I didn't mind that another commitment prevented you from seeing me. But to make it the promise again and fail the very next day? I don't actually blame you for this hurt. You've also made commitments you couldn't keep. Half the time, I feel like the intention is good, but it's gotten painful to constantly deal with. I feel like I can't take anything you say seriously. I feel like outputting the same exact behavior you do. The difference is, once you start whining... I instantly crumble and assume the situation will fix itself. I've had a long week to think about our relationship and how I feel about it. I don't know if I'll keep this up once I'm back where I belong. I'd rather be single and yearning than be in a relationship with falsities....
My family is probably right. I'm still too young to have a mutually beneficial relationship. Or maybe I should just go back to women until I'm older....
>>16790258 I am, too. So I'm trying to kill the part of me that doesn't want that, the part of me that cares. But sometimes I just start to crack and it hurts.
Sure, not everyone in the world is meant to be with someone. But why did I lose the roll? Why was I meant to be someone so easily forgotten and replaced? Why was I meant to be someone that was an effective distraction? A distraction is temporary no matter what. Why couldn't I be meant to do more in life than just convenience others and congratulate their successes? Why couldn't I have been one of the people I have to congratulate? Why am I a naive idiot? Why didn't I listen to my instincts instead of just saying "Haha, it'll be fine as long as it doesn't come at my expense"? Because it did.
I'll go back to pretending to be okay later today, but my mask's cracking now after a reminder in a dream.
I don't like admitting it to people that know me, but I'm really fucking lonely and hurt. Why am I the disposable distraction always? Why am I able to be replaced and completely forgotten? If this was how it was meant to be, why didn't I die in 2013 instead of someone people would actually remember and mourn?
I fell for a girl who is not my partner... all I can think about is her but I haven't done anything about it... there are complications... she now has a new boyfriend.. I still feel how i do (and oddly not jealous cos he beta AF).. we decided we were going to be in a band together... I totally hope we get together... but I have many problems to solve first...
>>16790910 I'm sorry. That sucks. Women who fuck with little boys are deeply sick. I don't care if that's like some kind of fantasy… you think little girls don't fantasize about older men? Shit, I've known boys, beautiful boys who were fucked with when they were too young and it DID fuck them up.
I'm obsessed. I've been obsessed for almost a year. It's like this person pushed a button inside me and made me feel like there was an empty spot that needed to be filled. All I could think about was fucking them. I still think about it. Help me. What do you do? It's the worst feeling in the world. It's killing my life. They're all I think about, all I want and I can't have it. I can't have it. My heart hurts. Is this love? Why? And the worst thing is they don't care, they don't want me. I know this is "daddy issues." My dad didn't love me. I'm crying now. Shit I'm fucked up.
Fucking 18 year old bitches. I got rused. I woke up today with several messages from an ex that I really liked, saying a ton of lovely shit, wanting to kiss me and shit. In this relationship we never fought, she started getting weird, clearly didn't liked me anymore so I stopped talking to her. It was weird to see these messages.
I was mad and confused, the girl lost all interest and then suddenly starts saying cute things? I don't fall for shit like this, so I wrote a small message conveying this feeling.
Then I recieve an audio from some random girl saying that my ex wasn't the one who sent the messages, she stole her phone and started sending random shit to people.
Then my ex gets the phone back and starts saying a ton of bullshit because of the things I said, that I lied on our relationship, that she thought I was going to rape her (she's feminist) and other stupid shit. What a rollercoaster I got into. Any girl under 21 is massively retarded.
You won't read this, I know you won't. I'm glad you're happy. I'm glad you spend time with your friends. I'm glad you got a job again. I'm glad you're cheerful. I'm glad you aren't sad. I'm sure you can smile a lot, that makes me happy.
Please always stay well. We don't even talk, we haven't in a long time, but please stay well. Live in a colourful, vibrant world and smile, laugh and be happy. Not just you, but so many people should. Don't let yourself feel sad again, don't fall into a gray world. Smile, may your friends smile with you. Please just stay happy.
I'm not completely over you but I had enough of it. You will never take a step further to compromise and only excuses comes out of your mouth. No point in being just friends if you're not friendly at all, fearing you would give me false hopes. The only hope I have is to move on as quickly as possible and never look back.
