How can one overcome learned helplessness? I've given up in several areas of my life (career, relationships), but continue to do well/work hard in some other ones (mainly physical stuff like exercise, playing music, learning languages, etc.) .
>>16766911 Find out why you are feeling this way. Feeling trapped in a relationship is just a nice way of saying that you are unhappy but you are afraid to leave because you don't want to hurt the other person 1. Find out why you aren't happy 2. Fix it 3. If unable to fix, make an exit. Staying in a relationship just to avoid hurting the other person makes you both grow to hate each other
>>16766952 1. Let him explore it at his own pace. The more you hound him the more he will dig in and resist. 2. Have you talked about your desire to spice things up? Maybe he has some other things he would like to try.
>>16766960 Going online to ask advice on how to be normal in social situations
Dude, I don't know what to tell you. Get out more. Skills don't just improve, you have to practice. Join an organization. Start a hobby that involves other people in real life. Avoid isolating activities.
I was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder 10 years ago - I'm now coming to grips with it. How can I take advantage of my illness and find a job that suits my strengths (and lack thereof)? I'm tired of feeling like shit and like there's something wrong with me when I'm actually deeply in love with myself and think there's nothing wrong - I'm tired of being ashamed because people think I'm wrong.
>>16766977 There are an infinite explanations for why you feel anxious. Find out the specific things that make you feel anxious in social situations. If you were in a large group, what would set it off? Fear you'd say something stupid, fear you'd be ignored, fear you'd be ridiculed?
>>16766982 I'm fairly decent at talking to people but if there's a little pressure or anything on the line, it tends to fall apart. I also have no idea how to initiate long term relationships with people. Is this therapy territory?
>>16767005 Therapy territory? Definitely. Getting a little anxious when social situations become pressured is normal. How you react to them sounds a bit neurotic. And you don't 'initiate' long term relationships. If you met someone you want to hang out with, say 'hey, we should hang and do something fun'
>>16767069 I dont know. Its destroyed my life, and my relationships and shit, but at the same time Ive never hurt anyone. I guess its the fear playing into it. I just dont want to end up even worse off than I am already for seeking proper treatment, which maybe i should have done years ago before i got where i am.
>>16767103 No, they can't take away your carry for a personality disorder. You will not somehow get worse by getting therapy, but, as you probably are more than already aware, learning to let your guard down is really scary for you, and so therapy takes a long time and can be frustrating for both you and the therapist. But it's worth it, anon. And do you know how I know that? Because you're worth it
Am i shallow that my gf stopped sending me sexy pics but she hasn't in a while and I didn't ask but I just asked and now we're in a fight. I really liked when she sent me pictures and she would tell me they were only for me and it made it feel like gifts to me. When she stopped, it kinda makes me a little sad. Am i wrong?
>>16767131 Believe it or not, anon, it's people like you that gave me a reason to go into psychiatry. Perfectly functional adults who, for absolutely no reason, believe that they deserve to suffer. It's a thought question, how to change how we feel about ourselves. Part of that, sadly, is to look back on who taught us to feel that way about ourselves. No matter how much you try to change the present, you aren't going to undue your perspective of yourself. You have to find out why you feel that way and learn to undo it.
>>16767132 If you would just copy and paste this and send it to her I'm sure she would understand. Or just tell her that you got spoiled off of her sexiness, and that seeing her sexy pics reminds you of how lucky you are to have a gf like her. Chicks love being told that their BF is lucky to have them. It's like catnip
>>16766884 So, there was I, trying to desperately fight off another lonely night away from my girl. I instantly went to /gif/ to watch some porn. There laid a thread about videos without a source. Went in, checked some videos. A girl was getting humped by some dude, presumably her boyfriend.
Something inside me instantly triggered. I started feeling anger, anxiety, jealousy, fear. I actually felt incredibly strong emotional pain just from watching it, and it continued long after the video was over. It almost hurt me physically. It felt like she was my girlfriend even though I obviously did not know her, nor him, and had never known a person who resembles even remotely either of them.
I remember something similar happened to me years ago, but back then I couldn't care less about any of it.
I am actually scared about this. I had never known there was something that wrong with me up until now.
