I'm a 27 year old sleeping with a body pillow every night dreaming of big spooning a guy that doesn't even talk to me. On my mind we have private conversation about how much I like the shape of his eyes but in reality I'm just stupid.
Bitch fucking touched my head like we're something or like she wants to get close again and I should've played along since it was right near Christmas but I didn't or maybe before you've been wanting me to make a move like when you were eating the hotdog while glancing at me across from you maybe then when we were alone I could've said something or when you opened up to me about what you've done before but well I didn't and now it is all of our time to go into the "real world" as in 2 weeks from now it will be the next 5 months of partying smoking and drinking it away and then I don't know maybe when driving I'll finally just turn the wheel a bit too much into a pole and it wouldn't be anyone's fault just an accident so peace all
People are stupid, delusional and wrong. I hate how I keep getting sucked into arguing with people who are clearly nowhere near my level and just resort to flinging shit and regurgitating garbage that's demonstrably false.
I wish I could say it was trolls, but most people seem to actually believe all these incredibly stupid things. They need to constantly stroke their egos and reaffirm their world view and it just makes me want to kill them all.
I had a whole different life online til a few months ago. When i was a kid i had this imaginary friend who would come in my dreams and tell me these fucked up stories. I grew attached to him and when i was around 12 or so i started sleeping more on purpose just to talk to him. Sometimes i would hear his voice at night. He was a good friend, but he blackmailed me in my dreams. He forced me to tell all my friends about him. So i did. I became obsessed with him and i had 3 groups of friends online pretending to be him. I told them what he told me to, and if i didnt, he wouldnt let me sleep.
I can't help but compare my life to others. Went to a big get-together last night and the back patio conversation went toward our lives, what we've been up to, etc.
>"So anon, what have you been doing these past few years? It has been a while!"/"Yeah man, haven't seen you in a good minute. How's it been?" >realize they all have lucrative careers, went to college/uni, are very smart and have lively, interesting lives >the fact that I'm almost 30 hits hard >struggling with depression, substance abuse, unemployment, live a simple, introverted lifestyle and even speaking to these people is draining >be pretty blunt about my situation but sound upbeat and hopeful >can see they're all slowly looking down on me >conversation keeps shifting toward their interests, pursuits and crazy expensive vacations >wander away from the party and go home >wonder if my life has been wasted and if it's too late for me >pet cats, check on indoor garden, stare at ceiling >start drinking a shit ton of wine
>friend offers to tutor me >asks to be paid a flat, low rate and promises to stick with me until i pass my final >buy him lunches whenever i could as a good gesture >he was okay with arrangement >get promoted at PT intern job >now working full time and able to quit my shitty McJob >friend is bothered i got a job that makes around the same amount as him >"I'm helping you Anon and now you're making nearly as much as I do..." >repeats this nearly every session >mentions I'm making so much money that i can afford to buy him lunch >never mind that i have to pay rent, tuition, cell phone, save for car AND occasionally help my mom with her bills >new job pays the bills but only difference is that it;s a little easier to put away for the car instead of putting away whenever i was lucky >starts asking for gas money >figure it's only fair but starts asking for shit like EZ-Pass money >now wants me to do him "favors" as a "friend" since i'm "single" >gets mad when i don't want to talk about sex and starts fucking up sessions >pops randomfuck questions on me and refuses to speak unless i answer right away in the way he wants >studying is fucked, class is getting fucked >calls me and says "something" needs to happen because he's got a full work schedule and no time for bullshits >so i stop scheduling and start asking people on facebook >calls me up and says since i need expert lessons from him i need to cough up $2k >what >"You should have the money since you make almost as much as me. How soon can you get the money together" >#byefelicia >starts bombing me with texts when i form a study group >hear everything from i owe him money to how i discarded him for not being good enough anymore >take the faggot mature route and tell him he was an "excellent" teacher but i just want to get to know my classmates better
>>16671428 >pass final weeks later >thank him first because he did teach me a lot of basics dand then thank study group >gives normal response to my thanks >keep talking to study group buddies about what we're going to do next >notice he posts tumblr memes right after every post about disloyal friends or being used >be at work >busy as hell >get a text from him demanding i call him because we need to talk >say i'm at work and ask about what >"call me" >guess it's not that important so i forget about it >go home to see multiple facebook posts from him about "people" using him like a fool and him playing the nice guy for people who don't deserve it >rant started around the time he texted me >friends ask him what's it all about >says he wanted to "put the message out there for the right people to see" >thisisbeito.jpg >post on facebook about my cousin giving birth yesterday >get message from him: "Oh so you do still use Facebook"
You know I didn't know asking someone for tutoring would be this dramatic.
>>16671492 I don't know if it's just me or what but this is the third time I had some guy weird out on me once they find out I'm single but have no interest in doing anything romantic with them. They always start wanting to do thing for me "as a friend" and even though they never actually like me, they expect me to act like we're more than friends. They get upset when I friendzone them (I mean, if I'm not getting courted the old fashioned way, it might as well be friendship) and then want to be "paid back" for their "friendship". Maybe I should just start telling guys I'm asexual or celibate or whatever. Though I do have the guys who want me to prove my heterosexuality by sleeping with them. Because I MUST be a lesbian if I don't have any reaction to them telling me they want some pussy around their meat. Getting tired of these weirdos. I guess I really shouldn't try to be friends with guys anymore.
I pissed on a gravestone once. I was really fucked up back then. I didn't mean any disrespect, I was basically doing a lot of shit because I was sick of life and wanted an imaginary god to be mad at me.
Someone close to me passed away this year, and if someone did that to her gravestone, I'd be furious. So now I just remembered that and I feel bad about it. Sorry anonymous person.
>>16671541 In fairness, it's worth noting there is a difference between "genuinely enjoys your company, but would totally fuck you if given the chance" (how almost every guy feels towards his female friends) and "literally only hanging around you because he wants to fuck you" (pretty scummy, and NOT something every does/would do.) It sounds like she's had the bad luck to run into mostly guys of the second type.
But I've always thought that guys just aren't interested in me, even sexually and even had one or two of them tell me that I'm just not their type and then later get upset I am disregarding their FUCK ME PLEASE hints. I'm getting tired of these games though.
I'm a useless failure of a human being and I'm too apathetic to fix any aspect of my 100% shit life. All of my problems are self inflicted and I know it, but that just makes me feel worse about myself. I wish I were delusional enough to have a waifu or a tulpa to keep me company but I can't do it. I'm bored all the time and nothing interests me any more. I work a shit job and have zero aspiration to change. I had plenty of dreams and ambitions when I was younger but now I have nothing at all. I used to write and draw and I was good at those things. I used to read books every day. I used to have friends. I used to do well in school. The list of things I've failed at or become too depressed and apathetic to put any effort into is a mile long and every day it gets longer. I'm too much of a coward to kill myself and I hate myself even more because of that. When it comes to being a useless piece of shit, well, that's all I'm really good at. I waste so much time every day just mindlessly browsing the internet and drifting further and further away from meaningful human contact. I hate myself and I don't think it's possible for anyone to love me. I don't think I deserve to be loved. I fell in love once and to say it ended badly would be the understatement of the century. I feel like a rat in a maze with no exit. No matter how much I scurry around trying to get this or that goal accomplished it's all a futile waste of energy because I can't get out of the maze, and I've spent so long inside it that I wouldn't know what to do with freedom even if I somehow managed to obtain it.
I used to be decent looking and my appearance these days is haggard and exhausted. No one would choose me, not even for the most superficial reasons imaginable. I'm a pushover. I cry easily. I'm lonely and miserable and I desperately wish that I had friends, but I pushed all of my friends away by being a psychotic schizophrenic. There's no use for something like me. Fuck it all.
>>16671587 Every girl I have met, even some I have dated, that did not realize their attractiveness, or had low self-esteem, have shared that view. I even gave the Nigerian Prince line to a couple. Don't feel bad, as it is a bitter pill to swallow.
Okay, now you know. Listen to whomever, but remember what I said about the men that enter your life under the pretense of friendship, and you'll see the truth in what I have said.
We lie all the time to make ourselves look better, regardless of gender. Some men think that approach works, etc... after they weasel their way in via friendship. Shitty, true.