>>16791765 >Fucking 18 year old bitches. I got rused. I woke up today with several messages from an ex that I really liked, saying a ton of lovely shit, wanting to kiss me and shit. In this relationship we never fought, she started getting weird, clearly didn't liked me anymore so I stopped talking to her. It was weird to see these messages. >she thought I was going to rape her >(she's feminist)
"Fool me once..." ever heard that sayin'? And honestly, when a girl ends up in abusive relationship after abusive relationship always gettin' beat by deadbeats... I never sympathise because at the end of the day, after the first time, it was all her dumb choices and she gets some of the blame.
Likewise, you're the fuckin' idiot here for even engaging her. Simple answer, don't reply to her or her friends or anyone that has ever met her.
It isn't even "don't stick your dick in crazy", it's "don't repeatedly poke the crazy with a stick" at this point.
>>16791831 I haven't been truly happy since. gonna smile till I've cut enough of the world out as my own to make it what I need it to be though. I don't fit in everyone elses world, too much bullshit and useless gray everywhere.
people keep trying to ruin shit deliberately and fuck with me. every real friend I've found is too much like me to stay here. they seek the best for themselves in the best place for themselves, often that's not wherever I've met them..
I'm not sad, I'm not cheerful either. I'm going to do what I need to do. there was a time I felt comfortable a long time ago. spent too much time just enjoying it instead of making sure I could keep that going. now thats gone and I'm gonna have to do everything the hard way and with people constantly doubting me or what I'm thinking (it doesn't seem to matter how many times you're right, or how many times you do a better job than anyone else. blows my mind.) and deciding they need to get in my fucking way.
you're almost certainly not the person I'd write this to. wish we still talked though she's almost certainly married at this point as any guy would be a complete retard not to marry her, and I don't think I'd be able to jsut be friends without it hurting. been trying to figure out how to get rid of these feelings for a long time. the weirdest shit brings it all back.
>>16792010 Well there was no way of knowing, the girl typed exactly like her. I discovered most of the fucked up stuff (her dad used to beat her or something like that) after we stayed together and it quickly died after that. Your typical tumblr girl that gets triggered and offended over the stupidiest shit. I thought it was just a meme.
>>16792075 it was her, she was angry you didn't immediately take her back. burn the shit out of that bridge and walk away. stay far away from crazy and anyone associated with crazy. trust me, you don't have the time for that shit. do the right thing, cut all ties to that shit.
It's not like I'm one of those faggots from /r9k/ since I've asked the lads if they wanted to go out drinking (they pussied out) and I've asked a girl if she wanted to do something but she straight-up ignored me.
It sucks because my friends would rather stay home and play CoD and that girl thinks she's a 9/10 but she's closer to a 4/10 and she's fat and I know, for a fact, that once I finish my cut she'll be all over me again. Transitioning from a nerd to a "lad" is fucking horrible because your nerd friends don't transition and it's harder to go out and harder to make new friends since you can't introduce them.
I'm in uni for fuck sakes.
I should be pissed out of my skull right now and making regrets.
I'm 28 years old. I had my first kiss last night. It was with one of my favorite strippers. To be honest it was a little underwhelming. Kissing isn't as great as I thought it would be. I probably have herpes too because of it. Oh well... My life is forfeit anyway.
I just found out my boyfriend is a virgin, we're late 20's and he's 4 years younger than me. I'm used to older and experienced men. It doesn't make me think any less of him but it's a situation that I would never expect and I'm afraid I'd corrupt him with my kinks.
>>16792081 I have a feeling it was her too, the messages came in at 5am but the audio with another girl saying it wasn't her was about 2pm. Kinda weird to let a friend stay with your phone for like 9 hours. She probably drunk texted and regretted it once she woke up. I never had any intention of going back to her through. I used to respect her but this was very fucked up. She sent me a message now but I simply deleted the chat. If it was really her, I guess she'll come back again eventually. Funny how psychology lets you predict things.
I've started a new job and right off the bat I've calculated my hours wrong. I'm considering emailing the person in charge of finances about it tomorrow with the boss CC'd in to apologise for it, correct my hours, explain why I work those hours and explain that the boss is CC'd in to make sure there's no deception.
Will they appreciate the honesty or think "Oh boy, we've hired an idiot"?
What a piece of shit. He's sending the message that your not good enough and this has the knock on effect of devaluing you in comparison to his people and formers. You're better than this, and you know at the end of it all you have to do for yourself.