>>16767126 I guess I can. I'm already out of the gaslighting relationship, but my (recent) ex has a problem with perceiving reality when she's in a 'triggered' state. She suffered some pretty bad childhood abuse, which I suspect is the root cause, but whenever she would get into this state, things got messy. She would accuse me of saying things and doing things I never did - usually this was in the form of things she "remembered" from fights we'd have, the details of which I couldn't remember and (at first) I simply accepted some of the things she'd tell me - or I'd accept the version that she 'felt' that I'd say them. It was really disturbing to have to defend myself against things I never did, and there was no way to prove to her that I hadn't ever done them. She'd tell me how I was feeling. She'd project her own shit on me. I started walking on eggshells around her, avoiding confrontation, changing my behaviors (like not ever using my phone, not interacting with women at all, avoiding being in social situations with her). Her behavior was erratic and confusing and even though I was cognizant there was a problem, I love(d) her and I didn't care if I took the blame. But it was really hard because she'd be pissed off at me for something I didn't understand, and then it would start a fight and then I really would be angry, which was hard to argue with her that I wasn't angry when clearly I had become so. Sometimes though I would tell her something in this state and she'd immediately act as if I had said the exact opposite - "I don't love you" instead of "I love you".
Was there any sensible way to deal with her? Should I have just... ignored the irrealities? Sometimes she would calm down and realize she was acting nuts, but I never felt like I had any input into it. I guess since I bothered to type all this out, if you have any answers as to managing this behavior in someone else it might be nice to hear.
>>16767152 Go buy a borderline personality book. You will be glad you did.
Things appear to get worse. It's true. That's just you letting down your defenses, and turning you into kind of a mess. As for the gun, just get rid of it. Especially if you drink. Just give it to a friend to hold onto. You aren't gonna kill yourself. You are scared, and when you are scared you want someone to come and hold you tight and tell you that they care about you, and telling someone that you have a gun and are thinking about ending yourself is a great way to get that person there. You need to realize that what that suicide threat really was, was a cry for help, and to everyone else who sees it, it's a cry for attention. So learn to make a cry for attention in a way that doesn't alienate you or make you look crazy. Learn to communicate your needs with others. You don't need to get all crazy on people for them to show they care about you
>>16767174 OP here. It would be really odd that all of your mistrust came from dating one skanky chick. Just saying. How do you become less insecure in your relationships? How do you learn to worry less? How do you just fucking chill?
Think I'm gonna somehow give you the magic combination of words? Or recipe for an elixir? I don't know, dude. I learned to chill because I got fed up sabotaging my relationships by my own insecurities. I learned to chill because, frankly, it was a waste of goddamn time and energy. And lastly, I learned to chill because there is nothing that soaks women's panties more than confidence.
So what advice can I give you? Try to get burned out as fast as possible. That way you can get over it and just chill
>>16766884 My friend and his gf just broke up because "they are going in different directions." she dumped him. That same friend confessed to me (an openly gay male) that he has recently done something with another guy, but only when extremely intoxicated, and it "wasn't for him". He then asks me to get drinks. This is a very old friend of mine, and im nervous im reading this wrong, but is that a flirtation or not? do I act on it if it arrives or do i ignore it to save a friendship?
All the effort and expense and commitment and talking and fallible science and crapshoot of actually getting a therapist that clicks as well as knows what they're doing and all the pitfalls within each of those things, like jesus fucking christ fuck it I'll just take the neuroses.
I dunno, to me it's just always seemed like a kinda crazy, narrow, over-complicating, disaster-laden and, however counter-intutiveily, pretty stigmatising industry.
It seems to get bandied about these days as a cure-all, and yeah I know it's gotta be totally vital and life saving to certain individuals. But how wide-reaching do you really think its usefulness is compared to just informing and taking care of oneself if one finds that agreeable?
I dunno, I'm having a lot of complicated feelings about it lately. Like all of a sudden no one's just eccentric, no one just has problems, everyone's SICK, in a long list of highly specific words that people collect like Pokemon cards. But maybe it's just a transition phase as shit gets destigmatised and we start to acknowledge the widespread illnesses the same way we acknowledge the common cold. Plus retarded internet culture, the exact same shit happened to gender and sexuality (which of course used to be pathologised, just pointing that out).