Okay, here it goes: I have a very low esteem of myself, I constantly think about suicide I'm NOT one of those "emos" who have self-diagnosed depression. I have a negative view on every aspect of myself, and the actions of others. I fear that I will never achieve anything in life. I fear that I'm becoming corrupted and have a constant lust for murder. I am a very shy and introverted person- yet some peers would consider me "trustworthy" and "outgoing" yet they barely even know anything about me.
There's a world of difference between pursing a friendship with somebody because they're smart, funny and kind and you like hanging out with them, while simply failing to actively suppress whatever physical attraction you might feel towards them ...
... and PRETENDING to find somebody smart, funny and kind because you hope that if you're nice enough to them for a long time they just might fuck you.
The latter behavior is deceptive, cynical, and manipulative. The former ... isn't.
If you can't see the difference between the two I'm not going to waste time talking to you.
I wish I'd never been born. My entire life up until this point has been a waste of time. All I ever do is leech off the kindness of other people. I wish I had the energy to turn this angst into something productive, because that's the only thing that makes me feel like I deserve to feel things in the first place, but I'm just too fucking worn out to do anything or accomplish anything worthwhile. I predict nothing but suffering, delusions of grandeur, and crippling disappointment in my future. I'm not remarkable in the slightest. I was fucking stupid to think I would ever amount to anything. It took me too damn long to learn my place. Now I get it. I finally understand. I'm scum. I'm the cautionary tale. I'm the bad example. Life would be easier if I could just live alone in the arctic wilderness until I die. At least then I couldn't disappoint anyone or hurt them by being a fuckup.
>>16671628 I felt exactly this way for a long time and I found out that I was probably wrong.
Maybe you're wrong too, maybe you're not. In the grand scheme of things, it's all insignificant anyways. Might as well keep playing the game a little longer. One day I woke up, and things started to change. Half a year later, everything changed. I think optimism is fucking stupid considering the world we live in, but it's possible to do more than just survive.
>>16671648 It's alright to feel this shitty, it happens to all of us. It's also okay to not be able to be optimistic right now. But it'll get better, because there is goodness and light out there; it's just hard as hell to see when the blindfold of apathy and self-hatred is pulled over your eyes. Just keep your head up and you'll be alright someday.
>>16671657 You didn't make any points. You accused me of rationalizing and performing mental gymnastics without backing it up in the least. You claimed that the two things I said were essentially the same; I rejected your false equivalency and clearly explained why I saw it as such. Reread the conversation, without just reacting to my tone, and you'll see I've addressed everything you've said and you've written almost nothing of substance.
I "rephrased the inclinations" to clarify them and make what I meant unambiguous.
>A real friendship involves no sexual attraction. You know, my instinct was to disagree, but I'm not even sure I do, because the sexual attraction isn't a component in the friendship. It's completely tangential to it. Here's a hypothetical to illustrate what I'm talking about: a straight man is good friends with an attractive young woman. Not being blind, he can't help but notice sometimes, in passing, that she's attractive, and if she propositioned him, he'd probably say yes (assuming he's not shy, or attached, or highly religious, or ...) This occasional attraction has no bearing on the friendship; he values her for her company, not her looks, and if she spontaneously changed into a man or became obese or something else happened to render her unattractive in his eyes, their friendship would continue unchanged.
So. You're taking the stance that such a friendship is either impossible, or isn't a 'true' friendship? Am I mistaken?
My boyfriend says he loves me. I really like him too but it is hard actually getting over feeling scared of him breaking up with me over something silly so I can be at ease and develop stronger feelings for him. I have strong feelings for him and I don't want to lose him, but he has many times talked about multiple things that would cause him to break up with me and it seems like even though he says he loves me it would be so easy for him to just walk away and forget about me. This scares me a bit and as a result I haven't told him a couple things about me because I fear he will just toss me to the side and I don't want to lose him and I really do like him a lot. Also it makes me wary because I feel like, "How much can he really like me if he would just leave me over something so simple?" and makes me scared to develop stronger feelings for him even though I feel like we do so well together. It is just scary and I don't know how I can bring up these important things to him. I feel like I am blocked off from progressing how I feel about him until we can talk this out but I am scared that because of things he has said in the past that something like that might break our relationship.
last night i went out, got drunk and beta'd fucking everywhere and ended up telling my best friend how depressed i was.
how do i stop being overly dependent on my poor best friend who puts up with me through this shit.
i need a hobby or something but i can not think of anything i'm interested in besides working. which is funny because my job is budgetting back on shifts and i am stuck at home with nothing to do but rot away.
>>16671744 He probably wouldn't actually leave you over those things. I had dealbreakers once, but I met a girl I really like and suddenly those dealbreakers didn't matter at all. I still mentioned them from time to time, I wasn't super happy that she did certain things, but ultimately it didn't matter and I didn't go anywhere. Assuming his dealbreakers are small things (like not dating someone religious for example) and not something major (like if you pressure him to have kids he'd sooner leave than have them) then he's probably not 100% serious.
I think it'd be worth bringing up next time you talk deeply about your relationship. It's a valid concern and hopefully he would listen to you. Just tell him that you like him a lot and you need to know that he loves you for sure, because when he talks about ditching like it'd be so easy, it makes you second guess everything he says.
So, if he cares about you and you're a good fit, he probably wouldn't want to leave, even if you did break one of his dealbreakers or whatever. And, if he actually would leave you over something silly, then of course that'd hurt, but that'd just mean he's not the guy for you.
My friend is making me feel super guilty about sleeping in past her niece and nephews first basketball games of the year when I told them I would be going. I don't have a car right now (carpool/public transport to work) and that I was relying on a ride there. I work 12 hour days and tend to sleep heavily on the weekends, so I can see how it's my fault to sleeping in past my alarm but she just made me absolutely terrible telling me the kids were super upset and that is might effect their game. I know I'm supposed to be a positive male role model in their life because that's just the role I've naturally fallen into, but it's hard sometimes.
>>16671764 We don't really have deep talks about our relationship and usually just spend time with eachother and enjoy eachother's company. He gets really weird and defensive whenever I bring up anything I need to talk about though and can kind of blow things out of proportion even if what we are talking about is simple. I am mostly scared of one situation that happened less than a year ago that I really wish had went differently or I could have done something about. A little under a year ago (before me and my boyfriend were dating) someone was threatening me and I had to be in a couple situations where this guy violated me and I couldn't just go away or tell anyone what was going on or he would lie and get me in a lot of trouble with my job. I had no choice but to go back to this man a couple of times and hadn't told anyone about it because I was scared and it would have really messed things up. It makes me feel really weak, and the whole situation is still really scary to think about and I am ashamed that it happened and I didn't do anything differently and wasn't able to find a way out. My boyfriend probably wouldn't be happy to hear that it happened and might think it was weak of me, or not understand how it happened or how much it is painful for me to think about. He gets extremely touchy when I bring up stuff he has said, and would probably also not take it well if I mentioned that I was feeling insecure because what he said has in the past made me second guess a lot of things he says too... I'm not sure how to bring it up in a way that wouldn't start him off defensive to be honest. And yeah true, it would just suck though. I really enjoy hanging out with him and really care about him and he cares about me. I don't want it to end because I like being in a relationship with him and actually having someone I can talk to and relate to and do things and have good times with. I don't really connect with a lot of people and i connect well with him
>>16671853 Besides his anger management issues he is really nice and we get along well and have a lot of common interests. I don't think he will change for a long time, and we have talked out quite a few things and even when he gets pretty irrational he sometimes acknowledges it later. I will try to bring up stuff at some point but I just have to think of a good way to do it and if he is not fine with things I might just have to accept being lonely. I can't just act like stuff is fine. I will try to talk to him about stuff at some point but I guess I am just not ready to right now. Thanks for writing me responses anon! Have a nice day
>>16670841 I know! And then you have these people who just repeat the same thing over and never actually addressing your points. Like the other day someone kept saying I was "projecting". I never got an answer as to what I was projecting, they just kept saying it. Then dismissing the entire thing, "oh i'm too good for this conversation" etc.
It's at that point that I start shit flinging because, well.. fuck 'em. They're not interested in what I have to say, they're dumb and on top of that they're full of themselves. They'll try to rightly assert that the sky is yellow and because you're not on their perceived "level" (lol), you're in the wrong. This is obviously fallacious by the strictest definition but I can take an appeal to authority (lmao) on occasion.