What kind of piece of shit runs up the electric bill to $800 and leaves their cancer stricken room mate with the bill? How does this person have such an inflated ego that they think they are not a piece of human garbage or have the right to pass judgements on anyone after pulling shit like that and many other instances of fucking people over or constantly talking shit about pretty much all their "friends" behind their backs and then turns around and throws a fucking temper tantrum when they do the same shit right back to them?
I got your number mother fucker and no amount of lies or manipulation is going to save you this time.
I feel like I've just been kicked in the gut and all I can do it sit on the couch and try not to vomit. I can't send a message because they won't see it until tomorrow afternoon. I just hope I'm wrong but that gaping hole in the bottom of my stomach tells me otherwise.
So my dad layed into me today about not having a job and being unmotivated. And he's right. I just don't feel like doing shit. I don't know what's wrong with me. Nothing sounds fun anymore. I don't get a lot of anything out of doing much. He says he wants to help me, but not if I won't help myself. And he went on to tell me that he feels like he failed to teach me to not just scrounge by. He's not incorrect, I don't do much. I just go to school, come home, do homework, watch tv, play music or play video games. I hang out with a few friends every now and then. But I just don't get much of anything outta doing stuff. I could get a test back, get an A on it and I'd just kinda shrug and put it away. I just feel to done with everything. I try to be very active and engaged when I'm around other people. I don't act like there's other things I'd rather be doing. And I think people don't get the idea that I would. It's my last semester at the junior college I'm at and I haven't the foggiest clue on what I wanna do. I've taken a bunch of business oriented classes but I don't know what o want to do. Dad said just to take a year off. Get a job and take a year off from school. And I think that's not a bad idea. More than anything I just want to get out of this god damn house. I think that going on to a university and living on campus would be about the only way I could get out of this house and out of this town. I'm just so burned out. I'm tired of trying. Dad also went back on talking about how he just can't understand how I act somedays. He's a real extrovert and builds energy on Boeing around people. And of course I'm an introvert and can only handle so much and I gotta get out. And he kinda makes me feel bad about it. He makes me think that there's something wrong with me. Like I came with missing parts. And I know he doesn't do it on purpose. He's just trying to figure me out.
Six posts would not be enough to post all that I've written, and even less so to quell my sorrow. I wish I could express pain through the internet without using words, just raw feeling. I need someone to feel with me. Being ignored is one of the worst of human fears and I've gone through it my whole life. It's gotten better but now happening with the worst of people.
I don't know if I'm just extremely lazy or if there's something legitimately wrong with me. I failed out of university and community college due to never doing the work, and I don't have the energy to do much besides lay in bed and browse the chans. I'm looking for a job now but I'm afraid I'd just never show up. Also never had any close friends or a gf, despite being somewhat attractive. People have shown interest but being around people is just too exhausting for me. Could be depression, but I don't feel sad all day or anything. I just don't have the energy or care enough to do anything.
Oh you. I hope you are okay. Sorry I made shit weird, but what other way is there with me? I'll disappear slowly and quietly I suppose. It's just sad that I tried so hard to be friends if nothing else , and I just felt like a dummy for it.
>>16792632 Probably need a spice in your life like a girlfriend, but get ready for the fucking ride you'll be going on. Other than that, there isn't much. Make sure you finish school as soon as you can.
I looked in my chart while waiting for ECT to start today. Everything looked good, except "Appearance: Malodorous".
And then I realized that (1) I have hyposnia, meaning a really bad sense of smell thanks to sensory integration issues from nonverbal learning disorder, and (2) I've been wearing the same clothes before and after showering for at least three weeks.
So that was kind of a wake-up call. I kind of wish someone could have told me I smelled bad, but how the fuck do you even bring up that conversation without seeming insulting?
I wish you would stop going back to his toxic self after what? Five times where he only hurt you, where he doesn't deserve you? Where you start to cry like today? Then you say you need to change and shit repeats.
Plus well, I may be kind of in love with you and I want a second chance. I know I fucked up in the past when we were together once, but we were a bit young and stupid. I decided to change for the better so fuck that past me. I try to plan a perfect day where I can admit that, but he's always in the way.
At the very least, I want you to find someone to be happy with, but to stop going to him at all. I fucking hate how you'll feel guilty for no reason after he leaves over and over.
Every day I can't help but wonder if I'll see you at the train station or just walking along the sidewalk and I wonder if I'll be able to prevent myself from chasing you down and fucking slitting your throat. At this point, it isn't even hate, but wondering if I would be able to justify letting you live. I would be doing society a favour.