I dunno, I'm kinda just talking shit and I've gotta head out so I can't even hang around to discuss it, but have a nice day I guess.
i've been mentally unhealthy for most of my life and in need of therapy, but it's gotten worse lately
i've always been somewhat depressed but mostly able to force myself through the bare minimum (even if it means i literally do nothing other than get up, go to work, and cry) and i'm fairly certain i'm autistic since i have a lot of early childhood signs that point to it and my teachers always tried to refer me for social work every year but since my parents always refused to put me in they couldn't do anything about me
but recently i've been having a lot of violent thoughts. suicidal ideation has always been normal for me, but i feel as though i've just been obsessively trying to be my own psychotherapist when i probably needed one starting from adolescence and as a result i've had to hyperanalyze and reanalyze myself over and over, but i'm too socially inept to get a job where I make enough money to live outside of my house with my abusive family that doesn't believe in mental healthcare.
Why is liking to drink considered alcoholic? I see stoners everywhere and they dont get put in detox and shit, alcohol is the same way, I enjoy a fucking drink the same way stoners need a toke every hour.
Diagnosed Schizoid Personality (overt), OCPD, and mild OCD (I'm positive it stems entirely from my OCPD)
How do I get my family to understand that I'm not "just a guy that never got out of his angsty teen phase" without having them talk to my therapist directly? I would love if I never communicated with them ever again, but they contact me daily and regularly invite me to parties, occasionally even driving up to my apartment and yelling for me to go out to lunch with them or some other shit.
Every once in a while, I go to a party of theirs and all I hear is how I need to stop hiding behind a fake diagnosis and grow up because I'm "facing the real world now where no one cares about me being a special snowflake", so I'm practically set in my mindset that they won't change, but I may have overlooked something.
>>16767344 theres a difference between liking to drink and drinking the same amount that a stoner would smoke weed. they dont get put in detox because weeds obviously safer than alcohol. not that they're any better. it just applies to all drugs
It only seems to be the conflict of a non clean cut and peaceful divorce that fucks kids up. The parents in this case either blame the kids because the adults are childish enough to do so (explains the divorce as well) or the kids felt like they could/should have done something to keep their parents together and they never actually express those thoughts/feelings.
>>16767835 It's because of what leads up to the divorce. Not the act of watching the parents split, but by watching them fucking hating each other. Kids learn how relationships work through watching their parents. By having a fucked up marriage, the kids get fucked up. Looking at it like all is good and then suddenly you're divorcing is short sighted
>>16768461 Try meds. Not benzos or any of that shit. Propranolol or clonidine work great. Panic attacks are both mental and physiological, or so having a medication that dampers the physiological lets your mentally work at reducing the panic attacks on your own. They are like training wheels. For mentally overcoming them there are plenty of tricks, like finding what sets you off, to what you can do when you sense them coming on, to ways of minimilizing their severity
>>16767344 Chemical abuse is chemical abuse. But with alcohol you develop a tolerance which increases how much you take in, and can have life shortening effects. Plus, being an alcoholic and withdrawing is a life threatening ordeal, while pot heads just get anxious and lose some weight
>>16768476 Yeah, but you can walk into any doctors office and say 'I want propranolol because I get panic attacks' no doctor is gonna bat an eye. It's always these fuckers trying to get Xanax that pisses off doctors
>>16768483 Alright thank you. I don't know if it's different because I'm in the UK but last time I tried I was told to try CBT first before trying medication, I'll try again though. If they say the same thing again I guess I can just try CBT
>>16768501 Yeah it might have just been the one doctor, she got a little pissy when I suggested medication. A lot of different doctors work at the clinic I go to so I'll more than likely get a different doctor anyway. Thanks for your help
>>16768527 Did you just ask for 'medication', because that's how people come in who are trying to scam Xanax off of doctors. It's super goddamn irritating. Ask specifically for propanolol and you'll be fine
>>16766884 How does one go about overcoming social anxiety and on that matter, depression? I've got a huge complex about my looks (acne scars haunting me from high school) and I just feel terrible leaving the house.
>>16768544 That's what we call body dysmorphic disorder. I'm not super familiar with it at this point in my training, but there are definitely books and websites and therapists dedicated to this process
>>16768565 Truthfully, I don't like people to start off with therapy. Go to Amazon and find a popular highly rated book. Then, after you finished reading it, decide on therapy. This saves you the waste of time and money that is the first 3 to 5 sessions of therapy
>>16768591 Not necessarily. Just pick one on the topic that engages you. Lots of people like reading about other people's struggles with similar things, or they like to look at it in a more objective manner. the best book is the one you'll enjoy reading
I probably have Aspergers and wanna know more, how the diagnosis works and what therapeutic options there are for a 26yo.