Do you know how prevalent narcissism is becoming with millennials? There is no point arguing or talking to them but if you have to, make it a quick affair by asking "why" for every stupid thing they assert. They'll change the subject.
Why? I read it in an article and have had some success with some with it!
im depressed but i know deep inside that im happy and all these negative thoughts are starting to bother me a lot.... my mother died few years ago and im not the same person from that day.... im thinking today to ask a friend today if we can maybe talk about me to find problems if there are any , beacuse i didnt have anyone to talk to about it how i feel
it's 3am here why the fuck am i still awake what cosmic force sparked the chain of events that led me to be up until 3am for no fucking reason whatsoever
dear whoever, please be nice i dont ask for much only the best possible circumstances for me in this and future lives which i feel are not reflected in my current situation though i stress that i do not question your judgement
5:27 am. Have been awake since 1. Need to be up for classes in an hour. Have been nonstop thinking of my ex. Just jerked off to her fb pics hoping I was just horny and missing fucming her. I don't feel much relief. I still love you, O. I've been miserable and lost without you and it's all my fault.
>>16672062 Your life may be a coincidence, but you can make so much more out of it. I don't know, you can always try to make a change, offer your help to someone who needs it. Call me naive, but I believe it will come back to you.
It's a pity, though, that in recent times I feel that I'm shitty at cheering people up. Make me feel down. I dunno, all I can say is someone will care. If not now, then eventually. You just have to believe in it. That's what I keep telling myself...
This week isn't going to be lonely. Today, I woke up and played a game, with my pal, and then I had to leave, to meet with another - went to one of my friend's house. I gave him head, and then we chilled being idiots, we fell asleep for a bit. He got sentimental over text. I am confused. Back at home, I started up another game. But my heart wasn't in it, so I watched Pulp Fiction, and drank wine. I drank most of the wine on my kid brother (well he's turning 18 this year), he was upset because there was no soda in the house, so we had to make do with what we had. Then I thought about the week coming. There isn't much to do from now until Saturday. I have no other friends that would want to see me, and I only have 5 friends. My best pal is up in the country, until she comes down for her baby shower. Until then I'm not going to have anything to do, apart from waste my time. Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up, and stay home. This is weird, after months of having work for the dole, I'm finally going to go back to job searching, which isn't draining at all. I'm going to have to fill in the hours between waking up and going back to sleep. Do I resent the NEET life? Not yet. See what happens in the next fortnight, and how bored I will get without anyone to keep me company. I'll write about how miserable I am, then.
Honestly, if you asked me why i stopped talking to you. Its because I was afraid. I was afraid that I might like you and I wasn't sure that you liked me. I was afraid of telling you how I really feel because i knew it would break me. I wish I could talk to you one last time but my ego wont let me
Someday, I won't be made fun of for being poor and having a bike. Someday, I won't be treated like I'm ignorant because I'm under-educated . Someday, I won't feel like I can be as easily killed as a mouse. However, none of this will happen if I just set around and being angry at the world because I can't when a game of smash.
>be autistic >be unattractive >have no friends irl >meet love of life online >trust >doesnt want to play club penguin with me >finds out he is pussy begging wannabe engineer trash who gets priviliges because of "mental issues" >constantly lies, cheats >demands nudes and expensive gifts(lacks empathy) >i say no to nudes >he uses allergy meds to try and khs >get back together, he enslaves me to hours of mmos >have to deal with 2 stalkers now >his parents hate me >everyone i try to date after is "a victim" yet is using me and nonmonogamy continues; said person rapes you and ends up in jail because of different reason >cant get good grades because constant noise is irritatin >i just want someone who is isolated, isnt superficial, and likes LOTR as much as I do
She was as close to the one I've found so far. I'm sure I'll find better and I mean that. I just regret being needy, being such a fag, doing such obvious things wrong. You live and learn. Don't like her anymore but I relish the thought of one day meeting her and snubbing her, getting the final kick in. I'd want to be a gentleman, but everyone is so savage these days you must be a touch savage back.
>tfw slowly turning into a transphobe I'm not going to intentionally misgender people or call for their extermination but every time I see the words "as a trans person" all I can think is oh boy here we go. They're loud, obnoxious, and take over every space they crawl into with MUH TRANSMAHSOGYNY/TRANSMEESANDRY and JENDOR STRUGGLES, then throw temper tantrums when the spotlight isn't 100% trans issues 100% of the time. Wat do
I tried killing myself twice recently and now I'm scared that I will try to again. I literally force myself to be with people at all times just to keep myself safe. I can't be alone anymore, and when I am I end up calling people just so I can keep myself grounded. It feels like I'm going to try again, like it is inevitable, and that scares the shit out of me. I don't want to die but in the back of my head that thought is always there. Just do it, do it you pussy. It never shuts off. I know I need help, but the therapist I was referred to never gets back to me.
My ex dumped me but turns out she still loved me and was waiting for me to pursue her to get her back. I was such heartbroken and thought she never wanted to see me again, instead i should have manned up, pursue her and tell her i still loved her and it shouldnt be over between us. Now, she said too long time have passed now and her feelings are gone. Just saw on FB she's in love with a new guy now. it sucks that the fact we could still be together but i didnt do anything to keep her. Man it SUCKS.
How the fuck can I be happy with a dead end temporary "maintenance" job in a hotel? I am so much better than spending my days cleaning up after other people.. But I really need a job right now so I can get have a better future because right now my future is me sitting on the computer trying to get around being entry level and trying to beat around the fact that I have to take step one in order to get further in life. How can I just be happy in the moment and see the light at the end of the tunnel without letting my negative/depression thoughts get in the way? What the fuck !
I fucking hate my life. I get 5 fucking years worth of work assigned to me to do in one hour, and I've contemplated killing myself multiple times. Because of pent up stress, I'm extremely violent and people hate me. Every day I get closer and closer to complete insanity, and can't hold myself from seriously hurting everyone I can for very long. The only release from this horrible hell that I live in is 4chan, where I feel welcomed. I'm about to snap, and nobody will listen to me or help me, so I'm almost ready to kill myself.
Today my husband asked for a divorce and I was relieved. So now I am not a disgusting whore. Now I can spend the night when someone I like asks me to, like you. Not that it would have made a difference. Because last night I realized that no one like you could want me for anything but one night's mistake. But when I saw you last night I thought about you again. I like seeing you, even if you keep your back turned to me the whole time.
My brain isn't functioning very well. Or maybe it is, I can't tell. I can't reason or form thoughts. I don't really understand what words mean.
I might be extremely depressed. I don't know. Maybe whatever resources or working memory is available to the conscious mind is being used by active counterbalancing for sources of anxiety. If I was somehow trying to rewrite my mental patterns, I don't know if I would know.
Kind of want to die in a way I can't recall ever feeling before.
I have to finish my thesis by the end of the month or I'm screwed big time. My advisor will be gone for good after that. I have only myself to blame for not starting my research earlier. My whole future depends on meeting this deadline. I can't afford to start over.
My ex didn't pay the internet bill and when I confronted him and asked him why he said he didn't know when to pay even though it's due every month and he knows the log in for the account so he can check when it's due. I messaged him when he was out of the country and he blocked me instead of paying. I pointed this out to him and he got very angry and said he wishes I would die and that I was a huge bitch who should kill myself I was so furious I slapped him and he grabbed my arms very tightly and twisted them so I head butted him in the face so he would let go and he threw me across the room and I can't tell anyone about this I feel so awful I shouldn't have slapped him but I don't deserve to be spoken to like that I've never said anything like that to him
>>16673827 Now I feel it. I'm "asleep", and part of me is fighting against waking up. Probably because I'm all fucked up, and no matter what state I find myself in, something is awful about it. I don't want to end up in some hypomanic delusional haze. Or drowned in anxiety.
When will I learn how to live. I don't think I will ever be able to salvage this.
>>16674065 Does anyone have any advice about addressing and reconciling learned helplessness? The logical path of least resistance is obvious to re-evaluate and find viable solutions, then actually try them. The problem is the learned helplessness is not against my environment, it's against me. I'm used to failing to prevent my mind from fucking me to wherever it wants to go, despite the large amount of control I have over some things, some aspects I just can't do anything about.