>>16792955 you're just lazy and unmotivated and probably not passionate when you get put in a position where you literally have to do something with your life and you still wont do it...maybe depression. but it sounds like you just aren't doing anything because you dont have to. i know what that is like because daddys money
I used to be so scared of being alone and now I'm scared of being with anyone at all because I know now how much it can destroy me and destroy another person to love someone that much and have it all disappear so suddenly I don't think I ever want to completely trust someone like that again But I'm afraid that I pushed myself too much because I was in love with an idea and not a person. That I've accidentally lied because I just wanted to feel like a person who was still lovable still Maybe it's this distance that's making me have these feelings but when you suddenly got serious with me I just felt like running away and hiding in a hole by myself, forever The idea of becoming old and grey, without children, all on my own sounds so much more appealing now when it used to just scare me before. Maybe it's because the alternative is so nasty when it goes bad, so much worse. I don't know if you can help me or change my mind. I'm going to keep pretending that you do, because I'm probably already too deep anyway, and if nothing else you can teach me the virtue of patience
It's been months since I want to break up with my gf and I'm too much of a faggot to actually do it. I'm both afraid to become the miserable nerd I was before I met her and of regreting my decision and wanting to go back to her. Also, I think this would be a lot easier if I knew she would be ok with a break up.
>>16793219 Masturbating until she is no longer anything to you will do the trick. You must resist. Seriously just think about her and FAP off, I don't care if it's "Oh, muh personality, not her looks" just think and fap and in time she will be dead to you.
If you genuinely feel she is a better option to your current gf, which you should take care not to think that now then realize you're wrong later, then try getting to know her.
You know when you see that casual post pop up on Facebook that would normally mean nothing but your stomach drops and the world spins and you just know. A quick browse confirms your suspicions but you hope to hell that the semi-private profile is giving you a skewed image.
You try to continue with your day but it all feels wrong. Food tastes like cardboard and sits heavy in your mouth and stomach. Sounds are muffled and far away. The world is spinning like you're going to fall off into the sky and drift away. Go to the gym to try to get your mind off things and you push because its the only way to feel something that won't be the imminent heart-wrenching pain that you know is waiting for you.
You type and re-type and re-type a message, each time deleting the words that can't convey the confusion and pain and burning question of 'why', until it's distilled down into a simple sentence: Who is this person? You look at those words for a long time before your finger moves like molasses to the Enter key. Finally you tap down, sit back, and wait.
There's nothing to do but wait and be alone with my thoughts and memories until tomorrow afternoon.
>>16793238 I think it's just a mix of how sexy she is and the problems I have been having with my GF currently. Unfortunately even if I was single she is taken too and I found out 7 years older (I was thinking 3-4 tops) she's even in my dreams lately. Although even the moral side of me turned her down when she wanted me to cheat on gf with her.
>>16793271 I will try anon. Worked there full time for almost 3 years now and I always found her attractive but not that I talk to her a little more (only small things like weather and work) I just keep falling further and further. It's not that I even want to so much get with her as much as I just want her to know how I feel and get it off my mind.
>>16793123 Yeah, you're probably right. My parents are well off enough that I don't have to worry about starving/being homeless in the near future if I do nothing. I feel like I need something bad to happen to me to kick my ass into gear. I'll go see a psych professional though.
>>16793000 Why would you need someone to explain to you that you smell horribly?
While you may have showered, you are not hygienic, are most likely obese and sweat profusely, and did not change your clothing. Factor in stains, other odd odors, and I can only imagine the terror...
You are indeed retarded. As such, I am going to make a basic checklist, for you:
- brush your teeth - shave your neckbeard - shower; use soap, shampoo, and conditioner - clean your ears - trim fingernails, toenails, and clean them - apply deodorant - put on clean boxers, undershirt, socks, and clothing - apply cologne - put spaghetti in a zipped sandwich baggie to minimize spills
This should help.
One question, as I can't help my macabre curiosity... How long did you go without changing your undergarments?
>>16794106 i was neglected by my parents, like severely neglected, i had to beg people for food, and actually only learned the importance of hygiene in my 20's due to an embarrassment like that. i never knew until then how rigorous of a routine it was. now i'm paranoid and have everything in check, yes i'm obese now, and i use a scentless mineral roll on deodorant that keeps sweat at bay for any problem areas.
i am still relearning what a proper daily routine is for a normal human being now in my 30's, one of which includes therapy for post-alcoholism and eating disorder as well as PTSD
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