Aside from that, I am like >>16767131 and hardly feel good about myself. I feel useless in regards to dating (i mean for me the sense in life is evolution, if I cant get a girl, I basically fail at life)
And the third thing that might affect me might be a father complex as a male, when I was 7-10 my father had to move away for work.
I so far havent found any asperger groups in my area and so i think about finding more similar minded people, what might be good ways for me to do that?
>>16768533 If I remember correctly I was youngish and I didn't really know how anxiety was treated so I just asked what I should treat it with. I didn't actually mention medication but I guess she took it as that
>>16768594 OP here. I totally get you man. I grew up in a house where the only time I saw my dad is when he was beating on my mom. I joined the Army and spent a year in Iraq in 04-05 when it was still hot. And now I'm in my last year of med school. I get the struggle of having friends with tiny problems. You have two real options. You can understand that, for these people, these are significant problems. It's not their fault that their world is so small. And it's not your job as their friend to try to make their world bigger. Accept them for what they are. Or, your second option, try to find friends with similar life experiences. Life is too short to be pissed at your friends for not being what you want them to be.
>>16768594 Stop thinking yourself superior to them. That IS what you're doing, whether you call it that or not. In the end while you judge people for their tiny problems, you're getting judged for sitting on your high-horse, being weird, unsociable, and any number of things that are probably all correct.
Firmly remind yourself of your equally flawed nature every time you catch yourself being a superior, proud ass-faggot.
>>16768612 For diagnosis, it's clinical testing, so it more closely resembles a school test. No brain scans or blood work. For treatment, depends on severity, for you, probably very minimal, like a workbook and a list of things to practice. Third, you don't need to surround yourself with more autistic people. you need socialization.
>>16768636 I cant wrap my mind around, how autistic women would be like. I have been in a relationship for 2.5years, but it didnt work out, partly because of asperger. And i hope, that I would enjoy to have a more autistic partner. I am trying, but so far with little success, how can i get more friends?
I also have a problem with my studies right now. I study medicine and am almost finished, but I am not doing what would be necessary: call up every secretary where I am missing some course or exam, but I have some bad experiences with them, that they dont like me and dont help me, also I had problems with them, because I had to sue my way into this college, I am thinking about getting external help from maybe the handicaped studies secretary or similar, what else can I do? I fear that I might disqualify at some point, I cant bring myself to it since over 1 year now :(
It's adorable how some people are so simple, so childlike, that people being a different skin color than them makes them all upset and angry. It's fucking pathetic. Please consider forming your own racist nation in the middle of the ocean.
Bipolar sufferer/enjoyed here, when badly depressed is it better to force yourself to do things to try and get out of it or lay in bed and let it run its course? Forcing myself to do stuff seems to make it even worse.
>>16768751 Oh yeah. It's the absolute fucking worst. If the person splits a lot, black and white thinking, are either your biggest fan or your worst enemy with nothing in between. Handle the slightest criticism like you said they were the scum of the earth. Threatening suicide every other day. These are the general behaviors of the borderline individual
>>16766884 I generally hate myself. What I say, what I do, how I look. Most of the things are unchangeable. This manifests so strongly that I sometimes want to kill myself. And I even tried to once but failed. What do?
Sometimes I feel guilty about situations that I shouldn't. It's weird to explain but I'll give a recent example....my two friends are getting married and the other night we had a pre-wedding party and at one point me and the bride went out back to smoke some weed in my car. Then like 5 minutes later the groom came out and came to hang out with us.
They're both my good friends I've known since high school so I would never try to put a move on her but when I looked at my guy friend in the eyes I felt like he could read my mind that I was feeling guilty. But I only felt guilty because I felt like he might think I'm feeling guilty...even though he's not that kind of guy to act insecure over something like this.
This kind of stuff happens to me all the time. Another example is when I go into a bank I feel like bank tellers think I'm going to rob them, or if I walk into a store an employee thinks I'm going to steal because I look suspicious even though I don't rob or steal.