Help. I used to cling to these tools like a safety blanket, but I can't live this anymore.
>It's past midnight so it's technically Monday >Exam in university in the morning >Spent the entirety of yesterday playing CoD and sleeping
I'm okay since I've spent a while revising for this but I'm pretty anxious right now.
I remember the last time I sat an exam because I almost had to throw up because of nerves because out of about 18 potential questions that we could be asked I only revised for two and needed to get into university.
The two questions I had planned for came up
Still anxious though - I had this problem when I couldn't stop shaking whilst having my teeth removed.
I'll watch these fat people on tv, crack on with some reading, and hit the hay.
/vp/ is a shit board and I hope it gets terminated soon.
Then again, why do I speak of this when the fucking /mlp/ board still exists? That's the thing. The worst part i that unlike /mlp/, /vp/ has nearly no modship, and the modship that IS there is merely some asshole getting offended by people flooding a worthless pokegirl thread.
Yes, pokegirl threads are worthless. You can always find that same content on /h/, /e/, /u/, and sometimes /d/.
I have this haunting feeling that I'm never going to find love. I put so much effort into my relationships only for it to blow up in my face for reasons out of my control. I don't want to settle for ANY affection and be miserable. But I don't like being lonesome either. it sucks to see everyone getting married and starting families around me and I don't even really know anyone I'd WANT to be married to.
Chatted with my cousin for a while today. It was nice to hear her voice again. I am moving to the city she and her sister live in at the end of this month due to studies. The girls are pretty exited about it. The younger one even straight up told me that I should come live in their home once again. The fact that they genuinely enjoy my company, and are happy a bout the prospect of us being able to spend time together more regularly, warms my heart.
I'm going to an event for babies at the public library to try and make friends with other young parents. But I probably won't because I'm too shy to initiate conversation with anyone. I wish I were more confident and friendly, but I'm always anxious that me trying to befriend someone is going to inconvenience them.
>>16676267 Could very well be. It manifested in me as a total apathy towards everything. Seeking out a therapist and medication played a big part in helping me to start my recovery.
>>16676270 I got no desire to molest my cousins. Me moving to the same city is due to finally getting accepted to a school in there. The fact that there are my relatives living in the same city is just a plus.
>>16676298 I guess trying to seek therapist wouldn't be so bad. I just don't know, something jams my thoughts and stops me if i want to do something. I just don't think that i'm depressed, but no idea what it could be. Maybe there is just something wrong in my brain.
I feel that I'm a monster. People don't like my attitude, and yet I don't want to change myself for someone else to like me. I just want to be able to smile like everyone else, and yet at the same time, this may mean I have to throw away parts of who I am.
>>16675802 i am comfortable with the idea of humans being sexual creatures but i'm uncomfortable with this double standard in self-restraint where you can have too much of everything but sex and still only as a man
have you seen the stats for a gay man? they're absolutely fucking filthy, they'll fuck anyone anywhere who's willing and sometimes even if they're not. the natural barrier to disease and degeneracy that a woman's pickiness provides doesn't exist there, so gay men just fuck until their eyes bleed
i blame men, of course, that women are trying to get in on this trend is only because they feel it's unfair that men get to run rampant with debauchery. Men started this, they ruined what was an act of intimacy and deep bonding and made it cheap, like some 900 lbs. housebound person who clears out an entire table of food for lunch, men cannot restrain their biological urges and instead choose throw away morality about this aspect entirely
and yes, when i say men i mean men aside from devout ascetics and eunuchs. take a look around about what men think of "women", her appearance is first and foremost what's up for evaluation. I hear sometimes that "well a woman just doesn't have anything else to offer" which is the biggest cop-out in the history of cop-outs. Anything similar could be said the same about men, it's just a retaliatory excuse to be a shallow taintstain.
the observation of what constitutes a poor relationship almost always boils down to what a man's receiving in terms of sexual intimacy. that they have to isolate themselves in monasteries or cut their dicks off is also testimony to the fact that men are by nature toxic sluts who cheapen relationships and intimacy with their failure to restrain their biological urges.
you're not broken, we are just entering an age where discipline and responsibility is no longer a "thing" and you're absolutely right to feel uncomfortable about it
I really fucked myself over from an accident that was caused by drinking that happened a year ago this Saturday.
I haven't met all the requirements to go back to school because the office I'm supposed to contact to make an appointment is apparently closed all week except on Wednesday and Friday. I can't send an email because there is no email listed for that office.
Even if I make it up on Friday, the other office that decides if I can return for this semester will be closed for the weekend (and the Monday after), so they won't make a decision.
My mom withdrew me for a semester on medical leave, they tell me I'm suspended after that semester, and that the Fall 2015 and Spring 2016 semester is where it counts.
I hate the fact that they're not letting me move on.
I'm a semi-stalker with a crush on a girl that works at a gamestop near me. I know this kind of infatuation is toxic but I'm to fucking hopeless to actually strike up a conversation with her. I know i need to stop and move on but i can't. This girl doesn't even know who I am or that i exist and I can't ever get her out of my head.
>>16673656 Not to brag, but I have been called a MILF so many times it's embarassing. Also I can't seem to figure out how to post a pretty pic of my boobs or whatnot here on 4chan because I'm a fucking retard. Anyway stats are : blonde, blue-eyed fair skinned Nordic-looking type, long legs in shape (I'm a dancer) 5'6" short hair sometimes glasses been told I have a great ass generally attracts men 10-15 years younger, educated intelllectually curious lady in the street freak-in-the-bed… oh, yeah I'm so fucking great. But I married for love had kids with this alpha-beta 6'4" rich and handsome guy who really just wanted a kitchen and bedroom slave. I'm 45 and now out on the streets a single pathetic worn-out-competeing-with 23 year-old girls loser. So maybe I"m still cute but not for long. I honestly wish someone hot will fuck me and choke me out too hard and then I'll die. Come and get it fellas!
Uni is hard, I know I'm gonna fail a couple colloquiums and it makes me feel like shit. What makes it worse is that I know my mother and grandmother are gonna complain and give me a hard time about it. I should've been a retard in high school so we'd all get used to me failing. I just want someone to tell me it's going to be alright (which also makes me feel like a faggot).
I've been on tinder for months and didn't get more than a few responses, not many matches and no dates. today I've decided to set up a grindr profile out of curiosity, and got 5 messages in 5 minutes saying I'm cute. same profile picture. atleast I'm a little more confident now. still too timid to ask someone out or even get to know new people though
>>16677895 I joined tinder yesterday and got like 5 chicks and added em on snapchat maybe your pics are just in a weird angle or try another hairstyle and today I messaged a girl I know who is just adorable try lifting weights doing that actually both gives you confidence and creates more testosterone and all you have to do is go balls deep in everything
>>16678022 alright, but do gay guys have different taste than girls? I mean, I have basically the same profile on both grindr and tinder and got 10 times more messages in 5 minutes than on months of tinder
>>16678048 I believe guys are more comfortable hitting on other guys because some guys I know who are bi/gay hit on me I'm not going to just get creeped out because positive input is positive either way you look at it
>>16678106 >I believe guys are more comfortable hitting on other guys because some guys I know who are bi/gay hit on me I'm not going to just get creeped out because positive input is positive either way you look at it
Guys aint gonna lash out and call a guy creepy just because he took a chance. I get hit on by dudes all the time, I tend to shrug it off or just says "thanks".
Truth be told, it does make me a little uncomfortable, but damn, I aint ruining some guys night by pointin' out all his flaws or bein' an asshole to him, just because of a little discomfort. At least he took a chance, and at least it means I'm not entirely repulsive.
Women have no fuckin' idea. In fact, I love it when they complain when guys don't hit on them. Bitches gotta learn what negative reinforcement does before they use it.
I am sick of this. People tell me to ask questions if I don't know how to do something, then they get mad when I DO ask. So what do I do? I try to figure shit out my self. Guess what, they get mad when it takes me a while to figure out whatever it is that they want me to do. This has happened to me all my life to the point that I've become afraid to ask questions or try to do anything new.