I do have social anxiety but I don't know why this kind of stuff happens to me
Dunno if you're still here, OP, but if you are, I'd love your input.
How to deal with loneliness? This isn't a "how do I GF" or "how do I have friends" question, it's more of a "how do I keep sane" sort of thing.
It's been awhile, and I have friends, and a reasonable amount of social activity (although not as much as I'd like to have), but I'm still lonely all the time. Is there any way of coping that doesn't involve self-medication with drugs?
I'm waiting to hear back about getting victim's counseling. Wtf do I do in the mean time? I don't sleep well unless I know other people are awake in the house. I haven't been eating much. I haven't been to work in over a week.
I was the victim of domestic violence and I'm just not coping well. It doesn't help that he keeps doing these crazy things to get back at me. Yesterday when I was waiting to hear back from the police about him breaking bail, he posted my phone number in a Craigslist ad and I missed the call while I was trying to get the post taken down. I had to change my phone number.
This morning I made it farther than I have getting ready for work. I managed to shower and get dressed, but then when I was putting my lunch together I suddenly couldn't stop shaking. I tried to calm down, but I ended up puking. I couldn't go.
Has anyone dealt with something like this? I just want to go live my life, and I feel out of control of my own body and mind. I can't miss any more work, and I don't know when I'll be able to schedule counseling or if victim services even has room for me. Help?
>>16768976 Not OP, but don't let your self esteem depend on having a gf. Be happy with who you are first, and improve your life as much as you can (get learned, get /fit/, max out social skills) and once you're validating yourself then you are the definition of what girls will look for: a fun, self confident guy who isn't desperate for attention. Once you stop caring, you will be free
>>16766884 I have been taking 20 mg paroxetine daily for 3 months now, I cant orgasm anymore. I fucked this girl for an half an hour and she jerked me for atleast 15 minutes and sucked me off for another 20 minutes but i didnt cum.
It is a known effect with this drug but i am using it for my depression, how do i orgasm with this stuff\?
>>16769008 I'm on that path, it's just that this whole self-validation thing is a doozy. My entire sense of self-worth seems to be based on how much I'm worth to other people - but that's another story.
I'm mainly just trying to cope in the meantime while I figure out a way to feel better about who I am, whether it be through finding a different approach to my own self-image or grinding out objective improvements over time, and that's where I'm having trouble. It just feels like the tunnel keeps getting longer and the light keeps getting dimmer - I know I have to keep walking, but there's no real metric for determining where I am.
>>16768722 helper complex of course And I have been coping more and more in the last years no germany, here its very hard to get into med school, you need to have around 99% in your A-levels and a lot of people sue their way in, and so did I
I feel like a robot. Nothing on the outside and nothing on the inside. People can make fun of me I brush it away. People praise me I could care less. I have no goal and no purpose. I dont do much anymore, used to game and drink but quit it because I got bored and being social was getting annoying. I am sarcastic around people to pass the time at work. Now I feel desensitized to life and nothing is fun anymore. I thought my condition as schizoid personality disorder.
Not OP, but personally when I fell into a depression I just combatted it myself. It was brought on by a series of circumstances, rather than just some 'boom, suddenly you're sick for no reason' brain/genetics thing, and there was some other shit going on that made seeking treatment 'inconvenient' at the time, so I sort of figured "well, I'll just work on reversing the circumstances that got me here and that'll make my brain work normally again, bada bing bada boom." But it's been a long, fucking miserable ride, and there were definitely some scary periods. If you're going to go it alone you need to be aware of when things are really getting out of your control, and to also trust that you'll have it in you to actually reach out if it comes to that, otherwise things can get deadly.
I definitely think the smarter thing to do is just get help with it. Any particular reasons you're reluctant? How prolonged and debilitating is what you're dealing with? I don't have any personal experience with what getting help looks like, but I don't think you have to actually go to therapy or anything if you don't want to. Other members of my family have had mental health issues including depression and I've never heard of anyone getting therapy. It actually surprised me how simply it was all handled, pretty much just a matter of going to the doctor and getting treated like any other sickness.
>>16766884 Is psychiatry your passion? How did you decide on your line of work? Are you satisfied?
I'm getting older, have worked multiple jobs in multiple industries, and I still can't tell you how to make money with the things I love to do. I feel immense pressure to just keep my current day job, stay in my current city, and try to make the best out of it.