An example from a previous employer: >start work at metal finishing shop >supervisor tells me to load up some racks with parts >see no way to securely mount them >ask super which way to put them on so not to fuck shit up >super get visibly upset and tell me to go clean or something >proceeds to do it himself My exact question was, "(Super's name), what's the correct way to put these on?" He knew damn well that I had absolutely no experience doing anything like this and that I would need a little training.
>when two family pets die within a year of each other and my mum might have stomach cancer
what is even the point in living when death is inevitable and comes whenever it chooses? what is even the point why don't i just kill myself now so i don't have to continue to experience this kind of pain when everyone around me eventually dies
why is the period happiness lasts so much shorter than the period sadness lasts
>>16670650 I fucking hate my life and feel like a total failure for being a virgin guy when I'm going to turn 19 in may and it makes me so angry and sad that I want to beat the shit out of guys and rape girls.
>>16670650 Also I'm literally 6'5 and I've been told by girls that the majority of girls won't want to date me simply because I'm too tall for them, and I may or may not have been born with literal, medical, non- meme version autism and if so that would explain why I can't seem to into social on the level that most guys seem to be able to which gets them laid occasionally, my dad has always been an alcoholic dead beat neet who cheated on my mom and never made up for it, and my mom is a woman who never even got a masters in college, picked a shit tier location to raise kids with literally fuck all to do out here, and her career sucks so bad combined with her unwillingness to seperate herself from this bum that we have always been poor as fuck.
I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed, never fucked, I can count the number of friends I've ever had on 2 hands and not even use all my fingers, tinder is said to be a way to get laid easily and it never works for me, neither do dating sites, and every year that goes by living like this I feel more and more angry and sad which makes it harder to do anything and apparently desperating makes girls not want to have sex with you and even if not for me being desperate they still wouldnt want to and some guys say just get a hooker but you have to use a condom with a hooker and condoms ruin sex so you cant feel anything.
Tried to go to parties to get laid, only found 3 last semester all 3 were shit in their own ways and I couldnt do it, and at the last 2 all the girls left just as they were getting just drunk enough. Cant get into bars or clubs because not 21. Starting to consider rape.
I have to put in my two weeks notice tomorrow and I have mild to moderate anxiety issues. I know it's not a huge deal because it's a shit job and it's been ridiculously slow but I just hate the backlash that comes from these things
>>16670650 Also people fucked with me in school called me a nerd, a geek, a loser, guys mocked me about not getting laid, girls mocked me about getting laid, they talked shit to me because all I wanted to talk about was video games and one guy said "your face lights up whenever someone brings them up" I wasn't aware of my size back then and I should have beaten the shit out of the fuckers when they fucked with me and I should have tracked the girls down on my own time outside of school and raped them and mocked them while doing it and say something like "whos getting laid now you fucking cunt"
But that was a long time ago and everyone has scattered to the wind.
Also my mom was a dipshit and withdrew me from highschool starting in 10th grade and had me do all my work online which fucked me socially even harder rather than intervening and teaching me how to into social, how to into dress, and other things, I did all online up until this past May and then college started in August
Also some baby sitter girl that was like 13 or 14 when I was 8 did some experimenting with me but I have 0 memory of any handjobs, blowjobs, or sex of any kind, but I do remember feeling her tits, seeing her totally naked, and her fingering herself and getting me to smell it
She had no idea what the fuck she was doing and neither did I and so nothing happened, then like an fucktard when I was like 10 or 11 I cried to my mom about being scared I got her pregnant and she found out, I dont know what happened to the girl but I think she ended up alright, so never even talked bad to me about it and was so nice to me always, I've never forgiven myself for wasting such a godly opportunity, the only girl who has ever in my entire life been willing to do that kind of stuff with me and I ruined it by not automatically knowing what to do, then being a pussy because I was scared of preggo even though it was impossible and ratting her out, and then years later even when she was smily and
I never tried to go for round 2 and eventually she moved away
There were other girls I could have fucked, never as close to it as with this one but if I knew then what I know now I could have done it I was a fucking social dipshit when I was younger and ruined them all
It's been 10 years since I saw a girl fully naked in front of me, 10 years since I got to feel real tits, 10 years since I came so fucking close to getting laid but I didn't know at the time and I've never had another chance since
>have really young-looking face >have saggy, ugly mom-body >only solution is elective surgery I can't afford
Life is suffering. I know I can make it slightly better with good diet and regular exercise, but my tits are hanging low, my belly is deformed, and my ass might as well be a plastic sack of cottage cheese.
It's recently come to my attention that I'm one of "those girls" you get warned about. You know, the type that say "it's ok to not wear a condom, as long as you're clean." Why? Because I can't get pregnant, for one. Secondly, because I'm the one with the STD. Yep, sexual assault leaves some fun reminders. In my defense, I don't let anyone even look at my crotch when I'm about to/in the middle of/ending an outbreak because I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone else. And yes, I tell my partners. At least, the ones that I keep around for a while.
It's also because sometimes I want to swap back and forth between sex and blowjobs. And nothing ruins it like the taste of condoms. I also like the feeling of guys cumming in me. I also like to think that it gives them some satisfaction too.
Am I a whore? Probably. But at least I'm somewhat responsible about it.
Rest assured, my little beta fedora-sporting fags, that all females are sluts. I'm the proof of it. But at least I'm getting laid whenever I want.
So I have a huge crush on this girl dunno why becouse shes not that pretty and i dont know what to do. Shes y friend, shes single but she has a fucking buddy. On New YE i was drunk but not wasted and i found out that i may have approached her but was cockblocked but that guy(he slipped in my pocked a note ->i was here first) and im wondering if its worth a shot or not. Any suggestions?
>>16678794 So what, you're going to kill other people so you don't just disappear? I mean it'd make the families of the victims notice you. But that's generally after you're dead. And then to the rest of the world you're just "another shooter." You fade away regardless by being lumped in with other people.
>>16678895 I feel your pain And dumbaass learn to read I said I turn 19 in may not that I turned 19 in may
turn =/= turned
These fucking bastards have 0 sympathy for people in our position, telling us its our fault and to kill ourselves, and then they always wonder why people do what elliot did Because he wasn't strong enough to resist it and he went insane and snapped
Rape is what happens when you snap but not on a homicidal level
People NEED affection and attention and sex, being a societal outcast with NOTHING is hell
And people degrade and ridiculous and insult those people and treat them like they are sub human Fuck them
>>16678905 >all this fucking meme-tier edge >muh elliot rogers >pushed too far
You are the weak. You are the pathetic dregs that I step on every fucking day on my mission to get what's mine.
You fantasize about raping a bitch because you are weak. It's the only revenge you can come close to getting against the world and even then the likelihood of you getting maced right before receiving a ball shattering kick is high enough where you'll never fucking go through with it. You'll back down at the last minute, just like you've backed down in everything else your waste of a life, because you're a coward and a weakling.
You're not even a human fucking being to me. You're just a resource to be exploited and then thrown away when you are no longer cost effective and thus have no more use.
Stay in your place, keep your head down and your mouth shut, lest the wolves of the world take notice of you.
>>16678923 I hope the next columbine that happens, your there. And mace doesn't scare me, you can still do shit while doing it you just have to fight through it.
Fuck you you psychopathic piece of shit, I'm great, I'm 6'5, white, male, broad shoulders, I have a great immune system, I'm smart as hell, I won the fucking genetic lottery, I was born in a first world country, I'm majoring in physics, I'm starting to make friends, I joined a frat, and I'm reading a book thats helping me understand how women work better than even before
You fucking vermin aren't going to keep pushing me down, your not going to deny me of being happy, and your not going to make me loose my cool and ruin my life by killing people.
I'm going to have everything that I want, I'm going to be happy, and I'm going to make cock suckers like you suffer while I'm at it.
I always have to restrain myself from complaining about how much degeneracy has been going on lately, because people tend to assume that i'm a sexist who hates women and that thinks they should all wear hijabs. NO. THE DEGENERATE MEN ARE JUST AS BAD, WORSE EVEN, THEY STARTED THIS SHIT. Love is dead and we have killed it, all because some people decided that the human race as a whole should be huge fucking sluts.
>>16678968 >I'm going to have everything that I want, I'm going to be happy, and I'm going to make cock suckers like you suffer while I'm at it.