But I'm not happy. I can and want to do more. I want to do a lot of different things that aren't necessarily related in other fields.
In short, I'm having everyday panic attacks, My neck twitch almost constantly, i'm pretty sad and think about suicide, i fantasize about hurting myself and especially others, i really want to get a gun and a knife. Do you think I need to see a psychiatrist? because i really want to.
>>16766884 Met a girl in my first year of college. Rarely talked to her. Never saw her again for four years. Still thinking about her. Saw her again today, I felt really bad and pathetic. How to forget?
>>16769937 I would say that medicine is my passion. I would be happy doing almost every speciality, but psych is pretty rewarding, the pay is fantastic, and it's neat to be able to help people live better lives instead of just helping them live longer lives What do you have a passion for?
>>16769861 That's depression, schizoid is a personality disorder, everything you are describing is a mood disorder. The term anhedonia means a lack of interest, which is common in people who are depressed. It isn't just feeling sad.
>>16769057 If you are really happy with the Paxil then stay on it. Just try to avoid masterbating, and learn to enjoy marathon sex sessions. Also, pot seems to kind of help or hinder, so either try it or stop using it. And if you are willing to switch to a different medication, Wellbutrin works well, usually better than Paxil, and doesn't have the ejaculatory issue
I hate myself as in the way I talk, what I say, the sound of my voice, my personality, what makes my character. But I starve myself and enjoy looking at my body in the mirror every morning when my ribs protrude, when my stomach is flat, when my hip bones are accentuated. As soon as I eat breakfast I feel fat and disgusting. I have no confidence, I can't stand up to my dad, I can't stand up to anyone, I'm having trouble at college because I hate it. Sitting next to my parents makes me nauseous, nervous like I want to get away. When I'm outside of my home I feel a bit relieved but I still think about them all the time and think about what will they say when I get home. I think about suicide every day, when I don't think only about it, it overshadows every other of my thoughts. I'm having a hard time finding friends and while I do go out every week at least once I have trouble liking other people, and often even tolerating them. I have terrible feeling of guilt after everything I say, and I often feel I'm being observed and it's making me uncomfortable. I feel like I don't deserve anything and it's hard for me to appreciate anything all while everyone else expects gratitude for anything they do for me.
>>16766884 I'm basically a weeb with little "common" interests. Part of my life was avoiding others by fear of rejection and seeing them as mindless and worthless people. The last few years however, I began to see people in a better light. My studies led me to want an elementary school teacher's career, which appeals a lot to my sense of ethics as there is much to do about it in my country (France).
This year I take the required exam, and was finally able to make acquaintances with people from my group. I rarely ever talked to girls, but there is 90% for them here so I was eventually about to have conversations with them, even if mostly about work.
I also fell in love with a girl I tried to help with studies, and am currently trying to step away from the relation as she can only see me as a friend. This is going well so far, but getting a girlfriend is a lifelong worry for me, and reading about meeting people with the help of friends on this board resonated with me since I already heard this advice before in my life.
Being more social is also what I want, humans are social creatures so I guess this is normal. Sorry for the long post.
(TLDR) How do I go about making friends having very little things in common with other people?
Sounds like you see yourself in the harshest light possible, and a lot of self depricating behavior. Also sounds like your parents probably have caused more harm than good in this department.
Changing how you feel about yourself is a long process, but really, there isn't anything more important in life.
List your three most positive attributes. Write them down on a piece of paper. Put it in your wallet. Go see someone to help you work through these problems. You learned to see yourself in such a negative way. You can unlearn it.
>>16772211 Are you saying I should be more curious about other people, and maybe also about new topics? Or do you imply that finding common interests is someting all people can do regardless of what they know, and that I'm only imagining that I can't?
Should I start getting therapy? Pretty much my entire life I've been too scared to put myself in social situations for fear of being ridiculed, even using social media is impossible for me because of how strong these feelings are, and as a result I got out of my way to isolate myself from others.
I also have alot of problems when it comes to talking about myself, or articulating how I feel to others effectively. I think I just appear kind of weird or funny to other people, but inside I'm incredibly fucking depressed and angry at myself for being so autistic.