You're never going to happy with that venom poisoning everything you do. "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." Despite all your successes, you'll never be satisfied with what you have until you learn to let go of your rage
>>16678984 Anger is a great motivator, when it feels like everyone is rooting for you to fail because of the mortal sin of not being some social casanova from birth then it really pushes you to say "fuck them" and keep moving.
>>16679008 Smart people don't obsess over the exact spelling of things because they understand that language is just using symbols to convey information, and as long as the information is delivered nothing else really matters.
>>16679015 >Anger is a great motivator, when it feels like everyone is rooting for you to fail because of the mortal sin of not being some social casanova from birth then it really pushes you to say "fuck them" and keep moving.
Anger CAN be a great motivator, but it destroys more than it helps. I mean it's pretty obvious, you scream very loud about how great you are, but a truly great person doesn't need to be so aggressive and vocal
David Bowie's death tore me up inside. He was only a bit older than my father. In the last two years I've lost friends, family, colleagues, and role models, and every death reminds me again and again that my late 60's mother and father won't be around forever. They've done everything to help me in life, and been there when I needed them...I don't think I'll survive when they're gone, and the thought of not being there for them when they pass eats at me in ways that kills me a bit more every day. Half the reason I even continue trying is for them...what's to become of me when they're gone? I'm so scared.
My ex's sister was hitting on me tonight after giving her a ride to pick up her new puppy. Instead of flirting back, I told her that I'm sorry for ever hurting her sister and I still hate myself for it and that's why I'm an alcoholic. BITCH I STILL LOVE YOUR SISTER, DON'T FLIRT WITH ME.
I don't have any friends since I started at college. I'm insecure and a little bit awkward and boring, so I can't keep friends. I've lost the friends that I have because I'm boring and no one wants to hang out with me. I never leave my room except for occasional meals and classes, and I don't really talk to anyone at all. This has got to change. There. Feels better.
I can easily get a lot of meaningless girls but I cannot get you so it doesn't even matter to me if I wanted to just mess around I would've already even more so but I wait thinking you'll come to me or I'll go to you
I have terrible self esteem issues. I don't really know how to act around people. For some time now, it seems that every other guy is trying to intimidate me. Even some of my friends, which is weird, because it seems they still like me, but they keep being touchy-feely, making loud noises out of nowhere in an attempt to startle me, bumping into me, and i have no idea why it works. I know it's stupid and why it's stupid, and why they literally couldn't do anything to me even if they legitimately wanted to, but my brain registers that someone is attempting to intimidate me, and it tries to override me to go full beta mode. Also, i have no idea why my friends spend time with me. I have two main "core" friends, and most of my other friends are friends they made. We get along just fine, and they seem to like me a lot, but i keep remembering that if my "core" friends weren't there, i'd be a lonely sad sack who's too afraid to talk to other people. My parents try to get me outside at every chance they have, and every once in a while they will talk about how extroverted at social i was when i was very young. I kinda wish i still was that way, but i just can't anymore. The only thing i can really be considered good at is english, but i'm not really great at it. I'm just barely good enough to be able to communicate around here because from a young age, i've always been fascinated by american entertainment, and since everyone else i know except for a select few refused to study, i ended up standing out. I'm also considered great at building Gunpla, but i'm actually garbage at it. It's just that i might be one of the 50 or so people (at absolute max) who build Gunpla in this shit country. Most people i grew up with hate me (and deservedly so, i was a real piss child), and even when i tried to better myself, people just kind of ignored it or thought i had ulterior motives. Many girls just assume i have a crush on them, for some reason.
>>16679236 In contrast, many other girls assume i'm gay just because i'm not interested in them. I actually feel a relationship needs love, but that kind of thing is frowned upon nowadays. I used to be convinced this was only a problem in this shit country, but i see now that it also happens in most other countries. Although, i still think it's very accentuated here.
There are very few girls i've ever actually had a crush on, but i spaghetti'd it beyond belief. I just know i'm going to die a lonely and sad death in my parent's house at thirty, surrounded by Gunpla model kits and anime figurines.
I wonder how strong the power of belief is. When I see children who are constantly told by their parents that they're beautiful, smart, treasured, valued, loved, they grow up to be confident adults who aren't afraid to go after what they want or who they want. If I was told I was beautiful, intelligent, loved, cherished, wanted, etc. when I was child, would I be a different person today? I know it's lame to blame your childhood when you become an adult but when I see normals talk about the great things their parents told them or did for them, it's like, "Wow, I wonder why my parents didn't care enough to do that for me." It makes me wonder if my parents even loved me at all. Especially my mother who lost interest in me after I stopped being a child. I mean, what kind of mother has no interest about her daughter's future or refuses to help her live a better life?
I fucking hate you, i finally decided to let you back into my life and i told myself I was ready to love you again and you didn't fucking change a thing it was still the same bullshit and this time you told everybody about it. Maybe I am just as stupid as you said I was predictable, lonely, retarded. But at least I had to will to give you a second chance after you hurt me so badly, i just don't want to be alone, Im so scared of being alone and losing myself and I'm afraid I'm going to lose you too
>boss gives me a task list with estimated completion times on them >realize every thing on the list adds up to exactly 8 hours >meaning no time allotted for lunch break, clients, phone calls, etc. >stress to him that his ETCs are under ideal conditions >"Anon, I realize the list is "a little tight" but if you work with efficiency you should be able to get it all done." >check in with him about 3/4th through the list >tells me i'm doing great >get an hour of phone calls, deliveries, clients afterward >tell boss to help with each >flat out refuses because he's busy with his tasks >finally get time to resume list >have a 5 min task to do with 15 minutes left in shift >boss asks me about my progress >Well I just have one thing left to d-- >OMG ANON YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE IT ALL COMPLETED BY NOW >Yes...and it will if you will let me go do it right now... >Tells me to stop everything for "quick" meeting >Sits me down and tells me I didn't do anything this shift because my list wasn't 100% completed >Ask him if he is aware that I was busy with clients and phone calls, etc. >"That doesn't matter, Anon." >all of my faces when >"Your list could have been completed in two hours" >Even though the combined ETCs on this list amounted to my entire shift and you said it would be "tight" >"I'm not attacking you or singling you out, Anon" >mfw >mfw volunteers me for a time sensitive project in Feb
I'm not sure if this fuck is psychotic or trying to set me up so he can create some bullshit reason to fire me.
>>16679278 Something I've had to accept, (probably a good amount of people on /adv/ had to) is family isn't any more of a magic bond than any other relationship. Love takes work, effort, attempting to understand someone even if you don't necessarily agree with them, continuing to try to mend things even if it's hard.
For some parents, having kids is just like being in a bad relationship with someone, but you can't leave them. Parents are just people too, and they are just as capable of being as shitty and worthless as the next person. There's also a lot of people who got all those compliments from their parents, and ended up with a shitty personality because they think everything they do is perfect.
All I got was told everything I did was wrong. If I forgot something, it because I was deliberately trying to make things harder for my parents. If I cried when they yelled and cursed at me, it was because I was trying to manipulate them into feeling sorry for me (or something, it was somehow fake and I wasn't supposed to be reacting that way).
It takes time to start feeling better. Lots of distance from family helps. I'm still working on it. Make your own family if you want to find meaning, doesn't necessarily mean get married or have kids. But find people you want to be around, people that match up to what your idea of family is. A house is not a home, likewise a blood relative is not family.
nothing can just be simple. if you don't know all the little things about (insert topic) you're an idiot and obviously not worth their time. whatever you know a lot about, is worthless to them cause they don't know it so its not worth knowing. even worse if the facts you have go against their opinion. talking about anything deep makes you weird if not creepy. talking to anyone you don't already know? weird. all this and dealing with everyone being fucking batshit these days. how am I supposed to interact socially in this paradigm?!
at this point, if you dont want to have simple pleasant conversation, kindly shut the fuck up and get away from me stupid. if you're gonna be condescending when I don't know, what style of anime that is, for example, fuck off. if you're going to blow off anything I say about things that interest me, fuck off. if you're going to make conversation competition because you feel intimidated or whatever weird shit you feel I'm trying to make you feel you projecting cunt, fuck off. I just want to have, normal, non shallow, enjoyable conversation.
other than that, I really wish all you people would shut the fuck up and stop being petty cunts
>>16679384 >trying to set me up so he can create some bullshit reason to fire me. this one. look for a new job, once you find one, take this shit to his superior. or if he doesn't have one just quit. fuck that shit.
I've had too many bosses that suck to have any fucking tolerance for that insane shit. I'd tell him he's fucking crazy to his face and can't do math. and tell him if he has a problem with it I quit. he should know too that its becoming an employees job market and hes gonna have a hard time surviving in the next couple years. hed better hope trump gets elected and fucks all us little guys over or he's gonna be first at the chopping block.
I was in the pool with this chick and I'm looking at her body really nice I look up and see her looking down at me I thought I was going to be drowned that day but she kinda does a smirk and dives into the pool and now I can't sleep because of that I'm busy thinking about that and this one other chick annoying shit
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years. Things are starting to get into the two year phase. We get annoyed at little things we both say or do. I'm worried things might take a turn for the worse. I'm super self conscious and I worry all the time. I know he gets annoyed at that but makes me feel like I should say sorry. Endless circle. Told me I was starting to loose fun. Don't want to drop him, I love him more than anyone or anything. Why do I have to worry so much. Why do I have to be so insecure.
>>16679562 >My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years. >Things are starting to get into the two year phase. We get annoyed at little things we both say or do. >I'm worried things might take a turn for the worse. >I'm super self conscious and I worry all the time. I know he gets annoyed at that but makes me feel like I should say sorry. Endless circle. >Told me I was starting to loose fun. Don't want to drop him, I love him more than anyone or anything. Why do I have to worry so much. Why do I have to be so insecure. Listen to yourself the relationship is dying or dead I am sorry
dear drug dealers that moved into the neighborhood... I'm the one that keeps getting the cops to kick your asses out of the complex. also, if i hear one of you talking about trying to steal my car while I'm out working on it you might just catch a wrench. and if you make a sign like you're shooting me, I really don't know man, its happened 5 times in the last week and I might just make a statement out of one of you. seriously, I haven't been in a good mood for a couple months and I'm under a lot of stress. the fuck is your problem? why not try not sucking dicks at being a decent human being? I hear you guys talk and its the auditory equivalent of watching a special kid eat paste. like I'm right here, I can hear you, and I'm surrounded by potentially very effective weapons. why would you even openly talk about beating me up and taking my car within earshot?
1: its on a jack and the fucking wheels and driveshaft was out of it, where the fuck do you think you're going with it?
2: aforementioned weapons. weapons all the fuck around me that could kill you in one well placed hit. do you realize how heavy a large pipe wrench is? a tire iron? a breaker bar? the heavy piece of metal that i just spent hours taking off the car... that pissed me off in the process???? the fuck are you on about faggots?
3: you dipshits couldn't work up the tech to steal it with me not around so don't bother. you can't slim jim it. you need an rfid reader, my rfid code, and then you have to spoof it in the right form to work with the car's reader to actually start it. and then there's the problem that its got a weird startup sequence and you faggots more than likely don't know how to work a 6 speed manual and will undoubtedly, even if you get going, put it in drive instead of reverse and immediately crash it.
fucking morons. I am surrounded by fucking morons.
I just had a the saddest, loneliest birthday of my life. It's really hard for me to state how miserable I am to anyone and go get help after I've been let down so much for years. I'm 25 now, and I'm pretty sure it's all downhill from here.
Sigh. Can't win at work. At first in regards to problem solving they tell me I'm good at it and should develop solutions by myself and stop asking for advice. When I start doing this they say I'm overstepping my boundaries and should always seek advice. Then the same thing happens all over.
I have a crush on one girl I like, but I'm obsessed with another girl. Each both have amazing qualities that makes me want to be with both of them.
If given the opportunity I would go with the girl I'm obsessed with however, she has a bf for over a year now and is looking more into endgame things ie. marriage, kids, etc... where I really want none of that. I also feel completely out of her league too, she herself is truly a special individual.
The other girl is around my age and we both share a lot more similar interests, more so than the first girl I think, and we have a lot of fun together. She's not keen on anything endgame as well and probably is good for me overall.
I don't know what to do. It doesn't help either that both these girls are best friends with one another either.
>>16679633 It shouldn't be, I know. I just don't know how to get over her. To move on. I'm just hoping if I do go with this other girl, I can finally move on and just treat the first girl as another human been.
I sleep for about 10 to 12 hours a day and when I get about 8 hours (which is enough for most people) I fucking get really tired and need a 4 hour nap later. It eats away basically my whole day every day. My doctor told me 4 years ago that I might have a sleep disorder, I think I should get it checked out. Noone believes me when I say I really do need this much sleep. They just laugh it off. I really hope I can stop needing this much sleep
I'm fucking terrified that my bf is going to break up with me and leave me and go overseas again.
It scares me to the point that I second guess literally every single thing he says, and every fucking day I wake up and expect to see a message from him telling me that he's done and he's leaving me for good.
This issue is seriously affecting me and my already fucked up mental illness ridden head. I don't know how to cope with it.
I really don't get you, how can you leave everything behind when you're in such a desperate need of help and support? It doesn't matter how far you travel or how many miles away you move, you will never be able to run from yourself. You have an ill mind, why are you trying all the wrong things to fix it?
>>16680411 Maybe because we were so close your rejection crushed my identity, self esteem, and will to live almost entirely. I have to run as far and fast as possible because if I see you again, the suicide tide will rise to flood my head and I just don't have the will for it, day after day. It was my fault for caring. Besides, facial aesthetics are the most important thing in love as you've taught me, and I've got everything but that, kid, so yep, running for life #420blazeit
The changes are starting again, for the good. I got a boyfriend, who I need to remind to slow down with all the running away and marrying stuff. I'm not the marrying type, I'm not even ready to share a home with anyone.
I'm about to get in the best shape of my life and slow down considerably on the drinking, which seems strange.
Seems like the tarot cards were right, because even the disappointment seems to be here.
I'm not regretting anything, the sex is good, I feel better than I have in a while, even though my body is purging, I know once I get through I'm on the right track.
I parked my car and was heading home and we both live in the same complex, but as I went to hug her, I went and slapped her ass too. Being the idiot I was, I knew what I did and immediately apologized. But since I live with my parents, her parents told my father, and my father told me what they said. I am going to talk to them soon, so I can apologize.
Anyway to make this roll as smooth as possible and keep everyone without shitting themselves?
I need some quick assistance, so please just help me lads. I dun fugged up.
At uni now I only really have one guy that I hang out with regularly. I often help him with his homework for the classes he's not very good at. Like, I've met him weekly for this since October. Today I asked for his help on some questions for another class that he had already done, while I haven't even looked at them, and he "didn't have the energy" to meet me and help me.
It sounds trivial when I write it here, I understand that, but it just gets to me. Four months of helping this dude with his stuff, and he can't be assed to stay up late one evening, like an hour at the most, basically just giving me answers? Not that I have minded helping him, it's never been a chore and I enjoy hanging out seeing as he is more or less my only friend, but you kinda except people to return the favor...
>>16681262 The exact same thing happened to me a while back. Kind of a dick move on my friend's part, but nothing too serioues so i let it slide. He's been a cool dude nowadays, he just did it that one time. Of course, if that guy keeps doing it, maybe he's not a good friend.
>>16681295 He hasn't done it before, but I've never asked before either. It's literally the only time I've asked him for help, and he says no. It's a dumb thing to be mad about, and in two weeks it'll be long forgotten, but when I'm sitting here with homework I understand jack shit about, and he has already done it, I kinda feel down.
>>16681305 Don't take it to heart just yet, but do keep it in mind unless he apologizes. If he decides to be a shitty friend again, distance yourself from him a bit. If he shows that he's a bad friend yet again, he's a definitive shit friend. Leave him behind. No flashy or dramatic "You're a shitty friend" speech, just slowly drift away.
I get it, you don't need us and we don't need you. I just have mental issues that can't be resolved. You'll never get it, you were supposed to save yourself and save us. Instead you just ditched us. It hurts, not knowing what I did wrong. I know I talked horribly about you but it's because I thought you could use it. I don't even know why, even if you're kind and honestly a good person I just can't help but focus on your fuckups. You can't just walk away say sorry, apologize and move on.. that's not how it works. I'm hurt and I need you to realize that without us you might as well be dead.