I broke up with my undiagnosed BPD girlfriend a couple weeks ago. It was tumultuous, to say the least.
We were together for a year. But I can't stop thinking about her -- even though she was by all metrics the worst girlfriend I've had. The things she put me through, the stress and emotional wreckage, really just makes me depressed now.
I feel really lonely and depressed right now, and can't help but want to date her again. But I know this isn't the smart thing to do...
Why am I even entertaining those thoughts? I need to break away, but I just can't...
I'm generally not interested in anything including my university degree, and I'm not the kind of guy who has any other subject to be interested in either. I sometimes find parts of my topic interesting but not enough to do any outside reading.
How do I get hobbies and interests? I feel like I have enough fun just browsing the internet and playing videogames all the time but it makes me into a zombie who's not able to pick anything else up. Sooner or later I won't be able to just force myself to study the bare minimum to pass exams
I am a sociopath. Is there any sort of treatment for it? I've never seen sociopathy as a problem, but I've realized that I have zero incentive to make friends or keep contact with them. I use people to get something and then I leave them, then later I realize I need them for something, and I can't get a hold of them anymore. I have no friends, which does not bother me. What bothers me is that if I want to get drugs I have to go out of my way to ''make friends'' and shit. I usually go to a bar, make up some story about how my gf dumped me or something and people give me free drugs. I am sick of it. I am sick of not living in a Capitalist society where I can just go into a store and buy what I want, I need to jump trough hoops and lie to people to get what I want.
Some days are great, most days I'm still a little dragged down. My productivity/stamina's still kind of shot in terms of pursuing things that I enjoy, but I generally I feel much more capable of making good choices that'll continue to pay off, like to actually get off my ass to do a little exercise etc. So things are only getting better, I reckon.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing well at all, and now I have the emotional capacity to kind of freak out about it. But then I have to remember, it wasn't too long ago that I couldn't feel anything at all and pretty much couldn't even get out of bed for a week at a time, just spending all day staring at the ceiling and visualising the locations of every sharp object in the house. Days where I'd have to genuinely pat myself on the back for achieving a self-imposed challenging of standing up for 15 minutes to make eggs instead of just bringing a box of cheerios to bed. So in comparison to that, I'm doing CRAZY better. That period seems downright foreign to me now and it's scary that I let it get so bad. But the whole thing kind of crept up on me, so by the time I realised I probably needed help, I'd set the bar so low that my "time to ask for help" line to cross was "cutting myself" or "pissing in jars" neither of which I ever did. Unless you count the time I realised I never made any promises to not burn myself, or when I just stopped drinking water because I didn't want to get up for the bathroom anymore, or when I mulled "technically if I slit my wrists and someone finds my body, that'd count as letting someone know" - but then I read online that wrist slitting only has like a 6% fatality rate, and figured at that rate I might as well just tell someone, so I didn't do it (or tell anyone). This is the kind of thing I mean by being careful that things aren't getting out of hand - looking for loopholes to cross the line because by that point I just didn't have the energy to keep my promise of getting help.
>>16766884 I hang out with a few people I call my "friends" but in all honesty the relationship I have with them is anything but friendship. We hang out sometimes and drink or on the rare occasion eat out but for the most part I feel so languid (and maybe an inkling of disgust) whenever I'm around them. I don't necessarily dislike the group of people I'm with, they're great guys, but oftentimes (if not always) I just don't want to hang out with them or anyone in general. The thought of hanging out with someone appears and I feel giddy for a fraction of a second then I'm overcome with melancholy and feel ill that I backtrack on my previous thoughts and just stay at home. I feel these emotions are impeding me from developing any meaningful relationships but I'm not sure if I want to fix it or continue feeling this way since I honestly enjoy the isolation and loneliness.
>>16772651 OP here Those BPD bitches are a pretty wild ride! They kind of pull you down the rabbit hole a little bit. They do a great job at making you feel like you are the most important person in the world, because for a brief period, to them, you really are.
Just lick your wounds. Don't romanticize. It'll be fine
>>16772831 OP here. I totally agree. People think that just because we go to medical school we somehow have all the knowledge. I really started this thread to answer medication questions, but so much stuff is common sense
>>16773593 There is no cure. There is even debate as to whether or not to consider it a condition, because it permeates society at all different levels. Who is to say that not having a moral compass is abnormal?
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