I don't know if you care, you probably don't and that's why I gossip and that's why I'm here. You never valued me as a friend well this is how I cope with it. Just understand what I am and I have issues like you. It's why I keep asking about you so I can see if I matter in your life. I don't know where I'm heading but I'm spontaneously living in this moment. Right now me and the boys and focused on you and it sucks that you rejected me for some girl. It hurts and I just want everything to be just like it was before. I can't help my anger sorry bro.
I don't know how half of these anons function on a daily basis. I fear that most of my comm is like this since they all say they've turned into hermits and go on about how they're depressed all the time. I can only hope they don't kill themselves over everyone else's failures to be decent humans.
Went by my old place to help an elderly man. Has it really been ten years? I still remember the parties, the laughs and the pain. I remember her and the only time I loved a woman. That dirty blonde hair and freckled shoulders.
As I chopped wood, stacked it and then helped push this wheelchair-bound fellow into his home, cluttered with trinkets and photos, I thought of my mortality and how little I've done since high school. Am I destined to forever stagnate and die here?
I think my first goal is to get a job, second is write down some goals. Maybe things will start to come together with a plan and money. God knows I don't want to grow old here. Feet, please move.
I knew autism ran deep in our family but my little bro has the worst of it. He has the worst future out of all of us losers combined and yet acts like everything is about him. He became vindictive towards us for havings lives now he twists it and created conflict in our groups. Brian when will you change. If you're not psychotic then you're depressive. Tired of carrying your dead weight around anywhere. You talk too much shit and need constant negative attention to thrive, well here you go autist. And don't bring your sister into the discussion or A. Be a man and live your life.
> it's been months since my first 'relationship' ended > dated a couple of times literally slept together twice no fucking > i'm 22 virgin > after reading online about girls and stuff i notice that i could have fucked her for sure or at least take it further > starting to feel emasculated how much i fucked up that relationship
man fucking hell guys i was so close i feel so unsure about my so called 'sexuality' right now. the closest i got was just feeling tits. These hindsight feelings suck ass. Also i just miss having her in my life
I'm trying my hardest to supress my failures in life by reminding others of theirs. It no wonder I'm avoided, I only try to use my friends solely for financial purposes. My sister always gives me the benefit of the doubt and without her I would have commited suicide. My loser friends are my enemies and I envy their determination. The ugly side is that it beings the hypocrite and the sociopath in me when I feel insecure.
>be a 26 year old virgin >call others virgin so wont feel bad >live with parents who no choice >call others out with good salaries for having kind parents who let them sa e money >dropout of school >make fun of dropouts who finished and are still studying because they have finances and mental capacity to do so >have no ambition >make fun and be derrogatory to those that do and steal theirs >be insecure about sibling and close relatives >shit talk them behind their backs with others like a coward >friend is friendly >lie like a sociopath to make myself look better
Not even begun here and I realize why people avoid me and live better lives.
I don't love you, I will never love you, and because you've sabotaged my one shot at true love in order to manipulate me into staying with you, I'm going to bleed you dry, use you up, take advantage of you, and when I finally get to the point where I can leave you, you're going to be completely ruined emotionally and mentally. You have made me into the worst version of myself. I am miserable, depressed, lonely, and lovesick. I am so sick of you. I wish I could hate you, but I just pity you. And I don't feel a shred of guilt for what I'm doing.
We make love like 3 or 4 times a week. I have a key to your apartment. You've told me you love me. We can spend 12 hours around each other and not murder one another. You were the only person who called me when I was in the hospital. We built a small business from the ground up long before we ever hopped into bed together.
We were in a meeting, and the woman asked us if we were life partners. It's true that we're not--too young, too much to figure out with ourselves, I get it. I even kinda get keeping the relationship pretty private. But you looked me dead in the eye and said "No, we're just business partners".
Fuck you! That's a fucking lie. I'm not something you can just discard when it's convenient, I'm not something you can just hide, and I'm not somebody you can fucking jerk around like that.
You say we're not in a romantic relationship, but the other day you said about our employees that we were "raising them right". You say you're not my girlfriend, but we spend the day in bed together an average of like 2 or 3 days a month. You don't want to be seen holding hands with me in public, but you're willing to let me make you come 9 times a night.
Fuck! Would you make a fucking decision--do you want me or not? And if not, then stay well the fuck back, because I don't have the time to deal with someone who can't figure out what they want from me. Treat me one way.
Ya'll motherfuckers better stop thinking this is real. These threads are nothing but trouble. Let people vent. Dont get in the way with your initial bullshit. Too many trolls here and should be shutdown.
i know my gf is cheating, but cant broke because i love her so much and she is the only thing that make me forget depression. i always say im going to tell her we are done but then she comes and i fall in love like an idiot and the anger disappear
That's what happens when you read these threads. Just post and go on with your day. So many anons and trolls here for someone to think one opninion or thought came from someone you know. There should be IDs for these types of threads. it quite ridiculous.
I can't even vent this fucking dead feeling. I can't take it out on my surroundings, I can't write it away, I can only escape when I dream, when some fantasy or disconnection distracts me. Music makes any feeling much more potent, but I hate not feeling the nostalgia of the music I listened to so much years ago, when things had only begun to fall. The music's just white noise, necessary for me, so something's always happening. When there's no music, no videos, no distractions, I can't stand it. I pull at my hair, writhe in my bed, pace around. I blink and I see a flash of light that frightens me. I went from being so afraid of the dark in younger days to wanting envelopment by the night. All that makes me feel good now are silly things and 'beauty,' but of course the beautiful things just bring me back to sadness. I think of these words I've wrote and think how meaningful, how much is there, but I don't want it acknowledged, I want to imagine some person seeing and reading, solemnly falling and staring at the stars, then on with their day. The tangent is the best distraction, going from addressing the now to painting some other place. I just want to live endless tangents, a dream never ceasing, where the strange memory and cognition connections plot scenes from so broad a spectrum, so diverse the possibilities. I hate this existence of devotion to reality, a single career and few hobbies to pass time- the appeal of a partner is the only attraction, the possibility of someone to go off to tangentia with me. Real tangents would not kill when woken up from, like these great dreams. And soon this thread will die anyways. And soon will I die, soon will thousands in despair, thousands in their happiest, thousands of strange conscious creations of colliding particles.
I feel so bizarre. Sex, handjobs, blowjobs and everything feels great, but nothing compares to when a girl runs her fingers through my hair, touching my scalp, or gives me a scalp massage. I fucking melt. I get goosebumps, legs feel limp and my eyes just roll back. Nothing compares to the pleasure I get from that.
I think I used to be a dog in a past life or something.
I feel like absolute fucking shit because my bf spent close to a year guilt tripping me (still does sometimes), causing me to know that I'm worthless, because I slept with another guy when I thought my bf and I were done. So he went and revenge fucked a bunch of girls (and most likely guys too) all the while lying to me and promising me that he hadn't been with anyone else, even though I told him about what I did the day after I slept with the guy because I didn't want to hurt my bf any more, I actually felt guilty and remorseful, and because I hate myself. As it turns out though, he cheated on me first and fucked someone before I even knew the guy I slept with.
Thinking about this makes me sick, it makes me want to fucking die. And, of course, I think about it basically every fucking day.
>>16683607 It was actually a huge misunderstanding in which the other guy manipulated me and showed me messages from my bf 'proving' that he'd been cheating basically the whole time we were together. I later found out that he had in fact cheated before I even properly met the other guy.
I never said what I did was okay, I know it was wrong and I've spent the last year trying to make up for it. But you can't deny that what my bf did was worse.
I would never have done it had the other guy not told me shit and showed me shit. At the time I honestly thought my bf and I were done.
I'm going to have to see you today. I have a surprise for you I've been working on for quite some time now. Today is the only option. Not tomorrow, next week or yesterday. I hope to see you soon. And wear something nice.
I don't want to think about it, but my hands are trembling and I can't stop crying. Everything hurts so much right now. I'm pissed at myself for being upset. I have nobody. I'm just so tired of everything. I'm worthless. fuck.
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the post's information.